Tiera Fletcher: Welcome back to Rocket with the Fletchers, where faith lifts us, love grounds us, and rockets launch us.

Myron Fletcher: Today we're talking about something that affects every relationship, love languages.

Tiera Fletcher: Because when you're balancing careers, family, and responsibilities, sometimes love gets lost in the busyness.

Myron Fletcher: And understanding how your spouse experiences love can make a huge difference in your marriage, in your life, in every shape, form, or fashion of being of who you are. So the question for you today is, have you ever felt like you were showing love, but your spouse didn't feel it the same way?

Tiera Fletcher: That's a good question Myron. That's a good one. Because the concept of love languages, it helps explain how people express and receive love differently.

Myron Fletcher: And let's break it down. There's five commonly discussed love languages, and they include words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch. So the thing here is ⁓ these five well-known love languages, know, spouse might encouragement and verbal support, whereas the other spouse doesn't, right? And so, ⁓

Tiera Fletcher: There's five.

Myron Fletcher: With this, if you can understand your spouse's love language, you can really understand how to pinpoint, how to address certain issues, how to dive deep into makes that person feel the way they feel. Another feeling love through helpful actions, right? Somebody might, you know, you might in a relationship where somebody feels like, I need a little help around the house. I need help cleaning the house, right? And their love language might be ⁓ of service. So they might need you to pick up the broom. They might need you to pick up the clothes put them in the in washer machine. They might need you to help fold the clothes. They might need you to do these other things. You might have other ones where time together meaningful, even if it's simple moments. So for some people, when it comes to quality time, you know, a lot of people think quality time has to be, ⁓ a ⁓ hundred hours to this person per day. Sometimes quality time just means putting your phone away, turning the TV off and having a conversation to where, and a lot of times, for my males out there, a lot of times women bring us problems and issues and they're not even looking for solutions. And so sometimes we have to step back and be that soapbox. We have to step back and be the mirror and just listen. Sometimes you have a wife, that has that thing of quality time, a lot of times she's bringing you issues, she's bringing you all these things. And I always tell people, men, we want to fix everything. So if you bring a problem to a man, this is for the women to hope you understand this. When you bring us a problem, the first thing in our mind is like, how can I fix it? How can I make it right? How can I do X, Y, and Z? If you don't want us to do that, you need to have a conversation on, hey, I just want to tell you about my day. I'm not necessarily asking you to go fix it. Yeah, I had a had a hard time at work today with my coworker. My coworker said something that I didn't like. I'm not asking you to go back behind me and go talk to my coworker and tell him how you feel X, Y, Z. I'm just telling you what happened. have those conversations, right? Be open and be honest. And so, for a quick discussion point here, Tierra, how did we first realize we express love differently? And I'm asking this question because I think a lot of people ⁓ especially newer married couples, think that love is transactional in one way. And it's like, if I give you this, you give me that. And I think that's even if you're not in a marriage, right? It's like, if you're going through the stage of courting or wherever stage you are in your life, it's like, becomes this transactional thing. But if don't understand that your way expressing love and your way of your spouse of receiving love are two different ways, there's going to be a lot of headbuttons. And that's going to be a lot of stressful moments for no reason. So Tiara, I posed the question, how do we first realize we express love differently?

Tiera Fletcher: And I just want to say that you were just speaking off of experience talking about quality time because you know that's it for me. I love ⁓ that attentive quality time. So just hit all the nails for that But back to your question, back to your question, how do we first realize that we express love differently? It was really just discovering. who we are as individuals, right? Even before marriage, just trying to figure out, you know, like, do you care about gifts on Valentine's Day? I learned real quick that you do not care about gifts on Valentine's Day. In terms of words of affirmation, I think that words are very important to you, but are really a man of action. ⁓ Action even more important to you. saying one thing like I would say sorry we talked about how sorry for you It's not really you know the most important thing versus just doing it differently next time right just the action and so quality time I discovered that my version of quality time wasn't exactly the same version of your quality time Because as you have so eloquently I love the phones down during dinner time, eye contact, talking deeply about whatever it is, even though you don't have to solve all the issues that I'm talking about. I love that. For you, you you love to be able to talk to me, of course. But quality time in itself, it just doesn't look the same as having to put the phones down. You're OK with phones up. Matter of fact, you love to just watch a show together, to just be in the same space, even if we're just working in completely different head spaces. But just the togetherness, just the presence, it means a lot for you. Another thing is acts of service. Even when it comes to washing dishes. clothes things that nature you hold a lot of value to that I can just see your eyes just light up even if go and get your favorite food or just surprise you with one of your favorite activities those are things you really really value and for me ⁓ It goes back to quality time. You can get me gifts for some gifts, you know, they stick. But time, it always outweighs anything. Just able have those moments with you because I value memories, right? And so it's not saying that you don't, but it's just learning about which love languages that you prioritize because it's okay. to have more than one love language. And it's also okay to evolve because we've been together for almost 10 years now, right? So the love language that I had when we first met is probably not exactly the same as what I have today. Fast forward 10 years and that's okay. I think that that just comes with learning your spouse, but not just learning me, just learning one version of me, but continuing to learn. who I am within that moment and who I'm becoming. so yeah, yeah, that's my thought for your question because I think that sometimes people, are truly loving each other well, just in different languages. intent can be one-to-one, just the expression, the way that they're shown to love, can just be different.

Myron Fletcher: Good. That's good. I'm glad you broke it down from my perspective. want to move back around to the five love languages as well, because we talk about words of affirmation. What are words of affirmation? And ⁓ in words of affirmation, is very broad love language. All these love languages are broad, by the way. They're not a pinpoint, like, hey, it has to be this way or it has to be that way. But there are people who just want to be told, you look good today. words of affirmation. And so the key here is when you're in your relationship, when you're within your marriage, when you're trying to figure out what the love language is, the key is to ask the question. What is it that if a, want words of affirmation, say, what words of affirmation do you need? What is it you need? Hey, tell me I look good today. Tell me I smell good today. Tell me. You like it when I wear certain jeans. Tell me you like it when I wear certain shoes. Like, that conversation because that's key because you don't know what you don't know. other thing in quality time, we kind of talked about this, right? You know, like she said, we have a love language of quality time, but it's different. It's different scales to it. Tierra is like, don't want nothing else to be involved, just me and you out of eye contact. And I want your non-invited attention. I don't want to hear no music. I don't want to see no TV screen. I just want you. That's version of quality time. I have to understand that. I respect that. And I give her that time. We just had quality time before we started this podcast today. And so was literally everything was down and it was, all right, babe, what's going on? ⁓ just told me how she felt. Okay, all right. And she up, we got on the podcast. That's simple and easy. But that's her quality time. Acts of service. Acts of service can be a multitude of things. My goodness, mean, could tying your partner's shoes, cutting nails, painting your wife want to go. So one thing with my wife, gifts, ⁓ she could less about gifts, which as a husband makes me a happy husband, but she saves me a lot of money. We first started I tried to buy her the brand new heels, the red bottoms.

Tiera Fletcher: doing my nails. That's an act of service.

Myron Fletcher: the gold necklaces, the gold and silver chains, the diamond necklaces, the diamond rings. I tried to buy it all, the nicest cars you could buy. And she was like, I don't want none of that. And I was like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You mean to tell me I don't have to go buy you a Louis Vuitton purse? I don't have to go buy you the Coach bag? I don't have to go buy you the Gucci belt? I don't have to go buy, and she was like, that means nothing to me. And I'm just gonna be honest, that, ooh. that does something to me, that's called three boys. That does something to me. Because to me, that's a really big thing. In our society, a lot of people are on the gift. Their love language is the gift thing. And the gift thing, like I say, is nothing wrong with it. I'm just thankful for me and mine. But like I say, and as for me and my house, Tierra could care less about gifts. And it's funny because I know a lot of people when it comes to her birthday. when it comes to Mother's Day, they're like, ⁓ what are you going to get Tiara? And I have to be super strategic. Because if it's a gift that I give her, it's very few gifts that she still has that I've given her that hit it on the nail. But gifts is just not her love language. She could less about gifts. And that's a struggle, because when it comes down to big holidays and big days, I'm like, where do I get her? And so for Tiara, what I get her are experiences. I give her quality time. I give her physical touch. I give her acts of service. I give her all these other things that other people would call gifts. I give it to her in a different shape, form, or fashion. So in your marriage, figure out, like I said, your wife might be big on gifts. And if she is, you need to figure out how to budget, to make it happen. If she wants the seven-carat diamond ring, and if she wants the... You know, the Gucci belt and she wants the Louis Vuitton shoes. She wants the red bottom. You got to figure out how to buy those $2,000 shoes. Okay? And that's just, hey, you signed up for it. Congratulations. no, no, no, no. But yeah, and then of course there's physical touch, right? And that could be Tierra thing and she likes to hold hands. It don't matter where we are. We could be on a roller coaster ride. She's like, baby, give me your hand. I'm like, baby, we about to, you be a little screaming right here. We about to go in some loops. We about she like, just give me your hand. She loves the whole hand. That's her thing. It don't matter where we are. hands is her thing, right? So whatever it is, figure it out for your spouse as soon as you can, and then begin to on it, begin to build it. And as she mentioned, your love language has changed over time, right? That was a time we didn't have three kids. we had whole bunch of free time, right? And so now... not having that so-called free time, the love language may have changed from instead of that type of quality time is this type of quality time. So really is you want to get to the place of where you discover each other's love languages. And early in our marriage, you often assume your spouse experiences love the same way you do.

Tiera Fletcher: But learning how the other person receives love can be eye opening. They may not be the one who wants to be surprised by skydiving. Like maybe that's not an experience that they need to show that you love them. Maybe that's just not it. Even though that's something that you really enjoy, that may not be something that they enjoy. And then for some people, some people do not like hugs. But you can be an absolute hugger and this goes for relationships. This can go for friendships. I had a friend who did not like hugs at all and it didn't mean that you know, she didn't love me or that she didn't want to you know, be next to me or anything like that. But it was just a boundary that she just did not she doesn't like it. Physical touch was just not it. But going back to relationships There can also be just one person just appreciating encouragement during stressful work seasons or different life seasons. Even if there is a death in the family and maybe you're at a loss of words, but just saying that, you know, it's going to be okay. Just that slight, just those few words can just show that you love them, show that you care. Another feeling could be supported when tests are shared at home. Now this is a biggie, I would say, for spouses, especially with children, when you're trying to prepare the lunches, do the homework, do laundry, take care of the cars, take care of the yard, all these different tasks that happen at home. Sharing those responsibilities, again, going back to the acts of service, stepping in when your spouse doesn't feel well, even though they have the duty to do the laundry, but you realize that they don't feel well, so you're go do it. That's, you're just, you know, you're operating within their love language. They're smiling, they're happy, you're giving them joy, even though they're not feeling well. It could also just be a simple time together. That's just meaningful when schedules are busy. so easy to get lost in the day to day when it comes to work and all these other demands that come up. But taking those five minutes, those 10 minutes to just spend time with the person that you care about. knowing that quality time is their love language can cause so much joy for that person. And Myron, you hit on the nail as well. You were talking about when first met, quality time was still my love language, but that quality time would look like an hour or two. These days, not ⁓ long ⁓ we have a little guy just walking into our space, walking into our quality time. So it can be five minutes, 10 minutes. And then sometimes we prioritize those date nights so that can have that hour or two to be able have that quality time that I care so much about. So I think that Just being able to understand somebody's love language can really just even, I would even say, avoid arguments for misunderstandings, for miscommunications. If you have a spouse who is super big on their birthday, right? But you're not super big on birthdays, but you don't have that understanding of just knowing that, know, celebrating a birthday is just a really big part of showing them that you love them. then there's just going to be a miscommunication that's going to happen. There's going to be respect. There's going to be an issue. The same are doing with physical touch. If you have a spouse that is super big on physical touch and you don't even give them a high five anything of that nature, just a touch on the shoulder, anything, ⁓ going to be big to them. They want to think that you hate them. Like that's going to be their whole mindset. But just having the conversation, being able to talk about But look, what are the other things that are important to you? What are the love languages that just show you that someone loves you, right? Like before you hit the altar, well before you hit the altar, even as you're starting a new relationship, just understanding what they like. And then also you can also figure out if they like something that you really don't like, that also be a conversation of well, is this gonna work or not? either way is going to be beneficial for how you're able to thrive in that relationship or be able to move forward to a different relationship that does work for you like and what you you want to experience with your spouse your significant other and so think that we talked about how assumptions can cause misunderstandings in terms of languages and different events of that nature But Myra, I want to hear from your perspective. Why do you think assumptions can cause misunderstandings in general?

Myron Fletcher: question. I want to first caveat with, you know, in pre-marital counseling for us, we made a commitment that we would refuse to assume. And I think I talk all this saving marriage and all the saving grace in our marriage, that has saved us so much pain, so much headache, because before pre-marital counseling, we definitely had a bunch of assumptions. And with the pre-barrier to capture, I was like, ⁓ you don't feel that way? ⁓ you don't think that way? ⁓ you don't do that? shoot. I you did. I thought you did. And so assumptions are deadly. They ⁓ literally deadly in any relationship, not just husband-wife, mean, coworker relationships, peer relationships, whatever it might be. Assumptions are deadly because you begin to assume a person wants a thing or likes a thing, and they absolutely hate it. And I've seen couples who've been divorced and they've been married for 20 years. And at the end of the marriage, they're like, I hate it when such and such says such and such. And I'm like, for 20 years, you allowed them to do X, Y, and Z and you didn't say nothing? Like what? And so imagine all the tension that's built up on assumption because you assume this person liked that, you assume this person didn't like that and you didn't do things. so... You know, the key there is in assumptions causing major misunderstandings. The key is don't assume. Do not assume and ask the question. You know, like I said, Tierra, if you don't want to guess, well, what do you want? And then she's going to say, well, want to spend time with you. Tierra, what do you want for your birthday? And I asked Tierra, what do you want for your birthday? Tierra, what do you want for Mother's Day? I don't think it's anything wrong with it. I usually surprise her and get us something completely different. But hey, that's just who I am. And she still loves it because she knows my love language is an act of service, right? And so there's things I like to do where it's like she might want it a certain way, but I'm going to do it completely different. It might still co-mingle what she wants. But at least I'm not assuming on just randomly going out and getting her some red bottoms, which I tried before. And she was like, take those back. And I'm like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what? Like I've spent all this hard, buddy. You want me to go take this back? And I took it right back, took that buddy right back to the bank. Thank you Lord. But long story short, assumptions deadly. So that's my two cents there.

Tiera Fletcher: And that's really good. That's really good. Thank you for breaking that down. You also talked about really intentional communication, improving relationships. Our version of that was going through premarital counseling, having some questions that were brought to us. And that we just didn't talk about serious things, but with premarital counseling, it focuses on serious topics that can make or break a relationship, make or break a marriage. So we went through questions that challenged us and what we think going a little bit deeper. Of course, we had the chance to experience each other, learn about each other, but those questions allowed us to just focus in on, well, what do you think about this? Or what do you think about this? So I think that having intentional communication like you described as well of saying like, okay, well, what do you want for Mother's Day or Father's Day? Or does ⁓ day after work look like for you? How you want that to flow? What do you envision your husband doing to contribute to your marriage and vice versa? I think that having those more pointed questions can allow for that intentional communication to happen and ultimately a relationship. So reflection point. What small actions make your spouse feel most appreciated, audience? Let us know in the comments.

Myron Fletcher: Yeah, that's a really good question. And I hope you guys ask your spouse that, and I hope you know those answers. what small actions make your spouse feel most appreciated? That is, if you don't know the answer to that, then I hope you today, this episode encourages you, uplifts you, and you go ask that question. it's the things that build up that make things great, right? So that, ⁓ man, that's a really good reflection there, Tiara. And I kind of want to switch gears here as we press forward. So, and kind of talk about showing love during busy seasons, right? So we talk about kind of early marriage where we have this free time and then we get married and then we got kids and now it's busy. How do you keep these things? So challenge couples face is expressing love when life becomes demanding.

Tiera Fletcher: between work responsibilities, parenting, commitments. It's easy to operate in survival mode, right? You go to work, you come home, you cook dinner, you put the kids to bed, you may read a book or so, do a little workout, you go to sleep, rinse and repeat, right? And it's just a push through the week. It's just to make it to the weekend. But then, you you get to the weekend, you have all these different. other commitments that you have to go to. You have that family member's wedding, you have that baseball game, football game, piano recital, dance recital, all these different commitments that you have that you end up just being in survival mode. And so sometimes showing love can take a backseat because you're just so busy completing actions, right? to do all the different things that you have on your agenda, on your itinerary for the week. So there's just different things that can be done such as encouraging each other during stressful work periods, right? there's that big project or there's just this big milestone ⁓ that's and there's just more demands that's put on your spouse or your significant other, being that voice. There have been many nights where Myron has to be my encouraging voice and vice versa. after we've done all the different things that I described, you know, go to work, come home, cook dinner, all these different things, there's still some work that needs to be done because of a big milestone that's coming up the next day. So there's just a few more hours that are needed to just cross the finish line. And I'm just typing, just trying to get it done. And that can go for work, it can go for school, both. You're just my whole time love language, just being by my side. just being by my side through it all and just giving me the encouragement that I need to push through. Like, hey, you know what? It's gonna be done tomorrow. Just think about the finish line and you'll be good, right? Don't even stop. Just keep pressing until you're done. I got you. Do you need some water? Do you need anything to eat? Do need anything while I'm up? All of those little elements, they're a building for me to keep pressing. And I would imagine that with anyone who was going through something, being a support for that person, that's big. But making time for conversation even during those busy weeks. So let's say that same scenario, right? Like I'm pressing, I'm trying to get this stuff done. Taking five minutes, Like what's five minutes gonna do? I can drink a cup of tea with enough caffeine to give me five more minutes to stay up, right? But taking five minutes just to have a conversation. Like, Ma, how was your day? How were you doing? How was your work schedule looking? How are you? Are you feeling well? You good? Like just having those five minutes of conversation can make a big difference because you're intentionally making time to spend with that person. Despite how short or how long it is, it's the intent behind it. It's significant because despite everything that you have going on, you're making time for that person. And then supporting each other emotionally during challenging seasons. Life be life-in, that's the phrase, right? Life be life-in. There can be a job loss, there can be a pet who passed away, can just be ⁓ sorts of different things that tug on our emotions day in and day out. You can watch the news and you can have an emotional tug just real quick within just a few minutes. There just a lot of different things that happens in adulthood that can just cause for a challenging season. So being a support for your spouse, for your significant other and vice versa can really make or break your ability to get through it, to navigate You know, when there's ⁓ natural disaster that takes place, whether up the street or in a completely different country, being able to have a conversation with your spouse and say, hey, what are we doing in that situation? Or if you're in that situation, having the conversation of, how I'm gonna get through this together, right? And just build so much more teamwork in the mix to let you know that you're not alone and that you ultimately do have a support system within your very household. And then recognize it when your spouse needs encouragement. Now, for my folks out there who likes to internalize their thoughts emotions, and you have a mind reader, as a spouse. I say this because I get into this phase sometimes. has to be a mind reader. But just being able to recognize when something is a little bit off with your spouse. Like maybe they're not as bubbly or maybe just not telling jokes in that particular time. Like for Myron, I know that if he's not doing something random and loud, I got to check on him because that's his personality, right? And so I can see if he needs encouragement, if he needs some medicine, whatever it may be, I can analyze him and figure out what's going on. But that comes with experience. It comes with actually looking and observing your spouse. I see you there laughing at me. like, yeah, right. If not doing something crazy, you know, call you crazy out of love. I know that I have to check on you. because that's just, you know, that's your personality. So discussion points though, discussion points. Let's talk about it. do couples stay connected ⁓ demanding seasons? I want to hear from you Myron, since you're over there giggling anyway. ⁓ want to hear from you.

Myron Fletcher: Yeah. I'm That's the first time I heard that way, guys. You said, know, recognizing your spouse needs encouragement. If Myra is loud and crazy, he needs encouragement. That is what I just heard. I'm it in. I'm taking it in. You know, ⁓ that's a good question. know, it's funny because, you know, we do a lot of outreach. And usually the question we get is how in the world you guys have time

Tiera Fletcher: Yeah.

Myron Fletcher: to spend with us when we're doing our outreach activities. when I think about that, I'm like, man, like every season we're in is demanding. Since we've been married, there hasn't been a season that hasn't been demanding. I think that the biggest thing is mindset. It's having the right mindset and having the connectedness to say, regardless of what we're going through this season, like demanding season. We're both getting our doctorates right now. We're both in the very final stages, getting ready to go into our oral defenses, trying to out our manuscripts. Our boys are heavy into baseball season. Tierra's getting ready to transition into another role at work. There are so many moving pieces right now that it's like, we can easily shut down and be like, just screw it all. There's gonna lay here and call it quits, right? But our mindset says no, even though the season is demanding. We still have to love each other. We still have to encourage each other. We still have to build with each other. We still have to keep the small things that got us together. We have to keep those things in rotation. And that's just encouragement to the couples out there. Remember those date nights as you first used to go on. was just, if it was just to go to the coffee shop or if it was just to go get dessert, go back to that. Take time, take 15, 20 minutes during your lunch break to go do something that you used to do. that has kind of been swept under the rug, right? I call it, I don't let two days go by without me doing the same thing over and over again. It's habitual, there's one part of it, so that you don't forget how to do things, but it's thing to say, hey, my work is demanding and this is demanding and I just don't have time to love you. Like, what are you talking about? Like you should always make time. And one of my favorite phrases is, if you want to know what a man loves, look at where he spends his time. And so, and this is for all of the ladies out there. a man says he loves you and he's not spending time with you, you better go figure out what he's spending time with. Because whatever a man spends times with, he loves. And that is, I wish there was a scripture that Jesus quoted that said, hey, wherever a man time goes is where his heart goes. But it wasn't quoted that way. But I can 100 % guarantee you. And a lot of people might say, well, my husband spends a lot of time at work. Well, this is for all of the ladies out there. a man says he loves you and he's not spending time with you, you better go figure out what he's spending time with. Because whatever a man spends times with, he loves. If he spends a lot of time at work, does that work pay him so that he can do things for you in the family? Because it's not that he loves the work more than you. The thing is he loves you enough to go do the work so that he can provide for you. And so don't twist the words and say, well, Myron said, you spend time with what you love and you spend 20 hours a day at work, why is he spending 20 hours a day at work? Is it because he's trying progress himself in a career? But he can set his family up to be exponentially wealthy, to be exponentially successful. Is it to where he could go and buy you those new shoes you want, go buy you that new Mercedes you want, go buy you these different things you want? So don't take it as, he doesn't spend time with me, he doesn't love me. No, time is tied up because he does love you. He's trying to go do all these things for you. Now, if you get to the point to where those things become too much overwhelming for you, that's that... That's that clear communication and being intentional about your conversations like, hey, I know I have these great desires. I know I want these red bottoms that cost $3,000. But hey, instead of you working overtime this week, forget the red bottoms. I just want to spend time with you. Have that conversation versus, my husband spends so much time at work or he spends so much time doing or that. Now, video games, that's a whole other level. Yeah, I can get on that one. because I know a lot of males will spend hours upon hours upon hours of video games and then barely give their wife any attention. That's another conversation for another day. But the fact of the matter is where a man spends his time, you find out what a man loves by where he spends his time. And so hopefully for my video game, there's nothing wrong with playing games. But if your wife is constantly saying, hey, can you spend time with me? Or hey, can you turn the game off? Maybe you need to pull back on the game.

Tiera Fletcher: Good day.

Myron Fletcher: Like maybe you need to calm down a little bit because outside of couples trying to stay connected during demanding seasons, which is a great question, the other discussion prompt that I can kind of think of there is what intentional habits help protect the marriage, Tiara?

Tiera Fletcher: Communication, communication. Speaking up if something is happening or if you're not receiving something, being able to have that conversation of, hey, you know what, I would really appreciate if you could do more of this or if you could do more of that. That can help protect a marriage. It can keep it well. And then on the same end, you know, also approaching your spouse and saying. Hey, did you appreciate or did you like when I did that? Or how would you like me to do that differently? Or just let me know your thoughts. Just being able to open up that conversation. communication is truly, that's just the main thing. That goes into so many different areas of what comes along with marriage. We about in terms of love languages in itself, but also just the way to just be able to just be. ⁓ with each other, right? Communicating in terms of, how are we allotting our time? How are we meshing our schedules together? How are we dealing with our future building? How we dealing with managing our present? What should we do differently going into this next season? All of these different elements, they all start with communication. And some conversations can be quite difficult, but not all of them are meant to be easy. But ultimately, having the conversation, but creating that space welcome-ness to be able to allow spouse to come to you, and then also set the expectation of you being able to come to your spouse. So having that safe space to be able to have those conversations without the detriment of it all just ending, right? Of being able to be transparent with each other and respectfully be mature in conversation. So communication. I think that small actions, often mean more than gestures as well. So if you having that small check in saying, hey, know, how are you doing? Or hey, know what, did you, do you like, which color do you like for this particular gift, right? Those are just small things that you're doing in order to build up. to a grand gesture, whatever that may look like. that is getting that gift, if that is providing that ⁓ act of service, if that is providing whatever it looks like to be able to show that you are speaking their love language, having those small consistent actions along the way, goes a really long way. But Mari, can you give us some practical takeaways?

Myron Fletcher: Absolutely. And before I go into the practical takeaways, I really want to circle back around to what you said to reiterate, it's the small, consistent actions. So don't keep it small and not consistent. And don't keep it consistent without it being small. If you keep it small and consistent, those actions, almost like the snowball method of trying to pay off debt. They roll and roll and roll and it gets massive. And then next thing you know, something happens and it's done. Right. So small, consistent actions often mean more than grand gestures. That was a good one, Tierra. And so to our practical takeaways for today. So here are three practical takeaways that can strengthen your connection. Number one is your spouse's love language. We have given you the five love languages today. We hope you take time and energy to go learn their love languages. Understanding what matters most of them is key. forget, sometimes have to say, forget what I want. What do you want? What do you need spouse? What do you need wife? What do you need husband? And so the first practical takeaway is go learn your spouse's love languages if you don't know them. Ask is another way to learn the love language. Hey, I learned about these five love languages from the Rocker with the Fletcher's podcast. Hey, you, which of these represent? Do any of these represent what desire and what you want? And then once you get that understanding, now you can to feel and love your spouse the way they... Receive love speak to them the way they receive the speaking language Talk to them the way they they receive talking so Understanding what matters most of them is key. That's practical takeaway number one number two communicate appreciation Regularly so encouragement strengthens relationship You should be encouraging your spouse on a day-to-day basis If not more than that, you should be doing it multiple times throughout the day I do this, I have a little thing where it's an encouragement. I send my wife a little heart through I am. And I know good and well she gets encouraged because she always smiles and giggles and it gets all excited when she sees that little heart. But it's little bitty things. Like I say, it doesn't have to be these grand gestures. like, I a billboard up and I put your face on it and I showed the world I love you. Like, no, just the small things. Communicate appreciation regularly with your spouse and encouragement strengthens relationships. And the third takeaway here is protect time together. I'm say that again. Protect time together. Intentional time builds emotional connection. And so one thing that you have to do in your marriage is you have to protect the time together. You can't allow outside forces, outside demands, children, X, Y, Z to pull away. the intentional time that you should be spending with your spouse. You have to protect the time above all else because that's one thing we don't get back at that time. And in so many times I've lived and learned this lesson through others where I hear them say, I wish I would have. And to me, is a life I refuse to live. That's a life that I wouldn't encourage anybody to live. I wouldn't encourage you to live on any wishes. The thing is, protect the time. be intentional and that intentional time builds emotional connections. And when those emotional connections are built, I used to always see these older couples have conversations without ever talking to each other. And I remember as a kid, I could see a mom and a dad just look at each other and they would be having a conversation. And I was like, man, I want my spouse to be like that. I want my wife where I can just look at her and she knows what I'm saying. And today me and my wife have that relationship. I can just look. And it's like, we already know, OK, this is my own shit, that my own shit. It's like we're doing mind reading to each other. She calls me a mind reader all the time, which is another discussion for another day. But protect the time together. So the three practical takeaways to recap. your spouse's love language, communicate regularly, and then protect time together. And a that we want to give you from Rocket with the Fletchers today is ask your spouse What makes them feel most appreciated this week? So that's our challenge to you. want to go back to your spouse. Hey, babe, what makes you feel most appreciated? and easy. And listen. Don't interject. Don't put, hey, I think this makes you feel good. I think, no. Hey, babe, what makes you feel most appreciated? Just ask that simple question. And so, Tiara, with that being said, can you give us our faith anchor to tie us out today?

Tiera Fletcher: That's good. Yes, absolutely. A scripture that speaks to love and relationships. It is 1 Corinthians chapter 13, verse four through seven. Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It does not dishonor others. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, hopes, always perseveres. And I tell you that I think about this scripture, probably every day, because I try to operate in right? Of course, within our marriage, but also just the way that I approach others. I always think everything that God has done for me and how he loves me despite me. I try my best to provide that to others that I come across, even if they don't return the same favor. I and think about what love means within this scripture.

Myron Fletcher: you so much. First Corinthians 13, four through seven. Recap, love requires patience, kindness, and And strong relationships grow through intentional care. So if this episode encouraged you, we want to encourage you to follow, like, subscribe, and tune into the rest of our podcast.

Tiera Fletcher: and share with someone who values strengthening their marriage, their relationship. episode, we're talking about when dreams feel bigger than your resources, trusting when the vision is larger than your current situation. And strong relationships require intentional love, even in seasons, period. And before we leave you all today, we do want close out in prayer. So God, thank you so much for allowing us to come together and to talk about this magical thing that you have created called love. Thank you for teaching us how to love. Thank you for showing us how to love. And we pray that you continue to pour into us and pour into our hearts so that we can love others as you love us. In Jesus name we pray, amen.

Myron Fletcher: Amen. And with that being said, Rocking with the Fletches. Have a good one. Until next time.