Calvin Higgins: And welcome back to Choice Men, everybody. Sam, how you doing? Doing great. Doing just as good as hopefully that fake can sound was. We'll have to see on post-production how good it really was. Max Verstappen's been winning the last two F1 races. I am in high spirits. That's great. Just love it. again, once again, you guys be like, wow, I feel like I've seen these clothes in the last two episodes. Once again, same recording day. We're not quite advanced yet enough to bring different shirts. Although maybe we should do that. Sophisticated green green screen shirts. Wow. Yeah. And then he could be wearing a Max Verstappen thing. No. dear. Yeah, welcome to episode seventy five. glad that you're with us. Thanks for thanks for tuning in. If you wouldn't mind hitting that subscribe button, giving us a like, leaving us a comment, let us know what you guys want to see. That'd be great. Or don't want to see. Or don't want to see, it all publicity is publicity. So I feel like there's a way that's just hard to say that that's not what I just said. Cause bad publi 'cause although all publicity is publicity. I feel like I feel like somebody's twisted that saying and said like all infamy is famous or im if you're infamous, you're famous. I don't know. Probably. I mean that works for sure. I don't know if it's actually a statement. Yeah. Welcome back to series where we try to be under 20 minutes. And last episode, I don't think we quite did that, but a little over close. so once again, we're kind of touching on Proverbs, and it's good to be a man. This is kind of where we're pulling our content from right now because that's what we're talking about with our discipleship group. And we feel like some of these discussion questions make for good podcast episodes. So again, I'll link it's good to be a man down in description. You can go check it out on Canon Press. They've got lots of other things you could look at too. It is funny to me, like how, like, if you want to freshen up, like, you know, I guess for in our case it's like a podcast, like what the topics you're talking on, or like discussion questions for like a group, or if you're always meeting with like a guy once a week, like, okay, how do you keep that conversation fresh? Well okay. Go read the Bible. Go read a different portion of the Bible and just sit in Proverbs for a month, sit in Ecclesiastes for a month, sit in I mean, heck, even Revelations for a month. Yeah, was it Joshua who said, I think Joshua said, not on our podcast, but at our discipleship group, I'm pretty sure he said one of the things that's great about Proverbs is that you read it and every time you find something new. Which like I think the Bible is like that. I think Proverbs is one of the ones where like different things depending on what kind of attitude problems or things you've been doing well at. Certain things stick out again in different ways when you read Proverbs. And because again, Proverbs is so good for young, young guys because it's all about self-control. That's what it is. And in Titus, which like choice men, we that was our email for a while. We tried to have that that verse from Titus where it's talking about that likewise urge the young man to be self-controlled. That's it. That's all we get is urge the young man to be self-controlled. So hey, that's what we're trying to do. We're young men. We're trying to be self-controlled. We're not doing you are we the best ever being self-controlled? No. But working on it, right? And so we wanna we wanna bring people along. So today's episode, again, not the title you're probably gonna see, but Discipline Strength, Taming the Wilderness. we've got some We've got some stuff too stuff to talk about today. This is for, you know. This is more for, you know, guys who have been either numbed by virtual fruitfulness, like we have to choose discipline strength over softness. So, you know, what does that look like? We're gonna get into it. Sam's got his his first question we want to tackle today ready. Yeah. Let's let's do it. In fact, it was the fourth question of our discussion. But the thing is about discussion questions, you don't necessarily have to start from the top. no. In fact, we've actually I think our last meeting we started with a middle one. Yeah. but with this whole taming of the wilderness, taming of the you know, whatever, a a a big question that could come up is like, okay, discipline, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Do you just ignore aggression? Or assertiveness? Like how How does how does that all fit in your aggression? You're a certain as a young man for sure, because women aren't really if they're aggressive, it's because they're very emotional at whatever time. But it's like, okay. how do you fit those in with your I mean, guess whatever you're doing. like is it, is it supposed to be there? Do you take it out of the system? Do you discipline yourself to just not be aggressive? And like, do you is it part of the thing? Is it a feature or is it a bug? Or is it, you know, like how does that all fit in with how men are supposed to operate? Yeah. Well, yeah, because I mean, Foster and Tenant. So Michael Foster and non tenant, who who wrote the book, you know, because like in the in in this question, you know, it assumes that the book is arguing. Because it is that aggression and assertiveness are features, not bugs. But they can be problems. So they do actually have to be harnessed, they have to be controlled, but it's not that they need to go away. so you know, and this is kind of like the, you know, part of like, who's this for? Young men numbed by virtual fruitfulness. Well. Virtual fruitfulness doesn't actually require a lot of aggression and assertiveness because there's really nothing in the way of virtual fruitfulness. There's and this is why it's so easy to get to. It's so easy to get to. And again, I don't I don't play video games. I don't actually have like I'm not a video game hater. I'm I would very much be like When I I said one time I think it'd be really fun to stream Crossy Road because that would be fun. There's one choice. except there is a guy who does that. There's also a guy who streams the Wii, and I'm like, that's even better. I don't even know how you stream the Wii. I'd like to like to beat that guy. That's cool. but like dude. I don't have a problem with video games. I have a problem with lots of times how video games have been approached and used for a lot of young men. Because again, most of it is like, here's the dominion I can take in this fake world. Okay. Well, there's a real world out in front of you, and it's a lot harder to take well, it's a lot harder to succeed, but it's the same amount of like it's not hard to try to take dominion in in our world. Yeah. There is especially in such a capital like in America, predominantly, if you think about business as a dominion-taking venture. It's wide open here. Go ahead. do what you want. Actually, kind of funny. I saw an article flash up on my phone a couple days ago. That was some kid who's like 19 literally just made a business. Like he actually fully took it out into business form and was shim stuff. He made it in his in a garage in New York. 19 year old. 3D printing, like koozies for drinks. And apparently it's a big thing because I can't remember what the feature was. There was some kind of crazy feature. with the design. But yeah, how many times do you see that? 19 year old making a business in New York. Yeah, that seems like a tough well also I'm like garage in New York. I think it was in New Where are you? I think it was even in New York City too. Okay. It's like dang, okay. That's pretty cool. Yeah, so again, like Dominion is could be anything. Could be homework, could be chores, could be business, could be leadership of some some other kind, but I think the big the big thing is here, okay, so aggressiveness and assertiveness are not bugs. They're features, but how do you harness them and where where would we see those things show up? and I think school's a great one. Again, we've done a lot of stuff talking about students this year. And why not keep talking about it? I think students because everybody's bored. Hey, if everybody's bored, listen to Choice Man. We got good content. if you're a student and You're a dude, start thinking about school as a place to take dominion. Start trying to look at it through that lens. And I think you'll be surprised what you can come away with. So the school, like Avenger Classical School, supports some competition. We support competition in terms of sports, but we actually support academic competition as well. You, yeah, you should be again controlled, so not. Not I don't even know how you would do it academically, but beating other people up. But you should be looking to absolutely crush your competition at school. You should be looking to be the best student in that class. That's aggressiveness. People think that aggression only means being violent. That is not true. Aggression also can come through the type of work ethic you have. Or whatever it is. You should want to win. That that is aggressiveness. It's assertive to be like, no, I'm gonna get in here, I'm gonna do this work. Well, that or even being aggressive with your words is another is an is I think the other way that people see aggressiveness. True. just because like, wow, that was verbally beating other people up. Which, you know, is there I mean, there's a time and a place for that, and it's not typically in day-to-day conversations. Typically. Yeah, it's probably not 24-7 with your friends beating each other up. that is not. And that's a thing we've talked a lot about at our at our group. And I think that this is a good thing for people, parents in particular, to start thinking about listen to how your kids interact with their friends. I think that like in general for our community, if you're not from our community, I d I don't know. Go go look at it for your yeah, it could be different for you. I think in general for our community, we have a lot of grown men. So Dads of these of these kids who do a decent amount of playing around. Like at our house, we talk about big knives. We talk about words that are big knives. We talk about ways of talking with people. There are different size weapons with different levels of damage and also different levels of appropriate use per discussion time. the first place I ever really saw that really well was with Mr. Sarr, our headmaster. The first time I ever went to men to men, the way he talked at Men to Men was very different than the way he talked to the students during class. I was like, wow. Dang. This guy is crazy. And I was talking to my dad about that, and he's like, Well, the audience is different. I'm like, all right. Okay. So this is trying to teach a bunch of seventh graders how to read a book. Right. He is telling grown men that they need to behave in a different way. Okay. So I'm like, okay, this This is making more sense. I think we have a lot of grown men who treat each other poorly because they can handle it. Like the way they talk to each other is a lot of making fun of each other. It's a lot of jokes about one another, which again, to an extent, I think is great for guys to have some of that. Too much of that is really destructive to two guys. And especially when you're a young man trying to do that all the time with your friends. Because they all find it funny. Yeah, because they find it funny until somebody really doesn't find it funny, and then people will be like, okay, well that person needs to just not participate. No. It's not the time probably to have that kind of conversation. I think one of the like I was thinking about that a couple months ago. I like, you know, my dad and Mr. Star, who are both brothers, you know, who both are very connected to leadership things at the school. know, they're both doing big things. They're both fathers. They have kids who are grown up. Jonathan has a still a kindergartener, first grader. First grader maybe. First grade. Yeah. I don't know. Whatever Julia is. so like he's obviously got a younger kid, but like they don't treat each other like that all the time. Mm-hmm. Sometimes they'll have good banter. I'm like, Jonathan's got some really good one-liners. He's He's one of the best at it. But he does it at appropriate times with, certain kinds of conversations should happen at certain kinds of times. And I think our young men just kind of see their dads do it probably too much too, and then they say, we could do that too. Like we should we should act like that. That's tough. That's like it's like big adult things. And it's it's past the big adult things at this point. It's childish, but at a very high, dangerous level of childishness. So I really urge parents to like listen to how your kids talk to their friends. You don't want them to talk that way. I there's if you do, seek help. Well, and and another thing, cause I see like part of the question is what is the like what is the most important difference between a man who has killed his aggressive drive versus one who has harnessed it under the fruit of the spirit? Cause with this, it is super easy to well, I not for me. Because I'm not this way. I don't I don't like if I pick on people, it's because they actually did something stupid and I find it funny and they kind of find it funny. it it is a little bit of reading the room. But for other people, it is super easy to be aggressive towards someone who's not aggressive. And but what Sam meant by other people is me, not just kids. Although that is true. once upon a time. I still struggle with that. it's it is not like I because again I'm I'm louder. I wanna be more in people's faces most of the time. Like this this podcast is a outlet for me to not not not not like to vent just get all my emotions out, but it is it's a place for me to vent some my ideas to get some get some words out that I think are important. And that that actually does help me be less verbally very banter forward. Because I come from a family that's very banter forward because because that's how more of us are wired. Like me, me and my older sister, we are wired in a way where our kinds of discussion most people think we're fighting. Like if like if if at a dinner conversation, if we're kind of going back and forth, we're having an argument. Doesn't mean we're out of fellowship. Dang, settle down. You guys are going great. Yeah. And it's like, well, we actually, because again, right person, right context. I don't talk with my youngest sister like I do with Maggie because my youngest sister is very wired, wired so completely differently than Maggie. Our kind of conversation is a lot more reserved. Me and Maggie's conversations, not very reserved at all because we both are arguing our points, but we're not out of fellowship. So 'cause again, I'm not saying that all banter is bad. I'm not saying that all jokes are bad. But when it's twenty-four-seven, that's bad. And sometimes against the same people over and over. Because a big problem we saw was, yeah, aggressive or maybe not even necessarily aggressive guys, but like the the guys were using aggression towards some of the guys that weren't aggressive. And It works. While they could while they can take a lot of their aggress aggression that's towards them, while they could take a lot of it, there it gets to a point where they just can't take it anymore. Yeah. And we we s we saw that and we discussed the problem and you know it was fixed a little bit. But now some of the not aggressive I I see at least. Some of the non-aggressive guys are starting to be more aggressive towards the aggressive guys and even towards non-aggressive guys, which is It's a defense mechanism. In one way, yeah, a defense for sure. But in one way it is it is good because they're becoming a little more aggressive, which is great. Yeah. In some ways. But because they haven't because they're not really an aggressive person, they're very out of practice and they don't necessarily understand exactly how to be aggressive. Yeah. And that's one thing I n I do need to learn is when when to not hold back. Yeah. Cause I I don't like confrontation. Yeah. I don't I don't like confrontation. I mean I'd I'd rather have somebody confront me if I'm doing something bad. That's fine. I hate confronting other people if I see them doing something bad. And 'cause in one way I like to try to get out of it is like, okay, well, the thing is it's not my problem. It's their problem. And you know, they're old enough to know that they're doing it wrong and that they'll and like they'll probably fix it, right? 'Cause and like sometimes people are actually working on it and I might not have the full picture. But that's that's my way of trying to get out of it too. because the thing is, I I can be aggressive. I can be I have been aggressive before. It's just when and how aggressive? Yeah, I think Jordan Peterson and this this is more about physical like being dangerous. And Jordan Peterson, there's a guy who was like, so you're just assuming you're just saying that guy should be dangerous. You guys like you're saying guys should be violent. And he's like, no, you should have the capability to. So having the capability to do something violent, but holding back, that's real restraint. Just not having the like not having the ability to be violent, not having the ability to be aggressive, not having the ability to defend people, whether that's verbally or physically, you're you don't have to show restraint. That's not powerful. That's not heroic. Right. Heroic, real, masculine dudes are the guys who have the ability to be either verbally dangerous or physically dangerous, but I actually withhold that from most situations. So That's what it looks like to be harnessed is to actually have something to harness. Most most guys are just all the all one way or all the other. Yeah. And instead of, no, I have the capability to really do some crazy stuff. There's a let's see, do we have time for this little anecdote? Technically, no. So that's fine. We'll move on. so once again, like Harnessing things means you have to have something to harness. So learn how to be dangerous with your words in the right kind of way. Learn how to be dangerous physically, but like aggression, assertiveness are features. You should want to take dominion. You should want to win. That is aggressiveness, wanting to win, being competitive. All of those things are part of your nature. You're built that way. If you don't feel that, fix it. figure it out. you you have to get that. But don't take that out on everything. And when the game is over, the game being either a physical game or like you your homework assignment or whatever. Understand that if you lost, okay, you lost. Now don't be aggressive the rest of the time about that, right? Yeah. They're like, yeah, you're you're done being aggressive now. But also don't be a weak little sissy yeah whiny baby about it, like Because that's that's the other thing is well, holding your head high, you're aggressively fighting the urge now to be fussy. So aggression, you can be aggressively self-controlled. And you can have self-controlled aggression. Boom. Boom. Exactly. You guys are like, wow, didn't get any of that. That's fine. That was the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Okay, maybe you can get it. Maybe listen to it at half speed will sound like this. it's funny because if you if you're in a conversation and you are about to say something stupid, the slower and more intense you say it makes you sound smart. So it's like I almost just said the Sonora Desert Institute. Wow. But but still, but still, like you you kind of get my point though. but yeah, I mean that's that's one thing. So I guess for dad advice since we're wrapping up. you as a father need to read your kid in such a way that you understand, number one, do I need to help him amplify Or instill in him more aggression? D does he need to be more aggressive as a person? like if he if he's naturally a kid that wants to hang back, that that that could be a thing. or does my kid really need to chill out? Yeah. So you need to be able to read your kids in such a way to be able to do that. Yeah. Know the frame of your kid, understand them. That also helps you not provoke them to anger. That also helps, tailor you can help tailor the wisdom that you have to be able to give them. so yeah, hundred percent agree with that. All right, guys. It's gonna be it for episode seventy five. We are three quarters of the way now. Yeah. To 100 episodes. Once again, you might have seen this episode in episode 73, but we might have a goal of a triple digit number by the end of this year. Let you figure out what that is. We've got big stuff, we're trying to do some big stuff. Thank you for tuning in again. Like, subscribe, helps us out big time. Leave a comment. Let us know what you don't like. Let us know what you do like, let us know what you want to hear. Let us know who you want to see on the podcast. And you can leave comments anywhere, people YouTube, Facebook. Spotify. I will try to respond to them too. I think I replied to everybody who's ever put a comment on any of our stuff. so let us know. We want to know who you are, we want to know what you want to hear. So once again, thanks for listening. It's gonna do it for episode 75, and we'll catch you guys next time. Choice man signing off. Peace.