Mike Schneider: Welcome to the Two Dads One Mic podcast. name's Taylor, this is Mike and we are recording a second episode tonight. This is unexpected. It's very unexpected. Yes. That's the word for it, I guess. First things first, we always start off the show with a drink of the show. Mike, what do we have? We are hopped up currently on Hard Mountain Dew. This, we got it for the first episode we recorded tonight. And we said, fuck it, let's go. Let's drank. So, surprise surprise, we got lots of energy. Surprise surprise. Cause we're four Mountain Dews. Surprise surprise. We're four Hard Mountain Dews in. Yes. We're not tired. Actually quite wired. No way. Correct that bad boy's open. We got it going on. ⁓ that was a good sound. Cheers. Crack it. Also you can tell it's not that cold outside. Cause a pitzer pot is not running. ⁓ shit that's right we have not heard it at Well, we have one on the last episode. Yeah, that's right. That's right So all right, so tonight's topic of the show is we want to talk about marriage back yonder versus marriage now So essentially, you know marriages, know from the 1960s 70s, know before our time you're putting an exact time for fuck Yeah, fuck yeah, and you know compared to how modern marriage is different And so first things first. I want to kind of go into the topic of like what was It's gonna sound awful, but like what was like the household task man versus woman back then versus now And I want to say like back then, I feel like there was roles to find a little bit more. And compared to today where it's, you know, it's 50-50, right? That's why they call it a 50-50 split. And so like for back then, but the wife was like the traditional, you know, she was cooking, she was cleaning, she didn't have a job, she didn't do all of those things. So I guess my question for you, Mike, is like, you know, when you were growing up, you know, and I came from a divorced household, so I can't really talk about this very much. Like, what was the vibe from your parents and what did you kind of gather from that? Like, the rights, the wrongs, you know, that type of thing. So, the example I had, and the example I had pretty much throughout my whole life in every level of family, parents to grandparents to aunts and uncles, ⁓ was not, was the opposite of your experience. Sure, okay. Right, so my parents just celebrated 50 years. That's little, that's, Right, so that was a big to do and the more- Did they have a party? Yeah, we all went to a, like a barnaminium. They didn't want- Oh, so that was for that. Yeah, that was their celebration. That makes sense. They didn't want a huge party. Sure. They felt, and this is a little bit of me putting words in their mouth. They felt like their celebration of their marriage was best celebrated with their kids and grandkids. Not with all their friends. You get five minutes to say hi to this person. ⁓ see, and I'm all about the glitz and glamour over here. I always knew that about you. Yes, correct. I've thrown two surprise parties already. For yourself? No, for my wife and one for my mother. There you go. I'm not against a surprise party or anything like that either, but they felt like the celebration of their fifth years of marriage ⁓ was embodied in their kids all happily married and we have... There's a village amongst y'all. Yeah, so I have four, so four, eight, eleven grandkids they have. ⁓ So that's what they pictured as their perfect celebration was just spending time. Right? but to your question of what was it like, what was the vibe like? Was there traditional roles or was there more like kind of how modern marriages There was, but it was a little bit of a mix. Okay. Like my, there was a time where my mom stayed home, like took a leave from work. Sure. Right? Understandable. For a little bit of time. like that was like a lot of Well, you have a couple years where you got so many kids that would be in There's like a 10 year hiatus where parents, or moms would be like, oh, I'm going to stay at home, then I'm going go back to work and then figure it out. So it wasn't full out like my grandparents where... the man did the work and the woman did the house. So it was much more split and I think it was Like, yeah, my dad cut the grass and took care of lot of the stuff outside. He did the outside work. He did a lot of the outside work. That's how my wife and I are too, where it's like, will do the outside and she will do the inside unless there's mice in the house. So I get short end of the stick on that one, but it's fine. That's fair. That's reasonable. ⁓ But no, so it was, my parents, wasn't split. like everything is defined but like there were nights where my dad would cook i think there was one night a week where my dad would cook like wednesdays or tuesdays like that was his night that's his thing right my mom didn't care what happened she wasn't doing dinner then yeah perfect which is is fair like that's reasonable there was there was a split And I think that's a little bit of the model that me and my wife use. ⁓ Subconsciously is we take care of and we found is what works best for us is like she focuses on laundry and stuff like that. I take care of more of the dishes and like cleaning up the kitchen and that type of stuff. There's divided task. Yeah. You know, like I'm going to do this. You're going to do that. It's great. Totally. But it's not it's not like I come home and demand a meal on a or anything like that, It's much more of a team and that's how I viewed my parents as. Yeah, they had different roles, like they had different responsibilities, but it's at the point, so it's me and my two sisters. So they had three kids. You gotta divide and conquer at some point, right? You're playing zone defense. You're not. right. Well, and they had like a rental property that was ⁓ generating some income and stuff for them. And then when they had the opportunity to buy their cottage up north ⁓ from ⁓ my dad's parents estate. ⁓ to keep it from falling out of the family. They were in a position to do that and they did everything they could ⁓ to do that. And that was sacrifices from both of them in terms of how frugal they are and stuff like that. the biggest thing I remember and the biggest vibe I got was pulling in one direction, teamwork, like... We don't have to do everything together, but everything is going in the same direction. Yeah. Like we're rolling in the same. We're rolling the boat in the same straight line. Correct. Which I, know, being married now 15 plus years, like not that that's the absolute hardest thing to do. But it could very easily not be that way. Like it's easier to not be that way than to be that way. Right. Which is a little weird to say, but like it. I the only thing I had. was good examples growing up. all right. You saw a good marriage that's still good to this very day. You saw this is how they split up things, this is how they do things, and that's the learning experience, right? So from the opposite perspective, from my end, my parents divorced when I was 10. And it was just better off. They just were like, I don't like you, you don't like me. It's just better off this way. Now. On contrary, my mother is best friends with my dad's sister, so my aunt. And my dad and her talk, like, they're good, like, that's all great. ⁓ But, you know, they just felt like it was not. a fit due to some circumstances. And it's one of those where it's like, I learned a lot of like what not to do versus what to do. And I think that's what's made my marriage very strong is that like, I don't care about some of the little things, right? Where it's like, if she wants to go and do something or she wants to go in like... Enjoy life, go enjoy life. If she wants to leave for a week for work, well your kid just in the background. there's no rovirus, that's a little different. Which just happened. Right, correct. But reality is like... That's what's required of us, right? So like, I'm gonna be leaving at the end of this month and you know, she's gonna have to just figure it out. You know, like, and that's a, that's the teamwork. Exactly. Right. Exactly. And that's the same thing with me, how I had to deal with the neurovirus and like she had a very important trial and she had to go to it and that's what we had to do. You know, it's, it's the no questions asked. Oh, okay. Yeah. Right. Will I give her a shit for it? Of course. Well, yeah, we all gotta give her a little jab. here and there you know it makes her really get riled up but like at the same time all jokes aside it's one of those where it's like it's it's a 50-50 marriage for a reason right like you have to put 50 % of the effort in so the other person has to put 50 % of the effort in to get to the common goal right so I I also believe that that it's not stationary at 50-50 And what I mean by that is... this the twist? No, this isn't even the twist. Okay, okay. I just want to make sure I'm were talking beforehand. This is a topic that Heath threw out to me today and this is almost our... This is our second episode we're recording tonight. Yes, correct. Which is strange for us. We haven't done this... I don't think we've done this before. We're doing a really great job right we're up on Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew! We're coming at you like spider monkeys. Yep, exactly. But no, so I don't feel like it's always 50-50, nor does it need to be. There are some times where... half of the team, right? So if you're a team, you and your wife, me and my wife, we are not. I'm not his wife. gay couple. We support ⁓ it. A lot of people have asked us that. But we are not together. We are all for that. Like, we are all about that life. We have seven kids amongst each other, not together. I don't know that that makes it any more clear. Okay. Well, we're not. I married to a woman. He's also married to a woman. Now we're just sounding weird. We have children. Right. We have separate families. But our families often... are all in the same place. Yes, we live two doors away from each other. So what what I mean by it not being 50-50 is there are some points where Someone like half of the team has had a hard week or something big has come up, whether it's a work thing or a tragic life event where like. half of the team is literally just trying to figure out what's going on and whatnot. Where the other half is like, I got you. this week or this day or this time period I'm gonna do 75 % because because that's what's required right if we're gonna divvy it up by a hundred percent there are some times and I'm not saying that like ⁓ I give 75 and she gives 20 like that's not what I'm saying there's certain times and it it's it's The way I see it is it's variable it slides back and forth cut and it can be between hours in a day Like when in the morning when I'm at work, I'm just starting work My wife is getting four children ready, fed, and out the door along with herself to get to work on time. 100%. In my eyes towards a family, she is doing more than 50%. And I try to beat your wife to school every day. Thank you for finishing that statement and not stopping it halfway through. It is a competition between Taylor and my wife on who can get to school. I do occasionally text her separately and I talk shit. Just so you know. Is that all the time? Really? I love it. But it's usually like, I beat you. I just want to make sure you know this. Suck it. Yeah, but again, it's very few in between. It's like once or twice here and there. My wife is very efficient at getting out the door. She's honestly, God she I don't know how she's And I've told her that before where it's like, I am fucking impressed. I can't do it. Hell I can't get myself out the door quicker than she can get can't get these damn kids out of bed. Oh goodness. for the fact that she can do that. and do it very well that's fucking great. It is more helpful when I'm not there than when I'm there. If they got to get ready for school it's better than I'm not there. That's fair. Right. She's got it down. It's another so perfectly. You're almost a distraction. Yeah. the to things different. Right. Kids. The kids notice it. Right. Yeah. It's not like you're just you're just your dad. Right. But like, oh my God, it's dad. Yeah. My dad's here. That's cool. But but so so back to what I was getting at is that it's not always 50 50. Yeah. I agree. There are some times when. My wife is doing 75 % of the work. Yes. Or 90 % of the work. There are other times that I might be doing, know, remodeling a bathroom, remodeling a basement. Where she's on the kids. Drywall. Drywall. Don't ask Michael about his drywall. Or my studs. Or his They're nice and straight. These ones are normal. Or wallpaper. Don't ask him about wallpaper. your wife saw me get real angry the other day. She told me. That's why I texted was real bad. I was trying to get you riled up again. It was real bad. I was very angry at some wallpaper. It's working out, whatever. It's not to Mike's liking though. No, it's, I love the wallpaper. I hate how it looks and it's going to bug me every time I sit in there and shit. Just don't look at the wallpaper. I'll to close my eyes because it's very hard not to look at. eyes. So yeah, but I don't need to say anymore. I believe that yes, it's a 50-50. You're in this together, but it's not always split down the middle. No, of course. There are times where one person is doing more for the family, but it's never like a clear... Division right like you know my wife is getting my kids ready for our kids ready for school and getting them to school you know I'm at work making money right like So it's not like I'm not doing anything for the family. You're You're contributing in other aspects. In that moment, she is doing way more for the family. Yeah, thousand percent. Than I am. Right. Well, and I guess that's the thing, right? Where it's like you talk about the 75, 25, 50, 50, know, where I think, you know, there's going to be days where you're going to have to like do more. Right. And I think there's other and that's not like, ⁓ I'm keeping tracks or tabs on how much I'm doing versus because it should never be about that. No, you know, it should be like hey, what can I do to help more than what can I ⁓ this is what I did I did this right you didn't hold up your bargain correct exactly that and that's why I have a hard time saying it's 50-50 because if you look at it that, then it's like well I did my part I'm gonna stop here right well like that's not the continues with with or without the situation at hand. Yeah, you know, so like I think going back like my original question to you was like you know what what are the vibes like with your parents because you have parents that are have been married for that long you know it's it's one of those where it's like that that isn't easy right no where you know like I'm sure behind the scenes they fought and they've had their issues and whatever but like they've gotten through it yeah because they understand that there's a common goal here And you know, and so I think for me where it's like when you compare it to the modern day marriage, I think you can look at that and say it's a very similar aspect. You know, where it's like, okay. We decided, we decided to have kids, number one. And yes, is it hard? Fuck yeah, it's hard. It's like all you wanna do is just be able to have a conversation without having someone be like, mom, mom, dad, We literally are trying to plan out tomorrow. Yeah, absolutely. And we can't because kids are, I need this, Constantly up your ass about something. And again, but that's just kids being kids. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so I think from the modern-day marriage I think you you have a lot of people that are You have a, I split them into groups. And what I mean by that is like you have people like us, right, where we've been married for a decade plus. And then you have people that are like, well no, ⁓ I want the traditional marriage where the woman cooks and cleans. Well, the problem is, like, that narrative is no longer really existing to a point. Like, you know, there's people that I know that, abide by those situations. And that's on them. Like that's their thing. That's not me. That's not my marriage. can't speak on that. But at the same time, you know, I feel like that's small anomaly compared to what marriages are actually like. Yeah. To a point. I feel like the vast majority are shifting towards a kind of equal opportunity, ⁓ spreading out the the responsibilities. Yes, of course. To where like, you know, it's the old, you see clips online of people going around and asking, seeing a family walk down the street and they ask the dad, who's a teacher of your five year old? Like what's a teacher's name? what's, and they can't name the stuff. Right. And it's like, okay, well, I'm not saying I... I am as in tune as my wife is to that stuff. But man, like I just went over my kids math test, my five year old's math test, the first test scores he's gotten. And he's gotten as high grades as you can get. Right. You know, like I'm I'm not not paying attention to that stuff and and and helping with this stuff. But like I know. It isn't. I focus on other things at a higher rate than my wife does. know, a lot of the finances I take care of, like I'm doing a lot of that stuff. We're also trying to make sure that it's not like, okay, you got that, I don't need to think about it. Right. So as much as I take care of finances, we're also in a mindset and we're kind of shifting that mindset. Like we need to make sure she knows what's going on too. Cause if God forbid anything were to happen to me, which has been all too real in our lives in other situations, we need to... We need to both know what's going on at least. So it becomes harder to try to disperse yourself out. And that's where the whole 50-50 thing comes back to it. It's not necessarily 50-50 because it's like... You try to be a hundred and a hundred, right? Like if we could all take care of everything all the time together, that'd be great. Right. can't. ⁓ it's physically impossible. Yeah. So, but it's it. I think the the examples we've had in our life. Help us know that, okay, there's gonna be hard times. We can get through that. There's gonna be struggles. We can get through that. 100%. We're gonna disagree. We can get through that. And where I feel like some of the old time, I say old time, some of the older marriages, the ones from our grandparents' era, it was the man made the decision. you know, he did the work, did the things, but even still, the wife was making sure the house ran, make sure there's food on the table. Like, that's not a small thing. No, well, and that's where, like, I have, okay, so I have a set of grandparents, so it's my mom's dad and her stepmom, and they've been together for, like, before I was even born, so it's my grandma and grandpa. Okay. And... Like if my grandpa were to have passed, she would be completely lost. And that's not a dig. That's just like, he's done everything. He's done the bills He's done the, he worked. He, you know, he knows how to fix stuff. He knows like, can do everything. you know, and she's just kind of like, okay, we're going with the flow. And again, nothing wrong with that situation. But I think at the end of the day, like to your point, I think you have to look at this and say, if something were to happen to me or my wife, you know, in staying with you, where it's like, are we prepared for this to be, like, are we prepared for our future? Right? And, you know, that's where it's like, okay, well, we need to have those honest conversations. Like, okay, well, tell me everything. If you don't know, because there's some stuff, I'll be honest, there's some stuff where my wife just handles it and it's done. And I don't even think about it. And we joke about ⁓ running stuff by corporate, right? Of course. We gotta run scheduling by corporate, right? We joke about that stuff. ⁓ But there's a reason. But in my marriage, my wife does most of the planning of stuff and I have come to acknowledge far too late in our relationship that that's a ton of work. ⁓ yeah. Because I've tried to do some of it. Yeah. It's huge task. so when she's sitting on her phone trying to schedule stuff, like I'm sitting there like, ⁓ why? Like we could be talking right now. The kids are in bed. But like now I'm realizing like. ⁓ no, she's working on all this shit through the background. ⁓ Like that I'm not doing. ⁓ And it's one of those things like, okay, if I start asking questions, start scheduling this, start scheduling that, it's gonna complicate everything, right? So it's kind of like, on one hand, like, okay, let her do her thing. But also try to figure out, okay, what can I help with? Because... It is exhausting and that's something that I'm trying to improve on. is like getting, helping with some of those things that doesn't seem like a big deal, but it really, it's a lot of effort. So like, for example, childcare, right? You know, that's like one of the biggest things for my household where it's like, you know, we have to... In summer specifically, where it's like, okay, obviously like during the school year at school, you know, whatever, like if we have to stay home, one of us just stays home. But in summer, you know, like the kids will have, so our plan is that our two oldest will go to summer school and then they will go to the camp. They will go to the city's camp. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right departments. Yep. And But that they're gonna go together. You know, they're together. I don't worry about that You know, mean, that's an all-day event. No big deal. But like our youngest one. Okay. Well That's different right? we have to plan out her day. So For example, if there's a grandparent that can't watch our youngest. Mm-hmm. What's the solution? So I try to like help take like a hold of that because it's a very challenging task to be able to be like, okay, well, this grandparent can't do it because they have this going on or this grandparent's sick. So what's the solution? Do I have to stay home? That's not ideal because I have to work, right? So it's like I try to take that from my wife so that way she doesn't have to worry about it because it stresses her out. so I mean, again, it's one of those scenarios where You you try to pay a little bit closer attention to your surroundings. you know, does it always work out in your favor? Not necessarily. But I think at the end of the day, it's like, are you trying? Well, and that too, like... You'll try to figure something out and then you ask your wife 17,000 questions and she's like I could have just done this myself right like there's that awareness of trying to keep that ⁓ Awareness of yourself, I ⁓ to know like okay Sometimes it's better to just let Someone who is good at this and efficient at this handle it right but but to always be there to help ⁓ talk through it and work. How can I mitigate the situation? and how can I help? Because sometimes it's easier to just let one person handle it and then there's not three people on a text chain and whatever. yeah. But yeah, so like I don't. I wouldn't be able to function by myself. Like this family would not look well. Just this week with me having to deal with the norovirus and stuff by myself, I mean it was one of those where I was like, I was very appreciative of the fact that my wife was coming home on Friday, which was today. it's like you take sometimes I think as... married couple like most people will you know they I think the biggest thing is I think they try to like, you don't realize how important that person is sometimes to your day to day. And you know, so when you run into the situation that like I ran into, you know, you were like, ⁓ shit, like I don't know how. And I get, my mom was a single parent. like I gave her all of the credit in the world. And so single parents out there by all means, like you're doing a great job. ⁓ It, it, that's, that's something that I. Like I take for granted and every once in while I step back like man, I don't know If I were a single parent, I don't know that I'd be able to I don't know how everything would sure sure that makes sense So I think for for most people out there it's one of those situations where like when you look at the Your grandparents and when you look at you know younger couples I think things were different and I think there was expectations back then versus now where I think back then, when those individuals were growing up, you're looking at like me, mom, people and this is just what it was. Women didn't have the right to vote. ⁓ Men had all the decision making ability and that was just what it was. then obviously you have things such as women protesting the right to vote. you know once once that movement really kind of kicked in I think you have to look at it and say Modernization of marriage I think changed and I think that's a good thing I think that you you know, like like with my wife and I you know, we She's an attorney. She's a smart ass individual and like I was just explaining to Mike, know, like she She busts her she busted her ass to get to where she was. She graduated from Marquette University, you know, she Has been at her firm now for I don't know maybe a little bit over a decade But she's been an attorney for probably six years And she's two for two on her cases. You know she went to trial twice and she's won twice and so I like for that thing like where it's like I will support her in any aspect and I will do whatever I have to do to make sure that the house is in good order and I did 12 baskets baskets of laundry the other day just to make sure that we had clothes and we could change sheets because we were dealing with a ⁓ Yeah, so I was just explaining to the audience here like, you know the differences of ⁓ today versus essentially. ⁓ I was going through the fact of how my wife has, she's been working hard, she's an attorney, she's two for two and trying cases. ⁓ to do all of that and to make it so house stays in order, I had to do 12 baskets of laundry the other day, or this week. ⁓ And had to make sure the kids were fed. again, these are all parenting necessities, right? ⁓ These things that dads moms should be doing to make sure that the household is in order. so it's just one of those things where it's like back yonder, back yesterday, yesteryear, know like Meemaw and Peepaw, know, Peepaw was the decision maker. know, Meemaw stayed at home. And you know, then women had the, they were fighting, fighting for the right to vote. And it was one of those situations where I think that's when the modernization of marriage change for the good because it allowed me ma essentially to have a voice and what the day-to-day was all about yeah well and and I would so thinking about my my grandparents and they're they were married for yeah 75 plus years like they were they were they were the what you would think as the perfect like oh you know the perfect marriage all you know whatever but that doesn't mean they're there weren't rocky points you know and and I think the the marriage of that generation our generation would look at it and be like, wow, that was very lopsided or like this, like how, how, how was that equal? How was that even? Yeah. And. But it didn't like it wasn't an option to. For them to like not. not be full in, not be part of that, right? Right. Because, well, Grandpa was making the decisions and doing the labor and all that stuff. Grandma was in the house. ⁓ she was taking care of the kids, getting them lined up and everything like that. Who's not to say that grandma wasn't running the house from the get go and convincing. I think it was just the public perception of what that looked like. Because again, in today's society, you have this as the stay at home parent. And I think that's the big thing you see on TikTok and everything else. was like stay at home mom, blah, stay at home dad, blah. And they're trying to do this. That is a full-time job. For sure. you know like cleaning the house, cooking the meals, picking up the kids, carting the kids from place to place. Like that is a full-time job and I commemorate those individuals for doing that. you know, my wife and I have talked about it where it's like, maybe I need to stay at home. once she becomes a partner at her law firm. But again, I'm thinking to myself, is that something I want to do? But again, the stay at home aspect of that is like, I'm tired as hell coming home every day. You happen to do dishes or like cook or like do whatever and my wife does majority of the cooking but every once in a blue moon I'll cook something. Yeah, or like she'll send me a recipe. I'll cook it and ⁓ But like again, 12 baskets of laundry by myself. like and my wife had to do that. That's a shit ton of laundry. Yeah, oh, that's a shit ton of laundry. You know what I mean? So no matter who does it. Exactly. Exactly. So I think, you know, at the end of the day, kind of going back to your point about meemaw and peepaw out here, you know, like me, I was running the house. Yeah, like people foundation. He was just a guest in the house just about you know what mean? And but again, it was the public perception of well, no, she's just she's just that she's just a woman Yeah versus he's he's the man and but again, I would say I would argue against that and say well No, she is the reason that shit she she's a woman exactly She's doing everything she's doing that the shit that you like that needs to get done. Yeah on a daily basis And so, know, for all the, again, for all the stay-at-home moms or even the moms in general that work or whatever, you know, it's a tough task to handle. It is. And there's a balance nowadays with moms, more moms not being stay-at-home moms, right? ⁓ That balance of like, where do I... come home with enough energy. I have 100%. To spend quality time with my kids and then like we're in a stage where. You know, we're dropping one or two or three kids off at certain activities throughout the day so that like we get home and slam dinner. We can't even make a good dinner. No, like a good if chicken nuggets, if we're lucky, we got time to to warm up chicken nuggets for 'em Yeah, like there's times we're having cold sandwiches because that's all the time we got. Right. ⁓ And balance that that. balancing act that so many mothers do right like Because their natural instinct is to want to be with the kids. At least my wife, like, she, all she wanted is to be with the kids. ⁓ believe me, like, when my wife got home today for being gone for a week, the kids didn't want nothing to do with me. Yeah. And I get it. Well, you're an asshole. Well, I mean, that too. But no, but I mean, all jokes aside, it's like, it's, you know, they wanted nothing to do with me, because again, like, that's mom. Mom is the... She can do everything, right? She can make me food. She can help me out in homework. She can do all of the things. She literally created me. Right. Well, that's the other thing, right? That's a whole other topic where it's like she literally had to go through, you know, making you, right? For you to be here. She grew you and then can sustain your life. Right. for the first part of your life, right? Like, it's just amazing. Who knew the marriage topic would get onto a, like, us talking up our wives? Well, and wives in general, moms in general. You're welcome. Just kidding, no. But for real, I mean, no, honestly, yes, I agree. Like, it's one of those where- It needs to be said. Well, it needs, right, and I think, you know, like, is marriage frustrating? Of course. Like, no matter what. Like, is every week a good week? Not necessarily. But it's what you do with the good days that outweighs the bad days. You know what mean? Well, and it's the old adage of anything What is it anything? Worth it is hard. Yeah Anything worth it isn't easy and every anything easy isn't worth it like marriage and and being in love isn't necessarily just a feeling, right? Continuing to stay in love with your wife, the mother of your children. That's a choice. That's a dedication almost. you need to choose to stay that way. 100%. Right? Like that's not just a like, ⁓ I fell in love with one day and that's it. throughout the years and through the, because it's ever changing. There's new challenges every single day that you didn't know were coming. No. And Whether it's, man, I'm exhausted, I'm physically beat, know, my job beat me up today, but I still gotta move around and play with the kids and do that stuff to like, ⁓ you know, my wife's a teacher, you know, like she hangs around kids all day. There's some days where her kids at school are rough and she's like, I want nothing to do with any kids today. No. Be gone. Yeah. Well, especially, especially your wife being a teacher. Yeah. You know, I mean, she's literally she's dealing with kids. She's surrounded all day. 24 hours. And like the over simulation part of this where, know, you're talking and you're like, oh my God, I'm fucking vibrating because they like the kids are like, mom, dad, mom, dad, dad, dad. It's like, fuck. Yeah, and it's great and again like they're just being kids and that's the thing which you gotta remember is like they're just being kids And I get like life is hard and shit hitting the fan in your life. I am vibrating right now. Mm-hmm, but At the end of the day, it's one of those where it's like, they always say the actual work happens when you leave work and come home. work is more of a vacation. Right, exactly. You're the shit we got to do every day. You're you're gone from your kids for eight hours a day. Right? Or more. Or more. And essentially, like, you only get to see your kids a few hours a day. Yep. Literally, and that's all it is. And so for when you come home and you're frustrated and you look you have the right to be frustrated, right? You have the right to be like, I just had a crappy day, like whatever. But again, that's not your kid's fault. And it's just like, how do you... It's a very hard thing to manage. To be like, I gotta split my situation up. My day was hard at work, but my kids had a great day and I need to make sure that they continue to have a great day. Well, and I think that's where in today's marriages, one of the main differences is... that acknowledgement of having a tough day and needing a minute. Right. Goes both ways. Yeah, 100%. 100%. Okay. Part of the, you know, meemaw and Pee Paw. Pee Paw. Yeah. You know, Pee Paw would come home, had a shitty day. and he's just an asshole the rest of the night, right? Like that's it. To everybody, Like in some ways, and there's gonna be people that disagree with this, but to be in touch with your emotions enough and with your, how you're acting outwardly, it's almost more, more manly to acknowledge in my eyes. Yeah. This is my opinion. And if you disagree with it, that's great. Let's talk about it. But like it's more it's it's harder for me to acknowledge how I'm feeling and say, all right, this is not my kid's fault. This is not my wife's fault. I need to not just put on a smiley face and be all happy and cheery, but to come and say, I had a bad day. I'm trying my best to like flip it around. I gotta get my shit together. I'm trying and I'll have that conversation. I'll snap at a kid, you know, for doing something minuscule, you know? And my wife has helped me. Realize when that when that is occuring anger is coming out in a way that isn't fair Yeah, right like and that's that's where like the 50-50 thing comes back into play is that like I She sees it before I do she knows me better than I do yeah, she can tell when something's up with me Before I of course acknowledge it. I might know what's up. She's bought it. You've been together long enough where it's hey You're gonna be an asshole today. And I need you to not be an asshole today. And usually that's all the acknowledgement that I need. Like, okay, yeah, you're right. I'm being a little much right now. Give me five minutes, I'll be back. I just need to take a deep breath, reset. And that's kind of what we try to teach our kids too. Like it's okay to feel the feelings. It's okay to be frustrated. It's okay to be mad, all that stuff. But to have those conversations, it seems like is... Is there more intellectual, intellectually challenging than just burying them, which I normally do and like moving on. Yeah. Right. Which I feel like that was a big part of the older generations. Right. Meemaw and P-Paw's generation of, nope. I'm just gonna bury that. I'm not gonna talk about it. complete dick. Right? Alright, I gotta check the audio. Speak to the audience. ⁓ So, ⁓ the... This is gonna sound like, like a rant a little bit. ⁓ But like I've had, like I said before, I've had a lot of good examples of what to do and how to be, how to act, how to overcome, how to ⁓ love, how to share, how to talk, how to all those things in other examples. And it's never... what I'm learning as I'm 15 plus years married and and whatnot and kind of thinking about this stuff of how it used to be how it is now you know it's one of those if you're willing to learn and willing to change and willing to be honest with yourself that's that's the most important part nothing's gonna last if it's so one-sided or so split up that, I don't do the laundry. So there's just gonna be heaps of laundry laying, right? like, me and my wife have kind of divvied up our chores, I guess, is the easier way. It's what works best for us. I do. 95 maybe more ⁓ percent of the cooking ⁓ and then just kind of take that into cleaning the kitchen too because I hate doing laundry. Now does that mean that I don't ever do laundry? No, like I'll do a load here I'll fold the audio is good by the way. ⁓ thank you. I'll fold clothes when I need to I'll help the kids put them away all that stuff like it's not a not a direct, well, that's your problem. You're on your own. I'm gonna sit on my butt. Well, you are folding clothes and working tirelessly to do this, do that. Because there's always more to do. There's always one more thing I could do. The other side of that is my wife is helping me realize that... there's always more to do. 100%. Right? And I say that, the same words, but the other tone of that is there's always gonna be something to do. And I'm always like, fuck you bitch. Just kidding. Totally. I hear you say that all the ⁓ time. Just joking. Just joking. But I have a problem where if I feel like something needs to get done, I won't sleep. I will do it. I will stay up till three in the morning and then get up at four in the morning to go to work. Like this podcast right now. Like this podcast right now currently as we talk. But no, like my wife has helped me realize that I don't like my decision making and like mental functionality is shit when I don't get sleep. Right? Just like right now. Just like right now. But like I when I go weeks without. a good night's sleep. I'm talking weeks where I got four hours of sleep, maybe, a night. It's happened. And that's so prevalent when you have a newborn. You don't get good sleep for a long time. We have a of friends that are a bunch of newborns right now. You know the neighbor up the street from us? Yeah. He doesn't want to come out and play anymore. Yeah, I mean I kind of because the last time he came out and played His wife said we have fucked up she thought was hilarious though. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got it So, so essentially story time quick so sidebar the sidebar so there was four of us dads We went out to Luxe and then we ended up drinking a lot there and we up coming back to our house and we drinking some more and we like we apparently we fucking went through like a tornado warning that night we legit sat on the patio watching yeah and my house and we then we it rained we went to my garage we drank some more and then the neighbor dad that we're talking about was puking the next morning and his wife was like what'd do to my husband she goes he's puking it's hilarious and I'm like well we got fucked up and we're like what the problem is right we're like we're here we come out so we're all good anyways so that was a night the neighbor called the cops on ⁓ I don't know we've you actually which your house. Yeah, we don't need to to dive will that save that for another? Another episode that could be a whole topic in and of itself neighborly responsibility never never wars Are you ready for my twist that I have? We haven't ⁓ to that shit, right do it. So this mofo text me today I said, we recording tonight because he's had a week. I was like, I understand if you don't want to record, I get it. And he's like, no, I need to get the fuck up out of this house. The fuck. Right. I said, all right. So what are our topics? He's like, all right, give me a second. He sends me a handful of topics, all of which we'll probably do at some point. One of them was this marriage topic. old versus new or old time versus new time i forget exactly how you worded it but like and my immediate thought was all right memaw and peepaw's generation our parents generation versus us right The other flip side that I thought of was marriage as newlyweds versus current. ⁓ shit, I made him get out the water. on. He's taking a sip of water for this shit. No, sorry. That was, I wasn't sure which way it was. I'm pretty sure I thought I knew what you were meaning by that, but I was like, ⁓ no, this could be both ways. This is both ways. So your choice is newlyweds versus now, correct? In your relationship. Okay. So how is it different from... when you first got married, first couple years, whatever, before kids, however you want to dictate that. So my wife and I, are high school sweethearts as you are for yours. Yes. It is sunshine and unicorns when you are dating, right? It's like, ⁓ my God, this chick's like, she's the shit, like I like her. Like, you know, we are like, we are horned up, all right? Amongst each other. And you know, like we're like, yeah, we're making out in the hallway. We're like doing whatever nasty thing you got to do. But then you get married, right? like nasty things you got to do. You got to do. You got to OK, I do the do. You know what I'm saying? Mountain Dew Mountain Dew. Hit us up. Hit us up. the do. Do the do. Anyways, so. But then you get married, right? And so, like, for example, and all the wheels fall off. Well, not right away. Not right away. So you get married and things are great. Like you still have the butterflies, you're like, okay, this is the chick. Like I'm gonna marry her forever. But then life gets complicated. And I think that's where you look at it and well, what's complicated about it, right? Well, there's a lot of shit complicated. When to have kids. Like, what's your current job status? know, can you afford to buy a house? Can you, you know, are you, do you want to go out with your friends? You know, how often do you want to go out with your friends? You know, there's a lot of things that start to happen. And so like, for example, you know, like when we, my wife and I, we got married, we'd been together forever, right? You know, we've been together for 15 years, been married 10. And just like obviously like yourself and so except a couple more exactly right cuz you're old so So but but no but it means reality is it's like okay So you you don't have any kids you go out your and my wife and I we used to party together all the time Like we'd go out to the bars. We you know, we used to live from up the street from Wentz Your guys old stomping ground. Yep. and that used to be our parts. All right people. Yep We knew the weight the weight We knew the owner like I was serving food at one point like it got to that point Yeah, and so we would stumble home every weekend. We go three days a week. It means Friday Saturday Sunday. and But then we were like, okay. Well, let's we need to start having kids, right? So we moved from the apartment to the house. That puts a damper on shit. Well, honest to God, right? And so we moved to an apartment to a house about a year or two later. Again, we got married and then we decided that we wanted to have our firstborn. And okay, so you have your firstborn. Well. the situation is that you know you don't know what you're doing no right no way so now you're mad because you're you're because this child or this this infant is you don't know how to console it yep yeah you went all the you went to all the classes that's great but at the end of the day nothing can prepare you nothing can prepare yeah exactly and but again like You get through it and the first born goes and they get older and then things get great. But then you think about the reward and that's where all this comes in, is the reward of the work that you two put in together. Like for example, like, you know when the child potty trains for the first time well that shit didn't happen No, you guys fucking did that shit. That shit just happened Well on a slide right on the couch right on a chair, right? in their pants, but it was it was the work that you that you both put in to get to that point and so, know when it comes down to it like You don't have time to always go date right and I and know for me like i've always I've always tried, again, tried is the key word here. I've always tried to make a conscious effort to try to plan dates. And again, it might be once every so many months, right? But I try to do that because it's important in your marriage. You know what I mean? Because you lose track of who you are as a couple. And it's important that you keep it on the track because you're on the same team and you built this life together and you need to get the track to the station or the train to the station. so, you know, it, but again, what is the station in this metaphor? Well, that's a question. So the station is metaphor is to make sure that these kids grow up to be good people. Right that these kids grow up to make sure that they are You know as as successful as they physically can be in life Because you did that You and your wife worked that hard. We did that. You know what I mean? You sat there and you did all the homework. You sat there and you did all the fucking bullshit for school. You did all that stuff. essentially... You watch your kids snap a... boat in half and throw it at the wall right after it didn't fit down the track. did that. ⁓ did that. But again ⁓ those are the those are the things that will ⁓ Once it's all said and done, you'll be like, you know what, we did what we were supposed to do as parents. But we did this because we had a plan. And that plan was to make sure that we could have kids, we could grow up, and we could get old together, and do the thing that you're supposed to do. And it's hard. It really is hard. It's very hard. So I'll shut up now. And anyone who says it's just rainbows and butterflies and easy is a That's 100%. If you don't fight. Again, this is one of those situations where it's like if you don't fight, that's not a healthy thing. Because you're gonna have arguments. You're gonna be like, you're fucking dumb. Right? Not in that context, but you get what I'm saying. No, and there's a certain point where you almost know your partner so well that you know what they're gonna say. 100%. To whatever you say. Like at some point you just say, whatever. This is where we're at, whatever. Right. I think as newlyweds, the biggest difference is once you get a couple years into it and maybe start having kids or whatever, I think the biggest difference is your recognition and thought of the long game. Right? As newlyweds, aren't necessarily thinking like you're still in that honeymoon phase. You're excited buying a house or getting your apartment or a condo or whatever it is. Right. And you aren't necessarily at least I wasn't necessarily thinking about the long game I wasn't thinking about being married for for 50 years. Right. When I first got ⁓ and nor do I think about it much now. But like You have to have that goal in mind. 100%. You're okay, today was hard. Yeah. But in the grand scheme of things, I love my wife. My wife loves me. Of course. We love our kids. Like that's the important part. Sometimes like we were talking earlier with you this week, sometimes all you have to do is survive that day. You survive that week. Survive that turmoil, that hurdle in your life that comes up. All you have to do, all you can do is survive that. Yeah. And once you get through your... your toughness, your ability to cope, your love for one another, it just keeps notching up. That love gets deeper and whatnot. Like those old, know, meemaw and peepaw that have been married forever. you ask him the secret and it's like well the guy always says a happy wife is a happy life. But it's not, it's very like on the surface. you know there was a lot of years that went into him learning what makes the wife tick, makes, you know, all that stuff, right? So, I like the discussion of... What marriage was back in the day what it is now because because I think it's changed ⁓ a very large amount ⁓ And I'm here for it yeah, like it's it's it's also like I don't, if my wife is working a full-time job just like I am, why should... be the only one taking off work? No. You know, like why is she the first one to offer to go pick up a sick kid and all that stuff? And that's something that through the years, like that wasn't always a given to me, you know, like it was a lot of times, ⁓ well, so and so sick. And then as well as well, I can't miss work. Well, it's like, no, dumbass. There's nothing at work. Like I'm completely on the other side of the fence on that. Like there's nothing at work. They will replace you. So fucking quick. So quick. It doesn't matter. Right. I if I died, they would replace me before. Oh yeah. My obituary before you were even buried in the ground. Right. So I'm at the point now and I understand so many other old guys that that I've worked with. They're like, Work is work. It's like, oh, you know, as young you're trying to work up the ladder and work up your... You're trying to prove a point. Oh, I'm dedicated. I'm all this stuff. It's like, well, at this point, I'm... I hold someone who is more dedicated to their family than work at a higher regard than someone who is dedicated to the work as opposed to family. Yeah, agreed. And I think that's a big... that's the biggest shift generationally that... Happen a marriage. Yeah, and I'm here for it. Yeah And that's that yeah, I think that's a great way to end this to be honest. Do you yeah? ⁓ Do we do we want a venture into a Wisconsin or no, it can you pull one out of your hat? Wisconsin or no, hey, do you have one? might have one. might have one. Do you have one? ⁓ If you cannot find one quickly, I do have an option for us. So but you you look quick. I'm looking. ⁓ I have for you. Yes. I have some laws here Law and Order SVU Mariska Harderj All right, so Wisconsin or no? yeah. Is this a Wisconsin law or no? Let's see. Err There's a strange law that... law on the books that prohibits people from... this is a very weird way to put this... molesting any muskrat houses. Muskrat feeding houses or beaver dams. That's right. You read that correctly. It is illegal to mess with these furry critters' homes. Did you say molest? that? That is how it is written. ⁓ really? That is not Wisconsin. That's false. It is? ⁓ Also, you answered that wrong. What do mean? ⁓ sorry. It's er- er- no. Er- er- no. Dammit. I Think you should have four of them because I had four of my last. Okay. All right, so I'll do four. In this state, okay it is Against the law to serve Colored margarine in a restaurant unless the customer specifically asks for it Next one. I will destroy it. Alright. Yes. Who would have thought tying an alligator to a fire hydrant is against ain't no alligator or no. If this is a yes, ⁓ we're ending this right now. Alright. It's been nice. Is it really? Peace. Is it really Wisconsin? Yeah. This is how reads. ⁓ Who would have thought that tying an alligator to a fire hydrant is against the law in Wisconsin? Yes, you heard it right. Whoever tried to attempt such bizarre thing in the state would have to face the consequences. So if you come across an alligator during your Wisconsin trip, please do not think about securing it to a fire hydrant or might end up facing the law. There's no fucking alligators in Wisconsin. There's been a couple. People have released them. Well, they shouldn't. Anyways, continue. Alright, last one. Uh-huh. It is illegal in this state to sound your vehicle's horn needlessly or unreasonably. er no. All Wisconsin? They were all Wisconsin. God damn it. I just Google searched 10 strange Wisconsin laws. This is where it up. Alright, there you go. That's our session of Wisconsin. Don't tie up your alligator to a fire Right, exactly. So Mike, I actually did hear that you have awesome deal on some sunflower seeds? Only if you like 10 % off. What? Says Christopher. That's a steal of a deal. That's a steal for the best sunflower seeds you ever put in your mouth. Put it in your mouth. Put it in your mouth. They're awesome. They're made by smacking. Okay. How many flavors does smacking have? you know? A ton. A ton. Is it over like 20? I bet you it's over 20 by now. actually hear that their churros are pretty good. The churro... They don't make actual churros, but the sunflower seeds that taste like churros are amazing. They have a maple brown sugar that's to die for. I have like a morning seed and an afternoon seed. Cheddar jalapeno is like my afternoon seed. Is it so good that it's gonna make me wanna smack your mama? Yeah. Alright. You smack your mama. Smack your mama. Alright. Maybe your grandmama. Maybe meemaw. Meemaw. Maybe meemaw's getting smacked because the smacking is so good. I Could take that down a different road too, but I'm not going to So so yeah, we have a 10 % off Link right here right here We'll put it in the comments or somewhere in the description here YouTube on whatever site Spotify whatever You can always, ⁓ if you need that site or that link, it is www.smackin.com. That's smackin sunflower seeds. Smacking sunflower seeds. Yep. That's only once. just repeated that unnecessarily. This is greatest advertisement ever. ⁓ Smackin Sunflower Seeds dot com forward slash two dads one mic. That is the the number two D a DS the number one ⁓ I see And they're so good. They're gonna make me want to smack your mama Yeah, not my mama your mama the correct or whoever's mama, right? So hit that up I'll put that that link somewhere either on the video here, I'll put it up here on the video. I don't know if I'll be able to get it to be a link or not, but we'll figure it out. We'll do that and then we'll put it on the comments. If nothing else, it'll be in the comments. Yes, exactly. So on that note, thank you for joining us on the Two Dads, One Mike podcast. My name is Taylor. That's Mike. Peace.