Brianne: Hello, Rig Babe, and welcome back to another episode on the Go Regulate Yourself podcast. My name is Brianne. I am your host, and today we are here to have a conversation on integrity. This session is inspired by the fact that I was sitting here ready to record a guest interview that I have actually had to reschedule multiple times as per the guest request, and I was no-showed on this call. Now I was Kind of anticipating and expecting that this was going to happen because typically when I have somebody who requests to have the date moved more than once, I generally have a conversation about this probably not being the best time or in alignment given that this has had to be moved more than once. But With this guest in particular, I was really excited for our conversation and looking forward to what we were about to talk about. It was something that I haven't covered yet on the podcast, and I felt like it was gonna be a really juicy episode to bring to you the guests. So I let this slide, and I didn't move this interview or request that this interview no longer take place. I accepted the reschedule and in fact reached out for this final reschedule. So when I sat there and the first few minutes clicked by and I shot an email off and I didn't get a response back, I knew that this episode wasn't gonna be taking place. And I also knew that this fell back onto my shoulders a little bit in relation to continuing to accept this to my calendar when I knew better and I should have just canceled the call. But this inspired a little bit of a broader episode topic because I want to chat with you in relation to integrity. I'd be lying if I said this was the first time that something like this happened because honestly it's not. There have been a handful of guests over the last year that have, for lack of a better word, wasted my time. Now it's one thing for us to reschedule an appointment if something comes up, an emergency happens, very last minute. For instance, we wake up on the day of, we have a sore throat, we can't continue with the call, maybe we have a family emergency, maybe we have an appointment book somewhere we have to go and we're having vehicle problems. There's a lot of valid reasons and excuses for why an appointment or something cannot be carried out as originally planned. I totally get it. And every once in a while, I also fall into that bracket where I have something that Just can't work out as originally scheduled. Totally understandable. I get it. And I have no problem rescheduling things like that when that happens for other people. But what we're talking about here today is not the one-offs, it's the continual excuses of why we cannot commit to the things that we said we were going to do. It's when these things are not happening once, but happening multiple times that this becomes a pattern and therefore a problem. now, speaking towards the guests that have been doing this over the last year, this has been a repetitive problem where something has been scheduled in a calendar and It's had to be moved more than once. Now, if these one offs happen, not a big deal. We can reschedule, not a problem. But we have to think logistically about what you're actually asking me to do here when an episode cannot go on as originally planned to be recorded. I spend my time preparing for a session. Not only does this mean booking a slot online on my calendar, but this means actually going through in depth to the guest's bio. Their background, their story, investigating all of their social media links, really trying to learn as much as I can about this guest and the topic that we're bringing to the podcast. That's valuable research time out of my own life. Now, in addition to that, I am also sending a lengthy email to the guests ahead of time, preparing them for the session, letting them know what to expect, when the links are going to come through, providing them with a podcast agreement or contract. We're discussing the questions that are going to be asked ahead of time. I'm preparing to hop onto this call, ready to roll into a conversation that could go a multitude of different ways. Not to mention the setup of my space. I now have blocked that time on my calendar. Other guests can't book in. I'm setting up my space, getting my microphone, my camera, everything ready to record. I'm getting myself ready because believe it or not, I don't do my hair and makeup every single day. I do it specifically for hopping on the podcast and creating a vibe of what I wish to communicate through here with my words and my presence. So there is a lot of valuable time that is being taken up every time that I have a guest here on my schedule. And when somebody reschedules or requests to reschedule multiple times, that means that that time that I've spent preparing, getting ready, setting everything up, it's wasted. And I don't really enjoy having my time wasted. I'm pretty sure most people don't, but especially as a Scorpio, not my favorite thing. It really frustrates me, especially thinking about the other guests that I could have scheduled into these time slots and people who might have been more excited or prioritized this opportunity a little bit better. So thinking about this from the broader perspective, I want to talk about integrity. Because it's one thing for us to think about this as just a 45-minute or a 60-minute appointment that we're missing, we're blowing off, whatever it might be. But I want to talk about what this actually stems into. Because for me, from my perspective, if I can't trust somebody with a calendar appointment, if I can't trust somebody with a smidgen of time, how does that translate into the world around them? Can we trust them with four-figure, five-figure contracts? Can we trust them that they are going to be reliable, that they are going to be accountable, that they are going to be responsible for the things that they are delivering in this world? I don't know. Personally, I feel that I can't trust that person. It does leave a sour taste in my mouth, and it does change my perception of their reputation, of their image, of their words. And that is something that I think each of us really needs to think about. How are these small commitments really rolling over into our lives and everything that we do? This isn't just about business or career, but it definitely applies to that area in a significant way. If you think about it, as the quote goes, how we do one thing is how we do everything in our lives. So if we are Showing up, frazzled, chaotic, or maybe we're not showing up at all. Maybe we're not sticking to the things that we said we were gonna do. We're not committing to our word. When we do those things, when we are all over the place, when we're unreliable, it doesn't matter how small those things are, if it continues to happen, that's a pattern, that's a habit that we have. And that means that that is gonna roll over and be how we do everything in our lives. Now I'm gonna guess if you pick a particular area in your mind right now of a goal that you have, I want you to think about how dedicated you are to the small things within it. And I'll use an easy example for myself that is outside of business right now, is in the area of working out and getting healthy. I've shared on a few episodes now that I'm in the process of getting my sparkle back, getting back in the gym, working out, doing a lot of things to help myself feel better, to feel fit again, feel healthy again, lose weight that I have put on from the last year and beyond. For a long time, I was super lazy. I wasn't working out, I wasn't drinking my water, my meals were all over the place, not the healthiest, I was snacking way too much. Sitting at my desk and not getting my steps in, there was a lot of micro moments, micro commitments that I was not paying attention to that ultimately resulted in the consequence of the state of my health, the state of my body, and where I ended up. And it was impossible for me to start seeing changes. For me to start seeing that scale move, my clothes start fitting different, you start feeling different in terms of my energy, et cetera. Impossible for me to see results in those areas until I started paying attention to the micro moments. Right? We've said this before on the podcast. You don't get to the top of a mountain with one big step, you get there with a million little steps. So paying attention to these micro moments is so important. So when you start to think about your integrity. Within your goals. We're not just talking about lying and stealing and cheating, right? Those are pretty basic foundations to good integrity. But we're talking about the concept of actually being reliable, actually sticking to our word, to doing the things that we said we were going to do. When you start to analyze this from that perspective, how reliable are you? How committed are you? How much integrity do you actually have? Are you consciously breaking commitments to yourself, breaking your words, your promises to yourself and or to others? And if so, why is that happening, right? There's always something further in that we can start to unpack from this experience. So why is that? Generally speaking, I think for most people, things just aren't a priority when we say that they are. We think that something is a priority, we say it's a priority, we say we want to achieve something, we want to do something, but how often are we actually committed to the steps that it takes to get there? It took me months of saying that I was committed to getting healthy this year and losing weight and feeling good in my body again before I was actually in a routine of doing so. It's only been within the last month that I have actually stuck to. Some of the things that I said I was going to do. I have actually stuck to getting my steps in, drinking water, paying attention to my meals, really focusing on sleep. I was saying for months that I was doing this, that it was a priority, that I was gonna do it. Didn't happen. I didn't have integrity in my goal. I was breaking promises to myself. I wasn't doing the things that I said I was wanting to do. Quite honestly. It wasn't a priority. I just did not feel like it was a priority. There were other things that were coming first. And so maybe for you it is the area of health, or maybe it is the area of business and career. You're saying it's a priority, you're saying you want to make money, you want to bring your voice out there into the world, start expressing yourself in a different way, put yourself out there on social media, get into your cringe stage. Maybe you've been saying that you want to host a retreat or a workshop. You want to make an offering, a course, or a program available. You want to write a book. Maybe you do want to get on podcasts and be interviewed by other people. Maybe it's completely outside of business and you want to change up your wardrobe. You want to start using healthier products for your skin and your hair. You want to get your hormones balanced. Maybe it's in relation to your friendships. Maybe you have friend groups that You keep telling yourself it's a priority that you're working hard in your friendships, you're putting effort in on your side of the tracks. But maybe you're not actually doing those things. Maybe you're not actually taking steps towards that goal because it's just not a priority at this time or season of life. And hey, you guys, if that's that's the season, right? We go through certain seasons where things just might not be a priority, and that's okay. That's totally okay. Don't beat yourself up over that. But you have to acknowledge that that might not be the most appropriate season for it. And if so, you have to also acknowledge that it's not a priority, that you're not working towards it, that you're not taking the required steps and actions towards that thing. Which means you also have to be comfortable with the fact that results are not going to happen. We do not get the results that we desire without taking the steps that we need to in that particular area. This is part of self-commitment, self-integrity. This is part of promises to yourself and/or to other people. Results do not come without that. And we have to understand that the word that we hold, the things that we say, no matter how small, how micro, how minuscule it might feel or be. That ripples out into the world around us. It changes how people perceive us. It changes how our voice is accepted by the world. If I'm constantly telling you something but doing the opposite of it, if I'm constantly telling you that I'm going to do something but I'm not, it's like the boy who cried wolf. Eventually people stop believing it, people stop listening, people stop caring. And that's the point that I've gotten to with a few people who have rescheduled the podcast interviews over and over. I care about your story. I think that your voice would be so impactful and so important, but I can no longer trust you to show up for me to get this out into the world, into my space. And then therefore it's impacting me as a creator. I'm flustered, I'm not showing up in my best energy space, or sometimes episodes are missed. Because the recording dates didn't happen as scheduled, or I have to shuffle my other dates around and change it for other people when I said their episode was going to drop because you didn't show up for yours. It's frustrating and it changes how I see you and it changes the opportunities that I'm going to make available to you because of that. And we have to recognize and take responsibility for the fact that our energy, how we show up, our presence. Our commitment, it really does impact everything that we do. How we do one thing is how we do everything. And if you're not getting the results or the goals that you desire, then that funnel's got to come back somewhere. You gotta work yourself backwards and see where that problem is. What's preventing you from getting those results, from having this impact, from having this ripple effect? What is the clog in the wheel? Chances are it's probably you. And that's a shitty thing to have to acknowledge, but it's important for each of us to look at. I am guilty as charged in this conversation, too, right? There have been lots of things, as I've shared with health, et cetera, that I've said are a priority just when they're not. And I'm really working on being conscious of my voice now moving forward. I'm really working on paying attention to the reason behind why. I'm not able to do what I said I was going to do. I get really, really clear on the reason behind that. Maybe you have a problem with saying no. You want to be easy. You don't want to complicate things. You don't want to seem ungrateful. You want to people please. And so therefore you're saying yes to everything. Right? You're not saying no. You don't actually want to do something. You know it's not an appropriate season. You know you don't have the time. You know you're gonna burn yourself out. You know that you're tired, you're exhausted, you have other things going on. But you say yes anyways. The take it on anyways. Why is that? You have a problem with saying no, you're in a yes trap. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. That's something else to pay attention to. Start getting crystal clear on the reason behind why you're unable to commit to the things that you said you were going to commit to. Why you're unable to keep your promises. Why you keep falling into this trap. What is the reason? There's a reason. Figure it out. Start to analyze this. Pull back the layers. Self-awareness and reflection is such a powerful tool in us being able to move the needle forward, in us being able to get the results that we desire, in us being able to create these amazing, fucking magnificent lives. It's all part of it. But you have to be willing to acknowledge where your faults are, where the flaws are, what the reasons are. You have to acknowledge that, and you have to get really good at doing something about that. Changing how you're showing up, changing what you say yes to, changing what you prioritize, moving your ever-loving ass and getting it in gear. The only person that's going to be able to create integrity for yourself in your life, in your business, is you. And so if the integrity is not currently there, the problem reflects back to you. Now, another big thing I feel that we need to bring into this conversation is in relation to the psychological impacts that having low integrity can actually put on yourself as a consequence. Because we're talking about the impact of other people. I talked about from the perspective of somebody canceling on me. The frustration, the anger, the annoyance that I felt, the things that have been wasted as far as my time goes in relation to the preparation work that I've done, getting ready, etc. We've talked about the impact on me, but let's now talk about a little bit the impact of what having no integrity or having low integrity can actually have on you as a result. Because I don't think we talk often enough about the weight that we can carry. When we're considering the problems that we caused, when we're considering how we could have shown up better, how we could have done something differently. There's a lot of guilt and shame that can come along with this being on that other side. When you are somebody who's dropped the ball, when you are somebody who has let a promise or a commitment falter, when you are somebody that's left somebody hanging. When you're on this side of the spectrum, there can be a lot of guilt and shame that you hold on to in relation to this. And it's important to acknowledge because this can further deteriorate your life, yourself, the results that you're getting, your business impact, so many things. And so you need to be able to acknowledge too the stress that not being a person of integrity can have on you. You have to acknowledge that it's not just easy peasy for yourself either. When you're letting that many people down, or at least it feels like you're letting that many people down, that can create significant impact and psychological effects, emotional, mental, even physical. That you have to carry around as a result of your poor planning, your poor organization, your poor prioritization, there's an impact there as well that we also do need to acknowledge. And I truly believe if the majority of us in this world just stopped saying yes to so many things, we just started paying attention to our actual priorities. And making decisions and choices fully in alignment with those priorities, the world would heal in a significant way because time wouldn't be wasted, true opportunities would be grabbed up and sought after, they would be utilized. Everybody would be operating at the highest level of efficiency, at the highest level of integrity. We would be working in such a cohesive and effective way that people would be getting the results that they desire. That is what I truly feel can happen by us starting to do things differently and pay attention to how our word is actually being transmuted into action. The things that we are doing with our word. I truly believe they can heal both sides of the fence. And it's something important to just maybe pay attention to and acknowledge that this isn't just about the other person on the other end of the line. This is also about you and the impact that having no integrity can have upon your life. It's not just about reputation, image, and business. It's also about the impacts on your own personal body, nervous system, heart, soul, and mind, which is a really important thing to also pay attention to. Now, I hope that this conversation today helped you think about things from a little bit of a different perspective in terms of integrity and your promises and your word. And I hope that it'll inspire you to show up a little bit differently in your life and your business moving forward. It's a really important thing for us to acknowledge. It's a really important thing for us to pay attention to with the actions that we're taking. And I promise you, if you get really good at integrity and promises and commitments, you're going to excel beyond your wildest imagination. Beautiful things are going to start happening for you in your life and continue to happen for you in your life when you are sticking to the things that you said you were going to stick to. When you were only Prioritizing the things that are actually a priority. Take on what you must, leave what you don't want, and continue making choices that are the best for you in your life moving forward, and as a result, will be the best for everybody else around you. I am sending you so much love and I will catch you in the next episode. Remember to go regulate yourself.