Shane: Well, right now we are in a series that we're calling Crucial Conversations. And a crucial conversation is just a conversation where we know that the stakes are high, emotions sometimes can be Jon Henninger: Yeah. Shane: strong, and it's really important that the outcome comes out successfully. And today's conversation probably isn't even gonna sound like a c a crucial conversation at first, but I would argue that I think it is. And the conversation is do I really need other people in my life? And I think that most Christians would say yes, but If you looked at our calendars, it would oftentimes tell a different story. Because we attend church and we know people, we shake hands, but being known and being connected aren't always the same thing. And today I get the pleasure of talking to my brother-in-law, John Hinniger. He is the lead pastor at Central Christian Church in Mount Vernon, and he is one of my best friends. in the entire world. And John, one of the things that I love about your church is and I might mess up the saying, but help me out here, is you guys have a saying that says relationships matter because they lead to the relationship that matters the most. Is that right? Or is that close? Jon Henninger: Yeah, yeah, that's real close. So we say relationships matter most because they lead us to the relationship that matters most. Shane: Well, I love that. Why has that just become a core value of Central? Jon Henninger: Relationships are one of those things, like you said in your intro, I mean, it's one of those things that, you know, we think are nice, but is it really necessary, right? Like I can be, I can be a lone wolf, I can be a maverick, my own man, well, whatever it is. But especially, I mean, it's a rare thing among men, right, that we would open ourselves up to relationships. But even just in general, I think we see it as a nicety, not a necessity, right? And but it's for sure, I mean, if you look at the Bible. It's like relationships matter most is a biblical concept. That's a tool that God most often uses to bring people to faith and to strengthen us in our faith in the daily walk. Shane: Yeah, and you know, I think a lot of times people say, Well, I go to church, why why would I need to do more than that? Why do I need to join a group at Central or just in general? What do you see that happens in community or happens in groups that doesn't happen in that weekend service? What is it that people are missing? Jon Henninger: I mean, there are there's relationships are that access piece, right? I mean, like there's just a lot of things that you'll never have access to in somebody else's life or that they'll have access to in your life without that relationship component. And it's one of those things that the longer you're in it, the I don't know, the more open you become or the more valuable the relationship becomes, right? I mean, like you and I have been friends for twenty three years. Shane: Yeah. Jon Henninger: And it was just wild. but I mean, there's things I know about you I've w walked Shane: They don't have to know all of that. Jon Henninger: I've walked in with you. and likewise, I mean, that you've seen in me or walked through with me. I mean, that just don't happen in a casual friendship that you meet somebody and they're gone the next day or whatever. I mean, like there's just a there's a depth to understanding. There's I just think there's a a ton of value to not just a relationship, but those those lasting relationships that I mean, you know, what does the Bible say, right? Iron sharpens iron, so friend sharpens friends. So that only happens over time. And so as we develop those lasting relationships, God uses those to sharpen us in our faith walk and really to better us in every way of life. It's not I mean, it's not just a faith thing, it's primarily a faith thing, but it's not just Shane: Mm-hmm. Jon Henninger: a faith thing. I mean, relationships make us better. give us the access to things in every area of our life. Shane: For sure. It I'm I tell you things that I'm not gonna tell other people in life and if I'm coming to your church, I'm not gonna tell the door greeter the things that I'm really struggling with. It's gotta have that layer Jon Henninger: Sure. Shane: of trust. Jon Henninger: Yeah, right. A hundred percent. And I mean, I think a lot of times we look at acquaintances like relationships, you know, and it I it is some level of relationship, but that's not that's not the transformative relationship, right? Shane: Right. You know, and it's always disappointing. I I love whenever somebody comes to church for the first time and they're excited, they're loving church. But I'm sure you've seen moments, we've all seen moments where somebody all of a sudden they you you look back and they've not been to church for months. They're completely disconnected. Now looking back, do you ever feel like there were signs that the people started to disconnect relationally before? disconnect relationally before they started to disconnect spiritually. Have you ever seen that? They didn't get plugged in and Jon Henninger: Sure, I mean specifically in the church, there's a ton of data out there. I don't have the exact numbers, but it means a high percentage where like if somebody new comes to your church and they don't have meaningful relationships, like three meaningful relationships and a sense of purpose within the first year, the chances of them leaving are way high. But if they find three meaningful relationships and a sense of purpose within that first year, then they're a whole lot more likely to stick around, to buy into what's being to buy into what's going on and to see their lives changed because of it. And so, I mean, there's a especially talking about church world stuff, there's huge importance to having relationships. But to answer your question, I don't know. I mean, I think for sure, right? I mean we see when people are depressed or struggling with stuff, kind of sometimes our natural reaction is to become reclusive to to remove ourselves from relationships for sure. Like when we're caught up in when we're caught up in stuff we shouldn't be, when we're living a life that we shouldn't be, we're for sure gonna remove ourselves from the people who know us best, the people who could call Shane: Right. Jon Henninger: us out on it, you know? and so yeah, that's just a natural progression or regression, I guess. Shane: yeah, absolutely. Now you've been in this role right now and there's so many people who are in leadership positions and I think a lot of times leadership can be one of the loneliest things in the world. just feeling Jon Henninger: One one is the loneliest number, Shane. Shane: That's that's true. who who do you who right now who would you say has had the biggest influence on your your your spiritual growth in your life and how did that relationship come about? Jon Henninger: like one single relationship that's had a lot of spiritual growth influence in my life, is that what you're saying? Shane: Yep. Yep. Jon Henninger: I mean, there's a lot of people on that list, you know. I mean, but I would say truly, I would say probably my wife. and a big, big reason for that is just the level of access, right? I mean, like she knows what I'm like at my worst. And she knows I mean she she just knows she knows everything really about me. and so I think that that is a different level of for sure, at least on the accountability side. Let's say that, right? Shane: Yeah. Uh-huh. Jon Henninger: and and I think with the accountability comes development. And so while it might not be necessarily a specific like, well, she really showed me this scripture and revealed this godly truth to me, you know, it wasn't like that. But I mean, I think just the access. that we have to each other's lives has been probably the most shaping thing in my life. But of course there's a a long list of, you know, godly grandparents and being raised in a Christian house and you know, people like your parents, you. I mean there's a lot of a lot of people in my life that have had for sure sharpening shaping influence on my life in a spiritual sense. How about you, Shane? Shane: gosh. there's been a lot throughout the years. I think one of the biggest impacts f for me was probably the youth pastor that I had growing up, Justin Cook. I kind of learned from him growing up, I felt like Christianity was more of a checkbox. It was the things that okay, I'm a Christian, so these are the things that I do and then these are the things that you don't do. And he showed me that Christianity was about a relationship and you know, even growing up in a preacher's being a preacher's kid, you would think that that was just a given, but until that relationship aspect came along, that completely changed me and then stayed in contact with him all throughout college. I did an internship with him. He performed my wedding. So he's just been one of those guys that has really shaped and molded me. And then of course When tough times hit, he's one of those guys that I I call. He's one of those guys that knows lots of things, things that I struggle with, just like you know. Is it tr Jon Henninger: Yeah. His sister was always when I think of her, she's like a light rain or a dense fog. Shane: I think you're looking at the word misty. Jon Henninger: Go ahead. Shane: We got completely derailed here. So people are listening to this and they're probably about to check out because this conversation has it's gone somewhere it wasn't supposed to go. But for those Jon Henninger: See, on the flip side, I think they're leaning in more right now. Shane: leaning in more like where where are they going with this? There's always gonna be people who say, I don't need to join a group. Why would you tell they're wrong, John? Jon Henninger: No, you don't need to. I mean, they're not wrong. They don't need to. but there's a lot of things that we don't need to do in life, but for sure if we did do it, it would better our lives. And I think groups are one of those things, right? You don't need to. You don't Shane: Mm-hmm. Jon Henninger: absolutely you're not gonna die if you don't join a group. You're not gonna be a not Christian. You're not gonna miss heaven if you don't join a group. Shane: Yep. Jon Henninger: But there are situations and There are just for sure things in life that God designed to be stronger and better in the context of relationship. And groups is one of those places where it's not just any random community. It's not, you know, Cardinal Fan Club or something like that. The, you know, whatever. It's a Christ-centered community. And so even if your group is not like doing a Bible study on the day, there's this common ground of we're building whatever it is on the the foundation of Jesus, right? I mean, like so our conversation can come back to Jesus, our conversation can come back to how are we godlier men, or how can we be godlier people or have a stronger marriage or whatever it is, all in the the light of we're trying to be the godliest people that we can be. That's the that's the nuance of group community within the church, right? I mean it's it's different than other community because of what it's ultimately on. Shane: Mhm. Yeah. whenever we had the pleasure of working together, that was back gosh, can you believe that's been almost it was fourteen years ago that we Yep. And I'd Jon Henninger: That's what Yeah. Shane: just started there and our church was getting ready to go through a small group study called Not a Fan by Kyle Eidelman. And it was a month before that series launched that I was in a terrible accident and Two people were killed in that accident. And I remember as we were getting ready to go into that season where we were going to start this group launch, I was scheduled to lead a group at our house. And just like so many people, I didn't want to do a group. I felt like I had to do that group because that was the expectation or that was the required requirement of me. But I wanted no part of leading that group or being in a group, being with people who I didn't even really know. I think there was only one other couple in that group that I had a relationship with. And so forced conversation whenever I was hurting it felt like the last thing in the world that I wanted. Well but Jon Henninger: Yeah. Yeah. Shane: man, looking back, God put those people in our life at just the right time because he knew exactly what we needed. We didn't realize how much we needed community at that time. And so that's why I'm such a big a a big advocate for why people need to join groups because I've seen the difference that it it can make. you know, we ended up started off as a group of strangers and ended up with some friends that we still talk to all these years later, even though we live hundreds of miles apart. we've gone on vacations with them and I think that's the a part of group life that people just don't even realize is you're gonna get people that aren't just in your life group but do life with you and are Jon Henninger: Yeah. Shane: there for those good times, like a vacation, but are also there in the toughest times and you know the tough times they're gonna come. Jon Henninger: Yeah. I think sometimes when people think about groups in church, they almost take on this like, I'm not really into forced friendship. You know, Shane: Yeah. Jon Henninger: like what would you know, make me be friends with people? Like it like Shane: Mm-hmm. Jon Henninger: yeah, and sometimes I think we do we do create like those lifelong friendships like what you're talking about. Other times it's just hey, I'm hanging out with some people that I wouldn't normally hang out with for six, eight, ten weeks, whatever you guys do for for groups, sessions. Shane: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Jon Henninger: And like, so there's not this guarantee that being in a group, you're gonna find a new best friend that you've got for life that you can tell your deepest, darkest secrets to, or even that you have to tell any secrets to like this group of people. But sometimes allowing yourself to engage in a group gives God the opportunity to introduce you to somebody who might be that in your life. Who might there might be a natural connection that God has aligned that by you not taking the step to get into a group, you are essentially, you know, preventing God from making that connection in the way that he had planned. Shane: Absolutely. Yep. And that actually ties along with what Casey talked about this past weekend whenever she talked about Aquila and Priscilla and how they came alongside of Apollo. So it's probably not a connection that most people would have naturally like, you guys are gonna be great friends, but they were God placed them in Apollo's life at just the right time and they were able to come alongside of him and help him to grow growing his knowledge and also his ability to go out and tell other people about Jesus. And so yeah, it's a bonus if we end up getting lifelong best friends, but also sometimes those people just can be there to come alongside of us and help us grow and also just, like you said, be there for that season. Jon Henninger: Yeah, for sure. And I mean there's I don't know what all Casey talked about, but I mean there's just so much to the story with Priscilla and Aquila, right? But I mean i I think giving it a chance is the first step to creating some sort of a lifelong friendship. And that's a lot that's what groups is. But I think, you know, Paul and Priscilla and Aquila could have met in Corinth, right or wherever they were Corinth, Shane: Uh-huh. Jon Henninger: and you know, hey, I'm a tent maker Cool, me too, man. And like, you Shane: Yeah. Jon Henninger: know what do we what do we do from here? Like they could have seen each other as competition and not engaged Shane: Absolutely. Jon Henninger: in any kind of any further relationship, but I think it was their willingness to explore like what does God want to do with this partnership that led to some really cool stuff. Shane: that's yeah. That's really good. I like the tent maker competition cool Jon Henninger: Yeah. Cool, dude. Shane: Yeah. well, that's really all that I've got for us. I appreciate your your time. Thanks for talking about relationships. I'm Jon Henninger: Yeah, well Shane: th I'm thankful for our relationship. Jon Henninger: Ditto. I love you so much. Alright, bro. See ya bye. Shane: Yep, love you too. Have a great day. Bye.