Andy: Hello everyone, I'm Andy and I'm joined today by one of our newest presenters, chap called Mark. You may not have seen him before or certainly don't remember him because he hasn't been here for like fucking month. So welcome. Mark: I think it's two weeks actually. Andy: Yeah, but I mean, if you add together all your galavanting crusades over the last fucking couple of months, you've been missing for about six weeks over the summer. Mark: I think that's a slight exaggeration on your part, but consistent with your general attitude towards facts. Andy: talking of facts, this is now episode seven of Speaking Shite. Mark: Excellent. Andy: There's a fact for you. And I only know that because I had to look it up so that I could type the title in. Mark: really idiot. Andy: What number we on? Anyway, how was your trip? Did you went to retake Normandy I believe? Mark: yes. What's that? I went to Normandy. Andy: he went to retake Normandy. Mark: Exactly. No, we headed a little further south. It was fine. we had a very nice time. We were very very lucky with the weather, it was exactly as we wanted because you know the summer now is unbearable. It's sort of high thirties most of the time. Andy: Fuck off. Just fuck off. We haven't had a fucking summer. Mark: No, I know you've s we've we've had this discussion before, but I can tell you Andy: I was talking to my little friend in the co-op last week about it. I said I was talking a fucking idiot that I do the podcast with. And even he's going on about what a grand old summer we've had. he went, well, we haven't even had a week of 22 degrees here. I said, I know these fucking morons think that just because they had it good, everybody had it good. Mark: You have to accept, Andy, that you live pretty much on the edge of the world. I mean civilization north of you is pretty sparse. So you would Andy: There's me and the Eskimos. Mark: Exactly, you live in a pretty extreme location, so to pass judgment on what's going on in the rest of the world seems a little bit Andy: Apparently I'm not allowed to call them Eskimos anymore. Mark: I didn't think Eskimos came from Sweden. I thought they were Alaska. Eskimo is a slur, is it? Andy: It doesn't matter because it's a slur. Apparently they're inuits now. Mark: well maybe it's because no, but maybe Inuit is Andy: Which I would think is bit more slurry to be honest. Get away from me you inuit. Mark: Inuit is the native language term, whereas Eskimo is Western imperialism imposed term. Andy: I mean, Eskimos is actually, it's the only way I'll ever think of them. It can't be, Mark: Yeah, but there's all sorts of things that are locked in your mind. Andy: yes, and most of them are now illegal. Mark: Yes, exactly. Now do you want to hear about my trip to France? 'Cause suddenly we've gone from th Andy: I was just being polite. Mark: the south of France to Eskimos in the space of thirty seconds. Andy: Yes because you mentioned the weather but go on. Mark: so yes, the weather was absolutely fine, mid twenties. We had one day of rain out of ten. Everything was good. Apart from we all I I think we someone caught a pretty bad cold on the plane going down Andy: down on who. Mark: Yeah, exactly. And consequently we all came down with quite a a really bad c old you know this is videoed idiot which was not which was not great but we all survived just But you know I Andy: Well, Mark: was there And you know how the French like a little bit of a revolution now and again. So one Andy: I know the students have gone mental. I love the way the French protest. Mark: one day we were driving down wherever we were driving down to the coast, and in the town where we were staying, there was a terrible traffic jam, and I thought, what the f what how can there be a traffic jam at ten o'clock in the morning? Rounded the corner to see your amount Andy: keyboard. Mark: of police trucks And they weren't wearing riot gear, but they were seriously kitted out. And of course all of the students were revolting. Andy: Well they're pretty awful, best of times. Mark: Thank you. Coaching or whatever the expression is. so yes, and i Andy: I think. Mark: exactly, and in fact, it now looks like they've actually closed I think they've closed four hundred of the schools. And they were basically complaining about the class sizes Andy: Yes, quite rightly. Mark: and the pressure of teachers because there's so few in the system. Andy: Yes, also quite rightly. Mark: Yeah, so so a perfectly sensible cause. Andy: And quite, the only way to actually protest, the French are brilliant at protesting. Mark: They are. I don't know how how often they get some good results. I mean, the revolutions seem to work well for them, generally speaking. Andy: Yeah, and they've never backed away from that model. And it does work. I mean, clearly. Mark: But when was the last time you remember a strike in Sweden? Andy: No, the Swedes are too polite. They're not even too polite, they're just so scared of conflict. They don't want to upset anyone. I Mark: Well, Andy: will go on strike, but if my boss tells me I can't, then obviously I can't. Mark: Well, while we were down there, we found out what the expression engravais and I may have pronounced that completely wrong. G-R-E-V-E Andy: Angry day. Mark: en grave. On strike. So it wasn't just the students that were on strike. The ambulance drivers were on strike and the pompier, which are the firemen, were on strike. Andy: Yes, because everyone will come out in sympathy in France. It's like in England, you're on your own, Jack. But in France, Mark: Yeah. Andy: if someone's going out and strike someone else in another industry will go, well, we're also on strike. I believe in my whoever they are and what they believe in, whatever it may be. I believe I should be on strike as well. Mark: Well, they were on strike and they've Andy: Good. Mark: just just as a f it wasn't funny, but it just as an aside, when you f when you book an ambulance in France or when you need an ambulance in France no, w when you need an Andy: You book an ambulance in France, see? Mark: ambulance in France, it's not an ambulance that arrives, it's the firemen that arrive to take you to hospital. Andy: just in case you're a fat fuck. Mark: Well so you got three burley men arriving. Andy: That sounds like Donald Trump's dream. Mark: Burley men Andy: You Mark: So so yes a lot of strikes in France, but other than that we had some good you know I've been sort of familiar with that particular town for probably forty years, and there's a particular shop that sells grilled chickens. And it's still going after forty years. So that was the culinary highlight, because obviously with the young children we didn't really eat out, were these grilled chickens. Andy: I mean, that must have been, that's quite nice because it brings back childhood memories for you. Mark: Well, in fact we were literally able to replicate the menu precisely and I can tell you I'm sure people are interested in this. There's a particular Findus product that's called Pomme Dauphin, which you can't buy in England, they sell them in France. It's chicken a go-go, Pomme Dauphine. And they also have a particular brand of particularly good canned peas, if you couldn't believe peas and carrots. Andy: It sounds absolutely like something you would never eat. Mark: No, but you're right, but in fact excellent combo, still making it, so we were able to relive that experience on a couple of occasions, actually. Andy: Now, I don't know if you haven't even noticed that I've been working on our decoration. Mark: No, you've still got it's in a s no, strange stuff is in the in the right place. Andy: Yes, but look at it. It's completely different. It's been reworked. It's been modernised. It's refreshed. Mark: yes, I can see now actually. I can see there's a little icon in the top that says Strange Tough Podcast, Andy and Mark. Andy: But it's not just that, it's been redesigned and reimagined. Mark: But it's the same text, isn't it? Andy: It's the same text, but it has been freshened up, emboldened, outlined, Mark: Really? Andy: and now it pops out. And Mark: Excellent. Andy: it's been placed inside a circular circle. Mark: Yes, exactly. That I have noticed, yeah. so yes, other than that, remarkably we had four parties of travellers, various elements of the family, five in fact. Andy: Gypsies, we call them. Mark: and it all of them involved buses, trains and planes and not a single delay. Andy: even though the rest of the country was on strike. Mark: even though the pompier were on strike and the ambulance whatever you call them are on strike, yes. Yeah. So wasn't that amazing that everything worked? Andy: It was amazing. I hate to detract from your holiday snaps, but Mark: Yeah. Andy: while you were away, of course, we missed out on one of the best stories of the year to talk about, which was the alleged happenings at RAF Mark: Fairford Andy: Fairfield. Mark: Well Fairford. Andy: Fairfoot, same shit. Mark: Well I know Fairford quite well because it is literally a mile from my sister's house. Two miles. Andy: Well, hopefully it was your sister who allegedly made the phone call. But the Mark: No, it was a farmer. Andy: story of the whole thing is just ridiculous. It started off as five men were arrested due to a phone call made by a farmer at one o'clock in the morning with three Mark: Yeah. Andy: transit vans and five men running around in balaclavas outside. Mark: Yeah. Andy: What I can only say is high alert RAF base where nobody noticed anything. It was only the farmer coming home from a party that raised the alarm. And apparently it was, yeah, was definitely Iranians. Vans were packed full of explosives. And then Donald Trump said, yeah, it was me. We've been watching them for weeks. Mark: Yeah, that's right, yeah. Andy: My guys have been working with Scotland Yard and other countries and yeah, we did a great job, great work and they were going to do bigly badly stuff and now thanks to me. And then it turns out, hang on a minute, no, there was no explosives. They were nicking diesel. Mark: That's right. Andy: And then it was, but actually one of the diesel thieves called Mark: Was Andy: the police himself. Mark: Yeah, I didn't understand that element of it. Why would one of the thieves call the police themselves? Andy: Well, this is it. This is it gets worse because now we're streaking has jumped in. I only said, yeah, well, you know, obviously I can't say too much, but, you know, we are we have got five people under arrest and they are being questioned. you know, with transparency, we can tell you that they are British nationals, which is government speak for they used to be from somewhere else, but we gave them British passports. So now we refer to them as British nationals, just so you don't think they're not British nationals. Well we don't know damn well that they're not. Anyway, I digress. So the next thing is… Mark: There was only one of them that wasn't born in the UK. Andy: The next thing is, actually they have got connections to Iran. Mark: One of them. Andy: So now we're saying that in fact their vans were full of petrol, which is an accelerant, and therefore they're back on the terrorist thing. However, they've already been let out on bow and nobody's gone to pick them up. And the next thing that happens, of course, is Donald Trump says, how dare you release these terrorists, these known terrorists that we've been watching for years. And what kind of partners are you, morons? And then the very next thing that happens is the British press goes fucking quiet, not a word for a week. How dare they? This is their idea of transparency. Mark: What are you talking about? It's the front page. Andy: Front page of what? Mark: I'm looking at the B B C Andy: BBC, what did I ever know? Mark: Well, the the thing as a follow up to that story, US Air Force removed b from British military base Fairford. Andy: Quite right, they should be removed from every bass. Mark: So but hang on a second I obviously I'm only getting scraps of this because I'm I'm not in the country. So they're released on bail because they're Andy: Yes. Mark: determined to be diesel thieves as opposed to No. Andy: There was no evidence of any explosives, so what are you going to do? Mark: No. So why was it that Des Winters or whatever the hell his name is supported the Trump idea that they were in fact terrorists. Why where did it where's streeting? Where did he get that idea from? Andy: From Trump, probably. It's like, the whole thing is pathetic. It's like, it's the towel wagging the dog everywhere you go. There's Mark: I mean Andy: no need, I mean, what the fuck? Is Trump really watching diesel thieves for us? Do we have that level of American oversight? And if so, get the fuck out of my country. Mark: But what is bizarre is why are they removing the bombers? Andy: Removing them from where? Mark: Fairford. The Americans have removed bombers from Fairford, they've repatriated them back to the U back to the US. Andy: Yeah, because they're fucking cowards. Mark: Because they're afraid of diesel thieves. Andy: Yes, because they're making a point that they don't feel that the British police and government are doing their bit to protect their interests in that base by releasing known terrorists, to quote Hegseth and all the others. Mark: yeah. Andy: So that'd just be impetulant. Mark: I mean they're having a grand old time. I have a feeling what did you cover the story or did it happen just before I left? Greenland. The deal that tr the deal that Trump reached with Greenland. Andy: Which bit? I mean, we've spoken about it. The so-called deal that Trump has finally managed to get with Dean Greenland, whereas all they did basically was allow him to sign an existing deal from 70 years ago so that he could claim that he actually made a deal. Mark: Yes, exactly. A major victory. A major victory, according to Trump. Andy: In perpetuity, Greenland now does what he says. That's the way he basically put it. They Mark: Yeah. Andy: can't do shit without my say so. Mark: Was it nineteen fifty one? The origin? Andy: It was in the 50s, 54 I think. Mark: He got absolutely nothing. Andy: No. In fact, what he did get was a bill to refurbish the bases that they abandoned and also clean up the bases because they left all their fucking toxic shit there when they did leave in the first place. Mark: Well that was that was the ridiculous thing. In all of this story, America has actually reduced their presence on Greenland from ten thousand to one thousand. Andy: Yeah, they're closed 17 bases. So if they're going to reopen them, do you really believe that Greenland is going to pay for that? Think again, buddy. The American people Mark: I mean there have been plenty Andy: will once again pay for it. Mark: There have been plenty of Trumpian stories, obviously, even getting to meet by Wi-Fi in France. And the most and not shocking, 'cause it's only to be expected, but Todddy Blanche, his best mate, signed a document, I think it was only two or three days ago, that basically clears Trump, his family, or any business associates from any investigation at any time in the future. So any of the Trump Andy: No, that's illegal. Mark: it's apparently not. He's signed the paper, whether they Andy: That in itself is illegal. Mark: they honour it or not is another matter. But he literally that is what he's done. Andy: You see, I'm sorry, but no one is going to respect that the same as he doesn't respect any other laws. The same rules apply. You can sign what you want, mate, and you can make up whatever rules you want, but you are paying for your fucking crimes one way or the other. Mark: No, but that's that's obviously what they're they must realise that if they do, I mean, there is a chance, however much corruption goes on, that the Republicans actually lose the midterms. And just imagine the repercussions for all of these actions that they've taken. I mean Andy: Will there be any though? Because you see, what you've got is the same situation where the devil you know is not always as bad as the devil you don't. America could get even worse. Mark: What under the Democrats? No. Andy: Look, don't be surprised. Don't be surprised. Mark: Well Andy: Anyway, I don't want to dwell too much on Trump because we Mark: Now have you Andy: could dwell on him for the whole hour. I mean, the stories that are in there every day with every new stupid Mark: Alright, here's here's a question for you. Andy: thing he says. Mark: Here's a question for you. Have you reserved your dot si domain name? Are we chang changing to strangestuff podcast dot si? Andy: see, no we are not. No we are not. And anyone who takes up anything recommended by Trump is obviously of the highest double figure IQ range. Fucking super intelligence. What is wrong with that moron? He doesn't even know what it means, artificial intelligence. He has no idea, no matter how much he says, I'm probably one of the only few president, well, the only president, the bestiest president who knows what artificial intelligence is. I understand it because I don't know if you know this, but I'm very high IQ. I'm very clever, intelligent IQ person. He's Mark: He's not very high, he's the highest IQ. Andy: the bestiest, the bestliest, the bigliest. Mark: Look, we just said we're not gonna talk about Trump. Andy: I know but then you bought up super intelligence. Mark: I see you're right, that was related to Trump. I can't escape that. Andy: You baited me. Mark: I haven't reserved an SI domain name. Andy: Why would you? Because Trump recommends it? No, it's Slovakia or Slovenia or... Mark: What is it, Siberia? S no, what's SI? Slovakia or Slovenia? Andy: or where does the princess come from? Serbia. Mark: Serbia. Your s your princess Andy: Yes. Mark: Is she still in circulation? Do you bump into her in the shops occasionally? Andy: No, I've never seen her and I've never heard from her. I told her last time I invited her to something and she backed out of it. I said, you realize I'm never going to ask you anything again. If you want to continue this relationship in any way, shape or form, you are having to make the next move. Because I kept inviting, Mark: Relationship, Andy. Andy: look, any kind of friendship is a relationship. Mark: Yeah. Andy: I kept inviting her to stuff, she kept backing out. And after three times, I don't do a number four. For anyone. So if you ever want me out of your life, Mark: maybe she's gonna get rich. Andy: if you ever want me out of your life, you know exactly how to do it. Make Mark: Was that ignore you how many times? Andy: arrangements with me three times and then back out and see what happens. Mark: my god, I'm quaking in my boots, Andy. Andy: You will be because you'll have no one to talk to in the whole country. Mark: Well not on a Monday morning at eight o'clock I won't know. dear. So yes. Yep. Andy: Anyway, I was on the way to making a point. I can't remember. That's the whole point. Mark: About what? Exactly. Andy: But it was important. Mark: you that what? Andy: yes, I've remembered, I've Ding dong the witch is dead. Mark: ding dong the witch is dead. Who's that? Andy: Do remember when Margaret Thatcher died, that song went straight to number one in the charts? And the BBC refused to play it. Mark: I've never heard of it. How does it go? Sing us a sing us a line. Andy: It's from The Wizard of Oz. Ding dong, witch is dead, the witch is dead, the witch is dead. Yeah. Mark: Really? All right. Andy: Esther Ransom died. Mark: Well why are you calling her a witch? She was a well meaning individual. Andy: Now, no, you see, you are like 99 % of the rest of the population who believe that a woman who shared television studios with Jimmy Savile for fucking 30, 40 years knew nothing of what he was doing. A woman Mark: I see. So she Andy: who opened child line and support for vulnerable children and actively fed vulnerable children to Jimmy Savile and his friends over the years. Mark: Bloody hell, Andy, this is a bit contentious, isn't it, or not? Andy: is very contentious and you know what? It's fucking true. That woman was so heavily involved in Jimmy Savile and the rest of them that it is unbelievable. She had more than just knowledge of what was going on. She was tight with Jimmy Savile. She was tight with Mark: How do you know that? Andy: his friends. Google it. Simply Google the relationship between Esther Anson and Jimmy Savile. She was as guilty as him, believe me. And worse. Well Mark: I think that's pushing it a little bit far. Andy: sue me. Mark: Well she can't, she's gone now. Andy: There you have it. Mark: So, do you think there's going to be an expose coming through the pipeline, a book? Andy: Yeah, of course, because now she's dead, they can't touch her. So of course I'll say, do you know what? We knew this and we were just about to expose her. Mark: Why didn't it come out at at the time of the Jimmy Sc Savile scandal? Andy: Because she was still alive. Can you imagine the ferrore that BBC would have been shut down if they could prove that everybody at the BBC was not only complicit but actually organizing the whole fucking thing then of course the BBC would be gone by now. They can't afford that to happen because where else would these pedos have to go? So it must be like in the entry form, in the application form when you leave Oxford. Are you a pedo? Yes. The BBC is the place for you. Mark: or the Republican Party in America. Andy: or the Republican Party in America. But first, you have to prove that you are willing to drink baby's blood. Mark: Do you think there actually is some dark underground? Andy: It's not even that far underground. Mark: paedophile, you know, global paedophile ring. Andy: Yes, cannibalism. Yes, absolutely. 100%. Why do you think they will just... I've told you about this before, that every day... I can't remember the exact numbers, but I'm going to just say, for instance, every day a thousand children go missing and every day they find 900 of them. But that means 10 % of those missing kids are never seen again. And you can't lose that many kids. You just can't. They don't just disappear. Mark: Mm. How many it would be full what would it be called a cabul or something? Andy: The government, you can call it what you Whoever they are, they're very good at making people disappear. Mark: It would be consistent when you look at the GOP tactics of always blaming the Democrats of being something. They're always accusing them of being Andy: Yes. Mark: something, but in fact they're actually describing themselves. It's happened so many times. So wasn't it Hillary Clinton that was a child-eating paedophile? Andy: But you can't confine it to one party. It's not a political thing. So there will be people in both of those parties who are members of the same cabal. It's a bit like Mark: Yeah, but Andy: there will be members of both of those parties who dress up once a month to go to their KKK meeting. Mark: yeah, but statistically that's a little bit unlikely, bearing in mind that the GOP representatives seem to be ten to one prosecuted for child molestation as compared to the Democrats. I mean it's literally ten to one. Andy: It's because that's because they're in they're in power. Mark: Ye w what surely they'd be more protected if they were in power and they'd be going after the Democrats. Andy: Well, no, because they're under bigger scrutiny. Mark: From whom? Andy: Well, from the press for a start. Mark: Mm. Are they back in or not, the press now? CNN, MS now and what other politic Andy: Who knows and who cares? mean, Donald Trump seemed to think that barring them from the White House also meant they weren't allowed to go to the UN. What are you doing here? Mark: No, that's right. That's right. What are you doing here? Andy: I thought I told you. I told you you're not allowed. Fuck off, you Mark: Mm-hmm. Andy: fat idiot. And why do they keep calling him sir? That's what gets me more than anything. It irritates me because it devalues the whole respectful thing of calling someone sir. When he said, I told Mark: It's an interesting wider point. Andy: you lot, you're not even welcome in the way. What are you doing here? And she said, sir, fuck you. I would say, look, you fat idiot. You don't own Europe, you are not the president of Europe, you can say what you want, I can be here now, fucking do your job and wipe your ass, you smelly bastard. Mark: here's a question for you. Why in America is it so common to refer to people as sir? Andy: They do it to me, when we're playing Star Citizen sometimes and if there's an American in the group that I haven't spoken to many times before, they will sometimes call me sir. Mark: But why why is it in America that d they don't say madam, do they? Andy: No, I don't like it. I find it mildly offensive. Mark: You find it mildly offensive that someone would call you sir. Andy: I think it's... I think it's patronising. Mark: Right. Andy: I think there's an underlying passive aggressiveness in there. Mark: Sir Sir Andy: and it grates on me. Yeah, sir, sir, you're in a Wendy's. Mark: So are you getting a bit sensitive about your pronouns, Andy? Do you have to tell people I'm a he, me, whatever? Andy: No I don't, frankly enough, because no one ever mistakes me for a young lady. I'm not sure why. Mark: You haven't asked them start calling me sir and start calling me they. Isn't that Andy: Yeah, I'm not a sir, I'm a ms. I'm mx. Mark: Exactly. yeah, it is strange, isn't it, that the Americans are always calling each other sir and yet they're the most disrespectful race in the world. Andy: Who knows? Anyway, was there any lighthearted news stories that we can focus on for a bit? Mark: You need a bit of lightheartedness, I don't know. Andy: You've already stressed me. Mark: you've got the daily sun up, don't you? Or whatever is it called the sun. There must be something. Andy: The sun of the day. There probably are. I know there's a few not so funny ones. Mark: There must be some some good news. well here's a Andy: Ummm... the trouble- Mark: here's a lighthearted thing. It's probably not too appealing to you, but anybody who likes Formula One. So they got this Grand Prix, it's called the Bar Bahrain Grand Prix, but it's actually happening in Malaysia because of the security risks. So they're all trundling round the track. It's been a major long delay because of heavy rain. And it's like Big Brother. There was a big brother glitch. And suddenly, all of these Formula One cars that are circulating the track behind a safety car Andy: Yeah. Mark: suddenly will stop working. The whole grid just stops working. And they're all put into limp mode. So that all the drivers are onto their what's happening? My throttle doesn't work. And it was literally a glitch in the software. that determined when it's raining you can't have any power. I mean this is Formula One at the start of a bloody Grand Prix. Andy: See, this is the problem when you rely on technology far too much. Mark: Clearly. I mean quite literally the whole grid. Andy: Can you imagine that happening on the M1? Mark: Yes, no, but this is what made me think about it. God, if that can happen in Formula One on a racing circuit, just imagine what happens when you've got levels of control of cars, normal cars in traffic. Andy: which we spoke about not so long ago. Mark: No you're right Yeah that was completely bizarre Shipang Andy: Yeah. Mark: All right sorry back to the sun Andy: Right, well, this is not a funny story, but it kind of made me pause for thought. Do you know the footballer Andy Carroll has come forward and accused someone of sexually assaulting him, a male. Andy Carroll is not a small guy and he's a professional footballer. This is a man you would have to be very confident about sexually assaulting as another man. It transpires that he knew the assaulter, he was around his house drinking with him, Andy Carroll passed out and he woke up to find this guy trying to nosh him basically. Mark: What what? He had his Andy: Yeah, Mark: face in his crutch. Andy: yeah. Now, he threw him out, obviously, give him a slap as well. But the guy is now transpired, who was giving him a sleep nosh, may well have assaulted two other celebrities in very much the same manner. Mark: He gets around a bloke this this bloke, this assaulter. Andy: Well, he's allegedly a celebrity himself. I've never heard of him. He's a... Mark: What they've named him. Andy: Yeah, of course. His name is Kevin Adams. He was jailed for 20 months. Mark: What for this attack? Andy: Yes. And since Andy Carroll confirmed that he was the attacker, other people have started to talk. And in the early 2000s... A household name told his friends that Adams had targeted him. He never reported it to the police, but he told people he was close to what had happened, and they cut this guy Adams out of their circle. But he's some kind of dancer. Fame Academy something. I don't know. Mark: Fame Academy, no, I don't know that. Andy: No, I mean it's... There's so many of these idiots about these days, these nouveau celebs. Mark: So hang on a second, we were we were taking on board lighthearted subjects and you choose some sexual assault. This is Andy: Well... Mark: really Can you not scroll scroll down to the Andy: Yeah, okay. Mark: fun the fun stories, please? Andy: Well, you don't find too many jolly jolly stories in the sun, you know. Mark: No, you're right, you don't have well well really the sun doesn't have a light hearted section. I thought they did. Is made up. Andy: Well, most of it is lighthearted because most of it is made up, of course. Mark: Good news of the day. Do you mean I'm going to have to access the star? What's it called? Andy: Do know what, there is one story about footballers' wives and how they're referring to the story as the wag trade. Can you guess why? Mark: Because they're trading wives between football players. Andy: No, because the footballers' wives have almost to a man started their own fashion lines. Mark: Vic Victoria Andy: much like Victoria Beckham. Mark: Beckham. Andy: Yeah, Wayne Rooney's Mrs. Colleen, she designs for Primark. Mark: What you say? don't don't take the piss. She probably sells a lot more stuff than Victoria Beckham. Andy: Exactly, and that in itself is worth a giggle because Victoria Beckham has spent 20 years losing money for David designing high-end fucking jeans and a little bracelet with VB engraved on it whereas Colleen designs a V-neck t-shirt. and sells 50 million of them worldwide in Primark and makes more money than Victoria Beckham makes in her whole career. Mark: Colleen Rooney. Rooney doesn't play football anymore, does he? Andy: No, he doesn't. Mark: He was one of the better ones when he was sort of fifteen or sixteen, wasn't Wayne Wayne Rooney a bit of a star? Andy: He peaked really early. I mean, by the time he hit 20, his game went a little bit downhill. He was always on the field, but he never performed for my liking. Mark: I don't think his weight peaked when he was twenty. Andy: no, his weight is still peaking. Although Mark: Daily. Andy: he has lost a lot of weight recently because they accused Mark: Has he? Andy: him of being on Ozempic. Mark: That's not an accusation, that's a treatment for overweightness, isn't it? Andy: Is it? Listen, in 10 years time, they're suddenly going to realise that ozempic isn't in fact a miracle cure for fat. It's carcinogenic Mark: Mm-hmm. Andy: and everybody who took it is going to die. This Mark: Two? Andy: always happens. Miracle cure, Mark: Talking about Andy: 10 years later, oops, shouldn't have done that. Mark: Talking of carcinogenic, I like my toast browned. When I when it comes out the toaster, I like a brown crust on it. Did you know that burnt toast is Andy: Yes, burnt toast is supposed to be carcinogenic. Mark: You knew that, did you? Well why is it I'm the last person in the room? Andy: Yes, but that's black charred toast. Mark: What do you have your toast? Andy: You're usually the last person in the room to know anything Mark. Mark: dear. So now I've got to change Andy: I tell you stuff and you say don't talk absolute nonsense and then about a year later you go did you know? Mark: I mean, I've been eating well toasted toast for years. I hate mushy toast. Andy: The with burnt toast is it's too tasty. And it's just such fun to eat. It explodes in your mouth. I don't eat black toast very often, but my toast is usually on the darker side of brown. Definitely. Mark: To go with a bit of marmite on your toast you have to have it well toasted. I'm sorry. Andy: Why would you eat Marmite in the first place? Mark: Marmite? Well don't be ridiculous, do you Andy: Yeah. Mark: not have marmite for breakfast? Andy: That'd be disgusting. If I want, if I... Mark: You don't you're not a marmite person. Andy: you might as well stick a finger up your anus and spread it liberally on your toast. Mark: Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it was Nanny that used to feed me marmite for breakfast. Andy: Yes Nanny, Nanny, what's for brekkie? Well Mark, today we're going to have Marmite. You'll either love it or hate it. Mark: And you were a hater. Does no one in your family eat marmite? Andy: would I know? We've never taken a straw poll and it's like I have no interest in what my brothers eat for breakfast. Mark: You don't? Andy: When we get together in the pub we never say hey man what did you have for breakfast this morning? Mark: What are you talking about when we get together in the pub? You never get together with your brothers in the pub. Andy: No, and so when I do talk to them, the last thing on my mind is whether or not they enjoyed a bit of Marmite on their toast this very morning. Mark: Yes, but you've got to understand the nature of this podcast is talking shy, Tandy. And Andy: Yep. Mark: so therefore this perfectly qualifies. What did you have for breakfast Andy: Not really, because it has to be shite that appeals to other people. Mark: well, I think we've split the audience fifty fifty. As you say, you either like it or you hate it. I desist. not desist. I withdraw that comment. Let's move on to the far more exciting stuff that's going to appeal to a wider section of the audience. And that is a new story in the sun about No that's you, I'm waiting for you. You're looking at the sun. I don't even Andy: well... Mark: know how to get two screens up on my computer. Andy: I don't have two screens, I've got two windows open. Mark: Two windows. Andy: Well, I'm looking now at that France have closed up to 500 schools amid protests and Mark: We've we've covered that. Andy: teachers have been injured during these protests, apparently. Mark: Yeah, they get quite serious in France, even the youngsters when protesting. Andy: Yeah. And there was a freak storm in Barcelona yesterday. Mark: What a weather event, you mean, a floody sort of thing. Andy: Very much very dangerous, very nasty. Mark: Is that as a result of El Nino? Andy: No. It was a mini hurricane apparently that battered Barcelona, turning streets into raging rivers, with cars being washed away in hail stones the size of golf balls. Mark: I wonder I wonder if it's safe to say that these weather events are just happening more and more often. I don't remember all of these things happening on a regular basis. Andy: No, they happened. They just weren't reported because newspapers stuck to the real news. Like, guess what your government are doing to you today? Mark: What do mean the real news? Do you're not you sound Trumpian when you say that? Andy: Talking of news, now this hasn't happened for like 20 years, but for the first time in 20 years or maybe even 30 years, a sitting prime minister has taken it upon himself to attend the Brit Awards. Mark: Andy Burnham. Andy: Yeah, who the fuck do you think you are? Mark: What do you mean what's wrong with that? Andy: What's his purpose there? What possible reason can he have to attend the Brit Awards? That's like him going to the Oscars. Mark: 'Cause he's supporting our arts Yeah, he's supporting the arts community in England. In Britain. Andy: Well then stop cutting money from arts. Mark: How do you know he is? Andy: Of course they are, that's what governments do. Mark: How do you know he he might be a champion of the arts? Andy: fuck off what like Tony Blair was. Look at me I'm playing guitar with the Oasis. Yes. Mark: Did he? Tony Blair played played guitar with Oasis. Andy: 10 Downing Street. Oasis sold their souls and went to 10 Downing Street because they believed in new labour at the time. I believe probably now they regret that. Mark: Well hang on, new Andy: But, Mark: labour was new labour right at the beginning. It only went pear shaped towards the end. Andy: Yes. But, you know, they fell for the hype and Tony Blair took full advantage of the opportunity to have a little jam with the races. Mark: What are the Oasis brothers doing at the moment? Are they Andy: They're doing a fucking world tour right now and making about 50 million squillion Brazilian quid. Mark: Really. Andy: Yes. Mark: Th they're how do these groups still rem maintain their popularity? Andy: Oasis, all they had to do was say that they were going to get back together because they split up like 28 years ago. And all they had to do was say we're getting back together and the advance ticket sales were just sold out in an hour. You cannot get an Oasis ticket. Mark: What are you doing? Andy: It's not me, it's my sound engineer Reggie. Mark: right. Andy: who's still strolling around looking for mischief. Mark: who is though it? Noel and Andy: Liam? Mark: Liam Gallagher. Andy: Gallagher. Mark: Gallagher. Yeah. That's right, they did they had a bit of a falling out, didn't they, as brothers? Andy: Not surprising, I was watching, well was doom scrolling and there were excerpts of the Graham Norton show coming up and they went through this sequence of when Noel was on and when Liam was on and Liam, he was smacked out of his head when he was on. He was literally jitterbugging on the sofa. He had so much chemicals inside him that boy could not sit still. He was a mess, I tell you. And this is a 50 year old man we're talking about. Mark: this is recently then? Andy: yeah. Yeah. Mark: It's surprising that some of the only person who you could recognise that had a terribly hard life on drugs and rock and roll was that Ozzy Osbourne fellow. He look he looked like a mess. Andy: He had a fantastic life. Mark: No, but he looked like crap. I mean he really did look terrible. Andy: Yes but so would you if you'd done what he'd done. Mark: No, but i I think some of these artists are actually quite resilient, bearing in mind they have done drugs and god knows what for so many years. Andy: Or you look at Ronnie Wood. Mark: Ronnie Wood, he's the Rolling Stones man. Andy: Yeah. Mark: Is he good or not good? Does he look good? Andy: He's the one who looks like he should have Mark: Death. Andy: been buried about 50 years ago. Mark: right, yeah, yeah. Andy: For some reason he just won't lie down. Mark: Well, i I mean I don't know whether he does drugs or not though, does he? Andy: I would imagine that China use him as a test subject for all the new ones that they invent because Mark: Yeah. Andy: if it's out there he's done it. Mark: What is this what is this new drug in America? g petrol station heroin. Andy: tonight. Mark: Well it's in the papers. You must have read about it. Andy: No, not necessarily. Mark: apparently it's a new derivative that's even cheaper and more available. It's called petrol station heroin. Gas station heroin. Andy: Well, this is it. mean, people will literally take anything these days. It's sad to see. At least in my day, you could depend on your drugs. Not nowadays. Nowadays, Mark: Well what do you mean you didn't have a clue what you were taking? Andy: you know that nowadays you're literally taking your life in your hands every time you take anything. But in my day, at least I knew with some certainty I would wake up the next morning. Mark: people now what are you talking about? In your day people used to do proper drugs like heroin. I mean real heroin, they used to die all the time. Andy: You what, if your heroin is pure, it will never kill you. You cannot OD on pure heroin. It's only the mixers that people put in there that they step on it with that will cause you pain and death. So if your heroin is pure, you have no problems. Can you stop wandering around because this is not going to end well? Mark: What w what you can certainly take too much of it though, can't you? Andy: You can't OD. It won't kill you. It's only the impurities in drugs that kill you. Mark: What the rat why do people always talk about rat poison? They can't possibly put rat pois Well w why would they chi Andy: because they did cut it with rat poison. They cut speed with rat poison, strychnine. Mark: But why would they do that? Why not just use Andy: Because... Mark: sugar or salt or flour or something? Andy: too easy to taste and also not really well absorbed into the body. Mark: Yeah but you don't want to absorb strychnine into your body, do you? Andy: As a drug dealer, you don't care. Mark: Well yes you do, 'cause you're gonna lose a lot of customers if they start popping their clogs all the time. Andy: No, because before they die they put the word about, I've got a good dealer. So you always get new customers. Mark: I mean the thought of taking a pill not the heroin spill, but the thought of taking a pill What the hell? He's lucky he didn't bloody Andy: I fucking read you the retard. Mark: nosedive into your crutch there. It could have been painful. The thought of Andy: Reggie the retard just fell off the disc. Mark: The thought of taking a pill that has been produced Andy: You idiot. Mark: in some back street garage is Andy: no, that's not the worst of it. The worst is taking a pill that has been imported from China or some other place where they've opened these pill factories and literally you have no idea what's in there. Mark: I just don't understand how people are willing to take that risk. Andy: Because it's only a pound. It's only a pound? Well for a pound what do you think might be in there? It's definitely not good drugs. Not for a pound mate. Mark: How much is a good drug? How mu how much do you have to pay? If I wanted to start taking cocaine, h how much do you have to pay? Andy: Right, well if you wanted to start taking good cocaine, you would have to pay still £60 a gram. And that price has been consistent since the 1960s. 1970s. It's never changed. What's changed is the quality of the product. So the price changes with the quality. But the price only ever goes down. You can pay £40 or £50 but you're getting what you're paying for. If you want good quality, high grade, you have to pay the 60 pounds. Mark: But but that doesn't mean anything to me. What does a gram do? Does that last a week, a day? What does it look like? Andy: I mean, you'll get a day out of it. You'll get maybe 10 lines out of it. Mark: Ten lines of Andy: Yeah, and you know, if you're not sharing, then you wouldn't. That will last you a couple of days. Maybe. Depends on how long you stay out. Because it is the staying out drug of choice. If you want to go Mark: You Andy: from 7 o'clock in the evening until 7 o'clock in the morning, a gram of Charlie is your best friend. And you will stay sober that whole time. Doesn't matter how much you drink. Mark: What? Andy: Yep. I've heard this from people who've done it. Mark: So sorry, cocaine kills the effect of alcohol. Andy: It doesn't kill it, doesn't kill it at all. It enhances it, but it only enhances the best parts of it. The falling asleep and going mental and falling over bits are gone. Mark: Really? Sounds like it might be worth a try. Andy: Yep, apparently, allegedly, I've never obviously done it myself. So I couldn't say for sure. But I've been told by someone who is quite reliable. Mark: But sixty pounds that's a fair chunk of money. I mean sixty pounds that's four bottles of whiskey. Andy: Maybe in the 1980s. When was the last time you bought a bottle of whisky? A 30 quid a hit here. Mark: Here they are, they're about they're about fifteen quid I think in the UK. Andy: Hmm, maybe a couple of years ago. Mark: Alright, they've gone up. Sixty pounds. Yeah, it doesn't really tempt me actually. Andy: I mean, to be honest, I don't think I've ever paid for... Well, mean, Mark: Well, you stole it, did you? Andy: no, I don't even want to go down that road because I would have to defend myself. Mark: it's quite interesting though. But I'll tell you what, th all of that none of that was around in well, it was around in my day. Andy: Of it was, it just wasn't in your orbit. Mark: no, but I'll tell you what people did take, not that I ever did, 'cause I wouldn't take a pill, I don't know where it came from, was the ecstasy. Andy: MDMA, yes, excellent. White doves would be the ones that you're talking about in those days. They were the good ones. They would literally keep you going for 15, 20 hours. And they were expensive. I think they were £25 each when they first came out. Yeah. Mark: What? Andy: But you got a two, three day hit out of them. Now they cost like a fiver, but you need to take six of them. Mark: And they've got a picture of Donald Trump on them. Andy: Probably. But you know they're rubbish these days. You don't know what's in them and it's definitely not MDMA. Mark: in fact I remember when I was working for one of the Japanese companies one of the Japanese banks, part of the Mitsubishi group, you know the the three diamonds logo of Mitsubishi? Andy: Yes, Mitsubishi. That was also a very famous pill. Mark: Yes, exactly. And that was a bit of an issue for us 'cause it used to be on ex ecstasy tablets. I've never tried one, never taken one. Andy: But it's a high compliment if an international drugs gang is using your logo to advertise their wares. It's a compliment. It means they trust your marketing. Mark: I wonder if they had Honda. Mitsubishi Honda Andy: No, I don't recall ever seeing a Honda. There was Superman. Superman Mark: Or British Leyland. D Andy: was always a big one. Superman was used on sheets of acid. Mark: sheets of acid. What's that? LSD. Andy: Paper that's been soaked in LSD then divided into little squares. Mark: Wasn't that the I do remember the L S D that was the one that gave you hallucinations. Andy: Yes. Mark: So that was a bit dangerous. Or was that the one that the yogis were prod pr pro promoting? If you wanted an out of body experience, you'd take LSD. Andy: Well, I mean, there's different, that was, that was peyote mostly. That was the one that the, like the medicine men and the swamis and all the rest of it, they were, they were into the peyote and the roots. There's, there's many, many ways of going hallucinogenic. Mark: It's not something that even appeals to me. Why would you want to start hallucinating? Andy: That's because you've never done it. It's not just because you hallucinate, it's because of the way it activates various parts of your brain that never get activated. You start seeing things, you believe much more clearly and you make connections in your head that you've never seen before but suddenly become crystal clear. Mark: What like you can fly? Andy: No, this is nonsense from the newspapers. yeah, don't do it man, because you'll believe you can fly and you'll jump off a building. We've seen it happen. I don't think anyone ever did that. Mark: What jump off a building thinking they could fly? Andy: Yeah. It's one of those urban myths. Mark: Yeah. Andy: Yeah, of course you're not going to believe that because I say it, because you've heard it all your life, so it must be true. Mark: And no it hasn't no, it's just the whole concept of hallucin you know changing the way you perceive things is a little bit Andy: Yes, but bearing in mind that we only use 10 % of our brains, perhaps LSD is a great way to start opening up the rest of that 90%. The government certainly thought so, because they invested millions and millions in experimenting on people and certainly soldiers using LSD to try and tap into that. extra 90 % trying to find out if they could open up ESP and telekinesis and all the rest of it. Mark: Yeah, but it it didn't lead anywhere. Andy: It lets us in really good times. Mark: No, but do you know what I mean? I mean, after all that research you'd think they they would have produced some sort of wonder drug, but they didn't. Andy: but no, they wouldn't have told you about it if they did. That's the point, isn't it? Mark: So you think they're special forces on special forces operations on super drugs? Andy: I believe there are people who were definitely enhanced and definitely did some amazing things, but they were uncontrollable. Mark: Which is a bit of a downside. Andy: Yeah, it is a bit of a downside because if you can transport yourself invisibly to another part of the world and influence events, but you don't do what your boss tells you to do, you could literally do anything you want. Mark: Sorry, what, you can transport yourself to other parts of the world? What are you talking is the astral projection you're talking about now? Andy: Yes, yes, we've covered this. Mark: I know but you well not in connection with popping L S D stamps. Andy: No, no, no, we have, we have. We covered it in the MKUltra episode where they trained a guy or they had a guy who could transport himself and spy on world leaders all over the world. Mark: I think that was the idea. Andy: No, but he actually succeeded apparently and he gave information. Mark: Well can we can we get him back on board so we can see what Putin's up to? Andy: Hang on. Mark: Yeah, exactly. Yeah, alright. I'll wait for the call then. Andy: I told him to call me. Mark: dear. I don't know what got us onto this subject of drugs. Must have been you. Andy: No, it's you. I never try to incriminate myself. Mark: no, I think I was talking about the price of cocaine, sixty pounds. Andy: That's right, yeah, you would just... So if anyone wants to contact Mark, if you've got a better offer... Mark: I wonder if I tried to buy drugs, whether I'm more likely to get arrested than succeed in buying drugs. Andy: I would say that you're more likely to get arrested. If you ever want to buy drugs, Mark: Yeah, I think I am actually. I mean, you know, I literally wouldn't know where to start. Andy: ask a child. Mark: Yeah, well I wouldn't do that. Andy: Well that's why you're going to get arrested. You're going to ask a grown-up, especially in Sweden, the first thing they're going to do is tell their neighbours who's then going to call the police. Mark: I wonder if there's there are actual I mean, Moor is an average sized town, Chaleftier is an average sized town. Do you think there are people standing on street corners selling, you know, with little s Andy: No, they don't need to because everybody knows where they live. Mark: I see. Andy: Even the police know where they live. But the police will not go and arrest them. They would rather arrest you for buying it and using it because then they've got an ongoing arrest record. But if they get the dealers, they cut off their supply. Mark: Now getting back to more practical matters, er you have made much effort in talking about the new logo that we've got. Andy: Mm-hmm. Mark: Am I allowed to point out that the screens of which I'm watching now are not symmetrically positioned in the centre of the circle? Andy: They actually are what is not. Mark: There's more of a border on the left than the right. Andy: It doesn't matter because we're the only ones who can see that. Mark: What? Andy: Yes, we're the only ones who see that background in the studio. you ever go to YouTube and watch one of our episodes. Mark: What do we s what do you see? Just you and me? Andy: Again, go to YouTube and watch one of our episodes if you want to see what happens. Mark: Alright. Alright. Andy: Unfortunately, I mean, it would be good if we did have this background, to be honest. Mark: But if you've d if you've made it and designed it, why don't you have it on the background? Andy: because then I would have an outline that you could clearly see I am projected. Mark: What and you'd look like an AI. Andy: Yeah, it would look horrible. It's like when, I had a phone call from a guy. I said, hi, my name is Matthias. I'm from So and So, talking about a job in Farland. And I said, Mark: Yeah. Andy: great. But I couldn't really understand him much on the phone. So. After a couple of backwards and forwards, said, look, can we arrange to have a teams meeting or something so that we can talk properly and I can ask questions and you can ask questions and then we can see if we're like right for each Mark: Yeah. Andy: other. And he said, yeah, so we arranged for a teams meeting the following day and he had one of these backgrounds and basically it was awful. He's like every time you move. half of his face disappears while the AI tries to generate the background in the right place. Mark: I see what you mean. He was on a beach in the Mediterranean or something. Andy: No, but he was, he had one of these stupid backgrounds. It was like an office background, but he clearly wasn't in an office, obviously a work from home. But anyway, it turns out he was from a manning agency. And so I thought, okay, but it is based in Darlana. So I said this could be useful for me because I'm looking to move back down there. Mark: Yeah. Andy: you know, we went through all my history, et cetera, and spoke about more at all and Pressmaster and why I left Mark: Yeah. Andy: and all the rest of it. Then we got to Northvolt and I went through my experience at Northvolt and then he asked me the question which lost me all my faith. He said, why did you leave North Falk? I said, are you, you're an employment consultant. And he said, yeah. said, and you don't know why anyone would leave North Falk. And he said, well, why? said, they went bankrupt. yeah, of course. I went, no, no, you didn't have a clue, mate. How could you? This is, it's the biggest ever redundancy in Sweden. And you don't know as an employment consultant. that 4,000 people have just been made unemployed, really. Mark: Yeah. Yeah. Andy: So I don't hold out much hope for that one. Mark: You never know. Andy: I think I've got a bloody good idea. Mark: Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Good. Come on then, Andy, that's an hour, mate. Andy: Yeah, okay, so I think really we've come to the end of this week's episode of Speaking Shite. Now I... Mark: I can't believe there wasn't much much more good news out there. There had to be something good. We could didn't seem to find it this week. Andy: Well, I did do some weird news in the last episode of Strange Stuff, actually. Mark: did you? Andy: Yeah, not that you'd know because clearly you didn't listen. Mark: Well no, I didn't. I was away, wasn't I? Andy: Yeah, you know, I did solo efforts. They should be applauded, lauded and listened to. Mark: Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Indeed, I will do. I'll catch up this week. Andy: I forgot to check our figures actually this morning so I'll send you a text after. But yeah, Mark: All right. Yeah. Yep. Very good. Andy: so here we are back as normal so you're ready for... Mark: Back as normal, and then we got strange stuff on Thursday, is that right? Good. Andy: Yes. And last week and this week I have released our Lucy Let The episodes because yes, Mark: murdery bits. Andy: because she's been back in the news with this Channel 4 documentary and everything so I thought we'd take Mark: Yeah. Andy: advantage of the publicity. Mark: Yes, why not? Andy: And of course, apart from speaking shite, we've got our normal episodes on Sunday, lots of stuff to listen to. If you've got any ideas for episodes, let us know at strange stuff podcast at gmail.com. If you'd like to listen to our murdery bits that haven't been released, you can join us at patreon.com backslash strange stuff podcast. And I don't know. Just follow us, like us, subscribe, look at us on YouTube, listen Mark: Yeah. Andy: to us on Spotify, Apple podcasts, wherever you get your podcasts, we're everywhere. So in Mark: Good idea. Andy: the meantime, have yourself a strange week and we'll literally see you in a couple of days on Sunday. Mark: Yep, excellent. Andy: Bye for now. Mark: Jerio.