Sina: Hello and welcome to Not Your Type Woman. Nice that you... Oh sorry, it's such a crap, sorry. I have start Alina: you Sina: Hello, we're back. Nice that you turned No, say it like No, sorry, I'm just out. Hello! Wir sind zurück. Na, wie geht's Alina? Wieder mit meiner besten Co-Host-Partnerin. Alina: Hello! Oh, I my place now, yes. Yes, I'd to. Oh, I'm always Yes, it's exhausting. I'm actually just from Berlin. So I was actually, yes, I yesterday and got down So that's about 300 kilometers for me then. And I wasn't alone in car either. I had more in-sits. That always makes it bit ... Sina: Sowieso. Alina: I can't call or talk to At least not for me I'm more like a regular patient. But it's always a nice ride. I've noticed that I don't you yet, but I'm currently manual therapy. A doctor prescribed because I'm actually on my... Sina: ⁓ Alina: I actually had a fall and wanted to have my back and wanted have or to if it really that bad. And then they a coincidence that I old woman with bandage on lower back. And they me to manual therapy again and the guy who's this with me right now is cramping me on the left. Sina: Really? ⁓ crazy. Alina: And notice that now, when I such stressful days, I'm apparently a jaw-chewing And he even re-adjusted my jaw. So, my whole body, it was really painful. So, when I my hip, I thought, God, that was so bad, it radiated so in all directions. And also my jaw, it radiated in my ears and everything. But I notice now that something has changed, because when I stress and then... Sina: Alter. Mmm. Alina: Yeah. ⁓ Sina: That really awesome. I that sounds really good. I think you're lucky that you such a good grade. I've to a few physiotherapists and some of are really good and others are like, hmmm, so-so-la-la. And yours sounds really good. Is that osteopathy? Alina: Mm. Mm, s. He is physiotherapist and it is also a physiotherapy practice. Is that physiotherapy practice? Yes. And he a friend of mine. But I no idea about manual therapy. So... If I explain it, it's probably wrong. But it feels like certain points in body are through certain muscles and then just re-arranged. So will just be... Sina: Okay. ⁓ okay. Mm. Ich auch nicht, was ist denn das genau? Alina: the muscles lot and then I've adjusted it so that my jaw can up further. And sometimes it so weird when I lie there. I mean, not a dentist. I'm in a therapy practice and then he my mouth around. But hey, I'm totally excited. He does it really well. He of my migraine with So he to at my eye nerves and stuff. So that's definitely a crazy training. So if you that on you, get of here. Definitely. Sina: In Spain is a study actually. Physiotherapist. Alina: Hm, I think a school education here. So it's not a classic dual education, but I think you've for many years. I'll him. But you notice, I notice that it's something that's important to me. And you have to say that it something with my scoliosis. I have a birth scoliosis and a crooked spine. Sina: Yeah, that's super high-pitched. I didn't that. I heard for first time. Alina: I didn't it either, I knew it, but somehow my mother didn't it either. And I thought, I always tell that my mother me to swim of I was totally clear But I don't know. So I just... Sina: That's just... Wie und jetzt hat die sich nicht mehr dran geinnert? Alina: Yes, but she she didn't what a scoliosis was when I told her. Maybe I'm things. Maybe the orthopedist just said, yes, scoliosis, but swimming is good. I put in my head, okay, my mom says I have to swimming because I scoliosis. I don't It's definitely good that I went It could much worse. Sina: crazy. You Yeah, for sure. I actually go swimming once a week. I love it. And I that it me so much strength in my back and everywhere. And now, especially where I Mara around all the time, I also that it helps That I just have more stability it or something. And even during pregnancy I didn't any back pain. So really in swimming. Alina: Hmm. Mm. Sina: I really in ninth month and yesterday was a bit more But I swam than many others with a huge belly. Alina: That's the flow of Sina: Yes, right. And you have a super good position with your belly. Because it brings you up, you So that you straight. Yes, I was always little bit proud. Oh really? Alina: Yeah. Yes, there is actually such a picture of me. There is also such a picture of me where I in Berlin in such lake, lying on my back and just looking of this belly. It looks totally funny. I thought it was so crazy when you of the water because you heavy like a ton. You know, this feeling. Because it was so nice and light in water. Sina: Oh, how beautiful. ⁓ yes, that's right. Yes, that's already without... Yes, that's already without pregnancy. tough feeling when you out But yes. Totally. You poor thing. But yeah, it really cool, your manual therapy, and you're me to something, not because I some problems, but because I like how you tell that someone pushes and re-arranges It sounds really cool. Alina: Yeah. You've always a Thai massage fan, they're so brutal. And think that's definitely nothing for weak nerves, such a manual therapy. That's pretty intense. So then... Yeah, do that. Sina: love it. ⁓ yes, really good. Very good. Okay, so I brought some stories with me again. Let's get Are you ready? Alina: Yehoo. Ja, ja, ja, auf jeden Fall. Benäugig. Sina: Okay then, let's go! Okay. How do I that out of head? I am 32, I be 33 year. At 30 I was engaged and wanted a family. We wanted to a baby. But then my ex with me. The last two years I permanently. When will I children? I will never a partner. Will I a real old mom? What if I can't get pregnant when I'm that old? Always these negative thoughts that will never happen The fear of never a partner or child eats me every day. I'm so unhappy and I just can't turn it My head is running all time. ⁓ shit. No scream. Wait. Alina: That's not bad, you can again. Sina: you Hello. Alina: Yeah. Sina: Back to a good point, because then I just start Alina: Yeah. Correct. So, now you me, Sina: Yeah. How do I that out of my head? I am 32, Werde this year 33. At 30 I was engaged and wanted a family. We wanted to a baby, but then my ex with me. The last two years I permanently. When will I finally children? Ich werde nie einen Partner finden. Werde ich eine richtig alte Mama sein? Was, wenn ich nicht mehr schwanger werden kann, wenn ich so weit bin? Ständig diese negativen Gedanken, dass es für mich einfach nie passieren wird. Die Angst, nie einen Partner oder Kinder zu haben, frisst mich jeden Tag auf. Ich bin so unglücklich. and I simply can't switch off. My head is running all the time and I have the feeling that it's me. Please tell me someone how I switch off and simply my life. I would for every advice. Alina: Hmm. Sina: Hmm. Alina: Oh yeah, I'm so sorry if this is so painful Sina: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Alina: That's a story you don't very often. Sina: It's a story that in my private life, that women in their 30s often think about. I think everyone has least one or two girlfriends in their circle of where that's a topic. and I can relate to that. I totally her, that she's thinking about That doesn't mean that I think she has to I don't think But I that these thoughts are Especially, happens at the age that everyone marries and everyone around you. And you feel even isolated or just bad with the whole situation. Alina: I think I can really feel because I don't I would feel any different. I don't how I would develop myself, but this feeling... You draw an image, and think that's a lot of life. I think we've a couple of times. And in the moment when when the whole thing deviates from what you... Sina: Mm-hmm. Alina: of what you wish for. Depending on how the family picture should it's always very classic. And then it away. then this... Well, that's one thing, it fades away. But then the ticking clock in your really hard. And I think it's a time when many people are to from it. I read a lot about it. Sina: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Alina: this point that we want from this temporal aspect. Sina: Yes, totally. So, here in the story it's 33, so if I 33 now, I think, okay, she still I'd seven years to get but of the of the 30s can get a little more But basically it's pretty critical But I also have friends in the circle of they are... Alina: Hmm. Sina: 37, 38 and they've been for a long time or maybe a friend three four left It's a crazy topic and actually even... For a friend who 40 years would say it's a bit grief issue. That you can from the thought that you won't any family, no family, but no children of or the probability is just relatively low. What is of course there and I think if I were in the situation now that I am now 33 34 I wish me children and I just don't a partner I would actually my egg cells freeze. That is definitely an option that is becoming more known. I think that can give you peace of So you know, I can try in few years in vitro and have this backup variant. Or a variant that... I also have another friend in the circle She is only 32 and she has... about year ago, her 11-year-old relationship. She also said to I'm actually scared shitless. She really family and kids, and then she suddenly felt so old and everyone around her gets kids, like me for She then did lot of work on her own, she went a lot of trips, which I was great. And then she back and said she wanted children. That's her biggest dream. And if it happen until she's 35, she it by donation. By seed donation. And then she will raise the mother Alina: ⁓ yeah, cool. Sina: What does it self-taught? She wouldn't Because first time she had a very, very family. They are really totally family people. She is also Spanish and that's again... So her family is incredible. Yes, loving, but they do everything together. They are so closely connected. And then she definitely her family there as support system. who the child with her. And of course her friends. I would help her. But, listen, what happened now? It's not that far, because she a great partner six months Now you know how it's to but I think she's very nice. She's very happy. And I to see how it develops I wish them all the best. But I think what she did right is just working herself, a lot, lot journals, she's therapy, she's lot of traveling. And then at some point made peace with And then, as I okay, it doesn't happen, she'll this... this, this seed donation. And I think then it was just calmer again. And then, of you a completely different kind radiation. And, yes, you're on completely differently in life. And so you may learn to a potential partner more than if you for example, completely you're like the author here, and maybe she all time, it won't happen or whatever, she'll probably also that a little bit. And maybe that's why, maybe she has with the search for because she has such extreme topics where she actually has to work Or what could happen is if you are for where you say, okay, I need a partner, I need to find because I need in the next three years. Then can also happen that you the wrong partner. That you just someone, so that this dream comes true for you. without having to good choice or someone who your top. But we have a lot thoughts Alina: Yes, think so, because I have several thoughts. So, the the egg cells, that's what many people already the beginning of I've that more more now. I think first my colleague told that she is from the Netherlands, it to more common than in our environment, because here I actually know nobody personally who has ever done But overall think it's good, but in Germany? Sina: Mm-hmm. I know many. In Spain it's the most... No, Germany, but Spain it's the most cheap So guys, if you want come to Spain. I recommend it it's cheap. I didn't but I would done But I've checked out the prices. Alina: eben. Well, okay, good. Just short commercial break. But, exactly, so that's why I think it's definitely a very, very cool topic and I I also consider simply to exactly that, namely that you this out of your head. That's, I think, the one point. And if I'm still of the opinion... Sina: I wanted to add something to the... ...to the... ...to the... ...IZELLEN donations. I think it's so brilliant. I would to my daughter, for I like to... Sorry, I start Sorry, that wasn't good. I it weird way. You talked about the egg cells, blah blah blah. Cut. I actually it's so brilliant that they the egg cells, that I would be super happy if it would more and more and that it wouldn't be such a... crazy topic, but the standard. Because women so much freer. That would be something I to daughter on the 18th. Or 18th a bit early. Or on 25th after the studies. would say, come we'll your egg cells. Then you whole topic a bit back. Or you never to think about whether you children with 27 or children with 36. Alina: Hmm. Sina: That's a great idea. Alina: Yes, as I think... I to my colleague back she just 30 and struggled bit and said, I'm not ready yet and I know I won't ready because of and no partner in sight and so on. And that's she it, least started it, she got with it and so on. I if she did it, but I the first time, okay, cool. Sina: Hmm. Alina: that someone goes in this direction. Because that was the first thing I talked As I I don't it from the surroundings yet. But it in Berlin or something, than here. That's one And getting it out of your head is important, because I think we all have wishes and deep wishes that we in our lives. Sina: Mm-hmm. Alina: It's when we're to such a time. Because I think, you're already topic partner selection and so on, that's also going to increasing age, it's just not as easy as with 25, yes, it's different. Because there are many in partnerships, so that's just normal. And there ... I also that many women are up in a single life because we all have a certain standard of We all done with studying and so on. setting up a partner is a topic And finding the right one, with whom I a family, with whom I whole life, is a completely different game. Because... Sina: Hmm. Alina: I think even if you found and you're with him, this test of begins again. If you're lucky, already know your for six seven years. But if you a partner and you still for six or seven years, then you're at the point where you say, okay, ready for children, I would much earlier. Sina: Yeah. Alina: Aber ich weiß nicht, ob was meine Beziehung ist. Heis da? ⁓ Das ist tricky. Sina: to time. Alina: What would be our advice? Overall, this self-work is good. To on the things she has even if it's of the child. Or can you concretize what you yourself or your girlfriend? Because you have to... Sina: Yeah. Alina: Ideal irgendwie verabschieden oder ja Sina: I'm not a therapist or anything. She has to be able to of it. Otherwise it's just a... It's a of straddle. And it's clear that she has to. Alina: That's exactly your question. Sina: I would recommend you therapy. I would recommend you to write It's good to all the shit you have in your head. It's often a bed and then all these fears up. yes and then maybe also as I said to at these alternatives so you can freeze egg cells you can theoretically about a seed donation as long as you have a support system that might help when you grow You could think that you could adopt point. Or that you could take care of children. That you something like in the future. So that you somehow bring children into your life in one way another. So if it's just about the children, it's also about the family picture But the partner can every phase of We can't unlimited. That would my advice. It's always a women's The difference between men and men don't much about Of course are men who don't want to old father. But they don't that pressure. I know another story. I know lot of stories and lot of girlfriends who are really... on various topics. I also a girlfriend who has her partner for three years. She is 33 old and he is 28 or 29, He was a bit younger. He also clearly told that he couldn't imagine a child She also said, I am 33. With 43 it's going to really hard. And I when you told I already it. Alina: Yeah, okay. Sina: I'm here, everything good? Are you Alina: Jetzt wieder, du warst weg! Sina: Yeah, it kind weird. Okay, I'll again with the story. I have another story about You can that I have many friends who are with the topic. this case, she is 33 old and her boyfriend is 28-29 old. So he is a bit younger. And they are super happy and they have been for 2-3 years. But he also her that he can't imagine in the next 10 years. But he also said that he really to father, but not the next 10 years. Then she also thought, well, I'm 33, with 43 it will be really hard. Alina: Okay. Sina: And when he told about I a blind eye. But for me it also showed bit... I don't know, for me was totally empathetic. That... Well, that... As a woman you don't that much time and that he wasn't really aware of Or I think he aware of but... I don't does care about He doesn't this problem, so he doesn't really with it. So, definitely a red flag. I'd to it in their relationship. And they their egg cells freeze. But, yeah, it's just... I thought it symbol that men don't with it and then just say, oh, I'll another 10 years and I don't And with the woman you this pressure and it can get really intense, as the author writes She has the right fear. She probably too, if she in a relationship and then the situation is that the man is not ready yet. You often that Let's see, I'm not ready Alina: That definitely the relationship. It's also about the pressure. It would burden the entire relationship. Sina: of time. Yeah, total. Alina: Hello? Sina: Exactly. I'm still here. Bye! Alina: Hello. Okay, okay, good. Yes, I know, but I to continue to monologues Yes, yes, I can do Okay. So I think it's also, as you describe it generally also burden for a relationship when such a pressure builds Because yes, men are less concerned about I've already noticed in various situations where the whole topic back Sina: No, no. Start again. Alina: So after the motto, well, you'll there when you enough money, a What kind of stress that with hormones, and you well, it all, and I honestly know nothing about But I know that it the woman at end of day. So, also, that also as man, you have also recently found out again, that the sperm quality in men is not getting better. It also get worse That means, of have fewer egg cells, but the quality doesn't decrease. We have fewer, but we are still as fertile. Or the quality of the egg cell is just as high-quality as was in the early 30s. That's you have to very smart about it all works. I think some men are just too much on the light shoulders. Because it can happen that you may also notice in a years, oh, I'm somehow unworthy or I don't So the things you don't think about because you many years and think everything fine. We our protection. We've about for a long time. potential pregnancy that we don't really want, but if that far, then we'll question this topic And men should do in my opinion. Sina: Absolutely, yes. I think the difference is a bit that with women, I'll the of 40, it's usually over. They then into this premenopause, so this premenopause. And with men it can be the 40 theoretically, or can the middle of 40. So they don't that strict time window. They become of time generation. You never when that will could be already the end the Alina: But is that with 40? Are you sure that it with 40? Because, well, think that's... Sina: As a Also, nee, mit 40 40 jetzt nicht, also ich glaub man kann... You ask me things. So, beginning of 40s, 41, 42, 43, maybe 44, you get into a pre-menopause, I think. So not the right menopause, but so that you can't get pregnant anymore. Or very, very, very hard. Alina: Ja, weil ich... It's a hormonal waste that takes place. It's estrogen and I know what happens. But I actually the topic of change of with my mother on the that's because she also says, for nobody me for the menopause. And that's I thought, because now we I'm 35, should I already be about the change of year? Sina: Mm-hmm. Hmm. Alina: So to be prepared because I have it at 50, 60 and you have to say my mother... Yes, I already what you want to You the pre-menopause, so to I already understood But still, I would to know when it starts. Sina: Hahaha! No, but Alina, that's a difference. That's a difference of I'm Alina: Because, hey, no, I'm yet. But it's something we don't know. Sina: Yeah. Me, too. Totally, and I find that very exciting point. We're not in the target group change year, but for a lot of women who around 50 or 60, that's a really cool topic. And it's exactly like the topic of period, birth, pregnancy, we've had that it's more a topic that you don't necessarily learn You learn it when you're thrown Okay, I've in exchange school for and I've suddenly got so many crazy things happening me. And it had some effects and nobody me So, very exciting. I definitely look into the depths of Reddit to if I something about Definitely a very exciting topic. Okay. Alina: Hmm. Okay, but maybe back to her, because I think I definitely it my all. Finding the perfect partner is a good claim, what does the perfect partner But a partner to a family is one and the other is how I myself with the topic. Maybe also to say, what is the worst case if I don't in the next two three years with whom I start Do I myself? Or how much would it really burden if I don't children? Does it me or just society around it? And do I my family happiness dependent on a partner, where in the end I might not even know if he will stay or he always be me a bar? I don't know, but I think she would to of to take in Because there are so many great aunts out I always And if I this strong desire, then I also, as you say it with your girlfriend, empower her to say, if you a child, we support you or whatever, things that. So just to say ... It's also okay to a single mom or something that. I think that would important. Sina: Absolutely. I think the one thing you said is incredibly strong, to deal with this worst-case scenario. I would also say if I her girlfriend, would say, it down, the worst-case scenario really for you. Get yourself together with how you feel about And then... I maybe create few new life designs for myself. So if this worst-case scenario hits you, okay, I won't any children and I won't a partner for Maybe she has other... then other beautiful paths life and where one door closes, another opens. Maybe... she starts to travel or changes her career or whatever. Life doesn't there. It's one thing you to say goodbye That's why you have to mourn. Then new paths Alina: Yeah, man muss sich glaube ich die Zeit nehmen. Sina: And also only with this worst-case scenario. We don't exactly if it this far. She's 33 my god. But yes, there peace. Alina: Yeah, yeah. Sina: total. Okay. Then would say let's jump the next story. I the guy I'm dating for a date and he showed his real face. I, 20 and female, dated this guy, 24 and male, for about a month when we conversation about dating. We hadn't sex because I strange feeling about him, but I couldn't say why. So I didn't even kiss or anything else. By the way, I live in a European country where you until the twelfth week and except for the high price for driving off, really no problems because of It was a sensitive topic although I myself as rational person. In earlier relationships I about early on. to see where the guy is standing and both of my ex-friends gave me perfect answer. I have no opinion on It is woman's and I support what I... Sorry, I have to start reading Sorry, so sorry, I'm Sorry. I have a guy with whom I... Okay, and go. I have a guy with whom I dated... Sorry. Okay, and go. I have a guy with I just dated after a date... No, sorry. Sorry. That's so weird translated. Alina: ganz gut, einmal durchatmen, einmal durchatmen Sina: I the guy I dated for a date and he showed his real face. I, 20 females, dated this guy, 24 males, for about a month when we a date about a date. We didn't sex because I strange feeling about him. But I couldn't say why. So I didn't... I didn't even to kiss or anything else. By the way, I live in a European country where you until the twelfth week and, except for the high price for driving off, really no problems because of It was a sensitive topic even I myself as a rational person. In earlier relationships, I it early to see where the guy was and both of my ex-friends gave me perfect answer. I have no opinion about it is the decision of the woman and I support whatever she decides. So I this guy, I his answer. Well, somehow, because he always claims to traditional. What he really isn't, because he smokes, drinks and about sex all even though I told him that I don't Anyway, he said to I wouldn't the woman anymore if she left and our child. I would be too sad if I knew that she our love. I would leave her. I was honestly shocked. First of he in quotation marks, killed. not right term and second what he tried to get on and search I was honestly shocked first of all in quotation marks not the right term and second what the fuck he tried to get on and added like it's okay if the life of a woman is and No, I wouldn't leave but he his position with his beliefs, which felt particularly disrespectful. Until then, he his religion and suddenly it the reason behind his opinion. But what really excited me was when he said, women go to clubs sleep with everyone and then off. They kill children. That shouldn't be Most women are sluts. They treat abduction as if they were to McDonald's. That was just disgusting. I told how dangerous and hurtful such pauschalizations are, especially when you consider how many women in the USA suffer from abduction prohibitions. I find it heartbreaking that men who no idea about the reality of women's health and self-determination think that they a right with something so personal. After I was done. I told that I want from him again, because his views are hurtful and disrespectful. That was a few days and he's bombarding my cell phone every day, swearing about a second chance, telling me that I'm his dream wife, probably because he thinks I'm going new threat wife. and even he would his views for I can't with someone who is that. I'm not just of different opinion than him. It breaks my heart to see how many women, especially in places like the USA, from the ban I the articles and pray for the women in the USA. That's a very personal thing now. and I can't with a man who the right of woman to her own decisions. Yo. Alina: ⁓ my leg. So, one is off, right? You have to... One thing right? But this pauschalization, I really thought he was trying fool me. Really. Sina: Ne, aber ich fand's, also klar, es ist so ein bisschen... It's just a giant baby or a child. It's good that she the dude to the desert. I it's But I found it very impressive because she's only 20 and he's 24. And I it was very clever of her. and for older people it's very difficult to them about things. Before you date someone you should ask them what they think about abduction. And I that's a really interesting question, because as she writes it often shows the real face. Does someone say, oh god, that's a woman's Or maybe also, I've never about it, but it's okay. Or someone oh my god, that women their children because they're whining. So that's he put it. It makes a lot of and I thought it was very clever that she felt that and then she let how really thinks. Alina: Yes, that's true. That's a good aspect. So such a question that is really so disconcerting... That's you definitely a point there. Sina: You more questions. When I read I thought, oh, that's really... You could make a catalogue. I'd say you date someone and then you'd say, what do you about female What you about the Treadvives? Or could ask, I don't know, does you if women do careers or if a woman earns than you? So, these all really cool questions. Alina: Yeah. You Sina: where you can like you're So very clever for 20 years. Very good. Alina: Yeah, that's true. Yeah, it's really cool. ⁓ Yes, the men before were definitely smarter, would say. So they probably understood the topic Sina: Yes, absolutely. Totally. And it's just a very sensitive topic. The whole issue of abduction. And also apparently very emotional Yes. Abduction is, as many people don't is in Germany. is this paragraph 218 of law book, where women's have since the 70s, that it is abolished, but nothing really It is basically under penalty, but it is free of under the condition that someone until 12th week or that one... medical reasons for or that it happened because of a crime. But it massive consequences because it I would in the criminal law book, so that it fundamentally under punishment. means, on the contrary, that Doctors are not allowed offer it. Doctors are not allowed to advertise it. A doctor is not allowed on their homepage that someone offers a abortion, that there gigantic supply gaps, that women have hundreds of kilometers to even get to a doctor who offers it. that many gynaecologists, I that recently, don't even in their studies, the abduction. because it's as I said, criminal offense and therefore no idea, it's not relevant anymore. So definitely interesting. Alina: Hm, yes. Yes, good that you're it clear and clear I also thought that the conclusion to is also... So not the opposite, but if you differently, because it's in the criminal law book, it also has, how do I this, it's somehow already assumed that you it willingly. Or with an malicious intent or something that. And I think that we, so, exactly, because of that, Sina: Mmm. Yeah, it has a symbolic effect. Alina: we the statement that he just made. That it's on and that it's not as a health aspect, but as a... I don't how to It's not on He doesn't say that it's done but it's just... Just like I'm stealing with an evil will, with an... ...empathy, with lack of ...loveless by any next love and so on. So an egoistic act. And you can't... I find it hard to it into a relationship. And that's the difficult thing about it, that you support this way thinking. Also Sina: Absolutely. mean, it's in the criminal law book. The first sentence Except, hmmm, then and then and then. But it just has a super strong symbolic effect. Yes, definitely. Maybe one thing that really me and it gets me to the topic, I've already many times about the whole subject abduction, but... What always excites is when men think that you can That you I was at the club and I something with someone and oh I'm pregnant, I'll around the corner and let them finish and next week let's go. And I think that doesn't to any woman or very small percentage. of women who really with such a topic. If it really to the that you unintentionally pregnant, which is really really, really horrible situation, then that's such a powerful and crazy situation for women. where has through a lot of mental things, she probably just really stressed out, thinks a about what she's to counseling and so on, where all perspectives come life. And yeah, I hate it it's portrayed like some woman is... or that women make so easily. It always me. It's never seen It would be like, let's of it. Every woman has had three four abductions or whatever. Or hey, let's just get rid of it. It's not the reality of women at ⁓ all. That's thought. Alina: Yes, that's what I wanted to say, that this supported by this thought. And what I also remember is, you say that women have to to counseling anyway, as far I know, that at Can you remember that we a newspaper article Sina: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Alina: Weißt du das noch? War das nicht das auch? Sina: I remember that we interview... Yes, we were at the pro family and they interviewed us. Alina: I it's probably not but wasn't it like that? No, we lied. We just said we'd there. But that's how it We the topic. Yes, you but I just to say that I think we did this subject at And it was like that, that you had to a consultation before, that is, you to inform the subject Or something else. So I don't even want to it to that, but it's a duty that you do or inform Sina: Okay, that's definitely something we Yeah. Alina: at official position and then it's only possible And even this step is already difficult. bit, so education is always important but I would trust my gynecologist just as much as a consultant at the place. But exactly, is definitely the that you this step Yes. Sina: Hmm. It's a bit disdainful, you know? It's like, yes, go to a counseling center which I think is I never noticed, but I told how it works in with the Pro Familia. And then he said, wow, the name Pro Familia already which side you're Alina: Yeah. ⁓ yeah! ⁓ god. Sina: how conservative it is. I'm saying it's place for women, young women, but pro-family. I don't want to pro-family's bad, because think pro-family does good job, but as I the name is totally wrong. It's not neutral. It has neutral at the moment. For the topic, it's right. Alina: Okay, but then I have to... Also, für dieses T. Yes, this topic. But there are also topics like... I have also done consultations myself. It was about the family, about the parents being when you're no longer together. That's it's this topic. That's why I think if you go to gynaecology, which you most intimately anyway, it should somehow fit. But I'm not deep enough in the subject. I just say that this is the first step, with That's difficult, as you say. If someone really says, okay, I'll this, then I'll this brave step. And that's not infinite. You can't have infinite excretions. Your body excrete as it's described here. That's a total risk for the next pregnancies and so on. Sina: Hmm. Alina: And then there's the that I think even fewest women feel same way as before. So I think even if this tiny percentage is right, who says, I'll stop and it's not that wild and stuff, the question of whether they will go out way as before, is also put So conscious approach to this ⁓ should be through clarification. ⁓ Sina: Yeah. Yeah, total. Alina: Yes, I definitely important to that. and Sina: extremely conservative, extremely Christian topic. Where I know that, that you really say, such a fetus is, I'll a child and if you drive it's a murder. Yes, and a woman who drives away, kills her children. I it's just so... crazy. It's to actually say Alina: I remember, there was, I guess, about 20, 25 years there were various mailboxes, at least at home, there a small envelope and there was actually a copy of a photo of the 12th week in Sina: Mm-hmm. Alina: And that was an action to prevent abductions. And it stuck in my mind. And it's just not okay. It's just not okay because you do it, as I said, yes, we have already found how is, how a child develops in the first weeks. course, a lot, lot of happens there. Sina: Mmm, okay. Alina: But a person or a woman who to get divorce, that's terrible and difficult for her. And if she really has and then just has this topic, for whatever reason, then to say, I'll a picture in the mailbox without thinking that's probably like us now. Yes, it triggers the person so much, it makes her so bad to the person she's I want to, I think now, it's, already, as I said, children develop in the first few weeks, and so on and so forth. But that's the one thing. And as I said, that's the personal opinion of the woman. But then to say, yes, look what you've and so on, and then to say, so. It's different reasons for Everyone decides for themselves. It's something very personal. I don't to anything about Sina: Yeah. Alina: It's... I mean, say that he's one who say, you killed and so on, I think that's super violent. But it's... There's still a phytosis, there's life. And I see that being by the topic, I see no other choice than to solve That should be the free decision of the woman, one way another. You know, I can't go 100 % and say it's not a cruel act, it is a cruel act, but it's her decision and it's not done for own That's my opinion. Sina: Yeah. Yeah, this is. Absolutely, yes. So I totally agree. First of all, a abduction is something crazy. Everyone can be for or against abduction. It important that the woman has the choice. I would never call it a murder, but just as abduction of a... and for me it is not a... So a child that you kill, but the potential to live. So it's a potential for life, this fetus. So life arise. Alina: Mm. Sina: And that is prevented. And in the are lot of studies. I a discussion that nobody at that point. The child, the fetus, is just a fetus. It's not... that it like fear or something. Alina: As I I'm not judging at That's not the point. But I it me because I can't just because I wasn't in position. But if someone would me that I have to or that it's the right for then it's the right thing for the person. Sina: Hmm. Alina: I'm I say yes. ⁓ If it's so much affecting then maybe I'll this path or it's just under completely, I don't know, under what circumstances it So, no matter. There are circumstances that don't make this situation bearable Then it's my decision and then it's over. I still have difficulties with it. Because of the photos in the mailbox, it was crazy. It was a crazy feeling and also because of the child. Sina: Yes, it is the mark. time. It's a really tough decision and that's why we should let that they easily. Definitely a really annoying dude. She's very far for age and it's good that she asked that she's him in the wind. We guys that. Alina: Yeah, definitely. Hmm. Sina: But he's a classic conservative guy for ⁓ He's not guy I've met before. He's guy who that. He's generally... I don't know. He's conservative. Alina: I have I hope that maybe that his way Because with the of 20, you might still many... You might not enough Some of you might not to ask questions. And maybe... Give him the time to think. I think... Yes. That would be the best case. Sina: We hope so. Absolute. Okay. Next story. Okay. Hi, I came three and a half months ago and thought I would okay, but now I'm with it. Ey warte, ich hab die Überschrift vergessen. I a sexual assault in Hi, I three and months ago and thought I would okay, but now I'm really with it. I was as Taj Mahal. It was super crowded and someone pressed on me and my hands under my dress and underpants. Instead of or screaming, I was stunned and just it happen. I was with my mom, but she wasn't with me When I her about she just turned away and said, well, we can't do we're in India, what did you expect? Also habe ich es zur Seite geschoben, aber es bleibt dieses ekelhafte Gefühl, dass ich es hätte besser wissen müssen und dass ich das irgendwie verdient hätte. Ich hab nicht mal gesehen, wer es war oder das Geschlecht. Mir ist schlecht und ich fühle mich immer noch dreckig deswegen. Es macht mich traurig, weil ich mir so viel Mühe gegeben habe ans andere Welt der El... Sorry, ich muss diese... I have read it sorry. I'm out of Okay. I sexually... Okay. I a sexual assault Hi. I from India and thought I would okay. But now I'm it. I was at Taj Mahal as a tourist. It was super crowded. and someone pressed on me and my hands under my dress and under underpants. Instead of or screaming, I got up and just it happen. I my mom, but she wasn't with me When I her about she just turned away and said, well, we can't anything about We are in India. What did expect? So I it aside. But is this disgusting feeling that I should have known better and that I somehow deserved I didn't even see who it was or the gender. I feel bad and I still feel dirty because that. It makes me sad because I so much effort to the other end of world. Ich bin total entmutigt. Alina: Okay. Sina: Was ein Scheiß. Alina: Harder Tobak ey, also... Sina: Totally, yes. So... Really, really shitty experience she had I'm really sorry for her. Alina: Yeah, it's just really... I think it's... It's just... It's Oh man, I just the reaction of the mother... She shocked me the most because... What... Well... Well, she said she felt that way. She deserved it, she have taken account. Sina: Yeah. Yeah. Alina: what it's to have an experience that is really disgusting. I find it really disgusting. Well, yes, right? I find it really disgusting. And I'm to this disgusting thing. That's the feeling you already have and then I it. And my mother to me... Sina: Yeah. Alina: Yeah, you should know. Now you shouldn't be allowed a skirt or... Yeah, right, we can't do now. Oh, I think... Sina: Können wir jetzt nichts machen? As a mother of a daughter I asked myself how I in this situation. Absolutely not like that. think it's very bad how the mother reacted. How little empathy the daughter to her. And I the guilt... She's so bit victim shaming. She says, not like, hey you're a skirt, but she says, well, you should have known better, or what did you expect? We're in India. And yeah, really really bad. And as I I've thought about what I would I you live in Taj Mahal, a lot of people, in a foreign country, your daughter and tells you something that. You don't who it was, You probably won't find either. But I think, first of I her completely seriously. I would first all her in my arms. I would clearly tell you that it wasn't her fault, that it very... I think I would go to the police, even if I knew that it wouldn't be and it would be extremely stressful to to the police Alina: slice this thing in half. Sina: And who knows, maybe they cameras or whatever, but I would least do as a symbol for my daughter, so she knows we're something like this and we don't stay quiet and do nothing and just it away. And then in Germany I actually for a few therapy hours for her and if I to privately... I would pay Not everyone but yes, you again, because she also that she just with her, that she feels so dirty. Alina: Yes, I also have a bit of an overview. Yes, I agree. To to embrace, to feeling, the topics. Really normal, which you would just want What I would add to the points that you in Germany, think it's important to show that you're not alone. That you're not alone and... The issue of the shock rod, it will probably be ashamed of not anything. I haven't anything or actually haven't had but I've been to several self-defense courses where it's always about the fact that... Sina: Mm. Alina: people feel more like victims who couldn't defend couldn't defend this is defending is worst part. I think, I I've taken three self-defense courses The first one I was about eleven. And then later again, at an adult age. Sina: Mm-hmm. Alina: Again and these courses have helped me to empower To loud, something, or, a very important point was to your instincts. To simply say, if I want to I'll just change the roadside I'm not too proud of it. Things like And that's I think, to show you... It's not bad that you didn't defend yourself, that happens to many people, and you're not alone, and we just at how we deal What helps you? Maybe you have a anger in you about this incident and so on and so on. But that's a bit of a relapse. I think what you really a motor at this point is, if I make such mistake, don't it, don't the wear and tear, How should she come to me time? With other topics. She thinks every time I'm guilty myself. No what. Even if the man... My boyfriend is me. When I think about life, I'm guilty myself. I I he was Because... I know. You Sina: Yeah, absolute. Alina: That's what you absolutely have think how to trust. Sina: Yeah. Absolutely. It hurts me to read that she dirty and that this suffering is with her and that the shame is with her. she... The people who ashamed... She doesn't to ashamed, you The one who did Alina: That's tough. I'm really sorry for her. Sina: I to be of That's the perverted, perverted motherfucker who such a shit with her. And that's the who has to ashamed of And yeah, unfortunately you have to... There a lot of society that always with the victim and not with the perpetrator. And that is something that still a lot, where we a long way to And it very important to talk about these incidents. What I had about was that similar things happened especially in discos. At the of twenties I was a short dress and there was always lot of fighting in the discos. And one or the touched my butt. And I never saw who it was. I remember that I really aggro but it was impossible to know who it was. And I never told I just took it in, somehow. That it happened and I thought, maybe you can't short clothes anymore, it sucks. It sucks when you in club, because then... And it's also that I the mistake in myself, as saying that was a really crazy predator somewhere in this club, who just women's or also their underpants. That was a story that I to think And very important that there a change thought and very important to talk it. So if that happens to that it happens. There is no reason to be ashamed. No what happens. There is nothing for which the victim has Only the perpetrators have be ashamed. Alina: Yeah, it's not even this way The silence protects the wrong ones. Sina: Absolutely. Yes, and the scarf has to sides. Alina: think that after the Pelico incident it a huge issue because it totally hurtful and it so good that she talked it. And women like that should be good role models. Sina: Hmm. Alina: Yeah, it's just so crazy. Sina: Ja, absolut ist die Frau auch. ⁓ Was you ever in India? You didn't through India, did ⁓ The story is played in India. Alina: I don't for that reason, but rather the poverty triggers me a little. I have respect for and then I again, yes, but might the wrong approach. I'm very biased about that, but you were definitely in Sri Lanka. Sina: Mmm. No, but think Sri Lanka is a bit different. It has always been a dream for to through India. It's still a dream. But I've postponed because I so much respect for the country. And actually, because of these stories, that Mada also... There are of Germany and Spain. But I've many stories about Indian women, about traveling women who were harassed and even about this burglary in the ghetto. That this happens a lot. And what was interesting about Under this Reddit post there was a comment that even got more upvotes than the original post. I wanted it out loud because I was really interesting. So this the comment under the post. Inside here, every girl I know was in one or the other way. For most of us, the first sexual experience was against our will. Clinging or worse. This also a lot of traces in my mental health. I have always thought, why me? Is something wrong with my clothes? Am I too mature? It led to that I everything as as dirty. I a private school and my teacher harassed me. And that while my mother was a deputy head I told and everything she did was to make sure that this teacher no longer in my class. Nothing else. She had the power to him out, but she didn't do it. The majority of the men here are sexually oppressed. Teenagers are their sexuality. All under the cover of culture. And result is perverts who play the saint and become potentially raped as soon as they know they not being I'm sorry that this happened I'm sorry that this so many girls It's a huge problem. But everything people deliver is an excuse to the problem. Alina: Okay. ⁓ Sina: I the comment especially because she writes, every girl she knows has already experienced it in one another. The one is worse, the other one is less bad. I thought was... Yeah, I it really sad and... ⁓ Alina: Yes, but the backgrounds she delivers are... I haven't about it Sina: I actually do, because I always have the feeling that the more stifled a culture is, so if you have cultures where there absolutely no sex before marriage... Yes, just these very classic things that you can only date when the parents are in room or whatever. That it rather leads to sexual abnormalities developing. That it's somehow unhealthy. Alina: Hmm. Hmm. Sina: And then you have more problems in society with men. We also about Afghanistan. For example, imagine, in Afghanistan, a man the women are completely veiled, that a man, have never a real woman in real life. They only the sister and maybe only the mother. Maybe they don't a sister. And otherwise women only them as these totally hidden beings who around And that they a strange relationship with women. they strange... For them sexuality is something crazy, so far away. You it's so... that if you grow up strange abnormalities or perversions will Alina: Hmm. Sina: Imagine, Alina, never seen a man. We what our brother looks like, for example. Alina: Nee, ich... ja, aber ich hatte irgendwie... Yes, of sounds totally logical. But still I had... I in my head that there is a difference between... I think Hinduism in India. But I'm not sure. think there are different... Buddhism can be I don't know. any India has a much more spiritual... And somehow... Yeah, well... I don't dangerous half-knowledge, so maybe we'll to cut But what about Tantra and Kamasutra and so Where does that from? I it also from India. Sina: Yes, I'm also from the culture, but for me, the knowledge I have is not a culture that the European Western countries are comfortable with, but it's same with... Alina: Also, irgendwie hatte ich da... Sina: I know, no sex marriage, organized weddings and so on. least partly. And yes, she writes that the majority of men are also sexually oppressed. ⁓ Alina: Yeah. Hmm. Sina: Yeah, definitely a crazy comment touched me and also crazy about her mother. The mother has the power to the man out, but she doesn't. What does that to as a daughter? Not too bad. Alina: Yeah, above all, seems to a woman who has a certain position and certain position why don't you that? Maybe because it's badly normalized there. I don't know. Sina: Yeah. I there's a little of a blow to the finger, it, or there's consequences. And we don't another class. But there's real consequence. And apparently through this culture. So any case, she says that... Yes, it is a huge problem, but it not really being Yes. honestly, me a little bit not to through India, at least not with a child, that it is a bit too crazy for Too crazy. Alina: Hmm. Yeah, but really, what I've seen in lot of movies or something like that, little children, little girls and so on, that's always... I super crazy and it always me with it. And that's always what I thought, I can't somehow, I don't think Sina: Yeah, total. Okay. Then we are through. Or do you have any closing words? Alina: I think I already mentioned Sina: Okay, thank you for listening and see next time. Bye! Alina: then. Tchoo!