Dr. D: Is that how I like? I Carly. I was gonna say Archiley. Nope. Coach A: Leave the rest to me Leave it all to me Dr. D: to. Coach A: Mama cutie, Dr. D: Mama killed it. She did well she actually didn't kill him which is the crazy part. She simply asked him to do whatever his little trick was. Right off the balcony. Coach A: Malakazam, malakazoo. and trick he did. right? Watch out y'all, Teba was in the room. The upper. Dr. D: So we watched that this morning and then proceeded to rewatch that moment multiple times today. And then like we just noticed so many different things like Stevie being like pointing to the portrait of Tiibo, RIP Tiibo. Coach A: And there. Sit down! Dr. D: Sutter. Bye friends. Bye girlypop. Coach A: I said tell me what's really going on. Coach it back up and this thing I'm ready. What's happening? Gone for surgery but now I'm back again. I bought my paper like a motherfucking scratch and win. Dr. D: Well... Mm-hmm. Coach A: How you doing today? Dr. D: actually really tired. I was up early this morning and now I think this is usually the time when I start to crash. But I'm really happy. I'm really happy to be here where I am right now. How are you? Coach A: their wall that nasty fall. There we go. We ⁓ got a scenery change. We got a scenery change. Dr. D: We do have the scenery changed. Yeah. I do have to tell you something. We do. I have to tell you something. Coach A: keep you on your toes. Dr. D: There is like a really beautiful girl across the hall from me. And I'm like kind of nervous. Coach A: you should get our number. Dr. D: might, ⁓ might work up the courage. But like she's kind of looking, looking right at me. Okay. Coach A: you should definitely get her number. Just pull up on her. Wish her pick up line. Dr. D: I don't know. I don't really that's not what I do. I'm not a picker-upper. Coach A: You don't pick up? You get picked up. You get picked up. You not bounty. Dr. D: I'm not bounty. Absolutely not. I'm whatever is the spill that is getting picked up. Coach A: That's what's wrong with the world today. Y'all don't be saying, you know what saying? Y'all don't be taking the first step, taking the initiative. Y'all want, y'all want the mad squad to do it for you or do it first, initiate the conversation. Dr. D: I feel like. Yeah, my way of initiating is like making eyes at you so that you can initiate. Like I'm looking at you and you gotta pick it up and then take it. Coach A: But see, like, I hear you, but hear me out though. What if they can't see? What if they like me and they just blind? Like, I don't know. Dr. D: I mean, but you have your glasses on. So what are we talking about? Then, you know, I could send you a drink perhaps. Like that's like a passive way of making the first move. Coach A: What if I'm drunk? Yeah, you can send me, you send me, but that's, that's tricky. The gesture is cool, but it depends on a drink. Cause I feel like different drinks send different messages. Like if you send somebody an incredible haul, they're going to be like, Dr. D: Yeah. I'll be like, you think I'm ghetto. You think you, where do you think I'm brazai? Coach A: What do you think is like the best, like the safest drink to send anybody? Male, female, gay, straight, like what do you think is the best, the safest drink you can send? That's not a beer. Dr. D: Yeah, I was going to say a beer is pretty mellow or like a cider. Hard liquor, so not even like a glass of rosé. Like I would like a glass of wine. Coach A: That's not a bit liquor. Hard liquor. No, no, no, No, what is the best, the safest cocktail? Dr. D: For anybody, for anybody, maybe like a lemon drop. Maybe like a lemon drop or like a... Coach A: Anybody? Lemon drop? Dr. D: What else is good? You know like a lemon drop sex on the beach? Something like that. Something fruity. Coach A: Okay. Dr. D: think I would send somebody a lemon drop, I guess, if I was to send somebody a drink. I Coach A: You send in drinks or send in shots? ⁓ Dr. D: A shot is actually crazy. I think to send somebody that you don't know a shot is a choice. Coach A: Is it? Like yeah, send her a green tea shot. Dr. D: That's nice. I would accept your green tea shot. I would be like, no thanks. But a shot, when you say shot, that makes me think like, ⁓ send her like, from Casa Migos. Coach A: That's what I'm saying. You can't go wrong with a green- No, see, no. Somebody said Mikasa amigos, we fighting on site. Why would you say Mikasa? Dr. D: You mean a mixed shot. Yeah, like why are you sending me a shot of straight alcohol? But a green tea shot, okay, I would accept that. Cause those are very chill. We should go get some actually. Coach A: No, exactly. You can't go wrong. green tea shot if I'm sitting a drink if I were to send a drink I probably sound like a Yeah, probably like a... Bay Breeze or... Dr. D: You do love a big break. Coach A: You know, vodka soda, something simple. Dr. D: I'm sorry, my lights are dimming. Oh, no. They just got really dark in here. That just freaked me out a little bit. I'm actually kind of terrified. Coach A: Damn, I guess we should change the subject. you Anyway, welcome one, welcome all to another installment of the greatest podcasts, East of the Mississippi and West. the unofficial transcript. I am your amazing undefeated hell of a host, Coach A, AKA Big what? Big Scorp. Dr. D: Score. And now I'm Dr. D. ⁓ I don't have any of the fanfare that you have. I feel like very much like Dr. D today. I was very much in Dr. D mode. Usually I don't feel like that. I like an imposter. Today, today is a Dr. D day for sure. So I embrace it. Coach A: We're definitely in polar opposites. It's no way. The worst thing that could happen, not the worst thing, but y'all don't want me to have a doctor in front of my name. I'm gonna tell you that right now. You ain't gonna be able to tell me, shite. You can't tell me nothing now. Dr. D: Are we polar opposites? I I use it when I need to use it. In fact, my doctor-versary is coming up soon, which is crazy. So Dr. will be two, two years old. Coach A: That's wild. Dr. D: It is wild. Two years, almost two years ago, I defended my dissertation and became a doctor at the Eduardo and did. Thank you. Thank you. Coach A: Mm. But you did it, you guara-uara. You guara-uara. Congratulations. We all need a strap to be like, like Dr. D. Dr. D: Say that one more time. Coach A: y'all need to strive to be like Dr. D. Dr. D: Oh yeah, we need more black women doctors. Only 4.4 % of the doctorates. It was only 3%. When I started my doctorate, was 3 % of doctorates were given to black women or black women earned doctorates nationally. So of the doctorates out there, only 4.4 % of them are black women. Coach A: 4.4. Is that nationally or internationally? Nationally? That's crazy. And most of them probably are either like medical doctors or education related, education related. Dr. D: Thank Coach A: world. Dr. D: So it's an alarming stat, but we're rare, I suppose. So join us. It's not that hard. Coach A: Hell yeah. It's okay to be rare. Back in the day, my Snapchat name was RareCarmotty. Dr. D: rare commodity. Coach A: I should bring that back. Dr. D: I would agree with that. I would agree that Shara Rae come out of me. I think my Snapchat name was just my name. I didn't really snap too much. Like I just use it to watch Dr. Miami. Coach A: Dr. ⁓ on Snapchat? Really? Dr. D: Yes. Yes, that's, will watch, we will watch them BBLs on Snapchat all day. Just tap that, tap through. Literal surgeries on Snapchat. That I don't want a BBL. That it looks very painful. The way he like stabs this like thingy in and like, I don't know if he's sucking fat out or putting fat in whatever. It's like. Coach A: Interesting. I love that for you. Hell yeah, did you learn anything? Dr. D: Somebody taking a metal straw and just like stabbing it through your... ...hiney. Coach A: Is it like a, do the end look like end of the Capri Sunstraw? Okay. Dr. D: Yeah. Mm-hmm. It's kind of stabby. Coach A: It's kind of stabby. Excuse me. Dr. D: Yeah, and I can imagine like the recovery of that, the way he's like, he's not doing it gently. He's like, Coach A: That's why you need meds. Dr. D: You need meds. But you know, if I was to get a surgery, BBO would not be the one that I would select. Off the menu. Coach A: Man, stay off the table. Stay off the table. As somebody who has gotten seven surgeries, stay off the table. Dr. D: Please. Coach A: Not a BBo though. Dr. D: Not a video. This might be gross. this is going to be gross, but ⁓ guy on TikTok ⁓ a surgery and he read the surgical notes. Have you seen this? And they like described medically like what they did to him. And I don't know what the procedure was, but it definitely had to something with his butt. And they described in medical terms how they taped his ass cheeks apart. Like, and I was like, ⁓ like I would not want to read this somebody. opened up my butt cheeks and like take them apart for medical reasons. Could you imagine like Coach A: You just spread open. God damn. I mean, I don't know if I've ever read my own surgical notes, but the first time I got surgery, I had it on my ACL. I had an ACL tear, complete tear, aminiscous. So I got that surgery and then I ended up tearing my ACL again. So the second time around, I don't know what made me, but I was curious. I was like, let me look. Dr. D: Yeah. notes. you. We'll how that goes. Coach A: Let me look online, see if I can find something like, what would they be doing? Like, how do you reconstruct an ACL? And it led me to like an actual video in an actual operating room doing an actual procedure. And when I tell you I was scarred for life, scarred for life, they be in that plan. Just moving your knee any old witch away. Dr. D: Yeah. Yikes. Thanks. crazy. Coach A: They just, they go off anesthesia. I don't understand how people back in the day had surgery without anesthesia. Dr. D: Literally, they would just like, you would just drink some whiskey or something. Coach A: Yeah, super wild, super wild. Dr. D: Super wild. Coach A: Anyhow, I suppose we should get to the show. All right. So I think today what we're going to talk about is. guess I could be like a pastor. Like everybody pull out your Bible's turn. Go with me to the Book of Everybody Can't Go because they can't. Dr. D: go. You Yeah. Coach A: So I think like one of the hardest lessons in life is kind of realizing that everybody that you started your journey with is not going to be there. Like at the end, they're not meant to always finish it with you. so, and it doesn't like, that's not necessarily a bad thing, right? And it doesn't make those people bad. It's just a of life, right? Like everybody you start with ain't going be there. Dr. D: Thank you. Coach A: Maybe y'all grow apart, maybe the paths change, maybe there is a fallout. But I think when you go through life and you grow through life, one of the painful truths that you learn is just that everybody can go. Dr. D: Absolutely. I used to think that was like a flaw, like a personality. Like I used to think it was me, like when my friends did not transition with me through the next phase. Like I think we talked about this before, but like my middle school friends didn't necessarily stay with me in high school. My high school friends didn't necessarily stay with me through college and my college friends didn't necessarily stay with me through, you know, post graduate life. Coach A: Yeah. Dr. D: And I thought that like, maybe I was the drama or like something wrong with me that like these friendships are not lasting. I think because the people like my mom, for example, her friend group is like 20 plus years, 30 plus years probably locked in. And I saw them as like, okay, this is what it's supposed to be. Like this is what it's supposed to be like. They friendships. They last 30 plus years and never like fall out, or at least to my knowledge, never fall out. Coach A: Mm. Yeah. Dr. D: And so, I don't know, think I subconsciously might have compared myself to that. And so when my friendships didn't do that, didn't have that longevity, I was like, well, maybe I'm the bad guy. But I think as an adult, I'm realizing that that's not necessarily the case. It really do just be some people is in your life for a season. And that's okay, like that's not bad. Coach A: Okay, that's okay. That is okay. Some friendships for sure have an expiration date. Dr. D: Mm-hmm. Coach A: And I think that the. The messed up, I guess part about it is that like, you know, when you buy milk or you buy bread or whatever, you can see the expiration date so you know, but with friendships, it's not like that. Dr. D: but we're afraid to exist completely. Coach A: You don't know when the end is gonna come. It's like death. You don't know when the end gonna come, but you know it's coming. Dr. D: Yeah, and it's like, don't think we, like as humans, we want to think about it like that. I don't think we ever approach people or meet people like, yeah, this ain't going to last. Like, I don't think people want to think about that, but I think sometimes people just reveal themselves or maybe you reveal things about yourself that somebody might be like, no thanks, or they reveal things about themselves that you're like, no thanks. So I think it's a challenge. Coach A: Yeah. It is a challenge. think college ⁓ is a really good example, right? Because I don't think that we go into college necessarily thinking like, these only going to be my friends for four years. Like, we're not thinking like that. And honestly, like, that's not always the truth, right? Like, there are plenty of friends that last far beyond college. Like, I still have friends that I talk to when I've been out of college. Dr. D: is really exciting. 10 years? Yeah. Coach A: Yeah, I mean, you know, some of us, we, what? 14 years strong. So the witch is wild. What are we doing? What are we doing? Golly, my bad. just had a, that just came to me like an epiphany. Dr. D: Aging. Aging. ⁓ Do you think some people only in friendships or relationships for that matter, like because of proximity? And that maybe sometimes our friends are only our friends because of proximity and not because we actually vibe with them, but just because we just happen to be in the same space. Coach A: Yeah, for sure. there are definitely people that I met in college that I was friends with in college that looking back, if we weren't in the same damn class every day, we probably would have never like. Dr. D: Mm-hmm. Coach A: So yes, think a lot of friendships are ⁓ proximity based. That's a really good question. Dr. D: I think is, yeah, I think many of them are. But I guess meeting friends, like unless you are on like Bumble BFF or like in some kind of thing, because there are things these days where you like people who intentionally want to find friends meet up. And that's like, you're trying to control that. You're trying to control the fact that you're having a relationship, making a relationship, you're making an effort. But I guess most friendships, most relationships start off Coach A: trying to think about that. Yeah. Yeah. Dr. D: because of proximity, because people live in the same area or are at the same event or something like that. And then you just hit it off. ⁓ And sometimes, yeah, sometimes I guess you just immediately know you're not compatible and just still keep going through it because of proximity. Maybe you don't wanna kill the vibe of whatever situation you're in. So you're just like, I'll just be friends with you. Coach A: Mm-hmm. I'll just be friends with you. You here? Might as well. Dr. D: You hear, and nobody wants that, but like I think a lot of people are in situations just because somebody was there. Coach A: You know, it's funny, because we're talking about friends, right? Which is important, right? Friends are important. But when we're talking about the subject of today, right? Like everybody can go. The truth of the matter is that that also can apply to family. Like it's not just friends, right? Like sometimes you've got to cut some cousins off, you know what saying? Or cut your, it's a lot of people who are no contact with their parents. know what I mean? Luckily for me, my daddy went no contact with me, you know, months out, three months out the womb, you feel me? ⁓ look so disappointed. Dr. D: You look so disappointed. I'm not disappointed. just, I was just listening. Coach A: But no, awesome rule, like applies to family as well, right? and sometimes can be the hardest boundary, like the hardest line to draw in the sand. Dr. D: Yeah. Coach A: So yeah, just wanted to make that point. Dr. D: and just like, you that's very true. And I had like, I think a very hard time dealing with that reality, like, especially like with my cousins, like my own generation, where I think, again, like seeing my mom's generation of them, like, you know, friendships, cousins, family, whatever, they are just so locked in and have been for so long. To me, that was the standard. Coach A: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Dr. D: ⁓ and so when my cousins or like my like generation, if you will, aren't weren't doing that, I'm like, where did we go wrong? Like, why are we not as locked in as they are? And I need to, I personally need to, to terrify myself, need to get out of that mindset. But I think that's definitely something that I had to deal with, with family members being like branching out and doing their own things and moving and like. Coach A: Yeah. Yeah. Dr. D: having their own life in other places and being like interesting like and feeling like entitled. I think I definitely felt a lot of entitlement to like being invited places and doing certain things and being a part of certain life events. But like maybe I'm the person that just can't come like that's just you know for that person's journey. It's not like personal it's not like anything that anybody did but that person's moving forward or those people are moving forward. Coach A: Yeah. Yeah. Dr. D: in on their own path and like just because we're related doesn't mean that like we have to go along. Like this person is cultivating their own life in their own, you know, doing their own thing and learning how to not take it personally was definitely something I had to learn for sure. Coach A: Yeah. Yeah. For sure, for sure. And I feel that, like my family, I've said multiple times on the show, my family is big. I come from a large army of cousins and aunts and uncles and nieces and nephews, you know what saying? And we've had people move away. We've had people move to Boston and move to Cali. People move. And while it is kind of sad, is you, way that I look at it, think it is a, I think it's a good thing, right? Cause I, there are so many people who maybe they have a lot of family, maybe they don't, but they can't seem to leave home. Like I've been guilty of that myself. Like when you comfortable and you know, you got community here, you know, you got a support system and like, you know, all these things that you have here. It is scary, it's scarier to go out into the world of the unknown where you know you probably not going to have all of that, right? Like you can't just go down the street to grandma house and get you, you know what saying? A pound cake, you know what I'm saying? Or you know, or you can't just call your sister to ask her to watch your kids while you run, you know, wherever. so, um, it definitely takes a lot. And I respect those who do like up and leave. Dr. D: It's good. and get you, you know what I'm I feel okay you. Right. sex hurt. Yeah. Coach A: But like another thing though, like for reason that you're leaving, you feel like you gotta leave your family behind. Your family can't Your family. Dr. D: Thank you. your family can't go, you can't take your whole family to wherever your next chapter is, especially if it's out of town or out of the country or something like that. And it's hard. I think it's hard because family. And saying not everybody can come and that includes family is also saying like your family isn't invited. That's very counterintuitive to a lot of families, lot of families, black families, like we're taught that family is everything. Family comes before everything. Coach A: swear I could never remember who said what to me, ⁓ but, ⁓ but. So like, in terms of like leaving people behind, Like, you know, we say everybody can go, but there are many ways to word it. Like sometimes it's you leaving people behind. Sometimes you just cut people out your life, whatever. Kind of a good metaphor for that, that someone said to me was that, you know, when ⁓ you give when you give birth, how many people allowed in a room? Dr. D: Mm-hmm. One or two. Coach A: everybody can't witness your birth or rebirth in this case, right? So it's not necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes like for the safety of you, for the safety of the baby, for the safety of whatever, you have to limit the people in the room witnessing the rebirth or the birth. And I think that's an excellent metaphor for what we're talking about, right? Like ⁓ Dr. D: Yeah. ⁓ Coach A: Sometimes when you go through change or you going through like a level up or a glow up or whatever, right? Or maybe you just, you don't even know what you're doing, which is a lot of us as adults, but you just know that you need to get out of where you're at or you just need to change. The less people you have around you to tell you like, Oh, don't do that. That's stupid. Why would you do, you know what saying? The less noise you have around you, the better. Dr. D: Thank Right, right. Very true. Very, very true. I think it's also a really good metaphor because it's like, think about who are the people that you usually have in the room with you when you give her, like the relationships, like they're the closest people to you. And so it's not just any two people. It's like, it's not just anybody. It's like people who it makes sense. Like it has to make sense. And I think that's important. that's a good metaphor. I don't know who said that to you, but shout out to them. Coach A: Yeah shoutout to you whoever you are. Dr. D: Anonymous. Coach A: So when we talk about cutting people off or whatever, right? Do you think that people deserve a conversation when you pulling back from them or you ghosting them or having one word? Do you think they deserve a conversation or do you think that the distance itself is the conversation? Read the room. Dr. D: Mm-hmm. Personally, do people deserve a conversation? Sometimes. I think it depends. think that sometimes you do deserve an explanation because it might feel, it might seem sudden or like out of the blue, but like everyone doesn't deserve a conversation. And even if you deserve a conversation, I don't know if having a conversation is always productive. So it's very up in the air around who deserves a conversation. Cause you could be like distancing yourself from someone. Who didn't necessarily wrong you in any way. It's just like not a good fit. And so having the conversation is like, I just don't really vibe with you. I guess, like I think a lot of people feel the need for closure. Like people are like, I need to have closure or I need to get this off my chest. And I think personally, that's kind of more for your own self, like for your own sense of closure than the other person. Like I think oftentimes, Coach A: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Dr. D: Like we were just talking about love is blind. And when old Wiss's name said, I don't want to get married or I'm not ready to get married. And then turn around and got engaged to somebody else. It's like the two of you is silent. Like sometimes people say, I don't want this or I don't want that. It's like with you, but they don't say that part because that hurts people's feelings. You don't want to hear it. Nobody wants to hear that. So I don't necessarily think a conversation is always warranted or necessary. I think sometimes it could just. dig the knife in a little deeper. I've definitely been, I've been friendship, friend breaking, broken up with twice. ⁓ I'm like, well, if I get one more friend breakup, then maybe it's me. But I've had ⁓ different people, like two people who I've considered like best friends actually write out a text message of what they felt like was misaligned between us. And I'm like, okay, like. Coach A: Yeah. Yeah. Dr. D: You got that off, now that doesn't really change anything. So like you telling me you've right in this thing. I don't know. Like, I don't know how productive it is. I would rather you just like exit, I suppose, then like make a speech about why you're exiting. Coach A: Yeah. As a professional goaster in my past life. Dr. D: I was about to say, your pants. Coach A: In my past life, it's definitely a case by case basis. Like if in a relationship with somebody, can't just, I mean, you could, let me not use the word can't, you could just ghost them, but like. Dr. D: That would be horrible. Coach A: Like, yeah, that's, we don't do that. We don't do that. ⁓ with friendships, I've for sure had multiple friendships ⁓ I just felt like they didn't serve me anymore or like they didn't add any value. And ⁓ gotten the point in my life where like, I don't really have the time or the energy or the want to have. meaningless interactions or friendships with people who don't add any value or, you Now I will say that there are certain friends that have roles, like for sure. Like for example, if I wanna go out, if I wanna have like a night on the town or whatever, to the club, well I don't really club no more, but you know, go to a party or whatever. There are specific friends I'ma call, right? But like. Dr. D: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Coach A: It's certain friends like, if I call you at nine o'clock, I already know you in the bed and I know you ain't getting out. You is already in the bed rubbing your feet together, watching Love is Blind or you know, whatever, Smudge Bob. So I'm not calling you, but it's something that I know some of my friends I call, I'm be, it's, we're in the addy. We there, we outside. So there's definitely friends that serve certain purposes, but generally speaking. Dr. D: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Coach A: If it don't serve me or if I feel like it's no purpose, then I'm probably going to go shoot. And sometimes I feel like it don't be worth having a conversation. Dr. D: I don't think it's that productive, honestly. Like, it hurts to be ghosted, don't get me wrong. Like, it sucks to just have a relationship just kind of yanked, or a person just kind of yanked from your life, and wondering like what went wrong or what's going on with the person. Because sometimes like, did they die? Are they okay? Like, did something happen? And then it's like, no, they just blocked you. Like, no, they literally just ghosted you. Coach A: Yeah. Dr. D: And I really don't think it's any better to have a reason, like to have a exit interview with the person. Like, I don't think you need to do that. Like, why are we having exit interviews for friendships? I don't want to hear that. It's just, it's not, it's like, what am I, like, what am I going to do with this information? I don't think that you do this, this, this. Cool. All right. I think it's interesting that you said, like relationships that don't serve you. Coach A: Exit interview. what could have been better? Dr. D: And this is something that I think I struggle with is like. that mindset, I guess, of like what people can do for you or what people, like what relationships can do for you. How can they add to your, add value to your life, I suppose. And I think in many, many, many of my friendships, relationships, like just many of my experiences in life in general, like from middle school to like grownup, I think it's always been that I was adding something or adding value to other people and I didn't necessarily feel that it was reciprocated and I didn't know if it could be even reciprocated. think a lot of people like, you know, had good grades or whatever. I think a lot of people became my friends because of that, like, oh, she's smart. I'm gonna just get close to her or oh, she's this or that. And it's obvious that like beyond what I can do for you, what I can help you with, it's not like an interest in who I am as a person, which is sometimes how it's like, we find out later that it's missing line because I'm not helping you with your homework no more, or I'm not helping you with this no more. And it's like, ⁓ well, you're actually mean, or you're actually boring, or you're actually this or that. And it's like, well, you came into it because you saw, you saw the value that I brought to you. You didn't consider what value you brought to me. And maybe you just don't bring any value to like, you just don't bring any value to me. And so I'm not going to hold you at the highest of standards, I suppose. Coach A: Yeah. Bye. Dr. D: Which may, you know, that could be a me thing, but that's definitely something I struggle with, I think, expressing. Like, what do you add to my life? What value do you bring to my life? Coach A: Yeah, I think that's beyond friendships. I think this is like a life thing, right? And you should, it should be applied to every facet of relationships that you have at work and romantic relationships, even with family. And this is coming from a special place. Like this is personal to me. So ⁓ reciprocation is like, Dr. D: Thank you. Thank Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Coach A: so important and it's often overlooked. So when you come across a person who is nice, like they always look out for you, they always check up on you, you know, the strong friend, right? I've been labeled as the strong friend. I've been labeled by other people and I've often labeled myself as a strong friend. So I'm usually the one, always have been, well, up until this point in my life. Dr. D: Mm-hmm. different. Coach A: I've always been the one to reach out, check up on, you you good, you need anything. Like if you got something going on, I'm popping out. don't care where it's at, I'm driving, I'm catching flights to your event. You know, I'm making sure your family good, making sure you straight. Like when I was in college, it was people who would hit me up and be like, yo, like, can we talk in it? We would just be in, we could be in my car in my dorm room till like 2 a.m. just rapping, just so they can get it off their chest. Like I've always been that person. Dr. D: Mm-hmm. Coach A: And then sometimes like when you going through stuff as that person, when you go through stuff and you look around and ain't nobody there, you'd be like, ⁓ you motherfuckers. Like that's so wild. That is so wild. But at the same time, like, and I'm not pointing fingers, right? Like at the same time that's on me because I should have not only voiced my feelings, but also kind of like demanded for back. Dr. D: Thank Right. That's the hard thing to deal with. but also kind of demand. Demand is a classification. You don't see this coming anymore. You don't see it coming anymore. Coach A: feel like I'm a better word, demanded that reciprocation. Like, hey, you don't see this pattern? you don't see every time you need somebody to talk to, I always answer the phone. Every time you need something, I'm always there. You need $5, I'm there, like. Dr. D: Right. Yep. It's a very sobering reality. And I think I discovered this, ⁓ like going through my cash at one time. You know how you can see like how much you send to somebody versus how much they send to you. Like you can see that in a chart, like a graphic of like, sent this person X amount of dollars. They sent me this amount of dollars. And it's like, Coach A: Mm-hmm. Dr. D: It has nothing to with the cash app specifically, I thought, think about that in terms of relationships. How many people would your bar be like, 85 % is you giving to them and whatever, 100 minus 85 is, that percent, 15 % is them giving to you. Or is it a hundred and zero? There are people, family members or whatever, who I've cashed up them thousands and they cashed up me zero. Coach A: Yeah. 15. wild. Dr. D: And it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's just a crazy reality to even think about. I often think of, not with money specifically, but just with energy, with effort, of if we had a visual representation of how people are involved with each other, how they contribute to each other's lives, it would be very sobering, I think, to think about the amount of people. And this is work, friends. all the people in my orbit. Like how many people take from me for lack of a better term, like ask me for things or ideas, pick your brain, do this, do that versus pouring into me or like asking me if I need anything. I don't know. I also have a hard time asking for help, like real bad. But I think it also comes from ⁓ being able to ask people for help. with the things that I'm dealing with. Coach A: Right. Or, or it's just that every, you the person that people ask for help. So if you're the, if you're the helper, if you are always the helper, people feel like they can't help you. Or I do you want better. People feel like they don't have to help you because you always got it. Yeah. You got, you got it together. You got it. I think me and you are alike in that way. Or it's like to the people around us, the people who mean the most to us, like our family and stuff like that. We, I don't know who told them. Dr. D: Okay. Right. Right. Like you just got it all together. me the most effective way to break them. Coach A: But apparently we got it all together. Dr. D: Right. Like, no need to worry about them. They're great. Coach A: Yeah, like they good. They good. So, you know, the only people I could say that really like looked out for real is my great grandmother and my grandmother and my mom. But my great grandmother was good for like, she ain't even, my great grandmother probably, when she was alive, probably never knew how much money I made or even my grandmother probably never knew how much money I made. But they would always call me and be like, yo, you Dr. D: felt like, yeah, yeah. mean, it's, you know. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Check and eat. Coach A: You need, you need something. My great grandmother mailed me loose quarters in an envelope talking about just in case you need wash your drawers. I ain't saying you don't got it. Right. Right. Dr. D: I love that. But that's so helpful. That's so thoughtful. To be considered when most people don't consider you is such a blessing. It's so rare. It means all that much more. It's like, oh, you really thought about me. When there's so many other people, there's so many other bigger fires that you could be putting out. That's how I look at it. There are so many other people who need more help, I guess. So do I need help? Yes. Do I need help? Yes. But are there people who need a lot more help? Coach A: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dr. D: that are more, that are louder and squeakier wheels than I am. Also, yes. So when people go, go beyond the person that always needs help to ask you for the thing that you would never even ask for is like, I love that. My grandmother's like that also. Shout out to Kareem. Coach A: It's so weird. It's so, well, it is, it's interesting because I've found as a person who has always been like the giver, in every facet, right? Like just every, everything, even Christmas, like I take Christmas personal. Like I put so much thought, I feel into the gifts that I give. Like I'm not really like a gift carder or anything like, like I try to, yeah. Dr. D: Thank you. you You give gifts, gifts that make sense to individual. Yes, you do. Coach A: So like, you know, I'm so intentional, at least I try to be with how I give, whether it's physical or, you know, whatever, right? Service-based, like whatever. I find it very difficult to like receive it. And it's not that I don't want it, but like, that hasn't been my normal. Like people don't just give to me, right? At least not like how I give to other people. Dr. D: Yeah. ability. ⁓ Coach A: And so when people do things, do nice things, I'd be like, what? Dr. D: Me? Or me? Coach A: Me? Like my last birthday, a couple days before my last birthday, I walked into work and the whole office was just decorated. Now granted, I got a holiday birthday, like, it wasn't holiday, it was like happy birthday. Like, you know what I'm saying? It was, and I ain't never had that happen before. Like I'm talking about my whole office, no, my whole office, food, they done cater food. Dr. D: Yeah. at work. Coach A: It was a cake or cupcakes or that. Like it was a whole thing. I walk, I'm like, bro, I'm ready to Cause what do you mean? What do you mean? So, but yeah, I find it, I find it difficult to, to, to receive, like, say that to say though, I don't think that people who don't give a lot, like if you're always receiving, I don't think people like that understand. Dr. D: Yeah. in the next Coach A: what the opposite feeling is like. Like if you so used to getting gifts, you used to that feeling. But when you're not used to getting gifts or access service or whatever, you'd be like, it's kind of awkward. As extra, as talkative as I am, you want to see me speechless? Do something nice. Do something nice. What? I probably cry. Dr. D: Yeah. It is. Mm. I think you have cried at a gift before. Coach A: That's what I'm saying. Cause I'm like, yo, me? Like, me? Dr. D: Yeah. It's crazy. And I think I grew up sharing my birthday with a lot of other people. Like there's a million birthdays in August in my family. And so I grew up with a kid saying happy birthday, Darriel and, and, and, like, so like that's just been, that was my life. Like it's always been my birthday and somebody else's. And so as an adult, I'm like, Like it's weird, it's a very, and I also have a summer birthday, so I never had school birthdays. I never had like, I never had that like type of focus just on me as a person. yeah, somebody actually taking the time to honor you as an individual is so interesting. And I think like I was talking to, shout out to Alicia and to Taylor, our birthdays are back to back. August 8th, August 11th, August 18th. Coach A: Yeah. Dr. D: So three Leos back to back to back, like a couple of days between us all. And so we had this conversation in February, like, all right, what are we doing? Like, how, how is we going to do this? You know what I mean? Because each person has their individual day that like Alicia said this, like, I think your birthday is your day. Like at the very least you're going to get this, this and this. Like, will we celebrate the whole season together and do everything all month? Yes. But like your day is your day. You don't have to feel like it's a. Coach A: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Dr. D: mixture of things or like we all have to you know it's not that it's not like that's not that it's your day so like i really appreciate effort to like i don't know i think it's my mindset to like mush everything together because that's how i always ⁓ done it but it's like no it is my day i can't even last year i had to work on my birthday which is crazy but for the work i do the work i do it's worth it ⁓ it worth it people like ⁓ Coach A: Which is nuts, I refuse to I ain't saying it ain't worth it, but I couldn't tell you the last birthday. I don't think I've ever worked on my birthday. Actually, as a matter of fact, I've never worked on my birthday. And I don't like, I said, I got a holiday birthday, but it's not my birthday on Halloween. It's not like a you get off work holiday. It's a, it's a working day. If it's on Monday through Friday, you at work. Like, but, but you know what? I'm sitting here thinking and, I'm not trying to therapy myself. I know we try, we try very hard not to do that on this show. ⁓ Dr. D: You shouldn't, nobody should work on their birthday. Nobody should work. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Coach A: But that may be like this, everything that we're talking about, like how everything is not always reciprocated. I think that might be a really big part of why I do so much like for myself, right? Like, I don't know if you want to call it self care or anything like that, but like, that's why I make it up. Like I take myself on vacation or I buy those shoes or I buy, you know what saying? Dr. D: myself. Coach A: I try to make sure that I get all the things that I get myself all the things that I want. Cause I'm not waiting on somebody else to do it for me. I'm not waiting on it to just happen, right? Somebody to give me something. I just go get it. if that shit ain't But like imagine, imagine if you had a community of people pouring into you. But I've, I think I've said this before on a show, like, Dr. D: don't get on with things like that. suffer with things that. Yeah. You can it. Coach A: I've always had to be the one to refill my own cup. Like I pour, I pour everybody, everybody gets some, everybody gets some out of my cup. And then I walk my happy ass back to my own little personal water cooler and fill that shit back up. Don't nobody pour into mine. You feel me? Dr. D: and fill yours up for yourself. Yeah. Coach A: But I also don't do it, like I don't do it expecting reciprocation though. And I don't do it for reciprocation. I do it because that's genuinely just the person I am. That's just how God, like I came out the womb like this. I can't be an asshole. Yeah, my heart is huge, like way too big, way too big. But don't mistake it for weakness though, because. Dr. D: Mm. Yeah. Yeah, you want to help people. ⁓ Right, right, Coach A: you will be surprised. can be cold blooded, but naturally I am a big hearted person. Especially when it comes to kids, I have a weak spot for kids. Dr. D: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Coach A: Do you ever feel, like when we talk about cutting people off or leaving people behind, do you ever feel like a sense of guilt? Dr. D: sense of. Coach A: With that. Dr. D: No, I wouldn't say guilt. I would say it's sad. Like I think there's maybe a bit of grief or like a light version of grief that you go through. ⁓ don't know if guilty would be the word, but I think it is a loss. ⁓ for better or worse, somebody can be not aligned with you ⁓ you know that and you need to separate or whatever. But you still miss Coach A: Yeah. Dr. D: the person, like you still had a bond with this person. And so I think there's a more of a grief of like missing certain aspects or certain things or certain memories that are attached to this person. But then it's ultimately like back to reality, this person was not a good person. Like overall, this person was not a good person for me overall. So I think you can miss the good and like still accept like. Coach A: Yeah. Dr. D: except that you need to move forward. Like I'm not a block spinner in that way. Like I don't think you cut people off and then be like, feel guilty and then let them back in or block, unblock. I don't, don't, I don't think I would dabble in any of that. I think you can just miss them and or miss the moment or like have a moment, acknowledge it. I think that's human and normal to be like, Oh damn, I miss this or wow, this was, you know, miss this person or this memory, but like ultimately it's for the best. Coach A: Yeah. Dr. D: that we have gone our separate ways. Coach A: I could probably argue that my first about, I guess, with that feeling was going to college because I had a lot of friends, even family as well, but I had a lot of friends who, like people you grew up with, people you get in trouble with, you know what saying? People you do all the kid stuff with, right? Like all the teenage stuff with you. Doing things you ain't supposed to be doing, right? And then... Dr. D: Yeah. Coach A: Like, let's be real, if you grew up in a place like that, like in a hood or anything, anything like that, right? Where it's not that many people go to college. I'll just put it that way. And you choose the road less traveled and you go to college. lot of your friends from back home ⁓ think like, like, ⁓ you, you know, you, you think you better than us now. You went to college and you did that. You know what saying? And it's like. Dr. D: you Coach A: You don't know. I don't know if at that age you have the verbiage to say like, I'm not on what you want no more. Like I'm over here now. You feel me? I'm trying to like, I'm not saying that you can't still be in the streets, but as for me, I'm going over here. Dr. D: Great. myself. Mm-hmm. Coach A: And so I think that was my first real like. That was my first time dealing with exactly what we're talking about, which is like, sometimes you gotta, sometimes people just get cut off. And like, it wasn't even my intention to cut them off. It just kind of happened because the paths like just, yeah. Dr. D: Ew. Diverge. I think, I don't think for me it's ever, it hasn't been a decision, like an active decision or choice until I was, until like maybe two or three years ago. Like I think every other like, you know, situation like that has been very much just due to circumstance. Like I move or we go to different schools. Like it's not like a official like friendship dissolution. It's just like. Coach A: Mm. Yeah. Yeah. Dr. D: I went here, you went here, we don't see each other. We might text and then we just might not text or whatever. But it hasn't been until like my adult, like maybe 28, 27, where I'm like, I think I need to leave this person. You know how you say, if I didn't text you by January or whatever, that means I left you in the year before. There have been people like that where I'm like, you know what, I need to leave them in 2018. I need to leave them in 2019 or whatever year it was. I don't know. But that was like as an adult. where I'm like, this is just not the vibe. for one reason or another. Coach A: It's kind of funny because when some people will be saying like ⁓ you change or, you know, whatever. Cause that, that, is a line that people often say in situations like this. it's like, if they feel like they, if, if, if a change is happening, right. And, and the dynamic of a friendship, a lot of people like to be accusatory. It's like, ⁓ like you changed, you switched up. Like, you're not, you're not the same person you used to be. it's like, no, I'm not. Like, what do you know? Like, Especially when you in, when you in, yeah, when you in, you know, a teenager all the way, I'm going say your entire twenties, honestly, change is supposed to happen. like you pointing the fingers talking about you changed. Uh, yeah. Like, yes, nigga, I have changed. How do you expect for me to grow? Like telling me that I changed is not an insult to me. It's just like, well, thank you for noticing. Cause. Dr. D: Right. You expect me to be the same? So, it's not funny. Coach A: Thank you for noticing, I'm not a caterpillar no more nigga. Dr. D: like god forbid I blossom god forbid my frontal lobe develop Coach A: God forbid. Dr. D: I forbid I make better decisions and want to better my life and my circumstances. Crazy. Has any, please, has anybody ever told you that? Like somebody has told you you've changed. ⁓ wow. Interesting. Coach A: Right, and you still got a soft spot. Yes, yes multiple times like even even when I was just saying with the college. ⁓ when I was talking about like, I used going to college as an example of the first time we experienced this. Dr. D: yeah Coach A: When I was in college, one of my friends back then was definitely probably like after my freshman or sophomore year was like, yo, you changed. And it's like, probably like I've been gone. ⁓ I have changed. was in college and got allergies. I'm different. ⁓ Dr. D: Mm. I did, I did, I did, did, yes. Yeah. I went to college of biology, went away, thank God. And then I moved back home and then they came back. But I think it's interesting because a lot of people, a lot of people in my orbit, like middle school, middle school, high school, didn't go to college or didn't finish college. And from there, we are just in very different stages of life. Not stages, because we're all the same age, but you know, very different places in our lives. Coach A: during. Mm-hmm. Dr. D: And I think going to college is like that, that is like a cliff that you either, I don't know, you fall off or you don't, but I think that dramatically alters how many people can come with you and can't come with you. Like, it's that baseline. Coach A: For sure, for sure. You know, this is, yeah, this is just a thought. This might be a little bit off topic, so I apologize. I'ma reel it back in though. I just gotta get this off because we talking about like changing and going to college and stuff like that. Dr. D: Thank you. Coach A: I have a, I don't know if I ever mentioned my sister on the podcast, but I do have a sister, younger sister who is, how old are you? I don't know how old my sister is. Dr. D: You always say she is however old she is. Coach A: She is how old she is. don't know how old Kayla is. Kayla might be like 25, 24, somewhere around that. She's in mid twenties. ⁓ Kayla, I hope you don't mind me putting your business out there, ⁓ but she ain't go to college, right? And it's nothing, nothing. She started, but she didn't finish. I put it that way. She did go, but she just didn't finish. ⁓ And so wild. Anybody who had a sibling that they grew up in the same house with, it is wild to look. at your sibling or siblings and see how different y'all can be, even though y'all grew up in the same house under the same circumstances with the same opportunities, the same parents, like everything is the same except for your age maybe. it's your lives, your lives are different. The way you look at life is different. The way you approach things is different. And I think one of the biggest differences between me and Kayla is college. Seriously, like college Dr. D: Okay. ⁓ Coach A: did something like activated a part of my brain that makes me think more critically and not be so, not make decisions based off of emotion. Like there are just so many things that I attribute to college. And she doesn't have that. So sometimes when I see her like go through life and she makes mistakes as we all do, right? She makes mistakes, but I feel like it's some mistakes that she wouldn't have made. Dr. D: It really, truly does. that I'm going to train to calculate. Right. Coach A: had she had those experiences. And that's just like my, that's just my truth. But so like ⁓ that to say, if you have friends who didn't go to college and you did, like y'all, sometimes your views are just so different. And I can't quite, I probably, I'm probably not doing a good job of explaining it, but like there's differences there for sure. Dr. D: So. No, there are like even just like your orbit, like the things like the things you follow, the things you care about. Like I find like the things I engage, the media I engage with, like is it all like NPR and like super political, like anything super academic? Not always, but there is is a lot of academic discourse in my on my social media. But I think like there are Coach A: Yeah. Dr. D: people who are just like baddies, baddies, baddies. And they can tell you everything. And I'm not saying that like that's not entertainment. Like it is entertainment, but like that's the beginning and end of the media you consume is fighting and shade room and da da da da da. And I think like college is one of those places where you realize that stuff is like, that don't matter. Like in the grand scheme, that is a distraction. from all the other things going on. Like you were riding your brain and maybe this is gonna sound like I'm on my high horse a little bit, but it's like you were riding your brain with stuff. You were becoming an, you were the iPad baby now and like your actual baby is also an iPad baby. It's like, I don't know. I think college is one of those decisions that really impact the way you navigate the world. ⁓ Coach A: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Dr. D: And it just, I don't know, it can really dictate so much, unfortunately. And that's where your past just, you just can't come, because like the stuff that I care about or that interests me, you think is boring or corny or whatever. Coach A: I mean, I'd. Yeah, but you know what? I have a theory. I have a theory. This just popped in my head. Thank you, God. I have a theory. ⁓ those of us who go to college at finish, we have a different level of appreciation for knowledge and education. And ⁓ not in the formal sense. I ⁓ think there's Dr. D: Tell me. ⁓ Coach A: this thing inside of a lot of us who have gone to pursue higher education, where it's like, even for people like me who don't like school, I like learning new stuff though. I like learning new stuff. I like unlocking new doors. Because you don't know what you don't know. And so to always be seeking and pursuing to learn or do something new, that is life to me. Dr. D: Mm-hmm. Thank you. Coach A: Why would I ever want to limit myself to just the knowledge I have today? If I had to live the rest of my life with just the knowledge I have today, March whatever, 2026. Dr. D: Yeah, but it's not enough. Yeah. Coach A: I'm cooked. I'm cooked. Dr. D: And there are people who stopped, there are people who stopped in 12th grade, are people who clocked out of learning new stuff in 11th, 12th grade and have not deigned to try to accept new knowledge willingly, and picked up a book, and watched the news. Like there are people who, like when I say you live a completely different life, like we live completely different lives. And that in those decisions influence Coach A: Yeah. Dr. D: who comes with you to the next chapter. Like my friends that I met in my doctoral program, like there's a group of us, of black women. Like the program was very much, we were not the majority. ⁓ There were a few black people in the cohort, but like there were three of us who were around the same age. And like those became my, you know, my sisters, like my girls. We defended our dissertations like all in the same time. all of our doctor first reasons coming up. And it's like, now we're talking about, what's the next research thing? What conference do we want to present at? How can we collaborate? we doing, that's the kind of conversations we're having. I can't talk to somebody who I went to middle school with about that because what are we talking about? And it might sound elitist. I think my fear is that it comes off elitist. Coach A: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm Dr. D: Where it's like, I'm talking about the next thing I'm going to apply for or the next thing I want to publish or like what I'm writing, what new knowledge I want to put out. And, and we're just, you were just not talking about that. Whatever you're talking about is not something I'm interested in. Whatever I'm talking about is not something you're interested in. Love you. Like it's no love lost. It's just like, it becomes a point where we're not, I'm not relatable to you and you're not relatable to me. Coach A: Yeah. It's funny that you said that because I think, probably quite a few episodes ago, I think you asked me a question like, if, like, I, would I be open to like entertaining the conversation with somebody who I feel like is not educated? Or something along those lines. You remember that? So think it's just funny that that just came back around. You don't like having conversations with uneducated people. Dr. D: It's not that I don't like having conversation. Well, no, it's not that I don't like having no, that's not what I'm trying to say. I think the things that make me excited are things that don't excite a lot of people. That's what I'll say. It's not that I don't like like out with clearly we watch Loves Blind. I can talk about it or watch things on TV that other people are watching. It's not that I don't care to talk about certain things with certain people. It's just that I like I'm able to communicate with the masses, but I don't think that the masses are able to communicate with me, if that makes sense. Like the things that I get really, really like geeked out about, like are things that very few people actually care about. That's what I feel. Like I feel the conversations where I feel the most stimulated, like with you or like with academic stuff, nobody, like a lot of people are just like, girl, what are you talking about? Coach A: fair. Fair. Fair. Yeah. Dr. D: And I think that's the part, like the disconnect, I think, especially like with friendships and like other like relationships and things. like, well, you check out at a certain level, like my elevator goes to a point and at a certain point you get off the elevator because the stuff that I'm the rest of the stuff is like irrelevant to you or you don't care about it. You don't know about it. don't, you don't, you don't care to go there with me. It's what I'm trying to say. So it's not that I can't talk to anybody. I love to talk to everybody. Like I work with young people. Like I, Coach A: Yeah. Yeah. Dr. D: It's not about being educated or not. think the things that just really get me going, only a few people care to discuss. Coach A: That's fair. That's fair. I mean, I don't disagree. I don't disagree with you. I think I can probably agree. Dr. D: You think you could probably agree. Coach A: I think I could probably agree. like, so I'm trying to think about it like for me. Cause the things I like to talk about, like basketball or the youth ⁓ know, like, I'm honestly, I think I'm a chameleon. ⁓ think that I could walk in any room with any demographic, regardless of what the conversation is about ⁓ immerse myself in it. Like. Dr. D: Mm-hmm. You can't. you. Coach A: If somebody was having a conversation in this room about anime, I don't watch anime word for damn. It is not cause I don't like it. I just never watched it. It's unfamiliar to me. Like it is uncharted waters for Leah. That don't mean that I can't ask questions and be a part of the conversation. Dr. D: Mm. Thank See, for me, I'm not a chameleon because if I don't wanna talk about something, I'm gonna disengage real bad. And I think, I don't know if that's like my neurodivergence ⁓ but like if there's a conversation between people and like at one point, like how earlier we were talking about hair dyeing our hair and you just kind of was like, ⁓ that's how I, but you were still in the conversation, you were still engaged in conversation. Coach A: But I was locked in though. I was locked in, yeah. Dr. D: talking about something I did not care about, I would try to exit. I would just be like, I don't want to talk about this. Coach A: I think a part of that is because there's a sick part of me that loves seeing how people's brains work and how they think and how they, you know what saying? So like, I might not know exactly what you're talking about, but I want to know what made you come to that conclusion. Like, why do you want to your hair brown? Tell me, what's the, what's what's the lore with, with, with blonde hair? Why, why you want to be blonde? Dr. D: need a healthy life. And then. See, that's your Scorpioness of wanting to like get to the root of why people act the way they act. My energy's like, girl, I don't care. Like, I don't care. I don't care about like that. Like, I'm not thinking about that. And, you know, maybe I'm just jerk. Coach A: Hmm. At the end of the day, I won't say I care. Cause like I could care less if your hair was purple, blue, blonde. I don't care, but I'm curious. Dr. D: You're serious. curious. See I don't care and I'm not curious. Coach A: But I just be curious, like why you, that ensemble you got on, what? Like if I was sitting with Cam Newton, I'd be like, now this hat, I don't care about it. But like, why would they walk me through the thought process behind this design? Like, tell me. And then they'd like, oh, we'll see this feather, this stands for da da. And this bro, like, I'd be like, okay. Dr. D: Yeah. Yeah. It's feather. Okay, makes sense. Coach A: No, don't. I don't think nothing Cameron even say makes sense, but... He's an Enclector individual. Dr. D: It's hard, like I don't know, it's really hard for me and I feel like a jerk, like I feel bad for the way that sometimes I can just disengage from a conversation. Coach A: I think that's a talent. That's a talent. Dr. D: It feels rude. It feels rude. think elders would be like, you're rude. Like, that's rude. Coach A: That's like my, my mama used to do that to me. Nah, my mom would do that to me all the time. Dr. D: like check out of a conversation. Coach A: Bro, my mom would tune me out. Like, she would have the Aaliyah frequency and just... She hear everything but me. Dr. D: Well, yeah, and you know what? Not to therapize myself, but I grew up in a very yelling house and I learned to tune yelling people out, especially men. It just becomes like white noise. And so maybe that's what it is. Because it's usually things that I'm disinterested in, which is usually when men talk. Coach A: Mm-hmm. Dr. D: So it's like, I don't know if it's like a thing, like when men talk, that I just kind of like, like. Coach A: I am, I wish, sometimes I wish I was like that, but I'm too observant. Like I'm too hyper aware. I am ⁓ like, you could be having a conversation across the room and I'm a, I'm reading, I might not look at you, but I might be listening or I might be looking at your body language. I might not know what you're talking about, but I could tell it like, ⁓ she mad, she mad at him. She mad at him like. Dr. D: You're very aware. I admire that about you. I be so in my own world. Clearly, I've gotten into the wrong Ubers before, ended up at the wrong destination and don't realize it until I'm somewhere else that I didn't even know I was supposed to be. Coach A: See you by then. sound like a Lifetime movie. Dr. D: What's that? You was gonna phone me the one time we did, which that was an accident. Coach A: But you were, y'all was under the influence, which. Dr. D: Yes, that was a unique situation. it was two Ubers back to back, both the drivers looked very similar and we just got in the wrong car and we ended up somewhere we was not supposed to be. But now, you know what, we're probably the reason why you gotta have a pin code for everything nowadays. Coach A: I would have been watching your story. Y'all would have been on Nancy Grace. Dr. D: I think we're very kidnappable. But yeah, I... Coach A: Somebody's kidding at me, they gonna bring me back, you hear me? I'm like, where is the chicken tenders? Like, golly. Dr. D: I think they will bring you back because you're singing. Coach A: you think I can sing in the submission? Dr. D: not be singing. I think so. think depending on what you sing, if you sing something good then they might be like I have a request but if you sing something like that they don't want to hear like probably gospel or something they would be like get out. Coach A: you I'd like, so what made you want to kidnap me though? Like, what about me gives? Dr. D: What about me gives victim? What about me gives victim? Coach A: Like, shut up or I'll kill you. Well, I done seen everything but Christ anyway, so you know. Dr. D: No. Coach A: That's what Snoop Dogg said on Friday. I mean, not Friday, Baby Boy, I'm trippin'. Sorry. Baby Boy. Dr. D: Is it? I'm gonna say it slipped off on Friday. I to get my black card back. I'm like, huh? Coach A: baby boy please don't come for me don't come for me y'all didn't hear that that was a mistake I should cut that out no you know what I'm gonna leave that in huh Dr. D: No, no. It was an honest mistake. Strike it from the record. I said strike it from the record. Coach A: Yeah, it's Stryker from the Reggae. It's okay. Nah, I'm leave it in because I'm human. know, players mess up too. Dr. D: and do. Coach A: so I guess kind of like my last little, little question is, right? So we talk about, we talk about cutting people off. We talk about, you know, all these things, right. But I think, ⁓ is a very important element, right? well, I'll frame it this way. What does to you, to Dr. D, what does it mean for somebody to have access to you? Dr. D: you Thank me. What does it mean to have access to me? I think it means that you write me, like you communicate with me and I respond back in a timely fashion. Like I think to have me on Instagram is like one thing. And I think my Instagram is public anyway. So like that's pretty open access, but that's a very, you're not really getting that much. Like you probably get some photo dumps every once in a while. Coach A: Okay. Dr. D: So I don't know if I would consider that access, but I think to me access is, there's an open mind of communication that's pretty easy. What does it mean to have access to you? Coach A: I I'm inclined to agree. Like access, to have access to me means you have my number, you text me, answer. Dr. D: That's a big set of circumstances for you. Coach A: anybody, anybody who knows me, if you've looked at my phone before, the amount of ⁓ text messages. So like, I think that's for me, for Coach A, that is probably like the pinnacle of access. You text me, answer. I don't equate access to having me on Instagram, because like at the end of the day, you see what I want you to see. Like, and I don't even be interacting with people like that on Instagram, honestly. So, but yeah, the pinnacle was like, have my number. Dr. D: Mm-hmm. Coach A: You have ⁓ my attention. If you call me and tell me to pull up, I pull up. You know what saying? Like you have that, it's like VIP. And there's not very many people in this life that has. Dr. D: Mmm. I was gonna ask you how many people are on your VIP list right now? Coach A: Lessons in. Dr. D: I I would agree with that. Coach A: my nieces my mama, my grandmother, my sister. I would say my best friend, Garrett, you. And maybe my aunt, and that might be it. And well, no, I'm lying. Time out. I'm lying. Cause my cousins definitely have access to me. Okay. So it might be 10, but, but most of those are family close family too. Like I know I said aunt, but in my family, my aunt, she didn't need my sister. Like, Dr. D: Yeah. So outside of your family, so let's keep like your close family in. Yeah. Coach A: Outside of my family, you, Garrett. Dr. D: I would argue that you're the girls you coach have access to you. Coach A: The girls I coach do have access to me, according to what I said earlier about like you text me and I answer, because I be muting them. That group chat, muted, cause they be wilding. They be wilding. Dr. D: You would pull up to collective. But if they reached out to you one-on-one, like Coach A, can I, can you, can we, yeah. Coach A: ⁓ yeah, yeah, they got that. They got that. like, the girls I coach, the kids I coach, I often prioritize over even like my family or even like the other people who are very important to me because like, I understand the role I play in their lives. Like as a coach, as a ⁓ third space, like I understand that. so, you know, I also understand how important having those people who are not your family. Like as a person who plays sports, I've witnessed and experienced firsthand what having people like that in your life can do for you. you know what saying? So I ain't saying that I will drop everything and come running for them. But like, it's, if I'm not, if it's nothing, if I'm not in the middle of doing something too, too crazy, I will drop it and go. Dr. D: Okay. Coach A: Like if they in trouble, I'm like, all right. Now I ain't saying I'm bailing them out of jail, because it's like, no, you got to your mama. But you know, that's why I'm speaking of, again, I'm off the rails real quick, but this just reminded me, and I want to ask you this. Do you believe in get out of jail free cards for kids? Like, so let me set the boundaries, or let me explain. So if. Dr. D: Nice. Right, but... But, yeah. Mm-hmm. Coach A: Like if a kid, your kid or a kid that you're close to, Avery, if Avery is in trouble, right, like real big trouble, or maybe he just got himself mixed up into something that he needs to be rescued from. Like the example I use the most when I ask this question is like, let's say he went to a party and stuff is happening at the party and he's like, I don't think I want to, you know, it's Dr. D: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. this question. it's the Coach A: They doing drugs and they just wildin' Project X type. Or maybe they committing crimes or anything like that. And he calls you and he's like, hey, I don't wanna call my mom, but like, can you come pick me up? Would you go? And how many of those would you give him? Dr. D: Yeah. Thank you. So I think you get one, like, let me, let me choose my words carefully. I think you get one in the sense that I will come, I will come wherever you need me to be. And we will never mention it again. But you get one, oops, and it's done, it's over. I'm not mentioning it again. Like it's just, it is what it is. I think. will i continue to help you? of course especially if it's avrie like i'm gonna i'm going to help you whenever i can help you whenever you need help i'm gonna help you but i'm not going to shut up about those other times you get one where it's like all right no questions asked and i'm never going to bring it up like will i tell your mom? it depends on the severity like i'm not i'm not crazy ⁓ depending on the severity like i might be if it's just like a ⁓ i'm somewhere i don't want to be or i shouldn't be like Coach A: Yeah. No questions asked. Bye. Dr. D: Whatever. But if it's something crazy, then of course I'm going to tell your mom. But. Coach A: So if Avery was like, I'm on KNA, come pick me up. Dr. D: Please, please. If everyone K and A, I will be like, for what? Like I will, yeah, I'm coming to get you, but like, I'm not saying nothing. Cause like, that's just, what are you doing? Coach A: You gotta... Hold on real quick, because that was a very specific, you got to explain to people who ain't from Philly what KNA is. Dr. D: I prefer not to actually. K and A or Kensington and Allegheny ⁓ is a place in the city where just a lot of people have congregated who are, you know. struggle with addiction and they like whatever whatever the drugs that they take make them appear zombie-like so they're just slumped over they're just kind of like literally folded over like if you just look it up just look up kids in nalegany on youtube or tiktok and you'll see ⁓ our mayor has done a lot to disperse them so they're not all as concentrated in k and a Coach A: period. Dr. D: but it's just generally the place where it's known for them to be. So there's a lot of like illicit drug use and things. it's quite scary. Like if you're not from here or even if you are from here, just to see human people that appear to be literal zombies, hunched over, not really moving, like standing, but not moving, it's very strange. It's a very scary sight to see. So for my sweet precious baby. to be out there, it would be like, what are you doing? Like, how'd you end up here? ⁓ Nothing inherently, I mean, it is violent, you know, it is what it is. Coach A: just felt like the people needed context. I'm sure somebody listened and was like, what's KNA? Dr. D: for context, yes. or feel free to look it up. And if you ever come to Philadelphia, I highly suggest that you come check it out for yourself. Coach A: Heck yeah. Sorry about that. I didn't mean to derail us, but no, pulling it back, pulling it back a little bit. ⁓ Dr. D: Yeah. It's okay. Mm-hmm. Coach A: Access is, I guess it's something that could be different for everybody. Like the definition, I could be different for everybody, right? So when it comes to, again, our theme, everybody can't go, ⁓ the people who can't go, so to speak, the people who cannot go, what does the difference in access look like? Dr. D: different. ⁓ Mm-hmm. you Mm-hmm. I think for me, I'm not really too much of a blocker unless you like are harassing me, then okay. But I think losing access just means that we don't communicate as much or at all. Like the lines of communication is much, much less than it used to be. Coach A: Happy birthday. Dr. D: That's what I would say. Like I don't feel the need to like block people or make a big deal of us not being friends or not being in a relationship anymore. It's just a, you know, it's a respect. It's a respectful departure. Like you live your life. I wish you well. I'll live my life whether you me well or not. And then like, you know, there's some people who, who I've divested from will say that we still follow each other. Like I still see what they post, still like what they post. Like I'm still like, Coach A: Yeah. Dr. D: congratulations on this or that. Like it doesn't have to be anything malicious on my, cause I don't feel any ill will on my end. Like if they feel that, then that's on them. But I would imagine not because we're still like friends on social media. We just want to be best friends. don't have to be as close like, and that's okay. So yeah. Coach A: Yeah. And that's OK. ⁓ have been very okay with ⁓ concept as a whole. ⁓ My cutoff game is impeccable. ⁓ It ain't, it's not too many people, and this is just the truth. You can call me cold hearted, you can call me cold blooded, whatever. It's not too many people that I'm a lose sleep over. And it's not, like, I feel like a lot of people equate that to like, oh, you don't care. Oh, you, you was never a friend in first place. No, it's just that I understand. it's, when I tell you it's not, it's not too many people in this world that I will lose sleep over losing, losing like access to a losing friendship with like. It's because I understand that some things just ain't meant to last forever. Like I think it's true. It was a Madea movie or Madea play where Madea, Tyler Perry, whatever it was like, you know, it's some people in your life where it's like, it's some people who are branches, some people who are leaves. And then you got the roots. As long as I got my roots, them people at the bottom that hold it all together, hold me together, like the branches gonna fall. Dr. D: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Coach A: the leaves gonna fall, but I still, as long as my foundation is good, my base is good, like I'm Gucci. I don't, you know, and it's not that I don't care. It's not that I don't love y'all, but it's like, if I were to lose sleep over everybody that I've ever lost or everybody I ever grew apart from in life, I'd never sleep. I'd never sleep. Dr. D: Yeah, I feel that. Yeah. And you gotta sleep. Colourpair can be profound every now and again. I think that makes a lot of sense. Coach A: Every now and then. So is there... Huh? Dr. D: Are we knowing that? mean, cause... What'd say? Coach A: out you was talking and I started talking over you. Dr. D: I was saying like, do think, I think that's an interesting metaphor, because leaves do be coming and going like with the seasons. Like people, like they can come and go for a couple of weeks, couple of days, couple of months, whatever. Branches, branches are around for a while, but not always. Sometimes they can break, sometimes they can snap. Sometimes like something can fall and it falls off, but the tree itself. Coach A: Yeah. And it's not the... Dr. D: It's not easy. It's hard to uproot a tree, like a whole tree. But a branch, yeah, a branch will snap. Somebody can step on it, hang on it. Coach A: It's hard to uproot a tree. All treaty. Even when you cut a tree, the stump is usually left behind. With the roots and all that. Dr. D: It sure is. Shout out to Madia. Coach A: So that's kind of like, I'm not saying Tyler Perry taught me this at all by any means, but I'm saying like, I've been, I've understood that concept from like, since I was a kid. So as an adult, it's like, that's something that I've, that's been in practice for years at this point. And like, I understand that some people, they haven't had that context or they haven't, you know, that hasn't been in practice for them for years. There's some people learning that lesson in their thirties. Dr. D: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Coach A: And some people learn that lesson in their 20s. And then there's people like, your mom, not saying that she doesn't know this, but I'm saying there's people like your mom who has had friends, the same friends for 20, 30 years. So it's like, that might not be her reality, right? She, her sandboxes is still here. Dr. D: Mm-hmm. and why not become a family, right? Right, her sandboxes are still here. Which is crazy, like, I don't know, that's just such a high standard. Like that's just such a high bar that I didn't realize was a high bar until I realized how unrealistic that was in my life. Coach A: Yeah. As a 30-something, I'm impressed by that. I'm impressed that your mom has friends that she's been friends with since they was Niha to a grasshopper. Dr. D: Yeah. since before I was born, since high school, like years, like years and years. And I don't know if it's like, it could be because they all kind of went similarly, like they all went to college, they all kind of went through life, not exactly the same, but I think a lot of them, you know, stayed at the same, stayed at a level that made sense. Like it's not like one of them dropped out or. Coach A: as well. Yeah. Dr. D: One of them did like this thing. all kind of move forward together through life. So it could be that, but it could just be like their their sense of loyalty. It's just different. Like who's to say like some of them couldn't have fell out or would have fell out, but just didn't because of the fact that they was so locked in. It's like we're going to throw away a 15 year friendship. ⁓ I think our generation is like, I will throw away a whatever, like, you know, people will throw away whatever for whatever reason. Coach A: Yeah. Dr. D: And I think our ⁓ standards are a lot higher or our fuse is a lot shorter, one or the other, that we will cut people off for reasons that maybe other generations wouldn't have. Coach A: Yeah. I ain't gonna say my fuse is short, My scissors are just sharp. I cut it off and I got the memory of a goldfish. like. Dr. D: You do. I think, I don't know, I think the idea of friendship specifically, like I was talking to one of my colleagues about the novel Sula by Toni Morrison. I don't know if you've ever read Sula, but spoiler alert for a book that's 80 years old, not 80, a lot of years old. There's two best friends in the book and they've been friends since childhood. This takes place in the 1930s. So they've been friends since the 1910s, whatever. And when they grow up, one friend sleeps with the other friend's husband and the other friend crashes out as one would. And the friend was like, why are you tripping? Like, we share everything. Like basically, like we share everything. We share secrets. We share this. We share that. Why wouldn't we share your man? And it's like Toni Morrison is a her mind, but it's like that concept of like Coach A: Yeah. Can you imagine? Dr. D: and that wasn't... could you imagine being like, girl we share everything, like... Coach A: We share clothes, we share food, we share a room, we cohabitate. Why we can't share? Why we can't? Dr. D: Yeah! Why we can't share him? Like we share everything else. And to her, it was like the most natural thing to be like, girl, why is you even mad? And of course the other friend is like, that's my husband. Like that's my man. are you talking about? So it's like, I don't know, even things like that, where it's like the way we view friendship as generations and loyalty as a generation has shifted. Like we're just so much quicker. to be like, and not to say like if somebody speaks with your significant other, duh, like that's a reason to unfriend somebody for sure. But like, I don't know, it just makes me think like throughout time how we've chosen to cut people off. Coach A: Yeah, that word loyalty is a dangerous one. We could have a whole episode about that, I think that word loyalty is... ⁓ Yeah, that word loyalty is a tricky word, right? Because that don't even mean the same thing to everybody. Dr. D: It really? We can? Next week. I said next week's episode. Absolutely. ⁓ Coach A: So, but yeah, I mean, I think ultimately like. Dr. D: but... Coach A: To put it plainly, access to me is a privilege. Like, you can take that how you want to take it. Access to me is a privilege. Like, I value my time, I value my energy. Like, if it don't align with what I got going on, or I feel like it's going to be a waste of either one of those things, I ain't doing it. Argue with your mama. Find something safe to do. Dr. D: Anyway. Yeah. I agree. Coach A: But I mean, I have long been in this era of like, I'm protecting my peace. Like I've dealt with so much bullshit in my life and I've entertained situations that I shouldn't have longer than I should have. And it's like, nah, right. ⁓ I am choosy. I am choosy with my energy. I'm picky with my, with who I give my time, who and what I give my time to. like, know, access to me is a privilege. Dr. D: first of year. feel very privileged that you're here with me today. Coach A: Hell, yeah. And you know, I think that the people who are not ⁓ present, like when you going through stuff, like when you going through struggles and when you, you know, building something, like they not there to support you, they not there to applaud you when the crowd ain't there. those people don't deserve to go. Am I humble or payin'? Dr. D: the Mm-hmm. Coach A: Like, if you were with me shooting in gym... If you wasn't with me shooting the gym, you don't get season tickets when I make it to the league. You don't get floor seats. You don't get that. You don't get that. Dr. D: Mmm. Fuck it. Fuck it. Coach A: And, you know, when you're going through that, when you're learning that lesson, it could feel very lonely, right? Like going through that phase, going through that growth could feel lonely. Especially if you cut people off left and right, like it's probably going to be lonely. But when you get to where you need to be or where you want to be, will look back and be like, yeah, they had to go. They had to go. And then you'll meet new people. Dr. D: Yeah. Yeah. Cause some, I mean, really just be plotting. Like some people are just secretly hating and plotting and copying and like just who you need to have in your circle. Like truly. Coach A: New Gordon branches. Yeah. You gotta, you gotta learn how to. You got to learn how to read people, right? Because like some people, some people are really good at hiding their true intentions or they're really good at like sending their representative to interact with you. ⁓ And a lot of some people will ride your wave. all the way to the destination and then leeched. Dr. D: Listen, no comment, no comment. I feel like that speaks to my soul. There are so many people who have been like, you're smart, I'ma stick with you. no interest in me outside of that. Like no real interest in like who I am. But like I could follow you, I could be in a group with you, I could do this with you, I could do that with you. Until it's time, until there's tension and it's like I make the decision to not serve you in that way anymore. And then it's like, well, my God. Coach A: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And then like, you know, when you do decide to cut people off or leave people behind, you know, they might miss you. Like ⁓ some of them might miss you and some of them might be bold enough to even tell you that they miss you. I miss what we had or I miss my friend or whatever. But like sometimes the truth is that they don't really miss you. They miss what you did. Or they miss, you know, the access that they had. Like they missed that version of you. that's another point. Like you might miss me, but you miss me that I was two years ago. Like I'm not even that person no more. you, cutting people off is the first step, but maintaining the cut is, you know, following up, following through is the, you gotta wrap that up. You gotta put a bow on that. You feel me? Dr. D: Right. Yeah, that's a challenge. Coach A: But yeah, everybody can love you and not have access to you. You can love them and they don't have to have access to you. Just let them love you from a distance. them, that's the kind of stuff you bought from a distance. Dr. D: that part. A distance. From a distance? That was me and Tyler Perry's Coach A: Right. Dr. D: Yeah, my love has a limit. Coach A: My love has a limit. But yeah, I encourage ⁓ anybody out there listening, do a friend audit, Do a friend audit. Like seriously, really look, look at your friend. And I, it don't gotta be real loud ⁓ and you know, you ain't gotta make the block hot, just, you know, to yourself. You don't even gotta write it down if you don't want to. It could be a mental audit. But for real, like the people who are the closest to you, Dr. D: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Coach A: What do they bring to your life or do y'all push each other? I'm serious because like when you reach a certain point you gonna need in your life, you gonna need people like that. You gonna need people that will hold you accountable. Like if you got a friend that's, if you trying to start a business or you trying to go back to school or do whatever and they want to go out on a Saturday night and you like, nah, I to this paper. And they like, man, fuck that paper. Check audit. Dr. D: Thank They're not your people. They are not your people. They are not your people. Like there, can count on one hand, the amount of people, the amount of friends that checked on me when I was in school, like when I was really locked into school, like 2020 to 2023-ish. Even 2024 to an extent, but like that 2020 to 2023, when I was actively in classes, actively like working on my doctorate, can count on one hand how many people would like actually check that. of like, you know, how's your writing going? How's this going? Like, like, what are you even researching? Like, I don't even know how many people who like, dr. D, dr. D, my cousin's a doctor. Like, did you even know what I study? Do you even know what I study? Like, did you have you even read it? Have you came to my, did you come to my defense? Did you watch? Coach A: They don't even know that you don't have a PhD. Dr. D: And don't. And don't. And don't have a PhD. Right, so it's like, it's a lot. Like being a villager is hard. It's not easy work. Like being like, and I think you and I know this uniquely, like we're uniquely positioned to know this, that we are like in a lot of people's village. We are a part of a lot of villages, but like how many people are a part of ours? How many people are a part of our village or villages? Coach A: Yeah. Mm-hmm. It's gonna come now Dr. D: that can actually pour in to us in a way. Coach A: Yeah, I mean. If you want my honest, like, kinda answer. I think that God, for me, I think that God purposefully made my life like this so that in my next chapter, I firmly believe in my next chapter, I'm gonna have all of that. In my next chapter, I'm gonna have people in my village, for sure. For sure. It's gonna be people pointing to me and I'm gonna be overwhelmed. I'm gonna be overwhelmed. Dr. D: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah you are. and you're gonna know how to accept it. Maybe you'll be better at accepting it, Coach A: and I'm know how to accept it. Like, that's again, that's something I'm actively working on. But, but I think that a lot of times God is intentional about, removing things or making you go without things so that when you get them, you know how to steward that. Like you know how to keep it and maintain it and you know how to respond to it. So. Dr. D: Appreciate it. Yes. Absolutely. Coach A: I am in my next, my next chapter is definitely, it's probably going to be an abundance cup runneth over of support. So. Dr. D: For sure. Like I know we talked about maybe in one of our very first episodes we talked about low maintenance friends and like what that is and like I've over the past couple months however long we've been doing this podcast but like I think I had the realization a few days ago it's like I don't know if I want to be a low maintenance friend and I don't know if I want to necessarily have low maintenance friendships like I think life happens things happen like Obviously we're not going to be checking on each other all day, every day talking all day, every day. That's not realistic. But like I, the idea of having a friendship where you are very invested in what they got going on. They are very invested in what you got going on. Like even down to like, what you wearing today girl? Like what's like, what's the vibe? Like things like that I think are what make friendship worth it. Like otherwise we're just having check-ins. We're having like. Coach A: Yeah. Dr. D: Like a supervision where it's like I'm reporting out to you. Like I'm talking to my supervisor. What happened on the last? The status report. Like I don't, I don't want to do, I don't want to, I don't think I want just a status report. Coach A: Thank Status report. Dr. D: I think I want like the whole shebang. Coach A: You want daily, daily standups, daily huddles. Dr. D: want daily, I want daily, what you call it, what I say? Huddles, daily huddles. I want like, you know, what's the vibe? How are you feeling? What's going on? Like, how are you mentally, physically, emotionally? Like, what's going on? Coach A: Who I gotta fight, who we gotta pull up on. Dr. D: Yes, I want to know who do we hate? Who is the biggest op this week? Because I got some ops. And I'm sure my friends have ops too. I want to know. I want to get, I want to be better in that sense. I don't want to be low maintenance and I don't want anybody to feel like they need to be low maintenance to me. Because I'm being so selective with who's going, people that's going with me, you going for real. I wanna know, ⁓ wanna be that for you and I want you to be that for me. ⁓ really think that that's what makes friendship. I wanna gossip, I wanna ⁓ other things. Coach A: Mm-hmm. Yeah, listen. Man, when you're going through transitions, because you'll go through more than one transition in life from one place to the next. Sometimes you in a little coupe, which is you and maybe one other person. And sometimes you in the tour bus and everybody, you know what I'm saying? Or sometimes you in a little three row SUV. It's like, all right, you know. Dr. D: Yeah. Yeah. I'm very much in a Chevy Malibu. Coach A: You wanna Chevy Malibu? Dr. D: Yes. Coach A: Respectables. Good guess. Good guess. Dr. D: That's one of only cards I know. Their name. Coach A: I think right now I'm definitely probably in a, I'm in like a Nissan Sentra. I'm in like a Nissan Sentra. It's not quite an Altima. Dr. D: Mm-hmm. But it's, you know, it's got a couple of spaces. It's got some room in the trunk, I'm sure. Coach A: I was ready to somebody can get in the trunk. Dr. D: Yeah. Coach A: I can probably, you know, somebody can probably, I can tie somebody to the roof. Dr. D: Please no. No, don't tell nobody. That's not safe. Coach A: But it's tight in there. We're be packed. Dr. D: And that's okay. Like that's who's coming on this next who's coming from now to the next chapter. ⁓ Coach A: Everybody else gonna have to watch from Dr. D: wherever they're watching from. Maybe they're on Chevy Meadow Blue with somebody else. Coach A: wherever they watch them. But if this reaches anybody that I know personally, I'm very appreciative of all of my friends, of all of my family, regardless of what the relationship is, is like, or what has happened, or what hasn't happened. I'm grateful, man. I'm grateful for all my interactions. Because I can take something away from everything, even if it was a negative interaction or a positive one, I could take something away from it. So I appreciate it. And this ain't y'all invitation to start hitting me up either. I don't want no hey big head tacks bro likes. Keep that energy. Dr. D: you I mean, yeah, I think you could text. Like anybody can text you. could text me. Coach A: You could try. Dr. D: You can try. Coach A: Man, I wish I could show the camera how many unread text messages I got. That might traumatize them. Dr. D: It's so overwhelming. your phone, tragic. I would bet it's like 3000. Okay, I wasn't far off. Ridiculous. First of all, you having all those like things stress me out, like all the little numbers. I don't need to see that. I will get rid of all those. Coach A: 2,158. My phone be on DND or not DND, it be on focus. only certain people, only certain people get through, you know, the favorites get through on the focus. So I still get them all. just don't get notified that I got them. Dr. D: and you were so focused. crazy. Coach A: Anyway, and a lot of those are chats. ⁓ vast majority are group texts. ⁓ be chatting, like them kids ⁓ that's all they do. ⁓ all they do. That's all they do. Them kids be chatting to each other, to nobody. Dr. D: Our group text. ⁓ Yeah, probably. That makes sense. Just talking. Just yapping. Coach A: I'd be like, Dio, shut up. I had to tell one of my players, I think it was Monday. She was texting me at like 11. I'm like, bruh, I know you in class, yo. Pay attention. No, like, I'm like, you in school, I know you are. Like, leave me alone. Dr. D: Oh, AM? I don't know what you meant, PM? I'm like... on a Tuesday morning and you was just yapping. Yeah you would. Coach A: And because I pulled up. I pull up right to such and such middle school and sit in the back. Dr. D: in chaperone and observe for your story. Coach A: period. I pull up on all my kids. Oh, wow, I this was a great conversation. Dr. D: This was gonna be a long episode. Coach A: Riveting. Riveting, riveting, riveting. Dr. D: it is. Coach A: But yeah, man, tell us if you've had anybody in your life that you've had to cut off to level up. Sometimes you gotta subtract the ad, you feel me? You gotta subtract it to get more, right? And did you have a conversation with that person? Did you go to them and was like, hey, you're cut off. What was that like? Dr. D: And tell us what kind of vehicle. kind of vehicle are the people that's coming with you? What kind of vehicle would y'all be able to fit in? Coach A: Is it a hooptie? Dr. D: Is it a coach bus? Coach A: Is it a Sprinter? Dr. D: You know we love a Sprinter here. Coach A: level sprinter. Dr. D: It's definitely a Chevy Malibu for me. It's like me and a few good Judys. That's it. Coach A: And sometimes that's all you need. Dr. D: Doctor. Coach A: Hell yeah. But yeah, man, let us, let us know. Let us know. Please, please, please. Uh, well, first of all, before I ask her to do anything, let me say, excuse me, we appreciate the support that we've been getting. We are like three months into this thing. And just to think that this literally started as a random idea. One day we really had no plan. We have nothing. It was just an idea on like a Friday by Tuesday. We had episode out. Like we just bought the equipment. was like, let's just do it. So the support that we've been getting, we see everything. We got listeners in different countries. Like this is wild. It's wild. So from the bottom of my heart, I appreciate y'all. Hopefully we are helping people or maybe I just enjoyed the conversation. I don't know, whatever. Dr. D: I just do it. Let's just try it. Coach A: But whatever is keeping y'all here, we appreciate you. Tell a friend to tell a friend. Like, subscribe, leave a rating, do all the things. Even if you got constructive criticism, tell us, but be careful though. Dr. D: do. Be nice. Coach A: I'm just saying. Because I ain't know nothing. She might be nice, but me? Find something safe to do. Anywho. But yeah, we love y'all. We appreciate y'all. We're gonna keep going. We've been consistent. We're gonna stay that. Dr. D: We are, let us know what you want to hear next. This is a really long episode. I'm excited. It's going to be a good one. All right, friends. Thank you for listening. Coach A: Hell yeah. Thank y'all everybody. Stay prayed up, stay blessed up. We'll catch y'all on another episode. Dr. D: I have the end of the video transcript. Bye.