Jason: I don't know what this is. I'm delighted. Never seen this one before. I I have played it once before, but I don't really have a deep amount of knowledge, so it'll be a true playtest. Okay. Alright, so I'm going to periodically read some shit and I will read out all the instructions and things as well. First job is how do we pronounce it? Ukatoa. Ukatoa. Ukatoa. Okay cool. Ukatoa. Ukatoa. I like it. Alright, You put loads of emphasis into that. I did. That's cool, man. So, yes. Welcome to our first live play. And we will be playing Ukatoa by Darrington Press and the people at Critical Roll. So. I gonna do the back of this now the whole time. there's a shanty. Sold Are you gonna sing the shanty for us? I'm I I I I I mean I can, but I will be singing it in the tune of like big fucking whatch you call it? Booty makers. But a poticy that's tossed and gra I don't know how to do this. A poticy that's tossed and gray. See, I'm doing it in a fucking Do it to Drunken Sailor. I'm pretty sure it was written to Wellerman. Is it? Pon a sea that's tossed in grey. We fight to keep the dreams at bay. Fall in our sleep, we hope for peace. Lest the nightmares have their way. Uka to katoa. Keep locked away. See, I think it's it's it's what's it called? Beaten's brew. That's what it's in my head. That's good. Alright. Like ninety percent of sailors see shanties anyway. Mm No, I thought this would be a good game for us to start with because it's entry level, it's not anything that takes hours and hours to set up or to learn the rules of, hopefully. Is that the good tour? and I think there are a couple of different ways we can play. So depending on how fast the games go, we might try and play a couple of different ways. and just test them all out. good. So firstly if I can take this. Yeah, it's a cool mini. It comes with it like like the artwork and stuff for the game I think is really cool. I I genuinely thought you just slapped a D D mini right in the middle, so I was like, that's not No, it came with it. And and and you know it's mine because it's still fucking gray. I was gonna say they meant to be painted. Yeah, yeah. No, I I think this was if I'm not mistaken, this was the first game by Darrington Press. right, okay. and they released several others since then, which a couple of which I own that that that we'll might take a look at. and then of course dagger heart as well as narrow compressed. yes. we'll definitely be we'll definitely be diving into that at some point. You keep threatening us with Daggerheart. no it's happening. It's happening. I just don't know. I don't know when it's happening but it's happening. I know none of this that's fine. We'll find out. You'll find out together. So all right so summary. Legends tell of a beast that resides in the depths of the oceans of Alexandria. the monstrous beast is known by many names, the great Leviathan, the Leviathan Lord, and the false serpent, its true name is Ukatoa, and it has resided in the dark waters for ages, encaged and vengeful. Worshipped by sailors, pirates, and other seafarers, but sealed away, he has finally escaped his prison and is wreaking havoc in the Lusidian Ocean. The time has come for Ukatoa to once again consume. In this tactical semi-co-op board game, all players are aboard a single ship, which has been sunk by Ukatoa. Passengers flee, push, and sacrifice each other in order to escape its its terrible tentacles and maw. How will you guide your fellow sailors to their doom, earning a few more brief moments of life? can you protect your assets? Ukotoa has risen and he is hungry. Components. Twenty six ship tiles, sixty action cards, which if someone who likes to shuffle wouldn't mind shuffling those, please. in in a moment we'll find out that we don't actually need them shuffled, but go ahead for the meantime. back into painstaking fucking order. Everyone gets two number ones. That's right. Twenty five sailor pawns, five of each color blue, red, green, yellow, and purple. five faction tiles and one Ukatoa miniature. game design by Jeb Havens. the art, which I mentioned before, absolutely sick, is Hannah Fredericks. I think I'm saying that right. additional game design, Gabriel Hicks and Leia Vihendro. the Ukatoa sculpt is Nicholas Norman. Nice. again, Darington Press. next one, Nicholas. Alright, so set up. Good job, Nicholas. Well done, Nicholas. Good job not just making a giant tentacle porn fast. It could have been. so starting with the ship wheel. No. Ukatoa I I'm on Ukatoa's side. So is this gonna work? I like him. Okay, so starting Starting with the shipwheel, each tile each player places a ship tile with the arrow pointing to the previously played tile in clockwise order. Okay, all of our characters are screaming into the void. That's okay. yeah, some of them were face down. Yeah. I thought that I was like, they do. My seven year old said that to the other day, he's like Dad, do you know how to do the Macarena? I'm like, sweet sore child Unfortunately. I learned against my will, and I'm sure you did too. Or if me does me shuffling around here take me out of camera? Didn't think about that. Find out. It's the weirdest fucking looking boat ever. Half of it's already been destroyed by Ukatoa. Could be. Ukatoa! Or maybe that's the problem. They're gonna outrun the shit because they have a wonky looking ass boat. Maybe. We've killed them before we've started. Is it my turning? Dude, you just did like three. Yeah. Did I? It didn't do it. Yeah, we're it. There's three left, you guys fucking do You're just like, hurry this up. Does it fucking matter? Well, I don't know if we can. But I didn't I didn't know the part about the arrows, so it wouldn't have worked anyway. It's pointing towards it anyway. I'm sure there is a way to make it look like a fucking boat and do the arrows, but I can't be bothered for that. I don't know. They're beautiful cards actually. They're nice cards, aren't they? gather the sailor pawns, one color for each player at the table, and then put any remaining pawns back in the box. So we're gonna get rid of the green ones. Goodbye, green ones. Bye-bye. No one chose you. You're losers. How would you fucking mocarina back into the box, Feels very aggressive with tiny green figures. I apologize. I was just thinking about doing the the the the The sea shanty to the tune of Makarena. Up upon a sea does Tothstand Grey. We fight to keep the dreams at bay. For in sleep we hope for peace. At least the nightmares have their way. Hey, Uktoa. Yeah, they're never gonna fucking sponsor us now. Okay. my gear. I got my dudes. I got my hat. I'm bringing country back. Depending on how depending on how much of these songs we sing, we might get Jay demonetized. I'm I ain't fucking monetized now. Kate demonetized me. We'll just do like a stop motion and make them all dance at the end. Like a fucking music video. Every player selects a color and then the sailor pawns that go with it, and again going clockwise, places one of them on the available empty ship tiles. continue to place until no more sailors are available. The method works best partially randomize as your allied factions are still undeclared. Okay. Fair enough. I don't know what that means, but alright. So I I'm gonna put this guy here. I'm gonna put this guy here. I like that everybody on this sinking ship is doing like none of our fucking trying to get any work done. No, they're all just screaming into the air. screening into the you got gotta go again, Jay. Gotta we're all filled up. Sorry, I was reading ahead. Getting ahead myself. Let me just get as far the fuck away from people as I can. He knows. He knows something. I mean I know there's a big fucking monster on the boat. Do I want to be close to it or not? So it doesn't have my dad. Basic turn order. Advance Ukatoa. Draw two cards. Play cards. Discard cards if you have more than five in your hand. So like when you draw In the drawing face, I'm fucking idiot. Alright. Win conditions. The game ends as soon as one of these two conditions is met. There is only a single color of sailor remaining on the ship. The two players that control that color enjoy a shared victory. Boo. There are only two colors of sailors remaining on the ship, and both colors are controlled by the same player. So one of those two things has to happen. no, when multiple sailors are being eaten by an unleash the tentacle card. Technically the sailor closest to Ukatoa dies first, followed by the next closest, so the game could end halfway through completing the card, even if that last sailor only gets to enjoy their victory for about two seconds. Types of cards. you have advanced Ukotoa, Unleash a Tentacle, Run Unleash a Tentacle is fine. I'm not allowed on that website anymore. Run, push, and take them instead. So as my favorite infrared ever. Take them instead. Well as these things arise we will we will talk about them. Okay. So for the first order of business, the drawing phase, draw two cards from the pile. So everybody draw two cards. What was the rule about identical cards? Do look at my cards, cheeky bar. You can play them if they if they fully fully map. You can play both. Yeah. Okay. But they have to match in type and number. Well if I have triple cards. There was some shit in there about that too. Then you die. again I I'm gonna end up reading everything twice anyway. O catóa. O católico. O católico. O católico. So it's fun to say. Alright, so now we go into everybody got their two cards? Yeah. Yep. So now we go into the action phase. In this phase, you may play or discard cards from your hand. Cards may be played in three different ways. You can play a single card, the action on the card occurs, and then you immediately advance to the discard phase. If you play a duplicate of cards to the same card together, the action only occurs once. But you may continue this phase and play another card or another set of duplicates. So if you play a double, you get go again, basically. Okay. play a double equals rule of six. E in what? In snakes and ladders. Okay. Yes. That's a house rule. That ain't a regular rule. That's a ruby rule. That's a ruby rule. and then discard any duplicates or three cards of any kind. You may then draw one new card and continue and continue this phase. Right. Right. So is the key to get to the wheel or just stay away from the phone. Basically. Stay alive. Yeah, stay alive. Keep running around the wheel. And if if you don't like those cards and you got three of them, you can get rid of them and trade for one new card So I'm going to I'm gonna play a duplicate of cards. So I'm gonna play Advanced Ukatoa. Two spaces. So purple ain't got shit to do with me, so I'm gonna go here and knock this guy out. I take it the monster doesn't have to follow the arrows then. I don't yeah, I don't so. Is that right? I have no idea. Advanced Ukatoa. I guess suppose I should read the fucking card before I just start knocking people out. I mean it seems like what is the title number? Advance Ukatoa. One, two, or three spaces. Move the Yukatoa miniature towards the arrow indicating movement around the ship. it is yes, go around the ship that way. Yeah. Okay, so he has to follow the pattern. My guy survives. shit, yeah, I can't go that way. Balls. Yeah, but you move from two. Sure. yeah, then there's a small issue with movement because this has been I noticed that earlier, but it shouldn't be bothered saying Jake we'll figure it out. Just move it like those weird little goblins from the labyrinth, like just fucking flip it around. Yeah. We'll just pretend we didn't fuck it up from the beginning. But one of them has to point to the wheel. That was the whole point. Aww shit. We fucked it up already. We're bad games. We should have just done it in a spiral. Who built this piece of shit? You useless motherfuckers. Alright, hold on. Yeah, hold on. Then that well yeah, then this one has to be this way. No no I'll take that one out. He was angry before, he's getting really angry now. And it's your fault, Jake. Yes. Because Cause that fucking suck. Let's do that again. We'll be back after a few moments. We fucked up. Let's do that again. Time to play Ukatoa! Ukato! Ukato! Demons! First time we've played. This is totally the first time we played, not at all. Our like third attempt to play this game properly. Not at all. Here's one we prepared. Not at all. All of our little men are clean, they haven't touched any body parts. They were not up, Jay's butt. He did not rub them on his nipples. He did not rub them on his nipples despite what we asked. I absolutely did. I think I think Bukatoa That's excellent. I think we should the noise he makes. I think we should use the optional advancement phase. Where at the start of each of our turns, before drawing cards, we can choose to advance Bukotoa one space. Yeah. instead of yeah. Let's do that. Yeah. So you so when you start your phase, you can just kinda go, I am gonna dance or I'm not gonna dance. Cool. Sounds good. So why don't sh we started the weedy last time, why don't you begin? tile. yeah, we do tiles. Put the tiles down. And and this is before alcohol. it's always We don't need alcohol. Create some holes. Create some holes for those tentacles. Fuck you. Why is this? Why are you the way you do be are? If you met my dad, you'd understand. The fuck? He's a tentacle. You can't do impressions of people. This one? Yeah. That one, yeah. With the chains and whips. Mm-hmm. All right, home base. Yes. Yes. Yes. This is making more sense now. I mean Yeah. This makes a lot of sense 'cause this is what we did the first time when we totally fucking played. Well it's kinda like Yeah. Again, like I do not claim to be any sort of tabletop game like I would be an enthusiast because I like them. I haven't played very many of them, you know? Yeah. I get together a couple times a year with people and you know Fuck up the rules. No, they play they play Really indie board games a lot and most of the time they have already played the games that we're playing. Yeah. and so by the time you know, it's like an hour and a half to explain the fucking rules, another hour and a half to set up the board, yeah. And then like seven hours of playtime, I really enjoy it by the end when I figure out what the fuck is going on, but then I never play the game again. Yeah. So, you know, it is It is nice that there is a game that while we did fuck it up the first time we played it, I feel fairly confident with it within the next hour that it can now be played equally by all by all parts. So let's make it interesting at the end. You motherfucker. Yeah, we wanna keep the monster away. church. Alright, okay. It's a little Ukatoa story. Ukatoa. Ukatoa. Ukatoa Ukatoa lives. Ray White Buffalo. Alright. Who starts? we gotta you gotta hand out these random fucking Tokens. no, we gotta put a little dudes down to place them first. Because you don't know who you're gonna be with. Doodlage does nipples. McGee. Bob. Bob's tubs. Jobby. Jobby? Jobby, that's his name. Francesco. He shit his pants on the first day of primary school. That's been his name since. I hate that. Hate that for you, Jobby? Jeremiah! fuck Jeremiah! Jeremiah next to Jerome. Shut the fuck up, Jeremiah. You're making us look bad. the fuck up. Can't take him anywhere. God, God, Jeremiah. wait, what? I'm finished with all my drinks. my god. Wait, you're Who brought the newbie? Wait till he gets in, wait till he gets in. Wait till he gets sit down first, motherfucker. I don't know how to do this. I'm caught. Hey how we do it. Watch a cornhole, buddy. You start it off. Welcome to Ukatoa. So you have the option to move Ukatoa before you begin drawing. Would you like to move Ukatoa? No. I will advance Ukatoa one. No, you can do that. You have to draw two cards first. wow. But you can do it anyway. You can get one free move. You can get a free move of Ukatoa. At the start of your turn. And then you could play that one, so you move them two. I don't want to. Ladies and gentlemen, Lauren Ferry. I'm moving him one. He's only going one. Calm your side. You can do that anyway. Okay, that's my turnover. Fucking hacking ooh. I'm not gonna move Okatoa. I'm going to take two. And then I am going to play I'm going to use run. Let's do to here. see now this makes sense. And then the obviously ended up don't go. God damn it. Teammates. Do I draw and then move or fix my bumps. So you have the option to move him. Yeah. my bump. Do you want to move him or not? I do want to move him. Move him. Phew. This goes away. Destroys everything. And now I draw two. yes. So I like that. Now I want to unleash tentacle two spaces. Bastard. Okay. And take that one back out. Fuck you! No, not Howard. That was not one of the four names. I'm staring at the purple one that's coming up, thinking that's mine. That is fair. Jess Wall. Is this a single play? Yes. Yeah, okay. So I I do want to move him to space. 'Cause why the fuck not? Let's kick the tires on this bitch. poo-poo. Interesting way to say. Poo-poo. you sound very pleased about that. You sounded very pleased about that. No, I don't think I did. I don't think I did. Poo-poo. I might have sounded a little bit crispy, but you were very happy about it. Let us so I have to play a single card. Purple and red are my homies. Ooh. Yeah, you're not a great position. You did not want to advance one space. No, I did not. That was fucking stupid. 'cause he has to go this way, right? Yep. Well ball sack. I can't do shit. On the run, do you have to run in the direction or can you run anywhere? You can run anywhere that you can run to any free tile. It doesn't matter that you don't have to run in the direction of the of that Ukadrol's gonna travel. Any connecting free tile you can run to. But what is it? A maximum of four tiles. Maximum of four tiles. Right. So you can run just one. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Well, I can't save everybody, but I can save Carl. Run Carl. Fucking run, Carl. Okay. At least I can tell. Okay, let me see, let me see, let me see. Yeah, it's any up to it's up to up to three spaces. So yeah. You can run to any up any three spaces. this is hard. I've not seen one of those cards yet. No, we ha we had it in the game that we totally didn't play before this game. Did we? I didn't see it. In the game that never was. I don't wanna do any of this. Don the Gosh. still never seen that movie. It's it's good. It's very often's time. It's only good if you watch it with other people. Okay. It is it is like by yourself, it may be the worst movie ever. Okay. Like second only to like Pudie Tang. Like, what a fucking pull that is. Booty Tang. Holy shit. To this date, it is the only f no. It is one of two films that I actually got up and walked out of. The other one was what was the fucking thing with like it's a Godzilla movie, but it's not called Godzilla and it's shot all like in fucking handicam. Cloverfield. yeah. I made it about halfway through Cloverfield and got sick as a fucking dog. I know. No, it's it's yeah, it's no it's like spider. I think it is actually it's somebody running from Godzilla with a fucking camcorder from the nineteen nineties. Big fucking like sp like Blair Witch style. And I was still never seen that one. I went to the IMAX to see it and was literally just like about fifteen minutes in, was like decided. Like is that from the movement of the camera? Yeah. shit. Yeah. Motion sickness. I have since then gone back and watched It's great job. Not pretty tang, success. When I advance Ukatoa, I think I know the answer to this, but I'm just gonna ask it anyway. Do I have to follow the arrows or damn it? Yeah, so purple's gonna die if you do that. Which I'm gonna do anyway next turn. Or I will do the turn after. We have zero stake in this movement. It's all on that's at a table. Well I'm not gonna help you, I'm not gonna do that to Carlos. I'm out. You're you're reached forward. That's Gerard. That's Gerard. How dare you do that, Gerard? shit I can't hold on. I know, right? BAP. You're done. And now I draw. Actually Never mind. I found the line. Found it. I found the line. I did not like it. and then I'm going to So I can only play one card. Yeah. Single single card and then that's yeah, I had the same thing as because I had four single cards. I'm hoping to pick up because I have two moves that I want to do. Save somebody and kill somebody. I'm trying to work out what like what is Ukatoa's ultimate path so I can fuck with people. But both of those are on my side and I want to fucking keep that going for as long as but hear you. Nipples is on the wheel. Yep. Nipples take the wheel. Nipples take the wheel. That's what they say. Nipples take the wheel. Some long nipples. The wheel in the sky keeps on turning. What's that? A song. Journey. Is it journey? god. I'm gonna try and keep because I'm gonna try and keep one of my boys alive for a little bit longer. I'm gonna play run. And I'm gonna get That one, get them stuck over here. That was one of my moves, so now I don't have to do that. You're welcome. no. Can you move him one more? Well how many can I run up to Okay it's two it was run up to two? Run up to four, is it not? it is up to four. Sorry, thank you then. Yeah. Excellent. man, I end my turn. It's run run is up to three. yeah, okay. Okay, well that one's gone. Jobby. Yes, Jobby's gone. Goodbye, didn't bother too? But it's fine. Like who named someone Jobby? It's like a Dedonian house elf. Okay. And and that's my time. It's giving Miles giving us bug fast. is fucking steaming Harry can't go back to Hogwarts! Jobby needs Comes out of a fucking tracks. So tough. I've got bangin' fucking kicks. Thanks. Key is a fag. Right. okay. red and purple, red and purple. Okay. We didn't have that in the previous game that we didn't play. Yeah. I will move Okutoa. Okay. And I'll draw two ahead of us. I'm going to advance Ukato one. Damn it! I forgot we had the option to do that. No Alan. Alan! Alan! Alan! And because it was double, I can now Leave them alone. That's what you can do. The fucking yellow's been screwed. It's fucking f and the yellows are One yellow at the end and then there's a fucking yellow here. Unleash a tentacle. Jesus Christ. damn it give me that. Stephen No And that is the end of my turn. lala. Billa o de la Okay, what am I gonna do though? Tail whip three spaces. I'm gonna tail whip. No, you're not. Two spaces. No, you're not. That's one of your dudes. In this direction. piss. You're not gonna hit anybody. You No, this guy. You can't do that. I thought you could. This it'd be over here. No, y it looks like you can, but the board's kinda fucked up. Yeah. So you can go directly across, but there's nobody there. Yeah. Was it a two? Yeah. Well I've got a three. If you did a three, you could hit this one. Yeah, let's take out that. I mean shut the fuck up now the fuck is on you! Laura no Sorry Jeffrey You've activated my trap card. Swap spacers. what was that? That was the three. Let me put that down. Here we go. Here you go. Here you go. Sound like a wor from worms. Do you play worms? Like the on the That rings a bell. I think I did play one. Yeah. I played like a tank version of that. It was kinda like Angry Birds before Angry Birds, wasn't it? In a sense. I mean nothing like it, but you In the sense that they're both games, yeah. Things explode. Birds eat worms? Yes. Earthworm juice. Such a goofy guy. Down to the fucking cracking game. Yeah. You done? I'm done. yeah, you're done. Three spaces. Tailwind. Three spaces. Plasma! I'm going to. Now I'm going to be quoting Earthworm Gym all night. Ugatoas, move one. Do not tail with three spaces. I'm not going to deal with spade three spaces. Instead, I'm going to. Hehehe. Ukatoa. Ukatoa. Gotta do little take them instead. Take this one. my god. Stick them there. fuck off, Ukatoa. Fuck off, Ukatoa! my god! Tiny little tiles! Great big madness! I do not have time for this today! Do not have time for This is this is currently screaming. Yeah, yeah. Not for the five fingered. Daniel, it's your turn. I could do something really evil. Do it. Do it to Well, I'm not going to advance him. Alright. Alright, we'll take these. Don't do it to Jacob. Leave Jacob alone. We're going to play this double. To tail whip this one. Nice. my god. And then I'm going to. Take this one instead. That was Stefan. He had a family. Well, Stefan's about to die. And I end my turn. That's the idea is pushing all the purple people to the front, huh? No. If I cannot be one of them If I cannot be a purple person. That's a purple person. People eat her thing. Is that the end of your turn? That's the end, yeah. I am not going to move Ukatoa. I'm gonna find some way to fuck over Dan. He's on your team. Don't touch the red people, Jay. Mm. The red people are expensive, it's fine. It's purple people that really matter. It is. S there are people, G. You literally can't do a fucking thing. Can't do that. Can't do that. Can't do that. Can't do that. They can't do that. Mm-mm. Fucking poor yellows, man. I gotta rely on dad if I'm winning this game. We have to get to nipples. Leave nipples alone. Don't tweak nipples. Son of a bitch. Could make the game more exciting. All right, come here. Make a decision now. I am going to pass my turn. Because anything I will do will kill my guys. You better have a you've got to pick up two. Also you're gonna move And I'll have to drop one. You don't have to. That's very good. Jesus Christ. No, don't make suggestions like that to her because you're fucking good. What will I do? Run over your own guys. what should I throw? Let's throw this one. Dan, is your microphone on? Yeah. Yes. Yeah, I couldn't see the blue. I think this one's the dodgy head that you try to rip. I can't do anything. Did you not just play that? It does. Fuck a Did you just put that down? yeah, 'cause I picked up two and I already had four. No no, you don't you don't discard until the end. so that's like you just played that and just wiped out two of your purple people. Was it just the one that you played? Yeah, just the one up. Although you could play it and wipe out that red one. I know, but like You can. We want to look like we professionally know what we're doing. We have a clue. Yeah, okay. Well we fucked the dog on that one. Unleash a tentacle. Fuck the whole goddamn kennel. this way. I'm gonna kill Was this Jeremiah? Pfft, no idea anymore. Lindsay. Lindsay. Male or female Lindsay. Push. And that is the end of my turn. Who did you push? Lindsay. So she tail whipped Red off of there. Alright guys. Advance. my god. That was rude. Stop seeing my government names Freaky. Don't have a short name. Your government name is Freaky? We've got too many fucking things I gotta get I gotta play something. Stanny is gonna pay for this. Okay. I'm gonna play. I'm gonna play two of the taking set cards. I'm gonna swap. then. That has to be my guy. For what? For for another person. It does, yeah. That's okay. can do this because that's one of my guys. Put that there. You've only put in You can just be swapping. It would have been better to swap them. Yeah, it's fucking though anyway. But I can do because I could play another character. They're all my guys, so it doesn't really matter. And how thank God for nipples. Amen. Man. We would be looking funny in bathing suits. And I'm gonna advance crack. Krakatoa, Jesus Christ, Ukatoa, because I played two of those. Ukatoa. One, two. You don't need that. And you don't need that. And I can take sit stand up, Jeffrey. Ukatoa. And I end my turn. Well, I don't want to advance him again. But no. You keep putting me in that position where I can't. I did what I wanted to do. I had my fun. Okay, so I will run. And we'll take that one and put it there. Yes. There you go. Turn done. You know that like I don't know if you've seen the video where it's like on TikTok the guy's like trying to summon things. Start starting putting them around the circle. That's a good point actually. Last time this happened, an Ottoman got my god. You can't bring you can't bring I could advance him and take out a guy that's not my own. But then that would put my guy up next. So I don't really want to do that. Or you could if you then had a tail whip, you sacrifice your guy and get another one. No. Yeah, but I don't. Not yet anyway. How much you want a tail? I mean it's gonna happen anyway, isn't it? We were making up fucking words now. Ukatoka. Alright, fuck it. God damn it. Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. Teal colored motherfucker. Fuck you, Simon. Fucking turquoise bastard. It's like future racism. It's like racism for a an alien species. Walk on the earth you torque you toise bastard. Listen, they eat our young, but you have to get along with them. right. Fucking prones. Fucking prones. No. To sacrifice one of my guys to get another turquoise bastard. Purple guy, no. No, not a purple guy. Happily sacrifice the purple guy. Leave the turquoise one alone. No. Don't sacrifice the purple guy. Purple guy is he's our man. He can't do it. And that's Dave. Dave has three kids, beautiful wife. He's doing well. He's saving life. He's a doctor. One of his kids is like really into like the right wing, like the I was gonna list the the root of he has three kids and a wife, but they're all tax dodgers. Our taxes have paid for them to go to Butlins. What? I'd be no, I'd be harming him if I moved to Mini. He's furthest away. No okay. Where does this fucking go? It goes around there. Yeah. Yeah, it goes yeah, it goes around there. Da da da da da da da da da da da. Alright, so in that case He's safe where he is. What are you doing? I mean, safe is fucking relative, like if you're anywhere in range of a tail whip. True. true. But he wasn't there. But yeah, that's true. I can cancel move. I mean it moves him closer to him in line, but further away from a tail whip, so I'm actually gonna move him here. Fair. Okay. So I'm gonna double that run. Nice. So that I can play another. Okie dokie. Tail whip the purple bastard. And I'm going to do it. Don't do it. Do it. No little Dave. He's a good man. But to end my term, and now you can fucking figure out what to do with Dave. Dave is misunderstood. well pick up two cards and three. holy Okita. Great slimy sort of Dave. Take them instead. Take his three children who could go up. Yes. No Arsulren. No, Lauren. Arsehol is dead. Right, save save Arsehole. Go ahead. Sorry. I missed that one. Ignore my musical tourette, it's fine. 'Cause they all match. yeah, okay, fair enough. Okay. And my turn is over. Fist my bomb. Save Dave. Save Dave. Do you have a run? I'd be even better. Pinch fools. Run. Double push. So I can if I am if I am correct, I can basically push my way in here as long as they can move to other tiles. I mean you still only get to do it once. Yeah, but I have to I get to push, but I can move here. And these guys have to move wherever you like there. Yeah. Yep. Uh-huh. But I still I got two characters, so I get to go again. And now tail whip nipples. But the push calls, not Dave. It's up to two spaces, right? Yeah, up to two. Yeah. Yeah, but it's up to two in any direction. But it has to be. Yeah. So That's fine. Yeah. But I can move. Yes, I can move him to here. I can move push to scatter. Right. Save him for one space. Yeah, well, that's fine. One turn. But I did it anyway. But then I can also do good time. But then I can also do that. The Revelry thanks you. yes. god, Dave. Fuck you, Dave. You're not making it home tonight. The Revelry operates out of dark too. So that was the concept we just watched. you ready for this, bad? Huh? Are you ready for this? Just go. Here we go. Yeah. In the fucking plank king. Sweet. Alright. Kind of nerds. So. Hey. We're gonna start this off by advancing him one space. Nice. Let's go, Katoa. We're then gonna double tail whip nipples straight out of there. fuck you, nipples! Thank you. Nipples is your guy. I don't give a shit on with Dan now. He's focusing on the That's the only way I can win. And then we shall advance him one more space. Nice. Goodbye. That was fucking brutal. That's how you do it. I love this game now. Well done, crit roll. Fuck Dan's gonna win. Yeah, pretty easily. Now the game makes sense. I like the game when I'm winning. I fucking hate it when I'm losing. I'm hanging in there with Jesus. What a great game. However, well a fucking alien. Thank you. I'm afraid it is my turn. It is your turn. And the first thing I'm gonna do is fuck that guy. Yeah. Fuck him up. shit. Splevin. Jeremy. Jeremy turns the table. Everything was. That helps no one. Just staying right here. To be fair, this table is pretty long K, it's okay. Fuck. This sucks so much ass. Jesus walked. One of Daddy's hairs. Super fan. He picked up the model that Daddy. You know what I'm saying? He's just a big dog. I'm like, yeah, he is. Wolf. yeah, a big wolf. No wolf. Can't do that. I'll do everything I can to protect this little shit bag. I will do everything in my power to destroy him. Son of a bitch. Yeah, I've screwed myself here. Cheatin'. Fucking. No, never, this isn't Cluedo. Only cheating, Cluedo. Fugin, but slime all down, drop dead. Yeah. Yeah, stare. The summoning wouldn't work. They're all just dead now. Ba-ba-da-da da da da da da da doing snow angels. Snow screams. Welcome to welcome to thirty percent of the show is Jay Thinking. Yeah. All I can do is scamble that the cards that you have will play into what I'm about to do. So it may open up an opportunity, it may fucking lose the game. I don't know. I love it. I fucking love it. But I'm going to push me winning. I'm gonna push this guy over here. Hopefully you have something that can get little purple dude out of fucking dodge here and away from like a like a double I don't know fucking double something something and then a and then a swappy placey something like that. Swappy placey. Swappy placey double something something. Double something something, swappy placey. Go. Good good job. Win the game. Win the game. Win game, guy. Come on, Jesus. So you don't want to advance in one space? huh. You can do it, Lauren. You can win the game. You better do something 'cause I'm gonna fuck up next turn. Yeah, buddy. God. It's gonna be bad. I mean all I can do is push him forward one. You can you can push him forward too. Out of the way more. No, because it's not an open space. yeah. Hmm. No but he no but they they as long they can push into that as long as they can push that one. sorry, he can push that one. No, is it not in the same direction? Yeah it's got it. No, it's got each other. My apologies you're right. My bad. See I know the rules. It doesn't say it has to be in one direction. What what does the push card look like? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Push shows straight line. Yeah, so straight line. As long as you can push them out. No heel mates for poor Jesus. I'm out. Nope. Nope. I mean you're just winning the game for Dan. It ain't got shit to do with you. Unless unless you could take out all the red no, y'all. Yeah, come on, let's all gang up on him. He's the new guy. I mean I guess you guys share the fucking win. Looking bitch move. Lamp three. Yeah. One, two, three. No, that's that's a move him, not a tail lamp. No, he's playing it! He's playing it! Thought that was a whip. My bad. my god, what the fuck? yeah. I fucked this up royally. yeah. I fucked it up royally. Actually, I can still do. I mean either way it goes, you're gonna fucking win. Yeah. One, two, three. Yeah, so so in that moment you won the game. Yeah. So like even though that guy got killed after Yeah. When you won the game? Yes, because I am both colors still standing. Well both of you won the game because you share We shared that guy. With him. So Yeah. Are we Jake and Dan? All right. Ukatoa. Ukatoa. Ukatoa. No, you don't get to do it. No, you don't get to do that. Only winners. You're the sacrifices to Katoa. Yeah, fuck. Double them. Alright. That was Ukatoa. Darrington Press. And that's all for let's well, what do we think? Out of what do you say? Hum I'm gonna give it four out of five daggers. I'll do the same. Yeah, four out of five. Yeah. Four daggers. Yeah, sounds good. We can't give everything five off the board as otherwise you'll never play another game. Four out of five daggers ain't bad. Play it, it's good. I like it. Alright. Once you know how to play it. And we'll see you next time for the Let's Play. Woo! Uka Toa. Uka Toa! I like it, I will play it again. I like it a lot. Ooh, Katoa. my god. I can't believe it was rubbing little man on my nipples.