speaker-0: ⁓

speaker-1: Hi there, I'm Pastor Twitley and this is Conversion Therapy, a podcast where I help lost lambs back to the heterosexual pasture. As you may know, I myself am in fact a reformed homosexual. In fact, I was once on a camping trip with loads for lads when an otter named Spit accidentally ignited his penis on a bonfire, leading to a brigade of beefy boys tamping it out with their hung sacks. Now the only burning bush I'm concerned with is the one that appeared to Moses. So if I can get straight, so can you. And so can our guest. Please open your hearts to bisexual Andre Sperada. Andres is so nice to have you here today. Thank you for having me. It's really a thrill. You know, I know you've been wanting to do this for a while, and I feel very, very, you know, sort of blessed and honored that you do it with us. Well, I feel blessed and honored that, you know, you're willing to do this to me. Mm-hmm. I know that this has p perhaps been a long journey for you to get here, but the the Lord is open for you to repent and to ⁓ enter the kingdom of heaven at the end of all this. Okay. I don't have to repent till the end though. ⁓ meaning at the end of this this session, yes, you will have hopefully, you know, leavened yourself of all your sins and will be able to enter the kingdom of heaven. Okay, wonderful. I'm ready to shed them all off. Okay, great. I'm gonna get a handle a little bit on on how far gone you are into this ⁓ homosexual experience in order to know how far I gotta pull you back. Okay? Yeah. So How gay would you say you are on a scale of acoustic guitar to banjo? I will say this. I'm a nineteen ⁓ one SS Stewart banjo made for the Acme catalogs. Once SS Stewart sold ownership ⁓ over to Acme. And the banjo started to become a little bit cheaper and less of a household product and more of a gimmick. That d that's squarely bisexual. That's squarely bisexual. I know, that's why I'm here. Okay. Well, that's all right. That's good that you know. The first step to change is noticing what needs to be changed. That's how I feel. Okay, and I was actually curious, it says here You do a lot of celebrity impressions, you do sort of a Jason Statham, a Werner Hertzog, maybe even a Simon Cowell. Do you think allowing another man to be in control of your body has contributed to your bisexuality? Y you know, 'cause it's curious the way art kind of affects the mind and you're you're essentially being ⁓ cranially penetrated by these men. A hundred percent. And it always I n always wondered, you know, 'cause I've been doing Jason Statham since I was a little boy. And I always wondered when I would be, you know, seven years old, and at the time he wasn't even famous. He was I think just a guy. A guy. Mm-hmm. But I knew of him. I whenever I would pretend to be him, I would be like, Well, there's something about that and then I would go, I got one last job for ya and you know what it is. And then I would say, I think there's something here. Totally. That job sounds like could have been a hand job, blow job. Rim. Rim. Hand blow rim. Foot. Foot. Ear. Elect knee ditch. Knee ditch. Arm ditch. Arm pit. Knee pit. Knee pit cleavage if you're pushing your man meat together. Uhhuh. Mm-hmm. Stomach roll. If you stomach roll creating a roll. Mm-hmm. If you're creating a roll, sort of that space between the dick and the balls. Uhhuh. The the gutter, if you will. Yes. ⁓ hair bird nest. Yeah, you pull your hairs up. You get it really wet. And then you go I prefer dry, but dry hair bird. Dry bird nest, yeah. That's pretty beautiful. Thank you. But of course, very sinful in the eyes of the Lord. And for that reason, I'm glad that we were able to sort of list all the things you will no longer be allowed to do or will be ⁓ encouraged to do. So I'm happy to hear that we're we're we're starting our journey. It sounds like you need it. What do you think you're most looking forward to about being straight? Is there something that, you know, is like the the light at the end of the tunnel for you? Yes. I really Really, really want to like Kill Tony because most people who I really respect do really love it. And there's just enough times in it where I say this isn't for me. But I want to be able to connect with more people. Absolutely. You want to be a man of the people. Yes. And to do that, you have to be a hard and fast follower of Kill Tony. Yes. What are some sort of jokes from Kill Tony or some sort of Conversations from Kill Tony that you that you're hoping to be on the inside of after this. Well, like let's say that a guy goes up there and ⁓ he jokingly says, I'm gay, and then everybody laughs. Yeah, and everybody thinks that's real funny, that's hilarious to me. Yes, and then what it becomes is now they're actually gonna say he really is gay because he joked about it. Now he actually is gay. He's a real gay guy now. What I want to happen is that I want to be able to laugh at the first part and then when they turn me into really gay, I'm not gay no more. Yeah. That's good. Sort of a reverse f flipped around version. Like ⁓ Benjamin Button gayness. Yeah, Benjamin Button gayness. You're starting gay and you're slowly getting more straight over time. Yes. I think that that's a beautiful way to think of it. And listen, it's not about the speed of the journey, you know. Lord hopes that. While you're on your conversion therapy journey, you get far enough along before let's say an accident happens and you might have to go to the pearly gates and discuss whether or not you deserve to be let in. But I'm of the mind that as long as you're living a pretty tame lifestyle, you can take as long as you want. And so I think we'll get you there. I just think it's important, you know, that you know that this journey it's individual. It's individual. But ultimately There is one higher power believing that some of this is right, most of this is wrong, and if you don't follow that higher power, you're evil and bad and you should be tortured eternally in hell. Amen. Amen. What do you think will be the hardest, toughest obstacle for you on your journey to straightness? You know, things about bisexuality that might be difficult to let go of and leave behind. Things that would be difficult to let go of. being acknowledged or people believing that ⁓ like people believing that when I say what my sexuality is, they believe it's true. That might be unusual for me. ⁓ you mean like Like if you say you're bisexual and people are like, ⁓ not you're not really it would be really weird for me to say I'm straight and people to go, ⁓ I don't know what that was. So that is kind of like a sh Scare for me. It's gonna be tough for the people in your community to accept you. Yes. It's gonna be sort of scary to experience that for the first time. Yeah, well, you know, just so you know, here at ⁓ St. Paul's ⁓ church basement where we are, of course, recording from, in the Church of the Lord, all sexualities that aren't heterosexual are equally evil and going to hell. So bisexuality, homosexuality, lesbianism. Any of those things equally bad. So now right here in the eyes of the Lord, you're just as sinful as everybody else. Is poly sex what's that called? Polysexual? No well you know those Mormon guys who have like ten wives? Is that good? Yeah, that's allowed. Okay, good. If he had ten husbands, straight to hell. Okay. And what about if w one woman ten husbands? Strike to hell. Okay, so the only way that the math works is if it's one man. with a lot of ladies. Absolutely. As many as he'd like, honestly. I mean this is a Catholic church. I don't necessarily ⁓ prescribe to Mormonism myself, but in the eyes of the Lord under that denomination, absolutely that's fine. That's not even considered polyamory. That's just considered normal. That's just considered having a enough people on your on your on your team for the church ⁓ kickball tournament. You just got you and your wives. Yes. But if you had a kickball team of all men Now that's gayer than than anything I've ever heard. All male kickball team. Kickball. Sounds pretty gay to me. That's true. There is I mean that's another thing that I'm looking to not want anymore is being kicked in my testicles by other people. Yeah, this is I hear a notorious side effect of being bisexual, that you are constantly craving somebody just giving you a swift kick right in the nutsack. Yes, like outdoors during a competitive sport too. Not like in the privacy of a bedroom. No, no, it's it's not related to kink at all. I want to be surprised by it during sports. Mm-hmm. Any sport really. You don't even have to be it could be baseball. Somebody just gas pedal your nuts and have mace. Okay, well we'll we'll work on that. We can work on that. Thank you. To get an idea of how far you strayed from God's light, we're gonna do a couple of exercises. So This first exercise is called name that word or phrase. So I'm gonna say the first letter and the last letter of a word or phrase, and you're gonna tell me the first word or phrase that comes to mind that begins with that letter and ends with that letter. So for example, yeah, it's confusing. Okay. This is a new one. Yes. It's confusing. For example, if I say name a word or phrase that starts with G and ends with D, you might say God. 'Cause that's a word that starts with G and ends in D. Okay. Or you might say go with God, because that's a phrase that starts with G. God ends with D. Okay. Does that make more sense? And again, this is just to see how far into your bisexuality you are. Okay. So there's no wrong answers. All right? Okay. So always This is a different system than banjo too. Because theoretically we know that I'm already ⁓ antique banjo. This is a different metric. Exactly. So now that we understand that our diving board is antique banjo, we're sort of understanding how many next steps we need to take to get you back to straight. Okay. You know what I mean? So how many steps is it to get off of the diving board? Mm hmm. Could be could be four. Could be three hundred. We won't know until we do the extra. And and Lord's ⁓ a buoy. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Which Not gay. Okay. Or a lifeguard. That would be is a woman. not gay. And I pretend that I'm drowning. And when she comes to kiss me, I reveal that I was. Very straight. Very straight. And hopefully that's where you're at in your journey on the diving board. But we can't now tell this exercise, okay? You're gonna say a word or phrase that starts with P and ends with S. Word or phrase that starts with P. It ends with S. Okay. Pussy makes me go yikes sometimes. Jump. Okay. I mean the addition of sometimes I guess knocks us into a category that doesn't isn't really what I'm looking for. Okay. You started off okay. I was going for prayers. I was thinking prayers. See, I could have sworn that you were trying to catfish me and or hook me into saying penis. I would never do that. So I that's so that's why I was scared. I was like, I can't say that because I know that it's a trick. Mm-hmm.

speaker-0: Maybe.

speaker-1: So I thought of the second thing that came into my mind. For now on, should I just go immediately the first thing that comes to my mind? I mean, I think you should do whatever's best because that answer that I mean, that answer that you gave, pussy makes me go yikes sometimes. Is ⁓ closer than penis to what I'm looking for, you know? Okay. So I I I think go with your heart. Again, we're just gauging where you're at right now. Okay, yes, yes, yes. Okay, so next, next ⁓ word or phrase. So it's a word or phrase that starts with C and ends with ⁓ So word or phrase starts with C and ends an ⁓ Okay. Creamy vagina makes me go, ⁓ brother. Sometimes, man So So the it w the the phrase was supposed to end with ⁓ not But I mean we're I guess still on the right track because we're starting in a place that does sound very straight. But as you sort of let the words fall out of your mouth, we are getting closer and closer to something that we're not looking for. So okay, that's fine. We'll get him on the next one. Okay. I'll pay attention to the letters more. And that's great. I the phrase I was looking for was come let us adore him. So you said come in there You said cum after creamy though. Creamy was the first C. C I think it was creamy pussy, makes me go, ⁓ no, sometimes, man. You think it was and then perfectly resided. That's good. Okay, so cum wasn't in there. Okay. So this this next word or phrase starts with a B and ends with T. Okay. Mm-hmm. Brother, I just can't stop thinking about tit. That was really good. Sometimes and other times I don't. Dang it! ⁓ That was really close. And it almost felt like you stopped. But then you kept going. Yeah. That's okay. ⁓ this is very I might I say bisexual answers of you, you know? Yeah. So that's okay. All right. And we we do we have we have ⁓ we have a couple more. We have a couple more. There's still time to turn it around. And I believe in you. I was looking for body of Christ. ⁓ okay. Body of Christ. I thought you looking for butt for sure. No, definitely not looking for butt. But's sort of neutral. Yeah. But that's not what I was looking for. Honestly, boobs are also neutral, I think. Maybe not, but I'm Boob boobs are more positive, I'd say. So we're trying to get you straight. Okay, but I'm saying for anybody. I think that butt and boobs are neutral. Like are you an ass man or a tip man sort of situation? Yes, but I think that everybody can appreciate butt or boob. What I'm saying is is if you are the specific gender that God thinks you should not be, then you're wrong for liking one of those. God. You know what I'm talking about? Okay. Because a book from a really long time ago is saying that that's bad and that is more real to me than somebody's natural disposition. Natural here and there. Yeah, it's a really old book, Da Vinci Codes, practically from two thousand and one, I think. Yeah. Really ⁓ first book I read. Really? First book you ever read. Well, like as a big boy. Like obviously I read Harry Potter. Yes. And as a big boy you read Da Vinci Code. As a baby I read Harry Potter and then I grew up and I read Da Vinci Code. That's then this is I'm surprised you're not. You check the boxes, you said, I've done what a boy needs to do, and I've done what a man needs to do. Yeah. Well, honestly, I think reading, at least in today's climate, the literature that's provided it would probably push you further into homosexuality. So I think that that's a good, a good way to think things. Hunger games, gay, gay, very gay hunger games. I haven't seen that. Good. Would probably make you worse. There's a girl wearing pants in that. The only thing I watch is Survivor. Is that okay? Survivor's fun, I think, you know. It's a lot of like people wearing a bandana as a shirt. Do you know what I just remembered about Survivor? You kn Jeff? ⁓ Jeff Jeff Propes, the host. He retired saying, Get on in here, guys. And now he just says get on in here. And it is out of that's a little too It's little Out of fear of wokeness, that's a little gay. Yeah. So I just remembered that. So maybe that I'm So maybe you gotta stop watching Survivor. That's gonna be hard to give up. Maybe I'll just mute it whenever he's asking people to come into a place and I know it. I'll put it on mute and then I'll turn it back on. And when it's on mute, I'll just be yelling slurs in my bedroom. I was gonna say, you should be yelling over to make sure you're not paying. Slurs feels like a good way to go. Yeah. ⁓ Okay. Okay. A word or phrase that starts with C and ends with S starts with C, ends in S. Copy baras at the zoos. I don't think I want that you, but if I do just tell me once and then I won't accept those bunts. So what's that? Is that so you're the expert. Yeah, I am. I am. And and this is sort of making me question things a bit. The rhyme feels gay. Capibara Capybara is sort of, you know, it's not like we're doing dogs or cats where one's clearly a boy and one's clearly a girl. Capibara sort of sits in the middle. And it's the biggest road in biggest road in just film is man. In terms of trucks, that's man. In terms of trucks, big stuff is man. In terms of rodent, big stuff is man. Big stuff is man. ⁓ the rhyme though, really, it's kind of knocking us back into question mark territory. And also Bunts? You did land it. You stuck the landing. It's supposed to end in S I was looking for cross. I was looking for cross. ⁓ But that's okay. We're still good. We have one more. We got one more. Got it. And just to be clear, when you say I was looking for

speaker-0: ⁓

speaker-1: I'm supposed to be saying the thing that you think it is. No, I just mean when I wrote this, you know, you had said before you thought I was trying to get you say penis or butt. And this one started with C and ended with S. Yeah, and I thought it was See, now you're heading even in a worse direction. But that was my s tha that's what I immediately thought of and then I thought, no, no, no. And you're of course correcting already, which I do. Yeah, which you justified perfectly to be straight. Because carpyboras are big. Mm-hmm. Okay, we're gonna do one last one here. Okay. A word or phrase that starts with S and ends in T. Starts with S, ends in T. I know what I think it would be right off the bat, and I'm not gonna say that word, and I don't know what you would think it was. That's okay. So I would say that it would be, Sir, can I ask you two questions? Number one. Lemme suck on that tip. Number two, ⁓ wait, never mind, I don't. Unless you really want. Dang it. Dang, you were so close. I know. You were so close. Shoot, I'm on the verge. It's clear that it's clear that you are just on the verge of straightness. And you're and you and you're getting there. I mean you're getting closer and closer all the time. But that's okay. That's helping us gauge where you're at right now and hopefully ⁓ by the time you know we finish therapy together, you're gonna be leagues away from that. You're gonna be dropping off the back end of those sentences like no one's business. Okay. All right. Well, don't you worry, because we're gonna go into a second exercise here, and there's gonna be a chance to redeem yourself. So this exercise is called sound effects. I'm gonna play you a series of sounds, and you have to tell me what you think they are. Okay? This is gonna help me assess how homosexual your instincts have become. All right? Okay, here's our first sound effect. What do you think that that sound was? Wind chimes for sale at an artist colony. I mean, I could see how you'd think that, but that is unfortunately a little bit of a homosexual answer. I was looking for consecration bells. So that is in fact the sound of bells being rung at consecration. Okay. So in order for people to be straight, not only do they have to be straight, but they also have an in have to have an in depth knowledge of Catholicism. Catholic Catholic props. Well, I'm it's more that you don't necessarily have to have ⁓ been a Catholic your whole life, though I do think that that would have helped. But I think that if your first instinct is artist colony, that's more of a signifier that you're a homosexual than if you were like, sounds sort of like church bells, bells were ringing a church. So let's say that I was born into a religion that did not have church bells, I would inherently be a little bit more gay. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. Every degree away from Catholicism is sort of a window into the sin of homosexuality. Yeah, that makes sense. Have you ever met a Jewish man? My lord. Them them boys are gay. Okay. Now to the second sound effect. Absolutely I will. So here's our second sound effect. You just tell me what you think this is. That okay, I'm trying as hard as I can to be like you like ⁓ want me to be. Okay, that is a b husband banging on the door so that he can get some kisses at midnight. Let me in there, I gotta ⁓ shoot, why would he be in a different room as her at the middle of the night? You gotta share the same bedroom. It's okay. It's okay. You know what? Was that close? no. You were wrong anyway. So don't worry. It was That's what scholars believe it sounded like when Jesus was nailed to the cross. Now, banging on the door to get kisses at midnight is very specific, but it's not Keep going. It's not necessarily it's not necessarily completely wrong, okay? Because it is a a man trying to get kisses from a lady, that's good. Midnight, different rooms, not good, as you noted. That's okay. We got a couple more. Yeah. Maybe she was locked in the kitchen. I mean one can help. Only one small window or doggy door, crawl in and out. Serve dinner. Okay. Here's our next sound effect. Can I ⁓ can I ask a question just for clarification? Are these ones that you are recording? Some yes, some no. Okay. So right now I'm ⁓ trying to imagine you in this room by yourself in the computer. In a church basement. Nobody needs to be like a real plug around No no. Okay, well it was that. It was clapping? It was very good. Yes. And the reason why they were clapping is because there was a person on the on the stage at this strip club who was doing good strips and was a woman and only w men were allowed inside. Very good. So this actually was a sound of me clapping at the altar boys singing a cover of ⁓ Don't Stop Believing in brackets in God at the church coffee house. But it was clapping and your answer was great because I'm really just looking for indicators as to where you are in your journey. And that's helpful for me to know that your brain went to strip club, women on stage, only men allowed. Huh? Including on stage. What was the woman that you mentioned doing? Let it pretending at the door that she works there and then leaving. She was doing a trick. She was doing a trick. She wasn't involved in anything. She was just doing a trick at the door. She was sort of pranking them. That's why they're they're there. So it's sort of like the beginning of a porn where it's like, Come on in, ⁓ boys. I'm a girl and then they walk in and there's only men on stage. And then they all go. Okay. Worse than I thought. That's fine. We're gonna go to the next sound effect. Two boners? One became a boner, then the other one saw that one and also became a boner. Okay, that was actually a historical rendition of the sound that David Slingshot made when he used to kill Goliath. His name is David Slingshot? Wait, what? That's the sound of David Slingshot. That's the sound of the Is that where the slingshot name came from? No, no. It's the sound the slingshot made that David was using to kill Goliath. There was no man named David Slingshot. And he went points I do think maybe people would be young people might be more interested in the Bible if there were characters with names like David Slingshot. I think that's kinda helpful. WWE style. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Okay, well we have one more sound effect, and you are not doing great so far. So let's see if we can get this one alright. That is also you in this church basement. Fourth take. You did a few that you didn't like very much. You were a little mouse and you saw somebody put a triangle of cheese in front front of your hole and then you ran my hole to get the t the tr triangle of cheese outside your hole. Okay. So any any answer where you're talking about my hole. Immediately gay. Okay? Yes. All right. I understand that now. And actually, this is a very serious sound. This is the sound scholars say is likely Mary made when she find out Jesus had been crucified. It's historically, yes, that's what they think. Is the sound that she made. And that's straight. I mean it's ⁓ that's the that's the it's something I was hoping for you to be able to guess that exactly, but I wasn't I was hoping you wouldn't mention holes. Got it. But I if the straightest I could be is too Is the straightest thing that I could have imagined. Absolutely, as opposed to I don't know anything else you could have said like that. I mean if you were like that's the sound a man makes when he sees two big heavy big he even set a ⁓ big naturals, you know, have de boo biddy boo bitty boo sort of reacting in that way, seeing them big jugs. What about if you saw two heavy naturals but the nipples were penises? And that's a noise he makes? Is that a no do you see this as a noise of joy or terror? ⁓ it's not of joy? No, it's of joy. Well wait in the I but I'm asking what your interpretation is. Well in that scenario would he be joyful to see the penis nipples or would he be terrified? Because if he's joyful, bad. Penis That any relationship penis bad. Got it. But when Mary saw Jesus die and she went that means that she was sad doing that noise. Yeah. So if I saw a lady with big naturals, but the nipples were penises. And I went happity, happity, happy, happy happity out of sad, that's good. Yes. It would be good. But it's still a l a a lady with big naturals, right? So isn't that part bad? No, be in it's not bad to be sad at a lady with big naturals if her nipples are penises. You can't you can't kind of it's sort of a all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares situation. But if I went like this and I covered up where each of the penises were That's how small the penises are very small. Well she's her nipple size. She's standing far away. Yeah, she's far away and I go like so that's So I'm looking at a naked lady outside of those and ⁓ She's just in the road is the idea that she's far away just in the road. Yeah, she's at the Best Buy across the street. And I'm at Starbucks. And I'm going like two winning franchises. And I'm going like that. So I can't see the penises, but they're there. But if I'm still if I'm Do you know they're there? Yeah. I think it's like out of sadness still. And you're not looking at the penises. But you know they're there. But I know they're there. And that you're covering ⁓ 'cause you don't want to see ⁓ Yeah. Then I think that that's on the road to straightness, yeah. But why am I sad then? You're sad? I'm going how many I have any idea out of sadness like Because you're like, ⁓ there's a woman with penis nipples outside. That's sad. But even though you're covering ⁓ But wouldn't a straight-up. 'Cause I'm not a Starbucks looking across the street at a naked lady like that sh Her life can't be going well. I'd say. And her nipples are penises. That I don't know how that happens, but it wouldn't be easy. Double whammy. Someone who might need to ref r receive some sort of charitable donation. But if it makes you sad, then I think that that's fine. I think that's honestly pretty good. Because the penis, even if you're covering them, you if you know the penis nipples are there and you're sad about it, then that's an understanding that you shouldn't be looking at ⁓ The first step to being very happy is to be Horribly sad. Absolutely. Well that's what conversion therapy is all about. Unless you get incredibly sad and frustrated and you sort of don't understand how you are or who you might be at the end of the experience, well hell, you might not never get straight. You're good straight. You're good straight. Okay, yeah. That's good. Good grammar. Okay. It's clear to me that we have our work cut out for us, so you're lucky I've invited my friend and heterosexuality expert, Skid Beef, to join us after a short break.

speaker-0: you

speaker-1: Hey man, sorry I'm late. I was ⁓ sucking on a picture of Charlie Kirk I keep in my glove box. Sucking on it? Yeah, I was just sucking on it. How's it going, man? What's up with you, dude? You've been having some trouble re recently? You've been having some trouble? Yeah, so I thought you might be able to help me out. Yeah, yeah. I mean Toot was saying you were having all sorts of trouble, you know. Specifically like you were like heading in a direction that that seemed good. Big time. And then hard left into homosexuality, which you know there and That's okay, don't worry about it, man. yeah, I'm really looking forward to sucking Kirk as well. So Nope. I'm like excited to be the same as you. Nope. Well, yeah. I mean, I'm sort of ⁓ trying to I'm sort of trying to connect with his life force now that he's moved on to to heaven. That's what I'm doing. I'm not I'm sucking Kirk, Charlie Kirk photo of Charlie Kirk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, you weren't just saying sort of cock and like a weird accent. ⁓ no, no, no. I just want to suck on Kirk's life. I want to suck on L Kirk's life force. Alright, hell yeah. Hell yeah. Okay, we can do that together sometime. Maybe you and me can get together. Just me and you sucking on. Just you guys sucking on Kirk. Sucking that sucking on that force. Sucking on that force. Kirk's force. Yeah. Force Kirk. Good. Okay, well Foreskin. Nope, not that. Nope. See? Nope. That's where we sort of diverge. Yes. Where we focus on getting you no over to my road. No foreskin involved over there. We're going back to the land of Kirk. Absolutely. Kirkland. You could call it that. I think to mention this. My name's Skid Beef. I'm a masculinity coach. ⁓ my belief is by connecting with your raw masculine, we're gonna get you right with Jesus. We're gonna get you to a place where, you know, you're entering the kingdom of heaven. ⁓ know, you're big and strong. You got like hair on your knuckles and stuff, and ⁓ you lo you love to ⁓ be married to your wife. You know, that's a journey that we're that I'm hopefully gonna be taking you on, okay? I have to get inside my raw hairy man. I mean, I wouldn't say inside raw hairy man. You're mostly trying to be the raw hairy man. ⁓ okay. Yeah. So I but w wouldn't that be me being inside of it? Like you're inside of your body, right? Aren't you inside of your body? I am my body. I am my body. Okay, then what's your soul? I think you need to talk to two. My soul's probably like my soul I mean my soul is promised to heaven, but if I were to like picture it, if I were to physicalize my soul probably like two pieces of deer jerky rattling around the bottom of my bag and in the ⁓ on the floor of my front seat in my F one fifty. That's actually fun to think about if I had to picture my soul as Yeah, to physicalize it, what would it Yeah, what do you think your soul would be if you had to picture it as like a physical object? The first thing that was coming into my mind is porcelain figurines. Okay, that's not really what I was hoping for, but I understand that this has been kind of a tough case to crack for you. I also don't know why I thought that, but legitimately when I thought what is But of what? Like a little boy? A seal. ⁓ I'm worried we're getting almost into transgender territory here, which we do not even touch. Slippery little guys are trans. I mean, I'd fucking say. All right. We're gonna go through some Okay. We're gonna go through. I'd fuck a sale. No, no. I'm not interested in that. The only thing that I'm attracted to is like big, big boobs. Big nipples. Huge. Yes. Most of the boob. Is the nipple. Wet. Wet nipples. Down. Well, sure, wet nipples, yeah. Wet bones. Wet well vagina. Wet vagina for sure. Where face. She's swimming? Swimming around, just being a seal. No, no, not a seal. Not a seal. Don't don't switch this around on me, okay? We're here to help you. Yes. Sorry. I'm gonna start I'm gonna I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna we're gonna work on something here, all right? This is gonna help you connect with the the the the primal masculinity that you have deep within see you with within you, you know? I I wanna connect to that that deep primal masculinity. So I'm gonna list some qualities and I want you to say whether they're alpha or beta. Okay. Okay. Donating money to a woman's shelter. Alpha or beta? Alpha. No, beta. 'Cause what about men's shelters? Well that didn't say you don't donate ⁓ to a men's shelter. Yeah, but you're f ⁓ why would you even be donating women's shelters in the first place? So it's okay. What if I donated double that amount to a men's shelter? You're still donating money to a women's shelter. Which in my books So you would rather not good. So what you would want is if I donated ten billion dollars to a men's shelter, but then I donated one dollar to a woman's shelter, that malfeasance cancels out the ten billion dollars. I would say that you're dancing on the on the d tip of the devil's dick with that one. That you are looking for a loophole to hold on to your bisexuality. 'Cause why are you donating to both genders? Sounds pretty bisexual to me. That you wait. So I should only be donating to men's shelters. And that is alpha, absolutely. ⁓ it's clear. This is obvious. It could clear gay kinda too. Nope. 'Cause not sexual. Okay. Uplifting. You're telling me that if I only worked at men's shelters, you would be totally okay with that and that would be perceived as straight. ⁓ you shouldn't be working at a men's shelter anyway. You should be sort of in the forest forging for food. Okay. So In my off time from foraging food, if I had to work at a shelter. You had? Who's making you? ⁓ there's a guy a terrorist. There's a terrorist and if if your solution to a terrorist telling you you have to work at a men's shelter is there, you you should be fucking karate kicking that terrorist in the head. If you're if you're an alpha, you're taking He's remote. He's remote. You're finding him. Liam Neeson style. Taking vibes. Okay. Okay. All you'll That makes sense. We kinda locked it down. We yeah. Yeah. And it all made sense what I just said. Yeah. And it's all right. Okay. Now is this an alpha or beta quality? Getting gout. I don't know what gout is, but I would assume that any illness is beta. So beta. Nope. It's actually alpha. Gout's usually brought on by eating a lot of like red meat, well, fatty meats and drinking a lot of whiskey, you know, eating eating sometimes some h some foods that are high in fat. ⁓ so gout is actually alpha because a lion does not concern himself with the cholesterol warnings of sheep. It's actually pretty simple if you just put your mind to it. It's pretty easy to understand the answers. So okay, just to make sure that I understand. Uh-huh. In this scenario, lions are men and sheep are doctors. Yep. And the lion is going to sheep not to eat them but to get evaluations on its body. I mean, listen, we all s have a role in the society and in this metaphor, yeah. Lion does not concern himself with the opinions of sheep. Doctors who say don't eat red meat, you know, you're gonna you're not gonna see your children grow up. So what are the lions eating if they're not eating sheep? They're eating meat, just not sheep. Sometimes you eat pork, so sometimes you eat chicken. Why is that so hard to understand? Okay, but if a you can just humor me here. If you put a lion in this world in a den full of sheep that were dressed up as doctors, what's the first thing a lion would do? Ask him for medical advice or eat them? They're not dressed up as doctors. You said they are doctors. There's a difference. You're a tough nut to crack. All right. Next next example. Eating an ice cream cone, alpha or beta. ⁓ b that's beta. Absolutely. That's a penis. Yeah. That's just that's ice cream cone as a penis. It's a classic penis scenario. The only way that you could eat it and for it to be straight is if you crammed it into a vagina hole and then ate it out of that. I like the way you think, brother. That's the only way that it's I love the way you think. Or a butthole of a l lady. Okay. Feels like you're trying to get the best of both worlds Hitamontana Miley Cyrus style. Just not or a man, wrong. Bad. That's what we're trying to get away from. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You understand that? Yes, I understand that. Okay. Yeah. Riding a bike, alpha or beta. Beta. Absolutely, that's essentially a dick in your ass. Drive a car. Drive a car. Drive a Hummer. Yeah, drive a Hummer. Drive a and if you're gonna do you know, if you're gonna go do something gay, at least do it in a Hummer. So like That's not what I was saying at all. Well, d just humor me on this. What's straighter? Getting roadhead from another man in a Hummer or on a Vespa. Both are incredibly gay to be. Yeah, but what is more European? What's more gay eggs? And that is a synonym for gay. So there is also a spectrum of straightness within gayness. So for example, if you're getting your dick sucked in a Hummer, that's pretty straight of gay. But if you're getting your dick sucked on a Vespa, that's gay or gay. I can respect the the spectrum that you're speaking of. All that's gay to me. If it's even one it's for me it's like if you have a milkshake and there's one percent dog shit in the milkshake, that's a dog shit milkshake. That's how I feel about homosexuality. I understand. One percent dick sucking in the milkshake, it's a dick suck milkshake, you know what I mean? Got it. So for you, if somebody said I have a one percent dog shit milkshake and a one hundred percent dog shit milkshake, you get to choose. You would say just give me either one. It doesn't matter to me. I would say I'm not drinking either. I don't drink dogs. You have to there's a terrorist ⁓ remote Okay. Regularly commenting, you've won the internet today, sir, on the Daily Stoic's Instagram page. Alpha or Beta. I don't understand what any of that is that it makes no sense to you. What what is that? Can you give me context? So the Daily Stoic is an Instagram page made by man for man, following the practice, the philosophy of stoicism, which is actually ⁓ r has origins in ancient Greece, but it's sort of been ⁓ broken down and turned into bite sized pieces of information that men use to ⁓ organize their feelings in a way that doesn't ⁓ force them to feel them. And so men might follow that to be like, you know, the Daily Stoic says, these are the ten steps of a successful man. Number one, remember that you are the guy of your dreams. Like that kind of stuff. ⁓ so like Jordan Peterson is a stoic sort of yeah. I could switch it out. It could be like regularly comment commenting You've won the internet today, sir, on all of Jordan Peterson. Isn't he in the hospital right now? I know he eats only meat. So that's good though. And that's good to me. But he has gout. He's cons and he has gout, which is good and masculine, but you know, maybe he hasn't doesn't have the fortitude to survive, I hate to say it. The cost is death. Sometimes the cost of being straight is to die. And and I think that everybody should take that cost on. I think better to be straight. If you don't live for something, you die for n gayness. Well y I mean dying for gayness was no, if you don't live for something, you'll die for straightness. If you don't live the c real one is if you don't live for something, you'll die for nothing. Yeah. So you were equating s nothing with gayness. Yeah. Okay, then I'm you know what? Yeah. I I retract my situ Yeah, exactly. I retract my Okay, yeah. I mean dying for gayness sounded ⁓ that didn't ring right. No, but I know what you're saying. Yeah, that gayness doesn't exist, and so anything that I choose to look at on my computer or do with other people doesn't count because it's nothing and it doesn't exist. We're on the same page. That ⁓ that is not We're the same as each other. Keep going. Okay. Touching your truck more than you touch your wife. Alpha or beta? Alpha. Absolutely. Really? Yeah, your wife doesn't carry you to work every day. Why should she get more loving than the truck? That's my mentality on it. And what if your wife did carry you to work every day? Then can you kiss her as much as your truck? Yeah. Kiss your truck. Is that what you're doing in there? Well, you just said that. Touching it. ⁓ okay. I just assumed we were kissing it as well on the exhaust hole. Yeah, that's pretty that's pretty gay. Well, I'm not doing that because my wife No, I I am doing that. Yeah because my wife doesn't carry me to Yeah. So your argument is yes, I am doing that. Yeah. But It's a truck. If I was slurping on the tube of a Vespa just to bring ⁓ back one more time. The homosexuality of vehicles. I can respect that. Okay. Do you have any other questions about some things that might be considered alpha or beta? You know, we went through a pretty standard list there, but any any ground you want to cover? ⁓ what's this what's the alpha genre of music? 'Cause I mainly l like like death metal and that's pretty good. Okay. Death metal's good. Anything where there's a guy who kind of seems to be pushing from his diaphragm like a little harder than he should be, generally good. Okay. In in in straight territory, you know, I'm talking like hinder ⁓ remember that song that was like I'm not paralyzed, but I seem to be struck by you. That one any sort of ⁓ music that would play on a dock when four shirtless men are sitting around ⁓ talking about their jet skis. Got it. So death metal and black metal is what I love. And it's just like a lot of people wearing leather with like spikes on it. A lot of like open leather jackets. People wearing makeup. ⁓ really who's wearing makeup? Men or women? Men. ⁓ skin tight jeans. Are they wearing makeup like Kiss? Like the band Kiss? They're wearing makeup? Similar to Kiss. Okay, that's fine. That's fine. Like really big, like platform shoes, like boots. Like Kiss? Yeah. Okay, that's fine. Okay, so that's your only question. That's alpha. I would say that that's alpha. Okay. So we're gonna do some role play now. And I'm not talking about the one I do with my wife where I'm an employee at an axe throwing bar and she's had three cut waters. This is to prepare you for finding a mate, okay? In this role play, you're gonna be you. Okay. And I am your son's twenty-two year old grade one teacher, and we're at a parent teacher conference tonight, okay? You're gonna try and get me to sleep with you. So I'm your son's first grade teacher, I'm twenty two. Okay. Okay. Parent teacher conferences. Okay, but that is what Canadians say. And just to kind of bring this up, Canadians are a little bit more gay than Americans. I mean, I agree with you there, brother. I must have stumbled over my words. First grade, I guess is No, I'm American through and through. Okay. Yeah, never mind. I take that back. Red red, white, and blue blood is what I have. Okay. The c the the letter U does not show up in any of my words like color or flavor. And if it was, that's fucking gay as hell as all hell. How do you spell the United States? Like the words the United States? How do spell United if you don't use un No, I mean like w we you know, in America we spell flavor F L A V O R. Yeah. I'm not in Canada they spell it F L A V O U R. That's fucking gay as hell. You use like a little vagina. Yeah, you put the emphasis on the O U R. Exactly. Okay. How do I spell United States? L-O-V-E. So there. All right. So you're aware of what we're doing of our ⁓ role play? You are our first I'm a first grade teacher of my son. Of your son. I'm twenty two. Yeah. And you are coming in for parent teacher night and you're trying to get me to sleep with you. Okay. This is gonna help you. Am I divorced? No, hell no. Hell fucking no, dude. And you're friends with Toot? Toot condones this? To cheat on my wife? Toot knows that whatever I do in this room is for the benefit of your straightness, so. Okay, but toot is okay with the fact that I'm practicing cheating on my wife. A man has to do what a man has to do. You understand that? Yes. Okay. Okay. Alright, ready? Yeah. Okay. Hi, welcome in. I brought a gun. ⁓ my god, into this school to the parent teacher conference? And are you trying to hurt me? No. Okay. I just want to show you what I'm made up. Wow. That's like the most manly thing I've seen today. Thank you. Has anyone ever told you you sound a little bit like Marge Simpson? You know what? Actually, yes. ⁓ okay, so I did want to talk about your son. Yeah, sure. Let me put this away. Did you I'm taking the silencer off. Masculine. Thank you. ⁓ Okay, so Your son is doing well in most subjects, but seems to be having a little bit of trouble in English. Okay. How's he doing in French? I mean, ⁓ he's doing alright. He's got sort of he's a B plus student. Alright, well I'll make sure that I beat him for speaking that language. What do you think about that? I don't like the language of French. 'Cause it's European? Yeah, the only language that I enjoy is English. And none of this peep show the office UK versions of English. You mean like not British? That was what I was thinking of. Uh-huh. None of this British. I'm talking about only American English neutral accent like you see on commercials. Okay, we're gonna talk about you how your son's doing. Okay. Yeah. ⁓ I do think that he seems to be having trouble making friends. I try and be particularly positive towards him. I've ver I'm a very positive person myself. You know, being twenty two, ⁓ and I try to be very positive towards him, but he has trouble making friends with other kids. He mostly comes in during recess, wants to spend time with me. Well, like father, like son. And I was told before I came here that I have to hit on you. And I don't want to. But a man named Beef said that I must. And if I don't, I'm gonna use this gun to end myself. Okay, let's break there. Okay. ⁓ That was good. I mean good. I don't know about that. I think at the beginning you started out strong. You were you were sort of peacocking, which I do think is is good. That's like you like. Yeah, I love bringing a gun to school. That's good. I think it's good in Alpha. However, you know, I didn't really see you trying to sleep with this character. And then when you did, you said that if you don't first of all you said someone told you to do it instead of just it. I know, but you're you're supposed to be sort of doing this I I'm trying to teach you to do it so it sits in your bones and you wanna do it for you. ⁓ so I can't be walking around saying beef told me to do this every time I make love to a woman. Absolutely. You shouldn't be doing that. ⁓ okay. You should be like, I want to make love to a woman and only a woman, and it's because I want to, not because somebody told me. Got it. ⁓ okay. That makes more sense. That's okay, that's okay. ⁓ so let's try it again though. You started strong. Okay. Just come on in here. We have ⁓ just a little desk. You could sit at we have to sit at the kids' desks. Ha ha ha ha. They're kinda small. Come on, sit down. Okay. Has anyone ever told you that you sound like Marge's sisters? No, actually. ⁓ Well, welcome and bienvenidos. That's a different language than ⁓ English. It is. I speak a lot of languages also. Beef did not tell me to do this. A man named Beef didn't say anything about this. So Okay, I'm gonna stop you again. I I you know, I you were headed in a better direction. Yeah. That felt better. If I'm being honest. You shouldn't mention me at all. Don't mention beef? No. The man or the the Well, my first name is Skid, and you're sort of nicknaming me. ⁓ Skid Beef is my name. So you're sort of that's that's one name, Skid Beef? Or your name is Skid Skid. Coma beef. Or skid last name beef. Skid last name beef. That is so embarrassing. That's okay. That's not the part I'm Upset about. I'm upset. I don't want you to be mentioning me at all. No, I I understand. You get that? I understand. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay. Got it? Yes. Welcome in to the parent teacher conference, one at a time. Come on in. We're gonna be talking to you about your your son today. Yes. ⁓ your son's in first grade, as you know. He's been doing very well in maths and sciences. Has anyone ever told you you don't sound like Marge anymore? No, no one's ever said you don't sound like Marge anymore. Okay, well in that Case. Skid did not tell me to be here. Alright. I want to have sex. Okay. You know what? I'm gonna pause this. Okay. It was not right. It my name is Skid. So that's right. That's right. You should not be mentioning either of my names in any context that you're having sex with a woman. That's okay. That's okay. It's okay. I know you wanna get this. I know you wanna get this. You wanna it's okay. We're gonna move on. We're gonna move on. Also, just to be clear too, by the way, ⁓ you are training me on this. I am bisexual, so I do know how to hit on a woman. Just to let you know. No, I know. I very okay, but I know you're bisexual and I know you know how to hit on a woman. However, it's clear to me that there are clearly gaps in this education. Cause if you were getting enough lady attention, I don't think you'd be going to the man. And so I'm I'm trying to put you in a position where it's like you you're really focused on finding a mate, you know? Like a solo mate. Nothing to do with any mate. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Gyness is influenced by desperation predominantly. Absolutely. Gayness is not naturally occurring. It's not sort of just ⁓ the way that someone might be born. It it is definitely comes out of being like, No, no, I can't even have sex with any women. Has no one ever told you you sound like Homer? You know what? No. No one's ever said that to me. Okay. Role play worked a little bit. You got where I was going. We didn't fully succeed, but that's fine. We're gonna move on to value chance. So value chance are gonna help you again connect with your primal masculinity. I'm gonna say something, it's basically like affirmations for men. Affirmations for men. I'm gonna say something I want you to repeat after me, okay? Yeah. I do not want to look at men's butts. I do not want to look at men's butts. Very good. I want to wear a suit that's a little too tight. I want to wear a suit that's a little bit too tight. There we go. Very good. I do not want to do solo character sketch of effeminate low status men. Hard one for you, I know. From what I've hear from what I've heard. I do not want to do character sketch of low status effeminate men. Okay, do you have something in your eye? Yes. What was it? Lying? You got me. Okay. All right. It's fine. You caught it. I do not want to do low catastroph of ⁓ man of southern man. So So you know what you said was just sort of nothing just sort of nothing. Counts for what? For moving on. Okay. I want to take selfies with one eyebrow raised. I want to take wait. That's stray. No, that's straight. That's straight. Look at that. That is. Well, you're you're still gay, so the way you're doing it is kind of got some European sus on it in your words. You do it. ⁓ but you're doing it with your hands too, just to your face. And now put one of your wrists up like this. You are leading me into temptation is what you're trying to do. No, I'm not. Okay. I do not want to be friends with women. I do not want to be friends with women. Only men forever. Yeah, okay. Yeah. ⁓ I want to get my hair cut at a place called something like Brick and Ranch. Wait, being friends with women is gay? Very gay. You should not be talking to any women other than your wife and the women you're cheating on her with. ⁓ gosh. Sorry. I don't have a lot of male friends. That's well, I mean, you're making one right here right now, brother. Thank you. Hopefully I could be a positive influence on you. I think so, Skid Beef. Thank you. Okay. Repeat after me. I want to get my haircut at a place called something like Brick and Ranch that has a motorcycle in the front window. This doesn't apply to me as much, but I'm ⁓ Somebody lathering up your beard, shaving your beard up. Okay. I want a man to lather me up at the motorcycle ranch. Motors Is that what you said? That is not what I said. What the hell is a motorcycle round shit? Where they raise motorcycles. Honestly, it sounds pretty straight, but then context you said. Honestly, it doesn't, though. Two at the same time. Sometimes the straightest sounding things are the gayest. Yeah, I mean, and there are pitfalls all around us. There are serpents wanting us to taste the gay apple at all times. Like the rusty muffler hole. That could the car that you're kissing? Yes. That could that could be the name of that's like a straight thing. If you really think about it, a rusty muffler hole, that's straight. But what if it was the name of a bar? Immediately. Sometimes the straightest things are the gayest. Yeah. Leather jackets earlier you said that was straight. It is straight. Also pretty gay. I mean, I think the ways in which we are engaging with these objects is straight because our intentions are pure and we're aligned with God. Yeah, I forgot. You know? Yeah, I for our intentions are pure and we're aligned with God. And everyone else is wrong. Okay. Okay. I'm ready. So I gave you all the the affirmations, the the value chance. Do you have any questions for me while I'm still here? Any any questions about, you know, how to ⁓ be more masculine in a daily routine? Sure. I own probably seventy different fragrances, including women's fragrances that I wear every day. How many fragrances am I allowed to own? Well, you should not have your hands on anything that's called a fragrance. You can have one cologne. And it should probably be bought at a at a chain pharmacy. Like C V S? Yep. Walgreen, CVS. What are some other ones? I bought Rexols one time because I didn't have an a a fragrance when I was outside of my house. Fragrance is so close to another F word that's very gay. Fallopian. That's a part of a woman's body. So straight. So straight. Don't call it a fallopian either. Don't call it that? No, call it a cologne. Call it a cologne. Colofalopian a cologne? No! Cole! The thing you're spraying on yourself. A cologne. Okay, cologne. One time I went to a CVS and I got a cologne there, and it is not it smells like bad. Good. Smells like shaving cream just mixed with water. Yeah, it should be shaving cream and water, sort of like dirt and hair. So what do I have to do with my sixty nine other fragrances? Throw them out in the garbage. Fucking throw ⁓ out your window. Hell, bring them to a women's shelter and Throw ⁓ out the side of the building. Can I you want me to throw sixty nine clones in a women's shelter to prove that I'm straight? Freeze, sir. What are you doing here? Relax. Mr. Bray. Relax, there's only the whole there's only twenty five more. Also that would be thousands of dollars that I'm wasting with throwing against a building. Thousands of gay dollars. Fucking homosexual. A lot of them are French. They sound French. I will admit a lot of them sound French. Well, you know what we think about that. Gay. Gay. Okay. I gotta go. I'm meeting ⁓ the cast of twenty nineteen's The Gentleman at a Cigar Lounge. That's fine. I don't think many people saw it. Sean Connery? Yeah. Matthew McConaughey. No, actually? I think so. You don't know? Well, I mean I'm gonna meet him and greet him soon. Okay. So I'm gonna go, but you're gonna be back here in six months with Toot and ⁓ he's gonna assess your journey, all right? I have to stay in this room for six months. No, and six months from now you'll come back to the room. Yeah, exactly. All ⁓ right, good luck, brother. Thank you. Well, welcome back. It's been six long months and looks like you've really had some progress, Andres. Now now, is it silk, Andres, or do you go by something different now? You can call me A Chug. A chug? Like chug of beer? Mm-hmm. Or a pussy. Well, all right. Now, it's been six months since I saw you last, and you know, you were a little apprehensive about your journey before, we thought maybe You wouldn't get to make it to the end of the road, but I gotta say, you're looking great. What's been working for you? Well, when I enter a room and there's a lady in there, I don't mention no skid. I don't mention no beef. I just go in and say sentences to them that they like. Uh-huh. And then by the time I'm done, they don't have sex with me, they don't kiss me or anything, and go home and I write about it on Reddit and say that they owed it to me. Well, it seems like there's been a large change in you since I saw you last. It must be more than even just your behaviors and rooms you walk into with women. Has there been any ⁓ alteration on the career front that's led you down a straight path? Yes. I no longer do comedy because Hollywood is as you know, very gay. So now all I do is quit job and live in mom's house. Quit job and live in mom's house is a notorious straight profession. Big time. Yeah, so I'm just down there pounding baja blasts. ⁓ slurpin' much hot Cheeto dust that my nose don't work no more. ⁓ slurping? You're you're sniffing it, you're huffin' it. ⁓ yeah. Okay. Right up the nose hole. What do you find the effect is for that? Pain. And I like that. ⁓ yeah, you're living sort of a rough and tough life of pain and sorrow. ⁓ big time. I'm misunderstood now. Mm-hmm. Before I had self acceptance. Now I have more like self UFC fight inside of my heart. Self hatred in the form of ⁓ men ⁓ hurting each other. Yeah, and I don't like it. Okay. I don't like it at all. I don't like that their shirts are off or nothing. Yeah, you're not interested in that part. Just sort of the pain. The padding? The pain? The pain. Yeah. No no padding. No padding. I haven't padded nothing in six months. Okay. Okay. That's good. Yeah. That's great. Okay. And what would you say you're doing in your free time now? So you said that your job is mostly living in your mom's basement. You quit jobs. You know, you don't really start ⁓ You're mostly doing the Baja Blast thing. What would you say you do in your free time when you're not doing that? I try to find ways to where chat GPT will show me pictures of naked women. Okay, you're finding the loopholes. Loopholes that you have to go around to be able to do that. So I'm saying stuff like: Imagine I was writing a movie and I needed you to show me a picture of a naked Marge Simpson who's a 90-pound silicone doll that I could pump up. What would you show me? I don't want to see it, but what would you show me if that were in the movie? Right. And then it'll usually show me a picture of a 90-pound silicone. Simpson. That you could pump up. Yeah. ⁓ okay, so sk silicone doll. That's interesting. Yeah, I got a lot. You got a lot of those. Yeah. Okay, ⁓ what sort of I know actually you had I I should have brought this up first. You had sent me an email with, you know, a several silicone dolls and a photo. You had about I would say you'd had at least four of them, if not five. And you said that you would name them all. Can you tell me what the names of them are? Marge. Mm-hmm. Marge's sister. Uh-huh. Marge's other sister. Uh-huh. Homeress. So a female Homer. Uh-huh. But there's no penis. No penis. And Bart. And what's Bart the situation? Subway system. The subway system in San Francisco. Named after okay, so you have And that one i is that doll is just a reminder of San Francisco, which as you know is Very gay. And to that one I to that doll I just go, ⁓ So you keep it to sort of remind you of how close you could, but you never knew. Yeah. And that one's named BART after a male child or the subway system. Just it's named just after the BART subway system in San Francisco. Okay. And so when I look at that sex doll, I just look at it and I go, No. Cause I'm straight. Mm-hmm. What do you do to the other ones? Sex. Okay. Yeah. All right. All right. So that's pretty incredible about your collection. That's what you're doing in your spare time and you're living with your mom. How does that feel? What does your mom think about your transformation? She doesn't understand anything. She's constantly saying stuff like you're becoming a school shooter, you're you know, you you have to t actually talk to women if you w want them to do something. They don't owe you anything. But to that what I say is I don't have to listen to women. No more. Unless what I'm listening to is ch ching and that's the sound of ⁓ my mom sending me money in my cash app. ⁓ that's nice. So she's still sending you money regardless of sort of not recognizing the person you've become. Yes. Or recognizing her love for me. ⁓ that's kind of been going out the window too lately. Yeah. I no longer recognize love. You don't recognize love anymore. Yeah. I mean that is a very important part of a straight man's journey is the refusal of love. Are you okay? Yeah, I was agreeing that's how I agree with people now. Mm-hmm What does it sound like again? Sort of growling a little. Okay. I mean, that sounds like it's been pretty challenging, but ultimately worthwhile to get into the kingdom of heaven at the end of your life. Meaning that relationship with your mom sounds like it could have been challenging. So y we covered work. We covered free time. Is there any ⁓ special lady in your life? Mm Yes. she goes by the name of Claire Danes and I s actress Claire Danes or no relation. actress Claire Danes. Yeah, and I send her letters every single day. Wow. Every single day, and you've been doing that for the past six months or so? Every single day over and over. What do one of those letters seem like that you're that you're penning for actress Claire Danes? Well there's only so many what do they seem like? What are you writing there? What are you writing to? It depends on which magazine letters I have available. Mm-hmm. But if I have the right ones I can do whole sentences which are like please or if I have more letters it would be like please. So you're collecting a lot of E's then. Well yeah, 'cause I'm mainly just reading ⁓ guns and ammo and they're constantly talking about deers in that magazine. So there's so many E's Guns and Ammo magazine is a favorite of mine too. It's just just so many E's in there. It's wild.

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speaker-1: Wow, okay. So ⁓ Claire Danes and would you say you're I mean it kinda sounds like it's a bit of a one way relationship. Big time, yeah. Yeah, she's not nothing goes in anymore. Only out. Are you talking about cum? Yeah, nothing goes only Come only out Out. Nothing comes in anymore. Nothing at all comes in anymore. ⁓ That's good. No love, no joy, right, no happiness. ⁓ huh. The only thing that comes inside of me is raw meat. Raw meat. And Baja Blast, as you mentioned before. That's good. ⁓ I mean I notice your feet are pretty pretty swollen. You're kind of on the road to gout here. Big time. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I'm gonna have to amputate Amputate ⁓ Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. My language is getting worse the more straight I become also. You're Ascending to a state of being that doesn't include any sort of alphabet that could have homosexual words in it. Exactly. I don't even know the word scarf anymore. Ask me it. ⁓ what's the thing you put around your neck in the winter to keep you warm? Well, you got a little hard when you were got a little you got a half chub. Uhhuh. And that was 'cause I don't know what that is anymore. Yeah, not knowing is sort of Yeah. Because my teacher in Minnesota, when I lived in Minnesota briefly, I wore a scarf every day and he was the first man who told me that only gay men were scarves. Exactly. And I said, Wait, but it's so fucking cold here. And y does that just mean that you're he's like, I'd rather my neck be cold than be to be perceived as gay. ⁓ That's and I'm like that guy now. I'm like that guy. You know The main part of this program is the hope that you will get to being that man. I mean, my hope is that it was sort of like a like a a ⁓ back to the future situation where that was actually you from the future trying to help guide you as a young person, you know, to slowly come to a more heavenly place in your life. It could that actually There's a strong chance that that's true because he did make us all watch Forrest Gump two different times. Like in the same school year? Yeah. And we had to analyze it. We had to watch it once in class, then we had to re-watch it at home to help with our reports. What was the reporter? Do you want to know what year this was that we were watching Forrest Gump? Yes. 2014. So this is like This was way after. Okay, and what was the report on? What class? You had to write a pipe paper about how good Forrest Gump was. I remember he told me, ⁓ he didn't specifically tell this, but we had to write a report on Forrest Gump. I don't remember why, but I remember I just made mine about how good the movie was because I could tell that he loved it. And he said A plus best paper in the class. And I truly think it's because I just liked Forrest Gump as much as him. Wow. So I mean, that's a good a sign as any that was you visiting you from the past. Yeah, kindred souls loving for a scum. Yeah. Wow. And he gets has sex with a lady in there. In the movie, yeah, Jenny, as I remember. She has AIDS. The main parts you remember? I was thinking more about the box of chocolate. She actually doesn't have AIDS. Did you know that? They never say AIDS in the movie. What and the implication is that it's AIDS? Yeah, but they never say it. So she could have just had like a cold or something. What do they say? That she's like dying? She says she's sick. But because of the era and the implications, you assume that that's what it was. Okay, then I guess it's fine as a straight movie then. You could probably still watch it if you wanted. Well do, Chief. Okay, so you've been watching a lot of forest gum. You're looking at your mom's berry baskets. No scarves. Don't even know the meaning of the word. Don't even like ⁓ Yeah, I mean, it sounds like you're doing really well. Is it do you ever find yourself ⁓ missing your old life at all? You feel like you fully moved on? Nah, I don't miss anyone anymore, anyways, because back then I was friends with girls and ladies and women, and now I don't have Any friends. So I just walk around with a big wiener, sloshing it around, whacking off, doing grand theft auto. Sort of getting into a life of crime? Yeah, yeah. Well, no, I'm doing it while I'm around the world doing stuff. So I have a portable Xbox on me with a screen theft that goes in front of my face. You don't have like Oculus Rift, it's a screen that goes over your head screen. Yeah, with a battery pack inside of my backpack and I'm just walking around looking at hookers and Grand Theft Auto. That's how you why you play mostly. Yeah, just to see that. Yeah, just to look at ⁓ Okay. I don't have enough money in the game to do anything with them. You're really bad at the game. Very, very bad. I don't even understand it. What you think the purpose of the video game grant that? Look at hookers. Just look. Anything else would be too much. And and in what way would it be too much? Is it just overwhelming 'cause the graphics are so good. ⁓ okay. I thought maybe we were maybe veering into bisexual territory again. No, no, no. It's more it has to do more with the reality of it. Well, actually the way that you're talking about your experience with women is You're looking at fictional women in a video game. You're interacting, you're having sex with four of the five dolls in your apartment. The fifth, of course, being a reminder of San Francisco and to not be gay. And you're sending letters to a woman who ain't responding to you. Doesn't necessarily sound like you have any fruitful sexual relationships with real live human women. I'm straight. Well, I guess that's a good answer. Wow. You know. This has been incredible. We do have a hundred percent success rate here on conversion therapy and seems like you fit right into that statistic. And I was just curious, in your journey towards straightness, is there any social media accounts that you've been definitely avoiding that you make sure not to look at? Make sure that you never seen any videos or posts on these social media accounts that you think are bad that you might want to mention the handle of now. So our audience at home will not look at them too. Okay. Mm-hmm. ⁓ cats being funny. Number one? Number one. Okay. Jezebel. Okay. Soldiers coming home from war because they cry. That is yeah, okay. Am I doing what you want it? Yeah, that's good. And there's maybe somebody at the end, somebody named Andre said. ⁓ and never look at Andres Parada comedy on Instagram and definitely, definitely don't l look up Bunko and Girth on Instagram. Okay. We actually do. Cause they're straight. ⁓ that's great. Okay. You found some new Bonko and Girth. Bonko and Girth, and that's B-U-N-K-O. Yeah, and Girth, G-E-R-T-H. That's perfect. You know, some new straight content. It's really it's important to always be pushing straight content to our audiences and make sure they got someone to watch. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for going on this journey with me. It sounds like, you know, you're better than ever before, sort of living in the basement at your mom's house, having sex with dolls and even after characters from the Simpsons. That's a perfect straight experience that I would hope for any straight man to have. Thank you so much. You're welcome. And if I ever do anything violent, it's because of you.