Tom Gilding: Yeah. Okay. Welcome to Inside My Head, the podcast. This is me trying to understand how my brain works in real time. ADHD, autism, and everything that comes with it. Usually by thinking out loud. Through work, through life, and sometimes through running. Where some thoughts are useful, some are questionable, and some probably should have stayed in my head. Some episodes will be clear and some won't. But we'll figure something out either way. I'm Tom. Thank you for letting me be part of your day. Let's get into it. Welcome back to another episode of the Inside My Head podcast. And you're probably thinking, Tom, the audio sounds different, or you know, what's what's going on? I can hear people in the background. Well, I'm recording this sat at the airport gate. I've just been through security and I've got about forty-five minutes to an hour before they start boarding. So I'm sat in the quietest corner that I could find, which to be honest, took some doing. And I wanted to record it here because I think airports can be one of the most honest tests of how I'm actually doing. And it's not necessarily the holiday or the destination, it's the airport itself. So everyone talks about the trip. But there's a lot that goes around the trip that I don't think we talk about enough. And I want to start it the day before travel. Or even the week before travel. Because I think there's so much more that goes into this than people think. So let's take this trip that I'm on at the moment. It's a two day business trip. I've known about it for about a month, which is totally fine. I had some stuff going on this week, so that I didn't pack until late last night. So you've got to think about what to pack. Then you've got to think about how you're getting to the airport. And if you're traveling early morning, which a lot of travel to airports is, that's particularly stressful for me. And the reason that that's particularly stressful for me tends to be connected to the bathroom. Now, I was on a podcast recently, the Spicy Brain podcast, where I talked a little bit about this and how I thought that I had IBS for many years, and actually turned out I maybe I did, maybe I didn't, but I definitely had autism and ADHD. And that sensitivity or increased sensitivity was some of the reasoning as to why I felt so anxious or like I was going to poo myself, to be honest. when I would travel in the morning I used to get so nervous about it and it was quite quite catastrophic and restricting to what I could and couldn't do. So travel to the airport is one thing that is really challenging. Then you actually get to the airport and you've got to figure out the security stuff, which to be honest, I'm a bit of an expert at, so that's totally fine. then you've got to try and find where you need to go in the airport. What are the food options going to be? What are the like toilet scenarios, etc., where you're gonna sit, all of these fun things. so having said all of that, that's why I wanted to record at the airport. Luckily, and this is a privilege, that when I was younger, I travelled a lot with my parents. And I think that gave me some really good exposure therapy to airports and to experiencing what they're like. However, now I'm older. My experience with airports, I actually quite like them. because kind of once you're through all the hustle and bustle and you find yourself a quiet little corner, then you can kind of relax a little bit. Don't get me wrong, the lighting, the tanoi announcements, the people coughing and spluttering, the people walking into you, the constant low level worry that you're at the wrong gate or your flight has already departed and you've missed it. You know, yeah, totally get that. And that's maybe some of the areas that I want to talk about today. So I like to arrive at the airport early. But it really depends on the time of day that the flight is. So my flight today is 4 p.m. It's actually really nice time for a flight because it means I can wake up, have my normal breakfast, go to work, go to the bathroom, and then kinda get to the airport whenever I want. It's the early morning flights that really I think disrupts me more because it means that I can't have my breakfast, I don't know what time of day I should be eating, and the travel is always quite troublesome to the airport, et cetera, et cetera. So what I have come to realise about airports is that it's basically every sensory and executive function challenge stacked on top of one another. Okay, so let me like digest digest? Dissect that. You've got noise, noise, crowds, time pressure, quite often unclear instructions. You've got try and hold about nine things in your head at the same time whilst dragging a bag around and trying to look normal because if you look nervous or anxious or stressed, then maybe they think you're a terrorist. Yeah. So it's not that I'm bad at traveling. It's just that, you know, and I don't think it's that you're bad at traveling either. I think the airport is just genuinely quite a lot. And without having a strategy or or having kind of tips and tricks for that. I didn't really understand why it was hard or how it could be better. So what changed? Well, it wasn't that I got better at coping. It was more that I got diagnosed. So that helps. And I finally understood what was happening and what my challenges were. And then I would able I was able to then build systems so that I wasn't relying just on willpower. I was able to rely on the systems that would help me through the process. So I want to talk you through maybe a couple of these. And the first one is maybe the most controversial. It's the Sunflower Lanyard. Now, for those of you who have followed for a while, you might know that I went to Dubai last year to explore their accessibility availabilities in their airport. And the sunflower lanyards was part of this. I spent a very long time, and I think so did society. thinking that the accessibility access areas of an airport are specifically for people who need a wheelchair. Right. So I spent a long time thinking that I can't use the Sunflower Lanyard or the assistance areas because I'm not disabled enough. now I know that that's maybe not the right attitude to have, but the way that I was thinking about it was that ultimately those areas were people that really need them. And maybe I didn't really need them. But that's wrong because I do need them. Now there are days where I need them lots and lots, and there's days where I don't need them that much. Or maybe I don't need them at all. But getting over the guilt of using it was a really big one for me. Arriving stupidly early. Now, I actually now do this on purpose. And it's not because I'm organized. It's because rushing is what tips me over the edge when I then get really stressed, is if I'm rushing around. So if I build in a huge amount of excess time, then it's like the easiest way to make sure I stay calm. It means I can regulate my body temperature because I'm not running just to different places. It means that I can find a space to sit and relax. It means that I can go to the bathroom five, six, seven times if I needed to. I never do, by the way. But if I was rushing and stressed, then I would and then I'd be late. So building in all that extra time just gives me more flexibility. Managing the sensory input before it manages me. Now what do I mean by this? Noise predominantly. So if you see me in an airport, you've done very well if I'm not wearing AirPods. Because I think for me, having AirPods in straight away means that I'm already reducing the input into me. Meaning that hopefully I don't get stressed. I find the quiet seat in the corner, away from the scrummage of people who are trying to find seating elsewhere. I like to know where the toilets are. And never pick the ones near the food court, by the way, because that's just a recipe for disaster. And other things that make me feel comfortable. Make sure I eat. Make sure I've got my water bottle. Buy some extra water for the flight. And then also have a think around, you know, water, sweets, snacks, hand sanitizer. What are some of the other things that you can bring to make you feel a little bit more relaxed? So here's what really helped. I stopped really looking at airports like something I needed to survive and get through. And I started to treat them as things that I needed to manage. And that sounds really small, but it's not. Because if you think about the word survive, survive means put your head down, grit your teeth, get through, you know, power, power, power. Right? Manage means I've got a plan. I know my weak points, I've already assessed them and understood them. And I build things that then keep me steady. And weirdly, or maybe not so weirdly, once I did that, travel travel kind of became one of the things that I regulate through. And like the routine of it, the system, the knowing exactly what I'm doing next, like all of these things actually make me feel very relaxed. And I now find airports, generally speaking, quite stress free. Now, some of those things might be helpful to you. There's also a lot of things at an airport that are completely out of your control. And I'm gonna talk about a couple of those because I think It's really important that we recognize that we can plan for so many eventualities, right? We can plan for what you want to do. We can plan for what might go differently, what might change. But there will always be something that you're not expecting. So it's how we then adapt around those moments, which is really important. So for example, let's take today's journey through the airport and you're gonna come with me. So I'm in the Uber. I'm on the way to the airport, and the taxi driver says to me, it's £8 to drop off at the airport. Now I'm also picking someone up from the airport. That's an additional £10. And I don't really want to pay £18 to enter and leave the airport. So do you mind if I drop you off in the pickup area? So I only have to pay the fee once. No. Totally fine. In that scenario, I wasn't stressed, I wasn't bothered. I was like, Yeah, that's fine, mate, no worries. I can walk for five minutes to go into the airport. The reason that that didn't stress me out is because I'd built in so much extra time. I had ages. So again, that not rushing is really important. So then we got to the airport. First thing I wanted to do, I needed a Wii. So let's find the toilets. Saw the sign for toilets, went to the toilet, great. The airport is actually under construction at the moment. So everything's a bit messy and a bit chaotic. I also saw two policemen with massive guns. Not really relevant to the story, but I'm sat here with my eyes closed thinking about my journey through the airport and I remember seeing them. so then there was a fan that said departures, so you go upstairs, so you go up the escalator, you're then into departures. Now I was looking for the accessibility security area. Couldn't see it because the airport is under construction, so obviously they sacked that off. however. It was really empty. So that's totally fine. So I went through the security bit. Before I get into the queue, I empty my water bottle. I've already organized my bag in a way where if they require things to be taken out of my bag, all of the things that they would require to be taken out are in one section of the bag. So I can really quickly go, yep, lovely, all of those, out they come. Because also at the moment it's kind of fifty fifty. Some airports want things taken out of the bag and some don't. In this case today, they didn't want anything taken out of the bag. Now, top tip. Ignore them. Ignore them. If you think that you have something that's going to trigger the bag, take it out of the bag. And I'm going to give you a few examples. If you've got a couple of power banks, a phone, an iPad, and a laptop, you've got two options. You can either make sure they're separate in the bag so that they're like not all bulked together, because that shows up on the scanner as like a big item and then they have to check it. Or take one or two of them out because it means that they're able to process it better and the likelihood of your bag being caught and having to be checked again is massively reduced by doing that. The other thing that you should do is always take your water bottle out of your bag, like your canister or whatever, and put it to the side because that's also helpful and it means like it's less likely that your bag will be like captured again. so obviously because I'm a pro. My bag was not pulled, so it came straight through the scanner. I was in and out in five minutes. Then we left security, we being me. And there was like the duty free area, but because it's all under construction, it's all a little bit chaotic. So I had a quick scan around. Where's like the food place that I might want to eat if I wanted any food? Nothing was really jumping out at me. I'm also not really that hungry. I'm actually really tired today. So I was like, I'd much rather actually go find a corner. fill up my water bottle and record this podcast. So then I found this corner. I'm sat down. I'm chilling. I've got my phone next to me, which has the boarding information on. So I know that I've still got an hour until I need to really well, until my flight takes off. so I've got about 15 minutes until I need to probably start moving. In fact, I'm gonna just check because now I'm thinking that it's three o'clock and my flight's at four. Has my gate been announced? And if it has, then maybe I do need to get a wiggle on. no, it's still just gate away thing, so that's totally fine. so you've got me for a little bit longer. Okay. Now, when you go to board is kind of the next stage, which I obviously haven't done yet. And there's a few things to consider. So get to the gate as early as you can. assess the landscape, where is the nearest toilet to the gate? understands like the queuing system because a lot of the time people queue for the fun of queuing and actually you don't need to stand in a queue to get onto the plane because as long as you're at the gate before final call you're gonna get on the plane. So actually the rush to get on the plane is pointless. Unless you have like a cabin bag and you really want it to be on the plane with you. But even then, you know, is it that deep? Not really. so I think that's like one of the key areas So you're going to get to the gate, you're going to assess the scenario. Obviously, you've already booked an ILC, because if you don't have an ILC, then you're an absolute lunatic. because why do you want to be blocked in on the plane? So obviously you've got an ILC, and you've already booked that, which is great. Another top tip, which I only realised recently, and it doesn't work all the time, but if you request assistance on for neurodiversity requirements or needs. A lot of the time it'll let you actually choose your seat for free. which I actually think is a really good reasonable adjustment because especially for longer haul flights, the f being like in the middle would actually like highly stress me out. So being able to be on an aisle and not have to pay like a hundred pounds to have the aisle seat is actually huge. So props to the companies that do that and the ones that don't should so catch up, guys. I'm trying to think if there's any other tips and tricks. this is a really good one. so you've obviously got your backpack, because you're autistic and you always carry a backpack. you're also at an airport, so you should probably have a backpack. But you're getting on the plane, right? And the backpack goes under the seat in front of you. Now, the airport people will say, Yes, it should go under the seat in front of you. You shouldn't use the overhead lockers for those things. And yeah, I mean officially, technically, this is true. however, something I've started doing recently, which I actually think is really clever, is I bring a tote bag or like a l a smaller bag inside my bag. But a tote bag is great. Think of like a supermarket bag for life kind of vibe. And in that bag, I will have everything that I want for my flight. So I will put my bottle of water, I'll put my iPod mini, I'll put my headphones, my charger. Like basically anything that want for the flight, and then everything else that I don't need or won't need like immediately can go into my backpack, which you then put in the overhead locker. Now, caveat, you might be asked to move it. Okay. And if they ask you to move it, then just move it, because like it's valid, it's a valid request. However, if they don't, then you get all this extra leg room. Because you can stretch your legs out under the seat because your bag's not there. Because you've got this little other bag. so I would do that, if you can. bottles of water, obviously, and headphones, obviously. So just a few things to consider there. Now if you find airports hard no, before we go into that, there's another bit. The immigration lines. You get off the plane and you've landed somewhere and very, very often those cues for immigration are really, really long. Okay. And often you're in a foreign country where they might not care that you're autistic. I'm not gonna lie to you. So how do you navigate that scenario? Well, this is where having the sunflower lanyard is a really big start. Because if you're wearing it, hopefully some staff will look out to give you a little bit more grace and a little bit more love and a little bit more support. However, that is not always going to be the case. So you need to prepare for that to not be the case. Because if you prepare for the best scenario and the worst happens, then you're going to be thrown and it's going to be really stressful for you. So here's what I need you to do. When you land, get to immigration when you can. Do not get in that queue unless you're comfortable. Like go to the toilet, get your bottle of water, take your time, then get in the queue once you feel comfortable. Speak to staff and see if they have an accessibility assistance lane. They usually call it an assistance lane. So that's probably the best one to ask or to try and use. I think it's really, really valid to advocate for yourself in these scenarios. However, I am a hypocrite saying that because I landed in Stockholm and it had a really, really big cue. And that was gonna stress me out a little bit. So I spoke to the person, I was wearing my lanyard, I spoke to the person, I was like, do you have an assistance lane? And he went, Assistance? You have to book it. I went, you have to book the assistance. He's like, Yes. As I even if it's not wheelchair assistance, you have to book it. And he's like, no, assistance is wheelchair. Because also a lot of these places just associate assistance with wheelchairs. so I didn't argue with him. I was like, Okay, no problem. and I stood in the queue. So whilst there are countries that are great with this and countries that aren't great with this, it's worth just doing a little bit of research into the process on the other end because that is the unpredictable bit. If you're le I'm also caveating this that you live in the UK. But if you live in the UK, airport experiences are j generally very predictable. When you land in a foreign country, obviously there's less predictability there because you might not have been there before, it's all new environment, et cetera, et cetera. So just something to bear in mind. So I want to remind you that if you find airports hard, that doesn't mean that you're bad at traveling. Airports are a lot, they are overwhelming, they are overstimulating. They're actually designed for a person or for a version of a person who doesn't exist. And the fact that you find them draining doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you at all. So if I was to summarize this podcast. into a few s short sentences. I would say get the support, plan ahead, arrive early, protect your senses. Eat the thing that makes you feel safe and happy. And stop trying to look calm for people who aren't even watching. And to to put that into some more perspective, I've sat in the corner of an airport for the last 23 minutes, talking into a microphone, talking to myself. So many people have looked at me. And I can tell you right now, none of them cared but of what I was doing. People are also overstimulated at airports. They do not care what you look like. All your day. Okay, I'm gonna leave that there because I think my gate has just been announced. So I'm gonna leave it there. If you have any questions on airports or travel or tips and tricks, let me know. Message me on Instagram, tag me, I will do my best to come back to you. And I hope you have a wonderful, wonderful day. If any of that made sense, then amazing. And if not, then that's okay. We'll try again next time. Take care of yourself and don't be too hard on your own brain. If you haven't already, feel free to follow or subscribe to the podcast. And I'll be back soon. Thanks for listening to the Inside My Head podcast. And thank you for letting me be part of your day. Until next time, take care of yourself. And most importantly, take care of each other.