Stephanie: Welcome to the ADHD Cringe Lab, the only place on the world wide web where your most embarrassing moments are considered valuable scientific data.

Faelyne: Every week, we take one cringy, chaotic, and completely relatable ADHD moment, and we put it under the microscope.

Stephanie: We act it out, we break down the neuroscience behind it, and we give you actual tools to handle better the next time.

Faelyne: Because understanding why your brain does what it does, well, that's where the shame stops and the strategy starts.

Stephanie: We're Stephanie and Faelyne two ADHD coaches who also happen to be living specimens.

Faelyne: Very much in the data.

Stephanie: I'm coming to you live from the US Research Wing.

Faelyne: And I am joining from the Canadian Research Wing.

Stephanie: Two labs.

Faelyne: One mission.

Stephanie: Open borders equal cringe.

Faelyne: Absolutely no idea what time it is. And nobody stopped us.

Stephanie: And nobody stopped us and keeping watch over the lab as always.

Faelyne: Our Chief Cringe Officer, the ADHD Spaghetti Bear!

Stephanie: So put on your safety goggles, grab your fidget spinners, and

Faelyne: Let's start the experiment.

Stephanie: Day twelve of the production experiment. Subject B and I are reviewing our first test recording. Data collection's going well. Morale is high. We are doing great. I think. ⁓ here comes subject B now.

Faelyne: Okay. I just watched the video from episode one and I actually think we've got really good chemistry and I think we're super funny on ⁓ on camera.

Stephanie: Right? I was so relieved. The energy is exactly what we wanted. Funny, but real. Coaching but not preachy.

Faelyne: And the skip timing was so good too. Like it was really better than I expected for a first run.

Stephanie: Yes, completely agree. Your delivery on the dentist appointment line was great. I was trying not to laugh out loud when I saw that dog toy in your head. ⁓ okay, okay, okay. I made a mistake. Let's start all over again.

Faelyne: ⁓ good. Okay no.

Stephanie: Day twelve of the production experiment, Subject B and I are reviewing our first test recording. Data collection is going well, morale is high, we're doing great. I think here comes subject B now.

Faelyne: Okay, I just watched the video game episode ⁓ number the video f sorry,

Stephanie: Two fifty eight.

Faelyne: All Alright Okay. I just watched the video from episode ⁓ and I actually think we have really good chemistry. I think we're super funny on camera.

Stephanie: Right. I was so relieved. The energy is exactly what we wanted. Funny, but real, coaching, but not preachy.

Faelyne: And the skit timing was really good too. It was better than I expected for a first run.

Stephanie: Yeah, I completely agree. Your delivery on the dentist appointment line was great. I was really trying not to laugh out loud when I saw the dog toy in your hair.

Faelyne: Good. I was actually really worried about that one.

Stephanie: No, that was perfect. The dog toy was one of my favorite parts. You're so funny and creative. I just have like one small suggestion.

Faelyne: Totally. Yeah. W what were we thinking?

Stephanie: Well, I want to make sure that viewers can see the dog toy clearly so they know what you're pulling out of your hair because it's so funny. It really is. I did notice that the lighting is a little dark on my end. It might just be a monitor thing, but I I just wanted to mention it.

Faelyne: ⁓ yeah, yeah, I can totally get that. I'll ⁓ I'll fix that. ASAP.

Stephanie: Great.

Faelyne: She noticed the lighting. Of course she noticed the lighting. My nephew noticed the lighting. He's only 17 and he noticed the lighting. I've been canceled by a teenager, and now my co-host thinks I am unprofessional. She probably watched that recording back and thought, who is this cave person I'm doing a show with? She didn't say anything about the audio being clean because she liked it. Everything she said was just her building up to the lighting comment. She was just trying to soften the blow. She actually mean the stuff about us having great chemistry and being funny? My gosh. I bet she didn't even even like the dog toy part. She's probably hoping I can't fix the lighting, so we'll have to cut it. She's probably thinking to herself, I'm glad Faelyne is so completely inept with anything technical, but we don't have to keep her stupid dog toy part. I bet she doesn't even think I'm funny. She knows I'm just old and buffoon turning dials and pushing buttons all Willy nilly on my big TV electric typewriter. No longer relevant. I'm not even funny. I should quit. Actually, you know, ⁓ I have a ring light. ⁓ my nephew said he'd set it up for me because I'm apparently old. ⁓

Stephanie: ⁓ that'll make such a difference. Awesome.

Faelyne: Totally. Easy fix.

Stephanie: Great, okay, so I think we're basically ready to start the ...

Faelyne: Do do you honestly think the dog toy was funny, like for real? 'Cause if you don't like it, we can cut it.

Stephanie: Yes, I I loved it. I told you it was one of my favorite parts.

Faelyne: Right. Okay. No. No, I get it. Great. Cool. Cool. So about the nope. Okay. No. Got it. Thanks.

Stephanie: She's asking about the dog toy. Why is she asking me if I thought that part is funny? I said I thought it was hilarious and that I loved it. Did I not say it convincingly enough? Did I say it too convincingly and now it sounds fake? She seems weird about the lighting thing. Was I too direct? What I should have said was, the lighting is great. And maybe, just maybe, we can make it a tiny bit brighter, but only if you want to, and it's totally fine either way. Because honestly, What do I know about lighting? I've made it weird. I've made the whole show weird. She's going to quit. We haven't even launched yet, and I've tanked the whole operation with one stupid lighting comment. The dog toy is genuinely funny. I love, love it. I'm really excited about this.

Faelyne: Me too. This is gonna be so good.

Stephanie: So good.

Faelyne: So good.

Stephanie: The data suggests we are both fine.

Faelyne: Completely fine.

Stephanie: Totally fine.

Faelyne: Totally fine.

Stephanie: All right. Thank you. You look so much better. lab coats back on. What you witnessed was not drama. It was not sensitivity. It was not two people being ridiculous. It was a completely predictable neurological event. Let's break it down.

Faelyne: Thank you. First up, rejection sensitivity dysphoria, or as we like to call it in the lab, RSD. The ADHD brain processes perceived criticism or rejection differently than neurotypical brains.

Stephanie: Mm. We say perceived because the criticism doesn't even have to be real. A neutral tone, a short reply, a tiny suggestion about the lighting. All of these can trigger a full threat response in the ADHD brain.

Faelyne: And we mean threat response literally, not metaphorically. The brain reacts as if something genuinely dangerous just happened. The emotional pain is neurologically real.

Stephanie: Which is why just let it go is not helpful advice. You cannot logic your way out of a threat response that's already firing.

Faelyne: And second, the confirmation bias spiral. Once the ADHD brain locks on to a negative interpretation, it starts filtering everything through that lens.

Stephanie: Mm-hmm. Ten compliments, one suggestion. Guess which one the brain kept?

Faelyne: And the brain wasn't being dramatic. It was doing exactly what it was wired to do, scanning for nature, collecting evidence to confirm the threat. The logic part of the brain was pushed aside by the survival part.

Stephanie: Every positive thing I said quietly filed under probably not true, while the lighting comment was filed under case closed, we are doomed.

Faelyne: That is uncomfortably accurate.

Stephanie: Third, the masking response. Did you notice that Faelyne's external reaction was completely calm the entire time?

Faelyne: ⁓ totally, easy fix. Ha ha ha. Meanwhile, internally, full career crisis.

Stephanie: Right. And that gap between what's happening inside and showing what's outside is called masking. And most ADHDers developed it as a young okay, nine forty nine. The gap between what's happening on the inside and what's showing outside is called masking. And most ADHDers developed it as a young age. Why can't I say this? Okay, ⁓ ten. The gap between what's happening inside and what's showing outside is called masking. And most ADHDers developed it young as a survival skill.

Faelyne: When you've been told your whole life that your reactions are too much, too sensitive, too dramatic, you learn to hide them fast.

Stephanie: Masking keeps the peace in the moment, but may takes gosh. Okay, 1028. Masking keeps the peace in the moment, but takes an enormous amount of energy. And it means the people around you often have no idea what's actually happening. They don't realize they're in the midst of an emotional ticking time bomb Your feelings and your thoughts are too important to consistently hide. They make you who you are.

Faelyne: Which is why Stephanie had absolutely no idea I was mentally packing my bags and moving to another country.

Stephanie: None zero. I thought we were having a great call.

Faelyne: We were externally.

Stephanie: Fourth, and this one's important, the emotional flashback. RSD spirals are rarely just about the current moment.

Faelyne: When my brain heard your lighting is dark, it didn't just hear Stephanie saying that today. It heard every teacher, every boss, every family member, every teenage nephew whoever made me feel behind, inept, or not quite good enough.

Stephanie: The lighting comment was the trigger, but the spiral was built from years of collected moments where someone pointed out something you did not do perfectly.

Faelyne: So the reaction feels wildly out of proportion from the outside, but from the inside it makes complete sense. You aren't just responding to today, you're responding to all of them.

Stephanie: Years and years of it. People with ADHD receive approximately twenty thousand more negative, corrective, or critical messages by age 10 to 12 compared to their neurotypical peers.

Faelyne: That's like five or six extra criticisms per day. How could that not impact your self esteem and your inner critic?

Stephanie: And that's not our opinion. That's the research of Dr. William Dodson one of the foremost experts on RSD and ADHD in the world. The weight your nervous system has been carrying is real and it is documented.

Faelyne: That's science, and it's a heavy load, my friends.

Stephanie: So if you just heard that and thought, that is me every single day.

Faelyne: First of all, same.

Stephanie: And second of all, before we talk about what to do about it, we need to sit with something important first.

Faelyne: Because the science explains it. But the science doesn't talk you down from the ledge while you're on it.

Stephanie: Welcome to the validation station.

Faelyne: So if you saw yourself in that skit, the spiral, the masking, the smile while your brain is on fire, you're not too sensitive.

Stephanie: You are not dramatic, you don't need to be fixed, and you're absolutely not alone.

Faelyne: The shame that comes with RSD is almost worse than the spiral itself because you know that the reaction feels too big. You know it probably isn't as bad as your brain is saying, but you still can't stop it.

Stephanie: And then you feel ashamed on top of the initial reaction. And then your own special flavor of ick here. And then at this and this, you have a layer upon layer of all these horrible feelings.

Faelyne: Not the good kind of layers like a cake either. ⁓ you probably spent years apologizing for being too sensitive, hiding your reactions, making yourself small, talking yourself out of spirals in bathroom stalls and parking lots and in the middle of perfectly normal conversations.

Stephanie: Mm-hmm. And that took enormous strength, even if it never felt like it.

Faelyne: The people who love you, the good ones, are not secretly keeping score of every moment you needed reassurance.

Stephanie: And the ones who made you feel like you needed to hide, that's on them, not your nervous system.

Faelyne: You deserve to be in good relationships, friendships, partnerships, workplace relationships where one small comment doesn't have to cost you three days of recovery.

Stephanie: That is not too much to ask.

Faelyne: It's just Tuesday.

Stephanie: And that's the cringe we are here for.

Faelyne: We're here for.

Stephanie: Okay, so we witnessed the spiral, we explained the science, and we've marinated in the hard stuff. Now let's talk about what to actually do about it.

Faelyne: Well, four protocols this week because R S D deserves the full treatment.

Stephanie: Truth. Protocol one. Name it to tame it. The moment you feel the spiral starting and you will feel it. It has a very specific vibration. Say it out loud or write it down. This is RSD. This is not reality. My brain is simply doing its job, scanning for danger.

Faelyne: By naming it, you're interrupting the threat response. It moves you from the emotional brain to the thinking or logical brain. Now, it doesn't stop the feeling, but it buys you just enough distance from it. It gives you the pause that you need to shift gears from reacting to responding.

Stephanie: Even just saying, I'm having an RSD moment out loud to yourself changes the relationship with the spiral. You go from being inside of it to outside of it, observing it. Give RSD its own pet name, take some power from it.

Faelyne: So Fluffy and I, see? Fluffy, that's what I'm going with. All right. Let's move on to protocol two, the evidence locker. Before you respond, react, quit, move to another country, or send a message you'll regret forever. Collect actual evidence.

Stephanie: ⁓ okay. Let's Write down every positive thing said or done in the interaction alongside the trigger. Every single one. Make sure your brain looks at the full picture instead of just the threat file it compiled.

Faelyne: Because your brain is not lying to you on purpose, it's just a very selective editor. The evidence locker forces it to include the footage that it left on the cutting room floor.

Stephanie: Protocol three, the story audit. This one goes a little deeper. Ask yourself, is what I'm believing right now actually true? Or is it just a story I've been telling myself for so long that it feels like facts?

Faelyne: RSD builds a playlist. Every critical moment, every dismissal, every moment someone made you feel like too much or not enough, your brain saved it. And yet, I can't remember to get my clothes out of the dryer.

Stephanie: That playlist is made up of many tracks from a vinyl record with deep, deep grooves. The playlist starts to feel concrete and true, like it's just the way things are, like it's really who you are.

Faelyne: But here's the thing, it's a playlist of your greatest hits. This is just a compilation, a mix tape, if you will, that your inner critic recorded that's been playing on repeat and shuffle nonstop without your permission.

Stephanie: Very Napster. So the story audit asks one simple question. Is this actually true based on real evidence?

Faelyne: Fake news.

Stephanie: At this very moment. Or is it just an old song your brain knows all the words to?

Faelyne: For crying out loud, change the record. It's overplayed.

Stephanie: Protocol four, the 24-hour rule. Do not make any decisions, send any messages, or have any difficult conversations, or quit anything, including your podcast, within 24 hours of an RSD spiral.

Faelyne: Thankfully, the RSD response peaks fast and drops fast. What feels like an unsurvivable ⁓ catastrophe at two PM very often looks completely normal Tuesday by the next morning. ⁓ it may help to remind yourself when you're feeling bad that you will feel better. Acknowledge the awful, but remember it's temporary.

Stephanie: Sleep on it, eat something, move your body, do something to interrupt. Let your nervous system come back down before you let your spiral make any decisions on your behalf.

Faelyne: Your spiral is not qualified to be your ADHD coach.

Stephanie: No, it does not have the credentials.

Faelyne: Never even been to Canada.

Stephanie: Unqualified. Okay, let's do that again. Ready? One, two, three. Unqualified. ⁓ my okay, no. Okay. I yeah, right. Okay, it is time to open the lab doors. And after this week, especially, we know you have a story.

Faelyne: Unqualified. Unqualified. I thought we were pretty good. Maybe you quit a job in your head three times before lunch because your boss used a period instead of a question mark and a text message. Legit.

Stephanie: Maybe you spent four days convinced your best friend hated you because she took six hours to reply to a meme.

Faelyne: Maybe you're still playing a perceived eye roll from twenty nineteen in your brain.

Stephanie: We believe you. We see you and we want to hear about it.

Faelyne: Send your story to the lab. You can email us at theADHDSpaghettiBear@gmail.com or click the link in the description to fill out our Cringe-fession Form Keep it anonymous if it's just that cringy. Now, good news, my cringe story for next week is already ready to go, ⁓ as you can see, not anonymous.

Stephanie: Right. Your spiral could be our next experiment. And more importantly, it could be the story that makes someone else feel less alone.

Faelyne: Truth! We're just opening the lab doors and we want you in here with us. No judgment, only science.

Stephanie: No judgment. Nice. Okay. Experiment concluded. RSD is real. It is neurological, and you are not too sensitive for having it.

Faelyne: As a very wise philosopher once said. You were born this way. No, I didn't sing it. I was tempted. You can see I was tempted, but I like y'all way too much. You don't need to be fixed. You're not overly dramatic. You're just running a very overworked threat detection system that nobody ever gave you the manual for. Your main blurring has been overplaying a play Okay, I need to do that again. Twenty yeah, twenty one forty four. As a very wise philosopher once said.

Stephanie: ⁓ I was hop I was hoping you would. Maybe next time. Twenty one forty four.

Faelyne: Baby, you were born this way. You don't need to be fixed. You're not overly dramatic. You're just running a very overworked threat detection system that nobody ever gave you the manual for. And your brain has been overplaying a played out playlist that you didn't curate.

Stephanie: Wow, very nicely done. Until next time, keep experimenting and try not to die of embarrassment. That was marginally better.

Faelyne: Die of embarrass. Marginally better.