Sina: Hey, herzlich willkommen zurück zum Podcast nicht dein Typ Frau. Schön, dass du zuhörst und ich begrüße wie immer meine allerliebste Podcast Hostin Aldi Alina. Na, wie geht's? Alina: Hello! We're here in Germany. It's hot. Yeah, but now it extreme and yeah. Without air conditioning. I didn't home on the weekend. I my kid about staying the freeway as but some she didn't to anymore and we to go back. I still a balcony, I can least get but the heat, I was in bed and I was like, damn it, I'm still Oh god. But yeah, it's still only a few days and then it's back. But yeah, it's crazy. Sina: Hahaha I hope that the temperatures will down again and that it will warm for you with a heat wave. Of course, be great summer weather, everyone that, but that you these really intense 40 degrees, I think it was even 41 degrees, I something in Germany, that's just too brutal. And I had also about it. Alina: Mm. Sina: Because I read it and found incredibly bad what in hospitals. I really really bad that hospitals are not air-conditioned and that the stations are very hot, the intensive stations, the rooms where the medicines are are too hot, which nobody knows what it is for. Alina: Mm. Sina: effects on the effect of medication. And a lot of I really of the women who are bringing a child into the So they are giving And then you go to the hospital and it's somehow 32 degrees 35 degrees, no idea, maybe you can up a fan. But that's really really hardcore and Alina: Hmm. Sina: I also wrote that I absolutely think that a wealthy country like Germany simply has to prepare I mean, all now, climate is changing, it's really shit, but it's actually not a big surprise, climate researchers can it very, very precisely. that will be these heat waves and that there more of also in Northern Europe. And then institutions like schools or hospitals for this. ⁓ Alina: Well, Kota, you think exactly about the area where it's Well, that's... Yeah, well... Exactly, I was just I don't know if I would investing in staff or in climate systems, would probably also staff. But yeah, I had to think it. Sina: Yeah, that's the problem. But that's allowed. Alina: Hannah was born in late summer and the Jebems said that very hot days more children to the world. That means that there hot days, can't get a place in the So has some crazy consequences. But of we have to Sina: Yes, exactly. Mara was at 39 degrees Last year in June we a heat wave I thought that climate system, was the difference. In Spain, hospitals are all air-conditioned. In the hall it was really pleasant. Alina: Yeah. But with climate systems or what? Yeah. Mm, yeah. Sina: That was no problem on, the on the room, was little warmer. So we probably had an air conditioning, but that was more because the hospital is an old hospital. It was a top hospital, top doctor, I felt super cared But it's just an old bunker somehow. So it's not a super high-design hospital. And the air conditioning was dirty So I was definitely all time actually undressed. The child was... We were there because it was just hot as But then it was maybe 30 degrees or 28 degrees in the room. But definitely not in the hall because I don't would have to I mean, you always out it's just inhuman. And yes, so it definitely hurt me. I think of these women who were a few days with you. Alina: Hmm. Sina: then in such a monkey heat. It's really crazy. Alina: Hmm, yeah. Well, we made Let's see how it goes. Sina: Okay, ⁓ I would say we start right away. I brought a few cool stories. Are you ready? Alina: Yeah. Natürlich. Sina: Yay. Okay. Now we a nice conversation. think the intro has the perfect length when it's five minutes. That's I just said it's five minutes. Now I didn't to another topic. I can next time or whatever. Alina: Yeah, just down tomorrow. Yeah, we'll each tomorrow. We bring tomorrow. Tomorrow will be even more relevant. Sina: Yeah. The one story in the last podcast I've it again because I had to deal with But it's not a problem. But it's also totally unproblematic in case I It takes two minutes, I just it again and cut it in. I'm an editing pro. I could myself here as a podcast cutter, as as I've cut it. I know all the tricks. Alina: Yeah, I almost thought you were If you to assignments. Sina: Total. Okay. I stopped planning everything for my group of And the silence was deafening. I 29 and somehow became the self-proclaimed super-organizer of my mixed group of Birthdays, weekend trips, film evenings. I was always the one who the doudel, booked the allergies of the cake. The men always mocked for being, in quotation marks, simply so well organized As if I straight out of my Google calendar. I always joked around because I the hostess. Okay. I always away from because I really... What should I This doesn't sense. I always ignored because the role was okay for But last time I so tired and felt strange and invisible. Like a speaking table calculation. No human. So I did a little experiment I told that I would be completely in work stress and turned the group chat off. No suggestions. Hey, forget not X is on the summer day. So I did a little experiment I told I would be completely in work stress and turned the chat off. No suggestions, no quotation marks Hey, forget not X is on Thursday. The chat is almost complete. Eingeschlafen. Einer der Männer hat mal nochmal reingeworfen, wir sollten mal nochmal was machen, aber nichts. Kein konkreter Plan, kein Follow-up. Zwei Geburtstage sind vergangen, beiden nur mit Hab dich lieb Text oder Happy Birthday. Gestern hat einer der Typen halbwegs als Witz gemeint, unsere Freundesgruppe falle auseinander und mich gefragt, Why I stop organizing As if that a personal fault of mine. When I said that I the unpaid social work, he me very confusedly and said, but you're so good at Did anyone really manage to this kind of invisible work? Oder führt jede Frau still und leise für immer die Logistikabteilung ihres Soziallebens. Okay, and some fast song. She was the one who organized she did everything in the WhatsApp group, for her it was okay, but then she said, okay, I'm kind burned out and she probably noticed that she's the only one who everything and then said as an experiment, no, I'm not anything now, I'm telling everyone I don't time or I'm in work stress and then it's actually the the was dead. Nobody did anything, nobody planned anything. Alina: How long did she do that for? Four weeks. Sina: I think until just, yes, she says I have done a little experiment I think that's until now, And she's about it And, yes, wait, we're not officially about it I'll out Alina: Ein Monat? I think it's No, think I checked. Sina: Okay, also for me, sometimes it's good to repeat Alina: Yeah, just don't in too much. So, do but don't too much opinions, okay? Sina: I just what I read. And she... a guy asked and said, everything falls here. And she said, why did you stop? You're so good at And she a feeling that it's her fault or her personality's And the end she asks if it's normal that women are always the logistics department of their social life. Mm-hmm. Alina: how much it is needed and how much you relied it. Sina: Yeah, absolutely. Alina: And maybe... I'll just briefly. I do believe that many women take responsibility in such things. Sina: Yes, think there are so many types that somehow comfortable, especially when they see that someone is Alina: Hmm. Sina: So for me, when I'm in a group and I see a friend of mine organizing something, we're all to concert, then I think I this social feeling that I recognize that she organized and try to organize it the time. So I definitely notice that. dass halt einer immer alles macht. And I don't like the fact that they are relaxing this. It's a mixed group of there are women and guys. As she says, more like from the men. They think it's cool and they go along. But basically she is the main organizer Alina: Exactly. And especially in all parts. I know it like this, that a lot is divided. So if we a big gift for someone, and it doesn't have to be a round birthday or something, it can always happen, then are certain parts that are taken One person of the card, the next person of the gift or the gift, someone buys tickets. It's if one person the money, it's always good if it ten hands or something. And same is true with traveling. There is, for example, one person who takes of flights and says, hey, we book the flight. The next person, for example, is I'm more a bookkeeper. So I collect all the bills and manage that bit, that's a bit of my thing. So especially when we're on spot and pay restaurant bills or pay any excursions. I But are others who plan activities that I don't like plan. I don't like to get and make sure that there is a plan for the day. But there people who like it, but maybe don't like taking of the finances. And others want to good place to And I think it's crazy that she's in a group like that. Men and women don't care. As she said, to be Nobody comes up with idea of okay, you're stressed and I know you're it for us, how can we support can I take can I do something? Or what's next for what to be Because you on your calendar and it's good if someone wrote but you just to ask. You just ask what's on your calendar. It's that simple. Sina: Absolutely. think it's very me to all the burden on one As I are group dynamics. For you it's like, okay, you're good at bookkeeping, you always the bookkeeping and the others do the activities. For us it's always like that, that someone else does because for example, especially the topic, in Spain it's like that, that there's no... You that's very unusual and is often rejected. That means someone pays for 10 people in the restaurant and that's a huge thing. What do huge thing? But it's a bill you have and then it's... Yeah, right. But then it's always someone else who pays. I would say that's really... Alina: Exactly, but we'll into Mm-hmm. Sina: and how well Sina organized everything last time. And then, as I the next time it from someone else and I would myself back a and think, now I'll her do it. What I noticed, and it me of something professional and it reminded me of myself, that sometimes you are punished. Alina: Hmm? Sina: if you're good at something. So somehow, yes, she does a great job and has everything under control. And that's why, as I said, she's rested and she's always this work and also bit under the pretext of, well, can't everything as well as you and we can't it somehow. And that reminds me completely of Alina: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah, full. Sina: I jobs because I was a little bit... I know, that's just how I I'm always a little bit 120 % and try to everything super well and so on. But then I noticed that I was being punished So that I more tasks assigned. Like, let the Sina do it, she does it. I always to... I always to go to trade fairs in Germany, although we German staff. Because it was said, no, we Sina with us trade fairs, she can talk to people They could all to people well. And I always I have to from Spain. Although we have people in Germany for whom just an hour drive, no, always have flown in there. Just because somehow ... The thinks I'm better than everyone else and I always like a punishment. And that reminds me of that. Alina: I think I have to the topic. I have to say that I really don't like to that. Because it has something to with acquis and sales. And these are things I don't like to do And I complain a lot about and complain lot afterwards. And when I'm there, it's like, hey, yes! And you somehow the best out of Sina: Yeah, I... Alina: And then I think, yes, of I'm this well, but I'm also trying, you And think that others who might have in their can even better and they might it even more. But yes, I know so many examples where... So I have say, can get hook quite now. I always at how much the topic me or how much... It's necessary that I because I don't have the capacity to 120 % like I would to Which I find admirable. Just like you said, sometimes people say, I don't I don't the capacity for I don't how to And then they're out. then it's tedious to explain to and then they do their two three tasks and they ten years and I just think, yes, okay. But it's also... Sina: Yeah, it's actually a strategy to pull I can't I'm not good at Then learn, my God. Of what was true is that have to people a space. Alina: Yeah, klar. Safe. Sina: So is is that you have to people a space. So if I up organizational task, I always that and now I say, Alina will it now, then is of course also simply important that you then maybe also realize that it not so perfectly organized, because the one who it for first time and maybe there a bit, I don't know, word forgotten. or just a little bit exhausting or something that. But I imagine that. Alles gut? Alina: I'm of Sina: Yeah, okay, ich mach einfach weiter. Also was auf jeden Fall wichtig ist, dass man dann halt auch den Leuten irgendwie so den Raum gibt. Weil klar, wenn ich dann so eine Arbeit abgebe, die ich normalerweise immer übernommen hab, dann kann das natürlich am Anfang so ein bisschen holprig sein. Ist ja klar, dass jemand, dann zum ersten Mal vielleicht so ein Trip organisiert, das nicht so gut organisiert wie ich, die das dann irgendwie schon zehnmal gemacht hat. Und ja, das muss man dann auf jeden Fall akzeptieren und dann nicht rummeckern. But I feel like the author will it. She's herself back. It doesn't like she's that she wants to these tasks and can't let go because she's go. She's I'm to a month off and let her do it. Alina: I had the thought when she told us Or when we talked it. I had the feeling that she might... She's it But maybe she really too much It was like a bang. Because people obviously got used to Or they think it necessary that it all organized I don't know what it was, but she said that everyone was grateful for I think they got used to that she does Maybe she one step and then, when it became either too much for or maybe didn't enough gratitude and appreciation for maybe she just so aware that she just said, no, I'm it anymore. It could be, I don't want to underline But could be that it a sudden of to say, okay, then I'll just what happens now. So the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. But I think what you say is important. So I don't think should too much. You should always keep things in view And the experiment is good for you that you also, and for everyone else, that you also somehow Sina: Mm. Yeah, can sign. Yeah, total. Alina: and talk to her about it. And just because you're doing it doesn't mean that you everything like that. I maybe bit of something I did recently, it a trip like I delegated because I wasn't in town at I couldn't do but I had a bit of a at But I just delegated so many things. And when I Sina: But delegating means that you still in charge. For me, delegating is a bit like... You are still superior person. Alina: In this case, yes. In this case, yes. But that's not... Exactly, this case, yes. But that would her a in If she says, hey, maybe you the cake. Or, hey, I'm doing this that, I don't time, can you the map or something like that. That definitely a step to it completely alone. Sina: Mm-hmm. Alina: Yeah. Go. Sina: I her and tell her that one a nut allergy, I ask that are nuts in and so on. Even if she then says, can you please call and ask? As I said, still a massive mental load she has. And I find that very interesting what she says again, that she somehow didn't any appreciation for it, that she everything properly, but also rather Alina: Hmm. Sina: It's a massive leisure stress she has and that the whole thing is not as work for her, as unpaid work. It's just like, yes, she does That she maybe looks for hotels for and reads or whatever, notices. And I find that very typical. When it comes to women, we often in relationships, that one somehow organizes and nobody that with them. And it's just a bit overlooked. And I that's very visual for it. Alina: Hmm. Hmm. Yeah, think this mental load off. And the mental load wouldn't me personally if I knew that things on this list would be done. That things would of my head. Because I didn't know how to If I about myself. But I think... Sina: Really? I find that mentally I wanted it as quickly as possible. Because for me it's just something that's my head. I'm someone who's in bed at and suddenly thinks, oh shit, I still to the emergency services. And shit. I find that... It's incredibly stressful and it would really piss off if I... I mean, you already at work, it's of you get paid for you things. You often in relationships, that's really shitty. And now I it in a group That would definitely be too much And I delegating would not be enough Alina: Hmm. Yeah, but the fra- I really depends on I personally think that if you take you that you certain events and maybe less or nothing, or that you say, okay, I'll and I'll let others do I think that always depends a bit on who I do Because I always I and commitment on someone who is very, very important I think how in a group You're everyone 100 % at the time. There are differences. And I think that if you think of those people who say, okay, the map, it's not important to to write but I think of the map and give the hint. I don't think that you could just put and say, okay, now I'm mentally helpless. I think it has to a little bit differently. And I think that delegating is the first step. Because sometimes doesn't work. You can't always everything. It just It's just not humanly possible to everyone. Sina: Hmm. Yeah. No, that's not true. That's not true. What I find interesting here is, we can think because when I organizational things, it's more with my group and basically with the women than it with the men. Would you to underline that? Alina: Yeah. Sina: It depends on the bubble, but in it's like that the men never in a WhatsApp group. So it's rather rare, I'd And the women are the time, organizing. It's not as crazy as she writes that no men are helping but I know that that he, organ work, is more like... Alina: Yeah, it just has... Sina: typically seen and is likely So this small-scale fiddling work. Maybe the big decision, where we Everyone wants to participate. But in this annoying orga, small-scale thing, as I said, that often with women. Alina: We actually a friend in our group who does it with love. He's very, very affectionate and likes it and does a lot of And then it's more about us ourselves a lot. It's really totally dependent I can't say... There are some women who are completely out of who only transfer or maybe say yo, I like it, thumbs up or something. and they don't in every vote, because the vote is again from the man it. And I also learned that too cooks spoil the dish, so that's it's really good to say that you always see a person who has little hat on, when it comes to gifts, for example, if it's for a woman, then can rather of the women. Sina: Mm. Alina: And if it's gift for a man, the men have more input. They say, I'd like to this that, I've up and so on. But I would really to as many men as women who don't do at certain points. And yes, there are always a few, I generally have a few driving forces. So I can't it like that. Sina: now. Alina: Workwise, by the just like us. Well, that might also to the area I work but there are people who a lot of effort and plan and communicate Sina: Mm, yeah. Yes, would say, finally, I would say that I think it's great that she recognized that she is the driving force, that she a change, especially that she out as an experiment, but she will also later and then hey, don't feel like doing all this work alone And yes, it's just super important that she sets her boundaries. That she doesn't get too out of it. I don't even if it's just the appreciation. Maybe she'll it too. Maybe one or the other thank you for organizing it. But it won't if you everything alone. So yes, it's very good that she has a line Alina: Yeah, good experiment. Sina: Okay, dann zur nächsten Story. Alina: I'm gonna back bed. Sina: Mein Vater hat meine Geburtstagstorte gegessen. Bitte? Alina: I'm No, I was just so hot. Just keep going. Sina: Is dein Kind wieder da? You Alina: I'm sorry. Sina: My father ate my birthday cake. I've a lot videos where it's about how men food as a power source and how it's completely normal... I've a videos where it's about how men food as a power source and how it's completely normal for men to huge amounts even if there's nothing left Exactly that happens to me at all time with my father, but I somehow assumed that it would different That's two weeks ago now and I'm still angry. I a birthday cake On day of my birthday I a piece. Within two to three days the cake was gone. My father had eaten almost all the cake and left the empty box in the fridge. I him several times that he should slow And some point, he should stop because he several times a day. The cake was in the fridge and later in the freezer, so wouldn't have bad. I pretty upset. and tried to to my mother. But she yelled me, I was a bad person because I had seduced and it was careless and cruel of me to food in the fridge and not to expect the people to eat I never said he shouldn't a piece. I my birthday cake. I don't know what I about it. I and anger. I feel like should look But I keep remembering that I a single little piece of my birthday cake before an adult man ate the whole cake. And it was a good cake. Cheers! I know I could just a new one. But I'm still sad that I never get that it was my birthday cake. Does that sense? It's also about me telling him to stop and he still did it. That he the empty box in fridge. And it was a pretty big cake. It shouldn't in two or three considering that we're only three. Ich lasse hier gerade einfach nur Dampf ab, aber ich frage mich auch, warum ist es okay, wenn Männer ihre Familien so etwas antun und Frauen sind dann die Bösen, wenn sie sich darüber aufregen? Time Flick is awesome! Alina: I I am totally speechless. What the hell? The time was wondering if the cake is synonymous with something else, it's not. Sina: No, but... I understand you. But who bakes his own birthday cake? I find it really sad. What that? Alina: Yes, yes, well, yes, maybe she to something special and nobody else have done and she just it for herself. I don't know if she invited or if they just for the three of So that's probably sad that she doesn't even as problem or maybe not even regret it, but just that she wasn't to eat Sina: Yeah, also she said one piece. Yes, also crazy, So that then mother doesn't even say, please a little bit something over, your daughter baked it herself. That's it too. I think that will me so much. It's not somehow a cake that I bought that, but I put there. You I baked this cake was mega proud. I thought so, awesome, I'm looking now all week, I always a little dessert and it was also a big cake. Alina: The mother's is so crazy. Sina: And then you back and the whole fucking cake is gone. And you before, please don't it and it's still being I think that's so crazy. And as you said, we can talk it, I it's shitty from the mother that she attacks her on If you it in the fridge, it's unfair to say that he can't eat Alina: I think the word choice is super critical because it says, you can't expect that someone will care of and that nobody will eat it. Especially not That's exactly the point why women are told, if you a short skirt, you're to blame. You can't expect that someone care of you. Sina: Mm. Yeah, and the man can't control himself with the food. He's hungry, he just eat. Alina: Yes, exactly. Thank you. Thank you for this wisdom Wow. Maybe bit too wide, but that was my thought. It reminded me of a story Syria, where the mother reacts to an egg herself and attacks zero-part for her. No, man has the right to because he can't it any Of Sina: Also, ganz komisch. Yeah, totally. I think that, I said, it's birthday cake, it's just any cake. And that you just it like that. What does that It means that father gives such a shit about what you think. So he doesn't He thinks it's cool. He then had eight pieces of the cake. She had a small one. But doesn't care that it's then... Alina: Yeah, that's it. Sina: I would have understood, but wouldn't have said that he would have thought That would have very careless. But I think it's critical that she really tells him, please don't that, leave me some, I want to eat and he does it anyway. I think really the limit. Alina: And how would she have this? Faster food or what? Sina: Ja, total. Absolut. Alina: What did they expect when saw her cake? It wasn't fast enough What kind of message I don't know. It won't be just the cake. There will be several examples. Sina: Yeah. you I you to a birthday cake yourself, think, as I said, it's already very strange family dynamic. You're three people and nobody's their birthday cake. I find that somehow sad. Somehow something is strange. Alina: Hmm. I have say, I also fun If someone away me, I would be really pissed. I think is... I think it might be because of the siblings. There's always a bit How do you it? Food fight? Hungry... Jealous Jealous that's the word. And think... think... It's a bit like... Some people even think that... Sina: Hmm. Yeah Yeah. I am. Alina: And when you think in that direction and say to no, you that for your birthday, I don't care if you want or not, or how else. Sina: Yeah. ⁓ What happened to me was that I with two brothers, both of 1.90m so they're big, and they always me so much, plus my father too. I'm somehow also... So that's I, or what, our family we had a very strange food dynamic, that there was just complete envy for and everyone... Alina: Hmm. Sina: I fast. And I It's really deep inside me. I can it out. And I'm it out. It's really that I very, very fast. And very, fast when someone food That's also something. Because I so often as a teenager girl. Where somehow a piece of pizza was taken from my brothers. And that reminds me of what you said, what should she do? Eat I think it's part of the food etiquette in a family. That you just share that you a cake and say, okay, everyone gets a third. Maybe you'd say you get more than a third, but at least you a third. And then you over and say, okay, fastest gets most. I that's totally... I think it's really exhausting and really... It's me. Do you me, Alina? Alina: Now I you again. Something's with the internet today. Sina: ⁓ so that's what I said. Alina: Also, last one was the third of the cake piece that you should broken, that never had on Sina: Yes, and I said that it also me little bit, that you just go over and that the fastest always wins and not that you so fairly. Alina: Yeah, I think that was a learning process for us back My little brother isn't that small, he's also huge. And remember Nutella Glass, disappeared Sometimes I to hide so I could out But I that's normal It wasn't that bad So yeah. Sina: Ja, ja, Nee, es hat mich nur einfach so ein bisschen daran erinnert, ja. Alina: Come on. Hmm. Interesting story, definitely. Sina: But what also really... Yes, think so too. I had to a little bit, but as I said, if you move a little bit, what it actually means, I as I said, also crazy. Also, the is really intense is that he an empty box in the fridge. I don't know, I also feel so very disrespectful. Alina: Yeah, because someone else clean that Sina: Yeah, that's the last one. So, hey, I know. So, mega, mega weird. And what might also a topic is that she this family dynamic. I find it so exhausting when you anyone on your side. That's she about Reddit. It's a story that viral, it was on TikTok. Yes, that's why Reddit is so cool, that you can the crowd. Because when you're in your little mini family and everyone always says to you're exaggerating a and oh god, you can't expect him to eat that. I it very empowering that such platform gives you such a claim, also for such topic. Alina: Yes, definitely. Especially when she asks if it's exaggerated. But it's very disrespectful. Sina: Mm. Yeah, absolutely. What also think, what I myself, she also at beginning, somehow men eat as a means of I have to be I couldn't really follow what she meant I really to read and get smart about it. The only thing that mind is that, as I sometimes eat a horrendous amount compared to women. That's what comes mind. I know that. Do you any idea what she means by using male food as a weapon? Alina: So in this case, your father does. In general, I couldn't really see except that sometimes in very traditional families, it's decided what to based on what the father likes, so the the money in, who then gets the food and who may also to take a sip again Sina: you Alina: without... the rest is really... I think it's a of a strength thing. The man needs food to strong, to the money for the family. And think he's seen as a priority I can imagine Because I I've seen and noticed Sina: Hmm, yeah, spand, ja. Alina: But I I haven't it in time, but I have seen Sina: As a child I have noticed in family dynamics that the father is always at the table. You it well. It is definitely an interesting topic. Let's where it meet Exciting, a bit of another story. Alina: I imagine that in poorer cultures, that it a role. Because he is really food-oriented. It's a topic when the man gets the money or goes or something. I think that's something. Sina: Yeah. Okay, dann springen wir zur nächsten Story. Selbst bei Wut. Seine Wut zählt mehr als meine. Ich versuche gerade ein Gefühl in Worte zu fassen und frage mich, ob jemand anderes das auch kennt. In vielen Ehen hat das Gefühl, I have the feeling that many marriages the anger of the man weighs than that the woman. For example, when we a family trip with the children and he gets and says, I can't come with you, I the pressure to climb to persuade him and to ensure that the trip is not ruined. His refusal changes the plans of But when I get excited and say, well, then I'll at home, he as you wish. He the children and goes anyway. What I'm realizing now, it's not about who gets excited. It's about his anger having consequences. And mine, especially, to that I am When he himself back, everyone around him fits in. When I myself back, everyone fits in by doing without me. This leaves me the feeling that his participation is indispensable. Mine, as optional. Not necessarily conscious or malicious. But it feels like this. Has someone else this dynamic? Is there a name Or do I something about what actually happens Alina: I'll briefly summarize Sina: Okay, so it's... She describes the topic of and that the anger of man is more important than the of a woman. So if they a family trip and he says he won't with then she's okay and he has to with them. maybe she to somewhere else. So tries to the pressure out and to catch And if she shoots cross-legged and says, no, I can't do then everyone... So they try to her angry, but they say, alone. And she says that she realizes that she consequences For example, are changed, but not And question she raises is, is it generally the anger of the man, or... I don't if it's the anger, but this... Alina: But in both cases, in his case, it's about her being and the problem is arising. For me, it sounds like they're already on the and then the problem would arise that he gets Sina: Yeah. so much. I think it's not about specific problem, but generally. Whenever they have it's just an example. They say, we want a family trip, we want to And he says, no, I won't it. Then they change their And when she says, trip, I want to to the And says, no, I don't to, I prefer skiing. Then he says, yes, I'll go to without you. So a bisschen. Alina: Good. Sina: Okay, yeah, very exciting story. She says that her anger is important than hers. And what she says is that her anger or her anger has a consequence and hers doesn't. If she somehow denies it, it continue But if he denies it, as the head of the family, I'd that's how I it, then everyone around him around and tries to appease Alina: Yeah. Sina: And yes, exciting family dynamics in any case. reminds me personally directly of such a very, very traditional family dynamic, so... I that from traditional families. That the man has the last word. And if he doesn't want to, then it's like And it from the that the man always this financial power. Even if she her own account and can I can go without a dick. and pay yourself or something like But somehow there is this dynamic, that the boss is in house, he controls it and if he doesn't want to, we can't go. Alina: I think is a certain in marriage or in family that probably his anger or how he says has a much greater consequence. He is louder, more aggressive, he is still hours later if she would go somewhere While she is more to and has overall implication and says, okay, I'm with something else, I don't have to make Plan A. For me, Plan B is fine, too. It's when it works that. It's when as she describes it, where she less less... has So I would a little scared for Hmm. Sina: The whole family blessing is now wrong, it's being on. It's just really shitty. It's not a discussion that's after an hour. But what I see is the role of women. That women are socialized to add That's already from a age, that you as a woman or as a little girl often learn to back. And that doesn't stop when you're an adult. And I think that a lot of in her, without me out any guilt, but just that, okay, there's a... Alina: Yeah. Sina: So it's problem. It's okay, he doesn't to do something or he's crossing And I think that she can hardly stand either, or is he right to do So this need for I have to adjust somehow so that this situation somehow becomes climbing. Alina: Hmm. Sina: I think it's a mix in between. We don't But think a lot of from the woman. Alina: Yes. Sina: And yes, it's good that you notice It's always the first step. So you definitely notice that it's different That he, I'll maybe gets very clear that she's He doesn't the need for harmony all the time. That's more of a socialization of the boys who then say, I don't care. Alina: They didn't learn to adapt or change At least rarely. I don't want it a posh way. But I also think... I respect that situation. I a strong chicken in my head. My image. My image from the inside of my He's a man who might get really loud, maybe even really ignorant for days, if it's for him. But I wonder, what she What should she in this situation? I mean, she might really have to test out, to it's Sina: Hmm. Alina: or if she comes to me hey, I'd happy if we a compromise or if we this and that differently. I don't know. I she's so can only her the hint. But otherwise... I'm a bit scared that it's just a question and that it's just a being of his, where you don't get I don't know. Sina: Yeah. I don't so. Because if we really it say, okay, he's just up and then maybe uses psychological violence against her, that would be the next step, this love entanglement, this insecurity or something that. That's very manipulative and does a lot with one. So would be really worst case that she ended with a guy like that. Alina: Mm. Mm. Sina: who plays with you, then I would definitely advise you to think about how this the future and make it conscious. But if we assume that this is just a normal relationship, the guy is just normal guy, who then just across or something, without him somehow being crazy, then I definitely that, so I really Alina: Hmm. Sina: I think you should guess The first thing I say is, what you are writing how these differences are, make that husband is of it. So just about I hope that an open communication will light. And then I really as experiment and say, yourself to it. The next time he shoots cross-legged and you won't any... a simple compromise without having to change Then to go your own If you want to family trip to the beach and he doesn't to, you can anyway. Or it's not that far away, or somewhere else, or restaurant. So she just a bit and then observes what happens. So she doesn't always everything and just her needs to the And maybe she can improve I would she would start whining. because he doesn't know that she up for herself and then says, yes, I'll alone. But think long run, if you look for the conversation and maybe let's say, scales are so clad that it then bit away from these power struggles where he is now, towards equality in the relationship. My advice to her, that's I would approach it. Alina: Yeah, I think so too. Yes, I'm just a bit careful. I totally agree that. If you're positive towards I would definitely sign it. Go into a conversation and see how it develops. She has for herself, otherwise it long run. What do it won't anything? In the long run, she'll be unhappy. So yeah, I'm with it. As I said, just a little scared that it will just get stupid. Sina: Yeah, and that has its own tendencies. I want to... I'm about the topic of That's actually an indication, I think that's what you feel, that someone says, someone is angry. I don't that in a relationship, that someone is really angry. Really angry. Somehow my anger, his anger. I know that more like, the one is pissed or something. But that's how it is, this anger, which is... Alina: Mm. Sina: I understand that you have bad vibes about that he's a bit over the We definitely don't We can't look into the relationship too Alina: No, okay. Sina: Okay, think we're through. Very nice stories today. always, a very nice conversation with you. To listeners, please below this podcast episode what you think, especially about the stories, if you something to teach. If we didn't up enough. If you an exciting other perspective. We would very interested. Alina: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I was fun. Sina: And ⁓ until then, that's it and we look forward to the next episode. Until then, bye! Alina: Tschüss!