Paloma: Hello everybody and welcome to the In the Cortex podcast. Thanks for listening to this episode. Today, Tani and I were talking about a lot of things as we usually do. And I think a couple things that came up that were really interesting were kind of what the process looks like of actually doing the brain work and the reconnects. And I think that a lot of people are a little bit just very curious about it because... Hi and welcome to the In the Cortex Podcast. We are your hosts.

Danielle: I'm Danielle Perrecone

Paloma: And I'm Paloma Garcia and we are the founders of In the Cortex, an online community with programs that show people the tools they need to change their lives through brain reorganization. No medication, just movement.

Danielle: And when you get your brain out of survival mode and regulate your nervous system, you start to live in the fun, logical part of the brain, the cortex. Subscribe today and learn how to live your best in the cortex life. And now on to today's episode.

Paloma: ⁓ I think it's very different from a lot of other modalities that are out there. So we wanted to talk about that, especially because we've had some really great sessions lately and amazing breakthroughs from people that are really willing to go there. And for anybody who's not a member yet, the way that the program works is that the first six modules you're focusing on the brain and the nervous system. You're focusing on the exercises, on really getting that brain reorganized, getting yourself

Danielle: Yeah.

Paloma: out of survival mode, which remember we've talked about this, sometimes you're in survival mode and you do not even know it. You could be in a functional freeze, you could be in a functional fight even, like I know nobody talks about that, but I believe that that exists. I believe that are people that like they're just, MO is fight, and they kind of are able to shut it off sometimes, but they just go there all the time, and flight of course happens as well, so. Once your nervous system is more regulated, then a lot of us are ready to start looking at our subconscious, right? And start looking at those beliefs that we have that might be limiting us, that might be holding us back. ⁓ And you know, it really depends on the person. We used to be very adamant about people doing the brain work first and then doing the subconscious work. But little by little we've noticed that just like everything in this program, we have to be flexible with this part too. And so some people... really resonate with the subconscious piece first and they want to start there. Or some people, what I've had happen in a couple sessions is that they're, they're kind of, they get to a point where they're stuck in their movements and they're like, I'm not progressing with this exercise. So that's where we're like, maybe you need a little bit more of like the emotional component, the subconscious component. And that's where a lot of the ⁓ coaching comes in, right? That's where people will call us and say, hey, I want a session, let's set it up. And we help them work through this stuff and see. where the blocks are. Is it a neurological piece? Is it subconscious? Is it something else? Is it something that neither one of us have even thought of? So that's really the way that it works normally.

Danielle: Mm. Right. Yeah, and I think it's such a scale. It's such a ⁓ what's the word I'm looking for. It's a

Paloma: Spectrum.

Danielle: spectrum, thank you, of how every single person has so many pieces to put together, right? And I love that you said sometimes you don't even know you're dysregulated because you only know yourself and you only know how you operate in the world. And I think that was such like an eye-opening moment for me when I literally had no idea that I had anxiety until it was gone. because I only knew an anxious world. I only knew a fight world. I only knew a flight world. I thought that's how everyone responded. And once I did the brain work, I was like, oh, wait, I can actually sit here in this moment instead of having to cry or having to walk away or having to take something to numb it. And then I'd say in the last, really the five, last five years, really the last, like, year or two, I think we've gotten really heavy into realizing the subconscious in how much of an impact it has. So it's like, you get the regulation under your belt and you're like, okay, I now have a different baseline. But then you see yourself having these like same patterns keep coming back, same relationships, same things. And we just talked about that in the last episode of how our programs are literally everywhere. And then it's like, but what do do about it? And I think that we're in a world today where there's so many options. And I think we're in a world today where it's very heavy on I'm the expert. I'm going to help you." And then we create this world where we're always needing the expert to help us get through something. And our business model is really about you becoming your own expert, you becoming the person who can walk yourself through certain things. And it's just like anything, like you need to be girl yourself. I love that. And I think it's just like anything where like in the beginning you need someone who's confident and who's been through this and they can guide you. And once they've guided you, like our goal always

Paloma: or crawl yourself through, am I right?

Danielle: between Ploma and myself is to get you to not need us. We want you to be in that space where you can confidently be in a moment that's like, is intense. Wait, I have tools, I can get myself out of it. And we talk a lot about how I think, and this is not to say that we're better than anybody else or to say that our model is the best approach. Our model is just really practical. And it's just a very accessible way of looking at how we live in this world. And it's so accessible that I have like four-year-olds that I work with at school that can apply the tools and they remember to use them. And they're like, Ms. Danny, when I was really nervous, I did this movement. It helped me calm down. Or Ms. Danny, I did a reconnect and I said, I'm calm and I did it. And I'm like, that's a four-year-old. And so just think of how equipped they're going to be in the world. And so I think that's where we want to help you understand where you lie on that spectrum. Like Paloma said, like help you see what's neurological, what's a reconnect.

Paloma: Mm-hmm.

Danielle: And I just came out of a session today where someone was like I did a lot of the brain work But I still have this physiological response every time I drive and so I taught her about muscle checking and I was like, okay now you can use muscle checking to know what's going on with your subconscious and She was like, whoa That's crazy. And it's funny because right at module 7 is when we introduce the reconnects and We'll have people who start module 1 to 6 and they charge it they go hard. They're like I can do this I'm doing my brain work every day and then the minute we start talking about the emotional piece, some people are like, ⁓ great, I'm not ready for this. Like this is too much. And that's where we say that's okay. And that's why we switched back to our lifetime access model because we want to let you have that space and time to know when you're ready to come back, right? And so.

Paloma: Yeah, because at the end of the day, the only person that truly knows when you're ready is you, right? And so, and I think that we, because we're always wanting as a society to be better, to fix ourselves, quote unquote, we kind of push ourselves sometimes to do things that we're not fully ready for. like, I know you and I have done this before, where like, I don't know why I did that thing, or took on that project, or decided to do, you know, like, or even did that reconnect. Like, I wasn't ready for it. Of course my body didn't take it, because I just wasn't ready.

Danielle: Mm-mm.

Paloma: jumping way ahead, 25 steps ahead of where I was meant to start, right? And I love it because now a lot of people who resonate much more with the reconnects and with the emotional part, people who are used to talking about the things, looking at their subconscious beliefs, looking at the triggering pieces, et cetera, they're the ones who will start with that. And then one day, because they're like, no, I don't like creeping. No, I don't want to do it. I'm just not gonna, it's just,

Danielle: now.

Paloma: I don't have space. I don't have time. I don't have this and that and this and that. And you know, we've heard all of the reasoning behind that. to not use another word. But those were the people that one day they're like, you know what, I decided to start creeping and I feel so great now. You know, it's so cool to see like how people kind of approach it. But that's also why I think something really valuable that we have is the community in our app because anybody can just go in there and some people will just say, hey, I live here, this is my name. I'm doing this program for myself and my daughter, you know, and this is how I found in the cortex.

Danielle: What? Mmm.

Paloma: Right and some people are like guys. I really need help with this one specific thing I need to find a reconnect for this other people are like Where do I find the video for this? know like there's all these different kinds of the conversations going in there and little by little It's becoming a lot more active which I love and of course you and I are always in there like answering everything But I think that that's something that's really valuable about this specific approach because like you said While people are practicing and a lot of them will have sessions with us on the side and then still go to the community to ask things

Danielle: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Paloma: right and like I think that that's cool because they're figuring out how to figure things out right if that makes sense and yeah I think that the basically the way that the program looks is you start it you literally do what you can meaning I am Paloma I can only do this program three days a week

Danielle: Yeah. Yeah.

Paloma: I'm not into creeping. It's really, really exhausting. It makes my head hurt, which by the way is normal to everybody whose head hurts when they do the exercises. So I'm gonna just do two minutes a day for three times a week. Fantastic. Hi, I'm Dani. I am. in the moment that I need to change. I am desperate. want to do anything I need to feel better right now. I'm going to do 45 minutes a day every single day. There's no way I'm going to skip it. Great. Naturally, Dani's going to see changes a little bit faster than me, right? If that's the thing, but that's okay because her system is seeking it out. Like, I need this, right? Mine isn't. Maybe mine isn't ready for that for such a quick change. And this is something that I love that when kids do because kids are so

Danielle: Yeah. ⁓ Mm-hmm. ⁓ yes. Yes.

Paloma: good at being in tune with themselves. Like we don't give them enough credit like they really do know what's up right and like I know a lot of parents who they're like one of my kids will literally come and remind me like mom we have to do our exercises right then the other one's like yeah no I'm not into it today. So does it like you know what let them. Is it really really affecting their lives?

Danielle: Nice. ⁓ no. Yeah.

Paloma: Is it that big of a difference if one of them does it or they don't? Right? So like, and you got to get them motivated too. But if the kids are really telling you like, I am not ready to do this. Cool. Maybe they do reconnects. Maybe they do some of the other exercises. Right? Like the point is that this, the way the program looks is how you want it to look. Right? And so that's something that I think takes a little bit of a while for people to wrap their head around sometimes because we're used to being like, okay, tell me what to do. I'm going to do it. And then everything's going to be perfect. Right?

Danielle: to not do it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, exactly. Because again, we're reprogramming how we think we should be operating in the world. And it's literally going back to how we were supposed to be, right? We weren't supposed to be told every five seconds what to do. We were supposed to tune in and feel and know and be really connected to our intuition. And we're no longer. And so this is what our program's trying to like.

Paloma: and that's not the way we were.

Danielle: subconsciously, I just thought of that, our program subconsciously is shifting you back into a space of tuning into yourself. And I think, for example, ⁓ a mom, we were talking to a mom today and she was like, you know, the brain work goes really great when it's me and my two kids during the week. And then when my husband comes home or he's home on the weekends because he's home during the week too. But when he's home on the weekends, we all want to do it as a family. But then my son and him start to kind of get into it. I was like,

Paloma: Yes.

Danielle: You just do it with your husband and leave your kids out of it for the weekend." And she's like, ⁓ is that okay? We're like, yeah, of course that's okay because that's going with the flow of what your life is. So then if you and your husband, because what's happening is you and your husband have that conflict intention happening, he's trying to correct your son and you're telling him not to correct his son and it's just this triangle of like chaos happening. Let's just break that cycle. Let's just have you and your husband go be the adults here that can go use the tools. Get yourselves really regulated on the same page. And then when you're ready, your son will just join in and it's going to be an easier flow. And it is yourself. Yes, it is.

Paloma: And this is all coming down to trust, if you think about it, everything you're saying. Trusting yourself and trusting the process and trusting timing and trusting, I think we lose trust. We lose trust as a society, as we get older, we're told, we're kind of shown and taught not to trust ourselves and not to trust kind of these things that are like maybe not as visible, not as measurable, not as researchable, right? And so that's where we get separated from our intuition.

Danielle: Nice. Nyah! Yes. Yes. ⁓

Paloma: And that's, well, I just have this feeling that I should do this. No. Where's your peer-reviewed study about that? You know what I mean? Like, I just be like, show me it. Prove it. Like, how can I prove to you that this is the right decision? How could I prove to myself that this is the right thing to do? And that's completely separating ourselves from how we were designed to operate on this world. Because we weren't, again, if we were robots, cool. Do that.

Danielle: Hey, I made a sign. ⁓ my gosh, yes. No.

Paloma: We're not, but we think we are. We think that we operate in this way that is just like 100 % rational and logical and like.

Danielle: right.

Paloma: We're not acknowledging that we are animals. And I know we say this every single podcast, but I think we just need to continue to say it all the time, because I just believe this so fervently, is that we need to remember that we are animals. This is why we chose, like, this is why evolution worked the way it did, right? Like, our brains haven't changed in the past 30, 40, or 50,000 years, depending on which science you're looking at, okay?

Danielle: video type.

Paloma: Again, science, right? Like, it's so long. Can we take a second to... Like, what? It's bunkering.

Danielle: It's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. The structure hasn't changed. And think about how different our lives are. But this is where I feel like right now the theme, and this obviously is not a blanket statement for everybody. This is the theme. It's like trust. But why have we lost trust is because we've lost safety. We've had trust broken. And so we go back into this survival place. And you can look at this and literally Instagram, TikTok.

Paloma: Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Danielle: comment section of like, that's not true here. Where's the science? And it's because that's such an easy way to put up armor. It's such an easy way to hide from what's happening because I've had my trust broken before. And when you've had trust broken, we all know how long it takes to get back, right? It can take a second to break trust and it takes forever to gain it back. And I'm like, And I think I'm being like secretly fed these messages like on my TikTok and Instagram of like all these men that cheat on their girlfriends and wives. And I'm like, oh, I'll never trust a man, you know? Like it's so simple to like, know that like that trust can be broken so fast and how it feels painful. And we're totally programmed to also know that like that pain of being in a broken trust situation.

Paloma: Yeah.

Danielle: so scary to ever go feel it again that we avoid it at all cost. And so this is why I love a reconnect because it literally can go back and heal that feeling. ⁓ Right. Exactly. And that's the most important thing. So like when we're in a session with somebody, when we're taking them deeper into like, what's blocking you, what's coming up right now? And they start talking about their day and like all the things that are happening. And I'm writing down notes of like, okay, let's see if we can find a pattern here. ⁓

Paloma: without having to relive it.

Danielle: And then we finally get to one thing and we're like, ⁓ it looks like safety. It looks like you're not feeling safe. And then we muscle check, I am safe. And they'll be like, yes. I'm like, ⁓ okay, now check yourself for I feel safe. And it's like, whoa, I don't. And so then we use that as our goal. I feel safe. And we're doing a bunch of movements that are attached to that goal statement or an affirmation, if you will. And while we're doing those movements, it's literally bringing our brain back into a sink state, a theta state. So it's going into our subconscious. And then we're now like able to actually go back and heal that inner child moment of when you first felt unsafe. And like a lot of times when we're in these sessions, people really show some emotions because it's the first time they sat in that storm again. But here's where I love it is that the adult you, gets to go give the little you the thing they needed. so it's, and then I always say like that little you now can look up to the adult you and be like, look how far you've come. Look at how great you're doing with all that pain you've lived with for so long. And it's just this amazing connection. And that's what a reconnect does. It just goes back and gives the little you that voice that being seen, being heard, feeling safe. And then you walk out of it you're like, ⁓ my gosh, I feel lighter. I'm not carrying around that emotion that never got processed again. And so we just do that over with different emotions, different experiences, but we don't have to like fully relive the trauma of it. What we're doing is we're giving the healing of it. What we wish we had, what we needed in that moment. And it's more empowering that way. So instead of going to therapy and talking about all the things that happened to you and you're in the victim, now you're in the driver's seat and you're empowered to be able to work through it. And so our goal,

Paloma: Yeah.

Danielle: is we do a bunch of these sessions to walk you through, but we're really teaching you that the next time you're hit with something heavy, hey, I have like literally a set tool bank that can bring me through that feeling. now I can't even tell you how many times you and I are both just like, it's actually laughable. Like how many times we're like, I don't even know how I felt that way. Like I don't even know it's gone.

Paloma: I had a moment last week too and I was like, I don't even know what it was, but I was like, I cared about that? Whoa! I can't believe I went to the, I remember, I don't remember what it was. It was something that happened when was in Spain. I was like, I can't believe I went through all that trouble. to like not show something. Like I was like embarrassed about something, but I don't know what it was, but it made something up to like sound, you know, like I knew something, like it was cooler. I don't know, something like that. And I'm like, wow, she was, she was, I mean, yeah.

Danielle: Yeah. Yeah. Isn't it crazy? Hurting.

Paloma: She was hurting, she was my little 33 year old baby self, right? Like, I know it's not that long ago, but it feels like literally a million years ago. And I think that another like really cool piece about the Reconnect is once you see how simple it is, you start to apply it everywhere. I remember perfectly, my friend Julia, one time I was like, we were just chatting like on WhatsApp and she's like.

Danielle: It's amazing.

Paloma: I told her like this thing happened today and I just got so triggered and so I got home and I just like wrote down some stuff and I reconnected it so I'm feeling really good. She was like, whoa, you just did that? I'm like, yeah, like I just, duh. She's like, I can't believe you took charge from that. I'm like, well, that's a point. She's like, I can do that too, right? I'm like, yeah. So that's exactly it, right? And I think that something that's really cool is a lot of our members come from... ⁓

Danielle: ⁓ yeah. Yeah. Anybody?

Paloma: come from many years of therapy and they've done therapy, talked therapy for many years. And I love therapy, I think it's a wonderful tool. I don't think there's anything wrong with it and I think that especially for somebody that doesn't have like you and I have like this constant dialogue with each other, with ourselves, like I will write things down. Some people don't have that yet, right? And hopefully what we want is for everybody to get to a point where they can do it. But sometimes you do want like somebody else to like give you some perspective and really help you get there, right? Like ask you the right questions

Danielle: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Paloma: get you going there. And a lot of the people that have been in therapy for years and years and years say... I love my therapist, like this is awesome, but I never felt like I could do anything about it. Like I would uncover all of these things about my past and about my patterns and about my subconscious, but there was nothing I could do about it. And so now I have a tool that I'm using for it. And I've started to have a lot of, a couple of therapist friends that are recommending people to me, cause they're like, this person needs the regulation and they need the tool, whatever that thing is called, you know, that reconnect that you do. Can you just teach them to do that? You know?

Danielle: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Paloma: love that because that's the whole point. Like we're all here to just help each other. And I think that that's like the main thing. Like if we can all the people that are doing this work. start to work together and just like bounce people off. You know, cause sometimes in a session with me, I'll be like, you know what? I don't think I can help you with that. And I'm going to find somebody who can help you, who's a therapist who can maybe guide you in a different way. just did that recently with a client where I was like, you know what? And he's doing great now, right? And he's getting somebody who's able to really support him in the way that he needed, right? So I love the idea. And I know this is a vision that we've had for so long for in the cortex of having like a network of people

Danielle: Alright. ⁓

Paloma: all work together with each other to give others the support that they need, ultimately empowering them to be able to do it on their own. Right? And that's really what it's all about and creating these communities of people who are wanting to feel better. And yeah, so that is the way the program looks. Like honestly, long-term thinking 10 years down the line, 20 years down the line, that's what it's going to look like. It's going to be a huge community of people that are all over the world that are helping each other out and supporting each other.

Danielle: That's the key. Yeah. Yeah.

Paloma: Let's hope that this podcast is me speaking it into the universe, right? And anybody that wants to join us can reach out to us and let us know because we know that this is a revolution that's waiting to happen. People want this so badly. People are craving community. They're craving support and people who can understand them and who can help them contain themselves and contain each other and just like live life together. That's the way we were meant to live is together in groups and communities with others. Do you always have to like

Danielle: Yeah. No, I'm just... Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Paloma: Like every single person in your community? No. Do you think tribesmen, you know, that are living in a tribe right now, like everybody loves each other? No. Like that's not the way that it goes, right? It's not this like utopia where we're all friends and there's never ever a problem ever again. Because then how do you learn if there's no friction in your life, right? We need that friction. That's why we operate the way that we do. That's growth.

Danielle: Right, that's gross. It really is. I think I honestly, I keep coming back to this too, just like you keep talking about how we're all animals at the end of the day. I know more than anything, and you know this too, is that how much our consciousness is actually shifting. And I sometimes wonder like, is this just the vacuum I'm living in or, but I know there's a lot of us. I know there's a lot of us that are actually like having these conversations. And I just want to share that like, I and Paloma, both go through this. We're doing the work with you. And when I say work, we're facing those emotions that used to stop us dead in our tracks. I just had this thought when you were talking. I used to not handle driving my car in a chill way. I literally couldn't be chill. I literally was wanting to control everybody else and how terrible of a driver they were. And I'm like, I know where I got it. I know who programmed that in me. But I also now am in the space where I'm like, I can't even think of one thing that actually irritates me fully to the place where I can't move forward. Like I literally couldn't move forward. And I think that's what you're saying too when we're talking about a reconnect and tools is it literally gets you to move forward. And so many of us are just stuck in these loops. I've had back pain my whole life. Like when someone tells me that they've been living with a certain pain for so long, I want to just be like, have you ever considered like your body talking to you? Like have you considered that your body is literally like

Paloma: Yes. I know.

Danielle: trying to heal itself and you can't because that emotion never got processed through. And I just have to share this because I like to be real and open and I'm very honest about my journey that I've been on. And I was really stuck in co-dependency my whole life and I really didn't see it until one day I saw it. And I remember being with you where it really started clicking and was like, Paloma would like look at me like, how are you able to ignore

Paloma: Yeah. Exactly.

Danielle: all of those red flags. And I was like, I don't know, where are they? And I was like, because they were facing me this way. They weren't like sideways. So was easy to like look past them, right? Yeah, I couldn't see the color. I just was like, oh, there's something in the distance. I know it feels and it seems off, but I'll just keep going. And it's because I was so disconnected from my intuition for so long, because I was told my whole childhood that what I was feeling

Paloma: You Yeah, exactly. You can see the color. Yeah.

Danielle: was not actually something to feel. Like I was literally called too sensitive and I overreacted. Everyone said I overreacted to everything. And granted I did because I had a very disorganized brain, but also I am a very emotional person, not as much anymore, which is actually so crazy to me. Like I used to like emote everywhere. Like it was just constant crying about everything. Printer would break and I would just like fall to the ground and cry. Like I literally didn't know how to move forward.

Paloma: Thank you.

Danielle: And now today I'm like, wow, I was living in such a state of codependency for so long and I finally broke through it. And I was like, yeah, Plum, I'm literally thriving. I live by myself with my two kids and I have four cats. That's thriving. And I'm like, I know that sounds so weird on the outside. I just adopted them and they live in the garage. we're just laughing so hard. Because I was like, from the outside, if you put that on paper, they're like, you don't sound like you're doing that great.

Paloma: Yeah, exactly.

Danielle: Everyone is taking on four cats in one go, needs some more help. And I'm like, actually, no, like I've literally been able to like reduce the, I want to say the toxic loops and just like, I finally was like, I now have the strength and the power in me to look at a belief system and say, no, I don't want that anymore. And you've done it too. And you're like, and now I'm like, but instead of saying, I don't want that.

Paloma: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Danielle: I want this. And that's what a reconnect is. It's really important that we always make them positive and we make them something that we want to become, but we're seeing it as if we've already become it. And so some people will call that like manifestation or whatever, but it's really just getting your nervous system to line up with how you want your life to look. So if you feel unsafe, you're going to say, I feel safe.

Paloma: Exactly. I am safe. Yeah, I feel safe.

Danielle: I am safe. If you feel like you're constantly scattered and disorganized, I'm organized. I'm calm. So you're always putting into a positive and sometimes people are like, well, how do I get rid of like codependency or whatever? It's like, then you just say, release. I release certain things so they no longer stay or I'm unattached. And that's the way to get rid of that. So that way it's still in a positive framing and it's still moving you forward.

Paloma: Hmm.

Danielle: Because to release things is such a great feeling. That's when it's like you who wants to carry on all this extra weight, you know, it's like.

Paloma: best. And it's really the coolest piece again, and I know we've said this before, is that like when you do a reconnect and then it just, things shift and you're like, huh, what happened? I don't even know which reconnect it was, but I feel great. And I...

Danielle: Yeah. Right. Right.

Paloma: didn't get triggered by this and that and this and that, then normally would have made me so angry, like you said, right? And like stopped me. Cause again, it's not like you're never gonna get annoyed again. It's not like you're never gonna have a trigger again. Cause that's impossible.

Danielle: you

Paloma: but it no longer stops you completely from living your life. And it's the same for the brain work. I think something that I talk about all the time is my midbrain was very disorganized. It was very underdeveloped. So a lot of my things, know this, were tactile sensitivities, like sensory stuff. And I never even knew that I had that until I started learning about it. And I started working in schools for kids with autism. I was like...

Danielle: Yeah. Yeah. I really... Yes! Yes. ⁓ Yes!

Paloma: That's what, dude, I get it. I know why you don't like that. I don't like it either, you know? And so I would be like, yes, that feels disgusting. I don't want to touch it anymore either. Go play something else, you know? And so when I did it, I was like, ⁓ wow. Like I didn't realize how much it was holding me back. You know, like thinking about the tag in my shirt for the entire day.

Danielle: Yeah. Right? Yeah.

Paloma: and I would act like it didn't. But then I was screaming at everybody and being super mean all the time, and it's like, well, I wonder why, right? My go-to was always anger and just not being very nice and having a very short fuse, not being very patient with others. And a lot of it was coming from being completely overwhelmed. I could hear everything that was happening. If I was in a classroom, I could hear the teacher, but I could hear the person right next to me and the person was walking down the hallway and I could hear the music that was playing next door. So I think my brain was working so incredibly hard that my fuse was this big, right? Yeah, one thing is, yeah, I don't really care if I have a tag in my shirt anymore, but sometimes it'll still bug me. It doesn't ruin my day anymore, though. It doesn't even cross my mind. like, ugh, that's annoying, okay? I guess I'll just change later when I get home. Before, it was either stop everything and go change right this instant, or act like it's fine, quote unquote, and be mean and in a bad mood the entire day, right, with everybody around you. And again, that was so normal to me that I genuinely

Danielle: Right. That's the key. I don't know. Mm-hmm.

Paloma: not know that it was happening until I came back from San Diego. My friends were like, why are you so nice all of a sudden? I was like, what? Was I not nice before? But that was one of the big things that shifted for me. And so I think that that's also one of those pieces that sometimes it's really not that deep. Sometimes it's just a tag in your shirt. Then it still has this power over you that you don't even know.

Danielle: Right. Am I? Yeah. Right. Exactly. And sometimes it's really deep where you have some really massive childhood things that you haven't processed through yet and you don't realize you keep attracting the exact same relationship over and over and I'm going to fix them because then they'll give me that feeling of what I had as a kid and then you just get yourself stuck in the loop. And that was me. I was like literally attracting every codependent relationship that ever existed.

Paloma: Yep. Hahaha.

Danielle: And even you and I have like a little joke sometimes. like, I'm you a voice over now. Like it's giving codependency, but it's not, because I'm not emotionally charged by it. Just a heads up. But, you and I just think it's so like now we can laugh. I think that is like the best feeling in the world is like, and that's why I want to say like live, laugh, love all the time. Because I laugh more than I ever have in my life. And there's so much to laugh about. There's so much more fun to be had. It's completely like

Paloma: Yeah. Yes. Yes.

Danielle: a true authentic, genuine attachment to loving my life and all the messy parts of being a human and also getting to laugh my way through it and giggle about things. I think that has been my favorite brain change of my entire life is just to not get that serious and not take things personal and be able to trust that I'm being redirected versus rejected and all these things. I couldn't do that before.

Paloma: Yeah! Yeah, and like think about our coaching calls, like people, when we do like cortex chats or like group calls and people are like, ⁓ yeah, like let's, you know, we're gonna do this group coaching. And they join in, they're like, wait, this was...

Danielle: Mm-hmm. ⁓ fun.

Paloma: Like, we're just, we're taking it lightly and we're being, you know, a little bit more silly with it and just kind of going with it. And so I think, yeah, I agree. I think that's one of the biggest pieces of brain change is being able to take life more lightly because that also keeps you in your cortex. Remember, sense of humor is a cortex function. Being able to laugh at yourself, to laugh at whatever's going on and not taking it so seriously.

Danielle: Yeah. If you're laughing... Yes! my gosh, I'm all for like, let's get out. ⁓ I love this. I read this quote the other day on ⁓ my meditation teacher as well. I'm not going to get it exactly correct, but she had an awesome painting that was basically like, it is your responsibility to take life completely on serious, but it is like something like your responsibility of like being serious about the seriousness of life. Like, ⁓ like, ⁓ find it and actually drop it in the show notes because it's so good because it's like,

Paloma: Mmm. That's cute, yeah.

Danielle: That's really it. Like everything should actually be funny. Like everything actually should be fun. And like if it's not, what can we do? And I'm not saying trauma is fun or funny. I'm saying we have the power once we learn these tools to get ourselves out. and I was just even trying, was like, you know, not one of my, I don't even have like a family member right now at this current moment that like is actually like communicating with me, which I'm like, ⁓ that's interesting. But I was like, I'm not sad about it. Like I'm actually like, I'm.

Paloma: Yes. Of course not.

Danielle: I'm liberated from it. And I was telling Plum, I was like, but I have four cats. And it's like, that's funny. And I'm like, but I also know that that was my journey. And that's what I've gotten to go through. And I'm not sitting around moping and wondering, ⁓ why? I just was like, ⁓ that's weird. I just realized that no one has connected with me. And I'm like, ⁓ but I haven't connected with them. So maybe that's on me. And that's what it is. It's not that deep. We're all living our own lives. And we're all doing our own thing. putting our, we're all doing these things. And I think when one person goes through something heavy, we kind of expect everybody else to kind of cater to them and like help them through it. And they're like, how could they be living their lives right now and having fun when I'm feeling this way? And I think that's where we realize like, wait, we all have the responsibility to go take care of our stuff and not let it bleed out into the entire world. And this is an amazing process that just It's connected to a community. There's people who doing it with you. We're making it fun. We're also taking what you're feeling serious, so your feelings matter. But we're also not putting you into the victim space. We're putting you into an empowered space. So it's kind of this dance of all these things happening at once. And it's a life transformation. It really is. It's it's transformed my life, it's transformed yours, it's transforming all the hundreds of our members that are joining us. And we just want more people to understand that it doesn't have to be hard. It can be easy. It is simple. You don't have to resource out everything. You can learn how to handle yourself as we were intended to, right? With a community. it's like, just, I mean, what do have to lose, right? ⁓

Paloma: It can be so easy. Yes. Yeah, exactly, Yes, 100%.

Danielle: Let's do it. Amazing. Okay. Well, if you want to know more about our program in the cortex.com, that's where we have our access to lifetime access of the program. And that was confusing. If you have questions for us, hello to inthecortex.com, reach out to us at any time for anything. We have a free 15 minute phone call so you can connect with one of us and talk about what's going on in your life and we can help you understand is this the path? Is this the path for you? And yeah, we'll see you on the next episode. Bye!

Paloma: Thank you.