Tim Fortescue: Before we begin, a quick favor. If this podcast has been meaningful to you, would you consider leaving a review? It really helps others find the space. And if you haven't already, you can download your free IFS meditations at exploreifs.com. Welcome back to IFS Meditations and Insights. I'm Tim Fortescue, your guide on this journey toward wholeness through the lens of internal family systems. Together, we're creating a sacred space to explore, accept, and love all parts of ourselves. As we do this work, we open ourselves to experiencing divine love and living more authentically. Let's begin. Today I want to talk about something not flashy, not groundbreaking, but foundational. You've heard me say it before, just a drop of self, not enlightenment, not total calm, not becoming a different person. just a drop, and how that one small shift can change everything. One of the most common things I hear from people is some version of this. I just wanna stop being this way. Stop being reactive. Stop overthinking. Stop shutting down. Stop getting so anxious. Stop feeling so much. And underneath that wish is usually a part that believes growth means elimination, ⁓ or there's part saying if I've healed enough, this won't happen anymore. And those parts are often to those parts that say stop shutting down, stop getting so anxious, stop feeling so much, et cetera. But that's not how it works. In internal family systems, we understand the mind is naturally multiple. They're parts of us that manage, parts that protect, parts that react, plan, numb, criticize, and soothe. Nothing is wrong with you for having them. We all have them. The suffering doesn't come from having parts. It comes from being blended with them. And here's a key in not knowing it. Let me share a moment from not long ago. It was a weekday morning, one of those slightly chaotic family mornings that I imagine a lot of you or some of you may know well. Kids getting ready, backpacks, shoes missing. And if you're in a place where there's a winter climate, snow gear. Someone couldn't find something important. Five minutes, no. two minutes before we needed to leave. And I can feel that anxiety. that surge, that tightening in my chest. And often I have a part, there's actually someone that's pushing to get out the door and I'm saying, we've got time, we've got time, and often we do. There's a lot of anxiety. And I notice that tightening in my chest. I'm not being respected, understood, listened to, or I'm being disrespected. There's urgency. And that quiet inner voice. Why does this always happen? I have a part that really wants to be respected, valued. Understood. Heard out. And when things don't cooperate, that part goes into overdrive. In that moment. And in those moments, I feel myself starting to take on its tone, sharpen voice, short answers. Just listen, because I said so. Come on, stop talking. Frustration builds underneath everything. Now here's the important part. Or maybe I should say, here's the important aspect. We mention parts a lot. Nothing dramatic happened. No one stormed out, no one slammed a door. Well, or did they? But internally, I know I was blended. And then something small shifted. noticed it. Notice the urgency. Notice the tightness. Notice the part working so hard that wanted to be valued and respected. And I didn't fix it. I didn't tell myself, come on, just get over it. We'll deal with this later. Got young kids. Makes sense they disrespect from time to time or they don't listen. I didn't reach for some spiritual override. ⁓ just be calm or just breathe. You've got this. I just quietly said inside myself, ⁓ There you are. That was it. Just a drop of self. A little space opened up between me and the urgency. And in that space, I could feel what that part was actually trying to do. It wasn't trying to control my family. It wasn't trying to prevent chaos. It was trying to... be heard, to be understood, because it hasn't always. And it was trying to protect me from the pain and the stress of when I'm not respected or when I don't feel valued. And when that part felt seen, even just a bit internally, my tone softened. Not because I forced it to, but because I wasn't fully blended anymore. The morning didn't become perfect. Yeah, there was some screaming and yelling in the car. but it became human. We can sometimes think self has to be big or feel big. Has to be all calm, centered, radiant, unmoved by anything. But in real life, with kids, work, responsibilities, and stress, self-usually shows up as something much quieter. Here's some examples of what a drop of self is. Self can be, I notice I'm overwhelmed right now. That noticing, that self. Self can be, there's a part of me that's really reactive right now. that little space between you and the reaction, that self. It doesn't take 100%. And if you ever get to 100%, let me know how you did that. It doesn't take full embodiment of all eight C's. It takes one moment of awareness, one breath, one internal sentence. There's a part of me. And the moment you say that, you're already less blended. Here's what I've learned over time and through real experiences. When parts feel unseen, they escalate. When protectors feel ignored, they get louder. When we shame them, they dig in deeper. But when they feel noticed, truly noticed, without being corrected, something shifts. even if it's subtle. The system relaxes a little, trust grows a little, safety increases a little, and over time, those shifts accumulate. It's like adjusting the climate of your inner world. Not a thunderstorm clearing all at once. More like the temperature changing gradually. From urgency to steadiness. From criticism to curiosity. From control to connection. So here's something you can return to anytime. You don't need a journal, even though journals are good. and helpful. You don't need an hour of silence. You don't need everything to be calm first. Just pause. Notice one part that's present. Ask yourself, how do I feel toward that part? If the answer is frustrated, annoyed, or embarrassed, that's okay. That just means another part is here too, and that's a part that sometimes we can miss. But notice that one that's reacting. See if you can find even 1 % more space between you and the part so you can have more relationship. It's just enough to say, I see you. You don't have to unburden or maybe some unburdening is happening. You don't have to go deep. You don't have to resolve anything today. You're building relationship and relationship changes systems. One of the things I care most deeply about is sustainable growth. I tend to be all or nothing, black or white, learning to live more in the mystery. I have been doing that for many years now, but ⁓ still trying to lean into what is sustainable growth, what that means for me and my system. But not hype, not emotional highs, not dramatic breakthroughs that fade by Monday or Tuesday. If I make a commitment on Sunday night. Sustainable growth is slow. Relational, repetitive. It's coming back again and again. Another drop of self today, another one tomorrow. And over months and years, you start to notice something. Your reaction soften faster. Your recovery shorten. Your inner critic isn't quite as loud. Your protectors trust you more. Not because you eliminated them, but because you led them gently, consistently with presence. So wherever you are today, blended, calm, tired, distracted, quietly hopeful, see if you can find just a little space. You don't need to be a different person. You don't need to win some inner battle. You just need a drop. Here's the beautiful part. That drop is already in you. It's not something you manufacture. It's not something you earn, it's something you allow. Thank you for being here. Thank you for this work. Wherever you're listening from, in your car, on a walk, in the quiet of your home, I trust that something steady inside you is growing. You're not alone. You're beloved. That wraps up another episode of IFS Meditations and Insights. If today's episode was meaningful to you, please follow, subscribe, and share with someone who might need it. A positive review helps more people find this healing work. And don't forget, you can get your free IFS Meditations at exploreifs.com. And until our next session, be gentle with yourself. And I'll do the same because... We're beloved human beings.