speaker-0: Hello! Wir sind zurück. Hallo, liebe Alina. Schön, dass du wieder da bist. speaker-1: Hello again! Hello, hello! Wie geht's dir? speaker-0: Good. I had a day today. I it with my daughter. It very, very nice. We were actually, we were at the first demo of her life. So we were at a demo I'm such a demo-ganger. I'm... Yeah, yeah, think it's really cool. No, and we were at a demo for more kindergarten places. speaker-1: Thank for watching. speaker-0: and for better pay from staff. It all a bit today because the child system failed because there was and then I thought, okay, I'll with them. At least speaker-1: Okay, Okay, that the... Okay, what demo did you before? What was the last demo before Frauentag, oder okay. speaker-0: There are always a of demos or manifestations. So, he's us on International Women's Day, so on March 8th. There's a lot going It's not just one demo. There are a lot of demos in the whole city, every corner. Yeah, it's generally... speaker-1: It much to the 1st of but I have to say that East Germany, the Women's Day is all the So I have been I moved from Saarland to Thuringia and got a flower and a box of pralines I thought, oh crazy, this day would me going for last few years. speaker-0: But we don't flowers, and don't pralines. Women's Day is supposed to real topics, about critical topics, equality and so on. And you'll I'll a few flowers and a box of pralines, fed. But it's actually an important day to just start very important debates. Not necessarily the flower day. feminist speaker-1: I I can, I think, yes, okay, yes, that's right again. Yes, but I'm just about whether I demos on March 8th in recent years. speaker-0: I don't know. speaker-1: I'm about Berlin is bigger, because Berlin is also a holiday. I can imagine that there is I can the May 1st because there are also feminist demos. There is a lot going on. I think that Hanna's first demo was actually the one when the Ukraine war started. We Hanna on this huge, gigantic demo. or on the CSD. ⁓ speaker-0: Yeah, I made the strategic mistake today. I forgot the headphones. That was against sound. And then was, although that was a small demo, because nothing crazy-like was loud. Because they all have these pipes and stuff. And we were there 20 minutes, half an hour, and then it went back again. We ourselves be speaker-1: I think with little distance it's still possible. But yeah, we have too. speaker-0: Okay. ⁓ speaker-1: Hey! Okay. speaker-0: I would say we jump into the stories. Are you up speaker-1: Oh yeah, I'm I'm excited. speaker-0: Yay! Okay, let's go! Ich muss mir hier mal Luft machen. Meine Freundinnen sind unerträglich geworden, seit sie Kinder haben. Sie sagen regelmäßig Sachen wie, man weiß einfach nicht, was bedingungslose Liebe ist, bis man Kinder hat. Oder, ich frage mich, was Leute ohne Kinder eigentlich mit ihrer ganzen Freizeit machen. Und, ich glaube, mein Leben hätte ohne Kinder gar keinen richtigen Sinn. Und das alles vor mir. Obwohl sie wissen, dass ich keine Kinder habe. Nichts macht mich wütender als Frauen, die die Entscheidung anderer Frauen nicht respektieren. Egal, ob sie Kinder bekommen wollen oder nicht. Respektiert andere Frauen und ihre Entscheidungen. That's it. It's more a statement than a real story. But I definitely it had potential for speaker-1: I think that this very often. I think that's... I even triggered by speaker-0: I feel so triggered by it. I feel so triggered. Even though I have because me so aggro. Because before I kids, I heard again. It annoyed me speaker-1: I don't from my own environment. I know it from people themselves. And I can imagine that it's like arrows if you can't identify that there's a prejudice about But I think it's just... speaker-0: ⁓ So what can you identify With people who say that? Or... Or... Yes. That you would never say that. That you it totally over-the-top. speaker-1: I think it's over-the-top. I think that's how that's how it above all other places. I think that's egocentric, think that's the right word for it. Because it would mean that you don't the life content without or I mean, there are so many couples who simply can't children or want to what do know? What's up with all of them? So can I make sure that I know what unconditional love is before I child, even though you a couple that is incredibly great and incredibly loving? And then say they don't know what unconditional love is. speaker-0: Yeah, so I also have the one thought that I think you let go something totally from above, without children. So if you children, don't know what love is. So you're actually that you would a very, very big part of your life and you wouldn't a very, very big experience and that's totally dramatic. So something like that, that's they want to express And you don't know what the story of the person is, compared the you're to. On the one it can a person who wants children, but can't have because either health issues, simply no partner, and a thousand other things that I've now. But you don't know... I have a friend in the circle acquaintances who now both... Sorry, I have problems finding right expressions They to the egg parts. When a specialist comes and a round, true love can only be experienced... When you child, what that to this person who can't children, who has gone through such serious operation, you can't imagine And sometimes wonder that people are incredibly stupid and unreflective and just things go. I think that's completely borderline. Plus, and that's still very important, I also it's wrong that it's still coming. I it's absolutely not true that you can true love through children. There are many, many ways to a life. There are many, many ways to learn And everyone has to their own way and it at all. That's a good way and that's a bad way and so on. That's all. And sorry that I'm talking so fast right but it just to very often in the family. I that before I had because I also got children at 34 years old, I was told, Boazina, will when you children. There were always people who didn't children, they were always portrayed as they miss something in life. So they a little bit. And that totally confused because I didn't even know if I children at all. Do I want children? Well, I knew I love children. It's true, I love children and it's the most beautiful thing to be But it made me more thoughtful about whether I really children or just because they telling that I can happy when I children. It more an anti-effect in me because it just annoyed me and me lot with it. I actually really heard these statements And when I them today, because people often want to me on their side, so that I'm somehow in a circle and then someone something that oh yes, true happiness. Yeah, Sina, you now that you a child, and so on. And I always say... Yeah, so you I would be against I'm not on your side. Okay, yes, my child is luck for me, it's absolute over love and so on, but I don't other people's luck because they don't children. And I hate overbearing behavior. Sorry. Yeah. That's it. I... speaker-1: No, no, I, so, we're in the same I, um, I have to say, I haven't that experience. Um, I think it's it's insensitive. And my thought was to in this direction What, what does the person And is really nothing else in the world? And, um, exactly, what about all those who, I also about this whole queer society. Because it's not easy It's still a struggle. And then I what do we ourselves to? Just because we like having kids, to say, now you know. I would rather say something like, now you how it is. A little bit, right? So then would maybe go in that direction. And even that I find to measure, sometimes this sentence. But I think if you about being a then I think it's fair to about the topics. Yes, of how beautiful it is or what you in yourself. That's great, and it should be great. But just as well I can be happy someone who has something else great. So, no idea, own company or something. or very intense sports career. In the end, doesn't matter. There are so many things. speaker-0: Or you a career, you It's okay, you kids and you have career. It's important that people happy with their lives. And nobody can that happiness. speaker-1: Yes, definitely. Yes, think we can take what I would if someone something. Because she is in the situation, she gets it said. I think I say such a harsh word. I think if they my friends, then would say, hey guys, I'm happy for you that you your happiness and that you it your children and I think they are cute and so speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-1: That's really cool, but I feel it as overbearing because my luck doesn't count or because I don't children And I would just say how it comes I think I would really my the if they friends, because I would be worth I think would turn I think would the discussion speaker-0: Absolutely. Yes, I do too. But I'm asking myself, regardless of the topic, who does that? Why are friends so insensitive? Because they know exactly, there's someone at table who doesn't children. And I'm it just to trigger this person. I want to this person bad. What's the other reason to say I want to this person feel bad. And then I think to what the fuck is wrong with you? And what kind of friends ...who are not satisfied speaker-1: Exactly, so someone who properly balanced probably wouldn't make such big effort. But why do I go and do something someone else or speak something bad? I in a context in which I might not good I think. So it definitely doesn't to my nature my personal nature. But I can only imagine that it's my own ... yes. out of their own dissatisfaction, a desire for freedom or something that. So why am I something like It's always in oneself, I think, that's the kind statement. The deficit or the problem. speaker-0: And this statement about the says more than the person who meant And I would also say that they probably, it's just an idea I have, probably these friends struggle with a little child, maybe in a partnership, whatever, maybe they're not well at And then... If they bitter or dissatisfied And then they their shit go to other people and hurt other people. And they know exactly how they will now. And that's really pretty... ...dang it. speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah, auf jeden Fall. Yeah. speaker-0: Okay. speaker-1: Ja, ich bin bereit. speaker-0: Ein männlicher Kollege macht ständig Witze über mein Aussehen vor anderen. Und das schon mehrmals. Wie bringe ich das zum Stoppen? Ich bin eine 31-jährige Frau und arbeite in einem professionellen Büroumfeld. Ein männlicher Kollege, nicht mein Vorgesetzter, hat wiederholt Kommentare über mein Aussehen gemacht vor anderen Kollegen, meistens vor anderen Frauen. It is always as a joke, but it feels very clear as if he to mock me. To make I don't think he has a personal grudge against me. Sometimes he me other work, shares small snacks or is very friendly to me That is also reason why it confuses Here are a few examples. Vor einer Kollegin namens Jennifer sagt er, klar wird Jennifer angesprochen, sie ist hübsch. Warum sollte dich jemand ansprechen? Und vor kurzem vor einer anderen Kollegin namens Carol, logisch, dass Carol vom Chef ausgewählt wird. Sie ist ja hübsch. Glaubst du, der würde dich überhaupt beachten? Das ist mehrmals passiert. Das Muster ist im Grunde immer dasselbe. Erstens, A different woman is complimented Second, direct use is used to me look down in And third, when I uncomfortable, it wow, don't get it? It touches me and makes me angry. Honestly, if someone that with my daughter at school, I be outside myself. And that's what makes me realize that it feels wrong to just let just because it's now. I don't to normalize I'm not for opinions about who is attractive I'm upset because it's humiliating and unprofessional. And because it a pattern. My questions. First, am I too sensitive? Second, What is the best, quiet, professional one-line to something like this in the moment? And third, if you've like this, what actually worked? speaker-1: Woah, alter. speaker-0: I read this story and it me ultra-acro. Really acro. speaker-1: I hope... speaker-0: Yeah. The procedure is as follows. He says to another woman, or he would say, boy, Alina, of course she's being She looks really great. Not like you, Sina. You would never promoted. And then he am I stupid? And then what the fuck? And then he's like, you don't a joke anymore. So is that's how went. speaker-1: I think that's the only logic I'll ever understand. speaker-0: I'm not laughing. I'm always between crying and laughing here. But it's not funny. It's just mega-associated and it's perfidious. And I think it's a strategy. speaker-1: Yes. I have several thoughts. My first thought was when I heard I thought he wanted in of other men. Because most of some men are big enough to a men's round by someone else stupid. That works well with a woman in a men's round, example. That was my first thought. He wants to profile But that's not really the case. At least not in that context. And then my next thought was, is he maybe into her? So does he her actually somehow very sharp? And does he not like or does he to conquer so that she the idea that he someone else? Which would be crazy, because he's that she somehow... So you I make the girl small so that she get the idea that could have someone better. Yeah. speaker-0: It's a toxic shit. That was also my first thought, that he her self-esteem until she... And then he might as a savior and say, hey, look, you're ugly, we've already found but I'll you anyway. And then you'd better be grateful. So that would now... I think that could actually in a sick person's head, that he does That was the only explanation Or one... I find it so weird that I can't really explain what he's but that's definitely an option. speaker-1: And to get to that one-sidedness, I think if someone to me, would say, yes, you and your, I don't know what, you can't that much. I think I the same to speaker-0: I wouldn't give myself to him and say that I'm ugly too. I would and ask him, Samma, are you I would back on what he said and it to that I 0.0. And then he would probably say, Sina, don't get so excited, it's all just a joke. Hello, it's all just a joke. But I just say that it's funny all. That making is just a strategy to say, I'm not sorry for I just said And then would probably to HR. Maybe not the first time. The first time I maybe still... him hardcore And then think... I hope that's done now. But secretly would be on my death list, so... He would be on the absolute blacklist. So sorry, you've life with one when you such a saying go. But if he at second time, because she writes too, that's already... several times, also always following the same pattern, to it go down, I definitely to my predecessor or rather to H.A. And she also has witnesses. He does that in such a small round. speaker-1: We several points now. We could say once, we give back sarcastic saying at the level that he has. That would be the first Yes, once, one sentence, no more. If he then something or says something against it, you could, for example, the thing where you say, okay, what's up you? So it's just very clear to address and very clearly what he just said. But without, I think that really important thematizing that it hurts me or something, I think to you monkey, you can't hurt That would be my way I think. Then you the point to say, I express myself outside, I go to HR. And I have one more point, I think I them off in their further situations, because I think So, someone, because he wants to either do well with his dangers here, or that's just his honest behavior, but that just And I would say his dangers can stick anywhere else. He can to completely. speaker-0: I would that with Snacknet or something. speaker-1: ⁓ shit, I have my own Snix. So, or? I I work in an environment where I work in a... I know, I I'm quite well equipped. speaker-0: Yeah, I think what she's writing is... I'm not a corporate business professional type. I'm more a person who always talks the I right now. But in some fields, that's not really what to And she also that she's a very professional office field, I might be. Maybe she really in a conservative industry. Maybe she's in finance or something like and really in a corporate world that she wouldn't be against with what the fuck is wrong with you. Of course that, but rather okay, how do I this, business-wise, professionally, so that we have a good relationship with my employee. ⁓ and these waves somehow are clinging speaker-1: Then I would advise her, if she a steele like then would tell her, then would definitely this card once to say, I stand now very well-kept and quite demonstratively. If you such a saying, I would just very demonstratively and say, all right. Wouldsch machen. speaker-0: Yeah, but you know, you get up and leave, it's also a bit of a flight. And it seems like he's it to heart. And hopefully he doesn't. He's a complete idiot. I don't know, I'm not a business professional, but I somehow a smart business sentence with chetchipity or something. And then I tell him what we're saying in what the fuck is wrong with you, and I won't this go here and so little more professionally. A quotation mark. speaker-1: But can you? You've all the Sex and the City episodes, right? speaker-0: to this. Nee, kann ich mich grad nicht mehr erinnern. speaker-1: She's in a lawyer's office with a boss who's really annoying and annoying. And think, I think that was even the movie. So he's always trouble. And then she's sitting in a circle and every time, she's also partner, she's someone. She's sitting with deaf men in a room, lots of people, they're about a certain case. And guy always his hand when she starts talking. And she sits there in this room, which also means total continence at end of day. mean lawyers and so And she goes over there and just her hand, when he winks, and she sits down, looks at him, holds her hand up, and he asks her, is there a problem? And she's like, I don't know, do we one? And stands up. I think. I think she also announced it, but I just want to say, I actually a strong move. speaker-0: Yeah, very strong. And that's a good example, because I can imagine that she a law firm or something like that. With this super... Yeah, where you just don't... You can't with your thoughts, but you it bit like a corporate. Yeah, that kind move would definitely be strong. speaker-1: Because think talking is a guy who is smiling and says she should fun. Because if she goes and says, hey, what's your problem? What are you tell I doubt that something will around that she can start something with, except that the guy is just talking and says she shouldn't get upset and then next step says, yes, she has little bit a fight. That would be the worst case, that he goes to another colleague and says, oh, she cried I fun of her. That's always our horror. speaker-0: Then can only hope that the other colleague is just little bit intelligent and says, well, I totally that she it funny at and what's with you and confronts So if a guy came and said, yes, one them is around would say, yes, and why is she around Because you're just totally lost. speaker-1: Yeah, but a lot of don't it. Especially a of men, know, who, I don't know what rank have, then he just to one a lower rank and lets his ego be polished The poor speaker-0: Yeah, that is right. Yeah. ⁓ your proposal, then the whole thing be even complicated and even exhausting to regulate. It's just a normal colleague. And yes, yes, I definitely to HR. Yeah. But if it's not... But H.A. is always like that. Imagine, you in a law firm with ten colleagues. There's no H.A. Yeah, I can also imagine ⁓ speaker-1: I know this H.R. theme from American companies. I don't know if it's well represented. There are people you can about it. And especially when comes to corporate politics, it's clear. But yes, I think he something going on And that's the question. If you little bit indifference to in sense of, yes, but if she already a little bit indifference, which I don't before, whether he can a little bit I think I would something out. Yeah, yeah. Crazy. speaker-0: total. Okay, next story. Come on, good luck today. Is there anyone with a man and is slowly crazy? I am 33, female and have been with my partner He is 31. We have been for one and half years. He recently me an application and I said But now I'm really worried that I a mistake. Since he with me, there has been single day when his clothes, plates, cups and coke cans are in every room where he stays. When I here alone, was almost always tidy and I had my peace. Now I constantly burned out and annoyed. I know that we different ideas of what clean and tidy means. I to him about the invisible work women do, about how I feel as a household manager. And if I him for something, he either it once so that I have to ask time because he his mess. or he becomes defensive and we have a huge argument. Last week we had a big argument in which he claimed he would more money than me and said I would nothing. On that day I the toilet and the bathtub, vacuumed and went to the garbage dump to of a pile of cardboard. about we would always stumble if I hadn't into my hands. Am I damned to in a chaotic home Is it worth it just to not alone? P.S. I don't any children. That's just a side note. What? ⁓ speaker-1: Okay, whoa. speaker-0: So if she kids... Is it your name? No, don't know. Maybe she to give some side information. speaker-1: I don't know what that was. And I mean we are on Reddit and probably just the comments, wait a you children for it get even worse and so on. So maybe she that a bit. Maybe she's just smart. But yes, that's, yes, shit, think that's such a are just so many of Yes. speaker-0: Absolutely. speaker-1: Well, I have to say, I'm so messy. It's not that easy. speaker-0: It's true, really. You've always been a messy. But I have I think we were always these messy girls. Every girl was super tidy. I have say, I haven't a boyfriend or partner who was as messy as me. speaker-1: Yeah. I say, I only with one man. Well, that's not correct. I to a flat. But otherwise I only with one partner. And then was definitely like that, that I lot room to around. So it crazy to of clean On the cleanliness topic, was a bit like that, that I think I more a look for the detail, you have to say. But mostly he did before I could because I said, I'll it the way, I'll it the same I'll do it same way. Wow, that's typical of me. But it's really like I often said, I'll it the I'll it same And then he just did I thought, when are you it? Oh yes. I roommate. I had a roommate that was totally awesome. He originally lived us during studies and he every weekend. speaker-0: It is amazing. speaker-1: And we didn't a washing machine and I hate washing dishes like the piss. I just off one plate so I don't have to wash But it wasn't any different. And I remember telling him, go home, I'll it up. speaker-0: I'm mistaken. speaker-1: I didn't the opportunity to clean On the weekend, everything was clean and tidy. And I only the worst stress everything tidy again, so that it tidy again when it And that was really so crazy. It was so worth And also, I always had roommates who were really tidy. And I know... speaker-0: I think it's always those opposite poles that are pulling you know? You always an messy person and a tidy one and they somehow each everywhere. Either as partners or friends. Because we never lived together. Alina, couldn't live It's not speaker-1: That kinda good, Yeah, good. But back to the story. Because she's not in this great situation. She doesn't this man who everything for her, but she has to So I think I would still say, make less. speaker-0: Also, I don't know what you mean by less, that she should But then what is the solution? Then the whole building is even dirtier. She feels uncomfortable. What I find is that she has her own apartment. Everything is tidy, she feels comfortable, she has everything under control. And then he in like a disturbance factor. And he a lot of good sides and have great relationships. But yes, I think it also annoy if I before-after comparison. Before I just had my balance everything was clean, everything was in Now this person is there and suddenly there are clothes lying it's dirty, I'm just cleaning up. And her order is also super important. And she just out of the balance. And I do understand that it's And have you honestly, I think it's also crazy... ...unrespectful a little bit. I don't know, somehow comes to like this, I'll a guy home and he'll everything and he'll everything around and I can only for him So I definitely find it extremely annoying when I imagine it Now imagine... I mean, okay, yes, we're chaotic, but imagine, Lina, someone in with you, your boyfriend, after two years, and since he's living it's just 10 times more chaotic. He's much more than you, leaves everything around him. I can't use I that at all. just a stress factor. speaker-1: So Yeah, so it's really like that. mean, look, today is cleaned right? And I just hey, just don't come and something messy. So I think I would, I don't would be someone that. Maybe, I don't know, you never know. But it's just a crazy problem. And then I again, usually it with men to talk. That's always the thing, because she's already How does she that clear that it's so bad for them. So that's really... Well, can't be... It obviously won't get any better. And actually they should make to hey, if it goes we don't a common future. set So just set limits say, hey, if this doesn't go if it doesn't get then I can't with you. Because that... speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-1: for me is totally bad. And the problem has to be seriously and something has Because, yes, and then could maybe on things. So you can maybe really, if he's not such a decent person maybe there certain clues that help or for certain approaches. speaker-0: Can Marie Kondo read? Yes. I think these not indisputable differences. Okay, we know that order is matter of and he is disorderly. But he has to seriously because it's a point that is important And if they to live together, it just to work. And he to recognize and just to measures. He's probably a smart young man and he can learn. be with a course, it with a book, it with a help board or whatever. it's really important to him, then he should learn I think that's how I communicate I would say, that's so important and I feel so uncomfortable at home and I don't even know how to for the future. So if you with me, then that's something we solve. And please us a solution. But it annoys me when men are always so defensive. And it's even more She confronts him with or more And writes that he random yes, you are the messy one and I do much more than you. Which is from her point view. What maybe also shows that he has no understanding. Maybe also this invisible work of hers, that she really invisible to him. That he doesn't even notice that she all these cardboard boxes to the garbage depot, that she the toilet, that she her clothes today. That's something I very often. The about men and women is that they just do it without complaining They just it. I see that it's messy now. I grab these clothes and put them in the bin. And no one gets them. And with men, they hang it on the big bell. They come like, by the I cleaned up this corner today. speaker-1: See? Maybe the principle of recognition or something like, yes, I want to a great pike or something like that. But yes, that's true. I you're right. I think we're it for... maybe the recognition is not that important or something speaker-0: I that's just, I think that's nothing special It's just, you just it because you live and I can't for every little thing. But I think for men, they see it as a special task because they secretly it as helping. So, hey, by the I them I cleaned up something today. That could also be that, maybe not really this task So probably he I could again, he in a household where he probably didn't much Probably the mother did everything, cleaned and so on. And that way you also or he knows the role model, as a man, isn't that responsibility? I can a little bit, okay, we're all modern But in the end, it's the job of a woman. that's something... I think that you as a child, it's so firmly rooted you that you see women, my mother in this case, maybe my sister, they do the household, they clean up and I'm here with my dad and... help in garden or something. I know, or do something else, do something crafty or something. And then they up, grow with a modern woman and you think, okay, I have a giant baby Sometimes you can't that And sometimes they don't even reflect speaker-1: Yeah, that's true. But then I to That's why my idea was to say, don't anything first. Or less, or I know. Just to show what you're Because I think you have to go through the apartment together and create transparency. And take your time. I just had this Mishuken idea. You could on all the to-do's. And then... Can he collect Maybe that's nice for him too. speaker-0: I know. I'm the mother and I have my son how to clean I wouldn't want to speaker-1: Yeah, it could be, but how do to solve Because somehow you have to work together if you to work And question is, to just tell be more I don't that's enough. I think you really to show what things are and then really it Or, as I said, clear responsibilities. If, for example, means that one person does the kitchen and the other person does the bathroom, then it has to fully comprehensive. But even then, There are differences. For one, the worktop only up, so all the dishwasher, or other one just over it. That's where it speaker-0: I don't know if it's about her doing the bathroom and I do the living room. I think it's about this everyday thing. That someone, for example, a coke from drinks it and then it in the trash can. I think for her it's a big topic, to So just everything you get back in your place. And you can learn I that too. As I I think it's not indelible difference. If he really loves he can fix And think she should very clearly that it's really relevant It's a deal breaker. And it's not about letting someone in the glass for But general, it's an issue that very important and he to respect And then he just to... An passen. Es is here. Nirell. Einfach auch ein Thema damit sie beide. Ne schöne in schönes Leben in der schönen Wohnung und einem schönen Haus haben. It's him when it's cleaned up. I can say it's not that important, but it's a huge difference how you feel in a clean house. speaker-1: Yeah, I think so too. I think that you can a little bit closer together. speaker-0: Thank you Alina and see next time. speaker-1: Bye!