Annie Muller: Welcome the third season of the Mighty's Are Called podcast, now called Fiat in the Mess. My name is Annie Muller and I'm joined by our newest co-host, Hailey Skinner. Welcome, Hailey. How are you?

Hailey Skinner: Thank you Annie, I'm doing so great. I'm so blessed to be here and excited to get started with the show, especially on the Feast of the Annunciation. Happy Feast Day!

Annie Muller: Happy feast day to you. I love that the Lord gives us these feast days in the middle of Lent. It's always a nice reprieve and remembrance that even though we're in Lent, Christ is resurrected and there's things to celebrate still. So I appreciate that the Lord gives us those little glimpses of heaven, even when we're in the desert. Isn't it nice? I know my kids, of course, are always very excited. Like, is it a feast day? Like, can we watch something anyway? Well, so I am so excited that you're here. And as you can see, we have video now. So our first two seasons, we were just audio. We're branching out into the world of video podcasting, which Hailey and I are both just a little nervous about. But we know it'll be fine. I wanted to talk a little bit about why we changed the name of the podcast and what the Lord's been doing as we've been preparing this third season. when we were ⁓ considering the word fiat just kept coming up. And as Hailey and I were preparing, we realized that the Annunciation was very close. And so we thought, wouldn't that be awesome if we could start with the Annunciation and walk with I love that distinction because He is wholly not just that we are His, but He longs for us. to that ownership of Him being ours ⁓ that it's really that simple that because when I think particularly like the season you're in Hailey, you're not getting many silent retreats anymore. ⁓ you here ⁓ your life looks very different than it did three years ago. So sometimes that can be really discouraging as a mom and feeling like we're failing or we're missing out on something. But recognizing that no, no, this Mary through her pregnancy. So Hailey that that was actually something the Holy Spirit said to you. So do you want to say anything about that? What how that kind of came about?

Hailey Skinner: Yeah, I thought it would be really neat as we were discussing when we would launch and what the name would be. seemed like everything ⁓ falling into place ⁓ begin on the Feast of the Annunciation with Mary's yes to God, with her pregnancy. then we were talking about our season ending in December and I thought, wow, that's Christmas. So why not journey with Mother Mary through her pregnancy, the very journey that all of us mothers ⁓

Annie Muller: is your prayer, this giving yourself wholly to God and being wholly His and it's as simple as uttering that fiat throughout the day. Let it be done. it be done.

Hailey Skinner: It reminds me of something that a dear friend of mine tells often that you are ⁓ the mother these children were meant to have and that these children are the children you were meant to have and somehow in God's mysterious plan you were placed together to become saints together. And ⁓ so the then before us is to receive the gift of our children in their particularities and that begins by receiving ⁓ started our motherhood journey on as Perhaps not all of us have been pregnant. Maybe there are some adoptive mothers or mothers who haven't pregnancy, but ⁓ at least can all relate to that beginning relationship with a child in their smallest form. And so we get to journey with Mother Mary through ⁓ March to the gift of ourselves, recognizing ourselves as the gift meant to bless our children as their mother and to journey with them to Christ. I just think that that is such a helpful reminder and that starts with, as you're saying, receiving God fully mine. And then that reminds me of my identity as His. That reminds me of my children's ⁓ as God's children to be given back to Him. December. So I love what you're saying. I love what we're doing. I can't wait to continue this journey with you next week.

Annie Muller: Me too. Yeah, that's a whole series of episodes there. Like, it's not just that you were called to motherhood. You're called to be these children's mother. This one else ⁓ do a better job or God would have given them to someone else and He didn't. ⁓ what all of that entails, you know. So well, we are so glad that you all joined us today. Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed the episode, please like ⁓ share all those things. ⁓

Hailey Skinner: So any mother can tell you that having and raising children is a very messy work. And we hope that your mothering is not always a mess, we know we experience every day that we do live in a fallen and sinful and messy world. And so that that we ourselves, myself included, my children included, we are fallen and and messy too.

Annie Muller: can join the mission of Mighty Is Her Call by going to our website, Mighty Is Her Call dot com, subscribe to get our emails, subscribe to find out about when a retreat is coming to area. That's something we'll talk about here too, when we have a retreat coming up or registration opens, we'll be sure to announce that on the podcast as well. And stay tuned. Our next episode will actually just be a week from today because we want to dive into Holy Week and give us some things to consider as Yeah, exactly. So then the task for all Catholic mothers is that we have to give our fiat in the mess. We have to surrender wherever we are. Whatever is going on. There's opportunities really all day long, particularly in the season that that you're in, Hailey, to just keep surrendering. So before we go too much further into just that theme, I thought for those of new listeners, I reintroduce myself and then, of course, everyone needs head into the Tritium to get to know you, Hailey. So for those who are new or have forgotten, Annie Muller. I the retreat coordinator ⁓ for is Her Call. I do a lot in programming. So as far creating packages for retreats and then the nuts and bolts of getting a retreat into a parish ⁓ and creating programming for that. I've been with Mighty is Her Call five years now. Thank you so much for joining and next time, keep giving God your fiat in the mess. We'll see next insane to me that it's gone that quickly. This is my fifth year. And I came to the ministry when I was having a bit of an identity fiat crisis because my youngest was going to kindergarten. And I was like, what am I supposed to do now? So I it was actually he was had been in school. But either way, I was looking for the next chapter ⁓ and next phase of my motherhood. So I have seven children. ranging in age from 30 to 13. I have three beautiful grandchildren and another one coming. So this is by far... Well, it's a beautiful season. tell all the young moms just hang in there. It's really worth it. So the grandchildren are like this beautiful icing on the cake. They're such a gift. It's really hard to all you grandmothers out there. I know, you know, you you think you're prepared for how much you're going to love them and then it's crazy. So very, very grateful for this season and. When we were discerning a new season, team and I, we were basically saying we really need we need a woman in the season of in the trenches, is we call it. So ⁓ I remember very well. I can be very real and relatable about what I know it's to be raising littles, but I'm pretty far removed from it at this point. And so we were praying that the Lord would us someone who was in that season, who would be crazy enough to take the time to put a podcast together. And Hailey said yes, she gave us her fiat. So Hailey, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?

Hailey Skinner: Thank you Annie. I am crazy enough and so happy to be here. Thank you for having me. I am a mother of two littles, so I have a two and a half year old son and a nine month old daughter. They are my joy, my biggest work. I get to stay home and raise them ⁓ and is such a joy. It's kind of a new season being a stay at home mom for me. ⁓ I've married for four years, but our journey to this point has been kind of crazy. So I'd love to share a little bit about that journey.

Annie Muller: Yeah, please. love it. Your story is awesome. Yeah. ⁓

Hailey Skinner: ⁓ Thank you. So I'm originally from Louisiana, born into a wonderful, faithful Catholic family. My dad was an OB-GYN ⁓ my mom was a psychologist who volunteered for a pro-life pregnancy center my whole childhood. ⁓ they, my parents left a lasting impact on my life. wanting to work in pro-life work and especially my dad, he passed away when I was young and he's the greatest father I could have asked for and really ⁓ me with a conviction to ⁓ the unborn, to serve mothers, to fight to defend the family. So I went on to study Catholic theology at the University of Dallas and write my senior thesis on Catholic marriage or the sacramentality of Christian marriage and I met my husband ⁓ as officers in the Pro-Life Club. were working on lots of projects together, praying outside of abortion clinics, and became really great friends bonding over this ⁓ life-saving, work. And then we started doing projects is we liked to joke. And ⁓ yeah, the rest is ⁓

Annie Muller: The rest is history.

Hailey Skinner: So we got married the summer after I graduated from college and Two weeks after our wedding, up and moved to Rome, Italy, where we became the residential coordinators for the University of Dallas Rome program. So newlywed in a foreign country, all of a sudden in charge of the well-being of 100 college students. It was absolutely incredible and terrifying We were both RCs for that first year, but within three or four months I became pregnant with my son. I'll share more about that experience a little bit later. I had him ⁓ a year after we moved there and Beautifully this this journey is what I believe led me here to doing the podcast with you. Dr Kathryn Rombs the foundress of Mighty is Her Call Her was my boss. And so Kathryn and they kind of took us under their wing and their family was very supportive of us Kathryn gave me her book. If you haven't read it, I would love to put in a plug ⁓ Maybe we can attach a in the show notes to her book

Annie Muller: Absolutely, we will. Yeah. Yeah.

Hailey Skinner: Motherhood an Extraordinary Vocation. is stunning. ⁓ Really blessed me, especially being away from my community and my family. the work of Mighty is Her Call. This blog really blessed me is a resource to ⁓ go to. She also invited to become a contributing writer for the blog. So if you're interested, ⁓ you're welcome to go and check some of my posts. ⁓

Annie Muller: Yes, please. Yeah.

Hailey Skinner: So while we were in Rome, I feel like that two years really set up the kind of the spirit of our family. We on pilgrimage all the time, traveling. My son was never Nap time was never in the crib. Nap time was on a taxi or on a ferry or on the bus or with a student. We were just on the go all the time. And it really gave us this visual for what family life is. This home that we're trying to build on earth is not our permanent home. It's very temporary. And so those two years abroad really gave us a sense for that. And just the spirit of like epic mission being sent out two by two as the hands and feet of Christ in the world. And a little missionary family. So that was an incredible experience. We came home with a one year old ⁓ and moved to Louisiana to be with family. But God quickly called us to Dallas where my husband's family is from. His grandmother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. ⁓ last October and well two Octobers just ago and I want to share briefly this story of how this happened. It's very connected to my motherhood journey. We were in Dallas for my sister-in-law's baby shower. And that was the same weekend that the cancer diagnosis happened. So we're celebrating the gift of this new life coming into our family and also hit with this really heavy news of her sickness and coming death. ⁓ So over the course of that weekend, my husband and I discern with the family that we'll move in with her. So here we are with a one-year-old. We just moved home from Rome. We just moved in to Louisiana. We're settling in with my family. And then we just go home from a trip to Dallas back to Louisiana and let my family know, surprise, we're actually moving to Dallas

Annie Muller: Surprise. Yeah.

Hailey Skinner: And two days later, lo and behold, we find out we're pregnant with my daughter. And so then we go back to my family and say, also, we're having a baby. So fast forward.

Annie Muller: Were they sad? they sad that you were leaving? I mean, I'm just thinking is a grandma, if like I thought, we've got them and now my grandson's here and then, just kidding. Was that hard? Yeah. And your mom, you we want to be close to our moms. Yeah. ⁓

Hailey Skinner: Right. It was very hard. It was very hard. But they were, my family is so good and so loving. Yes. Yes. I love my mother dearly. She's, she's the best. And she comes to visit us all the time. And is they, they're very prayerful people and very understanding that, that we were following what we felt was God's call for us. But it was very hard to let go of that, the hopes. No, it's not. It's not.

Annie Muller: Sure. Right. It was hard. Well, and praise God for that. And Louisiana isn't too terribly far, thankfully. So it's a good drive. Awesome. ⁓ that's beautiful. We can all learn something from that for sure. Wow. And so then, yeah, so you find yourself pregnant. And so you how old how far apart? They're pretty close together.

Hailey Skinner: Yeah, but my family was very generous in their response and ⁓ absolutely. They're almost exactly two years.

Annie Muller: The two. Okay, okay. So two kids in two years and you're caring for your husband's precious grandma. Yeah. And that juxtaposition, gosh, what was that like? Just that juxtaposition of like new life beginning and then this beautiful, faithful life. I had the privilege of knowing.

Hailey Skinner: Yes. So she passed. Yes.

Annie Muller: her and she was a saint. to have to walk through that is not just so beautiful. The seasons of life that the Lord allows us to be a part of and motherhood is linked to all of them, to life, to death, to the ushering in and ushering out. I imagine that was profound.

Hailey Skinner: I was given a book called The Midwife for Souls and it's a book on hospice care, end of life care. And it was so, ⁓ beautiful. ⁓ was such a challenging season for so many reasons, but ⁓ fruitful in prayer, just ⁓ on this role that I have been placed in. ⁓ many demands put upon me is I'm journeying with a soul to death ⁓ ⁓ a life within me. at the same time. And the timing, it blows my mind that the timing was so beautiful. The finding out of my pregnancy right after the diagnosis and then his grandmother passed and only two weeks later my daughter was born. So really the whole pregnancy and the end of life journey was kind of bookended by the announcement of birth, the Annunciation moment, and then ⁓ Friday, like the death of ⁓ family member. And then this new life two weeks later. my daughter so it was a really big year very clearly God's hand and all of it lots of grace so much grace in the whole journey my husband also started a new job in May that same month that she passed soon my daughter was born my husband started in his kind of first official job since we moved home from Rome a year before half a year before And there was very generous paternity leave. He received full benefits. ⁓ So he was home for a very long time. And it just, I see the hand of God so clearly in our whole journey, in our yes to this life, in our yes to take care of his grandmother. God just provided for every single one of our needs that we didn't even know we had. And ⁓ now we find ourselves nine months later with a nine month old.

Annie Muller: That's crazy. Yeah.

Hailey Skinner: I'm just a stay at home mom. ⁓ I live in one, well, not just, but for the first time this past nine months with my daughter and my two and a half year old, I'm not on the go. I'm no longer caring for this sick family member. And so kind of figuring out this new season of motherhood for the first time. And it's an absolute joy. I've got my hands full for sure, but it's wonderful.

Annie Muller: Yeah, not just that's a I know you mean. Tour. Yeah, I love it. Well, so I love what you were. talking about because the whole theme what what we're going to keep coming back to is how is God asking us to surrender in this in this moment in this season of motherhood through these trials whatever they may be and we know for our listeners something immediately comes to mind when I say what is your fiat or what is God asking you to surrender right now we we all have something top of mind most of us have several things especially if you have more than one child So on this Feast of the Annunciation, we wanted to just reflect a little while about what's happening in that moment and how is Christ inviting us to participate in that moment with Mary throughout our motherhood and throughout our lives. And so just reflecting on Mary's fiat, we're starting with the Annunciation because we know this is the beginning. This is this pivotal point in Salvation History. Correct. Mary. Mary has beautiful, holy plans. She loves God. She has good plans. Believing she has well she has she surrendered her life to the Lord. She knows God she loves God she knows His voice and She has these beautiful plans with Joseph and then She's interrupted in the most dramatic way possible. So we've all we all experience interruption all day long This is something I say one of my talks at retreats Although I I know I borrowed it from somewhere and can't remember who but that wouldn't it be beautiful if we saw every interruption in lives and in our days is an invitation to love God more, an invitation to surrender more and to know Him more. So what are the interruptions in our lives? Mary's interruption is pretty dramatic. I'm constantly but never by an angel. ⁓ So Gabriel to Mary ⁓ and tells this ⁓ phenomenal, miraculous, news ⁓ and her first response is, I'm the handmaid of the Lord. Let it be done to me according to thy word. So that is the cry of our hearts is that that would be the cry of our hearts. I want that to be my first response, not my 12th or after, but I was going to blah, blah, blah. I have my list of things. We want it to be our immediate response. I also appreciate that Scripture tells us that Mary was greatly troubled. So she's not superhuman. She's not just, you know, we get that first. Mary was troubled. And she's like, wait a minute, that's impossible. How can that be? She asks, you know, who how is this possible? And St. Gabriel reassures her and she gives her yes. But it's important for us to stop and recognize there's doubt, there's fear. You know, the angel, of course, is saying, don't be afraid. There's questions that God invites our bewilderment. He invites our questions. He just we just want in the end to get. to the yes. So we thought it would be fun to tell our Annunciation stories, particularly when it relates to motherhood. So where we were in our our walk with the Lord in our lives the first time we found out we were going to be a mother. So, Hailey, why don't you tell us your story? We know already that you're living this grand adventure in ⁓ as brand new married people. ⁓ So us about finding out you're gonna be a mama.

Hailey Skinner: Yeah, we were about three months into our marriage and into our European journey, working really long hours with 100 college students, And one week in particular, I was just wiped out. And that was pretty normal to be pretty tired in this work. But I remember particularly this one day I was hosting a soccer tournament for the students. just felt with every fiber of my being that I needed to be there. I had been prepping for this. They were counting on me. I just couldn't get out of bed. I just was laying there ⁓ fatigued. Like nothing I could do about it. And my sweet husband just ⁓ look so tired. Let me take this. It's fine. I've got this. It's just soccer. So I fell asleep and slept for six hours ⁓ and came home and just took mental note. Like something's up. ⁓ This is not like Hailey. A couple days later, ⁓ program was going on a silent retreat and I got to staff this silent retreat, which really meant I just got to be on silent retreat all weekend. And also fell on my birthday. So here I am the first time since my marriage that I'm not with my husband where he's on silent retreat but across campus with the boys. I'm in my own room. I'm getting to just be in silence after a crazy start of the semester. Praying ⁓ all going on walks, feeling horrible all week. Since that soccer tournament I had been nauseous and sick and tired and it had never occurred to me that I was pregnant. But until this moment at the silent retreat, I am sitting in the chapel and the idea comes to me. I must be pregnant. It's just all starting to make sense. Like all the symptoms are there. That's what this is. And is I'm praying...

Annie Muller: Yeah, like, ⁓ right. Yeah.

Hailey Skinner: I just have this knowledge that there is a little child with me right now. And I feel the hand of God so strongly with me. I feel His presence. So I like to think back to that as my Annunciation moment in the chapel with the Lord, so confident that I am a mother in this moment. Sure enough, we go home from the retreat that afternoon and my husband and I hop in the car and go straight to the pharmacy. I buy an abundance of pregnancy tests. I think there were seven. Just to be, you can't be too sure. And I took all of them. They were all positive.

Annie Muller: I love it. Can't be too sure. Can't be too sure. I have a feeling that I have to know. Yeah. I love it. I love it.

Hailey Skinner: So that is my Annunciation moment. What about for you Annie?

Annie Muller: Well, mine was in that I a mother on my day ⁓ and really soon as we were engaged. my my husband had a ⁓ daughter in school. ⁓ And when met him, she was almost five ⁓ he had custody of her And so he and I were really good friends for a couple years before we started dating. And I just loved her. And I always say I fell in love with her first because I did. I just she was just the most wonderful little girl. And so I just started babysitting to help him out. And he needed to work at night. I worked with the day. We were both students at University of Dallas and he was in graduate school and I was late to getting my master's degree. I'm sorry, my bachelor's degree. I didn't get my degree until I finished at 26. So I got to UD late. I was non-traditional student, all those things. so ⁓ fell in love with her, and then the Lord brought us together, which is its own beautiful story. But very quickly, ⁓ so got married, and we were a family of three right away. ⁓ And Being her mother has been the greatest joy and honor of my life. There's something so incredibly special about a child that the Lord brings to you in a unique way. so for adoptive mothers, I really deeply understand the grace and connection and love that comes from that kind of acceptance of a gift from God that didn't come to us the way we expected. And so subsequently, right after we got married, I got pregnant. And so we had a little honeymoon baby. And I remember being concerned that, you know, am I going to feel conflicted in my motherhood? Is there going to be a comparison? I couldn't imagine loving a baby more than I loved our daughter. I... had some fear that I would would fail her in some way by not loving her in the same way I would love this child I conceived. And the Lord was so faithful to allay those fears very quickly. But then also to just kind of reveal to me that in opening up my heart to her, that I was in fact her mother. He put me in her life to be her mom and that I was subsequently opening myself up to the beautiful reality of God's undeserved love and grace and that there was the spirit of adoption that we're all we all participate in we all depend on in the way that the Lord loves us and that giving my fiat to the Lord for her just made me, that made me a mother and then I just continued to be a mother in the same way that we never, when you get pregnant with your second or your third, you just think, how can love multiply? I can't imagine loving another creature the same and yet it does because it is a representation of the way Christ loves us, the way God loves us at it. It multiplies, it's not a finite resource, it just grows and grows and So motherhood has been ⁓ know part of my married life from the very beginning and I feel extremely blessed that I've been able to ⁓ that gift so soon and then in different capacities so yeah. ⁓ Thanks. Yeah, I you know, is such and then I always joke with my kids that she's my favorite because she's given me three grandchildren. So, you know, sorry, guys, the competition, they're really losing. No, soon they'll all start giving me grandchildren. They just have a little bit of work to do. Yeah, some of them. It's a little too soon. So so starting today, because it's the Annunciation, we'll be journeying with Mary. And as Hailey noted at the beginning, we realize

Hailey Skinner: They just have some work to do.

Annie Muller: there was this beautiful correlation between starting with her pregnancy with her Annunciation and ending with a nativity if we you know is we go throughout the year so part of what we want to do this season is just kind of check in with where Mary is and obviously there isn't enough in Scripture or writing to talk in detail about her pregnancy but we do know where she is in that journey had a really good reflection about ⁓ sort of the of finding ourselves where we are liturgically and then also where we are post-annunciation. Do you wanna talk about that a little bit?

Hailey Skinner: Right. mysterious and beautiful how in the church we ⁓ can ⁓ life death. We begin today with the Annunciation and then just next week we'll be at the start of Holy Week. And I ask with Mary, how can this be? Like there are so many questions that I have. And that's so beautiful how relatable is that for mother at the same time we're holding joys and sorrows in our heart and we're pondering ⁓ with Mary life and death and really really grave hard perhaps grief, deep struggles and at same time the joys of your baby taking their first steps or your child going off to college that's ⁓ I'm not nowhere close there but I'm sure the most bittersweet thing in the world. So with Mary saying yes to God in everything and reflecting on how her yes to God, we see this in her pregnancy with the growing Christ child in her womb, we see this in her faith and how God's plan for her life gives us an example for how to live as Catholic mothers.

Annie Muller: You know, you can experience. Yeah, it's difficult. Yeah. Yeah, I think it is. There's so many mysteries, of course, in the Church and in our rich faith. But there is that it is fascinating that here we are. It's a feast day. We're celebrating the Annunciation and Spy Wednesday is one week away. So and we're going to come back for an episode Holy Week just to kind of flesh out further that mystery. So that be it unto me according to thy word is sort of the overarching theme of this podcast. What does that look like and what is our responsibility, our posture of receptivity? Mothers have a posture of receptivity by the very nature of how children come to be, right? there's such a mystery in how we receive life. And then throughout our motherhood, we're just constantly ⁓ needing ⁓ to receive. are receiving. We're put There's this constant need for surrender ⁓ our bodies are no longer our Our time no longer our own. ⁓ Sleep is a distant memory. There's all the things we have to just receive with grace because it's where the Lord has us. We thought it would be nice ⁓ us to each tell a story of fiat or surrender. And again, this is something that's happening over and over again throughout our motherhood and certainly throughout all the seasons of motherhood. And so it's something we'll come back to again and again. But just is we get the season started and kind of ⁓ help ourselves to our listeners, we thought we'd tell our stories. So, Hailey, I would love to hear ⁓ one your fiat stories.

Hailey Skinner: Sure, I have kind of a silly story and maybe one that is relatable for some of you mamas. This happened about eight weeks ago, ⁓ eight months ago. I'm four weeks postpartum ⁓ and was the first time I had been left home alone with my two kids, I had been ⁓ blessed with much time with my husband home work and my mom's help, my mother-in-law, ⁓ lots of family and friends around bringing us meals and helping with really anything and everything. So four weeks with a baby and a toddler and lots of help. I'm home alone. I got the toddler down to sleep for his nap finally and I'm into my armchair nursing my baby. Everything's calm and peaceful and I begin to scroll through my long and growing to do list that you know of all the things I haven't done in four weeks and about five minutes into his nap my toddler conveniently wakes up screaming, coughing, he becomes sick, poor baby. also wakes up the newborn and so both are inconsolable. I to his room, get my toddler, just put him on my shoulder. ⁓ He's so, you know, I'm lugging him actually. He's so big.

Annie Muller: course. He is big. He is big.

Hailey Skinner: ⁓ Got my other baby trying to nurse her. do the mom maneuver, sit back in my armchair, get the baby back nursing and ⁓ by God's grace they both fall back asleep, now both on either shoulder. ⁓ what I didn't realize when I stood up was that all the things on the armchair, ⁓ arm rests fell into my seat. So now I'm sitting on a wooden spoon, my phone and a huge book. ⁓ with two sleeping babies and a nursing baby in my arms. ⁓ And so I kind of just... You cannot move. You're stuck.

Annie Muller: And you do not want to move because it's not worth waking anybody up. It's like, don't even breathe.

Hailey Skinner: So of course all you can do is laugh at yourself. I really enjoy laughing at myself. And just look at my kids, like guess this is our life now, gotta get used to this. And this was such a profound moment of grace for me because ⁓ my ⁓ could been one of frustration and anxiety. I have so much to do. But God really gave me a grace to see my children and what I felt on my heart and heard Him say were the words, look how very full your arms are. And like take a deep breath, receive the gift, right? We're talking about this posture of receptivity, like my arms could not be any more full. ⁓ And what a gift. And I felt so many things at once. In addition to that, the gift of these children, I felt the weight of the responsibility that it is to raise them. ⁓

Annie Muller: Ha ha ha ha.

Hailey Skinner: If God willing, if God gives us more to raise more children, to educate them in the faith, then even just to physically keep them alive. Like that work in itself is a huge work. ⁓

Annie Muller: Especially when they're that little, it's so constant. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hailey Skinner: Mm-hmm. So, and ultimately, it reminded me that God's gifts, as you were saying earlier, always come to us in the forms of interruptions, interrupting our plans, and those are actually God's greatest ways of blessing us with His grace. So.

Annie Muller: I particularly love about that your ability to listen to the Lord in that moment. So it says a lot about your posture receptivity and that, and I totally agree with you, if we can't laugh at ourselves, motherhood is gonna be impossible. You have to laugh at the absurdity of so many things. I mean, I could just think of so many moments where. You just can't make it up like, you know, the absurdity of and the ways they'll embarrass you in public and in church and all the things. And you just ⁓ to. OK, Lord, well, this is where you have me. And your ability to hear the Lord in that moment, I think it's really beautiful, too, because He is always He always wants to speak to us and He always wants to reassure us. And He's always there. He's in the mess with us. Thank goodness. That's how we survive the mess, So I my the story, you know, I have so many and I've been doing this long time. And so and for those of you who listen to the other two seasons, you know some of this story. But I thought just on the flip side to talk about the the piece of surrender that can be complicated with grief and sorrow and all of those things. My most profound moment of fiat and surrender came in the way my fertility sort of ended very abruptly and the sorrow that came before that. So I there were many years where my biggest struggle of surrender was accepting, you know, seeing the babies come quickly and being at peace with the rate at which we were having children. And that that's its own story. the Lord was always very, very faithful to give me a profound sense of peace, usually like the day before I got a positive pregnancy test. I would be anxious. anxious thinking I don't think I can have another one and they'd be like, I think I could and then ding. OK, so that was a lot of our journey. then in that time, I was there was a lot of fear. How many children are we going to have? What's my capacity? How can we handle this? We didn't have any money. I mean, there were all the sort of normal stressors. But long story short, the Lord had really worked on my heart and I was very excited to have a very large family. I'm like, bring on the minibus and the 12 kids and we'll do this. This will be awesome. And so I was pregnant with number eight and we lost that baby late 18, 19 weeks. And that was very devastating. I doing a consecration to ⁓ Mary that time that ended on this feast day. So this time of year is always a little bittersweet, although I do feel we named him Gabriel, of course, ⁓ because Annunciation and ⁓ I I always feel particularly close to him this time of year. And it's been 11 years, so it's been a long time. But after that, we experienced about a year where I couldn't get pregnant at all and then had two more losses. And the last loss resulted in an emergency hysterectomy. So we go from saying, OK, Lord, give us 12. We're ready to abruptly at 30, no, at 40, at 40, my uterus was gone. And so that. the process of that surrender. I think it's important to say it took a long time. It wasn't I'm not our blessed mother. So there was there was not there were moments where I was very surrendered. And yet had a lot of questions and I had a lot of pain and a lot of grief. And so ⁓ was it was a process of continuing to surrender because not only did we not get our Gabriel and then the babies after that and no more babies to come, it also also was like every every new season felt a little bit like a dagger because it was too soon. know, my especially when my youngest went off to kindergarten, it's like, no, no, no, there were supposed to be several more or at least the one more. so thinking you get to the place where you're like, OK, Lord, I'm so surrendered. And then something triggers that grief or things don't look the way you want. And the thing that really colors that season the most for me is kindness of God and the consolation of God. He was so kind to me and so gentle in the way He consoled me. And He was so patient with how long it took me to get on board with where fertility and family were headed. ⁓ And so ⁓ think it's important for anybody listening who's struggling with. grief or with just like none of this looks the way I wanted. And sometimes it's because of things like and illness. And sometimes it's because of ⁓ hurt and sin of someone else. You know, there are so many things that can derail what believe Lord's plans are. And it's so important to remember that none of it changes who is ⁓ and that He is allowing In His will, peace is in His will and He has us there and even when we think it looks unfair cruel or just impossible to understand, we know He's in it with us and so He's going to walk us through it.

Hailey Skinner: And really we can just repeat the words of Mary, that fiat, keep it on our lips, recognizing, I think it's so beautiful that Mary, in this fiat, we see that she understands who she is and whose she is. the handmaid of the Lord. Emphasis on of the Lord. ⁓ Be a done unto me according to your Word. Whatever you say, Lord, whatever you want, I'm your handmaid, I'm yours. Like emphasis on His Will, His Word, which is so good. We don't understand it.

Annie Muller: Yeah, yeah. Right, right. Yeah. Yeah. And that is it's such an important reminder.

Hailey Skinner: but we trust that He is so good and He knows.

Annie Muller: that we are not He's not tyrannical. He's not saying you have to do it my way. It's the better way. ⁓ know, sometimes we fight to believe especially when they're suffering. mean, that's the mystery. So ⁓ as we throughout this season, our hope is to as we examine different topics or areas of ⁓ of motherhood how do we raise our children in the Church, we want to hear from you too. there are topics or challenges you'd like us to discuss, want to hear from you. We'll have ways to contact us in the show notes. But just as we wrap up today, Hailey and I were ⁓ and ⁓ Ever the theology student was looking through the Catechism at some important passages about Mary in particular, and then of course about parenting. And we hope to have some episodes where we just of break open what does the Church tell us you know how what is the Church how is the Church instructing and also supporting what it is we're doing as moms but there was a passage that struck me that Hailey brought up to me from the Catechism and it's um 26 17 in the Catechism and it says in the faith of His humble handmaid the gift of God found the acceptance He had awaited from the beginning of time time. She whom the Almighty made full of grace responds by offering her whole being. And it then goes on to describe her fiat as the best example of Christian prayer. So to be wholly God's because He is wholly ours. And I think sometimes we can really complicate our prayer life, especially as moms, because you don't have time There's so many that you're not getting like an hour of Adoration or you're not even getting quiet prayer time. You're trying to read your Magnificat while your kids sitting on your head. You know, there's not a lot of ⁓ quiet contemplation. and silent retreats anymore. So just the beautiful reminder that we can respond by offering our whole being and it's as simple as saying, let it be done.