Andy: Hello everyone, I'm Andy and Mark: Rock. Andy: this is speaking shite. Mark: Well, we can wait on that for two minutes because dentistry in Sweden is horribly expensive. Andy: yeah, I know, it's ridiculous. But everything is getting that way. Mark: It was a hundred quid for a checkup. A checkup. A hundred pounds. Andy: yeah actually last time I went to the dentist I came out about 150 quid. Mark: So I need two fillings. Andy: They didn't do them today. Mark: No, it's just a checkup. Andy: they're doing the old fucking bait and switch. They charge you to come in and then they'll charge you again to come in for the fillings. Mark: Yes and the fillings are... Andy: That's going to set you back 800 quid each or 800 crowns each. Mark: 800 crowns I'll be happy if it was that no it's 200 pounds apiece Andy: you are joking me. No, that's wrong. Mark: 2600 Kronor apiece. Andy: room. Mark: was not because in Sweden all dentists charge the same price. There is no price Andy: That doesn't make it right. Mark: list per dentist. If you need a filling, it's a particular code and the health authorities set what the price is. Andy: doesn't make it right, that just makes it communism. Mark: Why do I it's communism? It sounds a lot more like capitalism to me. Andy: It's communism run by capitalists. Everyone shall have the equal opportunity to be poor. Mark: So yeah, that was, Christ. So it's gonna be an expensive November. Andy: Well, last time, I mean, I had fillings, or a filling at least, while I was working at Northvolt, and it didn't come in at two and a half thousand. Mark: Yeah, but maybe you had health insurance at North Vault. Andy: that's true, yeah I did have deductibles. Mark: Yes, exactly. So that's why. So yeah, whatever you do, don't eat too many sweets. Or if you do, you need to do your own dentistry. Andy: It's Halloween. I've had to eat five kilos of sweets that children never came and collected. Mark: Actually, I did have children who came over at Halloween. There was a whole bloody crowd of them outside the door. It was lucky I bought two bags of sweets. Andy: Well I didn't buy any and nobody came knocking. Mark: alright. Yeah, well they probably know from last year it's just not worth it, that miserable old goat. Andy: I'm gonna go on that Minch bag lips there. Mark: Exactly. No, so yes, I did have visitors and they had made an effort, actually. One of them was Mr Blobby. Andy: Yeah, I think they're getting the American influence where they don't understand what Halloween means and they dress up as like a plumber or whatever their fucking dad does for a living. It should be zombies, witches Mark: Do you know what? Do you know what Mary Stewart? Andy: and vampires. That's what Halloween is all about. Mark: You're right, but do you know what Mary Stewart, you know the industrialist in America? Andy: I thought Mary Stewart was actually one of the three degrees. Mark: wasn't that her name? The one who got sent to prison for insider trading? Anyway, she dressed up as a homeless person thinking that was a good idea. I mean, Jesus Christ, these people. And I don't know what it was. I mean, why I see a feed of what Heidi Klum, the model, wore as a Halloween outfit. Andy: Very little, I imagine. Mark: Well, no, you didn't see it. How did you escape that? She... Andy: No. We obviously look at different porn sites. Mark: Well clearly. Well the ones I look at, was, it was actually on the BBC News funnily enough. She dressed up as a severed hand. So two of the fingers were her legs. Andy: Excellent. Mark: And the sort of the main wrist activity. was her body and there was a bit of bone hanging off and blood and gristle and such it was a pretty monstrous sort of thing but you think how do people make such an effort to just have a bloody Halloween costume what is wrong with just a white sheet and a couple of eyes Andy: Well, you're not actually allowed to do that anymore unless you've got an equal and opposite number of black sheets. Mark: I don't think that's true Andy, I think that's... Andy: because you can't just have white ghosts, you know? Mark: I I wouldn't actually dress up as a Clu Clux Clan potential member actually in America. Though I'm sure these days it's perfectly acceptable. And now in fact here's a question for you talking about that. I was thinking about it just the other day. Andy: What joining? Mark: No. Where does the name Clu Clux Clan come from? Don't pretend you know if you don't because I mean it's quite... Andy: I don't know. No, I don't know Mark: Yeah, where does clue clucks come from? Andy: I don't know, but I imagine, well, I don't want to speculate. But Mark: Yeah. Andy: I want to stick to the Halloween bit because there was an interesting story about the great British police. who attended a house where there was a sign outside saying, dead inside, don't enter. Which anyone who's ever watched The Walking Dead will know Mark: Word. Andy: that that was what was written on the hospital doors in episode one. But no, the police turned up mob handed. Mark: not responding to the sign on Halloween. Andy: responding to a phone call from a member of the public concerned that a mass murderer was advertising his services on the streets this very Halloween eve. Yeah. Mark: How hopelessly stupid are these people? Andy: How hopelessly stupid are the police? Mark: That's what I mean. the, well, the member of public, I mean, was probably some old codger, was probably someone of her age, Andy, who didn't like the kids having fun. Andy: Well, mean, possibly, I mean, fucking hell. And I don't know if you might have seen it because I know that you sometimes see Trevor's post. He posted quite a disturbing video of the British police in action today that I saw on my feed. Mark: And now I haven't looked, I've been busy having my teeth looked at. Andy: It was in Liverpool and there were some police. Well, Mark: Do I want to know what they were doing? Andy: they were arresting children, basically. mean, obvious young teenagers. And one of them was being held on the floor by some bearded fucking thug in a police uniform who, while the kid was basically incapacitated, pulled out his handcuffs, you know, the ones with the solid bit in the middle, used Mark: Yeah. Andy: them as a knuckle duster and punched him like three or four times. with his handcuffs. Fucking licensed thugs. Mark: They're not doing well today because there was also the news story of the report that covered the incident where that poor fellow, I can't remember his name actually, he phoned the police to say that he had been stabbed. Andy: that's right. said, I've been stabbed. I don't think so. Mark: when they arrived or don't think so and they arrested they tried to arrest it well they did arrest him but in fact in doing so they killed him Andy: Yeah. Yeah, I don't think so, mate. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Mark: he kept saying repeatedly I can't breathe I can't breathe you should have thought of that and he was the victim he was the victim Andy: should have thought of that before you got stabbed. Yeah, but you know, it's like they wouldn't dare arrest someone who's been accused of anything unless they were white English. Because it's like they're... Mark: What do mean this fellow? No, this fellow was a colourful chap. He was black. Andy: But the protagonist was a Sikh, the Mark: Who's the protagonist? Andy: guy who did the stabbing. And he was accusing the guy who was stabbed of racism. Mark: I see. Anyway, whatever. that's Andy: And the kid who got punched by the handcuffs, he was just a white teenage kid. They wouldn't do it if it was anything else because then that would be all over the fucking 10 o'clock news. Police brutality. Yeah, Mark: Yeah, I don't really follow that line Andy, but anyway. Andy: you don't have to follow it, but it's true. Mark: The truth according to Andy. Andy: The truth according to the world we live in. What is fantastic? Mark: Is this good news? A Swede? No? Andy: No, it's the millions of people in Ukraine and Russia who got emergency nuclear alerts on their telephones. No, Mark: That's right, who did that? Was it the Russians or was it who hacked an app or something? Andy: nobody knows because it happened in Russia and the Ukraine, but the alerts themselves are quite hilarious. Mark: What do mean? was a hack. wasn't actually someone had pressed the wrong button and they warning. Andy: I was a hack. no, no, no. is this if you look a bit deeper into if they can hack your emergency broadcast system, why the hell are you trying to get everyone's secret stuff online? So I just stop stop pretending that you've got secure systems. But the Russian emergency situation system. It came up as basically missile threat. Don't worry. Nuclear warheads have been launched on P1 sun carriers across all regions of Russia. Urgently stock up on food for three weeks and hide in your damn basements. Otherwise you'll be blown to bits. It's fucking pet's word for word. I Mark: It doesn't say that, does it really? Christ. Andy: mean, clearly it's been translated. Hopefully it was in Russian. But I mean, basically. Mark: Yes, and hopefully not by a very good translate. You get blown to bits. Andy: No, but that's the least of your problems if you're under a nuclear warhead. Mark: god. yeah. But no anyway so so that was going on. No mentioned a Swede. Did you see? I couldn't quite believe it. A Swede won the New York Marathon. Did you see that? Andy: What? No, I don't follow that nonsense. I don't look at the news. Mark: It's in the news. I'm an athletic supporter, I just thought it was pretty impressive that a Swedish bloke won the New York Marathon. I was going to say, Andy: had they banned all Ethiopians or something. Mark: I mean I don't think it's racist to say that obviously the most successful long-distance runners tend to be from Andy: You Mark: Ethiopia or Kenya. So I think he did quite well. And I think the bloke who was second was an Italian. Andy: Were they native Italian or were they naturalised Italian and Swedish? Mark: what you're trying to ask in a delicate... he was white, let's put it like that I mean that's what you were asking no no no he was a Swede, Andy: I, you racist, didn't know, I don't know what you're getting at. Mark: Swede, Swede yes not white Anglo-Saxon what would it be in Sweden? Yeah, because the term Anglo-Saxon obviously has got nothing to do with Scandinavia. White Nordic. Andy: Yeah. Mark: Anyway, he did well. He won the New York Marathon. Andy: Well, well done. Mark: Yes. But no, the news has been dominated by obviously the midterms coming up and that I can't remember his name. Who is the non-practicing, but he's a doctor. El Saeed, the fellow who's running I think in Minnesota. Andy: No idea. Mark: and the Democrat who didn't get selected yesterday came out supporting the Republican candidate. Andy: rather than. Mark: So rather than the Democratic candidate who won the preliminary primary or whatever you call it, and all of her staff have instantly resigned saying it's outrageous. And the first thing that came into my head was how much. The, apparently the election, you know this Tallahassee fellow, whatever his name is, Tallerico chap. That election campaign, $500 million. Andy: This is ridiculous. Mark: five hundred million dollars. I think it's Texas actually that he is standing in. And the polls are... Andy: How does anything in the world cost $500 million? Mark: It's just endless bombardment of newspaper, television ads, radio ads. Andy: Who do they think actually reads that shit or watches that shit? Mark: Well, we'll see. We'll see if Texas, which I think has been Republican for donkey's years, if that actually gets into the hands of the Democrats, then it obviously, though of course it's not it's not Tallarico that has been spending the money. It's his, it's his opposition, Republican opposition fellow. Andy: Yeah, because they don't actually promote themselves, they denigrate the other side. Mark: To a great extent, yes, but I can't remember how much Elon Musk is putting into the election. But however much it is, it's, you a trillion or whatever it is. I think it's one and a half billion. Andy: No, I think last time he supported Trump, was only about 40 or 50 million. Mark: No, no, this time it's... When you look at the federal contracts that Elon Musk enjoys, if he spends a billion dollars on getting the Republicans, or keeping the Republicans in power, it's an absolute bargain compared to what he gets out of the government. So the whole thing is... Andy: Well, let's hope it pays to furnish his prison cell and it all comes on top. Mark: Well, I mean, you know, as we've said so many times before, fingers crossed, there's some sense that comes out of it, but one can only suspect not. But anyway, we live in hope. So there's that going on. I spent the weekend in Stockholm, which was quite exciting. Andy: Yeah, who was it you actually went to see or what was it you actually went to see where you had to clap along with the rock and roll sweets? I meant to ask Mark: Yeah, it- Andy: you actually, your friend who went to Las Vegas to see Metallica. Mark: Yes. Andy: Did he clap along to Metallica? Mark: No, I don't think you clap along to Metallica actually. Andy: You've never obviously been to a Pink Floyd concert in Sweden. Mark: Don't be ridiculous. People don't... Andy: I'm sorry but when I went to see the Pink Floyd thing at Dalhalla, P Mark: Cover band P Floyd. Andy: Floyd, as soon as another brick in the wall came on the whole place was... Mark: Really? Andy: It was fucking horrible to watch and Roger Waters, if he was dead, would have turned in his fucking grave. Mark: I don't remember that because I went to see, I might have gone there with you, I saw them at least twice or three times. Andy: No, we didn't go together. Mark: No. But you know, it's fair enough, everybody was having a good time when they were playing a couple of ABBA numbers, people were up and dancing in the aisles. Andy: Sorry, who were you watching? Mark: So yeah, so I think medley is the wrong word. It was a Andy: a mashup. Was it a mashup? Mark: mashup of Broadway and Hollywood sort of musicals. It was basically... Andy: so it was basically a pride march. Mark: Why do you say that? What's that got to do with musicals? Andy: you Mark: You idiot. Anyway, so that's what it was. It was a selection of, you know, there was a bit of Phantom of the Opera. There was, as I say, a couple of ABBA things from Mamma Mia and God knows what. Andy: Dancing queen, by chance. Mark: No, it wasn't actually. I don't think so. I can't remember that. Anyway, you know, I mean, it was a good little show. I enjoyed it. And, you know, I... It's just because we're old and English that the idea of sort of dancing in front of your seat is really just not our thing. Andy: There shouldn't be seats at a concert or a gig. it's… Mark: Well was held in a bloody theatre for Christ's sake. Don't tell me you've Andy: Rip him out. Mark: never been to a concert and held a lighter up in front of you. Andy: No. What kind of sheepified nonsense is that? Fucking li- Mark: Anyway, as I say, it was a step out from the Robbie Williams concert that I got dragged to a few years ago. Andy: You shouldn't really admit that when we're live. Mark: What do mean? He's a popular artist, isn't he? Is he still doing his stuff? Andy: He's still very popular but I think he's still got the same fans today that he had 25 years ago. I Mark: Well that's alright. Andy: don't think he's got any new ones. So his fan base is getting older and older. Mark: We can't criticise people about their demographics of their fan base. For God's sake. I'd be more than happy to have some fans that have been following us for the last five years. Is it five years? Andy: We have got some very faithful fans, Mark: Yeah, you're right, we do actually. Five years, for God's sake. Yeah. Andy: Yeah, I know. Easy. Mark: So, yes, what else is in the news? was that Learjet shit that crashed in Mar-a-Lago. Andy: I have won that crash near Mar-a-Lago. Mark: That sounded really terrible. I mean, the pilot, didn't obviously hear it, I don't want to listen to these things, but he was literally Andy: It was a lady pilot. Mark: saying, we're going down, we can't do anything, we're going down or something. 32,000 feet to the ground. That is a long way. That doesn't take 10 seconds. That takes a couple of minutes I would imagine. Andy: it depends whether or not you were accelerating at the time. Mark: 32,000 feet, no, no, that's gotta take a minute or two. Andy: If you're accelerating and you've got gravity helping. Mark: anyway yeah yeah so that was pretty frightening and no no we must have that terrible train crash in in spain Andy: Yeah. Mark: i think we've talked about that but Andy: Greece are having it bad at the moment, especially in Rhodes, with Mark: why what's happening in roads. Andy: some severe storming and flash flooding. Although Mark: Are they really? Andy: it's past their holiday season, but Rhodes is where the Greeks go for their holiday. Mark: Was it? Andy: It's one of the most beautiful of the Greek islands, Roros. Mark: Rodos, have you ever been there? How do they let you in? Andy: I lived in Greece at the time. I probably looked a bit Greek. Mark: I see, so they couldn't get... they'd have to deport you. Andy: I probably looked a bit Greek and I was on a local. Well, it was the guy who I used to work for, George, his brother was the captain of a yacht, private yacht. And he brought the yacht round to our island, Aegina, where we lived. And he took us all off to Rhodos for a... few nights partying. It's quite fun. Mark: I think it's still a very popular place still, Rhodos. Andy: yeah, absolutely, but it's one of the more expensive Greek islands, bit like Mykonos, but... Mark: I've never been to Greece. Andy: Really? I've spent many a good year there. Mark: No. My mate who I was talking to earlier today, he's just come back from Istanbul and he said that's a bit hectic. Andy: Turkey I've been to but I would prefer Greece any day. Mark: Well, he was saying that the thing that really worked him up was you're walking along the street and Andy: Thank Mark: Istanbul is full of tourists and full of restaurants and they're so desperate to get punters into the restaurants. They're literally shoving menus into your hands. You look hungry. Come on, eat here. It's fantastic food. It's really good price. And, you know, after... Two or three attempts you get a bit pissed but after 200 attempts every single restaurant you walk past people trying to drag you in It's like Andy: Man. Mark: it's like I was gonna say not bay of angels. What was that place string fellows? Andy: the Cabaret of Angels. Mark: cabaret of angels didn't they have girls that used to stand on the street and beckon you in Andy: No, no they did not. We were far too classy for that. Mark: were they? Alright, good. Is he still alive? We always talk about this fellow, I don't even know... He died did he? Andy: Peter Stringfellow, no, he's not. Yeah, his daughter owns the club now. Mark: Alright. Is she into young boys? Has she got a 50, what's legal, 16 year old boy? Andy: I never met her. I never met her, so I don't know. Mark: Yes. Anyway, I wonder if these storms are something new or it's just they weren't reported. Floods and things. Andy: I doubt they're new new. But mean Spain's been having it as well this year as well, they? They've had some quite severe flooding. Mark: Yeah they have, bad, and Italy. You know, seeing cars being swept down the street under your apartment, bloody hellfire. Anyway, what else is happening? So have we done enough Trump? Andy: Erm, we haven't touched Trump. Mark: you're right, we haven't touched on Trump. I think he's getting nervous. As he should be. Andy: Well, he's still attacking Norway. In fact... Mark: is he? I didn't know he'd had another go at what? Not because of the Nobel Peace Prize? Andy: Yeah, yeah, And he said it's not a great country. In fact, it's a bit of a shithole. Mark: no, that's right, I did see that. And yet, on every metric, Norway outperforms America Andy: Yeah. Mark: hands down. Andy: Yes. Medical charges? Zero. Mark: It's a bit of a sh- Andy: Education charges? Zero. Mark: Exactly. He didn't actually say that. Norway is a bit of a shit. Andy: He said shithole. this is a guy who's supposed to be a world class diplomat. His position Mark: Yeah. Andy: demands that he is one of the best negotiators and diplomatic people on the planet. And what happens? Mark: Yeah. Andy: He gets the fucking tantrums and he calls your country a shithole. Mark: I saw one of his... in fact, I'll tell you what it was. It was the failed press correspondent or whatever her title was for the three days she Andy: yeah, she tried to defend herself. Mark: had... on Piers Morgan. Andy: and Doug is, I mean I can't stand that fucking paedophile wanker. Yeah, he's a cunt. Mark: who peers Morgan. don't hold back Andy. Andy: Well, it was him who had Milly Dowler, her telephone hacked. Mark: though he's never been found guilty of that particular charge. Andy: well it was, he's personally responsible for closing down the news of the world isn't he? He was the editor at the time. Mark: He was the editor in charge. Yes, you're right. Andy: and that was what closed them down. whatever he was or was not personally responsible for, he's fucking personally responsible. Mark: Yes, yeah, you mean he should have known what was going on and there is obviously a good chance that he did know allegedly. Allegedly. Yeah, well he's got his Andy: He absolutely knew what was going on. No, not allegedly. Mark: own show. What TV channel is he on? Andy: Jimmy Savile had so many TV shows. Mark: Well yes, that's true. yes, of course, talking about Jimmy Savile and Russell Brandt. I Andy: Mm. Mark: mean, who makes up these things? So he comes out of court and says, consent is... absolutely critical in any physical contact with women. What the fuck is... I mean, you've just had a line of women saying it was far from consensual and he said I think it's very important. Andy: Yeah, yeah, but what he's saying is, no, no, what he's saying is, obviously it wouldn't, it wasn't him because he wouldn't do it without consent. I mean, look at his track record. I'd Mark: No, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Andy: like to see any signed form of consent that any ex of Russell Brand has ever been issued with. Mark: Well hang on a second Annie, I wouldn't mind seeing a few forms of consent signed by some of the women you've been with and I don't think you'll find too many in circulation. Andy: Luckily they don't know my true identity. Mark: You had hair in those days. Andy: Well now I have masks. Mark: Fuck. So no, and in fact I was actually surprised that he was already giving evidence because the trial has only been going about three or four days and there was a long list of women that had accused him. Andy: It's more than three or four days. mean, we've spoken about Russell Brand in at least our last two episodes. Mark: I see, so it is a couple of weeks is it? Andy: I'd say at least a week anyway. But how many women do you need to make a case? Really, only one. Mark: Yes, you should only need one, but the thing is that in a lot of instances where it's his word against hers, then if you have a multitude of accusers, then you can't avoid the obvious pattern that is developing. So there's definitely strength in having a lot of people. Andy: I would imagine also they've got some held in reserve in case he gets off with this. Mark: Yes, Russell Brand. He's married now, apparently. Andy: He's been married, he was married to Katy Perry a little while ago. Mark: Katy Perry the singer? Andy: Yes. Mark: Alright. Huh? Is she still a thing? Andy: And it would have been interesting if she would have come forward with some information. Mark: Yeah. Andy: But think she's, I don't know if they're married, but she's with Orlando Bloom now. Mark: Katy Perry is together with the actor Orlando Bloom. Andy: Yeah, as far as I know. Mark: Well I would say that's a very good trade. Russell Brand is a bit old and a bit, you know, unin... Andy: Well he's a junkie soap doctor isn't he? Mark: Is a junkie soap what? Andy: He was a heroine addict before he got into the acting and comedy stuff. How do you not? Mark: How do you know that? Or is it... Russell Brown was a heroin addict. Andy: Yes. Mark: I don't think Orlando Bloom is. He looks like a pretty clean living individual, but you don't... God! Andy: he's definitely a cokehead. mean you don't... He's got coke money, he doesn't need smack. Mark: Well what's more expensive Coke or smack? Andy: Okay. Mark: It's more expensive than schmack. Andy: Yeah smack you buy a 10 pound bag you will never get a 10 pound bag of cocaine. Mark: Alright, okay. So is that what you're suggesting? That Orlando Bloom is a cokehead? Poor fellow. Andy: Allegedly, I don't know because obviously I know nothing about drugs. Mark: Is that as a result of him going out with Katy Perry? Do you have to be a cokehead to going out with Katy Perry? Andy: I would imagine it helps because I've seen it without makeup. Mark: Katy Perry is quite a successful artist though, isn't she? Andy: She is, but I mean she's past her peak as it were. Mark: Well, who hasn't? Andy: Well me obviously, I haven't even got there yet. I don't understand Mark: No, you're right, we're all waiting for you to peek at it. Talking about... Andy: why I haven't taken off. Mark: Talking about peaking, and this is going to be very interesting for you, we have the youngest Formula One world champion in history now. Andy: Well, I saw there was something about that and Hamilton lost Mark: Kimmy Antonelli. Andy: his rag for some reason. He threw his dummy out of the pram. Mark: where he's not happy with the Ferrari team at the moment. Andy: bless. Is that because he couldn't win? Mark: Funnily enough he came second actually. Kimi Antonelli was third but secured the championship. He's only 20 years old. Andy: Yeah. Mark: 20 years old. the thing is Andy: Good on him. Mark: that I think Hamilton has the same number of world championships as Schumacher and I think that's seven and maybe Alan Prost had seven as well I can't remember. But if Antonelli is already world champion at 20 and he's driving Ferrari next, exactly Andy: He's got a long time in front of him. Mark: he could actually you know... Andy: Well, I think probably one reason Hamilton is so upset is because he stopped him from beating Schumacher's record and making F1 history. And if the kid is that good, he's going to stop him next year as well. Mark: Yes, I think actually Hamilton accepted because do you remember that? Well, of course you don't. There was a particular race two or three years ago where the stewards on the last lap changed the rules of racing, which allowed Schumacher to win. And in any other circumstance, if they hadn't changed the rules, literally during the race, one lap from the end, Hamilton would have won that and that would have given him the world champion. for the eighth time. So I think he was, know... Andy: Well, I'm presuming you're talking about Schumacher's son. Mark: Did I say Schumacher? Andy: You did. Mark: no I meant Verstappen, sorry, sorry yeah, no I meant Verstappen, lucky you caught me there, no Schumacher, you're right, Hamilton hasn't been racing too much against Schumacher, so no it was Verstappen who screwed him, and in fact the fellow did get sacked, I can't remember, he was a very senior guy within the FIA or whoever it is, who clearly didn't like Hamilton, Andy: You clearly didn't like Hamilton. Mark: and he literally, he just changed the rules. Andy: Yes, from now on you have to be... How can I say white without sounding like a racist? Mark: Yes, exactly. So anyway, so yes, that was, you know, I actually watched the race. It was in Mexico. Andy: Did you go to Mexico? Mark: No, amazingly these days Andy, they have something that's called television and on Andy: Hmm. Mark: the television you can see things that are happening elsewhere. You don't actually have to be on the site. Andy: Actually, I've been watching that mob land. Mark: now that's quality. Andy: It's another Guy Ritchie one isn't it? Mark: Yeah, so now that's have you seen which series both series is? Andy: I'm up to date. I've just watched episode 7 of series 2 on Friday. Mark: well then that's it, it's finished. Actually episode 6, I think there were only 6 episodes. Andy: No, Seven came out on Friday. Mark: it? Andy: Yeah, and it goes up to 10. Mark: No. Andy: Yes. Mark: How I'd written that off! Andy: Are you falling behind? Mark: well that's good because you I get a bit not... Andy: Because I wondered why it didn't finish. Mark: Well, nobody wasn't there, but it could have finished there and I thought, they're just preparing for the next season. But in fact, they're preparing for the next episode. No, they don't tell people it might upset, might. Andy: because you, you, the last episode you watched, they were probably in Morocco or wherever. Mark: Yeah. Yeah. No, but in fact, I think the best character in that thing is Andy: Yeah, no. Mark: Helen Mirren. I can't even remember her name. What a character, how fantastic to be able to play someone like that. Andy: is the wife, yeah, definitely. Yeah, I wish my mum was like that. Mark: Yeah, I bet you do. And even Piers Brosnum, he does, Andy: You Mark: he plays it very, he must be Irish, I assume. Andy: the proper cycle. Mark: I think he is Irish. Andy: Yeah, I've got one more story at least that I need to talk about. Mark: It better be good. Andy: Unfortunately you're not going to like it because it involves Mark: god. Andy: the name Markle. Mark: Megan Mar yeah, he has has the father been charged with something? Andy: No, not only has he not been charged, but he's been admitted to a US hospital for dementia patients. Which means that he may never face charges of any kind whatsoever. It's the murkiest, dodgiest fucking thing since Harvey Weinstein and his dodgy fucking walking frame on the way to court. Mark: That is quite interesting because I tell you what, you don't catch dementia overnight. It's something that builds up over a very extended period of time and so you don't suddenly end up in hospital. Andy: You certainly don't get it by interfering with children. Mark: No. Andy: yeah, I fucked a kid now, I can't remember anything. No. Mark: Yeah, but that's you can't you can't hold Ma Megan if that's what you were doing responsible for with her father's actions. Andy: I didn't say she was responsive. Mark: I see, I thought that's what we were leading into, a ramble. Andy: But I'm saying that if strings have been pulled, they've been pulled at a higher level than an ex-lighting director. Mark: Who's the ex lighting director? Andy: have fun. Mark: Is that what he was? Andy: Yeah. Mark: Well no, but in whose interest would it be? Andy: Well, I would like to know how, if he's being arrested and charged in the Philippines, he's ended up back in America anyway. Mark: No, they said an American hospital you could be on an American base in the Philippines. He wouldn't have been repatriated, they wouldn't have let him leave. You can't leave a country. Andy: He's been transferred to a specialist memory care facility in Florida. Mark: Yeah. Andy: The same day it was reported that a second child abuse horde had been found. Mark: that's child pornography that he'd been that found, yeah, exactly. Yeah, I read that. Andy: Yes, quite substantial amounts of it apparently. Mark: No, phe these people. you can't assume that everybody living in these places is is a pedo, but It's a bit questionable, isn't it? Though having said Andy: Yeah. Mark: that, apparently I think Vietnam is the place to retire to now. Andy: Well, staying with Marko, he's not only being investigated in the Philippines, but Mexico as well. been at it everywhere. And Vietnam is just another country of victims for these fuckers. Cambodia, Vietnam, anywhere that there's abject poverty. Families are willing to sell their girl children just so the rest of the family can survive. Mark: It wasn't that long ago that I think that literally happened you want to buy my daughter sort of thing. Do you think? I certainly hope Andy: It's still happening. Yep. Mark: not. Andy: Of course it is. We've got more modern day slaves today than we've ever had slaves at any time in the past. Mark: Well no, I I you're right about that, but I mean yeah. Yeah. So yeah, so he's in the news Not to anybody's Yes who's how does he pay for a memory care facility in Florida? Andy: Can you imagine the cost? Mark: Can you imagine the cost? You know how much it costs in England, I've told you. Andy: Yeah. Mark: Seventeen hundred pounds a week. Andy: Probably $1700 a day there. Mark: 'Cause he's not he's not he's not wealthy in any regard. Andy: No. No. No, he's just an ordinary dude. Mark: well you can bet your life that Megan is not paying for it. Andy: but she'll probably have sponsors and besides which I'm sure she'll manage to squeeze a book and a TV series out of it. Mark: You she comes from Essex now, does she, this girl? dear. Well what was the other story? That's not much of a story. Come on, let's have something better. Something uplifting. Andy: Erm, well, Camilla left Mark: Miller. Andy: our King Charles standing in the rain in Antigua watching a cricket match while she fucked off with the umbrella and left him sort of, where's one's umbrella? Where's one's fucking umbrella? Mark: What you mean she got bored of the cricket match? Andy: She just walked off because they had a torrential downpour and he's standing there in a quite light coloured safari suit looking around like, where's my fucking, where's my cover? Where's one's cover? Mark: That's all right. Yes, I didn't want to mention that because I thought you'd go on a bit of a rant about reparations. What? Andy: Why would I? Mark: No, because that's what the debate is about. This speech he's been or I don't know if he's made it or going to make where he's sort of trying to say sorry but without using the word sorry and obviously not suggesting that there's any reparations due. I mean it's a tightrope for him to walk because I think Andy Burnham has said Andy Burnham has said I think I think it's time for us to say sorry, but we don't want to pay any reparations. Andy: It's been done. They've already done this sorry bollocks. And you Mark: Well apparently no. Andy: know it was the British who ended the slave trade. Mark: Yeah. Sort of, yeah. Andy: Yeah, so what more do you fucking want? Alright, I'll tell you what. I apologise wholeheartedly to all the slaves I've ever owned. Mark: Well here's here's a here's a serious question for you. And I can't I still can't get my head around it. The slave traders were being paid compensation by the loss of business Andy: for loss of business, basically. Mark: From the British government No Andy: Slave owners also were compensated. Mark: that's what I mean, slave owners, yeah. The slave owners, owners of slaves, were compensated by the British government, and that compensation was being paid up until twenty fifteen. Andy: 1970 something? Mark: So what no, why should we have to pay rep why were we paying slave owners up until two thousand and fifteen? Yeah, Andy: Yeah, but you know who those slave owners are. Mark: George Osborne and his family. Andy: Yes, exactly. Fucking peers of the realm. But it's just Mark: Eu vou... Andy: another way of bleeding the taxpayer dry. Mark: No, but this is the point. How can you possibly argue against reparation for the slaves, the actual Andy: Yes. Mark: people who suffered, while you're paying the slave owners for loss of profit? Andy: Yes, okay, but then make the slave owners pay any reparations that are due, not the British taxpayer. Mark: No, you're you're damn right. You're damn right. And where it's obviously a straight line genealogy, George Osborne's family made a fortune on the back of slaves dig into his pocket or bank account. Andy: Yes, exactly. Don't fucking put it in the common man's court because he did not have a slave. Mark: But but but sorry, can you explain to me why we were paying compensation up until twenty fifteen? Andy: because it was a way of bleeding the British taxpayer and putting the money back in the pockets of the wealthy. It's like everything. Mark: t to b however absurd that comment seems, it's the only explanation that could possibly be true. Andy: It's the truth is why. It is the truth. How else? it happens at every turn. How can we get more money out of these bastards and put it back in our pockets? Let's have emergency PPE for a COVID thing. And you start a company, you start a company, we'll give you contracts worth 40 billion for writing an app that doesn't work and doesn't exist. And you can, I don't know, just keep cycling around shagging your birds. Mark: anyway, it was just I couldn't believe it. I thought I'd misheard it. I thought they said nineteen fifteen or something. And then they said it again, no, it was twenty fifteen. I wonder how much they were paying. I wonder why why do we not know how much money was paid and to whom to compensate slave owners? Andy: Why should they tell the oiks? We're the ones being robbed, we're not the ones getting the fucking benefits. Mark: that is absolutely tragic. Anyway, there's a lot of talk about it and Prince Charles I think the royal family yeah, sorry, Andy: King. King Charles. Mark: King Charles. I think the royal family must have been one of the biggest beneficiaries of the slave trade, surely. They have to have been. The Windsor's. Andy: Did they actually have slaves? I think they had enough indentured servants. Mark: Well what do you mean you had the no, th it was there was the r royal companies that used to trade in slaves. You know, like the East India Company. It was like the Cornwall of Dutchy Slave Trading Company. Andy: Was it? Mark: No, literally Dutchy of Cornwall Slave Trading Company, that sort of thing. No, no, no, it was literally that blatant. It had a it was a royal company who used to Andy: So they had a royal warrant. Mark: I think they had more than the Royal Warrant. I think they were basically owned by Andy: But then so did Harrods, and they murdered Princess Diana. And Dodie. Mark: Did you know that a member of my family had a royal warrant? Andy: Yes, he was a jeweler wasn't he you said? Mark: Yeah, the jeweller. What do you mean Harrods had a Royal Warrant? Are you insinuating they lost it? Andy: I think they had it taken away at some Mark: Did they? Harrods have lost a royal warrant. Andy: I think so. I think so. I have a memory of it being snatched back during the time of Dodie and I. Mark: Because I was gonna say, who was Dodie's dad? What was his name? Andy: Alpha Ed. Muhammad Alpha Ed. Mark: Muhammad Al Faed, and he was the bad one. He was the one that was abusing all his staff. Andy: Well, yeah, and he was also, I mean, he was another one. He should really never have been allowed in the country. His money was dubious, his past was dubious, his whole personality was dubious. He was just a wrongin'. But he was connected and he obviously paid off the right people. Mark: When you say connected, I have a f I have a feeling that people like that relied more on paying the right people rather than being welcomed into situations. Andy: Yeah, but you need to know who those right people are. So there is definitely a form of connection. Mark: That's I think he's dead now, isn't he, the father? Andy: No great loss to humans. Mark: No. Andy: Are you going to press button? Mark: It's surprising well it's not again it's not surprising. I was gonna say it was surprising the number of on the surface successful people out there who are real, you know, wastes of space, who shouldn't shouldn't be looked up to in any way whatsoever. The number of successful people who are just nasty bad for the simpler way of putting it. abusing their positions and Andy: Coming. Mark: I suppose it happens in all walks of life, but it's just really again you know, we were talking about Russell Brand earlier taking advantage of his celebrity status to drag women into toilets and what really? I suppose the thing is that once you get to a point of having so much money, where do you get your thr your highs from? Where where do you get the excitement? You can't, you don't get excited about watching mob land on television, do you? Andy: Get a fucking hobby that doesn't involve fucking up other people's lives. Mark: Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, when is the I tell I don't know why we keep talking when is Mobland out? What day does that come out? A Monday. it's a Friday, Andy: Fridays, Fridays. Mark: is it? Then there might be an episode for me to No, no, I left on Saturday. shit. Andy: No, look, I'm telling you, if you've only watched up to episode 6, episode 7 came out... Mark: right, okay. Well I'll I'll check it out. I'll check it out. Andy: It may have come out after your bedtime. Mark: Yes, well that's for sure. 'Cause I normally go to bed. I'm going to bed earlier and earlier, for God's sake. I think it's eight eight thirty, nine o'clock sometimes now. Andy: you're getting to be like me. Mark: Yeah, but the thing is you wake up at three o'clock to do your bloody gaming malarkey. Are you still doing that? Andy: I still, I've always got up at that time. It's not going to change now. Mark: You've always got up at four o'clock in the morning. Andy: Well, yeah, well, there was a time when I didn't get to bed until five, but since... So Mark: So you couldn't get up at full Ha Andy: I couldn't really get up before I went to bed. But since living in Sweden, when I stopped with the nightlife, then, yeah, my body still wants to be up all night, basically. Mark: Isn't that strange? Andy: But I like it. It's good to have those hours in the morning. mean, especially when I was working. It's like I could spend four or five hours doing stuff at home before I needed to go to work. And that's good productive time. Mark: You're right, it is quite productive time, that's for sure, but it's just, Good if you're working a night shift. I Andy: So I have to check that message because... Mark: why? Who could it be? Wha ha what could possibly be be important? Andy: Well I've got Richard today as well. Mark: Well, I hope you do a better job of organizing the computer side of things with him than you did with me. Andy: I can't organise your computer. Mark: It's g had nothing to do with me, it just flashed up on the screen. Andy: Yeah, but you were freeze framing before you disappeared. Mark: Well why don't you give me warning signs? There's nothing on the computer. Yeah. There is literally nothing on that's working on my computer a ge apart from this whatever it's called, Google. Andy: Riverside. Mark: Exactly. Yes. Anyway. Alright, so that's your contribution to this episode, two news stories, one of Meghan Markle's father and the other one of Camilla. Andy: Have you already forgotten the nuclear alerts? Mark: Actually that was that was a mildly amusing story as long as you weren't on the receiving end of a nuclear alert. Andy: and the thing is they were sitting there at 2.30 in the morning or something Mark: In the morning, really. Andy: and they'd say, rush out and stock up with three weeks worth of food. Mark: Well, now that is a very interesting question 'cause that's been a lot in the in the English press. And so I got a phone call what? Andy: Go on, we're going to come back to the English press. Mark: Well, so there's been a lot of talk. I think it was actually the government who was saying you should stock up on three days food. Andy: Yes, yes, we spoke about this. I said it was reminiscent of when the wind blows. Mark: Exactly, you're right. So I get a call from my sis the other day who's asking about Andy: She's stocking up. Mark: she wanted to buy a power pack battery. And she said, Mark, I can't work out whether I should go for a three hundred watt hour battery or a kilo a thousand what she didn't know a thousand was a kilowatt. A thousand watt battery. And I said, Well, seriously Y if you use a microwave, that's eight hundred watts. Andy: Yeah. Mark: An electric blanket, which she was very i important about an electric blanket, that's a hundred and fifty watts. And what else do you use it for? What was she sh anyway, I said Andy: phone charging. Mark: exactly I was gonna say it's like two days worth of absolute minimum power consumption. There's no watching the television or anything like that. Andy: Yeah, a power pack isn't meant for running your household. Mark: No, exactly, it's not. It's it's meant for charging your iPhone when it runs Andy: Yeah. Mark: out of battery. Anyway, it was eight hundred pounds. Andy: What? Mark: Eight hundred pounds for a for a kilowatt hour battery. Andy: is nonsense. You can get them a lot cheaper than... Mark: Well, I'm sure you can. But because the point I was making was why don't you get yourself a generator? Andy: Yeah, have you seen the price of diesel? Mark: Well, I I have seen it on a daily basis 'cause I have diesel a diesel car. It's just about the same. Andy: what happens when your diesel runs out. Mark: Yeah, but the thing is that if you have a diesel generator, you can probably run it for a couple of weeks with the amount of diesel you could get stored in your garage. Andy: Yeah, but then you'd have to fight off the looters who are coming for your generator. Mark: Well, that's also funnily enough, that's exactly what Polly said. She said that if we install a generator on the outside and people if there is a power car as a result of some calamity, they're gonna hear Andy: They will hear it. Mark: they're gonna hear some generator buzzing on in the background and the first thing you need to get is a a load of country boards with shotguns in their hand saying, can you do a Gloucest Andy: last January. Mark: can you no, can you do a Gloucestershire accent? Do a South England accent. Andy: That's a very nice generator you got there. Is that for me? Mark: Yeah, exactly. That's it. A very nice generator. Hand it over. So is that for me? That's very kind of you to s stock up with diesel. Andy: There's a glass of scrumby. Mark: I'll tell you what, we are so lucky. in England heating oil, which a lot of rural communities still use to heat their houses, in the spring it was fifty pence a litre. Now in the autumn it's more than a pound a litre. A pound Andy: Double wood. Mark: is doubled in price. Andy: And you know why? Because all heating oil comes from the Ukraine, you see. Mark: Well Andy: And also it had COVID. yeah. And another thing. Panama. It comes from Panama. Mark: I think it must be, from a PR perspective, very difficult for the oil companies to explain why they're making record profits at the moment. Andy: don't even bother trying to explain. It's yeah we haven't got any product but we are willing to trouble the price of what we do have but we're running out any day now but not today or tomorrow or the next day. There's no fucking shortage it's just such bullshit it's profiteering it's scamming the public as usual. shouldn't I mean the government is not your friend. The government shouldn't even allow them to charge that much money. They should seize those oil companies and their assets and fucking dole it out fairly. And if the government really cared about you, they would take off the 70 % tax that they're charging for your petrol and your diesel. Instead of saying, don't Mark: I don't know whether home heating oil Andy: worry, we're going to freeze the tax. we're Mark: Mm. Andy: going to freeze it. But the petrol companies can put it up still. and we'll take tax off what they put up but we won't charge you more tax we'll just charge Mark: Yeah. Andy: you tax on what they charge you. They're just Mark: Yeah. No. Andy: a bunch of thieving fuckers. Mark: Yeah. I tend to agree, Andy. Andy: Stop agreeing with me, because then we'll have nothing in this podcast left worth listening to. Mark: to talk about. no, but we're lucky. Heating oil. God dear. Andy: Any oil. Any oil. Mark: Yeah, but diesel diesel hasn't doubled in price and the reason it hasn't doubled in price is 'cause obviously Andy: Not yet. Mark: the most of it is tax. So the tax doesn't double, it's just the Andy: Diesel has gone out more than petrol. Mark: Yes. I don't know what the diesel shortage I don't know why there's a shortage of diesel. Andy: There isn't. Mark: Think it's all Andy: Of course it's a lie. Do you remember that we were running out of petrol 50 years ago? 50 years ago we had about 20 more years worth of oil on the whole planet. And they're still saying it today. Mark: I wonder that's quite an interesting point because I'm pretty sure that sometime in history they have said we're gonna run out of oil in thirty years and that was fifty years ago. Andy: Yes, they've said it before and they're saying it again. It's just a lie. It's just a way of bumping up the price. Or if we pretend it's scarce and everyone will panic buy and they all want their share. It's just bollocks. It's like that's great toilet roll fucking fiasco in COVID. you know we're going to run out of basics like toilet roll. Fuck me they did, because every cunt went out and bought 400 toilet rolls. Mark: no in fact that brings us back to the preparation. What I was going to ask you was, which I didn't actually get around to, was how much food have you got in stock? Have you got three days? And and in England Andy: She must be mad. Mark: it's three days and in Sweden it's two weeks apparently. Andy: I couldn't even afford two weeks worth of food. Mark: Yeah, but you got a few cans of beans in stock, don't you? Andy: No? Mark: You don't? Andy: I have half a Christmas ham in the fridge. Some scrapings of mayonnaise. Half a loaf of bread Mark: Do you not eat baked beans? Andy: maybe? Huh? Mark: Do you not have baked beans? Isn't that your staple emergency food if there's nothing else? You just have baked beans on toast? Andy: I don't have stocked food. I just can't afford it. Mark: Yeah, but a tin of baked beans is twelve krona. Andy: Hmm. Trouble is, if it's in the cupboard, I will eat it. I can't, Mark: really? You have a bit Andy: I don't, yeah, because if it's a choice of going to the shops and spending more money Mark: Or eating what you've got. Andy: or eating what I've got, of course I'm going to eat what I've Mark: No, you're right, you're right, you're right. Andy: It's not like I do a weekly shop or anything. I just don't have that kind of finance available. Mark: How expensive is your local co op? Andy: Pretty damn expensive. Mark: It is, is it? Andy: Yeah, so I think we're a bit more than 12 crowns for a can of beans. Mark: Yeah, I can't remember. May maybe it was fourteen. And I it might have been twenty four. I honestly I don't have that much idea of how much a can of beans is. I'm having to start eating fish. I've got sardines and things like that now. Andy: god, even my cats turn their nose up. Mark: It's it's good for you. Sardines? Isn't Andy: Yeah. Mark: sardines what used to be full of mercury? Didn't they find mercury in sardines? Andy: Any fish. Any fish is full of poison these days. Mark: No, because of this cholesterol question. Andy: Yeah, I remember you saying that cholesterol is down to red meat. Mark: predomin predominantly. Yeah, predominantly down to red meat. So I'm trying to cut out having said that, of course, I did eat red meat over the weekend. But, you know, instead of having I don't eat salami anymore, and instead of having ham, egg and chips, I now have pfft it's not the same, salmon egg and chips. Andy: Ugh. Mark: No, it's not the same. Andy: No, that doesn't even sound like a dish. Mark: Well it's not. I mean salmon and egg, that that's a that's classic. Smoked salmon I'm talking about. Andy: Yeah. Mark: And before you go ooh La Dida smoked salmon, do you realise that smoked salmon is basically the same price as ham? Andy: well, it's not true, Salmon, is it? Mark: Well, I'm not saying it was fished by some trawleman with a fishing rod and a line in the North Atlantic. No, I think it's probably farmed in some lake. Probably close to Chernobyl. Andy: Plenty of plastics in the water. Mark: Yeah, exactly. no, but that's what I do, so I have smoked salmon, egg and chips instead. It's alright. Andy: Now Andy Burnham, wanker, Mark: The Prime Minister of the United Kingdom Andy: wanker is upset because one of his plans is Mark: I didn't know he had any plans. That's a turn up for the books. Andy: He was talking about next year or the year after at some point anyway sending out a message to all ex-servicemen about returning Mark: Saying Andy: to service because if we do go to war we're going to need conscription and ex-members of service so basically They're looking for people over 60 to volunteer to come back to fight for good old Blighty. Mark: Yeah, but if I was ex military I wouldn't mind going back in. Andy: What, just to be cannon fodder? Because that's what you'll be. Mark: No, but i to be honest No no no, but I would prefer I mean if there's going to be a war and you need fighters, I would definitely prefer them to send idiots like us over the edge rather than my children. Andy: sending all the unemployed people who keep coming to pretend they're British. Mark: Sake. Now that Andy: They're all of a fighting age. Send them first. Mark: now that actually is a very interesting point you say there because I take great offense when someone like Nick Ferrari on LBC always refers to the refugees as men of fighting age. It's just to fucking to get people riled up. Why doesn't he say men of working age? Which is what they all want to do. Andy: because they Mark: Well mm yeah, that's why they came to the country. Why do people it's just to what is it when you just to build up hate men Andy: instead of pot. Mark: of fighting age, what the fuck has that got to do with anything? It's just s so hor incentive Andy: Well, we'll find out if we ever do go back to... Mark: not incentive, incendiary. Andy: find out if we ever actually do, which it won't happen. This is all warmongering nonsense from the media as usual and I think it's is it the Telegraph that's the worst offender? Mark: Taily Mayo. Andy: Daily Mail is pretty bad. The sun is getting as bad. Mark: no, the Daily Mail is the worst on every metric metric. Andy: Ooh, we're days away from World War III. no, it's the Express. The Express is the Mark: Can we see it? Andy: World War 3 days away. Tomorrow World War 3. In a couple of minutes World War 3. It's like fu- Mark: Well you're alright. I mean the reason why you can joke about these things is because you live literally the arse end of nowhere. Who on earth is going to have a jot of interest in attacking you? They wouldn't even be able to find the place for Christ's sake. Andy: But nobody involved in World War 3 has the man- Mark: Well the Russians certainly don't. I'm just looking. You are actually quite close to Russia, you know. Andy: Yeah, and they still couldn't get here. Mark: You're a damn sight closer than I am, funnily enough. Andy: Yeah, but why would they invade my town? Mark: Well, it's got people like you in it. Andy: If Putin turned up here, we'd probably elect him. Mark: They showed a photograph of Putin in the nineteen seventies or eighties. He was still or he had just come out of the KGB or something, and he was at a dinner party in Finland somewhere, and he had this outrageous blue and purple striped tracksuit. It just looked ridiculous, and he is the leader of Russia. Putin in this ridic do you remember the tracksuits they used to have in the seventies and eighties? Electric blue and purple and g Andy: Yeah, they were very Liverpool, very Scousy. Yeah, the shell suits. Mark: greens God dear. Andy: shell suits. Mark: What? I thought that was a modern term. Andy: Shell Suit that was definitely what it was called. Mark: Who was that character I I with the moustache Yeah, who was that? Andy: Now then, calm down, calm down. That was Harry Info. Mark: Harry Enfield was it? 'Cause he was always in a tracksuit and with a moustache. Andy: The Scousers, was him and two others, they were three brothers, weren't they? The Scousers, all right, calm down, Mark: I don't remember. And is that right? Andy: calm down, now then, now then. Mark: did they have moustaches in Liverpool or Manchester? Andy: Yes, Anna Perm, Kevin Keegan Perm. Mark: of course Kevin Keegan, yeah. So sorry, is a Scouser someone from Manchester or Liverpool or are they separate? Andy: just Liverpool. Mark: Alright. A Scouser is from Liverpool. Who's from Manchester then? Andy: Yes. Manx. Mark: Yeah. anyway. I've never had a perm I have to admit I have had a moustache in my youth. No I did. Andy: Did you shave it off when you found out that Freddie Mercury was actually a gay? Mark: In fact, funny enough, no, I can't I can't show you. 'Cause my Andy: I remember. Mark: camera's screwed to the wall. I've got a caricature of myself with a moustache. Andy: dear. We don't need to see it. I remember one of my girlfriends had a friend whose boyfriend thought George Michael was the greatest singer ever invented. And this was back in the days when George Michael was still firmly in the closet and he'd just released Faith, the album Faith. And Mark: Could be. Andy: this guy had decorated his whole apartment. in a style of, it was awful, of early, late 80s, early 90s, kitsch, very grey and chrome. And Mark: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Andy: he just would not listen to anything else except George Michael. And I tried to tell him. Mark: George Michael, he did get sadly, he did get actually arrested on one occasion for Hampstead Heath activities. Andy: more than once. More than once. He was arrested for driving quite badly around the roundabout at Marble Arch. In fact, once he was caught parked on the roundabout at Marble Arch, drunk as a cunt. And another time he went into a photo booth shop like Snappy Express or something when he parked in the shop doorway or in the shop front. And... He was just off his face. He was very bad at parking. Mark: He was very bad at parking. Andy: You Mark: I think he's got bigger problems if he is high on something rather than just his parking skills. Andy: But anyway, this guy just would not accept that George Michael was gay. I was trying to break it to him gently, but he was, look at him. He's a damn good looking man. Women love him. Are you just jealous? I okay. Mark: What do you mean break it to him gently? Andy: Well, because he was, he wanted to be George Michael because he thought that was the epitome Mark: I see. Andy: of a true sex god. He just got, he just got it wrong. Mark: I see, for the ladies. Did George Michael ever ma he never married or anything like that though? I I always assumed I thought George Michael had alwa I say always been gay, I thought he was always out as a gay person. Andy: No, no they hid it especially in the early days of WAM. That's why they Mark: Wham, that was the band. Andy: introduced Pepsi and Shirley to the mix. Mark: Who's Pepsian Shirley? Andy: two backing singers and they pretended that they were girlfriends and boyfriends. Mark: is that right? Andy: Yeah. Mark: Pepsi and Shirley. Andy: Yeah. Yes. Mark: That they were literally two members of Wham were Pepsi and Shirley, the backing singers. Andy: Well, they weren't actually members of Wham! but they started appearing in all the videos and on the records as backing singers. Mark: Go, well thank God we didn't get to see you skating around. Andy: I was in a WAM video. I was. Mark: You were? What were you doing? Andy: I wasn't skating. Mark: dear, are you not allowed to say? Andy: No, they filmed a bit in the Empire Ballroom in Leicester Square and they asked for a turn up. just be part of the crowd. Can't see me but I was there. Mark: Mm. What just dancing in the background or something? Yeah. Andy: Well, we were on the dance floor. It was while they were wearing those stupid t-shirts with choose life. Shit like that. Yeah. Mark: Did you get paid? What, fifty quid or something? Andy: No 25. Mark: Did you have to be a member of what was the actors union in those days? Andy: No, no, no, no. was just a crowd scene. it was people who, it was all of us who used to do the roller disco thing on a Sunday. They invited us down. Mark: All right. Andy: But we still had to queue up outside in our best disco gear and they chose the ones they wanted. Mark: Yes. All right. And you got through the door, they selected you. What were you wearing, Andy? Were you Andy: Yeah, yeah. a fabulous outfit. I wish I had it today. Mark: Was it a glittery onesie? Andy: It wasn't glittery, it was very, very futuristic. It was like, I can't even describe it. I really wish I'd held on to it for posterity, but it was fantastic outfit. Mark: So did you get to meet George Michael and his mates? Andy: No. No, we were just plebs in the audience. Mark: Yeah, but even plebs have their day. Andy: Yeah, well, I didn't have mine. So anyway, I think we've covered just about everything we can possibly cover. Mark: I can't think of anything that we've actually covered. We've just I don't know what we've been talking about so far today. It's been such a mishmash of subject matter. Andy: Well that's what shite is. Mark: You're right, actually, yes. Yeah. Anyway, alright. Good. Yes. Well, g just for the listeners who might get confused, we actually had a bit of a technical problem halfway through today. So we'll see if Andy: Can you stop screaming? Mark: we'll see if Andy is able to stitch it together. Andy: Well, hopefully. Come on come up. You can press buttons now if you want. Rather than sit there screaming at me. Yeah so we'll call that it for today. Mark: Yes, very good. And what is it? It's Thursday, is it? Andy: Thursday will be our next session, yes, and we're doing part two of our Halloween special, which you've already forgotten the first part. Mark: hang on a second, have we recorded it yet? Andy: first part it went out yesterday. Mark: Yeah, the no the second part. Now have we recorded the second part? Andy: No. Mark: God dear. What was that? There were four people and we chose the fifth person. Andy: What? Mark: It was you you you did some research. Andy: It was the Bell Witch. Mark: The Bell Witch, that was it, yeah. Andy: Which isn't a witch or a ghost. Mark: I thought we'd finish that. What more is there to say? Andy: dear God. We just got up to the bit where she's... Join us on Thursday and you'll find out. Mark: you're right, yeah, you're right. I've got to join you on Thursday then. Alright. Excellent. Yep. Yes. Andy: Okay well thanks for listening anybody. Join us again on Sunday it be for you where Mark: Yeah, yeah. Andy: you'll hear part two of The Bell Witch and Mark: Yeah. Andy: God knows what else. Mark: Very good. Andy: Probably Mark will be reporting his end from the Florida Dementia Home with Mr. Markle. Mark: Yeah. Could be. no, well of course yeah. Anyway, yep, you're right. Andy: In the meantime, in the meantime, have yourselves a strange week. Mark: Yep. Cheerio for now. Yeah. Why not? Andy: Just keep talking shite. We'll see you next time. Bye for now. Mark: Bye for now.