Sina Ganster: Hello Alina. Hi. Wir sind zurück. Alina: Hello, guten Abend. ⁓ back on track, endless. Sina Ganster: Liebe Zuschauer. ZUHÖRER! Alina: Hörer, Zuhörer. Ja, wir üben noch. Sina Ganster: Yeah, we it yesterday, but it nice. A lot of people came. Alina: Wie geht's dir? Wie ist die Lage? Danke schön! Yeah, but I also had... Yeah, definitely. I little bit amazed that I could get 20 people together But there really a of children in the There were probably five six children. then, yeah, everyone just by. It was really cool. I had lot of food. I didn't think it would away, but... It was cool, it was a garden party. I'm lucky now in April. But before the day, I had so much PMS, I coughed and I okay, it's my midlife crisis that's starting now or something, but it can't be. It's actually great. Actually, everything really good. But... Sina Ganster: It's a good moment. had us mega-glück. Yeah, think it's just normal to have of PMS or mood swings and stuff But then it again and you your birthday. ⁓ Alina: I just everywhere and said, I don't feel And they all said, Alina, come on, it's for you. Sina Ganster: I'm to But because of do you think that was really such a topic that you thought, shit, I'm old something? Well, we're yet, Yeah, that's why, it doesn't you. Alina: 0. 0. 0. Not at 35. What's Everything's fine. No, it was just PMS. That's where you your life. Well, I my life. No, that was great. Mega good. And you were at the beach. Sina Ganster: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, about Easter. Here it's Semana Santa. Everything all week. The kindergarten is closed. Probably in Germany as And then we to think about what to with the little Then my parents there and then we are after. Thursday to Monday we free and then we to beach and we also mega Great luck with the weather, it really nice. Just some nice sunny vibes. It's always great to get of You're in your own house, you're your everyday life. Carlos and I had it in our heads because of the whole thing. Household. It's always an ongoing topic, how we control here. baby, with laundry, with cooking, preparing, both full-time work. We're always at the limit and it definitely us a job to get out again. It's just the quality time. Alina: Yeah. Ja, braucht man. Sina Ganster: And even though we're back, everything a bit smoother. Genau. Alina: Nice balance. Well, if you can go to the beach, our? Sina Ganster: Yeah, it's a luxury if you don't on beach like many people in Spain. They always straight to the coast. But it's one and half hours away. And then you can really enjoy And what's really cool here, I know from Germany, is that many people still second or third apartment. So that money is on real estate. And as a friend of mine, whose parents have an apartment on the Mediterranean coast, a small apartment on the Atlantic coast and so on, you can nice escapes. And it's not that they're super rich, it's just that the real estate prices used super low or somehow much more and lot of just... Alina: Ach ja, ja geil. Und wie ist dein Energielevel heute? Sina Ganster: I would say So, uh... No, everything in the frame. So, about PMS. I my period back after pregnancy. It's still a long time. We're stilling and stuff. But I've stopped stilling. And, uh, right, then it again. And I noticed before that I really shitty. So I really felt like... Alina: ⁓ okay. Sina Ganster: I knew it was It was a feeling I hadn't had you... PMS, that phase before, where I thought, I just questioned and... So yeah, I'm back in the cycle. Alina: Yeah. Sina Ganster: Yeah, so it was the whole time she was in kindergarten or in the kindergarten and I pumped and stuff and at some point she started eating and then I pumped and she only ate and when she wanted a piece we had... how do you that in German? We always have a formula, you know. What you that? Artificial milch? Pre-milch? ⁓ right. ⁓ Yeah, that's we gave her. And then I less milk. And now it started that she had a lot of teeth. She teeth but she's really bad with her teeth right She stuff herself in her mouth and coughs all over. That was the key factor that I weeks ago... I tried to calm her and she really me a It was really intense. She with the breastplate and the teeth. It was horror. And I thought, no, I'm not in mood for anymore. You have to say she really eats... In kindergarten she doesn't milk anymore because she eats Alina: ⁓ no. At it's good. Hey, how cool that it went with her. So three months ago when I saw her... Sina Ganster: It was super... yeah. Alina: And there was still a lot of at the start. And yes, think I a year in any case. So not full. I actually completely forgot when it started. Yes, but cool. So it's somehow exciting. The next step and so on. And she eats it's a dream. Sina Ganster: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's really cute. At the beginning she didn't eat It with about a month and We do this babylet weaning and everything is bit slower. But some point the switch and now she eats a lot. Alina: Very cool. Nice. Sina Ganster: you Yeah, everything is very exciting. Well, I think... Small talk over. Are you ready for the stories? Alina: Na gut, legen wir mal los. Sina Ganster: Legen wir los. Men between 35 and 50 are very blinded and nobody says anything about I just a Facebook video. Three students complained that a 50-year-old man tried to seduce them. Of course, that is usual reaction of young women when older men flirt Then I the comments and something completely different than expected. It was a group of men between 35 and 50 who confirmed each other in a kind echo chamber, liked their comments and disliked They wrote things like, I bet if he had it different. If they actually attracted him, the age would not matter. Ich kenne einen Arzt, der nur Studentinnen datet und sobald zeigt, wie viel er verdient, ist ihnen das Alter egal. Er ist nie allein. Kann man es ihm verdenken, da gibt es noch keinen Ballast. Ich bin 44 und junge Frauen werfen sich mir ständig an den Hals. Klammer auf, alles kopierte Kommentare aus diesem Video. Leute, diese Kommentare hatten alle über 500 Likes. Männer sind wirklich und ich meine wirklich davon überzeugt, dass die durchschnittliche junge Frau sexuelle Affären mit einem Mann im Alter ihres Vaters haben möchte. Und man kann diese männlichen Ekokammer nicht einmal durchbrechen, weil sie einen einfach auslachen und sagen, man sei eine verbitterte Frau. Sie schwimmen ständig auf Wolke 7. Und ja, ich bestreite nicht, dass junge Frauen mit einem älteren Mann zusammen sein können, wenn er genug Geld hat. But if because of your money, it's somehow tragic. And if you her two options, 25-year-old man with money and a 42-year-old man with money, will choose the younger man she actually sexually. You Alina: Okay. Sina Ganster: Wo fangen wir hier an? Alina: I was thinking that too. A lot of layers. Sina Ganster: Yeah, so very multi-layered. Yeah, it's just... yeah, just somehow crazy that apparently... or there are lot of bubbles of men who really in their own world and I see that somehow... so it happens to me incredibly often that as a woman that you only about men who money. So that you... yeah. you don't care whether he's 50 years old or not. The main thing is that has money. And... I have with the author. I that's totally precarious and think that's completely illogical. Yeah, this behavior, but as I said, it's just... I don't even if it's just a bubble or if it's common sense that many men really think that women... that women only money. and rest somehow not. Alina: Well, there are several topics. First, money and then age. I have a bit. We are now on the topic Sina Ganster: Yeah. It's a combination of both, because normally you have a lot of money when you're older. So it's probably that a 50-year-old has a lot of than a 20-year-old. Alina: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, but it's both. It's the age gap. Because I could also for well-earned man, a well-earned woman in my age, purely theoretically. It's this inequality that in room. And men are always being they have to represent power, and that can by capital and a good job and so on. So that very, very strongly, especially now this age. And we're Our mothers weren't as much into it as we are now, because we have more possibilities. That's think it's coming a bit. I don't know if the 35-year-olds are in the transition phase, but the 50-year-olds definitely are. They're in the boomer phase. Or... No, wait, is that still boomer? Sina Ganster: Hmm. time. I understand where it comes from that women didn't work and that's a man was very attractive, who had and didn't care for the woman whether he 25 or 50. But the times have for first time. more women are financially independent. Which more women do what they want or are in relationships with men to whom they really attracted because they simply that security anymore and because they it to themselves through their financial income. And I think that this that many men. That they suddenly... that they their money or their age. Alina: And now they're at the position where they earn and then they think, well, I'm just on those who don't have yet. Because with those who have it, I get I think we forget the original statement The original statement is that women offended by men. And in end, question is... Sina Ganster: Yeah. Alina: There are also very attractive 50-year-old men who are polite and who you might really date. And I think if they had then maybe a 20-year-old would have known where love would up. But I don't on the status test. Sina Ganster: but no... I think would be a big exception that a student in her 50s falls in Of course, there is everything. Alina: And when she says... Yeah, I've always... You never know. Sina Ganster: Yeah, I just it's so crazy what they're that they're about a gigantic bubble. But these three students would with this 50-year-old man, who's probably almost 30 years older than her, definitely go to bed him, if he had money. It's just a devaluation of the woman, think, that you... that we women do everything just for money and that that's only thing that counts. And I that at all. I have to say, I my personal bubble, I don't know how it you, but I don't a single woman in my circle of who him her partner because of the money. Not a single I people who... I don't know, because they went because they fell And for me more like, of course there is that, that in certain circles a woman is for a guy who as much money but for me more of an exception. But it's always sold out in our society as if that the standard measure. That we... that only for the woman... I that in incredible YouTube videos and TikToks, that you on first date, and what do you Ah yes, only 120.000. Yes, then I go you on Yes, or that's too little for me, or that's enough, or whatever. And for me that simply not this reality at And I just that these guys, somehow in such a distorted reality... Alina: Yeah. Okay. Sina Ganster: where they think, sometimes they behave I know, like, I only a woman if I have nobody wants me Alina: I think it's just... It's just being relativized. The problem that it's about is not being thematized anymore, but it's being drifted a completely different dimension. And I'm myself that. If now... I mean, okay, we might not able imagine that we're someone just because of the money, but there is this TreadWive phenomenon. What does phenomenon Sina Ganster: Hmm. Alina: There are women who say they to money, they want it to their husband, they want at Okay, if you want please. And then there's the whole topic, I read it in an article about Sugar Daddy. The topic Sugar Daddy is at the end... That's it, dating, which about financial dangers. But there is still an attractiveness. And they say, for example, woman from their point view, that she thinks that this construct, that I'm a sugar daddy, is actually a totally honest thing. Because she says, yes, I'll you and you'll the dates or buy me something nice, I know, this and that. I don't out my head, but in this case it's voluntary. So this case it's she's not dependent it, but she does it and finds it appropriate. And if they fall in and then this construct, yes my god, if they communicate that's fine too. The main thing is that the woman feels just as valued and does it not to financial situation, whether she likes or not. She can decide It's much more important that women about it and feel really unpleasantly offended. And then a group men fall and say, yes, that's not true. That's being relativized. Then they say, Sina Ganster: you Alina: If he had would different. So to this problem to an that man did nothing wrong, he only too little money, or what? Sina Ganster: Yeah, total gutter Punkt. Alina: I don't really understand that. Because I think, people, either she feels good about or she doesn't good about it. That's the circumstances. It doesn't It's problem. It's a global problem. That there are power struggles between a man and a woman. But this point a man has only to say, if you feel girl, I don't know, then you the right to and represent Sina Ganster: Absolut. Alina: and Yeah. Sina Ganster: and services, but very few women They think that every woman wants a kind of sugar daddy. That every woman is ticked. And you what I is perverse? Or what I find totally critical, is what she writes I also it somehow tragic or when you imagine that you would only because of the money. Imagine you go with a guy, even with this inverted perspective, you go with a guy and the... Alina: Hmm. Sina Ganster: is not in you as a at probably you attractive ⁓ either. He's just with you somehow, so you a restaurant visit and nice clothes and whatever. And think that's kind of... a very strange idea. I could never as a woman, in such a constellation. And the more I it, the more that it's men, or of course not all men, for selected men, to with a young woman who is with this person because of I this an exception or not, but... Alina: I think I... I've read another article, but that a long time ago. There was actually a man who as an He said he experienced that well-deserved women met with him to... to certain needs because they don't anyone now or maybe they sitting in their jobs and don't have the time for dating or something that and just say I can drop because I know what I It's a of a control issue. Sina Ganster: Hmm. Alina: I can't it well, but in that constellation it so familiar. It wasn't desperate from her point view. Because you would that about a woman who is man. You would say how desperate she is. That she can't laugh but has pay But she had the balls to say... I'm this because I know exactly what to expect. Not everyone is so generous and their heart to But with these guys, it's not as clear and as saying it it's a different level. yes, it's true, a woman would desperate. Sina Ganster: That Alina: And if a woman would a younger man, that would a Puma. I don't know. I definitely wouldn't her that much. Or Kuga? Isn't the Sina Ganster: Sorry! I already I have no idea. You Alina: Don't you him? Or have you heard of him? Sina Ganster: I don't I don't I've it a long ⁓ Alina: Yes, I that's they used to women. Sina Ganster: Yeah, it's totally disgusting. But so creative. Alina: for a woman. think it's pretty strong. think it's pretty cool. I think it's a cat. Because a cat is so incredibly independent. I think it's crazy. A strong cat. If you me Puma in 15 years, I won't anything Sina Ganster: ⁓ Yeah, that's right. Oh man ey. Yeah. But basically what I still say, of there are always cases like and there the successful businesswoman who is somehow a escort man. But basically I it an exception and with men it's more like a... Alina: Yeah, so that my impression. Yeah. Mm. Sina Ganster: You see more often in men and they are much more refined with Because if a a 50-year-old man with a 20-year-old woman, which I really is so bad, it becomes socially... Alina: Krasse Altersgefälle dazwischen, ey. Sina Ganster: I think we've discussed it here. Let's jump to the next story. Also very exciting. Alina: Mm-hmm. Sina Ganster: I am a gruel against my wife because she our agreement to case of malformation. And I to to that this decision was Before we even started planning a child, my wife and I had a very clear agreement. If during pregnancy any defections or defections were detected, we would stop. We talked it I was convinced that we were one opinion. I was aware that things can still occur with which one simply has But we agreed the that we, if we have the opportunity, heavy life-long suffering and a much more difficult life for us and our child, we During ultrasound in the 20th week, we out that our baby has severe omphalocele and heart problems. It was a shock. But I thought we already what to do. Doch plötzlich weigerte sich meine Frau. Sie stellte unsere Vereinbarung komplett auf den Kopf und ich hatte das Gefühl, keinerlei Mitspracherecht mehr zu haben. Sie sagte, sie könne eine Abtreibung einfach nicht durchstehen und damit war die Sache für sie erledigt. Unser Sohn kam schließlich neun Wochen zu früh zur Welt. Der Aufenthalt auf der Intensivstation für Neugeborene dauerte Monate. Operationen. food, constant hospital visits, always new complications. That is now our whole life. He is almost two years old and our everyday life still of medical crises, appointments and insecurity. I don't to feel that, but I feel like a gruel against everything. I think that we this suffering for him and for us and didn't Ich wünschte, sie hätte die Schwangerschaft abgebrochen, damit wir noch einmal hätten versuchen können, ein gesundes Kind zu bekommen. Denn ich habe das Gefühl, in der Hölle zu leben. Mein ganzes Leben dreht sich nur noch ⁓ die schweren gesundheitlichen Probleme unseres Sohnes. Und ich empfinde auch Kroll gegenüber meiner Frau, weil sie die Rolle als Mutter eines Omphalocele-Kämpfers zu ihrer ganzen Identität gemacht hat. She speaks about the state of our son as if it were a kind of honor certificate, constantly about it and it seems as if she would the attention. I know that people deal with such situations but for me it really like she from the compassion, praise and attention of other parents and from the internet. While I hardly have the strength to myself together, It's as if we live in the same situation, but she gets emotional confirmation while I break down. That makes me even lonely and angry, because it feels like she has won while I'm about the life we've Sometimes I I could go and over because I feeling that my life was by a decision. I never really meet. I hate this feeling. I hate this mess. I hate that parenting has become this me. I don't know what I hope Maybe I out loud But for me it like this decision, your decision, has the life we should led. And I don't know if I ever stop feeling so unhappy and bitter. Alina: of course. Sina Ganster: I thought it was a very intense story. I different thoughts about Alina: Hmm. Mm. Sina Ganster: Do you to start? Should I start? Alina: Well, I've the story. You probably some time to think it. And I'll you, my first thought is that extremely sorry for the family. I think it always you aware of how much luck you have when you a healthy child. But I also think that a divorce due to a medical... Well, it's often just a prognosis or a probability that you get diagnosed. You never for sure. That's really hard to decide. And I 20th week, I think I Hannah from week 18. And from 22, definitely really clear, but I bet she already the child. And I a front wall placenta. because wasn't early. I think other women feel it earlier. And then to say, I give birth to I don't know. It could have exactly like that, that you wouldn't have... Sina Ganster: Mm. You can't just drive away like The child has to be born. It's not like you just suck it you have to give So a drive-away in the 20th week is really very, very late. think legally, if you are now, or quotation marks, legally in Germany. Alina: Yeah, yeah, but... Sina Ganster: Yes, yes, no. It's legal with such a diagnosis, but I wanted to say that regular pregnancy is possible until the 12th week or what? The 12th? So until third month. And only if you a diagnosis like these, then you also postpone until the 20th week. But I think 20th week is also one of the latest moments. Alina: Mm. Sina Ganster: It's only a little half-knowledge, but it's very late and I Mara in the 17th or 18th It's an incredibly difficult decision to a child at this moment. I think what's important here is to say what a omphalocele I hope I pronounced It didn't say so I googled Alina: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Sina Ganster: This a birth defect in which the abdominal organs, for example the intestines, outside the belly. ⁓ In a transparent sack on the navel. You can see pictures like this. Then I asked, so Chachipiti, how you live And what does that exactly? Chachipiti answered yes, many children can live but it heavily the weight. Good prognosis. Alina: ⁓ Sina Ganster: There are many where the uterus is outside, are no further malformations, are very good chances after surgery. There more cases where liver or other organs are The treatment is more the prognosis depends on the overall condition. In general, is usually shortly after birth and the organs are back into the stomach. How do with children later? Many children develop normally and can a normal life. Possible later topics are naps or stomach problems or digestive problems. And I that's important, because you get a diagnosis in the 20th week and for me, that be a big question. What kind of diagnosis Is this maybe a brain damage? Will my child be mentally disabled? Or is it like I something this? here, seems like a totally difficult topic But for me would be important first, okay, there's nothing wrong with the brain. There will be surgery, it will also be... You have to somehow... it complicated way. Alina: Hmm. Sina Ganster: But apparently there are very good forecasts for this child. And under those conditions I I the child away. I have you honestly. So... So... What I in is that I actually the mother. That she said, even if you talk it at the beginning... In the beginning it's always easy to talk about something that, but it's just something else when a child in your belly and you that child. Then things just And that's why can understand that in the 20th week you yourself that you can't that. ⁓ And I also him. Because, I understand him. He's something that he doesn't really want. And the he clearly communicated that he doesn't want first he thought, okay, that you the same opinion. And now he's this life in quotation marks. And apparently that's a life he absolutely hates. He very clearly. And that makes me, when I his story, feel sorry for him. Now just to think about what the next steps are him. Alina: Yes, as I wanted to it I would not underestimate what such a drive-off to you. As a child you your child relatively punctual, or in first pregnancy half. And then you already connected, totally connected. A child has a heartbeat of six weeks. So that's just a child. It's also a responsibility. And you're about mother much earlier. while dad is still little out of you're about mother, you're paying attention yourself and to the child. And then to say, I'm the child away, just has... The consequences are emotional, just super crazy, think. You really to want And what if she couldn't have children again after the abortion? She still Who says it's doable I think you the risk that you can't get pregnant again. That means she has to the application first, then the worst case, with that she children anymore. Where I say, that's not the problem You have to say Even if I'm maybe getting but it's certainly an emotional problem, but for the woman it my opinion more. And that's maybe one thing. I think it's a very difficult decision. That's the first And what you're about the type, the illness or the kind of illness, I think for him, the worry of the child begins in the moment the child born. He has now learned to worry about the child and obviously his wife, who many men miss in a healthy child. Many men also mourn for their wife because they have to share with the child. That is also a change that has to In this case, is course very extreme. And she probably doesn't the opportunity to talk him. I assume that the postings it's a clarification. But probably she some attention. And assume that between the two... ⁓ We can't really each other That's a shame. Sina Ganster: Yeah. I think he's very negatively about her. As if she's in the rum that she's playing the role of a mother of an accident or mental battle. I think very negative because basically no one choose and no one wishes to a child with a disability. Alina: Mm-hmm. Sina Ganster: A child that has pain, that suffers. And I think if you decide you try the best you And it seems that she does that. That she strengthens her child's That she her role somewhere. And she would also a healthy child, but... You just to with life first, so you get And if that's your cards... ⁓ I think she's the best out of And he's really massive, he just it at all. And sometimes I think... I understand him, I understand, as I said, that he feels into this life. On other hand, he this text once, he really of his child somehow. I don't know. Where is his son in this whole story? Where is the thief to the son? It's just... I don't this life, I, I, I... how he writes I love my son, I know, I'm unhappy with it's or with this whole thing. So it like if he could turn he would two years and this child go. Alina: Yeah, that's, I that's the... He once wrote that he child's That's he wrote. But yes, it's classic suppression tactics or just a little bit Yes, suppression. I think he would just it unbecoming and not with it. So with as a dad or as... Yeah, but rather as... As a viewer of the whole thing. A bit further outside. As I think that if his wife had more connection with or if they could exchange then that help But this fate that you have to first, that also So if I think about like... Sina Ganster: Yeah. Alina: I in my life, how long it took until I could really accept It took two years. ⁓ Sina Ganster: Hmm. Alina: You can't just say, I'll some time and get used to something, you have to take of yourself. I think that's really challenging. I think he's really challenging. And she's trying to fight and probably yes, I it's also crap, but that they listen to to all the stress she has. that she should listen to what her concerns are about the That's a lot. And I think if you it different way. So if she can also say to I'm done, I'm everything, I'm burdened by the situation in this that please me. So somehow catching each other and so on. Sina Ganster: Yeah. So, he really to... well, probably it here either. He probably it here either, but what somehow for him is that he didn't leave. So he's still in this situation. He speaks for that he his son and that he his mother. Alina: No. Okay. Sina Ganster: and that he actually wishes for this family. He could have said, yeah, fuck you, you this child, I'm gone. But he stays. But he all this frustration in him. That's nothing he's here in private life, but he writes it anonymously on Reddit. And he speaks for him. It's in so stories that we've had, I think it's so important for him to go to the therapist and work the thing. That he the grudge and the feeling he his wife. That he works on the whole thing from the with the abduction. That he might from a different perspective, from perspective of the woman, what means to a child away in the 20th week Why decisions were made the they were That it's okay to be that, that okay to unjustly treated. But that he somehow... long term he will out and can his anger. So he somehow gets back the ring and course also his wife. Because can't be that... Alina: It's a life crisis. It's not a daddy style. You can at it a perspective. It's just a life crisis. It's just hard. Sina Ganster: Absolutely. Absolutely. And is no black and white I understand both sides I understand the mother because I mother myself. But you can't your feelings. You just to approach Which I think is my or our opinion about this story. I on... I'll to Reddit again. The were incredibly exciting. Alina: correct. Sina Ganster: Because so incredibly many men have commented here. Really, they write, boah, let yourself be divided. ⁓ can only tell you, you're right. So crass how you lied ⁓ to. I totally understand that you're so fucked up and so on. And very, very few. I really to scroll until I ... Alina: So. Where she lie? She didn't lie. Sina Ganster: Well, she has at the beginning, what she under lies is this... ...a deduction, So, yes, if a disabled person, you if it a disability, we away. But as I said, of all, disability is not exactly disability. So, it's something else, if you finger or if you, what do breathe Alina: Okay, but... ⁓ Okay. Sina Ganster: But very few of these comments actually. I don't know if it's because of the bubble. The subreddit was RegretfulParents where I found And yes, there are them, but basically there are actually many other opinions. So that he should let Yeah, mean, it depends on who comments on these things, but I it was pretty because I don't see way. Alina: I find appropriate to say that should leave here. I think that's not the Sina Ganster: Yes. Totally. It's also enough, but the internet doesn't the limits of social media. Okay. Let's to the last story. It's a bit lighter. Alina: Internet, yes, it's always wonderful. one. Okay. Sina Ganster: Okay. I am 38, I live alone in a house that belongs I drive a company car, I have a job, a secure job and full control over my time and my space. I no children and am single. Both are free to I also have an attractive 31-year-old Spanish lover that I every few weeks. No pressure, no drama. Einfach gute Gesellschaft und eine schöne Verbindung. Neulich wurde mir bewusst, wenn ein Mann dieses Leben beschreiben würde, würden die Leute sagen, er lebt den Traum. Finanziell abgesichert, ungebunden, mit einer jüngeren Person zusammen genießt er seine Freiheit. Fast schon ein Klischee männlichen Erfolgs. Aber weil ich eine Frau bin, wurde ich nie dazu ermutigt, genau so etwas anzustreben. Mir wurde mal subtil, mal ganz direkt gesagt, ich würde es bereuen, keine Kinder zu haben. Dass ich einsam sein würde. Dass ich meine Chance verpassen würde. Dass ich mich irgendwann schon noch niederlassen würde. Und doch, hier bin ich. Angekommen auf die bestmögliche Weise bei mir selbst. Ich liebe mein Leben. Ich liebe die Ruhe, die ich mir geschaffen habe. Ich liebe, dass ich Nähe wählen kann, ohne abhängig zu sein. Intimität ohne Verpflichtung. Ich liebe, dass mein Zuhause ganz mir gehört. Jeder Winkel spiegelt wieder, wer ich bin. Ich wollte das einfach teilen, weil man leicht vergisst, dass es so viele gültige Wege gibt, als Frau ein erfülltes, reiches Leben zu führen. And sometimes we live exactly the life that others to convince us to. We shouldn't want Alina: Alright, I'm cool. I'm Sina Ganster: I'm super nice. I thought it was... I knew that I I had to a little bit because Carlos is also Spanish man. But... That is... No, so I thought it was super nice and I also it was super, super, super interesting what she writes. And I totally agree with what she says, that what she describes as being independent, earning a of driving a car, having ⁓ younger partner, that this a cliché of male success, is not perceived success in but rather ⁓ as... My god, ⁓ die wirft ihr Leben weg, die wird's bereuen. Was ist schief gelaufen? Absolut. Alina: Yeah, but that's also the classic thing we get as young girls, with all Disney fairies and stuff, because they all at end. So at the end, the happy ending... Sina Ganster: That's the ending scene of the film. That's the highlight of our lives. Alina: Yes, and then it always becomes from Hanna loves Mulan. So Mulan you know, right? So Mulan is really cool. And in the end she is mainly, so she does it somehow then a bit too for a man, for this warrior. Or this one, yes, he has some kind of high-ranking officer or something. And in the end Sina Ganster: Mm, ja, ich liebe Mulan. Also Mulan find ich schon cool. Alina: It's also about fact that she can be the proud woman you're proud of because she the whole country. And then she's on the side of a man. And even Pocahontas, who I loved, I loved Pocahontas, she was so cool. But she was cool before John Smith came around the corner. Is she? Sina Ganster: You Alina: That's what we taught. We need that and if you otherwise and say... Especially in children's I it a bit of Because especially strong women should really cool mothers. I fully that women want their freedom. For God's sake, I have my child with me and I it's that bad. Sina Ganster: salute. Alina: I it's a shame, I miss her. But it's like being a partner. It's not bad when he's not there. To that freedom is also really good. And yet I feel really bad about saying I to that. I still really bad. Because she's cute. I love this kid. How crazy. But I like my evenings like today. Sina Ganster: Yeah, mom guilt. Alina: where I can go to gym in I can when I come where I don't to sign for anything, for my work, so I don't have apologize for how long I work. Because that's also an issue. How long should I work? If I like to work. Nobody says anything when you 10 or 11 hours. But you that as a woman, it's always like, oh, she doesn't any hobbies. Dude. Sina Ganster: She has no hobbies or she doesn't of the children enough. midwife or she's up career for the children and so on. These all classics that you as a woman. So always with this double moral. It's not questioned when a man a freshly baked father but travels through the world for his job and never is Then that's not an at A woman... who just a mother and has a lot of business trips or something like think she's constantly being addressed this, or probably also automatically degraded Alina: And there is the term, raven mother, not for a man. So at least I haven't heard yet. But funny enough, when you started telling the up to the point that you that to the Spaniard and actually not only then, but only afterwards, it clear to that we a woman. Because you just said yes. Sina Ganster: No. absolute Mm. Hmm. Ach, krass! Alina: I thought, yes, but I thought all the time, sharp guy, sounds good, you know, a man that I think And what is that for one? And then I thought yes, you might it's cool but let's a man in mid-40s who doesn't a family and so on is somehow sad, you never arrived. That's I thought. But Sina Ganster: Krass, das ist spannend, Hahaha But it's also very judgemental, right? It's not a difference if a man is judged or a woman. A woman is judged with certainty. But basically everyone should live life the they want. But we that in us, also from the men's But you can at 45 and children. That's the difference. A woman can't 45 anymore. Alina: Ja, üpels! Correct? Hmm? Yeah, I started with the Spaniard. That's the difference. it's It's just like that, that the men at that age, don't want to get pregnant Don't you want to woman for life? That's what men at that age who are not yet forgiven. But they have more time for Sina Ganster: Hmm. Alina: And funny enough, I about the Spaniard, I thought, ⁓ we're about a gay man, that's even exciting, right? And then the idea up that he's a woman. Shit. So really... Sina Ganster: Scheiße! But it's because it shows that we don't connect it. I can't say what I thought, because I read the and it was clear to it a woman. I was in a subreddit where it a woman. And that's this question didn't really occur But it a completely different perspective because you this story and it first time, and then have a different impression. So I can't say if it have the same for and I would have that's a man. Alina: But at time, we are older. I'm 35 now. There are women in my age who don't children, who don't children There are but there are some and more that I know. They look me. And I think about that we are 35 now, and they are 38, or in three years. Sina Ganster: Mm-hmm. Yeah, by me, ⁓ Mm-hmm. Alina: I wouldn't find unusual if one of them might have her own house. I know one she has her own house. But it's actually a remnant of a divorce. She's it right now. But if she's 38, or I don't know how old, then she has her own house, has no children, and so on. And she has her life with her dog and everything. It's And we to more. That we say more. ⁓ Sina Ganster: Totally. I think... Yeah. I think it deserves it. The difference is... Of course is. Women are older, alone, professionally successful. But I think what she wants, or generally what is desirable, is that society says, she is super successful, she has a great life. But what does it you feel like you love your life, you great life? Alina: Mm-hmm. Sina Ganster: But society says, I'll you. And probably, I don't know how often she gets under her nose or is constantly confronted with it. That someone says, don't to Don't want children in life? So, I guess I a man a lot less. Alina: in a way. Sina Ganster: And yes, she deserves that society says, hey, that's a woman who's successful. And without children. And that's also a way happy. And basically, this... It's this... Yes, you can with children. No. Absolutely. But how do you that? So I personally, I would have very often. from family members, society, from people who say, happiness you in your life through children. And I find that very, very wrong. I'm not saying that my child doesn't me on contrary, for me it's the most beautiful mother to but I would never ever to anyone. Alina: ⁓ no. Sina Ganster: to or your way of and say that's the only way to true happiness. It's also an old women's model, I don't know how to express it, caught in this 50s role model of women that the determination of women is to a mother and that's you can only be happy Alina: ⁓ yeah. ⁓ yeah. Sina Ganster: And the man, that's not the man's It's not the man's a yes, that's maybe one of your paths but the man can be so much more. He can a career man. Alina: But only to the relapse. Men get children to the relapse. Sina Ganster: What do you by that? ⁓ Men get children so they can... Alina: Erben. Sie brauchen Erben. Sina Ganster: I think, you what they are about? They just to reproduce Alina: Yes, but also to the family inheritance a bit, because otherwise you have nothing of it. It's somehow about living in the world forever, I don't know. But yes, I also think... Sina Ganster: Mm. Yeah, yeah. Alina: I think it's great if this whole issue of children wouldn't always be the shoulders of one person or a couple. If it really bit. Because then, I think, many women could consciously decide against because they say, I'm my life the it is and I don't to then I also say, okay, I could myself as a child, maybe even independent of a man, I don't to married or anything, but just to be, don't know, a mini-me in the world. yeah, I would, I always that I would it's cool, because smart, cool women, cool power women, if they the world. And just living it so cool, what kind cool mothers they are. Sina Ganster: She would be the best mother ever. Because completely in life, she knows what she wants and it's so important that can alone, she's independent. She would such a great role model. Of I that she doesn't to I understand that, but she would be a great mom. Alina: ⁓ man, Yeah. Mm. the list. Sina Ganster: So she would be a great... Or what do Maybe she doesn't feel Maybe doesn't feel like it and I don't if she a great mom, but she would great role model for a strong, self-confident woman or for a strong young man. she a son. Alina: Yeah. And I think in the end, to it round and to appreciate it, they are also great aunts. They are just great aunts. Sina Ganster: Very, totally, totally. And I her story and for me it was also like... I am now... You just have different paths that you can And you make different decisions. My path led me to Spain with a great man and I now a daughter. But I would her path full. So that's also realistic path for me. Alina: Yeah. Mm. Sina Ganster: that I would have said if the right partner hadn't come around corner, that I would start a career and I my life just as Alina: Yes, definitely. Children, partners, I know. You're really looking forward to a partner and stuff like that. As if you needed I think this topic is more present than the topic Because... Hanna, or my child, I just felt like I wanted But I've never so crazy about it, I have to say. So I wasn't that crazy about my Vita. But this partner... Sina Ganster: So I found it totally appealing. Mm-hmm. Hmm. Alina: that I'm I'm a victim I'm actually a bit... I don't know. As if I a goal. That's a bit... not healthy. I know, not healthy. But it's something I'm at the When I tell myself, okay, Alina, that's not right. Sina Ganster: Yeah. Yeah, but it's okay. You have this desire that you... If you just this desire and it didn't work out it's okay to disappointed. So I would say if that's what you want for your life, it's okay to these feelings. whatever. you can ask yourself where this wish for this wedding really comes Also what you said at that we women are brutally influenced by it. With every film from the 2000s or 90s in a wedding. And men's films... not really. Alina: Yeah. Yeah. I doesn't hippie. Hmm, yeah safe. Ja, geile Story. Mag ich. Sina Ganster: Yeah, I it was cool. Okay, then we're done. Thanks for listening and I would say we'll you in the next episode. Goodbye! Alina: Mm-hmm. Bye!