speaker-0: Welcome to the Shift with Beth podcast. I'm your host, Beth Schild, and we are recording this like with video and it's so exciting. So if you are not watching on Spotify, this is where you can watch it now on Spotify. And I'm gonna be learning as I go here because I'm not used to recording. I've never recorded a solo episode ⁓ on video. So I'm gonna be referring to my laptop at times, but It's so fun to be here with you guys. If you've been following me along on Instagram, you've seen I gave myself a challenge to show up every single day in August. And I'm recording this right now on August 6th. This won't, this won't, you'll be hearing this. Probably I'll be close to being done with the challenge by the time this comes out. But I have been feeling like showing up every day online has been something that I've wanted to do for a really long time. Like but really started feeling it strongly kind of in May. And but I I didn't I couldn't do it. Like it just felt too scary for me. And I've been struggling and I've shared this before, just with creating regular content online and like just having like being able to be in that flow of energy and the way I've been doing it for a while just doesn't feel authentic to me anymore. So I just kind of haven't done anything. And Also, it's like I launched this podcast and I haven't really talked about it a ton. And I think the podcast is so amazing and I love doing it. Yet I I can feel there's this like part of me that is still afraid to be seen. And so I'm wanting to really work through that. And I've been doing a massive amount of deep inner work, inner healing connection. I'm gonna get into more of that. But so back in May, also with like because I was frustrated with myself, like, why can't I just do this? And There was this girl online who sells ⁓ who launches challenges. ⁓ I can't even remember her name right now, but I had seen that she was launching this challenge that it was gonna challenge you to show up every day and like you hold you accountable and all these things. And I remember thinking like I should pay for this and sign up and do it. And I told Randy about it and ⁓ he was like he was on his laptop like doing emails, you know, so he wasn't like totally present. But he was like, Do you really think you need that? And I was actually surprised by his response and it triggered me. So because the truth was, was like, yes, part of me did feel like I needed it. And in that moment I kind of felt judged more than supported, but it really it was my own judgment, right? And I just kind of stayed quiet because it was already very vulnerable for me to talk about my struggles with this. And so then for him to kind of have that response, I was like, judging myself. And later Randy and I talked through this and he was like totally took accountability that that probably wasn't supportive. It wasn't that he meant it like that. He just truly believed that I didn't need it. But here's the part I had to sit with. If I had truly believed that I didn't need it, his comment wouldn't have stopped me from doing it. There was a part of me that agreed with him that I shouldn't need it either. So fast forward. So I I'm continuously thinking about been able to show up online and I'm not ⁓ you know promoting anything I'm not I've I've just feeling been feeling very frustrated. Fast forward we're in Chicago like a couple weeks ago with our friends that they were just on the podcast Ben and Amy. And if you haven't listened to their episodes, they're just so amazing. But ⁓ what I love about our friendship with them is we we challenge each other and we have deep conversations. We have a lot of fun but we also Talk a lot about conscious relationships and healing and being the best versions of ourselves. And we kind of know what each other is working on, right? And so they they've been knowing that I've been struggling with this. And so as like one day, just like I call it downloads when I get like hits from my intuition. I like almost heard on like my own voice. It was like, you, it's time for you to show up. online every day in August. And I remember being like, like, but it came in so strong. You know that feeling of when you you really feel the call to do something? Well, I didn't want to share it with Randy or my friends because I didn't know if I could do it. I didn't know if I was ready to do it. And so I didn't say anything about it, but like it was coming in so strong for me all weekend. And so We get back home last week. I I do a podcast interview with Ben and we were just kind of talking about he we were talking about my fear of being seen. And ⁓ you know, I told him I've something's been coming in for me to do, and I'm terrified about it. And Ben was like, I feel like you want to tell me what it is. And I was like, Nope. I haven't even told Randy. I'm not I'm I'm not gonna tell you, you know. But after that call ⁓ so also I want to back up too. So I have been doing work with the somatic experiencing practitioner, and it's been getting really more deeply into my childhood and and where this I've been working on this visibility block. And so one day when we were dropped into the session, and if you guys haven't tried somatic experiencing, like it is magic. And when I thought about The fear of being seen and I dropped into my body. I was able to see a protector part of me that was protecting me from a very young age that thought we had to hide parts of ourselves to be loved and loved and accepted. And this stems from some religious trauma that I have, but I could see this visual of her holding a blanket over me, like over the version of me today, to hide because I was taught very young that I had to hide parts of myself in order to be worthy, to be loved, to be accepted. And she's still doing this. She's still kind of covering me and hiding me, which is so intelligent and so genius. And but this has kind of been a theme my whole life, right? Abandon who you are to be who other people want you to be so that you can be accepted. And so as I dropped into the experience. And I had to tell this part of me, this younger part, like, we don't have to do this anymore. We're safe. And it's safe to be seen. And I'm never gonna leave us. I'm never going to abandon us. And it makes so much sense why you've been playing this role so beautifully. Thank you. And she listened to me, but also she wanted a new job. So The parts of us are protectors and like we we don't get rid of our parts. We create safety for them, but they still want to feel needed and they still need a role. And so sh I asked her to become my director. I don't know if I asked her if she was like, okay, we're safe to be seen now. All right, I'm gonna I'm gonna be the director of you being seen. And then I could just see her like standing up all in black, wearing a headset, like. hair slicked back like as my director of like, hey, this is what we're doing. And she was like, We're gonna show up every day in August and you're gonna start being on video on your podcast. Solo episodes, let's go. Like I was like, ⁓ shit. And it was just this real experience. And so because I did that healing work, now I have this part of me that is in a different role. So she's the one who helped me. You know, on July 31st I actually recorded my first reel so that I could like edit it and prep it for August first. And I was ready. Okay. Still of course still scared, but but ready. So still haven't told Randy that I'm planning on doing this. Well, August first comes. And I wake up in the morning and I'm like, I don't want to do this. Because it felt so like long 31 days in August. And what am I gonna say? And You know, all the doubts started coming in and I knew myself, like when I give myself a challenge, I'm gonna do it. But at this point I was like, I need I need my man to support me. I need to tell him what's going on. So we drive to the gym and I tell him, like, I'm ready to tell you what's been coming in for me a lot. And it's really scary, but I need some support. And of course Randy is like the best, right? He listened, he validated, he He knows how much I've been working on this for myself. And so he just he just supported me in like whatever feels good to you, I'm gonna support you. we had a beautiful talk in the parking lot at the gym before we went in. And I'm like, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna need to go move my body. Move my body, like, you know, felt that confidence come up with me and that that pull to not I'm tired of staying small. I'm gonna do this. And So after that I hit post and ⁓ it didn't feel great, honestly. And that's what happens. But what I want to share about this is the whole episode today, and I feel like I'm taking forever to get to the point, is about true self love, not just like the things that you would think. And I really want to teach that today because I didn't learn what true self was. True self-love was until like 2023, about six months after I left my marriage and I was doing the work to really learn how to love myself. So, but pet backpedaling, I'm recording this on August 6th. So I'm six days into my challenge, and I cannot even tell you guys the shifts that I felt in myself. It's been so healing for me to show up for myself. That is self-love. It's not for followers. It's not for anything other than trusting that this came in for me for a reason, for my healing, letting go of any outcomes or or that this is gonna like bring me opportunities or it's not even about that. It's about trusting my intuition and following it regardless of the outcome, knowing that I'm always gonna love and accept me. ⁓ and it's it's the first few days were deeply uncomfortable. I would like wake up and think, ⁓ what Like I have to post today, or I'm kind of think about how many more days are left. But what I'm learning and what is actually working is I ask the universe, show me, show me what I'm supposed to share tomorrow or today. And if it's not coming in for me right then, I take the pressure off myself. Okay, so if I post this at six PM tonight, it's no big deal. I know, I trust myself that it's gonna come in. And it has. And it's been so beautiful and so ⁓ Brave feeling for me and connecting and it's showing me that I love myself and I trust myself. It's been very authentic and I'm very in flow. I'd also be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared, like I'm not gonna be able to stay in this energy and stay in this ⁓ flow, but these are things that I have to work on. Okay, so a couple of days ago, ⁓ on one of my days of the ch of my own challenge, ⁓ it came in for me to share about how I buy myself flowers every week. And the reaction and response was really beautiful. People really, really loved that. And ⁓ I'll share the story here too. Like as soon as I left my marriage and I mean my life looked so completely different right away because all of a sudden I didn't have my kids half the time. And I was like the one that was with them all the time. I did I was I had only started working about a year before this and worked from home. So I was the one to take them to all their appointments in school and buy them everything they needed and you know, so it's like very, very different for me to all of a sudden not have my kids and it was extremely hard. I had to really figure out who am I? Like, what do I want? What do I even like to do after abandoning myself so much? Like Really it was a it was a journey of true self-love. And I haven't done an episode on this. And it's like one of like the c like my c one of the core things that I teach and talk about is ⁓ coming back home to yourself, loving every single part of you. And what does that mean? And so during this time where I started having more time on my hands, I meditated more, I went on retreats, I went to Sedono on day trips all the time to hike and just practice the the healing work. And I was doing a lot of inner child work and it was deeply, deeply uncomfortable for me to talk lovingly to myself and practice it in that way. ⁓ I didn't want to, like I didn't want to put the focus on myself. And for so long I had told myself the story that I was going through all this pain so that I could help other people someday. I think about how much I was going to help others. And I would never actually see myself. Every time I tried to turn that attention inward, it just didn't work and it was too uncomfortable. So I'd work with different coaches during this period. And one of my coaches taught me something that really changed things for me. And it was mirror work. And I still give this to my clients when the timing is right. And the reason mirror work is so powerful, one of the very first things I work on with almost every client is their inner voice. The critical voice, the inner critic. Most people have no idea how they're talking to themselves. It's they're so unconscious to it because it's it's becomes like their own voice. It's always in your head. So if you ask someone like, Do you love yourself? They'll say yes. Because what does it mean if you say, ⁓ no, I don't love myself. ⁓ no, I treat I talk to myself badly. People don't think that that's happening. It's just happening, underlying, if that makes sense. And I thought that I was nice to myself too. I thought I love myself too. And I don't let the people in my life talk to themselves in any negative way at all anymore. I'll be like, with Randy, why you talking to my man like that? Like my my daughters. Like, don't talk to my daughter like that. Why why are you talking to my to my, you know, to anyone that I love? I just gently and kind of jokingly help them become aware of it. And I do this to to my clients too, and it's really powerful. And then that helps them stop it and reframe. So mirror work, this is what you do. You literally look at yourself in the mirror and I'm gonna do it with you right here. It's like Beth, I love you. Beth, I love you. I love you. I repeat it three times. Beth, you are enough. Beth, you are enough. Beth, you are enough. And I and whatever else you want to hear. So at at this time with the things that I was healing from, it was like, Beth, you don't have to prove yourself to anyone, or you don't have to achieve or perform to be loved. So thinking about the things that that you want to say. And when I first started doing this and really looking at myself in the mirror, I felt like honestly a dumbass. I felt like this is so weird. I didn't like it. But I was so in so much pain and ⁓ hurting so deeply. I was like, and also I'm one of those people that's like, tell me what to do, I'll do it. I'm gonna try it. And so I did. And I did that pra I did that practice a lot. I still do it a lot. ⁓ ⁓ if you've never done this, I would love to invite you to try it. It's shockingly difficult at first and very ⁓ it can be very uncomfortable. And it can also bring up emotion if you've never talked to yourself like that before. Another thing that I teach and that I do myself too, to start to practice rewiring your brain is in the morning you brush your teeth with your non-dominant hand. So I'm right-handed, brush my teeth with my left hand. This actually changes neural pathways in your brain. It's neuroscience. Really, really powerful. And as you're doing that, the same mirror work. I love you. I bet I love you. As you're brushing with the other hand. Okay. And and that feels awkward too, but that is so, so, so powerful. When I notice that I'm being harder on myself or critical or just kind of like feeling kind of down, I will practice this. And I still do it when I need it. ⁓ another thing. So Once you get past the discomfort of talking to yourself in the mirror like this, you can have like fun with it. And so I will sometimes look like I try to do this as as much as I can, but I should I want to do it more where it's like, I'll look at myself, Beth. I love you so much. And I'll point to myself. I am gonna treat you so good today because you deserve that. Universe, show me all the miracles that you're gonna bring me, bring into my life today. And I believe it with my whole heart. Like, do you guys I mean, and if you're judging this or if this is feeling like, ⁓ never gonna do this, like that's information. And I get it, because I've been you before, but this is powerful, powerful work. And doing these things will literally upgrade your frequency and your energy. Another thing too. Okay. So If this is another thing I practice and if you're going through something really hard and you're alone or you feel alone in it. ⁓ I mean, when I was in my deepest, darkest times, I I had some I had support, right? But like for the most part, I'm you're alone. You're alone with yourself. And so I practice putting my hand on my heart. You've put your hand on your heart, even try it right now if you're if you can. And just push a little bit into your heart. And I would take a breath, connecting to my heart, and I would tell myself, talking to myself, as if maybe it's my higher self talking to me, or just me, but I would say, Beth, I see you. I see how hard this is right now. I see that you think that you're never gonna heal. And I'm right here. And you make so much sense. And I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. And I'm never gonna leave you. That work was so beautiful for me. Cause I learned how to practice internal validation, to no longer need to hear things from other people, but to give it to myself. And that is really powerful. So just giving you some of those things too that are that are really beautiful self love practices. So I want to talk about like how I teach this. ⁓ I had a session with a client last week that really I saw the mirror with her, saw myself and her, a former version of myself. And saw how remembered how hard it can be for someone to speak lovingly to themselves. So we dropped into a somatic experience together and she connected with the past version of herself, one that she was still carrying some deep shame about that she didn't even realize. And this is what's so cool about somatic experiencing. You sometimes you know what you're gonna bring to the session, but a lot of times it's just we slow you down and we notice the body. We notice what's coming up in the body. And then as you process different a activation points in the body. You s things come up. It's har it's hard to describe, but it's just so so powerful. Anyways, so she's carrying shame about this. And ⁓ so we I ask her if she can speak to this part of her, like tell a different story. ⁓ she still believed that the story the that this version of her had made a mistake, okay? And it was really hard for her to like tell a different story. Right. And so I ha I I have to teach and meet clients where they're at, but then also I offer them what like what it would look like if they could. And so I ask permission, can I talk to this version of you? Because she was having a really hard time. And we want you always want to ask those parts of you if you can have permission. And it's wild, but they they will answer. If you've never done this before, you're probably thinking, ⁓ what? But it's it's I I just want to give everyone an idea. So with her eyes closed, I my eyes are are also closed. We're dropping into this. I spoke to the younger part of her, and it looked something like this. I told her, I'm sorry that I've been judging you for years for something that was actually a completely normal response to what you went through. I'm sorry if that there's something wrong with you, or you should have done something different. And I'm also sorry that the people that you loved and admired judged you and shamed you. Can only imagine like how deeply hurt you were, or or something like that. ⁓ and then you know, you can literally ask that part what it needs. She might need a hug, she might want to go somewhere else. So we we kind of play with that, but then after that, I asked her how that part felt, and she said that it felt good, and so then I asked her and invited her into doing it. And asking her if she could actually speak aloud and give that to herself, not just coming from me. And she couldn't do it. And there's nothing wrong with that. But what it shed light on is that she is very, very uncomfortable giving herself love and compassion. And that's okay. That just shows us like where we need to weave and and go in and do our work with her. And so we we are doing that together. And it was just such a I I always love, I feel like everything is so in alignment with the work that like what I'm working on, what a client's working on, like it's all like this this intertwined energy. And I I bring I say this story, I I want to I wanted to share it because it's not all rainbows butterflies, like this this work just happens like there's resistance, there's discomfort ⁓ to doing this work. And that's okay. That's You just you just take it day by day, step by step, practice by practice, reps, you know, and then it becomes a little less uncomfortable and then a little less and then, you know, and then and then you finally get to the place where you actually can can feel it. So I gave her the invitation to do mirror work and we'll see what happens with her. And and remember I gave you the invitation for mirror work. And I would love it if you whoever's listening. If you try this, come come find me. Come tell me, tell me what it brought up for you. ⁓ so a few days ago, one of my shares was sharing that I, after my divorce, bought myself flowers every day. ⁓ because I was saying that I had a lot more time on my hands, and then I think I got sidetracked. So ⁓ anyway, that is one thing you can do that is inexpensive for the most part. It doesn't have to be every week, but like Twice a month, once a month, once a week, whatever you can do for you. Get yourself a bouquet of flowers just for you. And every time you see them, think about how much you love yourself and that you are deserving of that. Okay. Self-love isn't just the soft stuff, the mirror work, the flowers, the hand on your heart. It's also the harder, less pretty side. It's choosing you. It's saying no when something doesn't feel good to you. Even if that disappoints someone, that's not your job. It's being authentic instead of being agreeable. It's having your own back, even when, especially when no one else is watching to see if you do. It's making yourself come first. And I know that lands in a culture that calls that selfish. We're taught, especially as women, especially as mothers, that putting yourself first is selfish. That real love is self-sacrifice and always giving until there's nothing left. But that's not love, that's abandonment. That is self abandonment. And you always hear you cannot pour love from an empty cup, right? But it's actually so true. Choosing yourself first is truly the key to self love. And that's extremely difficult to do when you've been taught otherwise. So I just want to like gently say if you're abandoning yourself, you you cannot fully love yourself. Those two things cannot coexist. And most of us are abandoning ourselves constantly in ways that we don't even know because it's so automatic. So I'm talking about patterns and coping mechanisms. The unhealthy ways we've learned to get through a moment instead of actually just being with ourselves in it. So that looks like numbing out instead of feeling what's actually there, saying yes when every part of you is saying no, staying quiet to keep the peace and calling that easygoing, chill. Overworking so you don't have to sit still with what's underneath. Reaching for your version of distraction. What is it? Food, your phone, a relationship, ⁓ being needed, performing for approval instead of asking for what you actually want. Talking yourself out of your own intuition because it's inconvenient or scary, or someone might not like it. Every one of those is a form of leaving. You leave yourself in that moment. To avoid something that felt like too much. And I understand that those patterns developed for a reason. They protected you. They protected me for a long time. Like that protector part I told you about earlier, hiding was a strategy. It was to protect me and it worked for a long time. But what I want to be really clear about, because I don't want you to hear this and think, now you have to be perfect. You can never abandon yourself or you don't love yourself. That's not what I'm saying at all. It's not about never doing those things again. You're gonna numb out sometimes. You're gonna say yes when you mean no. You're gonna abandon yourself again. And that doesn't disqualify you from self-love. Okay. But self-love isn't the absence of those patterns. It's what you do the moment you notice that you're in one. You have to have the awareness that you're doing it. Catching yourself mid-yes or going, Wait, I didn't even realize I was abandoning myself when you've already done something, right? And I can use the example of like, When I do with my kids, I need those experiences to even if I feel it later, then I'm like, okay, that's not how I actually want to act. I'm not going to do that again. Having grace and compassion for me that I did it. And and that feeling, it's so I'm so quick to feel it now that I can I can recognize it, right? And then Ask myself for forgiveness for doing that and then and then not do it again, right? But it takes the practice. And if you really start to work on this, ⁓ the universe will bring you lots of opportunities, lots of experiences for you to actually to change the self-abandonment. So it's noticing that you've gone numb and asking what you're avoiding instead of judging yourself. It's the pause between the old pattern and the old shame spiral. about the old pattern where instead you just come back, you come back home to yourself again, the way you'd come back for someone who you come back home to yourself again, the way you'd come back for someone you loved who wandered off. That's the whole practice, not perfection. Returning back home to you. So I want to come back to the be seen challenge because it it hasn't just been like a posting on social media exercise, right? It's been an active self-love practice for me in real time because it's bringing up parts of me to the surface. I already told you about the protector part that is now my director and she's a badass. but she was the one that didn't f like feel fully safe to be herself and made hiding her job. She's been present through all of this. But she's not the only one who's shown up. There's also a part of me that's had to learn day by day that it's actually safe to be seen. It's a different part. So a few days ago, this a different part came in, and this is my 14-year-old self in a somatic experiencing session again. And I I did not expect this at all. But there she was. And when my somatic experiencing practitioner, she knows that what I'm doing, what I'm working on, and what my inner child, inner teenager needs to hear is that ⁓ we don't have to hide parts of ourselves. Or so there's a few things. We don't have to hide parts of our Self anymore. It's safe to be seen. You're worthy. So we worked on it's safe to be seen. And when we did that, I got this deep pain in my chest. Like it was wild. It just was so deep and so painful. And so with somatic experiencing, you go into it if you can have the capacity and and feel safe. And I don't know if I've explained. Okay. I'm trying to like not get too deep into this, but when you allow a sensation with intention. Your body processes this sensation through different channels. Okay. So I saw as soon as I was allowing this sensation for me, I saw images. And I saw my 14 year old self in a classroom in ninth grade. And I was not expecting this at all, but there she was. This version of me was so, so tiny for her age. She felt so insecure. She felt like she didn't belong. She looked, felt like she looked like she was 11 and not 14. And the pain that came up was her pain. I don't think I'd ever actually let myself feel it before. And that's like, this is why this wouldn't be coming up if I wasn't doing this challenge. Do you see how this is just for me? Even though it didn't make sense or I judged it, like this version of me came in and I was able to feel that with her and see her. And I feel like this part of me has been stuck in that classroom. She didn't even know like who we are today because she's been stuck there. And it was just this I'm not gonna get into the whole process, but it was really beautiful. I could really feel and validate and and then take her out of that classroom. She didn't think any boy could like her because she just looked like this little girl and she didn't feel like she belonged. She did not feel safe to be seen. She didn't think she'd be accepted if she was. This is the power of inner child work, inner teenager work, past version work. So I'm so grateful for this challenge because it gave me the chance to go get her, to bring her into the now, into this life, this body, this version of me, and show her what it actually looks like on the other side and tell her that she's safe. And as I'm doing this, I'm feeling the pain in my chest get a little lighter. And I s so th I told her that I'm never gonna leave her, that she belongs, that she always did, even back when it didn't feel like it. So that's what this past week has been like for me. These new parts of me coming up because of this challenge I gave to myself to show up for myself. So every day I post I'm not just showing up online. I'm inviting in younger parts of me to heal. It's really beautiful and not really what I was expecting, but also it's been feeling very freeing 'cause I've been working on this for a long time. So your body is part of this practice too. I think we skip over something when we talk about self-love, make it a lot about mindset, inner work, mirrors, meditations, but self-love lives in your body too. And how you actually treat it day to day. How are you like nourishing yourself? What are you feeding yourself? Are you punishing yourself for having whatever that maybe not wasn't the healthiest? Are you moving your body? Because you hate how it looks, or are you moving your body to love your body and because that's what ⁓ would feel good? So this was another beautiful practice of self love for me was ⁓ changing healing the relationship with my body. Instead of getting myself on counting my macro strictly and sticking to this really regimented fitness plan, I started asking my body what it wanted to do to move today. Which this is I'm gonna do a whole other podcast on healing your relationship with your body, but sometimes it was a hike, sometimes it was yoga, sometimes it was a walk. so different than how I used to be. I was like, I'm getting this many lifting workouts in and I'm gonna do this much, you know, and I'm gonna count my food and I used to be a fitness competitor back in the day. We'll we'll get into this in another episode. But real self love asks. Different questions to the body. Not what do I need to fix, but what does this body need from me today? Not what do I have to earn, but how can I take care of what's already carrying me through my whole life? How can I express gratitude and love for my body and say beautiful things to my body when I look in the mirror? That's the practice of self-love. Rest. We're gonna talk about rest and pleasure without earning them.

speaker-1: Thanks.

speaker-0: Because so many of us let ourselves rest or feel good after we've proven we deserve it. You work hard enough, you check your boxes, you take care of everyone else first, then maybe you can rest. And that's not self-love. So it's listening to your body when it needs rest and loving on your body and giving it the rest that it needs. ⁓ a few episodes back, I have a deep somatic rest meditation. It's literally like 10 minutes. It's one of the most beautiful. Loving things you can do for your body. It relaxes you, relaxes the bracing that we all carry in the body. So if you haven't tried that, go back and do it. It's a really beautiful way to show yourself love and show your body love. I think the hardest time for me to show myself love is when I'm not at my best. This has been a deep practice for me, and that Randy's the same way, and we we help each other with this, but it's like. If I'm not if I'm struggling, if I'm not performing well, if I'm not getting all my things done, I I don't, I feel like I don't deserve rest. I it's hard for me to be seen when I'm not at my best, too. And so it's another thing to work on with loving yourself. You get to rest because you're tired. You get to feel pleasure and ease in your life, not as a reward, but because you're a person and that's allowed, regardless of how productive today was. I had to practice resting while. My to-do lists were still there. I had to practice still giving to myself when I didn't feel like I was achieving a lot. If you only love yourself when you've earned it, that's not self-love. Real self-love is unconditional. Okay, so to wrap up, I hope that there was something in this episode today, even one thing, one tiny shift, where you realized that. you could practice self love in a different way, where you could nurture yourself more, where you could be maybe become aware that the voice in your head is actually not being very kind to you, and practice shifting that because you deserve it. And the first time I ever felt my own love was in twenty twenty three. ⁓ I was planning a retreat in Sedona The women were going to be coming the next week. And I went up there to just kind of ground myself and really think about how I could support these women. And I I'm hiking and I did a little bit of breath work. If this was Cathedral Rock where, you know, Randy and I got engaged there with this just a special magical vortex, beautiful place that I would go to a lot in my single days. And just l noticing, like remembering now that's the same spot we got engaged. ⁓ And as I was doing this and really trying to be what these women needed me to be, all of a sudden I felt this intense gratitude and love and appreciation for myself like washed over my body. And it was like me feeling my love for the first time. And I was like, ⁓ my gosh, this feels amazing. This is what my love feels like. And it just it was this beautiful, powerful. energy around me and it felt so incredible. It felt like just intoxicating and like, ⁓ my gosh, I've never felt this before. And it was because I'd done so much work to get to that place to feel it. And it felt really good. And I thought, okay, I'm on to something here. ⁓ and so I want everyone to have that and It really comes with these practices that I'm talking to you about to learn how to do it. So Hopefully you felt my heart in this today. This is this one is really, really close to my heart. And I just want everyone to really practice more self-love, to love every part of themselves because you deserve it, to treat yourself well, to take care of yourself, to talk to yourself kindly, to nourish yourself. Really, really work on this relationship with yourself because it's truly the most important one. Thank you for being here with me. ⁓ this podcast is an act of self-of self-love for me too. And and it genuinely means so much to me that you would take time to hit play. ⁓ if you haven't already subscribe to the podcast, leave a review if that feels good to you. And thank you for being here with me as I practice being seen, putting myself out there, being vulnerable, and I hope it gives you the courage to do the same. All right, you guys. I'll see you in the next episode.