Andy: Morning everyone, I'm Andy Mark: Mark. Andy: and this is the second episode of Speaking Shite. And if you missed the first episode, that's because you didn't go to our Patreon to hear it for free at patreon dot com backslash strange stuff podcast. So go there now. Although it doesn't really Mark: Indeed. Andy: matter because they're not Sequential as it were, as you'll find out. If you missed the first episode, what we're gonna do in speaking shite is basically speak shite. Shite shall be spaken. Mark: No, hang on, hang on. It's contemporaneous with the news that's out on that particular day or week. Andy: Now look, I know you've been sort of promoted. You've gone from intern unpaid to assistant administrative T-boy unpaid. Mark: You Andy: And with that comes extra responsibilities. Now I'm wondering if you've actually undertaken any of your responsibilities and you've actually researched anything for today's chat. Mark: What do mean the news stories? Andy: Yes. Mark: Absolutely. In fact, I've actually risked having my laptop open, not laptop, Andy: Oof. Mark: my iPad, and I'm currently looking at the Daily Star front page. Do you remember that newspaper? Andy: You mock me mercilessly for reading the current bun, and you are pulling the pud over page seven of the Daily Star as we speak. Mark: What do mean? There is a page seven, is there? Andy: I I don't know what page it is, but the Daily Star definitely had a page five or a page something. I don't think they probably do it online. I think you'd have to buy the hard copy to get the the rank material. Mark: Well, actually, there's nothing that would induce me to masturbate with the news stories that are on the front page. And I think the front page is free, but as soon as you click on a story, they want you to pay, basically. Andy: Yeah, it's just headlines, isn't it? And basically that's fine because all we need is headlines mostly. There is a bit of unfortunate news that we missed on our last episode because it happened after we finished recording. And that was of course Mark: so we didn't miss it. Andy: the death of Tim Curry. One of the most iconic actors of all time. Mark: yes, that's right. Rocky Horror Show. Andy: The Rocky Horror Show, yeah, Frankenfurter. Mark: Yeah. Andy: Who hasn't dressed as Frankenfurter at some point? I still do, quite regularly. Mark: he normally dresses him that's right and i mean he did play other roles obviously he was quite a successful actor i think Andy: He was a very good actor and he had great range. I remember one film he was in, where he played an Irish hoodlum. It was called Blue Money. And I only ever saw it once. I only ever saw it come on the T V once. It was a great film. Mark: So when did the Rocky Horror Show come out? When was that? Andy: my god, that was back in the eighties? Mark: Must have been the 80s. Yeah. Yep. Andy: I mean really, really one of the most successful franchises Mark: I don't think I ever saw it live. Andy: What? It was you had to I Mark: I never saw the musical, The Rocky Horror Show. Andy: mean, you had to go and experience the Rocky Horror Show. Mark: because that was when everybody showed up dressed in costume didn't they? Andy: Yeah, yeah. Mark: I don't think so obviously I saw the film but no there was another film actually in the news this week and I can't remember why do you remember that film with Dustin Hoffman the Midnight Cowboy? Apparently Andy: Yes. Mark: that was the only movie x-rated movie to ever win an Oscar Andy: Really? Mark: And I don't remember it being... I mean, the themes were obviously very adult. Andy: Yeah, it was drugs mostly, wasn't it? Mark: Well, no, he was a gigolo. Voight played the part of a gigolo. And there were sort of gay scenes in it, was it? And that was very early on. Christ, that must have been... I reckon that was a 1960s movie. Andy: Maybe. Mark: have been 1960. I mean it was a great movie. What was Dustin Hoffman's character? Sicko. Rizzo. Andy: Bizar, yeah. Mark: Rizzo. Yeah. No, it was a very good film and obviously won an Oscar. I think it won more than one Oscar actually. Andy: Are sure? I mean sort of apocalypse now must have won an Oscar. That couldn't have been anything less than an X Mark: I have a feeling that they're playing it a little bit because X-rated, they're probably talking X-rated in America and maybe they stopped using that because didn't they introduce a new rating system in America and it's called an R, exactly, yeah an R18 or something. So maybe they're playing, but hang on a second do you think Apocalypse Andy: now it's R and it used to be eighteen and fifteen. the s the censorship in this book. Mark: Now? What was other than the very frightening war scenes? Head in the lap. Andy: Well I mean the war scenes like even f films like Platoon and all those epic war films, they were groundbreaking because of the way they were directed and filmed. There was absolutely there's Oscars involved. Mark: Yeah, but they may not have been x-rated, that's what I'm saying. Andy: they would have been because of the death scenes and the Mark: No, but we were talking about this last week, how it's completely acceptable in America to have extreme violence. That's absolutely fine, but show a Andy: It's recommended, in fact. Mark: nipple and suddenly the whole world is aghast. Yeah, so that's right, Tim Curry, Dustin Hoffman. I think Dustin Hoffman must still be alive. I don't know whether John Voight is still alive. Andy: Not sure about John Voy. He's got a famous daughter, hasn't he? Mark: Errr, I'm sure he does, I don't know. Actress. Andy: Yeah, yes. Can't remember which one it is. Mark: Now, I just happened to have this star thing and I know I should know who this person is. I hope to God a woman called Bonnie Blue, that's not the porn actress. Andy: yes, yes it is her of a thousand men. Mark: She has had a baby. Andy: Yes, and I mean I thought it was a publicity stunt when she announced she was pregnant because there is I mean, it's more the the odds of winning the lottery are higher than finding the father. Or lower than finding the father, as it were. social services really need to get involved o on day one and remove that child from that fucking sc cum bucket because she is a rotten, rotten person. Mark: I mean it's an interesting point actually. wonder if... I mean because certainly, very sadly, babies do get removed from their mothers at birth if they are deemed to be... I don't know what the judgement is, they're incapable of being a proper mother or something. Andy: If she is judged to be a fit mother, then I give up on the human race completely. Because she is Mark: It's very interesting point. Andy: a long way from being fit for anything. Mark: Though having said that, of course at the moment there is, we have spoken about this, where only two or three weeks ago, it was in the news, up until 1976 they were taking babies away from single mothers. Andy: Yeah. Yes, we have spoken about that. Mark: I mean, literally taking them, not the mothers giving them up voluntarily. Even the Salvation Army was involved in this. Forced adoptions of children into the 1970s. Andy: Yeah, because they re Yeah, because we abolished slavery, so they invented selling children. Mark: So it's a pretty sensitive subject but you're absolutely right. I wonder if in modern society sleeping with a thousand, well not sleeping, just having sex with a thousand men, was it a thousand or a hundred? Andy: A thousand. And don't say no, I know for a fact it was a thousand. I was number nine hundred and twenty two. Mark: What? How long do you think that takes to have sex with a thousand men? Andy: Well no, it had to be done within twenty four hours. It was basically line up, stick it in, get it out, next man in. Mark: How absolutely appalling. Andy: Yeah, and her father was involved in the organisation of the whole fucking setup. Can you imagine what kind of fucking family you Mark: You know, it is pretty sad and, you know, well, we'll see. Will the social services get involved? What are they going to do? If it's a daughter, are they going to promote the idea of the youngest person to sleep with a thousand men in a day? Andy: Absolutely, absolutely they will, because they're money hungry cash whores. And the fucking the saddest thing is people are paying to watch this shit. Mark: They make money on it, well obviously. Andy: Yes, of course, it was live streamed, her thousand man banged. Mark: Who would want to watch it? Andy: Well, obviously some people, 'cause she made a lot of money out of it. And you know, she's but she's been thrown out of a couple of countries since then because she's been driving around Europe in a bang bus, just letting people fuck her on camera. Just pull up next to a group of men and say who wants to go It's just the whole thing is despicable. Mark: No, that's Daily Star territory. Andy: Seriously, Mark, you you have no idea what goes on in the world around you. This is absolute fact. Mark: Well, thank God. Andy: This is absolute fact. Mark: But who would pay money? What is even titillating about watching some poor woman being screwed by her? Andy: It's the sick fucks who like the abuse. It's an outlet for abuse, isn't it? Because obviously it's it's not sex or making love, it's rape. Mark: No. Andy: You're watching rape, basically. These men all wearing hoods because they don't want to be identified in case their wife watches. Mark: Sorry, the men are hooded. Andy: Yes, because they don't want to be identified. They're all married for fuck's sake. Who do you think queues up for this? It's not single young men, it's all middle aged older fucking married men who ain't getting it at home. Mark: Do you think the Bang bus has been to Shelefcio? Did you see what was going on? Andy: She did she didn't call me to t to warn me which she would do. I mean Mark: Well I hope to God that this name she uses, Bonnie Blue or whatever, is an alias and that the child will go to school. Andy: she's got a very recognizable face. She looks I dunno how to say this without offending at least seventy percent of our viewers and listeners. Mark: No, she looked quite pretty. Andy: She she's she looks like a man in drag, honestly. Mark: Now I've just seen a photograph of her on this Star of Daily Star. No, no, no, I have no... Andy: Yeah, you've seen that criminal makeup. You see her Mark: She apparently she was sit... She made the announcement sitting on the toilet eating toast according to the Daily Star. Andy: And probably with a fucking butt plug up her ass at the same time, which had its own camera for the pay pay-per-view subscribers. Mark: Anyway, you know, mean that is, dear, terrible. But you know, there's a bit of, it is interesting. So you've got the Daily Star that I looked at to do my research for this program. And I also looked at the Daily Telegraph. And I wonder if I can get it back up. There was an interesting story in the Daily Telegraph. front page of the Daily Telegraph and the headline on the paper is, Andy Burnham, British Prime Minister, to free criminals deemed dangerous to society. Andy: Yeah. Mark: But do know what the actual story is about? Andy: I'm guessing it's very tenuous link to the headline. Mark: Well, the only thing that actually Andy Burnham is suggesting is that they do away with indefinite prison sentences. Andy: No. See that's wrong. Mark: No, no, no, that's what I'm saying. That is what the story is. So he's Andy: Yeah. Mark: not wanting to free criminals. He's just wanting to put a finite limit associated with a particular crime. Andy: I will only agree with that if they increased the limit by one hundred percent. Mark: You can put someone in prison for a hundred years. Yeah, but you can. Andy: No, you can't. No, because if you're sentenced to life in England, it's only fifteen years maximum. seventeen, that's life, is it? It used to be thirty years. They keep reducing Mark: 17 actually yeah yeah I don't know but I know I'm not agreeing with it is that right Andy: and reducing. It's time to go the other way because I don't care that we haven't got room in the prisons, build some fucking prisons. You've got enough prisoners as a labor force, get them building. Mark: Well, here's a question for you. Maybe we're talking a little bit at cross purposes. So if you murder someone in England and you get a life sentence, call it 17 years. Andy: Doesn't ever happen. It doesn't ever happen. They get five years, six years. It's ridiculous Mark: No, they don't. Andy: I can prove it. I can prove it. People are getting away with murder every day in the UK. They do not sentence you to life ever, unless you steal money. If you steal money, you're going down, mate. Mark: Are we allowed to actually do research while we're talking, Andy? Andy: As long as you're quick, 'cause we're not gonna sit here for ten minutes while you go C R I Mark: What's the quickest way to ask the question, how many live sentences have been issued in the UK in 2025? Andy: Alexa, how many people were sentenced to life in prison in twenty twenty? Alexa knows nothing. Alexa is actually rubbish. I don't know if Siri's any better, but unless you're asking what time it is or what the weather's like, you're fucked. Mark: Okay. All right, well, I did it before you. So there. So all right, so if no one ever gets a life sentence in the UK, how many prisoners do you think are currently sitting in jails in England with life sentences? Zero, you're Andy: No idea. Mark: saying. Andy: I didn't say zero. Look, don't start this fucking bullshit, right? Mark: What? Andy: You're not fucking cunt O'Brien. Don't pretend that I said nobody ever in the history of the the world gets a life sentence. So how many people are serving? Mark: You literally said no one gets like these so they get five years for murder. Andy: Yes. see? There it is. Murder. Ask how many people are not serving life sentences for committing murder. That is the more important question here. Mark: Well, there's seven and a half thousand prisoners in the UK serving life sentences. Andy: That's nothing. And I I guarantee you over half of those are for f financial crimes. Mark: I don't think there's a single financial crime that can give you a life sentence. Andy: the great train robbers. Mark: today. Andy: Any financial crime gives you more than murder. It's a fact. Mark: No. Andy: It's a fact. You you see what they do to those Brinks Map people if they ever get their hands on them. The the old boys who tunnelled into Hatton Garden. They all got fucking fifteen, twenty years. This it's just it's just so unreasonable. They don't hurt anybody, they steal money and they go to prison for the rest of their fucking lives. You murder someone, you say, it wasn't me, it was my dad he treated me bad when I was a kid. They go, alright, you go and see a doctor and we'll let you out in two years. Fucking shit cunt country. Mark: I mean every time, every time we go Andy: That's Mark: on air you're downgrading UK to a shit country. Andy: talking of shit. How are you enjoying your Swedish summer? Mark: Well it's been raining this week but apart from that... No it hasn't. Andy: It's been raining most of the summer. The whole of Europe has a heat wave and a fantastically hot summer, except Sweden, which has rain, wind, fog. It's just bollocks. How you know where I live. We've we've had maybe No, it hasn't. It's been mostly wet. It's been mostly wet. And we're Mark: Where do you live? Well I know you live in the north of Sweden. No, it's been a fantastic summer. Yeah, well here it has been. No it hasn't. No. Andy: only four weeks away from our annual fucking ice age. Mark: No, well that I agree with. No, it's been a fantastic summer. Andy: No. Mark: Because normally we have fantastic weather in May, a bit in June, and then as soon as people start taking holidays in July it starts raining and this year it didn't. I remember it because I commented on it. What a fantastic summer for everybody who's actually on vacation. Andy: No, it was raining here. Mark: Yeah, well you just live in the wrong part of town. So I'm not surprised Andy: fucking time. Mark: that you segueed away from your life sentence question to talk about the weather. Andy: I don't I just don't want to argue with you about it because you're wrong. You're wrong. The Mark: What? Andy: justice system in England is entirely broken. People are getting no sentences for really ridiculous rape and murder Mark: I'm not... I've never suggested otherwise. Andy: goes basically unpunished. Whereas if you steal money, my god. Mark: Isn't it funny because I would never think that of the UK but funnily enough I used to think that of Sweden that crimes against other people were never treated harshly enough whereas financial crimes like tax evasion and fraud were always you know you got sent to the gulag as it were but I didn't I never thought that of the UK. Andy: Yeah. You should because yeah, because you've you've it's never occurred to you is all. You know, I grew up with people who did financial crimes as a way of making a living. And they are so much more harshly treated. Mark: Well, I may surprise you to say that I do know someone who actually went to prison for a financial crime. Andy: You know a lot of people who should be in prison for financial crimes. You're some of your best friends for fuck's sake. Mark: Ha Andy: And yourself. Everyone you've actually been involved with professionally should be in prison for financial crimes. Mark: Well, what was the difference between me sitting in the trading desk and you keeping the heating systems working? You were supporting that criminal activity as well, weren't you? Come on. Who would show up to work in a cold office? Andy: No, I was sustaining I was sustaining life. Mark: to facilitate in your mind criminal activity on the... Andy: I can't be help look, just because I save your life doesn't mean I'm responsible for it. We're not in China. Mark: I don't think the heating system that you were in charge of actually... Andy: I you know, I was not just in charge of a heating system, mate. I was in charge of rebuilding the whole interior of an office block floor by floor, like the f painting the fourth bridge. We'd get to the top floor and then go back down Mark: and start. Andy: to the first floor and start again ripping out false floors, false ceilings or raised floors and false ceilings. lighting systems, telephone systems, all communication systems and starting from bare concrete and we would put together a whole new floor of offices. Mark: It was actually the building next door. They were connected, but you were in the building next door to me, so there was definitely a wall in between us. Thank God. Andy: we were a freestanding block Henderson's, I'm pretty sure. Mark: No you won't. No. No, I don't think so. Was there literally a gap between the two buildings Andy: I th Mark: where the walkway was? Andy: no, actually on our l if you're looking at Henderson's, on the left we had Mark: Yes. Andy: a pub, a little cellar bar and something Mark: Yeah. Andy: above it. on the right, I'm not sure if there was another entrance to a building or Mark: No, no, you're getting confused because you spent so much time in the pub. The pub was actually 50 metres away from you. You were opposite the wine bar. Andy: We were opposite a pub as well. There was two pubs. Mark: Anyway. Andy: I know this. Mark: Well, I worked there for longer than you did. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, you're right, because Andy: Yeah, but I spent more time in the pubs than you did. Mark: I used to go to the wine bar, obviously. Andy: Well they wouldn't let us in the wine bar. Because we were humans. We were not dressed for the wise Mark: Is that right? The maintenance workers weren't allowed in the wine bar. That was restricted to... Andy: bar well for the wine bar. Mark: What you think they needed? You needed a bloody jacket and tie. Andy: Did you ever see anyone in that wine bar dressed like they actually worked Mark: in overalls. Andy: for a living? Mark: No, you're right. Interestingly, you know these days no one even wears a tie in the city. Most people wear a suit but they don't wear a tie. Andy: Do you know I started that? I remember no, I did. Seriously. I remember when I was doing jury duty Mark: What the fuck? Andy: in the Old Bailey. And I was I I had yes, and I and I did Mark: No. No, it's simply not true. There's no way that they would have called you up to serve on a jury in the Old Bailey. Andy: Not only that, I did an attempted murder and a drug importation. And while I was doing my jury service, my national duty, I was dressed rather smartly. And I remember one day I was walking d outside at at lunchtime and I was wearing like a Calvin Klein suit with and it's a narrow neck. So you don't wear a shirt and tie. normally wear a t-shirt underneath, but on this occasion I did have a shirt, but it had no collar. So it was a collarless shirt. So, look fabulous. Two fucking clone little dealers walking towards me, dressed identically, little fucking Tweedledee and Tweedledum, with their churches shoes and their pinstraped suits and their stiff collars and cuffs, and they were looking at me, and I could hear them talking, and one of them goes, Some people just really have no idea of style. And I was laughing to myself because they're right, some people just certainly don't, you fucking clone, looking like every other muppet who works in the city. Mark: Did I look like everybody else working in the city? Probably, Andy: Yes. Mark: though I did have a wide brim hat which definitely set me apart. Andy: you were pimpin. Mark: What's that a pimping? Andy: You were pimpin. Mark: pimping? No I wasn't pimping. Andy: Ooh Mark the pimp. Ooh Mark, look at you. Mark: I can't believe that you, you actually, so I know obviously everybody gets called for jury service but they accepted you on a jury. Andy: They didn't just accept me, they sent me a letter begging me to do my duty, because they knew I was the only one out of the twelve men, good and true, who would actually understand what was going on in the courthouse. I managed to get one of the drug dealers off. Mark: Now, I was going to say, I was going to say, are you allowed to say, I suppose it was so many years ago, no one could possibly be bothered. so did you vote, you need a unanimous verdict, don't you, in jury trials? Andy: Not necessarily. They will accept a majority if you can't come to a a unanimous decision. And Mark: But did you actually get any... because I convicted one guy. Andy: Yes. No, no, no. I I wouldn't convict anyone out of print on principle. But as it happens, everyone who was up in front of me was innocent. They were guilty of something, but not the crimes that they were com they were convicted or trying to be convicted of. The attempted murder was a s a complete fit-up. It was a a young Scottish homeless lad who was basically went round his Drug dealer's house to get some smack and took his smack, fell asleep on the sofa, gouching, as they call it, when you're sort of into a heroin coma. And while he was unconscious, two other dudes came to the apartment and stabbed the dealer. And we listened. They played us the telephone call, it was really interesting, and they showed us all the photos, of course. But The telephone call was another Scottish guy's Hello nine nine nine nine, can I help you? I'm stabbed! I'm stabbed Mark: He survived obviously. Andy: Yeah. and the photos, I mean the thing is, he survived, but he pointed the finger at the unconscious guy and he was arrested for attempted murder. Now, the reason I know it wasn't him is because the on the photos of the stab wounds, clearly two different knives were being used. Now, unless this guy came out of his heroin coma and drew a sharp pointy stiletto blade. And a wide bladed other blade from somewhere and started it was it was just ridiculous. The guys who stabbed him, he didn't want to grass up. So the guy who was unconscious was an easy target. It it was just a lie after lie after lie. Anyway, we got we got him in not guilty. Which was a a good result. And in fact, he was homeless in Soho. And not two days after we got not guilty, and I was the spokesman for that particular trial. I heard this voice behind me going, Me, me, and I've turned around, it's him off his face. And he's got this girl with him, another homeless. He's gone, it's Majora, it's Majora. Majora. Mark: I don't even know what that is. Dura, Dura, yeah. Andy: Anyway, I ended up having to give him a £20 note. So don't spend it all on smack, get yourself beer as well. Mark: What was the trial that we sent the guy to? yes, handling stolen goods. Andy: honestly, I want you g don't you feel guilty about that? Mark: No, he was a criminal. Andy: and you've never bought anything off the back of a lorry? Mark: No, but it was the absurdity of the... I mean, we probably sent him down based on his own stupidity. He bought a British Airways first-class ticket to Australia off a Andy: On someone else's credit card. Mark: bloke in a pub, he claimed. I mean, literally. Andy: That's not stupidity, that's just the that's the go to excuse. Where did you get those Mark: Well, and... Andy: drugs? I won them in a card game. Mark: No exactly, I mean it was just it was so patently absurd and in fact he he flew out from London to Sydney on on the Andy: Well they l they actually went on this. Mark: but obviously suspicions were raised but I assume that British Airways didn't want to say, mate you're flying on a stolen ticket out but he realised that he didn't want to risk the return journey to the UK, so he bought another ticket to return from Sydney to UK and never claimed or complained about this supposed first-class ticket from Sydney to London that he simply didn't use. The whole story was completely unbelievable and the thing I remember most or so vividly was He stood up in the dock and the judge started talking to him for whatever reason and he said, just hang on a second. And he pulled out two hearing aids and put two hearing aids in. There's some sort of sympathy vote. I mean, Andy: Well I forgot Could you start again? Mark: it was just absurd. Yes, my Lord, I bought a first class plane ticket from London to Sydney off a bloke in a pub. Well, who was he? I don't know, he was just a bloke in a... Andy: Yeah, he just had a ticket. And I thought that's a great idea. It's a bit like Harvey Wyn Weinstein turning up at court with a walker. Mark: Yeah, exactly. Andy: As a sex offender. well look, I couldn't possibly be a sex pest. Look I can a barely walk. Mark: So we sent him down but in fact we did find the other two cases innocent and I have a feeling it was a similar sort of set up. The police pretty much were sort of setting this bloke up without any physical evidence whatsoever. he's a known wrongman sort of thing and then that's Andy: Yeah. Mark: enough to send him down. Andy: I felt it in my police constable's gut. Yeah, the drugs case I was on was two Turkish guys importing quite a large amount of heroin in a s in the hollowed out insides of a speed boat or two speed boats. Mark: that they were driving and they happened to have traces of cocaine on their fingers. Andy: No, they were they were transported in containers. Mark: and you found them innocent Andy: Yes. Mark: on the basis that Andy: On the basis that the whole thing in Turkey, like the renting of a Range Rover, the setting up of the facilities, the purchase of the speed boats, it was all done by undercover customs agents from the UK. They basically set up the whole fucking thing themselves and then arrested the blokes that they got to run it. Fuck you. Yeah, entrapment. Mark: What's that? Encaachment. What's it called? Entrapment. Entrapment. Andy: Yeah. And like they they were so fucking arrogant as well. The the one guy in who was there from Customs and Excise, he was being questioned by the defence lawyers saying, what what he would ask him a question, he'd say, I don't know, I'd have to refer to my notes. Say, Well, refer to your notes. I don't have my notebook with me. Okay, well then we'll have an adjournment and you can get your notebook. next day Okay, now can we refer to your notes? Yep. So he asked him a question again and says, no, I'm not allowed to divulge that, it's classified. And it was like, Fuck you, I'm not answering your questions. Just find them guilty. We set them up, you send them down. It was like, fuck no. No, no, no, no. We're not playing that game, you fucking twat. Hate them. Hate them. No respect for them at all. Mark: So do they, can't, you know, I've seen so many TV programmes, I can't remember. Were we questioned by the lawyers to determine whether we were suitable members of the jury? Were you questioned? Andy: No, but they no, but the defence are given the opportunity to object to any jurors they don't like the look of. And the one on the murder trial, he came up to me in a pub afterwards, the the defence lawyer, 'cause he went for a drink with the the set free and he said, We were gonna object to you and I'm glad we didn't. I said, Why were you gonna object to me? He said, You just look wrong. Mark: criminal. Andy: I said, You're wrong I I said I look more like a criminal than he does. You want me on your side. And the the one guy that we got not guilty on one of the drug dealers, and the other one we couldn't we couldn't convince enough people to go not guilty, so he got sent for a retrial. So I hope he got a sympathetic jury. Mark: Hmm. Andy: next time. But the one we got off, he was he was a TV star in Turkey. Like he was a television star. And he was also drinking in a pub with his lawyer afterwards and we went to the pub, me and a couple of the other jurors, and we met him and he he looked at me, shook my hand, he said, I owe you my life. I said, and I'm gonna make you pay Mark: It is, I don't know how long in those days when we were doing jury service, I wonder how long it took to go to trial because these days you can wait years Andy: Yes. Mark: to go to trial Andy: Yeah. Mark: and that must be absolutely terrible. Andy: Hmm. Yeah, especially Mark: to wait years to go. Andy: when you're found innocent at the end of it. I mean, a very good friend of Mark: Do you remember, I mean, some of... Andy: mine spent quite a long time on remand, wait a wait in trial, and you know who I'm talking about. He was a bit of a T V star, Craig Charles. He was accused of rape. Mark: That's right, what was that spaceship program he was on? Red Dwarf. Andy: Red Dwarf. And he he spent time he spent quite a long time on remand. And the reason Mark: Did he? Andy: they put him on remand was basically the police corruption, as usual. His older brother was an inspector in the Merseyside Police Force. And of course, because he's black, the fucking police hated him. So they saw an opportunity to fuck off their superior black officer by putting the younger brother. in jail for as long as possible before he was even convicted of anything. Cause normally no, he was found innocent. Mark: But he wasn't convicted, was he, or was he? Yeah. Andy: and bec normally, with rape cases especially, you're never remanded in custody. You're always out on bail. Mark: Yeah, that must be pretty bad. Did he ever go back into TV after that? Andy: He's on TV now. He he spent quite a long time on Coronation Street a few years ago. Mark: Alright. Andy: He's still working away. I haven't seen him for such a long time. The last time I saw him actually was at another friend's wedding that we were both attending. this was where the reception was held on the roof gardens in K Kensington. Mark: We used to go there. Andy: Yeah. Yeah, they let anyone in there, believe me. We me and Craig me and Craig Mark: You remember you could play backgammon in the roof gardens as I recall. Andy: were playing hide and seek with the security guards. We w we were trying to find somewhere s to go off and have a a sneaky sniff. But because he's so famous as a sniffer, fuck me. We had our own private security team following us around the whole venue all night. Mark: I don't know whether he'd like this information out in the public domain, Andy. Andy: he's well known in the public domain as as having issues. Mark: a sniffer. I have a feeling that Roof Gardens was called Tingles at one stage. Andy: We were definitely tingly by the end of the evening. But Mark: We used to go maybe we were there at the same time. This was sort of Andy: This is twenty six years ago, I can tell you that. Mark: Well, can't be still operating 2000. I'm talking about 1979, 1980. Andy: no, I was I was sixteen in those days. Just like that wasn't me. Yeah, no, no, no. Mark: Yeah, well I was 18 and we were going there. Andy: I I was working my way up to high class crime. I mean, high class living at that age. No, the when I the last time I was there was actually just after Hannah was born, six months after she was born, because it was the first time we'd left her with my mum in sole charge just to go to this wedding. And Craig had a daughter at the same time as Hannah was born and we were we were talking baby shit, basically. Mark: I wonder, wouldn't it be funny if our paths, I don't think our paths ever would have, I mean we got pretty close working. Andy: We we could have been mugger and muggy. No. Mark: Yes, luckily. Have you ever been mugged? No, nor have I. Andy: No, I've never mugged anyone either. That's obviously Mark: Good. Andy: just a a laugh. Mark: No, but anyway, I don't know how we managed to get on from indeterminate prison sentences to Tingle's nightclub in Kensington. Andy: Well that's what speaking shite is all about. We just sit here and speak shite and see what comes out. Mark: When did the Lake of Ontario come out? Was that last week or has that happened in between? Andy: no, he didn't actually release the video of him renaming it Lake of America with his Sharpie until this week. So Mark: That's right. All right. Andy: it's official now because he's written it on a map. So it's now Lake of America or Lake America. Fucking wanker. What is wrong with him? And when I mean so many people have got so much to answer for. The the the fact that he's still calling himself the President of the United States, it's just it's just beyond the joke now. Mark: you realize that the midterms are only six weeks away. Andy: Won't happen. Mark: I think they'll happen. And in fact, unbelievably, Rubio, you know Rubio, he's the whatever he is, the top man, he actually said in an interview the other day that as a result of the rezoning that should gain us eight to nine seats. I mean, he actually said it in an interview. Andy: Hm. Yeah, he's he's yeah, he's yeah, he's quite happily saying how they're fixing the results or trying to fix the results. Mark: He literally said, as a result of the rezoning, we should be winning eight to nine more seats. I mean, what the fu- Talk about election. Andy: Yeah. have you tried have you tried bribery, Mark? Mark: dear. I wonder if there is going to be a major reaction that people, Andy: There has to be. Mark: if people are willing to show up with all these marches and everything, you can imagine the turn, because I was listening the other day, how many people do you think, what proportion of the American population voted for Trump? Andy: Something like eight percent probably. Mark: No, it wasn't. It was 30%. But the thing is that of those 30%, some of them must be pissed with what he's been doing. And so they're Andy: Well, they're all poorer for it. Mark: all poorer for it. If you can actually motivate the Democrat voters... to actually go out and vote in force. This is it. This is the day that determines the future of the states, whether it's going to remain a democracy or whether it's just going to become an authoritarian society. If you can motivate the Democrats to go out and vote, I have a feeling that the Republicans could get absolutely crushed in the midterms. Andy: Well it's already an authoritarian society. I mean it was boasting in the newspapers today about the deal he's done with Venezuela for a hundred and twenty billion's worth of oil. And by deal he means piracy. Mark: Yeah, 65 billion. Yeah. Andy: It's it's unbelievable that he's boasting about stealing a country's oil resources and making out that it's all down to his business ideals. It's just fucking ridiculous. He kidnaps the president and then steals the oil and says look at the great deal I made. Mark: I wonder if first 65 billion barrels is enough to, or dollars worth or whatever it was, is enough to bring the prices down in the States. Andy: No, it's it's they they haven't got the facilities to refine it. It's crude oil. Mark: I see, it's crude. Andy: They they haven't got the facilities. They it would take ten to fifteen years to build refineries. You can't just chuck a refinery up, you don't get it as a pre pack in Ikea. Mark: That's the crazy thing about that situation in Venezuela. I can't remember who the presidents of Venezuela have been. Chavez? that his e-Venezuelan? Andy: Chavez. Mark: And they were all saying that the reason why Venezuela has been shafted is simply because the level of corruption was such that even though it was their main source of revenue, their oil revenue, all of the bloody oil rigs were rusting, they were all breaking down because they couldn't be bothered to invest the money just to maintain them. Andy: Yeah, because people were stealing the money. Mark: But how stupid can you be that your main source of revenue, even as a corrupt politician... Now hang on a second, maybe if I actually grease that grease nipple I'm going to get billions of more corrupt money coming in as opposed to... Andy: Yeah, the problem is that all of these corrupt officials know that when they get a job as corrupt official number one, their lifespan has reduced by twenty five years. So they have to make as much as they can as quickly as possible and get the Mark: actually you're right they've got to get out as much as possible yeah yeah Andy: fuck out of town. Mark: yeah well in fact i think that is a good it's a good symptom of a corrupt how corrupt somewhere is is how quickly these people are trying to extract money and when you look at the trump family that's pretty extreme in terms of how how much money they're trying to extract as quickly as possible Andy: the biggest pickpocket of all time. He makes Fagan look like an amateur. Mark: Yes. I wonder what justice looks like for the Trump family. Andy: Only death only death will serve. Mark: No, mean, no, I mean actual, what is going to happen to them? They can't remain in power forever. What is gonna? No, they're not. No. Andy: As I say. Death. Yes, they need a lynch mob. They need a lynch mob. We need to go back. We need to get medieval on their asses. Mark: Yeah, well I don't necessarily disagree, but I don't think that's what's going to happen. I think they're going to be forgiven. Andy: Burn the women. Hang drawn quarter the the men. And Trump should go last. He should watch his whole dynasty be dismantled in front of his eyes before his eyes are fed to the crows. Mark: I don't think it's going to happen because I think the Democrats haven't got the balls. Andy: And then his money should be given to me to redistribute to the poor, at my Mark: Yes. Andy: leisure, from my yacht. Mark: I wonder if they will be made to take account of what they've done. Andy: We live in a world of non-accountability. The only people who take account for anything are us, the little people. The people in power Mark: Newton. Andy: have put themselves out of law's reach. That's why you've got Rachel Reeves backing the government after being shamed out of it. It it didn't even take a year after trying to fucking fiddle her taxes and fuck around with. Mark: Rachel Reeves, Andy: Yeah. Mark: she was found completely innocent of any wrongdoing. Andy: No she yeah by whom? she she simply forgot Mark: Well, the parliamentary standards people who... No, it wasn't. It was HMRC. Andy: Well she forgot to pay her stamp duty, did she? Mark: What are you talking about? You're talking about a She was found completely... You don't think that they had it in for her. If you're talking about the establishment, she was a northerner, she was a woman, and she stood up to people like... Who was that lanky streak of piss who I absolutely hate? Lord Andy: You loved him. Mark: Totti. What's his name? The fellow in parliament? Lord Snooty. Andy: yeah, I know, the one who made the front pages by lying Mark: and you think she was part of the problem? Andy: She is part of the problem. Mark: She's not, she's a, she is literally a man of the people or a woman of the people. What do mean she literally came from a working... Andy: No, she's not. No she's not. She's an MP. She's an MP guilty by association. The whole lot of need shooting and hanging and burning. Mark: So, well on that basis Andy, then democracy cannot cannot resolve the problems that exist in the UK. Andy: We don't have a democracy. Mark: What do you mean there is or there are reasonably free elections in the UK and there's not billions being thrown other than farages? Andy: Sorry, but to have a true democracy you have to have a choice. And there is no choice. Does doesn't matter who you vote for, nothing changes. Shit stays the same. Mark: No, I'm sorry. Andy: what's changed? Mark: Well, we've got Andy Burnham in and you've got a new Prime Minister. Andy: So what's changed? Mark: What do mean, in terms of policy? Andy: Anything. What's what's what has he done? What is he promising to do? Fucking nothing. Kiastarmer was Mark: He's only been in the job... He's only been in the job for weeks, so give him a chance. Andy: in the job two, three years. What did he do? Nothing. Mark: No, well that's why he got sacked, because he didn't do what everybody was expecting him to do. No, he's a criminal. Yeah. Yeah. Andy: Boris Johnson stole money, made his friends cash, and then resigned. Mark: Yeah. Andy: Where's his accountability? Mark: There is, I'm not defending Boris Johnson for Christ's sake or any of the lot that were in there. Andy: Time is so we we go on about Trump a lot. We need to look at the UK as well because they are just as corrupt. Just not on such a grand scale. Because we don't have Mark: You think so. You think that Andy Burnham is going to make billions for his family, do you? Andy: I guarantee he's his his ninety gr his ninety thousand pound salary will go a lot further than anybody else's ninety thousand pound salary. You wait and see if Mark: Yeah, and small and that. Andy: he's not a millionaire in a couple of years. Mark: I think the Prime Minister owns 160, but anyway. Andy: Ooh, a hundred and sixty. That's gonna be peanuts. Compared to what he walks away with, believe me. Mark: What's the opposite? You know when people have a rosy attitude and they say they've got rose-tinted glasses. What colour glasses do you wear? Andy: I'm a pessimist. I'm a pessimist. When and I'm not even a pessimist, I'm a realist. I know corrup Mark: Now you're a cynic. Andy: I can smell corruption. And politics is the stinkiest job on the planet. Please Mark: I think you should stop talking and stand for parliament. You've got a chance. I think you might be a bit late for this round. Andy: That's like me saying I'm against prostitution, therefore I'm gonna sell my bottom. Mark: No it's not. No, no selling your bottom is adding Andy: It is. It's I I can't become what I detest. Mark: to the problem. Andy: Exactly. I can I cannot become what I detest. I detest politicians. You you They're Mark: No, no, no, you detest corrupt politicians. Andy: all corrupt. That's the that's the appeal of the job these days. It's not like four weeks holiday, ninety grand a year, second apartment in London. It's now four week holiday, ninety grand a year, second apartment in London. License to print money. Mark: well obviously I disagree. I mean, obviously I know there are loads of corrupt politicians around and I'm absolutely certain that a good proportion of politicians are in it for their own gain. But I definitely Andy: All of Mark: believe there are some politicians who are in it actually because they have a vocational draw towards doing good. Andy: Jeremy Corbin. Mark: Jeremy Corbyn, interesting example. He's got some pretty... Andy: He might have some strange ideals, but they are Mark: Easy, Yeah. Andy: ideals, and you cannot pin any corruption on Corbyn. So no matter what, he is one of those very rare things, an honest politician. Mark: I don't know. There are question marks. I don't know whether he was simply anti-Israel or whether he was anti-Semitic. It's Andy: I Mark: difficult to determine because he was, it's impossible to say. How would you know? Andy: I mean I am anti is Mark: Everybody's well anybody with half a brain is anti-israel, but that doesn't I'm certainly not anti-semitic. I don't care what religion you are Andy: There's not enough of them to be anti them. They're they're they're such a minority. They make up I think there's something ridiculous like I I saw a number. It's like half a million Jews in Lond in England. It's it's a very small number. It's it's just not that many. Mark: It's an interesting point. I wonder if you have a small enough number that people just can't be bothered. I wonder how many anti-astro-zorians are there in the UK. Do you think there's a group of... Well, they still exist. I work with one. Andy: Well, most people don't know Astrosaurians exist. I mean, my daughter's a a member of the church of the flying spaghetti. Mark: What do you mean, Asher Zoran is a proper religion? It's one of the oldest religions for Christ's sake. Andy: So is the f church of the flying spaghetti monster. It's proper religion, you're allowed to put it on the pole thing and everything. Mark: Spaghetti was only invented 50 years ago, so that can't be right. Andy: Nonsense, spaghetti trees have been growing free in Italy for hundreds of years. Mark: Now I must admit I'm a little bit more optimistic and you will call me naive. I mean there has to be there have to be some people out there who are part of the solution rather than the problem in terms of politicians. Andy: well I don't think we're gonna see anyone solve anything in our lifetime. Mark: It's an interesting point actually, if you think who was in power, you had Maggie Thatcher for a very long time. She wasn't really a solution to many problems. You had the other longest one was Tony Blair who started off okay and then it all went pear-shaped obviously with the Iran war, with the Iraq war. Who else have we had that was in there for any length of time? They're the main two aren't they? Andy: Edward Heath was around for quite a while. Mark: my god, Edward Heathen, the three day week. He was a disaster. Andy: Mm. In the seventies, yeah. I remember the power cuts. Yeah. Mark: I remember that. I remember power cuts. Yes. Andy: I was a kid, but we used to look forward to it. We had candles, we could start fires. It was fabulous. Mark: Yes, I mean, but having said that, of course, those people were intellectuals compared to the bloody lot that we ended up with towards the end, people like Boris Johnson. Andy: And the thing is, they this didn't happen because they were lying in their own pockets. They were just incompetent. It's it's like Mark: Yes, that's an interesting point. Andy: They had they had no idea how to run a country. Mark: So Maggie Thatcher didn't die a rich person, that's for sure. Andy: No, she w she wasn't making bank the way they make bank today. Mark: Do you actually think that most politicians... Andy: I do. Mark: If you said to me most conservative politicians, I would tend to agree because Track Record would probably promote that idea. Andy: Yes, but the other parties have learned from them. They've realized that they're the poor relations sitting opposite them in the House of Commons. The Conservatives are all wearing saville rose suits and churches shoes, and the Labour are all wearing fucking corduroy patches on their tweed jackets. I mean, hang on a minute, there's a bit of inequality going on here. We do the same job, and yet look at them and look at us. Mark: Who was Lord Snooty? Please tell me his name, it's going to trouble me for the whole day if I can't remember that guy's name. He went to Eton, he's about six and a half feet tall, he fell asleep and... Andy: good. In that case I'm not gonna help you. Yes. His mother tongue his mother tongue is Latin. Mark: Yeah, I think he probably does speak Latin. Andy: No, he did say that. Latin is my first language. English is my second. Mark: It's a double barrel sire name. Andy: Yes. Mark: You're not telling me you know his name and you're just not telling me. Andy: Of course I do. If I tell you his surname, will you even remember Mark: Well, Andy: his first name? Mark: yeah, me one of the names. Andy: If I give you one of them you'll get both of them. Mark: Alright, well whatever, give me a clue. Andy: Re smog. Mark: of course, yeah. Jacob Wanker. And he claims Andy: Okay. Mark: to be a Catholic for Christ's sake. Andy: they're the worst. Anyone who claims religion is someone to watch out for. I'm a I'm a very well respected and practising Catholic. I don't have to practice at being human because I'm very good at it. Mark: He's got about six children. Can you imagine being a child of someone like Rhys Morgan, the things that he's said? Andy: Yeah, and I've seen one of I've seen a picture of one of them and it the little fucker looks exactly like him, poor little sod. This is the one that was going to nursery school Mark: Yeah, he's got corduroy trousers. Andy: in a three in a three piece suit with a tie. Imagine sending your child to go and play in a sandpit in a fucking three piece suit. What is wrong with you? Mark: That was an AI generated picture. No child goes Andy: No it wasn't. This was before AI. Mark: to nursery school in a three piece suit. Can you imagine? It'd be bullied literally from day one in school. Andy: No, because everyone else everyone else would be wearing the same. They'd probably be complimented. that's a fabulous pair of cufflings. Did Meta buy them or Peta? Mark: Have you got any three pea suit? I don't have any three pea suits. I do have two pea suit. Andy: I don't have any three piece. I do have a couple of two pieces. But they're designer, they're not savel row. They're they're like Issy Mi Issy Miyaki, Calvin Klein. Mark: I've got some double-breasted ones as well actually. Do you remember when double- Andy: No, mine is single breasted. Mark: yeah well, the later ones were single-breasted but I've still got some double-breasted suits in my cupboard. Andy: I mean, mine were bought specifically for weddings, funerals and club openings and special special nights out basically. They were certainly never bought for everyday use in the office. Mark: I used to have everyday suits. think the only nice suit I've got remaining is a Valentino. That's the only nice suit I've got in my wardrobe at the moment. Andy: I've got two suits with me that still fit that I've had now for many years. Mark: Yes, and they still fit me as well actually. Yep. Yep. Andy: Yeah, we're kind of lucky in that respect, I guess, because our Mark: what we haven't turned into fat. Andy: Well, our bodies haven't changed that much over the last thirty years. Mark: No, in fact I would say I'm probably in better shape. I'm certainly in better shape now than when I was working. And I was 30 years younger when I was working. I was in terrible condition then. Although actually hang on a second, no I used to cycle quite a bit in those days. Andy: Yeah, but you also used to have four day lunches like what I did. Mark: And now I used to have two hour lunches with a bottle of wine, that's for sure. Andy: I I mean I spent years being in a nightclub until four or five in the morning and then go home, wake up at eleven, or sorry, go go we'd watch Jerry Springer's show. 'Cause it used to be on at like eight o'clock in the morning or something on one channel. And then Mark: and then you go to bed. Andy: then go to bed for a couple of hours. Wake up, the pub would open at eleven, so we'd get a crew together to go to have a few beers. And then seven o'clock make your way into Soho and start the whole day over again. Mark: I hope to God this is when you were sort of 17, 18. This isn't when you were a grown up. Andy: Yeah, this is when I was growing up. I was working in solo, wasn't I? So, you know, you have to part of part of my job was to consume copious amounts of Jack Daniels and Coke. Mark: What was your job title Andy? Did you ever actually have a job title? Andy: No one knew. Best job ever. People just used to pay me. Mark: I was going to say, this was a salary, it? Someone actually paid you on a monthly basis. Andy: No, I used I I I promoted a club or two clubs in fact. so the door money was mine and my partners Mark: When you say promoted, you weren't standing outside handing out flyers, were you? Alright. Andy: No, we had people we paid to do that. But we we we would take over a club for a night and it would be a special night, like we had the Perv Club. It wasn't called the Perv Club. And we also had a rock night. Mark: I see. So when you say promoting, what Andy: Yeah. Mark: you're actually talking about, you rented a particular club once a week or whatever it was for, as you... Andy: We didn't rent it, it didn't cost us anything. We we we would put a proposal forward that we would fill that club up with people buying drinks and we got the door money. Mark: I see. All right, but that must have been quite a good earner because the doorman, even in those days, it wasn't a tenor to get into a nightclub in, so a fiver. Andy: Fiver. Fiverr or eight pounds. I remember we did one at the limelight, which was I think eight pounds to go in. Mark: So you did earn quite a bit of money doing that. Andy: We did we did whiskey a go go. we did nights at I did one with my friend Dutch at God I can't remember the name of the place. Now it's a very famous little club. Mark: So you used to literally advertise these things in the evening standard or something. Andy: time out mostly. And we'd have homeless people giving out flyers. Mark: Why would that induce people to go to a night being approached by a homeless person? Andy: Because they would sign the back of the flyer and every flyer that that got handed in with their name on it, they got a pound. Mark: Now I can understand the poor homeless person. I can't understand the people accepting a flyer from a homeless person would be indu... Andy: Hey mate, mate, and have you got a fag and some spare chains? Mark: is that how you did it? That was very fair of you. So you used to literally Andy: Not saying we actually paid I'm saying that was the deal. No, we did. But he used to make more money than me sometimes. I mean there was a couple of scammers. There was one guy used to we used to like 'cause I mean we'd have a queue outside the club and this guy would go handing flyers out in the queue. They were already coming in and he was trying to scam the the pounder of all the ones going in already. But I admire that sense of entrepreneurship. Mark: So that's right, yes in fact, so you could describe yourself as a club promoter. But you never developed it because you didn't start doing raves or something, did you? Andy: No, no, Raves was not my scene. I was very much r driven by the music I liked. It wasn't I wasn't driven by finance. It wasn't it was what I was doing, but it wasn't what I did, if you know what I mean. I didn't have any aspirations to be like Peter Stringfellow type. Mark: Well that's a shame because he died quite wealthy didn't he Peter Stringfiller? Andy: Yeah, but he's dead still. Mark: Yeah, but was quite old. He wasn't our age. Andy: He did one of the he did one of the best advertising marketing campaigns ever. It was genius. Mark: We just had topless girls standing outside the club. You can't get much more genius than that. Andy: No, no, this was long before the cabaret of angels. And it made the front page of every newspaper. Mark: You've talked about it before, but I can't remember what he did. Andy: Yeah, he simply put a sign outside the club saying, No fat chicks. Mark: How offensive. That actually got positive publicity, did he? Andy: It got him front page news and television news. You couldn't buy better publicity. Mark: and he actually went on national TV defending such a thing. Andy: No, you didn't need to. You didn't need to. Mark: But was he an absolute dick? Andy: He was actually quite a nice bloke. He was actually quite a nice bloke. He didn't exploit women, he exploited everyone. Mark: but used to exploit women. mean, you know... No, no, no, that was a question. I'm not saying... Andy: No, he didn't exploit women. I mean he gave women opportunities. You know, the girls who used to work at the Cabaret of Angels, they fucking loved working there. And you should have Mark: Hang on a second, I'm getting confused here. The Cabaret of Angels, isn't that where I went? St Martin's Lane or whatever it was, just off St Martin's Lane. Andy: Yes Yes Yes Yes Mark: The first lap dancing club in London. Andy: Yes, said Mark: So it wasn't his thing in Soho, this windmill thing, because I never went there. Andy: No, no, that no, that was that was Paul Raymond's club, the wimp. Mark: I'm getting confused. You're right. No, but hang on a second. When you say Stringfellow was a decent... He was going out with a 16 year old. Andy: He married her. She actually inherited everything. Mark: So you're... you're measure of a decent... he was in his 50s and he married a 16 year old? Andy: But that was a contract that she entered into freely and she did very well out of it. Mark: She was a child! Andy: She's a very rich woman now. Mark: So is she our age or she's younger than us? Andy: She's younger, yeah. Mark: is that still going that string fellows? Andy: Look, whether you agree with it or not whether you agree with it or not, her motives and his motives may well have been very different, but they both got what they wanted. Mark: Yeah, I mean certainly I never felt, I mean I only went there twice. I always thought that the girls who were there were certainly there out of choice. There wasn't someone forcing them to do this because I think they used to earn decent money. Andy: God no, they they're they y made great money. In fact, Peter Stringfellow was not an idiot. When he set that thing up, he didn't pay those girls. They paid him to work there. They used to buy their shifts. They used Mark: That's right, I remember you telling me that. Yeah, yeah. Andy: to buy their shifts because no matter how much they paid, and I'm I can't remember how much it was, I did know, and I don't want to say a number, but it wasn't cheap. But they they could come out, I mean I remember there was one girl, an Australian girl, I won't name her. she told me that she was making about three grand a week. And that's all tax free money, you know? That's like that's a million pounds a year, almost. That's No, well you know. Mark: What do you mean it's all tax free? And 50,000? Well of course it's Andy: It's a hundred okay, it's a hundred and fi, it's tax free. It's a hundred and fifty K, but it's tax free. Mark: not tax free if you choose to avoid paying the tax it's tax free but you should pay his income. Andy: It's tax-free, these girls are all signing on as well. They're not they're not ch chwil. Mark: Signing on. You've just ruined it. I thought they were just you know students trying to make an extra buck and now you're telling me they're not only tax dodgers but they're fraudsters as well. For God's sake. Andy: Okay, they weren't all signing on. Some of them were funding some of them were funding law degrees and medicine degrees probably. Doctors and engineers. But either way, they were they were unemployed. And they were not paying there was not one of them who was sitting there going, I'll be out in a minute to take my knickers off for you. I'm just doing my tax return. Fucking hell. Mark: We employed a girl who'd worked at Browns. Andy: Brown's wasn't a strip club though, it was Brown's was just a higher class nightclub. Mark: No, Brown. No, no, no, not that Brown. So I'm talking about Brown's next to Liverpool Street, Tuesday, Liverpool Street station next, well, just that was def. Andy: okay. bro we used to call that brown eyes. Mark: Anyway, we actually employed a girl who used to work there and in the interview she said, I used to be a, well I don't know whether she actually called herself a stripper, I used Andy: A dancer. Mark: to be a dancer at Browns. And I think she got, I think we gave her a job, she got a very good degree. That was Andy: And you go Yes, that's where I knew you from. I thought I recognised that brown eye. Mark: a terrible place. I mean it was literally, well it was only 500 meters away from Broadgate Andy: Yeah. Mark: in the wrong direction admittedly, but it was still only 500. Andy: Yeah, but I mean 500 metres is a world in the city of London. Anyway, Mark: Yeah, you're right. Andy: we spake we have spake and shite for over one of our English-Swedish hours. Mark: Yeah. Andy: And as much as it's been enjoyable, we've got to save some of this nonsense for next time. So we're gonna call that it for today. Mark: Yeah. I hope this doesn't turn into the reminiscing of two old farts whose best trade happened 20 years ago. Andy: Well no, we I mean we don't w yeah, we c we can't just talk about glory days. But we Mark: No, exactly. Andy: we start by talking about the news, but it we get segued into experiences. Mark: other things. Andy: But I mean I think that adds to the whole join us in our living room experience because it's like Mark: Maybe. Andy: I don't know, maybe people like it, maybe they don't. They can tell us. Mark: As a matter of interest when you talk about living rooms, where have the cats been today? I haven't seen any trace of them whatsoever. Andy: I fed them ham this morning and they they get very content. Mark: What, they've been on the toilet ever since, are you saying? Well, can you do that next week as well? Andy: No, no, they're both on asleep on the bed. Or else Ronnie's trying to shag Reggie. Huh? Mark: Can you do that next week as well? Andy: No, they're sometimes it drives them insane as well. You never know. Sometimes it sometimes. Anyway, yeah. if Mark: does it ham? God. All right. Excellent. Andy: you were listening, thanks for listening. Spread the word and we'll be back same time, same place with some more shite. And hopefully we'll get some news stories in, talk about what's happening on the day today. Mark: and please note that I actually brought some news stories to the table today. Andy: Yeah, you're still not getting paid. And we'll we'll be yeah, we'll be back same time, same place next week. Have yourselves a strange week. Blah di blah di blah di blah. Bye for now. Mark: Cheerio!