Sina Ganster: Hello, hello, wir sind zurück. Es ist wieder soweit. Es gibt eine neue Folge von Nicht Dein Typ Frau. Hi Alina, schön, dass du da bist. Alina: Hi, guten Abend. Sina Ganster: Good evening. We always the episodes in evening, because we are both working. And we lot of And then we for in evening. But I think we are really well. I just an espresso in Your little Simpeth. Alina: We have a perfect timing. Wow, Okay. This bed. But I have a sleeping tea here, I want to I think we have a different rhythm here. Sina Ganster: Super! But you know, I'm tired. We've an hour ahead us. Alina: Yeah, the last one is a follow-up. I don't all the time. We talk most of time. Sina Ganster: Yeah, sehr gut. Und wie geht's? Was gibt's Neues? Alina: Good luck. Well, the summer is over in Germany, at least little bit, briefly. On time for May 1st? Yes, it was nice. ⁓ Yes, it Sina Ganster: Really? Yeah, have you done something? Something a little bit outside? Alina: Yeah, a lot of going The city is always full of festivals and stuff. It's cool. But do you that Spain? Sina Ganster: Very cool. Festivals! Alina: No, the first of You It's a German holiday, right? Workday, I guess. Sina Ganster: Yes, we have it too and it's also the of work here. I think it's almost international. And you have lot of and stuff, but most people use it as a day. And all bridge days been really brilliant We always had Thursday, Friday, bridge days. Alina: Ach ja. Sina Ganster: We it again, we went to Carlos' village and spent the weekend there. It's really cool. When I'm Carlos' it's really stereotypical Spanish. It's really just about food. We cook all and eat. Alina: Mm. That's good. Sina Ganster: And then we talk then we think about to cook then we cook again, maybe we also some in and then eat again. that three days. That's really the number one It's worth podcast episode. Alina: Okay. Sina Ganster: in another podcast, how much more the cultural differences are and how funny it to be as a German. But now after six years or seven years in Spain, I'm already used to I emigrated. Integrated, emigrated, I don't know how to say it. Alina: I think I can that wrong now, but I would say you into the family. I'll for Sina Ganster: In the family I definitely integrated, but I the Spanish culture a bit internally and how it all works. Alina: Beautiful! Yeah, cool! I'm Sina Ganster: You would. Was gibt's sonst noch? Alina: Mmm, actually not. No, I have work ahead of me. Quite a lot. No, it's a classic weekend where a lot is on. You start on Thursday, then you Friday, Friday was May 1st, you celebrate the whole day on May 1st. Saturday you get a little bit of That doesn't here. We used That doesn't here. So here it's more like... Sina Ganster: That's so boring. Have you a My Tour? Is that really something? Alina: rather locally, so that you use the day off for events, there are demos, that's we do. And then there are different places where music is offered We just We also football tournaments by friends, that was funny. A village football tournament, that's cool again. But otherwise, I just the time with friends and now I'm this week and I somehow Sina Ganster: Hmm. Alina: You can when you a short week behind and a new week starts. It's always like, I still so much work ahead me. That's what on in my head. What do I to do? I try to sort out on Mondays. Now our listeners know it's Monday. Sina Ganster: Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely overwhelming. We won't on monday. I have to edit first. But really, I want to come to the MyTour. I for ages. We're from the Saarlath, I think we said that point. That we MyTours and somehow I now. So I always it was really cool with a little and a box. Alina: Hmm. Sina Ganster: And you're always... yeah, slid We a lake around the corner. Alina: That's right. think this a bit like the men's day, where a lot of go hiking. But it's also like... Well, it's not like that the was men who hiking. And the May hike... Right, right, that's what men's day Sina Ganster: ⁓ that's the father's day, The father... And do the women something? Alina: Well, now it's not being separated But the Women's Day is also very high here. I didn't know from us either. Here is the Women's Day and it's also celebrated much. No, the Women's Day is the 8th March. Sina Ganster: Okay. Muttertag, Oh, yes, yes, exactly. No, he is, well, he is a huge topic in Spain. Spain is also very feminist. Yes, so I'll say everything that I... No, in Saarland. But here in Spain it definitely celebrated very, very much. And in Saarland, I didn't even know when I was completely subdued. Alina: Hmm? Cool. I'm silent here, Nick. Yeah, exactly. But that's May-vacation was always funny. We always with everyone. And the end we in a lake. It was always a lake, where you up with clothes. Yeah, it was always like that. That was cool. Yeah, definitely. Sina Ganster: Yes, Yes, ⁓ Alina: Make your own MyTour! Sina Ganster: So it is. Okay, would say enough small talk. Enough small talk. Let's with the stories. I have out a few really cool ones. Let's go! Alina: Hmm? Sina Ganster: Okay. My husband cheated me a long-time girlfriend. I've for 13 years. 6 years of relationship and 7 years of marriage. A month ago I found out that he me a girlfriend, whom he since school. She lives in another state. He told that would go away to a ski course. When he came I found out that he flew to her He first rejected but when I him the flight books, he finally agreed. He claims that they would have only by message for and that would have first meeting. He insisted that they only kissed and did not sleep When I asked him to write to and the relationship immediately, he refused. He said he wanted to say goodbye because she the last friend he still a real connection with. He the message the next morning. He wrote to that I learned and that he decided to with me. The worst thing is, she is married and is having an open marriage. And to it even more I met her a about six years ago when she visited us. I told him that I would and I didn't my family or my girlfriend. But with time, the anger eats up. Every time he his phone in the thought that he is I ask myself permanently if I can trust him or if this marriage can still be And then is something else. Before I about the we had agreed to to his home country later to be closer to his family. This woman lives in the state country, very close to the place where we would I am 38 and we have no children yet. I am afraid that if I to divorce, I will panic that I find someone who treats me again and that I alone and lonely How can I believe that they only kissed when he for three days? Should I transfer at all? How do I this oppressive fear and uncertainty of future? I every advice or every perspective. Poo! ganz schön viel. Alina: Yeah. Bye. Yeah, let's sort them So they're going to the federal state where his... Sina Ganster: So let it this first of they 13 years... Yes, that too. They are 13 years together. He started an affair with a former school friend, with whom he supposedly wrote by text. And then he somehow flew to a supposed ski trip. It turned out, whatever, that he didn't to this ski trip, but to her. Alina: Fairly good. Hmm. Sina Ganster: and apparently she forgives him. And it out that they plan to to this woman. Alina: Hmm. Okay ⁓ Sina Ganster: I would say let's with the affair. Alina: Sina, I think I to a short cut now. Because that's basically what happened me recently. I don't know if I talk it now. Sina Ganster: Oh shit, sorry Alina, I didn't to do that. Alina: I know, but can't stand and talk about the affair if I mean... Sina Ganster: This is it. Na super viele so Affäre-Stories. Alina: because that's... I know, I know, but that's all a bit... A few weeks ago it all came and boiled up and now there's a huge thing, bit of a... Sina Ganster: Did notice? Alina: They separated, The two of Sina Ganster: Hmm. Alina: And she was... she always said she was done with him, She said And now two ago I had somehow with him, that's what we talked time. And then he came back and said he wanted to talk her and on and so forth and wanted to go with me. And because he on Christmas, I remember that I said he wants to go away Sina Ganster: Hmm. Alina: And then I just said, as he imagined, that I drive with or something like that or that we keep or something like that. And I just said, I'm not with you if he doesn't talk it or something like that. general, that he her again, with his ex-girlfriend. So and then he to her, but somehow only after my birthday and so on. was such a terrible thing. And so... Sina Ganster: Yeah, I can. Alina: It was unfair because he didn't talk to her I was already he it after my birthday because he wanted with me. One day he talked her about He we just kissed. I know, that's I can't say... Sina Ganster: Alter, sorry, krass, weil das, das ist krass, weil das jetzt grad echt superfolie parallele ist. Alina: The stupid cow, it just doesn't Or him, or no idea. Well, and the thing is, that she just thought, it can't be that I want him to talk her if we just kissed or something. And then she came and said, Alina, me what was So then I told that we, yes, that there was more. Sina Ganster: Mm-hmm. Alina: And then she told me that he was sleeping If I knew that. Sina Ganster: Alina, he's a liar. He's fucking liar. No joke. He treats you like shit. Alina: Yes, Sina, I know that. Yes, okay. Sina, you have to tell that now. I that. I'm just about to break with okay? I don't to hear that he's an asshole because I know that. But it's just that I in a situation where the woman in me and tells by know that he's still sleeping me. Of which I thought it's been half year. So, ergo, I'm just in this situation. Sina Ganster: Yeah. Yeah. Alina: No, you don't know. Sorry, you've never And definitely doesn't me to say that it's a dick. I understood but I'm just in this situation And I to somehow deal it mean, you and I, we're least half-way cool and we agreed that he's an asshole, but... I can't stand up and say that the long-time girlfriend is stupid or he is stupid or whatever. Sina Ganster: Yeah, I understand that the story is too intense, it's too... Alina: That's just crazy. You know? That's just... crazy. I mean, I didn't even with him anymore. It was really over. But to realize that it going on is just... not that great. Sina Ganster: He's a notorious liar. Sorry, but it's like that. When you told me I thought it just another Toschi case. He's always to expose Even if he out of this thing everything... If you a relationship with him if he'd I'll the decision, and it would like that... You'd with a guy like that. Alina: Yeah, I was... Sina Ganster: The trust base is not there. Now it's just come that he just... That's probably just the tip of the iceberg. Who knows? Maybe he has a third Maybe he's still tinkering the Alina: know that. Sina, thanks. I got it. So we don't to bash me that I'm somehow... that I'm a guy again... Yeah, what's going on I've this whole process, you know? I've this whole lying process and I don't really to... Sina Ganster: I'm looking at him, not you. Yeah. Alina: I'm not really... I about time that he's liar. I know it. I know it. I got really wrong about someone I thought he finally understood And he just it in, that it's... ...not to hurt is a topic. But that help me, that I already it. So it's just like, he's a notorious liar, he's this, he's that, and on. It helps me more like... Sina Ganster: Yeah, I trust you. Yeah. Yeah. Alina: Hey Alina, sorry that this happened and you will find yourself and it will get better. Something helps me. As far his case is completely in the I everything to last detail. Sina Ganster: I know. Yeah, I know. Alina: Das weiß ich. ⁓ It's like you're for so long, or you're so long that you talk and explain and think he'll it at some point and that he'll it done ⁓ Sina Ganster: motherfucker. Alina: to over my dignity? I can't believe it. I can't believe I was so wrong. So yeah, maybe end I the shitty human knowledge and stuff, but... What should I Sina Ganster: No. I think you have... I don't Too much trust. For me it's the opposite, which is also not good. For me one sentence and nobody has messed up I have to tell For example, at Toshie's he one two sentences to me. I it so shameless. He was on my death list. Alina: Yeah, but... Sina Ganster: That was... that was so... I found it so strange. But that's not good because I'm so radical then. And I think if I single tomorrow, would probably never find because I a brutal high demand. And if someone makes just one misstep with me, he'll out I have such a... I don't anything else do me I'm 10.000 times more likely to than by some dumbass. Everyone gets one chance. One, no two, no three. And if someone comes up to me and tells shit like, I wrote to another one or the ex-girlfriend and blah blah, I'd say, here's the door. I don't want it. And you're someone who's super understanding and... who discusses and talks. I'm more of a who's full of and full of... ...motherfucker. So both are not good. Maybe you bit too much trust and I have too little trust. Alina: Yeah, no idea. There are some patterns, it's hard to tell. But it doesn't Sina Ganster: But you're working so well on it. Alina: No, I'm not in mood to work Sina Ganster: No, but basically you're already on yourself. mean, you've been in therapy you've on things with Toshie and stuff. That's all work. Alina: I'll in three weeks. Sina Ganster: Okay, I would say... ...the second story. Alina: Wir machen weiter. Mm-hmm. Sina Ganster: The second story is about pregnancy and body changes. The third story is about divorce lawyers. It's about separation, but it's more general. Alina: We won't the same text again. Okay. Breaking up is not the problem. My problem is this girlfriend who has with the man of a girlfriend, which is not complete So it was never really a girlfriend at end of the day. It wasn't but I can't right now. Sina Ganster: Yeah. Alina: I know, but that's I have to... I have to... No, but I wanted to spread and I don't want it her and then I up and say, fair with the guy from her girlfriend, that's not possible and so on. would I would terribly disappointed. Sina Ganster: Yeah. Alina: No, just it. That's good. Just start shooting. Sina Ganster: Okay. I'll just do the second episode now. Okay, cut! Let's Why don't learn how much pregnancy and birth can our body forever? Physical, mental or even sexual. I am a mother of three children and my youngest is just one year old. I had only three pregnancies. Alina: Mm-hmm. Sina Ganster: But now I'm realizing that this is my body. Now. The I look has changed. My intimate area looks different and I think I might have a depression. I'll to the doctor soon. Nobody told me that this could happen. Not at school, not in a really honest way before I children. Why don't you teach us that motherhood is your identity? your mental health, your relationships and even the shape of your body can change I wish someone had told me how deep it goes, because I'm just starting to the whole extent of it. Alina: What is a depression? Sina Ganster: Good question. think it's a birthmark reduction. I didn't check Reduction... wait, I'm it. Alina: I thinking if this anything with incontinence. Sina Ganster: Yeah. A reduction after birth is a frequent consequence of extreme stretching of the ligaments and the pelvic floor muscles. Typical symptoms are a heavy or pressure feeling in vaginal area, also pain and bladder weakness. This is caused by specific re-education gymnastics within 12 weeks. Symptoms often include a lumpy feeling in the vulva, a pulling in the back or lower body, as as heavy feeling in the pelvis. Causes, especially vaginal births, severe children, as well as a weakness ligament, facilitate a reduction. Alina: Hmm. Sina Ganster: I think I've of before, but because it didn't affect I didn't it. But yes, I think it's really of reeducation gymnastics. But yes, to to the point, I can understand her. I myself that too. Alina: Mm-hmm, yeah. It's crazy. Everything changes. It's crazy. I remember standing in of the mirror and thinking, this is not my My whole body. My chest was not mine, my belly was not mine and I want to start That was not my thing. It was all strange. It felt really strange. Crazy. Sina Ganster: Yeah, total. Alina: And I Incontinence has almost nobody. I I'm lucky too, but I also think that I've And I notice that when I'm not that focused. And I a lot of Sina Ganster: Yes, I was actually in a fitness studio for pregnant where we lot of pelvic floor muscles, so a lot of And also after birth I had a re-education gym and I think it my ass that everything was really okay with would say. Of course, body changes, but it was... The belly is no longer the same, the breasts are no longer the same, so I totally agree and depending on pregnancy, the physical changes are already extreme and after three pregnancies I can imagine that this an extreme extent. But she doesn't just talk about her physical changes what I very exciting is the question she asks. Why don't me all this? So I have to say, when I pregnant, I had a knowledge about pregnancy and birth which was basically zero. I to from 0.0 and I was by many people. What will happen What will I of after and during in the district hall. and nobody tells you that before. So it's kind of sad that I'm first time how a birth is how these months of pregnancy have which is like... after birth, so for example that you extreme bleeding after birth, that you can't get that you a huge wound that as big as a plate in your body, so the placenta that dissolves. These all things, and could 10 or 20 more where I've never heard anything before. And I ask myself, Where should we something like For example, school or... I didn't let's say, knowledge-wise, mean, have a good school education, you and I, we both a degree, I traveled I would say I'm a world-famous guy who a lot or something, but as a woman, a 0.0 knowledge threshold. And I sometimes is that intentional? Because if they would tell everything, what's going on and how crazy that would and what consequences that for you, your body first of also mentally, sexually and so on, if maybe even more women would against pregnancy and if that would just be I don't know. Alina: It could be. I think that's... I've all of this... Well, maybe I'll I've birth, hypnobirthing and stuff that. What happens to the body and stuff. But I lot time before I was at my pregnancy... mean, was corona and pregnancy and corona, that doesn't so well. Or rather, there had to a lot at So I lot of birth preparation. That's where described what actually happened in age of So why was the topic of turned into a carpet and now it's being brought up. So that's from the times of Middle Ages when no medical care, not even pregnant women, to, I think, Katharina the Great, who somehow insisted on getting her painkillers under birth, which was somehow... was intended for So were alone. It was like a knowledge between... among women. What was under themselves. then... I think that has a lot to with this body positivity movement, which we now, that we talk I now only hem-cells are I think that we have now, or what we had let's this I our mothers really access to So, of the internet and so on, also that women talk more about each other, how it them during birth. For me, was happy to positive things. Because I I've always lot of negative Sina Ganster: Mmh, absolut. Alina: I don't want too over birth control, but we are talking about what it to the body and why nobody says I think 4-Sharp. Hmm. Stimmt, Recht. Ja. Sina Ganster: And many people still to talk it If you're in the next room, with your mother or your girlfriend, more more people about Thank you. But if you to a period birth is a completely different thing. It's much more hardcore. I to say, what comes out of you and how it all works. And if you can't about the period, how do you want to a birth or talk for example in school or in a show or whatever. And yes, there... Alina: Hmm. Hmm. Mm. Sina Ganster: something so slowly with this body positivity plus the women are getting stronger so they are just more for their topics means they are standing for periods for period pain that talked about it is not so shaming anymore and they are also talking openly about the topic of and take up the space Alina: Hmm. Sina Ganster: But we are still very far away from that it's all to saloon-like and that everyone knows that. As I the year 2025, I had exactly zero plans age What's coming me. had to, well, only when I pregnant, I was like that. I also it super interesting, also the whole, this development from a child, this embryo development to, to, Alina: Yeah, that's definitely something I Yeah. And that's what you in school. We definitely When you got involved it, you or how you pregnant and so on, think that's also a bit reminder for What was there in biology class? When does an egg cell Where? And things that. I think that's a bit Sina Ganster: Okay, maybe I slept there. That's true. But honestly, Alina, maybe it in the 6th or 7th maybe two weeks. Two weeks means four or five It's not like you're getting second world war where you've top to bottom. You know a lot. If you for two weeks... Alina: Mm, sure. Hm, yeah, that's Sina Ganster: I think out on a of and I said, you remember lot things. If you a bio-performance course or studied Alina: I think that's also... I mean, I would think other things that should have space in But I think that also has... I think in sixth seventh grade, how old were we? 13? 12? 13? I don't know, if he me something about pregnancy time, I would have been completely in the children's shoes. don't know. I think had other things in mind. Sina Ganster: Ja, klar. Young. Alina: I don't I to pregnant. Sina Ganster: Yum. Alina: I think the focus on prenatal Yes, could later, but I was about what I thought about my body when Because somehow you know little bit about your mothers, but... There are also these media that show you the most X Victoria's Secret model, who like two weeks. You know? Even if I royal families, I'm a gala reader when I'm the waiting room at the doctor's. And all look like they're their world. The pregnancy is always so different Except, think the first one that was really shown was Megan Markel back then. She showed bit that she was really bad after pregnancy. But talks about postpartal depression or anything. They are all... Sina Ganster: Ja, oder Damres, oder keine Ahnung. Alina: Yes, for God's Yes, correct. Nobody will you because won't any children. Sina Ganster: that the vagina can change, that you incontinent, that you a depression, that sex can painful, that you a lack of pleasure. And then we this whole topic of post-portal depression, weekly bed topics. But think that's still something that can on a psychological level. There is course a of shaming about but I think it's really important to name how a woman's changes and what a birth really looks like. Nobody will you And maybe it's good that nobody tells I don't want to it's good, but imagine who would a video like a brother. Maybe I have said I don't children. It's just too much Alina: It's how everyone it. ⁓ Sina Ganster: Because it's women's Because it's a women's and about women's issues they are not being exposed and also, let's say, women feel they are being little bit the table. In the past it like, she's getting dressed, the women and whatever. I am convinced that a man could this pain. So probably in the end, but... Alina: Yeah. Yeah. Sina Ganster: But they are already hardcore and I think alone a regular period of pain. What did you want That is also pain... I don't know how to call it. It's a pain relapse of a period where they at level 2 and the woman doesn't until level 9 and thinks, is that normal? Alina: you Yes, Something like Yes, think there some tests and stuff that. But yes, I think we into a break-in phase. And I think I would... Well, what are What do you your daughter later? Think before you get that this and that can to your body. I don't know. Well, probably yes. But you don't want to scare her either. Sina Ganster: I definitely... yes, of I mean, can't blood and I'm not someone who's looking some sick medical stuff, like operation or something. I couldn't a doctor or something. But I think I would, when she's in teenage years, try to some readings, which, for example, let's say, she knows what's in her birth. And like a... Alina: Mm. Sina Ganster: how looks and just little bit knowledge about It doesn't have be such a detailed knowledge, but as I said, no knowledge at And yes, it's just like a topic that you don't talk You don't about the period and you don't about births. Of as I said, we've it ten times now, is a change. But we're not where we should go yet. Nobody talked it but I have to change Alina: But a voice like hers, that's already beginning. Or a progress. That she says now. Sina Ganster: Absolutely, we will it. Alina: Hm? Auf jeden Fall. Sina Ganster: Okay. Then we jump to next story. Cut. Alina, I thought we already in the first episode, that we didn't show off Maybe I'll take at what in the first episode. Then you the story, but then we can just use Let's take look. Alina: Hmm? Sina Ganster: blah blah blah. history. Okay, that was the story. I don't know if you remember it. The woman to her husband that he should look after the child. Alina: Yeah, okay. Die haben wir wohl verrissen, oder wie war das? Das war zu weit ausgeholt. Sina Ganster: on a com. The whole episode was a bit unstructured, but it was okay. Alina: Yeah, that was the second one, Hmm? Something like that. Sina Ganster: That was the second story. And think what you said was like, I would my child sleep but that's also completely unrealistic, because you don't at your child You go out of the room when the child is asleep. Alina: But then I noticed where is the baby phone in the story? That was the thing. But it makes sense to design It can... I'm not that crazy Sina Ganster: or Babyphone. We use them all. There, there I can now. Okay, no more. Yeah. Okay. Cut! I am this article as a fan for myself. I just overwhelmed. It's about that. I am from a surgery and saw my husband praying to our daughter six who in her bed. She was not for her baby, so I asked her to check if she was awake and see if she was cold. He went and was maybe 30 seconds away. I didn't it was long enough, but he said it was all right, just go He went downstairs to something to and I decided to go upstairs and watch myself, because my fear didn't let down. When I into room, I a hoarse noise. I went to bed and she lay with her face down. Of I panicked and turned her around. Her lips were blue. She didn't up and the coughing had stopped. I took her up, tapped her on the back and screamed for my husband. At some point she got some air and started screaming. I still a ambulance and she was to the hospital. Fortunately, she's fine. The doctors said she probably over her face and the mattress partially her breathing. With every breath she became flatter and started to suffocate. She would not have woken but she was long enough without oxygen to noticeable damage. We were told to note of possible development delays, But they didn't want to traumatize because she is really fine. She is safe at home and does not sleep without a caretaker. And the only thing I all the time is why he didn't really her. He must this hoarse. It was so loud. If he had really looked if she was in bed or she was he would have seen that she was face If I to my fear, she have I work to my fear control my life, but thank God I her Every time I my husband, I contempt. I don't even to see Our baby could have died I want him to get to her. Of I that bother me. He is her father. But I just can't get over how close she to death. Because of his negligence. Is it really that hard to into a child's I feel bad when I him. I don't know how our relationship should ever recover from Yeah, it's a totally intriguing story because we both... I really little baby and I my baby phone next to my laptop. And of you have... your daughter is a little older, but you know this whole topic. And maybe for the listeners who don't a baby yet, it's like... especially very small babies, to sixth month or so, always on backs and not on their stomach with their face down because then the risk is too high that they can't breathe and suffocate and there is also very big connection with the sudden death of There are definitely many children who died of sudden child death, they were in a stomach condition. That's you definitely connect And that's really something the doctor always tells you, that you the child on your stomach. At some point, turn on their Then you can't control But then they're strong enough to move and turn But in the beginning, child can't his head up his And he's against the mattress, it under certain Yeah. Alina: But still I'm I first of think this moment when you up the child and he already blue lips and doesn't anymore, oh god. So I I just thought for a moment, oh shit, how good that this phase is And I would definitely be angry at him because of I found her then, or I as a mother, or the mother found her Sina Ganster: Albtraum. Alina: And I be, I think, if it was I would at everyone who it opinion. Definitely. And yes, as you say, yukien and so on, there is also really uncountable literature, not too many things in the world and ... I don't know, was somehow ... That's there sleep bags that shouldn't too big, because they could over your face and ... 1000 billion things because the children simply can't move and in doubt simply can't free from a miserable situation. Nevertheless, I'm not so... maybe we can talk it how you see it, but somehow I keep how this situation was because it turned on the stomach. Sina Ganster: Hmm, apparently, yes. Alina: Because she was probably on her back. That's the doctors described that she was found but she wasn't laid That means the parents didn't anything wrong. Except that I wonder how they should have And if the cow was so loud, why didn't they through the baby film? These questions I'm asking now, because I somehow... I can't really imagine what the situation was The was in a different room. I mean, the situation was... Sina Ganster: Yeah. Alina: I mean, look at the children to if they're still alive. think when they're so small, they still their chest I think every walk or something that, billion times. So it's really like that, as soon as they're a little bit in that kind cloth, even when they're so close to bodies, you look at really often to if everything okay. And that she wanted him to look now, I can't completely understand. Sina Ganster: You Ich guck immer. Ja. Alina: The situation is not 100 % clear. Hanna was always on the side, since she was very small. Also in our bedroom. But she wasn't always with us. And then the phone... I think you every sound. I don't know. Sina Ganster: Yeah. Hmm, I think it's really a chain of unfortunate coincidences. It seems like they put it on their back. I would very surprised if they on their back. I would also very surprised if they a baby phone. And the child must have somehow, I don't know, around. Somehow it moved. And doesn't that every child around on their belly, that it suffocates. Alina: Hmm. Yeah. Sina Ganster: It's just the risk of higher. And I think you can't just... Yes, exactly. I think there's no one to for this situation. It's really just an unfortunate coincidence. The child turned around and got into a terrible situation. That happens very rarely. And they apparently thought the baby wasn't good enough or they didn't hear it. Alina: But only if it sinks right? Nene. Sina Ganster: And it's not her fault, it's not the man's I get the partner The is in our bedroom, the crib. Babyphone is next to I'm living room, I'm watching a movie. I have my baby phone with me and then Carlos walks around me and I say often times, when I'm Carlos, can you quick look inside the room to if everything okay? But at totally random times. And then he says, oh, Sina is fine, she's What could be? She's asleep, we haven't heard And then I please, can you quick look? And he at and I say, yes, she's And I always look in between. But you can't just and at this child. And yes, theoretically it could... So it's just totally unfortunate coincidence that he was a little bit... maybe little because he three times that he looks after a child and actually never is and what should be. And then he probably said, yes, everything is And then she was like... Thank that case, she heard little bit her fear and looked again. And then it was actually totally shocking that actually something that didn't really make And yes, the one hand, I totally grateful that she her fear at that moment and that we this story here that the child is So, for God's sake, I am totally relieved. the other hand, what do you with I can't trust it. I always to afraid. Because normally you have to take some distance. I'm here in another room right My daughter is sleeping in the bedroom and I trust that everything fine I have the baby phone and when I here look at her That's not healthy either. As I I'm glad she watched. But for me it's all very very unfortunate coincidences. And I would also that I very pissed off at my partner. Because when I said, okay you didn't look and you're almost dead because of her death. So that something really bad would I would be incredibly angry. It's a really crazy trick But it's nothing Alina: Yeah. Sina Ganster: What you can't work because I it hardly as failure from him. I see it... I've you ten times, I see it as really unlucky coincidence that something really didn't work How do you it? Alina: I there is... I think... yes, I was just thinking, there is... It's like you say, you learn to trust. In the end we always take a risk with certain small steps, autonomy, which we to the children. And that starts with such small things. That's always this process de-nabbing that you have the life of the children ⁓ And you have to to It's not possible. It's not otherwise. You have to. You can't always behind. It just And yes, it's definitely a chain of events. That's true. And they can that too. Hmm... I just a idea. Ah, right. So, there is... Do you have a baby from where you the child? Sina Ganster: I don't one with noise. I don't know, think it's a bit too much to the kids all the I know everyone has but I 10€ at Vinted. Alina: I that Sina Ganster: For me it that I thought, I grew with these baby phones where you have all this noise and somehow I think the baby a bit of privacy. Can't the sleep without being so, I know, completely watched? Imagine someone hacking into the thing, that's a completely different topic. I haven't yet, but also from my side. Why do you the child all the time? Alina: Okay. is Yeah. I think a huge point is the distance. I think we are now in apartments that on one floor. And think if there another floor in then you about it differently. Because whether I up now to see if the child is asleep or whether I a quick look is of course more I think it's a bit like that. We the baby from then because we were even so crazy, we only the door open. Sina Ganster: Mm. Mmm, good. Alina: and our heads that we said, open the door if something happens. Because we didn't have a baby at Sina Ganster: Yeah, we did but we were annoyed that we had to quiet and now we just a movie or something. We close the living room door and watch a movie or whatever. It's bit more Alina: Exactly. And I think there are just in the life of a child where something happens and you think, oh, God, well again. So whatever. So that the child has never anything or it somewhere and it didn't that bad or it still on time and so on. A lot of things where you just again and oh, Thank you. And I think, between the partners, where you know, hey, if you could little more then that wouldn't have happened. I'm talking about smaller things. And at that moment, exactly, he didn't really cough and the coughing could have later. That didn't that moment. And that's I to say, I would definitely be angry too. simply for natural reasons, because you worry and your worries confirmed. That's just the Sina Ganster: And he lied He obviously didn't look at and he her and I got mad Alina: Maybe he did look. Maybe he just looked Sina Ganster: I It could be. She says she doesn't believe She said he would have looked, he would have definitely heard the squeaking. Because it very loud and it seems like a while. She in at the last moment and came a minute after him. Yes, could be. Alina: as- Well, but he looks, comes back and then down. And think the meantime, Discoition could have developed. So I to little bit aware that he's not completely incompetent. So, yes, I just he's really, as you say, three times and never noticed And then he again briefly. Sina Ganster: Yeah. Alina: He didn't hear mean, two breaths. And babies breathe super flat. So what he really didn't do, to go and see how she was lying. And really, maybe the classic, I'll a moment, breaths, how the chest is and lowering. That's I've always done, at least. So yes, I just didn't to so judging. In that case. Sina Ganster: Hmm, no. No, everything's fine. Yeah. Okay, we as friends? Alina: I think they have to work You say it yourself, worked and so on, somehow she has to forgive him. And would good if she forgives him. And really just look that maybe he will certainly also bad. So if not, then we have a bigger problem. But I think for him it's bad And I think there's a ... There are really lot of advice positions. Sina Ganster: He will probably always look That was last time, so it happened He will probably... Yeah. So if he goes Alina: Mm. Because if he didn't he would problem with But there are many advice points that in moments like that just worrying. And it's not a dad style. We're talking about the child almost dying. That's not a very common situation. It's not that the child off the cliff and dad didn't take And it hurt. It's bit more Sina Ganster: I don't Mmm. Yeah, yeah. Yes, it's definitely crazy. But I see it you. I think that it necessarily have that the relationship breaks. And I think that you... I would definitely get two or three sessions with a couple of advice or with counseling. Alina: you Sina Ganster: and the money and this story so that she a few perspectives opened up and I think then they could definitely hold it because I see it part of their Yes, if that's possible, better. Perfect. Alina: I are also free family consultations. Sina Ganster: Okay, let's the story. Alina: Okay. Let's go. Sina Ganster: Okay, let me take look. I'm afraid that this trigger Mm-mm-mm. This for stories from the first... ⁓ Hmm. Let's just try it. And you say it's too crazy, then let's another Because it's also relatively short. But now it's already... It's also... As I said. Okay. A divorce lawyer gave me advice that hit And I wanted to share She said to everything. Alina: Okay. Sina Ganster: What you in dating phase comes back ten times harder Let's put for If you from red flags and think to I can already, or that's out, then you it. These things don't They become mostly louder and more toxic especially under the pressure that a marriage and life bring together. Her last sentence is what really with me. Don't the potential. Marry what's of you. I this advice in my own past and I wished I hadn't done Now ask myself, do you that too? Have you ever experienced that red flags disappear or they or even worse? And for those of you who are divorced, have you dating record? Alina: Are there to the story? I'd love to them. Sina Ganster: Okay, let's check. Good point. Okay. Yes, first answer is 100 % accurate. I ignored it. I the red flags and I'm for it What So are Man, this couldn't be more true. It's a lesson learned the hard way. I'm in the same boat. Same. Same. I was blinded by what I thought was my forever love, my happily ever after. Same here, same. Let me see if I can Alina: The that they have also red flags before, that they have or that it has badly. So I would in the story, whether it really an answer that someone has his pattern and then better. Because that's just ... Sina Ganster: How did it? So have to say... Alina: Yeah. Sina Ganster: I so. All the friends I had before showed me problems on, and I ignored them and continued Alina: Hmm? Hmm? Sina Ganster: It didn't improve and it got worse. I Those trends I showed I personally can't... I didn't the experience that I somehow got of I could only imagine one situation where it gets out of hand and I think I have different girlfriends in the circle of And that is just very, very young relationships. I have girlfriends who are 21, 22, with their partner. They are still together, are 35, 36 they got married. And of course the relationship has over the 10, 15 years and they together. So when I ask them how it before, they say they had lot of children's that they were very jealous or maybe they were time. Toxic happened when they relatively young and now it's totally set that they are in their mid-30s totally know what they want, also that they want and that has totally outwitted. So I know but I definitely know from my perspective rather no story that I say now, the dates in the dating phase or already in the early phase happens incredibly much shit. Alina: Hmm. Sina Ganster: and are lot of red flags, lot of behavior and then they are in a relationship and two years later it I always think that a relationship has to smoothly. So if someone comes to and after two years relationship says that there one million problems... Alina: Hmm. Sina Ganster: and whatever, or after a year relationship, there are a thousand arguments and really serious things, I always see extremely little potential I think it's really exhausting, somehow, relationship becomes more exhausting after four or five years, that you have to work it, that everything is so fresh and preserved and whatever, but yeah, if there are a of red flags said... I don't see how get better. Alina: cloud. I think it depends a bit on age. I think really a bit... I don't know, dating in mid-30s is definitely different than dating in the mid-20s. Because everyone has to a certain of Some still the same suit as 10 years And others develop suit by disappointments and by... Sina Ganster: Yeah, sure. Alina: experiences, experiences, some even through fates, hits, through children they have, through separations they have through, a thousand things. And there it starts, how do you these topics? How do I my first relationship, which had with 18 or so? And how does that back into the next relationships? And some carry their topics with them, over and over again. and never get along with it. So it feels like it's a mountain mid-30s on topics that almost never get into your And I think if you... So now with mid-30s to find who it completely smoothly, I don't really care. I personally don't care either. Because I think if he even... Sina Ganster: Wieso nicht? Alina: Well, if he has no issues then nothing. If he doesn't say, hey, I've this that and I've this topic, or that and that, I want my next relationship. Some women, as well as men, feel overwhelmed when they their issues that they are working on or that have Communication is at a completely different level and it's not like, yes, it's... Sina Ganster: Yeah, but it's topics. It's topics. Everyone has topics. I also topics. But what red flags? That's the When someone comes and says, I have the topic with trust or something, if someone something, then I it's great that you talk it and then everyone has to decide that it's a red flag or it's not red flag for me. But I think Alina: The question is, what is smooth? ⁓ Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Hmm. Sina Ganster: If someone is doing something crazy at for example... I'll for example, always up on your weight. Or saying, you're now... Yeah, but that's a red flag. That's a red flag, for example. That someone says... Yeah, are a million red flags. Alina: Yeah, sorry, I meant, yeah. But too easy. I think that's crazy too easy. Because that's... Sina Ganster: It could also be that someone with an ex. That would be an absolute red flag that he's half in a relationship. ⁓ And then I think to will it better? I don't know. In two years... Alina: Yeah. Well, you have to set You set And that's what some people find Some people difficult. For me example, it's always difficult to set But to say, okay, there's a limit. There's no clarity, no security. I need certain things, I have to communicate And I relatively early And if there's that just me feel insecure, like example a ex who's still around a half-dressed or someone who just herself be and doesn't really report for example, I think that's of super crazy. Someone you know I can't rely now and the guy thinks I'll myself afternoon. You know? So I don't that. Sina Ganster: For example Yeah, or he's ghosting you or something. Yeah, so also a guy who has a... Fucked Alina: Someone who ghosted that... yeah. But I have to say, I've ghosted you know? So it's kind of like... I'm not... I just just as fair and give a certain time I say. And then I think just to those limits. And that's relatively at beginning, probably easier than later. Sina Ganster: Yeah. Alina: The earlier you start setting your boundaries and saying, okay, I need this, and don't that right now, the more you stay with yourself. Because women in my age who date have a lot more problems with giving up their standards and saying, okay, in my perfect everyday life, which is so tackled with high quality friends, high quality sport and job and hobbies and don't know, in a cool, tidy booth, To say that I'm to room for a man I'm he has to prove himself. He has to worth I'm talking about meeting I'm talking about getting a place. In sense of, I'll him with me That would be a huge step And I have to say... Sina Ganster: Yeah. Alina: That's just... Yeah, so you have and find the first thing you need. But somehow we're in the question. Because... Now we're about dating at mid-30s, but the question was originally what are red flags and whether they can when you get Whether there's who could ever dismantle Sina Ganster: I think so too. So the question is... good formulated. Alina: Also, wer hat das geschafft, das abzubauen? Und ich glaube... Sina Ganster: If... One of a Hailey Bieber, I don't Alina: Airways, Clover's. I don't know if I in detail, but I think know a man who did He his wife even if I lost and then years he had to her. And then he to prove himself. Sina Ganster: Hmm. Ja. Also sag ich mal so Beziehungssachen sind nicht geradlinig. Alina: I someone. And they were very young, I to say. So younger than we are Sina Ganster: Yeah, I think then you would just let but if you around the corner the skin, I'll 10 times Any comments that completely off or behavior that are completely off and then to say, well, then happens to many who say, well, he'll with time and it will definitely get better. And then says, these divorce lawyers. Alina: about. Hmm. Sina Ganster: Don't potential, marry what's of you. I think it's irrelevant And I'm with And I think I'm pretty good at it. Because I've for seven years now. Nothing happened But Carlos was my boyfriend. Alina: I about say, wow! ⁓ Sina Ganster: And I every friend do less with me and less redflex. And with Carlos I from my third friend when I met I was on the trip, but now nobody to me anymore. Before I back a relationship, everything perfect and I don't anyone anything with me I don't know if I lucky, but then Carlos came around the corner I got know Carlos also has topics, just like I We all have a past, we all have our struggles and whatever. But there was never a red flag. We didn't a red flag at the beginning, which we have now got of. There was never anything, and I wouldn't have let them So if someone have said something that didn't suit me at that wouldn't have happened. I just, or am I just, from my mindset, too self-loved that I say, my life only in who really me a value, who my life better and my life. And at same time, of course, to life, but definitely not something that me difficulties. Especially not in this phase of life, where I was with all the experiences I already had. So I just wouldn't have wanted to anymore. Sorry, have my battery right and it's going to be mine. Alina: I want to a question, so can it of me. But wasn't there also Carlos X in the At the beginning? Sina Ganster: Yeah. No, they were actually, well it was between us two. I was in a relationship and Carlos was in a relationship but they were, well was a struggle for us both, but we were both, I'd still in a relationship when we met. Alina: But you were further than him back He didn't say he couldn't and then after or something? There was something, Sina Ganster: Nah, as a bite. So first of all, there was definitely a and what I did was to tell him, to this shit. So he said, what he said, said, we can see how it develops now. And then I was super fucked up that he said how it develops, either we together or we are not together, I will definitely myself held So that was definitely a moment where I was fucked up. Alina: Hmm. Hmm. Hmm? Sina Ganster: I him a letter, but it was a bit dramatic, and I left. I said he didn't to call me, I wouldn't go there. And... definitely drew my own That's it. But I'm to cut here. Because that's... Alina: Hmm. I know, but I needed that for my understanding. Sina Ganster: Okay, and now I just said, okay, I have, uh, and cut. Alina: I think it's okay to a little bit And I think the older you get, the more stumbling blocks there Because think about I'm a man who doesn't have any children and then he me on the first dates that he children all. Then I would have to say away, well, then you're not a man for me But I think I... Sina Ganster: But you should say that away. You should that right away. Dude. Definitely. Alina: Yes, yes, of course. Of course I say But there also lot of gossiping out there. In the end can always... I am actually someone who good communicating. I always think, least when I communicate a clear attitude of then I just myself talk And better the guy can talk, the more... Yes, it also... I don't I don't to say... There are men who talk and don't know if they really mean what they say. And that's their No, look, you have a man that... Sina Ganster: I don't know Alina, think you... I think you're a of red flags, that's exactly what she's Alina: We don't want to into my personal topic right but maybe just say, I say, I say here at this point, there's a man who says he has a topic with children. I don't that's for me, etc. And I say, okay, then it's nothing for you. And then it's not. But he says... I've never really experienced it and I'm just a little scared and I don't really And if everything else is right, we'll start with this completely unrealistic point that everything else is great, but assuming that he feels for the topic and realizes that it's thing, which many men can who can never have any contact points with including many women. For I don't that much experience with other children. That he goes there and completely differently. I can imagine that. So that's why... Sina Ganster: Yeah, no, I totally agree with that. I totally agree with but then it's for me then but also no red flag at the beginning. At the beginning it would be a yellow flag, where I would He says, oh, children, I don't it's a bit weird. I don't that much to do with it. Then I would think, okay, we'll it all. So we'll see how it develops. But there is, if he would now, boy, children, I don't to, in I nothing to do with it, And then maybe there's no issue, then it's a red flag And then wouldn't think, okay, I'll him and some point he'll want children or he'll get with my daughter or something. That's where you say, okay, marry what's in front of you and not the potential. And what you just said is, as I a yellow flag where I say, okay, he's somehow like that. Alina: Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Sina Ganster: Indifferent and there still potential to closer look at how this develops. Alina: Yes, think it's a point where you can at certain things of And then you just to your limits. Because I'm not that perfect I'm like... I don't have into detail, but there are some points where I'm not that easy. And where I say that I have to a man. Because for me would a topic if the guy... I think he should celebrate that my daughter is That would be a great green flag for me. And would be what I would Sina Ganster: Ja, ich auch nicht. Alina: But are also many who act like they're child-friendly and aren't all. It's always this, I'm talking and how do I There's always a line in And when the Red Flex somehow communicates, but then actually looks completely different that's something to be weighed And I think you can little kind, but not forever. Because she really from Red Flex in dating to marriage. That implies in the text. If you date and he's not completely perfect I okay, I'm not either. And then you really to watch. Sina Ganster: Yeah, Yeah, it's just, you from a short-term relationship to a long-term relationship. That's more like So the beginning we date everything. But as I problems start to show then they won't get any better But then you to somehow... Maybe I'll it after the first six months, no. That's too many red flags and I don't in it. Alina: Genau, genau. Hmm. Sina Ganster: that if we a relationship for that it will That you suddenly, I know, more childish or... I don't know. Something else. Alina: Mm. Or you solve it right at the beginning. There are also stories where it easy Sina Ganster: Yeah, when it dissolves. Alina: But right at beginning. I think magic is the first... Well, no, have to change Sina Ganster: You can't change At the beginning you your best side. If you so many bad sides if I date and he comes up with so many weird things, I think, I'm anything with him. I'm out. But yeah, you're super communicative and you're super solution-oriented and I'm more of a Alina: Yeah. Sina Ganster: I'm more like, no, don't come near me, I don't feel like it. I'm more like, I think myself and I think even if I would be single today, I have no idea what the market looks like, but I would probably reject a lot of men. probably, maybe I will never find a boyfriend again or something because I don't accept no idea. But I'm definitely very... Alina: Hmm, yeah. Sina Ganster: Yeah, very picky when it men and what I like about them. And red flags and so on. But yeah, like I said, it's just little bit So maybe when I'm in that situation I'll different. But... I think we're basically... We're basically in Alina: I don't I'm still figuring Yeah. I think we fundamentally different, if you don't think so, you need to work out. No, I think it's just like that, you have to a limit. How do you about the guy? Do you good? Okay. Do you feel bad? Not okay. Actually, it's easy. Only sometimes you're more committed, adapted, well, over-adapted bit and that makes it difficult Because the... Sina Ganster: You Alina: the patience. How far am I ready to be What is my standard? What my minimum requirements? And then are those who bomb. There is this class. My Nazis are like the end. They do love bombing with you. They are great And then I think to if you shown me real face it would have helped So I would more. I have a problem. Sina Ganster: Yeah, Nazism is of course another topic, It's a liar. Alina: I have a topic, I have a problem, I this and that and I my past wrong, but I'm working on it. Or I worked it. Then you could also say, red flag. Or least yellow flag, but I almost say red flag. And then you really to think about whether you do or how you yourself to it that way. In the end, it's always a question of self-worth and of... how much I'm willing to and maybe I'm bit more Sina Ganster: Yeah. Alina: Maybe. Ask me in a months. I'll associate. Oh god. Sina Ganster: I think what's... We'll this out, okay? But I think what's topic is that you a partner. I think you this partner theme with you. So I would say, and you've mentioned it, that it's actually super present. And if you a partner... Alina: Mm-hmm. Sina Ganster: then you have to compromise a to achieve that. And when I at my Carlos because I didn't a boyfriend at and I wasn't in the mind space. Maybe that's I someone who really suited me. But if it suit me, that okay. I also with other friends, who I say... Yeah... Yeah, yeah... Alina: I also in a relationship It's a difference where you come from. It's a difference if you're... I had fewer relationships in my life and I was single time, think, overall than you. I would say that over my whole life. Where I say, yes, I want a partner but it was different when I left Robert too and I didn't want him So you that a little bit. And Robert was a heartthrob. He was super sweet. He was great. Sina Ganster: Yeah. ⁓ She about children anymore because she's over 40. But... Yeah, and that's... And actually the perfect mindset space is when you're 100 % perfect with your life and everything is perfect. And then there should be a guy who everything better. Than saying, okay, need a guy to complement Alina: Okay. Sina Ganster: I don't know if it's % on you, but... Alina: Most of them... No, it doesn't Because... difference is that I had all this and I myself out and found it myself. I my apartment, I have everything I need. Right? It's really not the topic But I also that it Thomas and me at some point. I don't know, we were friends. And suddenly it's not the friend I know or the buddy anymore, but he starts to change in the moment he starts to feelings because he's and such a binding fear that he starts to me something and then somehow play these games that are just crazy, for which there one billion reasons, but that are carried out on my neck in My biggest problem is why I thinking, or what do but why I still the feeling that I something special I probably am. But he doesn't what I need, and that's the problem. I think, okay, I'm good enough for him, so he has to accept But no, instead I'm not there and say, he didn't me what I need. Sina Ganster: Yeah. Alina: Because I don't really know what I need. Because I actually think I don't anything. So the only thing I really thought about was what this man actually me in retrospect. I thought originally we have a good time, we are friends, we a good time together. But that you then think you have to fuck me up to... to no risk or to on to because he can't let go but to the other. And I know what's going on in his head and his pattern. Super sick. And I he that to me because he knows who I am. And I for too long, okay, maybe it's different. Sina Ganster: Hmm. Alina: Honestly, we relationships long time. That was no longer a I already at the where I therapy. Nobody me anymore. And I I need. It's for to say that I need because I well that I don't need But I also don't know what I actually want. It's just like that. I know what I expect from Because I think that expectations don't keep me going. Sina Ganster: You can expect him to everything better in your life. But could that your life will and not deteriorated. Without worries or moments You just say, okay, I arrived I my apartment, my life, I'm with Hannah, I organized I my job and so on. And I'm here in balance and someone in Alina: I can't keep Yeah. Sina Ganster: and makes my life more I have more beautiful moments, I enjoy my life more, it makes everything better. And not... There is drama, everything is... It's more and so on. So one expectation could be unspecified and say, it makes my life better. Alina: Yes, but as I we stopped that was also where I noticed that it too much me and me too much into the crumbling because I these people anymore. That was the point where I said, I also have a responsibility. I also have a child. Yes. Yes. Sina Ganster: Yeah. You in with a lot of understanding. Sure, sure. And you're also the role model for her. What, with what, for... So you'll later that she's involved with difficult guys or something. And she'll with you, if you struggle or something. But probably he won't come... Alina: I know, those are the... Sina Ganster: Yeah, also, wird wahrscheinlich ja wahrscheinlich nicht, dass er wahrscheinlich auch nicht da ist, wenn sie da ist. Sie ist ja dann wahrscheinlich bei Toshi und so, wenn er kommt. Alina: What you to say now? No, but it's my job. No, oh, nonsense. No, but still, it's course, these are all things that I measure. These are points where I say, okay, feel just like that, I don't in my child. That can't be. That's not okay. I mean, in the end, a lot that I Toshi with it. That's all clear to The only thing I thought about was... Sina Ganster: Yeah. I know. I know. Alina: Do what in my life, has become so painful for now? I really learned to take back. The story of my life, the story of my childhood is that I learned to take Not too seriously. That's actually the bigger problem. And that's what really pisses me off Sina Ganster: You to let To take to put Alina: I was a child. I a child. I learned that if I expect if I want it won't fulfilled. I become happier when I any expectations, because then they won't be disappointed. Sina Ganster: la. Alina: Also, it's really like that. That's a bit... That's I things... Sina Ganster: Or I'll you guys a lot of... Yeah... It was always a a so maybe... Maybe when I say or when I'm calm, I'm the best Than when I'm in the foreground. Because then there's even more drama. Alina: It's something different when I'm in a relationship. With Toshie it's something else, because I a base that me security where I very clearly, hey Toshie, won't and stuff So that's very clear But until then, I get there's a terrible process of That's definitely not normal either. Oh, I don't know, it's super complex, you can't even... Sina Ganster: But it's... you're already doing... No, you work that. But you're already well. You're already well. You're on very well. That's Alina: Boah ey, sein, was ich, ein Gehirnschmalz. I have to. Because kids challenge you so hard in something this. Super crazy. Sina Ganster: Yeah. You'll it. Alina: So, how do we the connection again? Sina Ganster: Okay, wait minute, who stopped? I don't shit, wait a I'll do cut and then we'll something like... Okay, I think we're done. I think we've Alina: Red Flakes are a huge number and as I said, doing a recap is good and always a break. I think too fast and too much binding, that's what actually a bit, that you get someone like Sina Ganster: As it may... Yeah, or imagine marrying or something like that. Alina: Well, that's, as I said... But as I said, think giving much... Yes, definitely. Yes, would be shit. But to a relationship over ten years with someone is just as shitty. Who then you so much. Yes, difficult. Sina Ganster: Yeah, but that's actually the tragic thing. Yeah. Absolutely. So I would actually what she's here. And I to every woman, be aware of your red flags. And, okay, have to... And, don't her, don't And if they show clearly beginning... Alina: Hmm. Sina Ganster: I'd final stroke than to drag and think it. I'm it out Alina: Hmm. Yeah, definitive. Okay. Sina Ganster: Okay, then. My daughter is in her wake-up phase. Good ending. I have to check The baby phone just went off bit, but I think she just coughed Let's go to story two. I would like to see if everything okay. What it is. Alina: Lieben wir. Okay. Yes, do that. Okay, all right. Sina Ganster: All right, then see you next time. Bye! Alina: code. Ciao ciao! Sina Ganster: Okay, then, end like, a very, very intense episode. I have to cut I for any private stuff in and I definitely it to you that you, especially this episode here, you check that there is somehow nothing said, what is uncomfortable to or something. But I, everything that is so private, those longer things in between, I definitely away. And sorry Alina, I know, I'm totally, I, and I say that only because you mean know? Alina: ⁓ god, too late. You're in a luxury position, you Yes, but you're in a luxury position. I think that's just the It's nice and so on, I don't I also to less understanding for people in my environment. I just it's asi when someone so crassly. That's just a bit... Sina Ganster: I'm... Yeah, I think you look at where you from. Like, oh yeah, he's that and that because he these topics and stuff. And everyone has their past and that's we're the way we are. Some of us have really shitty pasts. For Toshi probably a really shitty past. And probably also a lot shitty experiences with his family that he's that And I'm really sorry. But in the end... Alina: Hmm. Yes, that doesn't it. Sina Ganster: We are not there to heal In the it's just a red flag. Sorry that you are this. Or that became go to the therapist and get treated. And maybe it get better. It's not about Toschi, but generally. Alina: Yeah. Yeah. Sina Ganster: I tend to more understanding for people. Carlos, I'm totally radical and totally Asian and you need a little less understanding. Alina: Yeah, I just that some point a guy like who has same thing or something and then you can somehow, I don't know, maybe have normal conversation. Sina Ganster: Just a really nice guy who is really really nice guy who you in arms who loves and who does nothing toxic. Alina: Mm. I'll that away. I'm curious. As I just to see what I've in my life. Sina Ganster: Yeah, but I know what your limit is in the story. So at moment, definitely, that we don't anything with... ...affair. I swear, I didn't about it. Because as I it's a story with 13 years of marriage and so on. Alina: No, I didn't tell them. I didn't tell them. And it's... But it was Two weeks ago, a about this. It three weeks ago. And had a story about an Or I said, guy was having with a Probably it part the It But this combination with a friend who is for the affair is bit too much I think my limit. Otherwise we can talk about affairs, because... Right, we can talk That's not that crazy. And I'm not to every podcast series as a therapy class. But I you that, because... I wanted to... But that's not... Sina Ganster: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I can understand that you're not telling me. I can really understand it. Because I'm just totally fucked up and I dude, I know that I react crassly. And I know that with all other girlfriends I exactly what you say, this... I'm sorry that you feel that and so on. Because I know those are the right words to say. But think you have the trust base, because we other our whole life. So high. That I really think what I say and just think... No, please, he doesn't you. He's a motherfucker. No joke. Hit him in the face. I know, I know. I have to my aggression out. Alina: Huh. Yeah, but I know that. That's I I in front him. have... You have no idea how angry I was. You can't imagine I said, if I little more would you the face, but I couldn't because I'm not violent enough. I... So it's really... Sina Ganster: I am a na- Alina: Well, no. No, but it's just... It's also... I think it's already humiliating, you think it's already humiliating But on contrary, I can to you, hey, Sina, it doesn't me. But then can least shoot and say, Sina, it doesn't now. I know, I know, I know. Sina Ganster: Of you had some trouble him, but I think now he's through some point. You don't crazy Alina: You just have to it like this, everything came and now it's good that it's out, because now I to... So think about it, Toschi knew all this and stuff, I said, no, God forbid. The only thing that's just now is that he is of course... Kashi! Yes, I'm not, yes, but I'm not, but I'm not stupid and catch somehow. So for me that also has a place value. When a man is with then that is also basically such an honor for this man, when I my ex about him, Ergo, father of my child or my child's and such things, you know. And I'm just glad that I him value, you know? So for me that's worth lot. And, the, no idea. Sina Ganster: Yeah. Yeah, but I'll say that it's something else to say, okay, that it's very, funny that my new boyfriend or Toshi finds that you something going on. Could also just be, okay, they have something going on. We're a little bit, they've done or they've few times. No idea if that's serious or not. But I've always thought, you don't want him to find because he'll flip because he's of jealous and then maybe somehow that with Hannah somewhere. Alina: Ach so, ja. Sina Ganster: I know, of with Hanna, that she manipulates or... Alina: Well, of You have to calculate yourself. I mean, to the sabbatical. That I two months to with Hannah. Or it's about the school application. I want Hannah to a private school. He wants a public school. We have agree on And that to with the will to Those things that... I don't to a fuss But in end, if I totally in love with Sina Ganster: Yeah, example something that. Yes, or if it came it would out. I mean, in end, you're not together with Toshie, you know. He can be his best friend's ex-girlfriend a or whatever. yes, whatever. But as I said, he won't get it out, but I wouldn't be afraid of him. Alina: Wenn mir das auch egal. Yeah. Yeah. Sina Ganster: This is all this is. Alina: Yeah, that's the turn. Sina Ganster: Of happen. mean, you're all a little circle. Nadine might be telling the of her X, who is still friends with the other and at some point it might be Toshi. Of course can happen. But... Yeah. By really cool, do you this picture of Sina ganz der Hose? Right? Look how fucked up this picture looks. Alina: Hm, can happen. Yeah, what is that? Is that only your...what is that? ⁓ that's changing somehow. Now I a different picture Sina Ganster: Andi thinks it's the same time. It looks really cool Alina: No, mine already looks different. I made this because I thought maybe this a decent picture. no. All good. Sina Ganster: Okay. Yeah. Okay, sleep well. Alina: Good. Yes, you too. Good night. All good. Yes, all good. Bye bye. Sina Ganster: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Ciao. Nachti. Tschüss.