Andrew Meher: Today we are going to be looking at Genesis or yeah, Genesis 32, 2231. but first, I want to say this. I'm a type B personality, all right? I don't know if there's any other type B's in here, but like I'm championing us today. order, you know, sense of order, sense of timeliness, sense of any of that stuff, not here. Not only that, but I was blessed to have inattentive ADHD when I was born. So it just doubles down on like any of the crazier aspects of the type B personality. So if I seem a little bit all over the place, if what I say does not make sense to you initially, I promise it's gonna come together at the end. So just stick with me. Just stick with me until we get there. But also with that said, because of just how I am, I like to start things at the end. I know that, you know, like Faith and Lindsay, they got on my case about this, but if I anytime I get a book and I'm about to read a new book. I don't start at the beginning. I don't even start at the synops. I go straight to the last chapter. And I read that as much as I can. I like to start at the ending first. The reason why is because the book just kind of gets boring to me if I start at the beginning, because all this stuff is happening. You know, they're trying to set stuff up and everything. And I just like, okay, what is all this here for? It just it just what I just I could do much more stuh better stuff with my time than trying to like read up why certain characters are there or like the backstory, things like that. So I like to start at the end of the book because then I'm filled with a bunch of questions of okay, this is strange. Like why is this ending this way? Or like, whoa, who is this person? Like, this person seems interesting. Why did they say that? And then as I go back to the beginning and as I begin to read through the book, a lot of those questions become answered, or I begin to try to piece certain things together to figure certain things out. So in In that fashion, we're gonna start the sermon at the ending. Yes. We're gonna begin at the ending. And we're gonna begin with, I guess you could say, you know, the main quote or concept of my sermon, which is often we can't see something as a blessing because the present pain in the wrestling, or because of the present pain that is in the wrestling. It is not until we look at that moment through hindsight that pain becomes a blessing. We're talking about wrestling with God today. We're talking about Jacob and what he was going through at that point in time when he saw God and began to wrestle with him. So in the passage it says that night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants, and eleven sons, and crossed crossed the ford of the Jabak. I believe that's what it says. after he sent them across the stream, he sent over all of his possessions. So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled him until daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip, so the hip was wretched as he wrestled with him. Then the man said, Let me go, for it is daybreak. But Jacob replied, I will not let you go unless you bless me. The man asked him, What is your name? Jacob answered. Then the man said, Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel. Because you have struggled with God and with humans and overcome. Jacob said, Please tell me your name. But he replied, Why do you ask my name? Then he blessed him there. So Jacob called the place Paniel, and said, It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared, which is amazing. The sun rose above him, and he passed Paniel and was limping because of his hip. Therefore, to this day the Israelites do not eat the tendons attached to the socket of the hip, because the socket of the hip was touched near the tendon. Now I love this passage. It's always perplexed me growing up as a kid, and even to this day, there's certain things that perplex me as well. but one thing I love about this is that this is a wild like origin story of Israel. Like Genesis is like the book of origins. There's like starts to like a lot of different storylines, a lot of different narratives, and this is the beginning of Israel right here, with the changing of Jacob's name. And yeah, that's a crazy thing. To think about. My people are named after a moment when one of our ancestors fought God and survived. Like that's a wild thing. Who could say that? I don't know many people that could throw hands with God and then live afterwards. I don't know how many people could actually, you know, fight God and then even live afterwards. Most cases they you wouldn't exist. You know, there there's even like the story of Moses where he's like, Yo, you can't look at me, otherwise you're not gonna live. Something about God and who he is, our bodies cannot compute if we saw face to face. Yet we see this happening with Jacob. So I love the story for that reason. But more so, when I was kind of going through this passage, the idea and the concept was something about wrestling that stood out with me and the the importance of wrestling as well. but before we get even further into this story, we actually have to know the backstory of how Jacob got here. So in the in the verses before in this chapter, what we see is that Jacob finds himself in a place where he wants to find favor with his brother Esau. Now they had beef like for the the longest time, and at this point in time, Jacob is like, I'm kind of done with this, therefore I need to, you know, make sure that I appease Esau and we can, you know, settle things. so he sent servants out, and then the servants. Came back saying, Yeah, so about going to see Esau. Yeah, he's actually coming to us. Not only is he actually coming to us, but he's actually bringing four hundred men to us as well. I don't know what further went on with that conversation, but whatever happened, Jacob was terrified, everybody was terrified. The trending thing to do was be terrified of Esau, and that's what everybody was going. That's what was happening with everybody. So then Jacob then prays to God. Now, the thing that's interesting about this prayer is that it was not a prayer of like confidence. It's not a prayer of strength. It was not a prayer of like, okay, God, this union is going to be amazing. It was a prayer of fear. He was terrified. God, help me. I don't know what to do. And in the process as well, Jacob then wanting to appease Esau, sent his servants to take livestock to Esau as well as an offering. Okay, God, I don't know what to do. I'm praying to you. And I'm also going to try to do my own thing and send some offering to Esau. Maybe that will make him happy. And then the worst of the worst is not going to happen. So after all of this, finally that's when he sends his family across the river and he is alone. And that's where we are now at in this passage. So we're gonna look at a ser the overview of my sermon because these are some wild concepts that I'm gonna try to connect together and then somehow convince you that it's also a blessing as well. So we have the idea of wrestling. And with that idea of wrestling, we also have this concept of pursuing. Also, we can see in this passage there are two ideas that go hand in hand, which is desperation and honesty. This is what kind of word becomes weird, because how does that actually equate to blessing? But I assure you, it's going to be ending in blessing, especially when it comes to blessing in hindsight. So about the wrestling. You kind of think about the wrestling and the idea of wrestling as a term to use a term used to describe a moment, an issue, a thought that causes inner turmoil. Now this could be anything. It could be something as simple as, I need to get groceries today. What time does the store store close? Two something more existential like, what am I gonna do with my life? Like what what is it gonna become I I feel stuck, I feel like I need to make a change, I don't know what's going on. All of that, that that's turmoil. It causes us to feel like not good stuff inside of us. This can be partnered with feelings such as fear, doubt, insecurity, and a sense of our world crashing down around us. If you've ever been in any one of those moments, you know, that is kind of within the sphere or concept of wrestling. But the key about wrestling is that at the moment something happens, that's not wrestling. The moment something happens, it is a crisis. When we choose to engage in that crisis, that's when it becomes wrestling. And that is key. Because we cannot be passive to wrestling, especially when that wrestling becomes blessing later on. So that brings us to this next question. Okay, so then what comes after then engaging it? That's pursuit. Pursuit. Is the seeking out of continual engagement and continual engagement with what we are wrestling with. So when it happens, it's a crisis. As we say, hey, I need to try to do something about this, that's when we wrestle. As we keep going, we are pursuing that thing. Now pursuit. comes in two flavors. As I was kind of meditating on this passage and trying to figure out how to make sense of everything, two things kept on coming to mind. One, there's wrestling with God. That's literally what was going on with Jacob and this passage. But two, there's wrestling with community. And wrestling with community comes in its interesting flavor as well. So going to pursuing of God, that is seeking out God in the midst of our wrestling. That is something happening to us and our response being, God, what is happening? God, what is going on? God, I don't understand this. How many of you have found yourselves in those moments where something's happening and you're asking those questions to him? Anybody? Yeah, yeah. It's a pretty common feeling. especially as humans, we find ourselves in these states of feeling like everything is going chaotic and we don't know what to do about it. That's what's that's what we're seeing in the backstory, all the way up into the part where Jacob is wrestling with God. Crisis happening. My brother is coming after us. Most likely he's gonna kill us. I don't know. On top of that, he's dealing with all of the family issues that were going on from when he was a kid all the way up until now. They're stacking on top of each other, and he goes to prayer to God in fear. Not only that, but then he sees God and the first instinct is cool, I'm gonna fight him now because I need answers. That concept also happens today, too. Now we're not, you know, again, throwing hands with God because he is an ethereal being, though he can become physical at points in time. mostly, though, it is very spiritual, very emotional, very cerebral. We tend to go to God with these questions, wondering what's happening, what's going on. But that's when the second part of the pursuit becomes key. Pursuit of community. Seeking out others in the midst of our wrestling is pursuit of community. Now, this is not so much in the same vein with God, because usually when we are wrestling with God, there's something that we want God to fix. There's something that we want God to figure out. There's something that we actually, there's an issue, there's issues that we may even have, and we make God responsible for those issues. God, I'm blaming you for this thing. God, help me figure this out because I don't know why you are putting me through this. Wrestling with community is slightly different though, especially in this vein, because as I've been thinking about this, I was thinking about these points in time where as I'm trying to figure out what's going on with God, a friend's there. And then I end up talking to that friend about what may be happening. Yeah, I don't know what's happening right now. Like, I feel far from God. I just don't know I don't know what to make about my faith anymore. Crisis after crisis after crisis keeps happening. I keep going God about it, and it seems like he's silent. Like, hey, what are your thoughts on it? Now, these kind of these kind of events happen pretty naturally as we were just talking with friends here and there. But But as we continue to pursue God, as we continue to wrestle with God, we may find ourselves going to community more intently. Is that a word? Intently? Yeah, okay, cool. With intent. Let's put it like that. And then we might actually have a few set of people that we find ourselves going to wrestle God with. You know? It's like I am going wrestling with God and I don't know what to do, so I need help. So I'm like, hey, tag in. Let's double-team this problem together. You know? That's pursuit of community. And that is also key as well when it comes to wrestling with God, especially when wrestling becomes a blessing. Again, if this seems like crazy right now, it's all gonna come together at the end. So The next part about this whole process, the next part about what we're seeing is desperation and honesty. When the desires for resolve become greater than our own abilities and understanding, that is when we reach a state of desperation. You know, is that that famous scripture, trust the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. You know your ways follow him and he'll make your path straight. There's this concept about like, hey, yeah, we could try to do things in our own power and our own ability, but they become limited. There's an end to it. We can't tend to do everything on our own, even if we want to. Now again, as a type B person, instead of like running to take the problem head on, I usually run in the other direction. You know, if I if I leave the problem alone long enough, then it will fix itself out. Don't be like me. so desperation usually is on the heels of these points in time when we're dealing with crisis, we're choosing to gauge with them, and it becomes wrestling. We see this with Jacob as well. Before that, desperation gives way to unrefined honesty, which is the purest form of honesty. The honesty becomes the foundation upon which the blessings of God are built. Now we see this with Jacob. Again, with everything that was happening, Jacob was praying in fear to God. With everything that was happening. Jacob was trying to do his best. He was trying to do a good job of trying to mend the issue, mend the situation by trying to appease his brother Esau. He was that was all desperation. That was desperation put into action. That was desperation. put into honesty. Now the reason why I say that it's the purest form of honesty is because it's not thought out, it's not processed. It's not, you know, put together to sound nice and like make people happy. If you ever spoke to me at length at some point in time, you might even hear me say phrases like, Yeah, I'm not gonna hold you, but this is what I'm thinking right now. Or like, yeah I'm just gonna keep it a buck with you. Like this this ain't it. Or yeah, keep it a hundred. I'm scared. I'm terrified. And if you talk at me talk with me at length enough, you find out that I'm a very fearful person. I'm a very existential crises kind of person. I kind of feel like I have an existential crisis once a week. In fact, today might be a good night to have an existential crisis. Most likely it's gonna happen as I try to review to myself how my how I did on stage today. The reason why I'm doing that, the reason why I'm like that is because over time I realize that I gotta be honest, unfiltered, unprocessed, unpackaged, nice to make people happy. Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it take it away from me, this issue that he was given. But he said, No, my grace is sufficient enough for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, and then Paul says the most insane thing ever, which doesn't make sense, therefore I will boast all the more glad about my weaknesses. Who does that? So that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in my weaknesses, I delight in my insults, I delight in my hardships, in my persecutions, in my difficulties, for when I am weak, then I am strong. You know what that is right there? Unrefined honesty. That's unrefined honesty. But that's needed. That is needed, and that is key. for wrestling with God. That is needed and that is key for wrestling with community. Especially if we are to find blessings coming out of the things that we are going through. So now we come to the blessing portion. How does God take all the stuff that we are going through and make it blessing? How does all the pain, the heartache, the suffering, the talking about the things that we are going through that we would rather hide from others? How does that become blessing? Often we can't see something as a blessing because of the present pain in the wrestling. Because it is painful. And who knows, sometimes the pain itself may be a whole entire different thing to wrestle with God about. Because we gotta give space for it. It is not until we look at that moment through hindsight that pain becomes a blessing. The blessing may not be obvious until it becomes a memory. Because it is in that very moment when the wrestling becomes a blessing, it may feel like God is giving us something more to endure that becomes added to the stressors and issues that we already have in our present lives. But when what we are going through becomes a memory, that's when it becomes hindsight. That's when we are able to see God's hand in those moments, referring to them while leading others to Christ. So Jacob called this place Penel, saying, It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared. Therefore, to this day, the Israelites do not eat the tendons attached to the socket of the hip, because of the wrestling Jacob had gone through. That part is not in the verse, but that's kind of how I understand it to be. You see. In the moment, the pain that we're feeling is real. It should be talked about, it should be understood, it should be processed. Because if we don't, if it doesn't, it turns into bitterness. And Andrew has this amazing quote, which I'm probably gonna butcher up right now: saying that pain is poison that we take hoping that it hurts somebody else. Is that correct? Yeah, kinda. Refer to Andrew for the proper quote. But If we don't talk about the pain, if we don't talk about the wrestling, if we don't talk about the things that we're going through, it turns into bitterness. It festers, and then it begins to affect not just ourselves but others in ways that we don't expect. This is why it's important to actually talk about the pain and talk about the wrestling. This is why it's important to go to community when we're trying to process things with God. But how many times have y'all been through something, made it on the other end? We're living your lives, everything's going great now, and you look back and you're man, you're like, wow, I can't believe I'm here right now because a few years ago, X, Y, and Z was happening. That's blessing in hindsight. I've had plenty of conversations with people in here about these kind of very kind of moments. Crazy enough, even just before speaking today, I was joking with people earlier saying, I remember when I was a sound engineer, right where Bill is right now, and kind of micing up Andrew as he was getting ready to preach and whoever I was talking to as well kind of looked at me and was asking, so when are you actually gonna like go up there and preach in everything? And my response is you could miss me with that. I'm not one for you know, up the stage, I'm not one for preaching. Like I could talk to people one-on-one. everything like that. But addressing a congregation, that's not me. Let's kind of keep those ideas away from me. You see, i i I was joking at that point in time, but what was actually happening was I was actually wrestling with God about what was going on with my life. What was this what was I supposed to do? Who was I supposed to become? Because I followed God from my home, my point of origin, and it just seemed like crazy raging waters after crazy raging waters, something happening after something else happening after something else happening, and I'm just trying to hang on and keep afloat. Meanwhile coming in on Sundays and slapping a smile on my face. Just to kinda, you know, make myself seem all nice and friendly and presentable with everybody while the inside of me was an inner turmoil about my identity, who I am, my faith. Is it real? Am I just faking this? Now, being on the stage looking back, yeah, I could see where God was in the midst of that. See, in the midst of all of that anguish that I was feeling, all of that trying to push myself away from being a leader and responsibility, God was putting people in my life. Who was helping shape and work on my identity, shape and work on who I am. Small ways. I didn't go from showing up to them being here and like a blink of an eye. No, it was small little things over time, but willful engaging and wrestling with God and with others. And that's what brought me here today. Got tons of stories if you want to talk afterwards. It's crazy. But for the sake of time. and the fact that I'm over. there are some questions that also no I'm not there's some questions that came to me also as I've been wrestling with this passage. Who would have thought that you know talking about wrestling actually required some wrestling as well? But some things that came to mind were what are you wrestling with? And as I'm kind of asking these things, I want you guys to reflect on them as well. Take a take a photo of the screen also, if you need to save them for later on. What are you wrestling with? Because if you don't know what you're wrestling with, if you can't name it, if you can't identify it, then there's no way you could actually properly tackle it. There's no way you can actually properly bring it to God. And speaking of God, are you pursuing God? and community in the process of wrestling. Because again, you could be facing something, you can be dealing with something, but if you're not bringing it to God You you're not gonna see what God's able or what's doing in that process. It's just gonna constantly feel like all this stuff is happening to you without any purpose, without any reason. But at the same time, if you're not bringing it to any community, then you're isolated. And now you're dealing with endeavors that you're not called to take on by yourself because that's just not how our faith works. That was one of the things I had to learn as I was wrestling being here. I I always felt like I could do I could I could just be me and God all day. I'm cool with that. I don't really need community, because I got I got my Bible, I got my worship music, and I got prayer. That's all I need. And I was told over and over again in many different ways, you need community as well. Otherwise you're gonna be isolated. And then with that, are you being honest about what you are feeling with yourself, others, and God? Because if you're not keeping it 100 with everybody, then it's just a show. If you're not being honest with everybody, then you're talking about issues and symptoms that are and efforts that are being directed towards something that are is not going to be fully resolved because the actual issues are not being spoken of. Now it may take some time sitting by yourself and actually wondering and understanding like what is it that I'm actually feeling right now? When I am when I when I'm thinking about God, when I'm thinking about the faith, like what actually comes to mind? This is a wonderful thing that Andrew put me onto. It's a feelings wheel. Because I realize I'm not really great at identifying my feelings. But it's really helpful. But then are you then taking that honesty with yourself and then talking to others? Are you bringing it to community? And then finally, are you then bringing those feelings to God? And in all of that, what blessings, what moments of the past have you been through that can actually serve as a testament to the present wrestling? Because sometimes we need that reminder that we've been through it before. If he did it before, he can do it again. He brought us through the past at one point in time, and now we are standing here at the present. That's not for no reason. But the thing about wrestling is that sometimes it gives us spiritual amnesia where we forget how good God is. There's a reason why they don't eat the hip bone or the tendon attached to the hip bone. Because there was a testimony that happened long before that was served as a reminder for the present things that they went through. And finally, this is not up here, but this kind of came to me today. What do you think would happen with our church if we wrestled together? If we were honest with each other? How do you think we could actually begin to be blessings to each other? Communal blessings are a two-way street. People can come in our lives, God can send people in our lives, and they can bless us. And in that process, we could actually be a blessing to somebody else and not even know it. But if we're not in community, then that's a surefire way for it not to happen. Then how much further can we begin to even bless the town of West Milford? If we had gotten into the practice of wrestling with each other. That's why I love the postures that we're set upon when it comes to this church. And I'm way over time, I apologize. Present-based, practice-shaped, people-driven. There's a reason why we're called the Highlands Community Church. What would happen if we're actually spiritually honest with each other? Wrestling with God? taking on each other's endeavors as we try to solve our own as well. I think that would be a really great definition for community. I don't know about you.