Faelyne: Warning this episode contains many erroneous and frankly disturbing references to superheroes, discretion, and a healthy dose of apathy advised. Carrie Matheson had an evidence board, a conspiracy, and no sleep. Hmm, no, not that, Carrie. No string of pearls, no fabulous shoes, just an unfashionable string of evidence. Sound familiar? Welcome to the ADHD Cringe Lab, the only place on the internet where your most embarrassing moments are considered valuable scientific data. Stephanie: Every week we take one cringy, chaotic, completely relatable ADHD moment and we put it under the microscope. Faelyne: We act it out, we break down the neuroscience behind it, and we give you actual tools to handle it better next time. Stephanie: Because understanding why your brain does what it does, that's where the shame stops and the strategy starts. Faelyne: I'm Faleen. This is Stephanie. We are two ADHD coaches examining the ADHD life. Stephanie: I'm coming to you live from the US research wing. Faelyne: And I'm joining from the Canadian Research Wing. Stephanie: Two labs. Faelyne: One mission. Stephanie: Open borders equal cringe. Faelyne: with no idea what time it is. And hey, nobody's stopped us yet. Stephanie: And this valid visa is good. Keeping watch over the lab as always. Spina bear. Faelyne: Our Chief Cringe Officer, the ADHD spaghetti bear. Stephanie: So put on your hard hat, grab your poppers, your fidget spinners. Faelyne: And let's start the experiment. Stephanie: Today we are putting a very popular idea on trial. Faelyne: A beloved idea, actually, one that gets a lot of airtime in the ADHD community. Stephanie: The idea that hyper focus is your superpower. Faelyne: And we're not here to cancel it. Stephanie: We are here to cross examine it because superpowers superpowers aren't without kryptonite. Faelyne: Kryptonite, also called a shadow side, is the corresponding weakness, limiting behavior, or unintended negative consequence that accompanies a great strength. It is the flip side of a superpower. Stephanie: And it's important to understand the cost before tying on the cape. Faelyne: Because, as Uncle Ben said to young Clark, with great power comes great responsibility. Stephanie: Okay, well before we get to lab, we'd like to take a reading of how ADHD life is treating us or read a cringe confession, but today let's take a cringe reading. Faelyne: Every episode we take a quick reading of how ADHD life is treating us this week. Think of it as our pre-experiment data collection. So I'm just gonna jump in. I have had a wild week. So many things going on, and juggling so many balls, and I have Stephanie: Please. Faelyne: Got this amazing routine down to make sure that all my calendars talk to each other and they pre-populate on my to-do list that I carry on my phone, except for I missed one crucial step. And apparently this morning I was supposed to be in four different places. So didn't realize that until I was already late for one thing. Had to call and rebook with a client, cancel a doctor's appointment, and I had to reschedule. Stephanie: Mm. Faelyne: my car's winter tires because yeah I'm coming to you from Canada had to reschedule my car's winter tires to be taken off as as well all from one missed step in my routine and yeah not feeling great ha ha ha so funny yeah that that was me so why don't anything Stephanie: Mm-hmm. You need a better planner. Ha ha. Mm. Faelyne: Why don't actually rate that on the spaghetti bear cringometer? What do you think? What do you think, SB? Alright, let me call up the cringometer and let's see how we how we fare. Stephanie: Yeah, he's ready. He's always ready. Let's do it. He said all those things sound boring. Boring. Faelyne: Well, they were certainly stressful. They were certainly stressful. So let's see, does it rate any cringe or just maybe maybe a hug and couple of pieces of chocolate? All right, let's let's measure the cringe, spaghetti bear. pretty cringy. Look at that. I can't watch. Stephanie: Mm. Sorry about that. Faelyne: Huh. That's awful. So, welcome to my life. How about you, what's your cringe? Let's see what what spaghetti bear has to say. Stephanie: I don't have anything to contribute. I actually had a really good week. Faelyne: I mean, that's great to hear, but you don't have anything to add, not even a rabbit hole or a forgotten meeting? Stephanie: Nope, I've just been really productive. I've gotten so much accomplished. Faelyne: So much accomplished? Stephanie: Yeah, like an inhuman amount of stuff done. Otherworldly. Faelyne: How how much done? Stephanie: ho you'll see. Faelyne: I'm beginning to suspect that the research may become the evidence. Hey Steph, do you want hit pause on the recording for a sec? Stephanie: No, I am good. Faelyne: Well, okay. but I don't have the script for the skit yet and it's not in the docs folder and I can't find it in my email. Are you sure you don't wanna just hit pause real quick and we'll just get the script? Stephanie: No need, my friend. All is good. It's better than good. Faelyne: Okay, but what's with the sheet covering the whiteboard? Do have the script written on that, maybe, hopefully? Stephanie: Are you ready? Faelyne: For the skit, yeah. Stephanie: this is more than a skit. Here we go. Ready? Faelyne: I'm ready. So that's wow, that looks like Carrie from Homeland went off her meds to solve a terrorist plot. That, my friend, looks like an evidence board. Stephanie: Sa-da! I know, right? Hey, can you can you see me? Can you see the whole board? Faelyne: I can see enough. yeah, well wow, okay. So tell me all about the purple strings connecting everything like a spider web gone horribly so horribly. Stephanie: Okay, normally red string is used, but spaghetti bear demanded purple. And as you know, I was tasked with gathering the data for our skit on hyperfocus and ADHD. Faelyne: And as I recall, the skit was tentatively titled Hyper Focus Beware of Her Siren Song. Stephanie: What? No. Anyway, okay, so what you see here is Faelyne: An FBI crime lab? Stephanie: What? No, no, here are the musings of not one, but three. Three, thank you very much. Completely written episodes. Faelyne: I am definitely not seeing that. The purple line, sorry, connects the cat? Cat? Little kitten there? Stephanie: Berkeley Stevens. Faelyne: Rickety Stevens. Okay. The line that connects Rickety Stevens to the n is that the National Mahjong League Rules Book? What what does that mean? Stephanie: Yes, that is accurate. Faelyne: And is that a bag of chips that connects to the kitten? Sorry, Rickety Stevens? How how is that related? Stephanie: It's not. It's it's just my lunch. Remember to eat it. Faelyne: Huh, okay, and I d is that the Dallas Mavericks up there? Stephanie: Okay, you know what? I think I'm gonna have to go GoPro on this. Okay, I'm gonna take off my camera so you can see it. ready? Ready? Ready? Here we go. Whoa. Okay, whoa. Okay, can all right, so you just you just feast your eyes on this. It it is self explanatory. Okay, there you there. Faelyne: yeah, just a real live experience over here. What? Well, eyes are feasting. Not sure that it's self-explanatory. So that is the the Mavericks up there at the top. And is that a Stephanie: no, that is that is the 2011, Dallas Mavericks Championship Mini Poster. Faelyne: Of course of course it is. My my my apologies. And sorry, that's a googly eye and okay. And sorry, is that some kind of nacho libre kinda wrestler there? Stephanie: Yes. It's Rey Mysterio. Like what? Okay. Faelyne: Course Ray Mysterio. Of course it is. Of course it is. And is that sorry, crossword puzzle? What what's a crossword puzzle doing on your evidence board? Stephanie: Look at the circled highlight clue number one across. Look at it. It says. Faelyne: It's way too small. Stephanie: Attacks like Pikachu. Faelyne: Okay I gotta tell you, I'm I'm I'm not I'm not I'm not following. I am not following. Wha is that Royal Kevin? What's Royal Kevin doing on your board? Stephanie: Yeah, saps. Okay. Yes. And that little branch thing, that don't just forget that. That was spaghetti bear. He's been meeting with this like woman named Celeste and it's a intentional nature reconnection something he's doing. It's like art. Art. Faelyne: Just Course he is. So and you got two more episodes out of all that? Stephanie: Okay. Did you see anything else on there? I can come back to it. So you just tell me and I will show you. Yep. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Right? Yeah. Faelyne: Okay. My eyes have been feasted, I think I'm still absorbing. It's something. It's something. Stephanie: Mm-hmm. Okay. Yes, so I got two episodes from this. Well, actually three. I just emailed them to you. I also upload them into our docs file and I texted them to you just in case. Check your docs. Faelyne: Okay, all that just now. Let me have a look and huh. Okay. Stephanie: Yeah, and I started a vision board for our podcast and already made one for you and your partner. That one's done. Faelyne: What? Hey. okay, that's j sorry I'm just reading these. These are really good. Now, I could not follow your evidence board, but those episodes I really like the outcome of all whatever that is. Steph? I was saying that I think the episodes that you wrote are really good. Stephanie: They're probably not. Now that I'm I think about them, just shred them, delete them. Seriously, I cannot imagine ever writing anything else ever again. I'm a shell of a human. Faelyne: Well, on that note, I think we should maybe head into the lab and let's start the dissection on this. Stephanie: Hmm. I think we should just call it a day. I can't remember the last time I slept or ate or Faelyne: Brushed your hair. Okay, and we are back. That was a lot. And I say that with full scientific objectivity and also genuine concern for my my buddy and my co-host. Steph is is processing, which is fine. Totally fine. I'm gonna go ahead and get us started because that is apparently my life now. So Okay, folks, hyperfocus. You've probably heard the word, and you might have lived the word. You may have, in fact, just watched the tail spin, crash, and burn in real time right here, right now. But here's what most of the content out there won't tell you: Hyperfocus isn't a skill you developed. It isn't you finally getting your life together, and it's unfortunately not something you can summon at will. It's a neurological state. And let's talk about what's happening in your brain when and around hyperfocus. Hold on to your hats, folks. Things are gonna get a little interesting. Yeah. Stephanie: I don't have a hat. Faelyne: We'll let your little ponytail at the top there. In the ADHD brain, dopamine, which As we've discussed, is the neurotransmitter responsible for motivation, reward, attention? It doesn't regulate the way it does in neurotypical brains. Most of the time, that means the ADHD brain is running on lower dopamine availability. Getting started is hard. Staying on task? Hard. Transitions? Also hard. Now, here's the key difference that is really gonna explain a lot. Neurotypical brains are largely motivated by importance. Something matters, they can generally make themselves do it. ADHD brains are motivated by interest or urgency. If it's not interesting, novel, or due in twenty minutes, the ADHD brain just struggles to engage. And that is not because the person doesn't care, but because the neurological ignition system works differently. But occasionally, and here it is, ready for the plot twist, the brain stumbles onto something that triggers a dopamine surge. Something like super interesting, urgent, new, shiny, or emotionally charged. Now, when that happens, the prefrontal cortex, that's your brain CEO, that's the part responsible for you know time management, decision making, knowing when to stop, essentially gets overridden. Brain locks in hard and does not want to let go. Now From the outside, this can look like the the Incredibles, like Arthur Park's Laser Focus, Superman Productivity, Batman's Tool Belt. Getting three podcast episodes written in what felt like an Iceman's afternoon. Now, from the inside, it feels like being on spring a spring break runaway party train to Mazatlan. Stephanie: That's long. Faelyne: Yep. Fun fast and reckless, baby. Until it suddenly stops. And this is the part that nobody talks about. The party train hyperfocus hangover. Because here's what's actually happening during a hyperfocus episode. Your brain is burning through dopamine at an accelerated, speeding party train rate. It's not stopping a refuel. It is blowing through reserves it doesn't have. Think of it like overcharging your credit card. The transaction went through, you bought the thing, but now there are fees. Fees on top of the initial cost of the thing. Your balance due is more than the original. the original cost. And the crash that follows hyperfocus isn't being lazy or irresponsible. Your your brain has sent its bill collector with a payment due now notice. Now the payment due can look like the inability to start anything the next day, decision paralysis, emotional f fragility, irritability, self doubt, sh the need to lie on the couch, stare at the ceiling, or to do something so low stakes, but genuinely rewarding that your nervous system can just rest and recharge. Something like Hey, Steph? Steph? My hearing Pokemon Go. Stephanie: No. What? No. No. What what yes. Hyper focused recovery. You got it. Faelyne: she's in recovery, everyone. Stephanie: My brain is in recovery. Royal Kevin needed me. He told me to tell you hi and to remind you about the coin's super gala extravaganza tonight. Faelyne: Hm. Remember we call them a guild. Now, folks you may remember Royal Kevin from the gaming episode. He's my guild's leader. And he really is very wise and such a good problem solver. Stephanie: Yeah. Like Carrie from Homeland, her evidence board. She solved some serious world security issues. Faelyne: with a hyperfocus so profound that it deserves its own scientific term here at the ADHD cringe lab. We're gonna call it the whole care or the full carry phenom that's better, the full carry phenom. Stephanie: Isn't Venon a superhero? Faelyne: That would be Photon, who is the cousin of Hyperion. After a hyperfocus episode, the brain actively seeks out low-stakes reward loops to replenish depleted dopamine. So activities with frequent small wins, clear feedback, low executive function demand, and zero real-world consequences if you fail. Stephanie: And the cringe that follows the crash The cringe is the hard time we give ourselves for supplying our brains what they need. It's not wasted time, it's neuro recovery time. And that is a trademark. Faelyne: And she's back. And she's gone again. The cringe is the shame. We'll be at the validation station in just a moment. So, if you're sitting there feeling like a very productive disaster, and if you've ever looked up from something you were completely consumed by and realized three hours passed, the sun had moved, and you couldn't remember the last time you had any water or brushed your hair. If you've ever done anything so genuinely impressive, but then spent the next day unable to look to locate your motivation, your keys, your will to open an email. We see you. We are you. Quite literally at this moment. And before we talk about what to do with any of this, we need to say something important first. Because the science is one thing, but the shame that can come wrapped around a hyper-focus crash, well, it deserves its own moment. Pull up a couch cushion. And welcome to the validation station, where science takes a seat and humanity has her moment. And here is what I want you to hear, and really soak it in. Don't just let it wash over you when you're thinking about something else. Be here. But if your brain just wandered off for a second, also totally fine. We'll be here when you're back. If you just saw yourself in that skit, if you've ever so completely disappeared into something that the world ceased to exist, welcome to Planet ADHD. You're not spacey, you're not freakishly focused, you're not irresponsible, and you're not a flake. And you don't just need to try harder. You have a brain that is wired differently, and that is not a bad thing. It's just that some features of this unique wiring have a cost that nobody warned you about. Not in the user's manual or on a warning label. The label slapped on the ADHD box currently reads, Unlimited Focus! Superhuman output! Your ADHD is actually a gift. And what it should also say in the fine print is hyperfocus side side effects may include losing an entire day, forgetting to eat, doing way more work than you need to do, ignoring family and friends, and the inability to get off the couch for 48 hours after. And the shame? That is the crash's sidekick. The earther to the ADHD crashes tick. The shame is arguably harder than the crash itself because it lasts longer than the recovery. So when your inner critic comes waltzing over, clipboard in hand, ready to shame you. Remind yourself that you just did something. You did something real. Something that may have zapped your energy and burned through your reserves, but you did something. Celebrate that. Take a rest. Send your inner critic on a fast spring break party train on a one-way trip to Exile Island. Hyperfocus is short-lived and unpredictable. It makes you super productive for a day. and then leaves you in the recovery pit the next. Do not compare yourself to people who don't operate in the hyperfocus realm. What happened is your brain wrote three podcast episodes, built a vision board, connected seventeen unrelated concepts with Purple String, somehow involved a cat named Rickety Stevens. That is what happened. Stephanie: Rickety Stevens. Who is that? Someone from your guild? Faelyne: and the recovery isn't failure. The recovery is the other side of the coin. Can't have one without the other. And the sooner we stop treating the crash like a character flaw and start treating it like th the biological reality it actually is, well, then the sooner we can actually plan for it, instead of being blindsided by it every single time. You're not lazy. You're not inconsistent. And you're not a person who had one good day and then gave up. You are a person whose brain runs like a high-speed bullet train, crashes hard, and then needs specific conditions to recover. That, my friend, is not a moral failing. It is neuroscience. Stephanie: You know what? And you deserve to know that a long time ago. Faelyne: That's the validation station. Stephanie: That's the cringe we're here for. Alright, lab coats back on. We've witnessed the cringe. We've explained the science. We validated the crash. Now let's talk about what to actually do with all of this. Faelyne: We're here for. Because we are not here to tell you to stop hyperfocusing. That would be like telling a golden retriever to stop being enthusiastic. Structurally unsound advice. And honestly, it's really hard to turn off and we all kinda love it. Stephanie: Hyper focus can be genuinely valuable, world-changing even. Carrie solved a terrorist plot. I wrote three podcasts. Newton allegedly figured out gravity. Faelyne: Allegedly. Stephanie: Well, at least for certain in Canada. The goal isn't to avoid going full carry, the goal is to go full carry on purpose. Faelyne: intentionally, strategically, on the rails, with guardrails, with your eyes open to the cost. Stephanie: Or protocols tested in the field. Faelyne: Mostly on ourselves. Stephanie: Protocol one, know your ignition triggers. Start paying attention to what sends your brain into hyperfocus. Is it novelty? Urgency? Creative problems? Competition? Emotional stakes? Everyone's ignition system is slightly different. When you know what starts it, you can begin to anticipate it when a super hyper focus event. H F E. Is spaghetti bear trademarking that? Yeah. Faelyne: Absolutely. Stephanie: That's likely. You can prepare accordingly, instead of waking up with a Justice League level whiteboard and no memory of Brickety Stevens. Faelyne: And protocol 2. Clear the room before you light the fuse. Now, if you know a hyperfocus episode is coming, do a quick triage survey first. So anything that absolutely cannot be missed today, set an alarm for it. Tell your people, the folks in your life, check your calendar, make sure there's not a dinner party tonight that requires a pot roast that is currently still frozen. Stephanie: Resentment pot roast. Faelyne: We've been there. Protocol three. Build the recovery in before you start. This is the one thing that most people don't do, but we all need. So before you go full carry, schedule the couch day. Like literally block it. Tell yourself and anyone who needs to know that tomorrow is a recovery day. Low stakes, low demand. Royal Cabin level activity only because if you plan for the crash, it stops being a failure and starts being simply part of the process. Stephanie: You know, you work Royal Kevin in anytime you can. I'm just saying. Okay, you do. All right. So this is a difference between hyper focus happening to you and hyper focus working for you. Carrie knew the cost. She chose it anyway. That's not reckless. That is strategic. Faelyne: Yeah I do. It is. And so let's talk about protocol four. Show your work. Now, my apologies if that statement brought back years of math teachers taking points off your grades. But seriously, show your process, even if it's just a bit of it. One of the hidden costs of hyperfocus as seen today is that the output can be brilliant, but completely untraceable or rec rep Stephanie: Ugh. Faelyne: No one else can replicate it. That's just really hard to say. And if nobody knows how you got there, you might not even remember Rickety Stevens anyone. which means no one can help you refine it, edit it, or build on it. Stephanie: Yeah. Uh-huh. Is Rickety Stevens Royal Kevin's cat? Faelyne: Could be could be Stephanie: Mm. Okay. Well, a way to do this is to make a quick voice memo or handwritten notes. Started here, went there, ended here. Future you will be grateful. Future collaborators will be grateful. Faelyne: Thank you, future uses. Stephanie: Damn Faelyne: Future co hosts who are handed three fully written episodes with no documentation will be especially grateful. Stephanie: That is what the cat was for. Faelyne: Ricky Stevens was the documentation. Stephanie: No, the cat. The cat was the reminder. Faelyne: what? Stephanie: Of something I currently don't remember. Faelyne: like the cat's name. And on that note, four protocols. Know your triggers, clear the room, build in the recovery, show your work. Stephanie: Invoke the full Carrie Phenom. Just do it on purpose. Faelyne: Mm-hmm. Make sure you have snacks nearby. Stephanie: Mm. And breadcombs to help you find your way back because time may have stopped for you, but your life and all its responsibilities kept on moving. Faelyne: Yeah, they did. Stephanie: Alright, All right, it's time to open the lab doors to you. Faelyne: Because we know you have a story. A full carry story. Stephanie: The one where you sat down to do one thing and looked up four hours later and you were surrounded by something completely different, thinking, who snuck in here and ate six bags of cheese puffs? Faelyne: Was it me? Maybe you went down a rabbit hole researching so deep that you emerged with seventeen browser tabs, a new hobby, a strong opinion about something you didn't know existed this morning, and minimal, if any, progress on your original task. Stephanie: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Maybe you've hyper focused on organizing your workspace so well that you never actually did the work required for the workspace, but you did order coordinating shelves, bins, and a new label maker. Faelyne: Maybe you wrote three podcast episodes, when you really only needed to write one. Stephanie: Allegedly. Faelyne: And maybe you went full carry on something that absolutely did not warrant an evidence board. A Pinterest project about the superheroes who were dads too, like Spider-Man and Batman? Real family men. Or family group chat disagreement. Or how the Green Goblin became Volko, and then that was Norman Osburn, and then turned back into the Green Goblin. That is one complicated character arc. Stephanie: did you hyper focus through a semester long group project of one night, letting your entire group down because nothing was done till last possible moment? Faelyne: Or even worse, did you do such a spectacular job that you were immediately made the leader and then completely overrelied on for every single group project for the rest of your academic career? Stephanie: Because that is the kind of hyper focused tax that nobody warned you about. You performed your way into a corner. Faelyne: It's the cringe that keeps on giving. Stephanie: Mm, we wanna hear it. The crash, the cost, the completely unhinged thing you produced that simultaneously you're proud of and cannot explain. Faelyne: Because somewhere out there is a person who thinks that they're the only one, who thinks that the way their brain works is too much or too weird or too embarrassing to say out loud. Stephanie: And your story is a thing that tells them they're not. Faelyne: Send us your full carry moments, your hyper focus evidence boards, your recovery couch days, your resentment pot roasts. Stephanie: You can email us at the adhd spaghetti bear at gmail.com or click the link in the description to fill out our cringe fashion form. Anonymous is always an option. Cringe shared by another loses its cringe sting. That is scientific and somewhat biblical. Faelyne: Indeed it is. Your disaster could be our next lab experiment. Stephanie: Help us, help us all feel a little more normal, like Team Jedi on the Death Start, strength in numbers. Faelyne: No judgment. Stephanie: Only science and Faelyne: It's cringy superhero references. Stephanie: Absolutely. Experiment concluded. Faelyne: Hyper focus, it's real, it's neurological and a misunderstood experience in the ADHD multiverse. Stephanie: It is not a superpower, it's not a character flaw, it is a neurological state with a very real cost that you deserve to understand. Faelyne: The crash is not laziness, couch day, not a failure, and the recovery is not wasted time. Stephanie: It's neuro recovery. Trademark. Faelyne: And going full carry? Not inherently a problem. Stephanie: As long as you choose it, plan for, thaw something for dinner beforehand. Faelyne: Yeah, but don't choose resentment. Pot roast. Okay, you got four protocols now in your lab pocket. One, know thy triggers. Two, cleareth the rumeth. Three, buildeth in the recovery, and four, for the love of all things scientific, show your lab work. Stephanie: Ooh, it's my favorite. Ooh. Even if it includes a cat. Faelyne: especially if your work includes a cat. Stephanie: Hey, there is one more touchy feely protocol. Thank your people for supporting you, so thank you. Faelyne: you are welcome, and I honestly appreciate that I'm off the hook for the next couple of episodes. He Stephanie: I totally dug that hyper focus hole myself. Hey, are you excited about your dinner party this weekend? I did remember that. I wrote it in my planner, which is somewhere. Faelyne: I wait, sorry, are you having a dinner party tonight? Stephanie: I have to go. Faelyne: Stuff. Stephanie: The roast isn't gonna resent itself. Faelyne: Well until next time, keep experimenting and try not to of embarrassment. We are so getting good at that. Stephanie: Die of embarrassment. Why do you keep saying that? Faelyne: Cause I think we are. Stephanie: Are you manifesting that with your superpower brain? Okay. Faelyne: I yes, I am manifesting. As being able to land on the same word at the same time. Stephanie: Yeah. look. I need to put this in show notes. It's a meme. Do you see it? Hmm. Very nice. Okay. That's a teaser. People are being like, I wanna go to YouTube to see this amazing meme from meme therapy. Faelyne: yes I do. Yeah. Yeah you do. That's my office. Meme therapy. Stephanie: Mm-hmm. I gotta go to bed and resent a roast. Faelyne: Cause that roast not gonna present itself. Stephanie: Mm, that is always always good.