speaker-0: We're not victims of our realities, we're the creator of it. At least that's how I approach my life. I'm not a victim of my reality, I'm a creator. I wouldn't change one thing in my life as far as the difficult things or the challenging things because they've allowed me to expand my love.

speaker-1: Welcome to Buddha at the Gas Pump. My name is Rick Archer. Buddha at the Gas Pump is an ongoing series of conversations with spiritually awakening people. We've done over 750 of them now. I was going through old transcripts of previous interviews because we're doing some interesting things with those. And I always say this at the beginning. It was back like, we've done over 250 of them now. Now it's 750. As always. If this is new to you and you'd like to check out previous ones, go to batgap.com and look under the interviews menu where you'll see them organized in various different ways. This whole program is made possible through the support of appreciative listeners and viewers. We don't run ads on the audio podcast and we run very minimal ads on YouTube. And the sole means of support is donations from people who appreciate it and would like to help support it. So if that's you. There are PayPal buttons on every page of the website. My guest today is Tammy Lee Anderson. Tammy Lee is one of these people. I said this to the guy I interviewed two weeks ago also, but one of these people who seems to have packed about six lifetimes into one. I won't even remember all the things she's done, but she's had several near-death experiences. She's been an Olympic level kayaker, competitive kayaker. She's a fifth degree black belt in Aikido. She's a psychotherapist. She has lived as a monk at a very remote monastery. She's worked with homeless people and in battered women's shelters. She has a couple of master's degrees and she's now a professional medium in addition to being a healer in other respects. ⁓ yeah, she's a rawfer. She's got qualifications in that and now she's working as a medium and other things which she'll explain. How many things did I leave out there, Tammy Lee?

speaker-0: That's plenty.

speaker-1: Did I get most of them? Yeah. Okay, good. So she's no slouch. She's been doing interesting things all of her life and her memories actually go back to her infancy. She didn't always remember her infancy, but in her late teens, she had an opening which enabled her to recollect a couple of near-death experiences she had as an infant, one while being born and the other while undergoing some surgeries. some months later. I know we're not going to focus on your near-death experiences, but why don't we start with that, since that definitely would be starting at the beginning, being in labor for 38 hours with an umbilical cord wrapped around your neck.

speaker-0: Well, thank you, Rook, for having me on your show. been watching you for years and I just have so much admiration for how you present and the questions you ask. And so just very honored to be here with you.

speaker-1: an honor to have you and it's my joy to do this and I always feel like a work in progress and I always beat myself up a little bit after every interview. ⁓ I should have asked that. I shouldn't have asked that.

speaker-0: I like in the beginning you said that it's awakening process, awakening journey, because it's not a one-time event. And that's what I've experienced. It is a lifetime of integration of these near-death experiences. I didn't remember these two first near-death experiences until I was 17 after a prayer from a priest who just, it exploded. And I basically had a re-experiencing of these events. wasn't just a remembering. And people often say, how in the world can you remember? it's so young. And the only thing I can see now is that memory's not just in the brain, it's in the field.

speaker-1: That's an important point. We could spend a whole interview talking about that.

speaker-0: And so somehow that was opened, that experience. It caused me to understand a little bit why since I was little that I felt like I was in between. I was in between the seen and the unseen. I remembered unconditional love and I was like, this is not it. You know, there's so many conditions in this environment. I can always say that as a kid, I felt like I had a broken heart. My heart hurt.

speaker-1: Interesting.

speaker-0: My heart hurt. All the time? Yeah, all the time. And I had this longing that just hurt inside and I felt like, where is that? Where is that? And I was trying to remember. I was sensitive as a little kid. I could feel emotions of people, emotions that I wished I hadn't felt because the ups and downs of people, and I had no boundaries whatsoever as far as that. I just soaked it all in, which made it challenging. And so I really was attracted. silence and quiet at a young age and I would hang out in my closet as much as possible because it was quiet in there. I felt held when I sat in the silence and that's never left. But as a child, I was affected by light, I was affected by sound and I liked to be outside whenever I could because that was a grounding experience. So it set me up to be kind of in between and I really worked at trying to get grounded through sports. That's one thing that helped me kind of ground myself out and feel like I could be here. But I still had depression up till age 23. And the experience happened then that kind of ended that.

speaker-1: I recall you were even suicidal a bit. You were lying on the floor with a bottle of pills at one point.

speaker-0: Yeah, 23 after my brother's death, I had precognitive abilities from these experiences, first two experiences.

speaker-1: So in other words, the near-death experiences opened up some precognitive abilities.

speaker-0: Yeah, and I never saw it as a gift. I saw it as a burden actually to feel that. wouldn't take it away. Somebody asked me, would you want to have that ability? And it's like, no, because it's a part of my senses. I don't know what I'd be without it. I sure didn't see it convenient because it's not something I could change. I just felt people when they were going. And usually it was very visceral. I could feel it in my gut, know, when my grandfather was about to pass or. my brother, every time he turned around and walked away from me, I felt he was going away. And so I could pass by people, you know, in grocery stores and I could feel it. And it was not something that I valued very much. It was painful, actually.

speaker-1: As matter of fact, you tell the story about how when your brother died, the police called and the phone rang. Nobody knew it was the police. And you said, that's it, he's gone. He died. Your parents were upset.

speaker-0: Yeah, they went through the roof, you know, why in the world would you say something like that?

speaker-1: But they must have found out within seconds that you were right.

speaker-0: within seconds. They wouldn't say on the phone, but they said, please come to the hospital. You know, there's been an accident. And so all the way to the hospital, which was a 45 minute ride, they had to suffer with knowing that possibly he was gone.

speaker-1: And you knew he was.

speaker-0: Yeah, I knew he was. And so you don't say something before it happens. And people sometimes schedule appointments with me and say, am I going to die? It's like, don't do that because I won't tell you. It's none of my business and none of yours. I just won't.

speaker-1: You would probably agree that if we have some ability like that, if it dawns in us and we weren't even seeking it, it probably did so for good reason and it's not some kind of accident.

speaker-0: I don't know if there's a good reason actually. I mean, I can't see the reason except that there's one story I tell them in my book about Cassie, the little girl that I sensed her passing. The priest that I knew, he went in to pray for somebody and I didn't know who he was going to pray with, but I just decided I'd sit there and join in the prayer, the healing prayer. And so I sat in the chapel and she came to me. She said her name was Cassie. She was just a little girl and I could see that she was leaving in a few days. And it was true. I told my sister afterwards, I said, let's keep an eye on the paper because she's going to pass in a few days. she did. Her name was Cassie Short for Catherine. I think she was like seven years old. She was very young. She had cancer. I had no intention or desire to contact the family. It was a confirmation for me, but also I felt like there was a comfort in that passing. Just like, see you later, you know, I'll see you again someday. There was no need to do anything except confirm or affirm, yes.

speaker-1: So this priest, as I recall, you like to visit a particular chapel. You weren't really into religion so much, but you just loved the feeling there and you would sit there and some priest noticed you and asked if you would like some kind of a blessing or something and gave you the blessing. That's what opened up this memory of near-death experiences.

speaker-0: I was about 17 and I would like to go to this chapel because it was quiet and I like to go there when there was no one there. This priest, every once in while I'd see him cleaning or dusting or setting up for a mass or something like that. It was a Catholic church. I didn't know him at the time, but he had a gift of healing and he was known for that. People would come from all over for healing from him. And he one day walked up to me. I was sitting there and he saw me before, so he was curious, I think. And he said, what brings you here? And I said, I can't really verbalize it, put it into words. just, I love the silence. I love the quiet. And he said, can I say a prayer for you? And I didn't know what to expect because I'm not, I wasn't brought up in a religious family. So I just said, okay. And when he laid his hands on my head, I just felt this. warmth go through my whole body. And then I felt it settle like in the solar plexus and it was like, it was like honey going and it was just like this cascade. And then it just exploded into this remembering, re-experiencing. And I experienced my mom and labor. I experienced it from so many different positions. I experienced it from my mom's point of view, from the people who were in the operating room. I experienced it from my point of view, but I couldn't breathe because the umbilical cord was wrapped around the neck and I was in the canal for so long that basically by the I came out I was blue and flat. And they just said to my mom, it didn't make it. They didn't say if it was a girl or a boy, it didn't make it. They whisk me off into another room and what I remember, there is my mom like a beacon of light. It felt like her pulling me back. I was in a space of complete peace and bliss. It's all beyond words. It's an experience of being home. It's real. It's soft. It's all permeating because it moves through your whole being, you know? Anyways, so when I go back into that, I can really just immediately go back into that fight easily. They got me going and they immediately put me into a little incubator. At that time in his early 60s, they didn't even have prenatal care. I was four pounds, went down to three pounds. Usually babies that small die. They put me in a little bubble and a little incubator so I could develop more. And I was in the hospital for a couple of months and my parents would come once a week and look through a little window and look in the back and see me. So everything was a procedural. which is kind of an interesting beginning. I did get to come home early, about two months, and they ended up needing to do a surgery. And doing anesthesia on a baby is very precarious, especially if they're preemies. They set up for surgery about, I think it was about five months old, and they set up for a surgery and they never got to the procedure because the anesthesia knocked me out. and I was out of my body and very happy to be out of that body because I found it constricting. I found it very small, not pleasant, but they got me going. It was quite an endeavor to get me going, but they got me back.

speaker-1: Well, glad they made it. I'm glad they did.

speaker-0: At point in my life, I'm glad they did too.

speaker-1: Yeah, you've contributed a lot to the world in this life. And I heard you say, and I've heard others say also, that you're confident that you're not all the way here, and none of us are. In other words, a certain portion of our soul, or whatever you want to call it, is still in the fourth dimension, or on the other side, and then the rest of us is actually incarnate. Yeah, I've even heard it said that a person could incarnate in a couple of lives simultaneously a portion in this one a portion in that one and some of it still in the astral realm or so or what

speaker-0: that's very possible. I don't feel like I'm in my body. I feel like my body is in me. That it's a point within me that I experience when I put my attention there and I can put my attention in other places as well. Whether I can just turn my attention and I'm there.

speaker-1: Yeah, we were talking in the beginning about how growth and progress and evolution is a lifelong process. It's continuous. There's no final destination that we reach. I'd like to think of it in terms of expanding and clarifying our multidimensionality rather than being locked into a narrow band on the spectrum, just beginning to live the whole spectrum and being able to navigate or function at whatever point in the spectrum our attention is needed. And I get that feeling from everything I've learned about you that you've gone all the way from the intensity of Olympic athletic competition to mediumship and everything in between all kinds of different dimensions.

speaker-0: Yeah, it's been quite a journey. It's been a journey of integration. I realized that like at a really young age, I wanted to add, realized that just being here, I caused pain. At least that little kid. Yeah, to, yeah, the families. mean, my parents weren't married at the time, so that was really difficult for them. And then they had to get rushed to get married. And my dad, it was just a lot of emotion there. And so

speaker-1: You mean to our mothers, you mean?

speaker-0: I felt as a kid responsible for all of that.

speaker-1: Your mother said you were conceived via a one dollar bet. What was the I bet you this doesn't make get you pregnant or what was the bet?

speaker-0: Yeah. It was yeah, my dad made a $1 bet with his friend. He could get the good girl and he did and my mom was a goody two shoes and he got her and Then they had to rush and get married and then the secret was broken when I was delivered early Love sir dad and she would never want to disappoint him. And so that was quite scary That's another thing. I was aware of I could feel all the emotions of my mom. I could feel her shame I could feel or fear, lots of fear. But just by walking on the grass, I remember sitting on the side of the house when I was like seven or so, I don't remember the age. And I realized just by walking, I might squish a bug. And I thought, I want to cause as much good as I can. Because sometimes in our own consciousness, we cause unhappy things to happen. And we say something without thinking and it causes somebody to be sad. So that has been something that I've really wanted to work on in my life is cause as much good or kindness as I could.

speaker-1: Yeah, that's really nice. You know about the Janes who wear masks so they don't inadvertently breathe a mosquito in or anything like that.

speaker-0: I'm not not dead, I know.

speaker-1: Yeah.

speaker-0: No, I never put that.

speaker-1: But of course, within us there are cells dying on the thousands every second and there's non-human cells, our whole microbiome is dying and regenerating and so there's a life and death thing going on all the time. All the part of life.

speaker-0: Yeah. So we're dying and being reborn every moment.

speaker-1: Yep. They say even after about seven years, every cell in our body has been replaced except possibly in our teeth. Everything gets regenerated. So your second near-death experience is when you had surgery on your skull because the fontanels had closed and your brain was getting constricted and your skull needed to be open. Was there anything distinctive about what you experienced during that one or was it just more of the...

speaker-0: Isn't that amazing? Well, when I had the near-death experience that was caused by the anesthesia, but when I actually had, when they rescheduled the surgery a few months after that, then I had an experience, I don't call it a near-death, but it was an in-between. I was going in-between the whole time. And it was quite ⁓ terrifying because the contrast between being in the light and being held by familiar beings, I felt like I had always known them. and that safety and that beauty and that love and then being in that operating room when there was harsh lights, the contrast was just intense. I remember the shaking, my body was shaking and I'm absolutely know that they didn't normally use any anesthesia at that time because I think they're afraid to lose me. And there's the idea that babies don't remember and this one did.

speaker-1: So you're experiencing a lot of pain.

speaker-0: and fear. I wasn't out. And they had me anchored to the table. So it was just like, yeah, it was quite scary, frightening. And so I remember being in that. And so it was quite an experience. think that was the roughest of all the experiences as a kid was that.

speaker-1: Sounds rough. What do say to people who say that, yeah, a near-death experience isn't death. So who knows what really happens when we actually die. And these people who have a near-death experience and come back, they can't really tell us the whole story.

speaker-0: Well, what is death? And there really isn't any death. I would say closer to near life. It was a re-experiencing that's what's more real than real. And so like you were saying, the body dies, you know, every moment as being reborn every moment. I don't have much to say because how did I just say that I know what I experienced and it was very different than this constriction of a human focus, a human intention, human experience and it was home, was freedom. So what would I say?

speaker-1: I interviewed a guy a couple weeks ago who has been studying all these different theories of consciousness and including very materialistic theories in which, know, when you're dead, you're dead, that's it, that's the end of your existence. I just made, I made the comment of, boy, all those people are going to be so surprised when they die. The people who espouse those theories are going to think, holy crap, how did I not know this?

speaker-0: Yes. And I've had people and, you know, I do the mediumship now, which I never thought I would ever do, but here I am doing it. But I people coming back saying, you know, you're absolutely right. I had a husband just the other day come in and he said, yeah, you're rubbing it in now because, because she was making a session to communicate with him. And he said, yeah, you're absolutely right. He didn't think there was anything afterwards. So that. experience, this is like a form of experience and that is more formless, what's hard to put into words, what it actually feels like.

speaker-1: But it's interesting how dense earthly life is. Yeah. How it kind of blinds us so profoundly.

speaker-0: ⁓ Yeah, I experienced that and my third near-death experience coming back into my body, it was like I weighed a thousand pounds, you know? It was dense, it was heavy, it was so yucky that I thought I never want to do this again. I never want to go out of my body again and come back in because that was the hardest part. The density of it and the slowness of it and it felt like molasses. But as I've gotten older and integrated over time. I understand that this is the contrast. We need these human experiences to have ⁓ this contrast because love is relational. It's not isolation. The contrast gives a depth to love that we wouldn't have otherwise. You know, I grow into my, yes, know, can I even love this? Can I even forgive this? You know, it's a different experience. It's an embodied experience of love rather than an intellectual one, if that makes sense. Here we get to embody love. Here we get the opportunity to embody love. When we're out of these bodies, it's not an embodied experience. It's way different. It's hard to compare it. But I know that we choose, this is like the edge of love. It feels like, we're giving love the possibility to have the experience of choosing. every moment.

speaker-1: Yeah, I was saying a few minutes ago about how life is multi-dimensional. Maybe you could elaborate a bit on the necessity of human life in the course of our overall evolution and how we have opportunities here that we wouldn't have if we were just in some ethereal realm disembodied as ⁓ a spirit.

speaker-0: Yeah. I just believe or know it's not a belief, it's an experience that this contrast offers me a depth in love that I wouldn't have otherwise. When I went out of my body in the third experience, I understood that everything was perfect, that the design of this, even though on a human point of view, it's not perfect and we have suffering, but having experience of grief and loss. It gives a depth to love. I always thought I never wanted to meet somebody who didn't have some dysfunction in our life because they would have no compassion. They don't know what it feels like to lose a child or lose a loved one. If we look back at our life, I'm sure a lot of people listening, if you look back at your life, some of the most difficult things in your life have given you a depth that you wouldn't have had otherwise. At least that's my experience. I wouldn't have had the compassion. I wouldn't have had the understanding. It's not up here, it's in my heart. I know what it feels like to lose a partner. I know what it feels like to lose people I deeply love. And we don't lose them, but on a human experience we do. Yeah. Yeah. And so there's that experience. I get to experience that perceived loss. Although when we go into it, we don't lose anything. Love is never lost. It just shifts and changes into more spaciousness and more depth that we can't even fow them here.

speaker-1: If we take extreme examples like the Holocaust or Gaza or Sudan and places in the world where terrible things are happening, ⁓ there was just a mass shooting in Louisiana today. Eight children were killed in some kind of thing. I mean, ⁓ how do you and I've talked to people who bring up

speaker-0: Yeah, I And I

speaker-1: like that as argument for there couldn't be a God or if there is a God as a sadist, know, how do you respond to people like that?

speaker-0: On a human perspective, it's like it doesn't make sense. There's no reason we should be ⁓ doing stuff like this or experiencing stuff like that. And yet on another level, even in these depths, what I'm most amazed at is how human beings can rise up in the most difficult times. ⁓ There are many stories during the Holocaust where people rose up in prison. What is that priest's name? I can't think of his name now, he was amongst Colby, Father Colby, I believe it was. He was in a group of Holocaust camp and they were taking some people to starve them to death. And this man started crying, said, I have a family. I don't want to die. put himself in that place and said, I'll go for in this place. And he ended up starving to death and that was his choice to take his place. I'm amazed at what arises in these most challenging experiences. the worst of the worst, you find the most amazing souls rising out of the ashes. So it's really like a phoenix in a sense. Even in the most worst, terrible, horrific experiences, you find some of the most amazing souls rising up with love. And that's the opportunity. Where do we, if we were going to design this game, where would we put the parameters? ⁓ we can't experience that. It's like, it's all possible, you know, and this is, this is the opportunity. It's all possible. We can do the worst of the worst and we can do the most beautiful. We are both the death and resurrection as far as I can see. We're all of that. And we have the opportunity to live all of that.

speaker-1: Have you ever read Michael Newton's books, Journey of Souls or Destiny of Souls? He was this psychotherapist that regressed people back through hypnosis to ⁓ the between life period, not just past lives, but between lives. And he did thousands of people and he found a lot of correlation between what they had to say and he mapped it all out and wrote a couple of books. But anyway, one of his points was that we pretty much sign up for any major thing that happens in our life. It's not just capricious or arbitrary. We think, okay, as difficult as this will be, it'll be an evolutionary opportunity for it. So sign me up.

speaker-0: Right. Yeah. That feels correct to me. It feels like we're not victims of our realities. We're the creator of it. at least that's how I approach my life. I'm not a victim of my reality. I'm a creator. I wouldn't change one thing in my life as far as the difficult things or the challenging things because they've allowed me to expand my love and my awareness, my forgiveness. Can I even forgive this? You know, it's taken me long time to forgive some things, you know, and so that's growing into then it's expanding of my soul to grow into that depth of that

speaker-1: Good. Well, I wanted to dwell on this a little bit because sometimes people become cynical or ⁓ disillusioned or because of the tragedies in life and they feel that life is meaningless or arbitrary or cruel, there couldn't be a God or this or that. And I think it's useful to discuss it and try to provide a perspective like this.

speaker-0: Yeah, it's absolutely useful to discuss it. And it's really hard to see when you're in it. So the best we can do is practice breathing in and breathing out. Sometimes that's the best we can do in the moment. And we feel the depths of, this is not fair, this is not right. On some level, it's not. On a human level, for sure. to have the opportunity to feel the depths of that, this is not fair and God must not be real. To have that ⁓ is part of the experience. so, yeah, to go into that depths, it's all part of it. So I don't try to change somebody when they're in that. I just say, I understand it doesn't make sense on one level.

speaker-1: That's good. And I'm not suggesting for a moment that we should say, ⁓ you signed up for this. This is your karma. You know, I'm not saying that. Or that we shouldn't bother trying to remedy these horrible situations because people signed up for it. So let them starve, you know? I mean, I'm not saying that.

speaker-0: I worked with homeless in soup kitchens and in Milwaukee we were feeding 400 people in one day and that's part of the opportunity. We have a mess here. Can we bring love into this situation? And I found some of the most amazing people in the shelters. people you'd never expect. I remember the gentleman who I was wiping down the tables. This was years ago. This had to be 30-some years ago. And I still remember looking into his eyes and being so moved. I was wiping down the tables and he was eating really slow. He's an older gentleman. And he was last one in the room. And there was a big cafeteria. And I was wiping down the tables and cleaning things up. He looked up at me and just to look in his eyes, it was like there was no server and there was no served. was looking into a mirror. was, it was such a depth of love. was soul to soul blending and ⁓ I'll never forget it. know, seeing the suffering, mean, I've worked to battered women's shelters. I've worked as a chaplain. I've worked in All kinds of things involved healing and being there. I've worked in jails. And so it's not that we allow, we're okay with all these things that happening in the world. This is the opportunity. What will we do with this? You know, what we do with it? Some people, you know, they just turn on the TV and go to sleep, you know? And so that's a choice too. And so there's no right and wrong here. It's just what will you do with what's presented in your life? Will you turn it into something beautiful? I mean, I was amazed by Victor Frankl's story. He was in the Auschwitz, the camp, and just his observations and his experiences of people. so, yeah, it's ⁓ amazing, amazing stories in this life of people. Their courage rises in the most challenging situations and everything's relative. I had a priest once asked me, ⁓ Cause I was protesting vehemently in my idealistic stage. ⁓ In my late twenties, I was protesting U.S. involvement in Central America. My friends died there and there was a lot of death squads at the time. People were dying just brutally. And he said to me one day, he said, you live in the United States and you're quite comfortable. And you're projecting, he had worked in Central America, he lived there for many years and he worked with the people and he said, there's a lot of projection happening because you don't, it's all relative in a sense. And I only understood what he was saying later. We project our paradigm, our framework, our view of the world onto other parts of the world. We don't know what they're experiencing. He was saying something similar to what Victor Franco said was, Victor Franco one time was walking in New York down the street and two ladies were looking at a magazine and they saw like seven or eight prisoners in the camps on this bed, this platform. Basically it was just a wood platform and people would cuddle into this little place and they were saying, oh, how horrible this is. And they were just going on and on. And he looked over their shoulder and said, actually that was a That was a fairly good moment there. So they weren't being beat up. They were safe. were, know, and so everything's relative. We can project so much onto, you know, the world. That's like, but if we come back to what we're experiencing in this moment, ⁓ almost like I'm saying sometimes just mind what's in front of us, you know, mind, love the person in front of you. And if that's not happening, you know what I, I talk about my book, story of when I was doing those protests and one of the sisters, religious sisters, was with, she's a Franciscan and she was getting arrested. And I saw the anger in her eyes that she was getting arrested. This was nonviolent protest. So it didn't compute that she would be offering so much resistance and anger to this police officer. And I saw in that moment that what she was angry about had nothing to do with what was happening. was internal anger, something much deeper. so I turned it on myself, what are you angry about? What are you projecting onto the world that you want to go save the world and you can't even, for me it ended up, I can't even love my father in a way that's, know, respectful or at a depth that is needed. ⁓ And so I packed everything up, drove 2000 miles and Attempted to work on that relationship to be have some kind of integrity and then that didn't work It was like we were at each other's throats. And so I realized that I was asking him for something that he couldn't give and so and I was asking for love from the outside in instead of inside out and so I went deeper I said you have to love from the inside out So many of us are trying to get love from the outside in, you know, and that's where we're unhappy. We hate you because you're not loving me. You're not, you know, when we come into a ⁓ partnership with a partner, it's like many people come into the relationship, what can I get out of this rather than what can I give? And love is, love is what can I give? What can I, ⁓ how can I love you? You know, it's not, if you're in a relationship and you're trying to get, then That's not love. That's a dysfunction. so, ⁓ anyway, so I worked, that's why I ended up going into psychotherapy. I ended up becoming a psychotherapist and working over 10 years. And what I found was I was able to integrate the spirituality at a much deeper level because I had worked on all the spiritual bypass where I had, you know, taken spirituality into place that, you know, I had a woundedness that I hadn't been willing to look at. You know, and healing that. So healing from the inside out. If everybody, if all of us took note of healing ourselves from the inside out, the world wouldn't have such terrible things as mass shootings and stuff like this. It'd be a different world. So it is a collective responsibility that's happening in the world. You know, we think, ⁓ I would never be capable of that. Yes, you would. Every single one of us is capable of all of it, believe it or not. put it in the right conditions. And we have, you know, we can sit here and say, I would never do that. Yeah, we would. Every single person would.

speaker-1: Yeah, well, you made a whole lot of great points just then. Did you want to add something more? No. Okay. Yeah, just make a brief synopsis. I totally get what you're saying about in a relationship if two people are taking, trying to take, then nobody's giving, and so nobody gets because it's like two vacuums trying to get something from each other or something. Yeah.

speaker-0: Thank you, girl

speaker-1: Yeah, so but if people are full within themselves, then they actually don't need to get anything from anybody else. They can just give. And if two people find each other who are in that condition, then it's like this infinite feedback loop of love and giving. Yeah. And then just about the world, I totally agree. I think that all the world's problems are symptomatic of the state of mind or development of all the eight billion people who live here.

speaker-0: Yeah.

speaker-1: Absolutely. we can, sure, we need to do something on political levels and economic levels and environmental levels and all those other things. They need to be treated on their own level. But if we just do that and don't like enable people to blossom from within and unfold their full inner potential, then it's kind of like watering the leaves of a tree and never giving the roots any water.

speaker-0: That's a good picture, yeah. The roots need watering, nurturing, and love comes from the inside out, and then the flowers can blossom, and it's all, you know, it's a different point of trying to solve the problems from the outside in doesn't usually work. It hasn't worked so far.

speaker-1: Painting the roses red from Alice in Wonderland. ⁓ And we also, we all have this infinite potential within us, this unbounded reservoir of energy, intelligence, love, peace, and so on. It's just a matter of tapping into it.

speaker-0: tapping into it. And it's a practice, it's an integration, you're never there. That perfection is in the imperfection, you know, we're never perfect, so it's not about being perfect. ⁓ It's a journey and having compassion, love for yourself in this journey is very important. And at least I found the self-love and moving from out of fear, you know. ⁓ That's a big one.

speaker-1: So, okay, abrupt segue here. So at what age did you start really getting into kayaking and become competitive with it?

speaker-0: Um, that was very young. think I was, I was in junior high school. I was, I believe it was 13 years old. I have to say, I don't have a very good, uh, value of time because time is just, it's, uh, but yeah, I was in junior high. saw my coach drive by with a 40 foot trailer with all these boats on it. I wanted, I want to do that. I love to travel. And so there was competitions all the United States and. and countries and so I just jumped right in. I jumped into training with 100 % and was on the national championship team. made national champions seven times. yeah, it was an amazing journey. got to, ⁓ I wasn't, the competition was interesting, but more I was just competing with myself. The challenge of getting up at 4.30 in the morning and. running down to the marina and then working out for two hours. And I don't know where that discipline went because I don't have it anymore. But I had a lot of discipline then and determination. And it was channeled. And I did that until they boycotted the Olympics in 19...

speaker-1: 1980. Jimmy Carter. Yeah. We were having a spat with the Russians and Carter pulled the US out of the Olympics.

speaker-0: And that really sent me, was really disillusioned at that time about the politics and sports. so I didn't think that I wanted to dedicate four more years. And so I was upset and I joined the Air Force, which was not a good idea and not a good fit for me. At the time I had converted to costalism just a few months later and I was just really deeply seeking. wanted to, to, I was just. a little bit lost during that time, yeah, because I mean, I had a hundred and fifty percent dedication and focus, and then it was just like blown up in my face.

speaker-1: Yeah. Well, and there's some amusing stories about your Air Force tenure, but people can read your book if they want to hear those. We're spending time on them right now. Like the way you folded your clothes and that you ever wore them. they all look, always look perfectly folded. Yeah. And then when did you get into Aikido?

speaker-0: Aikido was when I was in junior college, so that was right after actually, that was in 1981, 1982 I believe, semester. And I was in junior college and I didn't want a competitive sport again. And I heard about this non-violent, non-competitive martial art and I thought, oh, I'll take that class. And the reason what got me is that I was... found that when I was training with my instructor there at the college that one day he had an observation and he said, you have a lot of defensiveness in your body. Anybody else would have said that to me, would have punched him. But to him, it wasn't judgmental. It was just a clear observation and it was true. I had a lot of defensiveness, one just probably from my childhood, you know, and locked up. And so I found that the martial arts in Aikido I could learn a lot about who I was through the movement and I could learn to soften some of the defensiveness and to blending rather than, you know, fight. And fighting for me is definitely in my nature. I have to say, even though there's definitely a peacemaker and a soft side to me, there is a warrior. that's, I don't know, part of my nature. I think that that's, I felt like I was fighting from the first breath to breathe. breathing was from a baby was ⁓ I remember not being able to breathe and with my dad it felt like ⁓ if I lost the fight I would die. So there was that complication of how do I learn how to blend rather than fight and that's been a lifelong integration.

speaker-1: So keto is really good for you in that respect.

speaker-0: Yeah, it's been amazing. And so I've been in it ever since I had my own school and yeah.

speaker-1: Yeah, were a five degree, fifth degree black belt. And there was some story in your book where some guy picked you up and gave you a ride and then drove off some down some dirt road and obviously didn't have ⁓ altruistic motivations in mind. And you somehow spooked him into taking you back to a hotel.

speaker-0: It's a crazy experience. ⁓ That story is about releasing fear and abandoning fear and one of the most powerful experiences in my life. I feel like I had practiced that many years before because there was a part of me that always knew there's a part of me that you can never touch no matter what happens to my physical body. I remember that aspect of who I was that couldn't be, it's untouchable. And as long as we have that, really is nothing to be afraid of. But anyways.

speaker-1: But you still don't want somebody to mess with your physical body either

speaker-0: That wouldn't have been pleasant at all, but I have a feeling he would have lost but So I was I was not hitchhiking. I was walking because the bus I had five more miles to go and He pulled to the side and said you want to ride and so I I said, okay And so I jumped in put my backpack in the back and it was just a five mile ride down to an atayze Which is an ecumenical or conference and a gathering of young people around the world. Anyways, ⁓ he had other plans and it ended up getting dark and he drove down a dirt road and everything in my body was just shaking in fear. And so was like the cartoons when your knees knock, the knees knock. And I felt like I was kind of out of my body as he was driving down the road. thought, you're in a bad situation. You don't speak the language. You're secluded here, and this isn't this is not good, and I just started

speaker-1: He was, this was not an English speaking person.

speaker-0: No, it's French. It was in France. It was in the countryside in France. And he was trying to get seclusion by driving down this dirt road off the highway. ⁓ I just started praying, you know, and I said, if this starts, one of us will not leave here tonight. You know, I will, he will kill me or I'll kill him, but I would not be a victim. I will not be a victim. And just that prayer that

speaker-1: In France, okay?

speaker-0: everything softened in me because I determined at that point, there was only one way out of this. And yet there was a third way, which was he shifted. Because at that point, when I let go of my life, there was only one life left to take and it was his. And I would have killed him and I wouldn't have left him breathing. And some people say, how can you be a nonviolent person? It's like, You know, I teach self-defense. teach downright dirty self-defense to women. have taught at the university for over 10 years. you people say, you know, how can, you know, there was a story, I'll continue that story in a minute, but, know, there was a story when I was in college where I told at the university every semester where, you know, people would say, you know, especially women, I would never fight back, you know, because, you know, I can't do that. I never poked their eyes out because, you know, that's gross. You know, it's like, well, would you do it if your every child was there? Yes, absolutely. You know, women will protect their children no matter what. And so I said, well, not protecting yourself, then, you you've left your family with a lifetime. So we have a right to self-defense. And so, I mean, I haven't given that over to nonviolence yet. That's the warrior in me. Anyway, so I'll continue. I can get off into a different story of there when I told every semester. ⁓ what happened was he turned the car off, was looking at me and I presented to him. said, start this car. And at the time I had taken private vows, so I had a crucifix ring on my finger. I said, you start this car and you take me to town and you're going to take me to hotel and tomorrow you're going to pick me up and you're going to take me where you should have taken me in the first place. And I said it was such authority that he just melted.

speaker-1: And he understood enough English to get...

speaker-0: He understood English. Okay. Yeah. And ⁓ he understood the power of what was coming out of my presence. And he felt death in his face. Because it just went like white. He looked like he had died. And he started shaking as well. And then he started the car. He took me into town and he picked me up the next morning. I was a bit surprised, but he did. And then he took me to Taize and then when he

speaker-1: and it's just.

speaker-0: got out of the car, had the audacity to say, careful, it's dangerous out there. And I took a cross, a Franciscan cross, and I gave it to him. said, I'll see you again someday. Because I believe I will. I believe that, you know, I'll see him in the next world. And that would be an interesting story. What I learned from him was, you know, ultimately, we have nothing to lose in the most dire situations, whether it be in a prison or, know, somebody, love is always present. You're never alone. If you know that deeply within yourself, no one can take that away. Not the meanest, baddest person in the world. They don't have that power. And so letting go of fear to that level, yeah.

speaker-1: Good. Well, thank you. I'm glad that you stood up to him. ⁓ A couple of questions came in. Let me ask them. One is from someone named Damien Lewis who wants to know, following news nowadays can get depressing and exhausting. However, if the soul grows and learns the most through difficulties, Maybe the apocalyptic doomsday scenarios are actually the best for growth of the souls. What are your thoughts on that?

speaker-0: Well, I think there's a balance to that, right? Because ⁓ I think it's important right now to be mindful of what we connect to, what we're plugged into. At least for me, it's been, you know, who will I sit at my table, you know, every day? And because that's what I'm vibrating at. If I, you know, I get it little pieces, I don't want to be so disconnected, but my true work is within and I really don't feed into what's going on unless I can do something about it. And what I can do about it is working on myself from the inside out, working on the relationships close to me. That's what I have I can actually touch and engage with. But plugging into the program can be quite risky because you're plugging into a program that, ⁓ one, We don't even know who's designing this program. They're moving people into states of such fear that fear works. You can have a lot of control over people. It's always worked. If we can get the masses afraid. everything is an opportunity for growth. But I would say be mindful of what we plug into. Does that make sense?

speaker-1: Yeah, I think so. I don't know if it's the doomsday scenarios that are the best for our growth, like obsessing about the horrible things that might happen. But if bad things do happen, as we were discussing earlier, then are they happening just capriciously or meaninglessly? Or is there some kind of cosmic orchestration that in big picture, if you could zoom out far enough, is most conducive to the growth of all souls concerned.

speaker-0: Everything is an opportunity. Everything is an opportunity for love. Everything is an opportunity. And so when we zoom out, this is an opportunity. Can I choose love even in the midst of this horrible thing that's happening? You know, it's, so when I zoom out, yes, that's the question. Victor Franco talked about this, man's search for meaning. What meaning do we put to this? You know? And so that's a choice as well. What meaning will I give this?

speaker-1: Yeah. There's a couple of bits from the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. One is a verse that says, avert the danger that has not yet come. I think of that in terms of if you're doing spiritual practice, maybe ⁓ you have some kind of karma coming along, which is going to mean you're going to break your leg. But if you work up enough what they call punya, which means spiritual merit, then maybe you just stub your toe or something like that. ⁓ And then there's another verse in there which talks about how in the vicinity of spiritual practice, ⁓ disharmony or chaos or incoherence remains at a distance. And I feel like if enough people were on a spiritual path in this world, then we wouldn't have to end up with violent outcomes and wars and all the terrible things that happened. ⁓ as we were speaking earlier, those things wouldn't manifest because the ambient state of mind of humanity would just not manifest such things. would be manifesting more positive things.

speaker-0: Yeah, that's most likely, yeah, because it is a vibrational experience. I want to say too though that just because a person is practicing awakening or having, know, living a life with attempted ⁓ taking everything as an opportunity to love, it doesn't mean that ⁓ challenging events don't happen. And that's

speaker-1: ⁓ no.

speaker-0: It's not a sense of blame on the person, it's it's life and it's life in a human body that, you know, things happen and there isn't ⁓ a homogeneous coherence happening in the world, so things do happen and on a collective. And so sometimes people suffer greatly and there's many stories of, you know, people who have suffered greatly and they're amazing, loving beings.

speaker-1: Sure. Jesus himself. Yeah. But there's a lot of things that can be averted though. Like we've been watching the pit lately, which is this medical drama, kind of like ER, but it's a current one. about 75, it's about a hospital emergency room and about 75 % of the cases that come in are as a result of people doing something stupid. Like, you know,

speaker-0: You know? ⁓

speaker-1: setting off a firecracker in their hand or some kind of accident that wouldn't have happened if they hadn't been drunk or had been thinking more clearly or whatever. So you can avert a lot of calamities by getting your act together here and here.

speaker-0: Yes. Yeah, that's true. We learned the hard way sometimes. ⁓

speaker-1: Yeah, another question came in from Martin Klein. ⁓ And we haven't really talked about your spiritual medium work yet, although we've alluded to it and we're going to talk about it more. ⁓ And I think I know how you're going to answer this question, but his question is, since you do spiritual medium work, do you, like so many, see cataclysmic events for the second half of this year?

speaker-0: If I did I wouldn't tell you.

speaker-1: That's what I thought you were gonna say.

speaker-0: Because I don't want to feed into this, ⁓ be present now, right this minute, and we don't know what's going to come tomorrow. So ⁓ I just don't feed into this fear that I think we were talking earlier about the party houses and that are just stirring up this fear about what's going to, the world's going to end tomorrow, know, cataclysmic predictions. With every thought like this, we create a neurochemical response in our body immediately. So I just don't take my thoughts there. I say, what can I do now? Who can I love now? You know, when I go to the grocery store, can I make a smile at this person, you know, even though I'm feeling not well today or whatever, you know, it's just like make mindful practice every day. And I just don't agree that we should be feeding into the program. And that's program.

speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah, I mean, who was it? It wasn't you, I don't think. ⁓ I know who it was. This lady named Melinda Edwards that I interviewed about a year ago. And she had grown up in a very fundamentalist Christian family and had had it drilled into her head that if she wasn't saved, she was going to hell. Yeah. And she just had this deathly fear that bothered her, that tormented her all the time as a child that

speaker-0: If that makes sense.

speaker-1: what if I die? And like her family got in a car accident where they went over a cliff in Guatemala and they were just kind of stopped by a tree. Otherwise they would have fallen 2000 feet and hurt. But her immediate thought was I'm not ready to die because I'm not saved and I'm going to go to hell for all eternity. know, there have been spiritual teachings that have drilled this into people's head than just to sort of use fear as a, as a stick rather than offering some kind of carrot that might be more.

speaker-0: They still use fear as stick. Some of the people that have embraced the way of Jesus are some of the people that wield the stick hardest and talk opposite about what he taught, which was love, unconditional love, the judgment that comes across, and the division that's caused by, you're not saved. I remember going to a church, I remember that feeling. My parents went for a short time, I think it was only a month, but I remember the minister hammering on the pulpit. I think it was a Nazarene minister of some kind. I remember his face, I was only like seven years old, but I remember his face during blood red and he looked like his eyes were going to pop out. was screaming and I was like, that doesn't look like love to me. It doesn't feel like love to me. So this fear base has always worked. still does. So governments use it, churches used it, and they still do. And it serves no one. It's part of a twisted program. It doesn't have anything to do with love. There are many ways back to who we are, which is that's who we are is love. ⁓ I look at the future as a very, there's a lot of wonderful potential. ⁓ We live in an amazing time and I'm actually excited to be here at this time in this world.

speaker-1: Me too, I'm very optimistic. I think we might go through a lot more rough stuff than we have yet gone through. I think there could very well be a rainbow on the other side.

speaker-0: I think so too.

speaker-1: Yeah, and a lot of ancient traditions predict that. say, yeah, there's going to be a rough period, but humanity ultimately has a bright future.

speaker-0: Yeah. And that seems like, if you look back in history, that seems like where big shifts have happened in rough times and then something, you know, wonderful happens. It's just like, it's like the heartbeat, you know, breathing in and out. Yeah, seems to be.

speaker-1: Yeah, we kind of learn in cycles, don't we? Two steps forward, one step back, but we're still proceeding forward.

speaker-0: Yeah

speaker-1: ⁓ Okay, so the mediumship thing is one of your current main focuses. Why don't we get into that? So I think you were inspired by Suzanne Giesemann.

speaker-0: Yeah, I was inspired by Susan Giesemann. It was in 2018, I came across her documentary, Messages of Hope. And I've always been interested in spirituality. That's been the thrust of my whole life since I was a kid. And I studied theology and philosophy because of that and just, you know, lived in many monasteries searching and trying to get back to that sense of home. And When I came across her story, was like, wow, somebody with such credibility talking about mediumship. And I had these connections since I was a kid, medium to me was somebody you'd find at a carnival or, know, I didn't take it too seriously. ⁓ And when she started talking about it, I took it seriously. And so I went to several of her trainings and got to know her and I took all her trains and then I ended up going to Arthur Finley College in 2019. That's the mediumship college in UK. And I was there for a couple months. Usually people go for a week and I just stayed.

speaker-1: You know, was plunging 100 %

speaker-0: Yeah, 100%. That's how I do it. So I was doing it for my own spiritual practice. I had no intention ever to do this for ⁓ work, you know. And it just, after COVID hit, my practice, my dojo, everything was closed. And so I had more time on my hands. so I started practicing more. There was a platform called Very Soul. And it's an amazing platform where people can practice with practice partners. And so I started practicing like a martial art in a sense of, you know, the discipline and, you know, every day and, and it just got better and better polishing. it's a lot of polishing. It takes a lot of courage to do this because you're trusting your, your, um, opening yourself up to communication with, and you're building trust. that it's not just your imagination. And that's come over time. That's come over time to build that trust. And I absolutely love it. There's a certain point in my development, it's very solicited. The feedback you're getting is so incredible. You need to be doing this for real, helping people that are in deep grief. I thought about it for a while and I said, okay, well, I'll do a few sessions and see how it goes. And it was amazing. And it's been amazing ever since. You know, if you look at my life, Rick, I've done a lot of things. And the thing that I think is most interesting is that I've never identified with any of it. It's not who I am, you know? I don't make that whatever I do. It's who I am and the doing, not the doing that defines who I am. So this is just another doing and I'm enjoying it, but it's just not who I am. And so if that makes sense, I absolutely am having a great time doing the mediumship, but I don't need to do it. It doesn't define me and I don't need to. I'm doing it because it stretches me. It stretches my trust. and the subtle aspects of spirit and I see the healing that can happen. It just stretches me because it takes a heck of a lot of courage when you have somebody sitting in front of you in deep grief and you want to deliver, you want to, and it's like you realize you have nothing to do with it. You're just an empty conduit. And healing, I've been healing longer than the mediumship since I was 17. I was doing healing and energy healing. And I love that as well. But the emptier you can be, then that happens. The communications happen, the healing happens. It really is being empty in the no-mind. So it's very much like in Aikido, we have ⁓ Shoshin, which is beginner's mind, and then we have Mushin, no-mind, and then Fudoshin, which is ⁓ immovable mind. So these states of presence and move them of mind, know, in Aikido we have, ⁓ we call it randori, which is a dance of chaos and you're being attacked by several people at the same time and your practice is, can you stay steady? Can you stay breathing? Can you enter, not back up? Can you engage with presence and direction rather than panic? And so I bring all these into the mediumship practice and it seems to work very well. and it's a challenge for me and so I'm enjoying it this time. I'm getting just a kick out of the stuff people don't understand in the moment and they might understand later. And fun things like I should turn, show you, I don't know if you can see a picture, I'll turn my phone off, but some of the most amazing things is the information people didn't understand in the moment. Like I told the lady, her son came through and I said, he's I've never had anybody do this before. He, in sense, he said, spell the name. He said, it's not B-R-I-A-N, it's B-R-Y-A-N. And he said it twice. And I said to this mom, do you understand the name Brian? She said, no. And I said, okay, we'll just write it down in your paper and see what happens. Well, a few minutes after her session was over, she is writing me and she says, my gosh, I figured it out. My daughter's getting married in three months and that was her brother in spirit, my son. She's getting married in three months and her surname is going to be B-R-Y-A-N. So this happens again and again where people connect to other people that understand or it clicks. yeah, now I understand.

speaker-1: Tell the one about the little kid with the Easter basket talking and pointing at his tooth.

speaker-0: Yeah, that's a story put in my book where ⁓ this young man, he ⁓ committed suicide. It was very devastating for his mom. They were very, very close. And he came into this reading just strong. He was just dropping all kinds of evidence. And then right at end, I said, I know he passed. He's showing me that he passed as a teenager, but he showing me a picture, what appears to be a picture of him holding an Easter basket. And I saw him, had his finger on his tooth like this. he's two years old. said, he's a toddler. He's a little kid with an Easter basket in this picture. And she said, no, I don't have a picture like that. And I said, okay, we'll just write it down and see what happens. And you know, you have to just keep going and be willing to just, you know, trust what's coming through.

speaker-1: just a little kid at that point.

speaker-0: And if people understand it in the moment, they do it, they don't, you just keep going because, you know, it often, often more than not, it's understood later. So anyways, that very day, her daughter comes home with a stack of photographs and said, Aunt so-and-so gave me these pictures for you to go through and give the rest back. Keep them as you want and give the rest back. She goes through these pictures and there it is. He's a two-year-old. He's holding his Easter basket and he's got his finger on his tooth like this. And so I got letters after that, emails after that from her friends and said this lady was suicidal at the time. And that just put her in a whole different direction, knowing that her son really is right there still with her, just in a different way, not in a physical way, but he's still, she'll see him again. So. They just shifted her whole direction. And so that happens again and again and again. I had one lady where I said, I don't know if I put this one in the book. I, I, where he was showing me he was in an accident. was aware that he didn't pass right away because he, I saw an ambulance going to the hospital and then I just felt like it went into a fog and he, he, ⁓ She said he went into a coma and never came out and I had to make the terrible decision as mom to turn the machine off. And I don't know if I made the right decision. Well, he had a lot to say about that. And that would have been a beautiful healing reading in itself. But then the next thing he showed me, I laughed because I said, he's, it reminded me of Tinkerbell going in the sky here. Cause I see stars like she's putting stars in the sky. I didn't know what I was saying when I was saying Tinkerbell, but she did. She said that was the name of his dog. ⁓ And Tinkerbell was about this big. He took Tinkerbell everywhere with him and Tinkerbell died in the accident with him.

speaker-1: I think that was in your book. I remember that now.

speaker-0: And then the next thing he showed me, let me see if can find it, the next thing he showed me was a red and white flag. And I said, ⁓ Do you understand? Why? Yeah, the same guy. He gave me three pieces. And I said, he's showing me a red and white flag. Do you understand that? And she said, no. And I said, he's got me looking up at a blue sky and I see a red and white flag in the sky. And she says, I don't understand that. then my mind jumped in. And that's the part that you have to keep out, at least I do as a meeting. It's just good to be empty in report.

speaker-1: same guy

speaker-0: Report, report, report. But my thinking mind jumped in to try to solve it. And I said, did you release red and white balloons or something? Cause I see red and white in the sky. I was, I knew what I was seeing. And she said, no. And I said, okay, just write it down and, and see what happens. And I've learned because it's happened again and again and again. And that's what I'm joy about this. Well, two weeks later, she's taking a walk and it's his birthday weekend. She's missing him deeply because Annabelle's birthdays are hard. and she's feeling super sad and she looks up in the sky and she sees it's it's an airplane carrying a red and white flag i can't see it ⁓

speaker-1: Well, one of those banners that is... Yeah, I see that. Yeah, I see it.

speaker-0: And it says Wawa, which is a place, a store they used to walk to together. And he would say, Wawa is such a silly name, it makes me laugh. And so just bringing that sense of ease and, know, it's okay. So that happens again and again. And then sometimes it's as clear as mud. This is a fun one, if I can show you. This happened just the other day last week. in the reading and this is how it can go. Sometimes it's like a static radio and then sometimes it's just bam, bam, know, dropping in. I don't have control of it except my control is to relax. I find that coming into this, ⁓ these communications with like a childlike essence of wonder and awe without expectations ⁓ and it really helps the people. It's not performance. It's not, you know, and sometimes people come in and it's most feels like they want you to perform. It's like, just relax. It's a conversation. It's a, it's a, it's a relationship. And so anyways, this is, this is a funny one because I didn't know who, I don't ask people who they want to hear from. during this reading, I kept seeing this possum. What to me, it looked like a possum. And I, and I said, do you understand a possum? And she said, well, kinda. And I said, okay, well, you can just let me know later. And this is, this is who she wanted to hear from. Yeah. She, she put them side by side. Uh, but her dog looks like a poss. So I was seeing her dog, but that's who she wanted to hear from. That's who she was. had, this dog was with her 18 years and just her love. And, uh, she was wanting to hear from her dog. And so.

speaker-1: It's a dog and a possum. Yes, it does.

speaker-0: ⁓ That was, that was, I thought that was pretty funny, you know. And then I have the drawings. Do you want me to talk about that? Sure. The drawings. So I was doing a reading for a mom in, I believe it was Washington, and I've never taken a drawing class. I've never learned how to sketch. I could basically do stick figures. And so I don't know how to draw portraits. And I was doing a reading for a mom. in Washington and her son came in and he said, I was doodling on the paper just to get myself out of my thinking mind. And he says to me, turn the paper over and start again and let go. And I said, okay. So I turned the paper over and I let go. And this beautiful portrait came out and come to find out his name's John and he was an artist. He was a portrait artist in this life. And so I get drawings every once in a while, 60 to 70 % of time, not always. And not always do people recognize them. But when they do, it's quite amazing. Here's a couple examples. I don't if you can see those.

speaker-1: ⁓ those are quite good. And you have no art training or anything.

speaker-0: No art training. And what I find interesting is they have different each one. They're not cookie cutter drawings. They have different feelings, you know, there's several, you know, several here that I put in the book. I didn't put the photographs next to them in the book because I didn't want to deal with. on my website I have. Yeah, I don't even look at, you know, I'm just like doodling as I'm talking and not really paying attention. And then I look down and there's a drawing there. So I enjoy this and really it's a discipline of letting go and being present when there's grief. I'm most of the time when there's a lot of grief, people in spirit are right there with them. I had another fun one. You want to hear one more? And it's different. It's different. So this one is a little bit different. Once in a great while, somebody here still on a body will have something to share. And usually what I find is there's... ⁓

speaker-1: You're mediuming for a living person.

speaker-0: We're all living, just in different... person. like one time I had a gentleman, he came in and he had felt foggy. I felt like it was like an Alzheimer's or dementia. And I said, he's showing me two motorhomes. Do you understand? And she said, yeah, that's my boyfriend. We're going on our last camping trip and he's taking his motorhome and I'm taking my motorhome because we get an argument sometimes and we need our own space.

speaker-1: Right, an embodied person.

speaker-0: And he's saying if you communicate with me heart to heart, soul to soul first, then it's going to be a beautiful trip. I'll understand better if you come from ⁓ that communication that's unsaid, but it's ⁓ subtle and he'll understand because you're communicating with him on a level he can understand. So that was pretty amazing. But the second one was

speaker-1: We were able to help reconcile it so they could take just one motor home.

speaker-0: he said, no, I don't know, I don't know. I didn't follow up on that one. But anyways, so the second one was I had this mom and everybody came through, had a family reunion. was aunts and uncles and grandpas and sometimes when I opened the door, it's just like floods of crowd. But this whole time I said I had this young girl standing here, she's about 10 or 11 years old. And I don't

speaker-1: Seems rather inefficient. proud.

speaker-0: often get ages and so that was unique. And I said, she's showing me what looks like a playhouse. see toys inside the playhouse and I see a structure and then I see a pink blanket over the top. And it didn't end up being a playhouse. ⁓ I said, do you understand this? And she said, that's my daughter. She's living now. She's I think 10 or 11 years old and she's nonverbal. She's never spoken. And this is a picture of her bed. And it's built that way to keep the light out as a pink blanket over the top. It has toys inside. And to me, it looked like a playhouse, but it's built that way to keep the light out because you get seizures from light. But her message was incredible. Her message was mom, we can communicate just like the medium because it's a matter of the heart. And her mom says, I can do this too. And I said, we can all do this. There's nothing special at all about mediums. They're just crazy enough to keep. practicing this, at least for me. ⁓ But we can all communicate with our loved ones and I'm sure, absolutely sure this mom has communicated with her daughter over the 11 years on the telepathic soul to soul level. ⁓ I did afterwards, after this, because I was wondering if there's other people who had experienced that and I was quite impressed. did write them.

speaker-1: listen to the telepathy tapes by

speaker-0: very interested in working with more people like this because I think there's a great potential in this kind of communication. To me it's more than telepathic, it's soul to soul. It's a blending. ⁓ That's what I experienced in my third near-death experience. It wasn't mind to mind, it was a ⁓ soul blending communication.

speaker-1: Yeah. So as you were saying all that, telling me those stories, I was thinking about how probably everything in your life has contributed to your development to enable you to do what you're doing now as well as you do it. The near-death experiences and the Aikido and even the athletic training, the focus that that required, the discipline. meditation retreats and living in a monastery and all this stuff you've done. And now you say that everybody has the capacity to do this kind of thing, but that's like saying, has the capacity to become a math genius or something that you have to take certain steps to develop an innate capacity. Or maybe that's not a good example. Maybe it's more universal than that. ⁓ But obviously some people have lived their life in such a way as to culture. subtlety and sensitivity and perceptivity and others have not. They've lived their lives in such a way as to become more dull. But I suppose if one has the desire to do this, then that's the key ingredient right there. And ⁓ you can make progress if you at least have the initiative. what would you say in general? Is this something that would be good for everyone to pursue or for at least those who find it appealing and interesting, they could pursue it. And if so, how should they do so? And I'm throwing a lot of questions in all at once, but I also want to ask you if you've ever had anything scary or deleterious happen to you as a result of this, like you opened yourself up to some negative entities or something like that. And if there are precautionary ⁓ statements you'd like to make for people who might want to get involved in this kind of thing. We'll run through them again. So maybe start with, how universal is this? There's certain things that I think would be good for everybody, like getting regular exercise or eating a good diet or perhaps doing some kind of meditation or spiritual practice. Is this one of those things or is this more like, if you're really attracted to it, then go for it, but it's not necessarily something for everybody?

speaker-0: It's kind of like, I think it's true that my life is, everything is culminating into this. It's like, it's just arrived here after many years of, I believe,

speaker-1: And I just started to interrupt it and you can't do your Aikido anymore because you had a car neck injury, a car accident that could cripple you if you twisted it the wrong way. And maybe you can't do the roll thing anymore because that's too physical, you your age. And so this is like perfect for this stage of your life.

speaker-0: It's a perfect thing for me to be practicing the principles of I.K.E., which is harmony, blending, surrender, ⁓ not forcing, getting back up when it's not so easy, and staying centered. So everything that I've done definitely ⁓ has contributed to the practice I'm doing now and all the years of therapy on myself because When I was in graduate school in psychotherapy, I was amazed that there are actually people going to go into practice with psychotherapy that never had therapy on themselves. And so I'm a proponent of, know, walk the walk yourself. can't walk somebody in a direction you've been willing to do yourself. It's true that everything has led me to this. And so when I say that everybody can do this, I guess I'm, I want to lean away from this as a gift, even though it is a gift. It's not something that somebody dropped in. It's like I've worked my butt off on this. And I've polished a whole lifetime to get to this point where I can surrender into such communications. And I can honor somebody who's in grief and be with them in that point. mean, being a chaplain for watching people let go of their last breath over and over again. So I do have that background that adds to the mediumship. practice. So I do believe because we're spirit we can all connect and in a sense that you know we can connect to our loved ones but not I don't think everybody should be practicing ⁓ mediumship. No it's like bodywork you know I've had bodywork from people who had shouldn't be practicing bodywork. They haven't worked enough on their own self to be trying to help somebody else and so it feels different. When you're receiving bodywork from somebody that has no boundaries for one and they're just not centered, it feels a lot, it feels different when you're receiving it. But when you're working with somebody that's centered, I mean, one of the first bodywork sessions I had was from ⁓ a religious sister who had lots of training and she had a beautiful prayer life and she was incredibly centered and it was an amazing experience. of trust. So I guess what I'm saying is that ⁓ yes and no, we can all do this, but not everybody should be doing it. And it's become kind of a fad in the sense, you know, everybody wants to be a medium now. ⁓

speaker-1: Can you get yourself into trouble if you do it when you're not really adequately prepared in terms of your inner purification? You can hurt others and can you endanger yourself?

speaker-0: I don't know if you can endanger yourself, you can, you can, you know, because when I, you're talking about like negative energies, correct? ⁓

speaker-1: Yeah, spirit possession and things like that, which I think I've seen evidence of and certainly heard stories about.

speaker-0: My view on this is that like energy attracts like energy. So if you're not being in a state of loving kindness and loving centered in love, then you open yourself up to all kinds of stuff. I always tell the kids, if you want to be a lawyer, hang around with lawyers or doctors. If you want to be a drug addict, hang around with Like attracts like. You start to vibrate with that. with that frequency and it becomes a coherence in your reality is experiencing that. So if you're ⁓ in a state where you're not taking care of your center, you're not coming from a place of love, loving kindness and of service, because this definitely is a service, even though I do charge and I don't charge a lot compared to I charge what I would charge for a therapy session. it's basically it's for my time. I mean, I have over 200,000 school loans, you know, for my education. So, and not still, I've just paid them good. Years to pay them off, but I actually paid it all off. But, you know, so don't apologize for charging for a session. I don't charge $1,200 in a session for people, but I do charge a minimal fee so that, you know, I can do, I can serve people in this way, but it really does come from a center of service rather than.

speaker-1: Still?

speaker-0: It doesn't come from a place of ego and that can be dangerous when you're, when you're, can hurt somebody coming from that place. They really do come from a sense of love and kindness and service.

speaker-1: that's true of being a spiritual teacher in general. mean, I've seen people go into it with a ⁓ lot of immaturity still and a sense of ego and then the tension they start getting just goes to their heads and the spiritual ego just goes bananas.

speaker-0: Yeah. that's one things I didn't start talking about this stuff until 2023. I didn't never share these experiences I had publicly.

speaker-1: You had been studying it for how long? By then?

speaker-0: I started in 2018 studying this.

speaker-1: ⁓ yeah, so you've been doing it for five years before.

speaker-0: ⁓ Yeah. And so when Suzanne invited me to do an air view, ⁓ one, I was quite nervous. I'm an introvert by nature and I have no desire to be out in the public eye. ⁓ And here I am. And it's ⁓ not my natural state. When I became a teacher at Fresno State and taught, you know, big classes of 40 students, that was not my comfort zone. And my teacher invited me to teach that and it stretched me. So I did it as a challenge to myself. And it is different when you're trying to teach somebody. He's like, how do I do this? You know, when you're trying to teach in different ways. So yeah, the mediumship has just evolved into a really beautiful place. I don't know how long I'll do it until I decide not to, you know, but I love it now.

speaker-1: And it seems to really be helping a lot of people. ⁓ I mean, like just the examples you gave, it can be such a relief and a liberation to hear that, you know, some very evidential thing that is very convincing that shows you that your beloved child is still very much in existence.

speaker-0: It just gives a sense of peace and a sense of, you know, they're still here just in a different way.

speaker-1: So when you're doing it, ⁓ you're not like Edgar Cayce who goes, who was totally in a trance and couldn't even tell you afterwards what happened or whatever, right? You're just very much still there.

speaker-0: I'm usually looking up and I'm blank. One lady accused me of reading off my screen. I'm not reading, I'm reading. I'm really deeply listening. Sometimes I close my eyes, but I try not to.

speaker-1: Look. So you have your eyes open and you're just kind of... Yeah. Your attention is inward. It's not. You're scribbling on a pad, but you're not looking at it. then what's your subjective experience? So you'll just actually get a clear visual picture, the kite in the sky or whatever.

speaker-0: Rippling at a pad, not looking at a- Sometimes I can't. Sometimes I'll get a clear visual picture, know, like the kite in the sky or the, know, whatever it is. And sometimes I'll hear things, you know, hear a name or hear, you know, something. And then sometimes I'll feel like I had to excuse myself. I'd never done this before. This happened last month where I sat down to do a reading and all of a I had to excuse myself. said, I got to excuse myself for a minute. And I felt this incredible pain in my stomach. And ⁓ I came back and I realized, I said, that wasn't me. You have a mom in spirit that has something going on with her stomach and her mom had stomach cancer. Sometimes I'll viscerally feel the pain or I'll feel like, you know, fog when it's, you know, sometimes if somebody had dementia or stroke or I'll feel pressure in my chest. And so I'll feel it in my body for a moment. And that gives me a clue what they're trying to get across. You know, sometimes it's just feeling, you know, sometimes it's just pure feeling emotion.

speaker-1: Are there times when nothing happens? Yeah. Is it dud?

speaker-0: Yeah, sometimes nothing happens. Not very often. I would say like less than one percent of the time, which is amazing to me. ⁓ once in a while and you just because I'm tight, I'm feeling pressure either from the person on the other side. I do tell stories as we get along to try to build up a rapport because I want people to come in with this relaxed feeling. And if there's a lot of tension, I seem to get tired. I try to get a conversation going without telling me any information because I don't want to know anything because when I know something my mind thinks, which I can't have it. But I do tell stories like I just told you, you know, to try to get the person to be comfortable because some people come into the session and they are so nervous, you know, and I say, just let's just have a conversation. Just like I'm sure you do with people that are nervous to come in.

speaker-1: Yeah, so that's what it is. Just be yourself.

speaker-0: So when I start to feel that happen, then I move into the communication and it seems to work better. I see this as we're all three working. It's the person receiving and it's the medium being empty as possible and it's those in spirit. Some people in spirit are better at it than others, I have to say. Some people are more just they're right there. And then some people you have to almost pull teeth to get them to step forward. Yeah, it's different. It's different every time. But I do every once in a while, I tell you, if you're coming in to test me, just don't, because it's hard enough. It's hard enough to do this, you know, without somebody, you know, pressuring you. And so, you know, I deal with it, but it's not something I enjoy. I really want to come into this with person in the communication. We're both coming into the sense of awe and wonder. And miracles happen. mean, I had a lady, she was looking for one specific piece of information from her dad and she was understanding the information, but I could feel her discounting it the whole time. it's like, okay, she's looking for something. I don't know what it is, but anyways, I kept listening to him and finally he never did give, though she wanted to hear something about a crow, I think or something. But what he did show was right at the end, I said, he's showing me. a ring or a piece of jewelry. looks like a ring and it's got gold and I said, it's like a ruby. And that's odd for a gentleman to show you a ruby, but he showed me ⁓ like a ruby ring and it was right here. She said, here it is sitting. This was his ring. It was his class ring and she had it sitting right in front of her. So that was just about, and you could feel when that happened, she just softened. Everything just went aw.

speaker-1: Yeah.

speaker-0: It's real. sometimes it just takes that for people.

speaker-1: can't blame some people for being skeptical. There have been a lot of fraudulent things and telephone psychics.

speaker-0: Yeah, yeah, And I've dealt with that with body work all my life, know, massage therapy and rolfing, you know, people come in and what I have to say is I've only my whole career of that work as I've only had like not even one or two people that I felt like they have an alternate, you know, motivation to come here. And it's because I set ⁓ a presence of professionalism. So when people walk in, you know, they know that this is ⁓ not, you know, an alternative service. And so the same with mediumship. The medium sets an energy, a presence of professionalism that people can relax and they know that it's not, you know, you can feel when it's a scam or you can feel when somebody's, you know, full of ego. You know, and I'm pretty sure I don't come across that way. could. have a lot to be happy. Yeah. But that's just not important to me. I really, yeah. So, but you can feel it when somebody has, you know, a sense of, you know, importance and I have no sense of importance about who I am.

speaker-1: think you could. No, you don't come across it.

speaker-0: I'm at this with a sense of joy and I hope usually people feel that. But once in a while it's not felt and so that's...

speaker-1: Do you most of these over Zoom or remotely or do you do some in person or what?

speaker-0: I work with people all over the world so it's all over the world. Yeah, it's all remotely.

speaker-1: Mostly remotely. ⁓ okay. And how many do you do a day?

speaker-0: I only do a maximum of two mediumships a day because, and one healing a day or one mentoring session. So I do mentoring, I do healing and I do mediumship. And I keep it to a low number because I want to keep enjoying it. I don't want this to be work.

speaker-1: Yeah. And after you do them, do you feel energized or drained?

speaker-0: Absolutely feel energized. Unless it's a session that the person put, you know, it just, there so much pressure and desperation. But usually I feel absolutely energized because there's just so much ⁓ love. And sometimes I'm just flooded with that love. there, I can just, it's just coming right through. it's like, it is such an honor for me. I feel honored to be, you know, a witness to some of the stuff that happens. I was like, wow, I get to do this. Ha

speaker-1: I've heard from people who have these kinds of abilities that people on the other side are really quite excited to find somebody who's capable of, you know, hearing them and allowing them to communicate. Yeah. Yeah. So there's like ⁓ a whole line of people who would love to avail themselves of your services if only their earthly loved ones would sign up for it.

speaker-0: Yeah, yeah. And it's getting better all the time. know, there's some amazing mediums in the world. I'm still studying with my teacher after all these years and, it's

speaker-1: Is it Suzanne or the person in England?

speaker-0: As person in England, yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah.

speaker-1: I think I heard you say that you envision a potential society in which this kind of ability is normal and commonplace. You know, it's... You who said that?

speaker-0: think at some point, it's very possible that we move into communication, that's our natural communication, which is soul communication. I think when that happens, there's going be a whole shift because there's no secrets, all is known, there's no judgment because you know from the other person's point of view, there's absolutely no judgment, there's just love. So when that happens though, the game is up because there's so many misunderstandings through just these words that we say. so there's a lot of misunderstandings and hurtful, but when you feel someone and you communicate with somebody on a soul-to-soul experience, it's like there's only love. Yeah.

speaker-1: Some people say that ⁓ perhaps extraterrestrial civilizations or something are so evolved that they don't need to make audible sounds to communicate. It's just a whole telepathic civilization.

speaker-0: Yeah, yeah, there are many like that, or it's just, that's how they operate.

speaker-1: ⁓ do know that? I'm interested. know. I you said that with confidence.

speaker-0: I don't know how I know that. I just, know inside. My mom and dad once told me, I don't remember this. They brought me home from the hospital and my dad won't talk about it anymore. My mom will, but they brought me home from the hospital. I don't know at what point that was. But the biggest issue, they put me in a drawer. They opened the drawer and I made a little bed in the drawer in my grandmother's house in the back room.

speaker-1: Yeah.

speaker-0: But they had just come from the hospital and this extraterrestrial ship came above the house and lit up the whole room above the apricot tree. the whole room was just light. all they remember is looking at it and then it just went and it was gone. Very cool. Who knows what happened in that interim? I don't know, but there's no memories from them on that. ⁓

speaker-1: Just... So you're one of them.

speaker-0: I don't know who I am. I just know

speaker-1: E.T. from home.

speaker-0: You know, they probably closed my sutures down so much that I couldn't expand into that consciousness. ⁓ Who knows, maybe they locked me down more, but I don't know.

speaker-1: That's cool. I love that stuff. mean, you know, everybody loves a great Steven Spielberg movie or something. but I, you know, given the size of the universe, the number of stars in each galaxy, the fact that there's a, there are planets around every star pretty much, and there are trillions of galaxies, each of which have a hundred billion stars. I just think that there are countless trillions of intelligent civilizations scattered throughout the universe.

speaker-0: And even here on Earth, we have microcosms and macrocosms, know, think worlds within worlds, just on this planet that we haven't even discovered. Why would it be any different than the universe?

speaker-1: Yeah, all the subtle dimensions that are here on Earth.

speaker-0: Yeah, yeah, the body. I I write that one chapter in the book about how the body, I see the connective tissue, because I've worked with connective tissue so long, is that layers within layers. And I use this sea sponge as kind of a model, you know, and the nerves, the blood vessels, you know, the bones would be within this matrix. But this matrix, look how detailed it is. We took everything out of a human body. We'd have a three-dimensional form. We'd also have memory, you know, because down to a cellular, the cytoskeleton, we'd have, you know, this connective tissue. And this connective tissue has a resonance ⁓ like a crystal, so does cerebral spinal fluid. this, I think possibly this is the interface between our higher aspect of our soul to the physical vibration. comes through the connective tissue network and the cellular network to mitochondria. it's all, I see them as spinning vortexes of light. When I go for and up, for and up, it's all energy, it's all vibration. Wow.

speaker-1: Yeah, that's inspiring. It gives me goosebumps to contemplate this stuff. Yeah. So a few minutes ago when I was asking you about how many of these do you do a day, you said, okay, I do two medium things and then I also do a, what is it? Healing. A healing thing and another thing. What are those things? Mentoring, training people to do what?

speaker-0: Mentoring Mentoring is whatever people want to talk about. Some people want to talk about what's going on in their life, it's kind of like a counseling, spiritual counseling. could be IADC, which is taking people who are in deep grief and softening them through that process. Yeah, there's lots of reasons why people just want to talk about what's going on in their life. Some people try to make a medium succession. to tell them about their life. That's not what mediumship is for. Mediumship is to make connection. It's not meant to answer questions. People in spirit aren't going to tell you how to live your life. That's our choice and what we choose.

speaker-1: And then the healing thing, do people call you up who have cancer, this or that, and you do a remote healing on them?

speaker-0: Yeah, I do remote healing and that remote healing started down. If you want to hear that story for you.

speaker-1: Yeah, tell us some stories about that. We have a little time.

speaker-0: So the remote healing, realized when I was doing an advanced training in rolfing, my teacher at the time, he was having wrist problems and he was one of the top people on the field and he was going to have to retire because his wrists were in such bad shape and he said, you know, can you come over and work on me after class? And that was an honor itself to be asked. So I went to work on him while I was there. And the last day when I was getting ready to fly out, he said, hey, can you work on me some more before you leave? And I said, I can't, because my flight's in just shortly, so I have to leave. And it just went in my head, how about we meet in the field and I work with you there? And so that's how it started. And he would lay on his table, I would lay on my table ⁓ and just go into a deep meditation. And I actually started working from the inside out. just like I would work layer by layer of the connective tissue. So I'd work his wrists from the inside out and by being inside, which was really interesting. But what happened was about three months into this, all of a in the middle of the night, I woke up and I started working on him. And I thought to myself, what are you doing? You don't have an appointment with him in the middle of the night, go back to sleep, you know? And so I back to sleep and I a humongous, terrible, worst of the worst nightmare. I felt like I was strapped to a table and I was choking to death and I couldn't breathe. it was just horrible. I woke up shaking, trembling, and then I realized it wasn't me, it was Emmett. And so I decided to go back in the dream and tell him he was going to be okay. leave him alone. Well, when I went back in, he was surrounded by angels. He was just a young boy and he was getting his tonsils taken out and he wasn't under all the way and they cut his throat. So he was choking on his own blood and they were holding him down by his wrists. He was 70 some years by the time we were doing this session. Anyways, I didn't tell him for a few weeks and then after I told him and I had everything down and he said, that absolutely happened. think he said he was 12 or some young age and he said ⁓ they were holding me down and I about died. And he never had wrist pain after that, which I thought...

speaker-1: Interesting. So his wrist pain was actually the trauma of that experience when he was 12.

speaker-0: There was memory there. Our bodies coupled onto memory. And so I realized that remote healing is possible and I started doing more of it.

speaker-1: Yeah, somehow by you having that whole experience of what he had gone through 60 something years before, it helped to resolve the trauma for him.

speaker-0: Yeah. Interesting. I realized that that's possible. Remote healing is possible, that there really is no distance. ⁓ And we can sink into that. And I've had amazing things happen for people. So I teach them what was given to me and how I healed my own neck. I was told I'd be a quadriplegic and never walk again if I was bumped one more time. And by the time I went back for surgery, They did another MRI and it was completely healed. And so

speaker-1: If you wanted to, do you think you could do a keto now and you would be safe? Or do think you'd still be vulnerable?

speaker-0: I think I could do Aikido now as far as MRI. mean, asked him, so I can do Aikido and he said yes. So, he said he'd never seen this heal. So he was quite surprised and 30 some years of neurosurgery, he's never seen it heal like this. This is not unique. There's many people that have healed themselves of, know, ⁓ you know, Joe Dispenza, know, lots of people who've done this and I think we can all do this.

speaker-1: Interesting.

speaker-0: And so I teach people a practice that I did.

speaker-1: Do you have any clear sort of dreamlike or visual things where you undergo the experience of the person you're healing in order to help neutralize or resolve it? Yeah. Is that typical?

speaker-0: ⁓ Yeah, I often when I'm leading people through the meditation or the healing I'm experiencing many things as I'm going through their body with them and basically my my orientation around healing ⁓ of any kind is that all we do is create conditions for healing to happen all healing is self-healing whether it be a surgery whether it be a medicine whoever you're going to Ultimately, the healing is coming from the inside out. So we set up the conditions for healing to happen. ⁓ so I take no credit for it except getting out of the way, same with mediumship. It's creating conditions. And it was interesting in Rolfing where people would come in and do a beautiful session. And you see the shift. They stand up in their hall, balance to be different. And I watched them walk down the steps and. they would just kind of slowly kind of unwind and they fall apart again. And so as we went through the session, people would be able to hang on to it longer. ⁓ But it's very interesting. What I feel is happening ultimately, even in structural body work, is it's an informational exchange and the same with healing. Medically, it's an informational exchange. Whether the person can ⁓ integrate that into their field and into their ⁓ knowing, internal knowing is another thing. feel it when you're around people, like beautiful teachers, you can feel the vibration and there's information in that vibrational frequency. Sometimes people have awakenings just by being present with somebody and it's because there's information in the field and you start to vibrate.

speaker-1: So

speaker-0: But not everybody can hang on to it.

speaker-1: Yes, I imagine the more you prepare the ground by just ⁓ building a foundation of purity or clarity or whatever in your own life through various means, spiritual practices and so on, the more you'll be able to retain the benefit from the kind of thing you're offering.

speaker-0: Yeah, yeah. That's why before the actually healing, I talk about different things in a person's life they can do, food, exercise, know, just all the basics, sleep. Yeah.

speaker-1: Thanks. A couple more questions came in. So this is one from Julian Hall in Newmarket, Ontario. Regarding the ETs that were present in your childhood, do you feel they were actually from another world or do you feel they are local, so to speak? ⁓ I think by that he might mean like subtle beings who dwell on earth as opposed to coming from another place. Any other context stories you can share?

speaker-0: No, I don't have any other contact stories that I'm aware of. And I really don't know. I wish I could answer that, but I don't know where these beings were from. And I have to think as maybe there is no out there world. There's just, there are just this life, you know, there's just layers and layers like connective tissue. Maybe it's just one world, one universe, one. multiverse, different layers. really, I really don't know how to answer that.

speaker-1: think there's probably both. Have you ever heard of Indra's net?

speaker-0: Yes, yes, I Long time ago I haven't.

speaker-1: Yeah, it's the idea that everything is infinitely correlated and then there's this thing in physics called ⁓ quantum entanglement. so something can happen to a particle over here and on the other side of the universe its twin particle instantly reacts so it's not limited by the speed of light or anything. So at some level everything is infinitely interconnected and correlated.

speaker-0: Kind like when I look at the human body, like if I stub my toe, I'm going to feel it through my whole body. You the whole universe feels it, you know? And so, and so it's instant. I feel that. But it happened in my toe, but how come I felt it through my whole body? It's because it's all connected.

speaker-1: And then on the other hand, there are galaxies that are far, far away. But by virtue of the fact that everything is most very fundamentally interconnected, they do have, they might have the technologies to come here in an instant and not have to wait two million years of travel at the speed of light, which you can't reach anyway, to get here.

speaker-0: Yeah. You know, our perception, we see things as distance and time. Right. It might not even exist as just a point of view.

speaker-1: Yeah. You know that if you could ride on a photon, that you would be here instantly from anywhere in the universe. Because photons actually, there's no time for them. They just go bink to where they're going.

speaker-0: Yeah, and that's what it's like when you're in the near-death experience. was like, as soon as you think you're there, you your awareness, as soon as I thought about being with Jesus, it was like, He was right there. So it's instant. So I step back from imposing time or distance into the universe. really don't know. Maybe that's just a projection.

speaker-1: us. In general, would you agree that the more manifest things become or appear to become, the more constrained they are by time and space. the more deep you go or fundamental you go, the less constrained and the more these miraculous things can happen.

speaker-0: Yes, I would say that's my experience for sure.

speaker-1: And even from a scientific perspective, they say things like that, that, you know, it's kind of a field of all possibilities down there, but once it gets manifest, then it's only this or that. Yeah.

speaker-0: Yes, yes, yes.

speaker-1: Okay, another question came in. This one from Martin Klein in Germany. Do you think we have free will other than having the choice between fear and love or awake and asleep?

speaker-0: This is how I answer this question. To the extent we're conscious, we're free. To the extent we're not conscious and awake, then we're not free. We're not making free choices. We're acting from the program and the conditioning of generations. So to the extent that we're awake, we're free and making free choices.

speaker-1: That's a great answer. Yeah, I love that answer.

speaker-0: Taking me a time to come to that, but that's as simple as the way I can respond to that question, which is a

speaker-1: Good question. Forgive them, Father, they know not what they do. Why? Because they were not very awake and they were just acting blindly.

speaker-0: Yeah, out of the conditioning, out of the fear.

speaker-1: Okay, well we don't necessarily want to end on conditioning and fear, but you made a good point and is there anything you want to say in closing?

speaker-0: Well, if comes to, if we tap into that fear, don't be afraid because anything is possible right now. We are beings of love and light. Ultimately, there is nothing that can touch us. So when fears arise, just sink into that aspect. It knows that you are love itself. And it truly is what you've always sought is within you. And I learned that and still learning that, that it's not from the outside. It's from the inside out that love is born. And so just keep letting that arise within you. And I just want to thank you, Rip, for this opportunity.

speaker-1: ⁓ thank you. It's been wonderful spending a couple hours with you and just getting to know you better through your book and your other interviews in preparation for this. It's like, wow, what a wonderful life this person's living. I'm very honored to ⁓ cross paths with you.

speaker-0: Thank you. Thank you for the honor. It's been amazing.

speaker-1: All right, so thanks to those who've been listening or watching. It's always a pleasure to have you in on the live interview and submitting questions. And if you'd like to be notified of the live ones, you can actually sign up on the YouTube channel to be notified by YouTube. Or you could go to our upcoming interviews page on backgap.com where you'll see them scheduled and you can make a note to yourself to tune in on the live one. My next interview will be with Julia Mossbridge, who is a very interesting woman that I saw speak at the Science and Nonduality Conference several times. Very brilliant scientist who's working on the subject of love. So that'll be the next one. So thanks, Tammy. And of course, I'll be linking to your website so people can get in touch and check out all these things you have to offer.

speaker-0: I ⁓ Thank you.

speaker-1: So thanks everybody.