Paloma: Hi everybody, welcome to our episode of In the Cortex Podcast. Today we're gonna be talking about lots of things and Dani's actually gonna start us out with a little anecdote. So please, Danielle, take it away. Hi and welcome to the In the Cortex Podcast. We are your hosts. Danielle: I'm Danielle Perrecone Paloma: And I'm Paloma Garcia and we are the founders of In the Cortex, an online community with programs that show people the tools they need to change their lives through brain reorganization. No medication, just movement. Danielle: ⁓ I was just having this really reflective moment as I do and realizing like today my son was taking his California state test that we have to do once you hit third grade. And obviously I don't care that much about it because that's not my jam. But I still need him to do it and put effort in. And then he finished it and he had a great attitude, which I have to say the difference in this kiddo from when we started school. And when you get your brain out of survival mode and regulate your nervous system, you start to live in the fun, logical part of the brain, the cortex. Subscribe today and learn how to live your best in the cortex life. And now on to today's episode. five years ago to right now is just like, it's amazing. He used to fight and cry and just, we would both be in tears by the end of like trying to learn one simple thing. And now he's in third grade and he can sit down and he can, and I'm like, hey, did you try? And he's like, well, and we can just have like a normal conversation about like his effort level and like him able to reflect versus taking it personal and crying and so just be able to like have conversations with him is just like so, like I ⁓ just love getting to homeschool now. I used to like fear it and hate it and it was just so and now I'm like, hey. It's really not the end of the day. It's not that deep, I should say. It's really not. Anyways, then after that we went into his room and he was putting my clothes, because again, life skills is important task. All of a sudden he's like, ⁓ my back is itchy, but he tried on a pair of pants that I had bought him and he never wore, which has happened many times. I'm always like, can you stop? Paloma: Yeah. Danielle: telling me you want them and you're gonna wear them if you're actually not. And he's like, and then I go, wait, I've actually done that to my own self so many times where I buy something and I never wear it. And I was like, why am I getting, because he at first, and this was my thought too, was like, I used to get mad at him for not wearing the clothes. And then I'm like, but really it was a reflection of me not wearing the clothes I bought for myself, right? And I'm like, why did I just waste my money on that? And so we put on these pants to try them on and they were obviously too short for him. And he's like, I was like, are you gonna wear them again? He's like, Paloma: Yeah. So many. Yeah. Totally, yeah. Danielle: Well, what answer do you want to hear? And I was like, no, do you like them? Are you going to wear them? And he's like, why don't you be mad at me? And I was like, ooh, that is so real. And I'm getting to the point here of probably five minutes later, he's still wearing the pants. He walks out and he's in the room still with me. And he's like, ⁓ my gosh, my back is so itchy. It's so itchy. And I was like, let's look at it. So we take off his shirt and his whole back had like a broken out rash. Paloma: He's so smart, yeah. Oof. Danielle: And so I was like, wait, what? And then was like, cause Ziggy, earlier in the day, she's like, mom, why do you have this book all the time? And I'm like, uh, because it's literally my reference guide. And then I go, speaking of that book, let's look up Rosh. And this is crazy. I'm gonna actually read it because. Paloma: It's the best thing ever. Yeah. ⁓ I've looked it up before because I always get rushes. Danielle: Right, it's such a, it's very, very common, and it was specifically on his back too. So it says, rash on rear back, page 621. And it says, and it was really cool, because I was like, this is where it takes that moment for all of us to be able to like, let the spotlight come on us and be like, am I doing that? Is that creating the friction? Is that creating whatever? So rash on the back means you've had enough of stressful responsibilities. Paloma: Yum. Yeah. Danielle: As he's putting away clothes, okay, after he just took a test, as he's putting away clothes, we already know his human design is he's a manifesting generator, so he likes to do the things that he likes. Do you think Axel enjoys taking a test? No. Do you think he enjoys putting away clothes? No, but do we have to do it? Yes. So there's that. And he's like, and I was reading this out to him and he was just like, and then Siggy, my daughter who's almost seven, goes, it's probably me. Paloma: Yes. Danielle: It's probably me. And then it goes into, you feel very invaded by people that don't respect your boundaries. And she goes, yep, that's me. I fully don't. And he's like, yeah, she's always hitting me in the back. And then I was like, I love how you guys were able to like, on your own selves, like realize where it was. And I'm like, I think it's deeper, obviously. I think there's me in there. Paloma: down. Danielle: And it says you feel irritated by responsibilities and by people who try to make you feel guilty and ashamed of yourself. And I was like, and then he's like, yeah. And he goes, see, it's not my fault. And I was like, what? Freeze. We're not going to play the victim here. Right. This is actually a moment for you to realize that your perception of the situation is stressful. Is it actually stressful to take a test? Is it actually stressful to put away clothes? Paloma: Ugh. What? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Danielle: No, but the way you see it is stressful. So it's time to flip it and shift it So then I was like we're gonna do a reconnect I haven't thought of what it is quite yet, but it's one of those that are like kind of lingering So this is why I love these tools It was like taking parenting to a level of like how can we move through this? Have the conversation there was no crying. There's no yelling. There's no screaming It was just that and then ⁓ actually even mentioned a point cheese like I wonder if it was about me listening to you in Paloma: Good night. Thank you. Yum. Danielle: my dad having that conversation on Monday night. And because he felt a little bit stressed listening to us have a conversation because, and I think this is something I want to talk about too. I was not prepared for podcast recording, but clearly I have a lot of content in my mind. I think these are relatable stories, especially if you're co-parenting like me, where something came up and I brought it up to their dad and Paloma: interested in. I think you were, actually. Yeah. Danielle: he was not in the position to want to have the same level of a conversation as me. And so it wanted to turn into like the old story of like maybe getting a little bit heightened. And I was like, hey, I'm just asking about this. And he was like not prepared with an answer. So he kind of got a little defensive. And I think Axel felt that. defense in his tone and I was like, hey, I think like we're having a rational conversation. There wasn't any yelling like his defense was more like arms across his chest and his legs started shaking. And that's the energy shift in him. He's a very like calm person naturally. And I was like, you know, I think it's really important that kids watch their parents have conversations because conflict. I literally have so much conflict in my own personal life that I'm like, I wish I had we talked about this before. Paloma: Yeah. Danielle: to see what it looks like to have a normal, healthy conversation and to know that there's like, here's the point we're talking about and we wanna get here. How do we get here where we can all walk away still like chill and regulated? I never got to witness that in my entire life. So now I'm working on it with their dad. And I was just like, I just wanna know what your reasons are for this, this and this. And he was like, he didn't have any. And it's because I don't think he's thought through, he was still at the surface level. Paloma: Bye! Mm-hmm. Danielle: and he wasn't like thinking through to the root of like why he has that fear about this certain thing. And I tend to push and I tend to wanna know like all of it, cause I'm like, let's just get into it and let's get through it. And I know I'm realizing so much now people hate that. It's so hard. No, I know. But at the same time for me, was like, but this is something that I really wanna know about. Paloma: Yeah, but they're not asking you. They don't let me go there. Danielle: And because it involved my kids. Anywho, we were able just to stay calm and I could tell Axel was like, is that fighting? I was like, that's not fighting. That's a conversation. It just felt like fighting to you because it was two different perspectives. And we finally came to an end point with it. And Axel's like, oh, you did it. You got to the end. I was like, yeah, because I don't think Axel seen enough and Siggy hasn't seen enough of like a normal, healthy conversation because I could not Paloma: Mm-hmm. Right. Danielle: not start yelling. Like it had, I had to, I just kept, would elevate in the past. And I would just be like, and I wasn't able just to keep myself so calm and regulated. So thanks to the brain work, thanks to the reconnects, thanks to meditation, I'm just able to like be there. And I'm like, okay. And I'm like, okay, I get it. Maybe you don't want to do it yet, but I really want you to know that that thing is important to me. So when you're ready to finally see that it's important, we'll go there. Paloma: Right, Going, going, going, yeah. Well, that's one of the biggest things is setting those examples for the people that are around you as a leader, right? You're the leader of the school, you're the leader of your household. Danielle: Mmm. Paloma: you're the one that's showing them what everything is and how everything can be worked through. And it doesn't always have to be that big of a deal. And of course, in general, humans are gonna be a little bit averse to confrontation and to having a heated discussion or whatever, just because we don't like it in general. Very few people do like it, and the ones that do are super dysregulated, and they're just looking for that fight, fight, fight all the time, right? And even then, they don't like it either. Afterward, they're like, ⁓ I wish I hadn't done that. Danielle: Hmm. Thank you. Paloma: I wish I didn't scream at the person at Starbucks, know, or whatever. And so I think that that's like where they get to understand that everything's neutral. Like it's really not that big of a deal, right? It's not good or bad. It's not better than, right? And I think that I've been realizing that too in my classes with the kiddos with the forest preschool that for example today I was running, I wasn't running late. I left at the same time as I always leave, but Mexico city traffic is insane. Danielle: Yeah. Right. Mmm. Paloma: I was literally on the same street for like 30 minutes. ⁓ my gosh. And I have this big cart of things. And so I ended up texting the group saying, hey guys, the traffic's insane today. I might be a couple minutes late. Danielle: Hmm. Paloma: Before I would have been like, no, I don't wanna be unprofessional, like this is so unprofes... You know, whatever. I was like, it is what it is, and I know that they're all living... They all get that this is bonkers. I don't know what's happening on Wednesdays in this city, but something's not right. But anyways, I got off in the middle of nowhere, out of the street, this big street in Mexico, and I just went in the cart, then took my cart, and I walked there, and it was so much better, and I was like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna just do this every single day now. I'm gonna have the Uber drop me off there instead of having to wait Danielle: Mm. Yeah. Mm. Mm. Paloma: and being at the mercy of whatever the traffic is, right? But my thought process was these parents are gonna get angry, blah, blah, and then I was like, no, you're setting the tone. And so I set the tone, like, guys, totally stuck in traffic, but don't worry, Miss Jessie's there, she's gonna meet you guys, whatever. And then I got to the spot where we meet, and there were two new kids who weren't in that group, so they didn't get the message. Danielle: Mm-hmm. ⁓ Paloma: But again, I set the tone, I was like, ⁓ my gosh, so sorry, it was crazy, and they're like, ⁓ my god, yeah, I had to go this other way. Like everybody knows what it's like. I was like, that's it, I'm not making a big deal about it, right? And then one of the moms was telling me, today we decided to go play in a puddle and all the kids were just covered in mud head to toe. Danielle: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm. Paloma: Totally and they were just jumping around and screaming and having the best time and dancing in the mud and one of them looks at me and she says because she's pregnant she's gonna have a baby soon and so when she's with the baby her mom's gonna start bringing her daughter to preschool and I was like she's like please make sure Danielle: Mm-hmm. Paloma: when my mom's here to let her know that my daughter's free to do whatever. She can get dirty, she can fall, she can do it all on her own. Please, please, because I know that her mind is gonna get really stressed out in these moments where she's getting completely covered in mud and it's everywhere, on her clothes, everything, right? And was like, that's also that thing too, right? Where she's already wanting to set that for her mom. And it's so cool to see these people that like... Danielle: Mmm. Mmm. Mm-hmm. Paloma: are super open to these new things and they know that there's so many benefits coming from it, right? So maybe Axel and Ziggy aren't gonna grow up in a perfectly idyllic, happy family, whatever, which I know is something that most parents would of course want for their kids, but it doesn't work out that way always, right? And so life is what it is and you're helping them have that filter of not having to put a... positive or a negative label on everything, right? Having a discussion is totally normal, it's neutral. Falling in the mud, it's also neutral, right? And so, and we have to train ourselves, because there's some people that come to the class and they're like, oh no, no, no, wait, be careful, wait, and I'm like, Let's let him do it. See what happens when he gets up on that rock. And maybe he falls and he's fine. And then next time he's gonna be a little more careful because he's learning gravity. Obviously it's not like a super dangerous situation that we're just like letting them go, right? But it's... Danielle: Mmm. Ugh. Thank Paloma: The same thing for you and for parents in general with their kids is that you're letting them understand through the way that they're experiencing things too. So Axel was stressed about this and then you're like, well actually you perceived it in a certain way but it didn't have to be that way, right? And so you're helping him gain perspective at 10 years old. That's huge because we all have that moment of like, ⁓ I don't want to do this because I don't want this person to get mad. And that was me in the Uber, like, I don't want the parents to get mad. It's like, what are they going to get mad about? Like it's four minutes, you know? Yeah. Danielle: 100%. That was, and that actually at the end of the day, that two things, that was one of the parts of why I was feeling frustrated. was like, can you stop protecting me from how you want me to respond or protecting yourself, I should say about how you want me to respond. I get frustrated sometimes when I don't get all the information. Paloma: Mmm. Yes, sir. Danielle: someone's withholding something because they're like, ⁓ I don't know how you're going to respond. I was like, that's not your job to control how I respond to anything. That's actually not anyone's job to control how anyone responds. And again, that goes back to neutrality is like, here is the information. And I even had this moment and hit me with one of my best friends. I was like, do I tell her or do I not tell her? I was like, no, I don't get to decide if she can handle it or not. It's her information to have because it was told to me and I'm going to give it to her. Paloma: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Danielle: sense my growth, I know I've grown so because I used to like love get into the drama and then tea and now can actually like get information, sit with it. Paloma: you Danielle: sleep on it and then check, do I still have that same desire that's not fueled by emotions to go say something to somebody? And so when I'm like, yeah, and I'm like, is there an alternative motive to wanting to say this? And I'm like, yes, okay, then let me reconnect whatever that ego thing's coming up and then I'm gonna share something. So I think that's important too, is like to have that ability to self-reflect before you go do something. Paloma: This is... Mm-hmm. Danielle: And I wanna add something else too that you were talking about when you said like the happy family. think that's such like a program that we think that happy families can only be happy if there's a mom and dad that live in the house together. And it's funny because like, know, we always have like once upon a time or like an happily ever after they live together and whatever. And I tell my kids all the time that like your dad and I. Paloma: Totally. Okay. Danielle: It's so important we recognize early on that our energies were not able to maintain a neutral position for long enough to be able to keep the home in a calm, neutral space long enough. And we just weren't in alignment. Like I literally said to my kids, I was like, your dad's not wrong and I'm not wrong. We just literally don't see eye to eye. And I think there's so much of that happening in this world today, but we can't just accept that for what it is. Right. It's like, Paloma: Yeah. Right, 100%. Danielle: we have to then say, it's this or it's this. And people are like, I have to fight for my marriage. And I'm a big believer in allowing people to leave, allowing people to go their way when time has come to that. Because I do think every person comes into your life to teach us something. And if that time has come to its end, then it's like, okay, bye, thank you. Thank you for that lesson. And... Paloma: 100%. Yeah. Danielle: I think about that with Andres, that's my ex-husband. We have a really good co-parenting relationship when it's like in small bits. And I'm like, that's as much as our capacity can hold for our kids. It's like, we can't spend endless amount of time together because then our energy start to get a little charged up a little bit. And I'm like, okay, we just need to have that space. we're so, my kids don't get to witness a lot of that stuff and that conflict. So when they got to see a little taste of us talking. Paloma: Right. Danielle: They're like, is that fighting? And I was like, that's not fighting. Fighting is when someone starts yelling and screaming and saying hurtful things and then you can't come to a conclusion. That's a fight. I was like, this is a conversation. You ask a question, they respond, they say something, you respond and you go back and forth until you come to the end. You're like, okay, here's where we're at. And then you're able to like both walk away saying, okay. And we literally walked away, which we've never done ever in our 20 years of knowing each other. Okay, I'm gonna work on this. And he's like, I'm gonna work on this. Paloma: Mm-hmm. You're going to work on that. Danielle: And then we were like, okay, see you later. And then we literally just like do it. And is it perfect? No. But like we keep getting closer to like showing our kids this is how a relationship can look, right? Paloma: That's amazing. Yes, yes. And I think ⁓ all of these narratives of the happy family and all that stuff, we were talking about this on the last episode, right? It's all these ideas that we put into our mind of what we are meant to strive for. I also think, and it's normal, it's our brain trying to make sense of the world and trying to make sense of what it wants and how life is gonna look. Because things are super duper, duper, duper unpredictable. It's more and more every day in our current... Danielle: Mm-hmm. Paloma: Bunker's life of like all this stuff all this innovation all this information, right? And so that's where a lot of us tend to cling to certain things that are just not helping us, right? And I think that at the end of the day most people Hopefully will notice like ⁓ I kind of held on to that thing a little bit too long or to that belief or that habit or that person or that place that whatever right but In the moment, it truly is a survival response to to cling to things that don't make sense anymore Danielle: Mm-hmm. ring. Yeah. Paloma: Right? And so I think that that's where a lot of this work comes in of helping your nervous system Understand how to regulate automatically and understand that logical part of you that knows This is no longer for me this person this thing that I'm doing this job This house whatever it is There's always a part of you that knows right and so when you're able to actually let yourself think about it without being like Danielle: ⁓ my mama. Mm-hmm. ⁓ Paloma: world if that happens, then it's so much easier to keep going with the flow, right? Because you have to be able to be in your cortex and be open to being curious about, I'm curious what would come next, I'm curious what my life will look like after this, I'm curious if it is meant to be or not, right? And that the only way to be unattached is to be safe in your body and to be safe in your nervous system because if your nervous system is dysregulated, how are you gonna detach from things, right? Your nervous system thinks this is what I have to hold on to because every Danielle: No. Mm. Mm-mm. Paloma: else is so bonkers all over the place, right? So I want to find whatever it is, a relationship, a whatever, to hold onto, to give me the solid foundation that I think that I want, that I think that I know that I need and that I think this is what it is, but it isn't necessarily, right? And I think that that happens for kids too, like think of kids that get super attached to a parent or a teacher or a thing, they have to bring something with them all the time and so Danielle: Yeah. Paloma: We see it in kids and we're like, ⁓ that's fine, that's normal. And it is, it's totally developmentally normal for them to have something from home that they bring to school that gives them a little bit of that stability of like, ⁓ this reminds me, it smells like my mom, right? I love this, right? That's great because they're still little, they're still understanding that they're able to go somewhere and not have their parents there or they're able to go somewhere with different people and whatever it is for each kid, right? But. I do think that we don't know how much we do this as adults and a lot of and this is this I was talking about this with a friend of mine who's moving and she's like I'm now a Minimalist because the amount of stuff that I have in my house That I'm finding right now that I have to now get rid of her find a way to do something with it that I haven't even touched in the last eight years is so so so much like and that's Exactly. That is our mind and our brain trying to use some Danielle: ⁓ yes. Paloma: to grab onto something to give us that stability that we want, whether it's an ideal or a physical thing or a person. Danielle: You know, I was 100 % the kiddo that had the blankie that went everywhere and I sucked my thumb. And I realized that growing up, I just really wanted some secure attachment, right? And so when your parents are dysregulated growing up, you're never gonna know what secure attachment is because you're trying to co-regulate off of them. So if they're constantly dysregulated, you're constantly searching for anything that gives you that security, right? Paloma: Exactly. Danielle: And just like you said, that's ultimately, I feel like is that at the end of the day, while we always say that when you want to reorganize your brain or you want to help your kid, we always say, how badly do you want to help them? Because if you really wanted your child's life to change, you would be able to look in the mirror and say, starting with you, know, famous Michael Jackson line. But it's true. Like the man in the mirror. Like start with the man. I'm starting with the man in the mirror. Right. Like we love Michael. Yeah, we like we love Michael Jackson. You're like, what song is that? Paloma: Yeah. I get it, okay. It took me a little bit to get there, but I'm here with you now. Danielle: And I've always loved that song because for me it was really easy to go look in the mirror. And I know it's not easy for everyone. And there has to be a part of that in my human design that I love that part of me where I can go deep inside of me and say, ⁓ that's where this comes from. And I know that it's not the most fun experience for every parent, but I will, this is the hill I'll die on, where I will tell you, if you want to help your children, you have to start with yourself. to get that secure attachment in place because I was that kid who looked fine on the outside, but I was internally the most dysregulated person ever that was holding onto anything. And then it turned into my security water bottle for a long time. So was like, just need something in my hands that I know is mine that I can take with me. And then I was also that person moving, which is like having storage units to like hold onto these things and these things that meant things. And then once like 40 hits, Paloma: and Mm-hmm. Danielle: and I lost some things that were like what I thought were everything to me, it was like, ⁓ that wasn't so bad. That actually wasn't. It was hard. I cried. I grieved. But I'm still alive. I'm still breathing. I'm still able to take another step forward. So once I had that like, ⁓ this whole thing I've constructed in my mind isn't even real. And so then you start to really peel back all the layers of society. And you're like, why are we living this way? Why are we thinking? Paloma: It's not that big of a deal. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Danielle: Kids must be forced into their rooms at night when they're terrified they just wanna be next to you. Why are we making it such a big deal? Why can they not just sleep in your bed? Who cares? Who cares? Who cares? They at one point are gonna turn into a teenager and go, or hopefully sooner, they're gonna be like, I don't wanna sleep with you anymore. I want out of your bed. And at that point it's then their choice and then they feel securely attached. And that's what Gordon Neufeld. Paloma: Yeah. Word. Yeah. Danielle: and Gabor Matei always talk about is that that attachment to your parents is so key, but it has to be a healthy one. It has to be a regulated one, because otherwise it turns into that toxic thing and then you go out in your entire adult life searching for it. Paloma: You Exactly, and that's what most adults out there right now are doing with alcohol, with drugs, with working out, with buying things, like the amount of consumerism, consumerism, consumerism, consumerism. Danielle: Mm-hmm. Eating, like we were talking about last episode. It's all that. Paloma: Yeah, it's just like that need, ⁓ I need this thing. And then you get it you're like, ⁓ next, right? And that's where we are because we don't understand what it's like to just be, art be, with our things, with our non-things, with the people who are here, with the people who aren't there, just being and just existing in ourselves. And there's something really cool that we were talking about yesterday in the Forest Preschool with all these people that are doing the group with me. It's called the, ⁓ Danielle: Mm. Paloma: my sit space. And I'm sure you've heard of this. a very common concept in forest schools, which as our listeners know, we've been learning more about these different modalities. We're looking to start some new projects here in Mexico. But it's really cool. It's a space that you find in the forest, in your school. Danielle: Mmm, no. Mmm. Paloma: and it's your own little space and it can be next to a tree, it can be on a rock, can be whatever feels good to you. And you go and sit there every day for five minutes, depending on the age, obviously. For my kids, would be maybe like 10 seconds, because they're tiny little babies, But for the older kids, as they get older, you sit there for maybe three minutes and then five minutes and then seven minutes. And you don't have an activity, you just sit there. Danielle: you Mm-hmm. Yes, yes. Paloma: and you contemplate and you exist and maybe you tune into the cool bugs that are over there. Maybe you listen to a new sound and a new bird that you hadn't heard before. But it's really understanding that it's okay to also do that because even as kids... Danielle: Mmmmm Mm. Paloma: they're constantly being stimulated by something, right? And we've gone away from the way that, again, our brain is not designed for this much stimulation. And stimulation is what's overrunning our systems, and that's why we're all in this adrenal fatigue of like, ugh, it's just too much going on. And then we don't know how to get out of it, and that's where things like meditation can be not only scary, but totally daunting. It's like, I, what? And so if we start with kids being like, just go sit, okay guys, it's time for our sit space, and everybody goes to, Danielle: No. Paloma: their own place. How cute is that? And then little by end at first you can also start out with them having a little piece of paper and drawing something right if it feels like too much to go from zero to a hundred just sitting there but you're cultivating this practice in these kids of I'm actually totally fine not doing anything. I'm cool waiting at the doctor's office without having to look at my phone. I'm cool waiting in line for something. I'm cool just sitting there sometimes literally not being ⁓ what's next ⁓ I gotta go to my ⁓ I got Danielle: I love that. I love that. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I know. Yes. Paloma: Just sit, just go outside and sit for a little bit in your life, in general. think not just the four school kids, but all of us should just do this, regardless of meditation or not, just sit. And I think this is something that, I notice this also, we're going everywhere today, but it's okay. I notice this a lot with my... Danielle: Yes. I know, I was thinking that, but it all connects. Paloma: I know, I hope it all connects. But anyway, I was thinking of this because I went to San Diego with my grandpa, who's 93 years old. And we were in the lounge and I was sending out some, I was finishing some social media stuff for In the Cortex and I was on the computer. I was like, thought that, you bring like a book or something? He's like, no. I was like, oh, didn't bring anything for the flight or anything? He's like, oh no, I'm okay. I was like, okay. And he wasn't looking at his phone. He just sat there. And he was just, and then he would ask me a question or say something. And I was like, I love this and the whole flight. Danielle: Hmm. Paloma: He literally just sat there the whole flight, you know? And that's like something that people are now challenging themselves to do. Yeah, they like, dog the flight, blah, blah, which is like, it's just sitting there. It's not that deep. Like, why do we have to put a name on that? He literally raw dog the whole fight. He sat there and he would fall asleep a little bit. And then I would just look at him and he was just gonna be looking around. And I was like, that's so cool. Cause he grew up in a completely different world. He grew up on a farm. He grew up in a way that like, Danielle: Raw dogging. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mmm. Mmm. Paloma: contemplation was a part of his life. When you're waiting for the animals to do what they got to do and like just watching them sometimes when you're little kid, you're just sitting there literally with a straw in your mouth and looking at animals, right? Like there's just so much more and there's so much value in that because that's where you get moments of crazy inspiration or you get some great ideas or you get some... Danielle: Mmm. Paloma: cool insights about yourself or about the way that the world works or even about the animals in the forest and all the things, right? And because you're giving your brain and your mind and your body that moment to just be without having an agenda, right? Danielle: Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think and this all does connect because it comes back to how we were all raised, right, and how we were programmed growing up. And I grew up with two parents, which you did as well, that were go, go, go, go getters. And I remember if you were sitting down doing anything, just chilling, it was seen as being lazy or unproductive. Right. And so rest had such a negative spin to it. It didn't have anything neutral about it. And it wasn't seen as, you know, restorative. It wasn't seen as a part of life. And so we got ourselves so disconnected from what our natural rhythm needed to be. And especially me growing up as a projector that actually needs rest. I never knew what that was. And I've been fighting my design my whole life, realizing that like, I'm just go, go, go till I burn out. And so when it comes back to like Paloma: Yeah. Yeah. Danielle: Again, the parents having to understand the regulation piece. I see it as this is like energetically, we're in a time where we're all like humanities waking up and we're starting to have these conversations. But then we have to go back now one more step. like my generation of parents are working on their stuff while we're raising kids. Not everybody, but I think the people who are really wanting to elevate and push those limits to get to the next level or whatever we're reaching for. And and so we're Paloma: you Yeah. Okay. Danielle: And I do this with my kids as my kids bring something up and then I'm like, ooh, that's something for me to go look at and work on. And this is why I say over and over the hill I'll die on is like, if you can do that dance with your kids, if your kids can come to you with something and you don't get triggered, you don't spiral and you just see it for what it is and then help them unpack it, help them reprogram it into a healthy place. Paloma: You Danielle: Then we're just moving forward in life. We're just like, have ease. Then we can rest. Then we can enjoy the slow moments. Then we can step into an emotion when it's something, right? Like it's so cool. Cause right now my seven year old daughter, she needs a lot of just hugs and melts. And that's what we call them. When she just like comes to me and I just hold her and I just give her a big bear hug. So it's like giving that proper reception for her whole body just to go, okay, I'm safe. But then it's also me giving her my undivided attention. And I could not do that when I was dysregulated. I was like, can't stop, must keep going, laundry's falling, gotta cook lunch, gotta do, gotta do. And I mean, like three weeks ago, we were doing a podcast or we were meeting and like my daughter needed me and I was like, girl, I can't do this today, I gotta stop it. And I did. I would have yelled at her in the past and like, you need to stop it right now, because I'm in the middle of a meeting and this is my time and blah, blah. And in fact, I was like, no, I gotta tell home I can't do it today. Paloma: Right. Yeah. Danielle: and I'm also maxed out and I'm not gonna keep pushing against this energy because it's not working. But I could not do that when I was dysregulated. I could not do that when I had programs running in me that said, you must not rest, you must push through. And so that's what I am. Paloma: not going to help them. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. And that's where the people that are more regulated are then able to do the things that are a little bit maybe different, right? And so that's where it's a little bit of a catch-22 because sometimes you have to be a little bit more regulated to remove those programs of like, it has to be like this and I have to do this and my life has to look like this. And then look at something like brain reorganization and be like, ⁓ maybe that'll help me, right? Because some people are just too in that programming. even see how that could ever help them, right? And that's where I think it really is, like you said, it's something that's happening, I think, in this generation of parents for sure. I mean, there's just such, there's no doubt about it, right? And I think that's where, that's, again, I know that that's where we come in, ⁓ but I think... Danielle: Exactly. Mm-hmm. Paloma: I think parents today are getting to a point where they're not really scared of that responsibility. Where I think a lot of parents maybe of our parents generation were scared of that. wait, me? I have to go to therapy or I have to do something? What? No. Go fix my kid. I gotta go work. Right? And so it was just totally dismissed. This kind of stuff was totally dismissed. And now parents are like, I think there's something else there. Right? And they're not as quite, you know, people nowadays are Danielle: Mmm. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Paloma: are looking for all these ways to, you know, all these diagnoses and all these things are coming up and... I do see a small group of people who are like, I don't resonate with that. I don't know why I would have to put a label on my kid at such a young age or on myself at age whatever, right? Like why do I have to have a label? I don't understand. Like yes, some stuff is maybe more challenging for me than others, but isn't that life, right? And I think that's really the way that we come from. I mean, the place that we're coming from. like, of course we have, everybody has their own challenges. And... Danielle: Right. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Paloma: We want to move away from thinking that those challenges can stop us from doing anything because if there's anything in this world, there are stories of people who had crazy limitations and have gotten through them and gotten way past anything anybody could have ever thought. And what they did was remove those mental barriers. There's millions of stories like this, right? And yet, when we have a tiny little thing as a society, it's like, ⁓ well. Danielle: Yeah. Paloma: things are gonna be tough for you. It just makes no sense, right? Because it doesn't, it's only coming from that fear instead of coming from an empowered space, right? Danielle: That's it, that's it. And I think that's our vision for In the Cortex is we want people to feel like they can tune into themselves and know how to help themselves through something without having to resource it out. And I think that has been like my greatest adventure over the last, you know, I'd say like four years that I've really started to go deeper into this space of like, let me go look at me. And I know it's getting. Paloma: Yeah. Danielle: Like you said, there's a small group of people who are like, okay, I'm willing to admit that it's not a diagnosis I need. It's not medication. I understand my child has this going on. Oh, and now we're getting, think we're at the level where like parents are admitting that they know they have anxiety. They know they are fully fueling something. And they're just so close to making that leap into like, now I'm ready to go look at me. So. Paloma: Yeah Yes. Danielle: I'm gonna I'm gonna keep saying like we're here for you when you're ready to like do that jump into I'm ready to look in the mirror. It's gonna feel uncomfortable. And even my friend the other day said on the phone, she's like, I'd much rather have physical pain than emotional pain. I was like, why? And I was like, you realize that you've created all of that in your head. So it's not even real. It's not real. You're not. And that's where I think that's the piece that I think is the next step, because it's not real. Paloma: Interesting. Yes. Danielle: So it's not a tangible thing that they can actually say, ⁓ and make it make sense. So they're like, ⁓ it's scary. It's this really unfamiliar place. And I think that's what really is the part that's stopping people. like, it is so unfamiliar to know what peace feels like when your whole life has been chaos. It's so unfamiliar. Yeah. I know for me, when people, especially like Paloma, she's like, Dani, meditate. And I was like, Paloma: Hmm. And you think you have to cling onto the chaos. That's what it is. Danielle: I am not ready because I had a program in me that thought I can't have any thoughts. I have to sit there and literally like be like, you know, this monk on a mountain that just like had nothing running through my head. And then I've tried so many meditations that I know I've said this before on the podcast, but it still blows my mind. I've tried, you know, the Dr. Joe dispensary meditation. I did the TBM ones. did all these ones that were like, though, even ⁓ David Giams, like. Paloma: Right. Yeah. Yeah. Mmm. Danielle: He's talking to you and telling you what to think and feel. And I was like, there's something, I was like, I don't like it. Like I don't want someone to tell me how to feel and be, right? And so once I started doing the Vedic meditations where my teacher were just like, a thought came up, great. You were distracted, amazing. There was noises in the background, that's great. You forgot you were meditating and you started having thoughts, perfect. I just was like, ⁓ my gosh, this makes so much sense to my system. Paloma: Yeah. That's it. That's it. Danielle: And literally yesterday, or actually I woke up this morning and I was like, I'm still kind of feeling uneasy about some of these unfamiliar things I'm starting to step into. I was like, oh, I'll meditate. And like the minute I meditated, it was like you could just feel your mind disconnect from the reality and go, oh, these are all just things that are floating around in the ethers that aren't even real. that's why I'm like, oh, I love meditation now because it's not like this practice that I have to white-knuckle and force myself through. Paloma: Hmm. Hmm. Yes. It feels amazing. Danielle: It's like brain work where I can just get on the floor and do whatever expression of a movement and that movement and the way I move tells me like where I'm at. And then. Paloma: Exactly. Well, it's ultimately going back to trusting our bodies. That's what you're doing with the meditation. You're letting your brain and your system do whatever it needs to do, release what it needs to release, give you the insight they need to give, give you the rest. Sometimes I get moment in meditations where I feel like I took a nap. And my aura ring will tell me, did you just take a nap? And I'm like, no, I was meditating, right? It's so funny. And that's exactly the same thing with the brain work, is going back to trusting your body. And yes, we have it set up in a plan. Danielle: And that's what I'm saying. Yes. I wish. Paloma: where you start with this one and then you go little by little and you add these movements. But the idea, and most of our veterans will tell you, the idea is to get to the point where you don't even need to open the program. You're like, I'm feeling this way, I'm gonna do this exercise. I'm feeling this thing come up, I'm gonna do a reconnect. And you just trust your system implicitly. What we're doing is just reminding you what the tools are. Because the last time you used them was usually when you were a tiny baby. Danielle: Yes. Mm-hmm. Paloma: That's all. That's literally all we're doing is reminding your cortex that they exist and when to use them, right? You're doing the rest. You're feeling it out. You're doing it on your own rhythm, at your own time, with your family, without your family, whatever it is. And then, like Danny said, we're here. When you have questions, you send us a message. You set up a session. You go into the community. You come to our live brain work calls. You sign up for one of our new challenges that we're starting or we're starting a new starter. I mean, we have Danielle: Yes! That's crazy. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Paloma: so many different things right here to hold you and then go and let you fly off little birdie on your own. Danielle: Yeah. Hmm. Hmm. That's so real. ⁓ my gosh. You just said hold. And that made me think about all these reconnects I've done lately where I'm like realizing I've been holding the weight of the world on my shoulders because we talked about holding space so much. And I just said I wanted to just follow up from the last podcast. I did do all those reconnects about releasing the weight of the world and releasing my grip on life and just being able to step into that space that Palma just talked about. Paloma: you ⁓ you said that, yeah, which is so you. Yeah. Yeah. Danielle: So this is our vision and our goal for everybody to just trust themselves and know that you have absolutely everything within you that you need. Because think about how crazy this world has gotten where you think you need an expert on everything. It's helpful to know you have a place you can turn to to answer your questions. Like when I'm doing a meditation and I like have an experience, I'm like, let me ask her what this means and then go, oh, wow, that was crazy. And then go, oh, I love that there's a person who's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're on track. Paloma: course. Danielle: Yeah, that's exactly what's supposed to happen. Yep, you're right where you're supposed to be. And then maybe, hey, try it like this. And then that's all you need is just that little tweak. And then you're like, oh, so that's all this is in life. It's just making a bunch of little tweaks all day long. And then you find that rhythm and flow. And then you're like, oh, I'm actually living life how I want to. I think our world in the capitalistic sense is set up to be consumers, right? Whether it be coming from these wounds we're all carrying around to just like, Paloma: Mm-hmm. Yes. Mm-hmm. Danielle: fill ourselves up with space and weight. And we're like, what if you could walk around weightless? What if you could walk around with more ease and joy and just like could go, you know, go on a flight without a phone in your face. Like just think about a world where we could actually look at each other and have conversations. The amount of adults that I can't even have a conversation with because they're scared to have it is kind of making me nervous about humanity. But I'm also not going to go there. ⁓ I just know that we're going to start. Paloma: Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. times. Danielle: We're just gonna keep doing what we know how to do. And Paloma mentioned we have a new 28 day starter experience happening on April 6th. We're starting at 3 p.m. PST. So when you sign up for our program, that first month that you pay for, you're not just getting dumped into our program like most people have been doing. You're going to actually have four live calls every Monday at 3 p.m. PST with us most of the time. Paloma: Yes! Danielle: there's one of us at least, and we're going to walk you through the beginning part of the program. And it's a chance for you to get a great jumpstart with journaling prompts and guidance and having that feeling that someone's there, kind of like Pullma said, like carrying you and then going, okay, now you got this. But then, and you don't have to fully fly on your own yet because after that month, you can decide if you want to keep going with it. And then you've got the community to support you. Paloma: you Exactly. Danielle: And you have us always, like we answer every single one of these emails that come out to us. And we are here just to be here with you. So it's amazing that if you do sign up for that 28 day starter course, we do have an awesome little, you know, little dingly carrot to keep you going. A little promo code, if you will. So we'd love for you to join us. It's going to be so fun. And I really think Paloma: You do. Danielle: this is the beginning of the movement. of empowerment and really starting to know that you can take care of yourself. You can take care of your kids. You can take care of all these things and you don't have to go into that panic to like, ⁓ my gosh, what am I going to do? My life is barely on hold. Pause. Go use this simple little thing that's going to help you reset. So let us know if you've got questions about any of that. We're so excited to get you started. Paloma: Yes. Yes. Danielle: and tell all your friends, have a friend join you with it so that way you guys can have a little brain work buddy. And we're excited, so we'll see you there. Bye. Paloma: Yeah. Bye.