Forward Carers: Hello and welcome to Care Friendly Conversations, the brand new podcast dedicated to shining a light on the realities of unpaid caring. This episode we're talking about care support, and in particular the Reset Programme, programme based in the West Midlands, which combines physical and mental wellbeing to support unpaid carers. First of all, we'll be chatting to Jen, who is a carer and a counsellor, and she was on the reset program. and has some really inspiring stories about how it changed her. A really transformational programme for her. It's incredible to hear about how she's been able to reconnect with joys of her life. So look forward to that. And a little bit later on, we've got Alex Broadbent from the Reset program. He talks a little bit about the idea behind the sport, how it originated and some of his feelings about the value behind that. Course, Reset is based in the West Midlands, but a lot of the things you hear from both Alex and particularly Jen can be really inspiring for accessing support across the UK. It is a jam-packed episode, so sit back, relax, and first of all, enjoy my chat with Jen. Hi Jen, how's it going? Hi, great. Thanks, Alex. Thank you so much for joining us in another sort of mini UK heat wave. Just for the benefit of listeners who who haven't had the chance to speak to you or or meet you yet. Do you want to just tell us a little bit about yourself? So I'm Jen. I'm a counsellor based in the West Midlands. I've spent many years supporting others emotionally, both professionally and in my personal life. caring has been a big part of who I am for a long time and I've always felt a strong sense of responsibility towards others. before accessing the support, my caring responsibilities had ⁓ quite a deep impact on me. Emotionally I felt drained and overwhelmed. I was physically tired a lot of the time. And I wasn't prioritizing my own health or well being, which affected my confidence. and I think I lost sight of who I was outside of being a carer. 'cause my focus was always on others. And I didn't really see my own strengths or value. Can be really difficult to tell in the moment. And actually, when you take a step back and and you realise a little bit that this is impacting me and this is impacting my life, was there a breaking point where you thought, now I need to go and get some support, or was it quite a a steady thing? I had reached a point where I realised something needed to change and I couldn't continue feeling the way that I was. and I knew I needed support for myself. It wasn't like ⁓ one big moment, you know, it was more of a kind of gradual awareness that I mattered too and I deserved some space to focus on my own life and my own well being. And was that something which came quite naturally to you to be able to to switch that focus to yourself? It was like putting my shoes on the wrong feet. Mm-hmm. It was so uncomfortable. Yeah. But ⁓ I just kept doing it. And you ended up ⁓ reaching out to the Reset programme. ⁓ and this is a programme which is is run in Birmingham. Do you wanna tell me a little bit about that? Yeah, so I didn't know anything about reset and I was kind of doom scrolling, I guess, looking for some kind of support. And I came across Reset on Eventbrite. And I thought, ⁓ that sounds absolutely perfect. So yeah, that's where it all started for me. Yeah, fabulous. And what sort of ⁓ programme is Resets? the Reset program is a supportive space for carers to reconnect with themselves. ⁓ it offers practical tools, emotional support, and a chance to step back and reflect on your role and your own needs. It's not just about caring better for others. It's about caring for yourself too. And I think that was probably Really big lesson. And did it take some time on that program to sort of get to that point of of focusing on yourself a little bit? Yeah, it wasn't like it happened straight away. like it took a little bit of time. but you know, because the support felt safe and encouraging. It made it easier to kind of step into that gradually. Yeah, I think it's a big thing having that space where actually you feel safe and able to grow. Were you with other carers during programme? Was that something you found quite supportive, being able to share that space with people? Yeah, connecting with other carers was really valuable, you know, ⁓ it helped me realise I wasn't alone and that others were experiencing similar challenges. you know, there was a sense of understanding and shared experience that made a big difference. Hundred percent. And and is that something which you've sort of taken through in in the rest of your life? Have you stayed in touch with any of those people you you met on course? Yeah, so we're in a group WhatsApp chat and I do try to keep up with the chat as much as I can. But I've noticed that the others ⁓ they seem to live in a closer proximity to, you know, from where I am. And also, ⁓ I've got really busy with my work. So I don't always have that kind of capacity to connect with them as much. However, I do still connect with them. Yeah. Yeah. And is it is that something quite powerful, even just knowing that they're there. even if you don't spend, you know, like loads of time together, just having that sense that, ⁓ there are people to support me if if things ⁓ things get worse, if I need that emotional support. Yeah, for sure. ⁓ we're all still in the WhatsApp group and ⁓ I feel if I needed to reach out or speak to any of them, you know, that support would be there. Absolutely brilliant. Yeah, thank you so much for sharing. In terms of of that support you got, I'm quite interested to sort of look back to to the confidence you say at the start. Do you feel much more confident in your caring role, but but also maybe your wider life as a result of it? Yeah. Yeah. So one of the biggest things I've taken from Reset is learning to value myself and recognise that I have strengths beyond being a carer. I've learned to let go of caring in my personal life. and, you know, I I held on to it for for many years, but through breath work, movement and being treated like I matter, you know, it's shifted my mindset. my business has really taken off because I've kind of ⁓ had you know more capacity I've allowed myself to do the things that I want to do to put myself first. I go away for weekends now and you know the one thing that has really inspired me out of all of this is my journey with the gym. I've gone from never imagining that I would step into a gym To now lifting weights I never thought possible. It showed me that I can completely change, like you know, it showed me that okay, if we change how we see ourselves, we can change how we see others. And that's how it's been for me in my caring role. because you know. those uncomfortable shoes that were on the wrong feet are so comfortable. Now I I love taking care of myself. I love going to the gym and it's not just about physical strength. It's about believing in myself when I didn't at first. Yeah, absolutely fantastic. And it's so inspiring. And I I love hearing as well about you talking about change and feeling you're able to change. Is that something which over the years you felt as though you'd lost that sense of of being able to change yourself? Yeah, because ⁓ I've always kind of taken on that role to you know, support others. That's something that's kind of deep rooted and even when I came on Teresa and Alex introduced me to to the gym very gently and said, ⁓ just for the last few sessions we're gonna go to the gym. ⁓ you know, it's nothing to ⁓ worry about, it's nothing strenuous and and I thought okay, this sounds like cool. you know, no pressure at all. So and went there and ⁓ Alex saw something in me that I thought, ⁓ he's just saying that to kind of make me feel better about myself. and he said that I was really good at the deadlift and ⁓ and I thought No, he's joking, you know, and ⁓ so I tried it again and again and again and I really started to enjoy it. and yeah, I couldn't imagine my life without it now. ⁓ I said Alex gave me my life back, but you know, in the grand scheme of things, it was my choice to accept that help. And I'm so glad that I did. Yeah, definitely. And it and it takes so much courage to To accept that help actually, because it's such a long period of time where you get used to the the conditions you're in, you get used to feeling uncomfortable yourself. So it takes a lot of courage to take that first step and as you say, to accept that help. So it's a two way street. ⁓ Mrs. Alex Broadbent, who ⁓ I've spoken to in his energy is is fantastic. So was he someone who was really powerful in in shifting that perspective towards yourself. Absolutely. And you know, Alex has got a heart the size of a dustbin lid. He really has. He is such a genuine, authentic, caring person. Alex is ⁓ a massive part of my journey and I can't thank him enough. He still takes an interest now in how my journey is going with my weightlifting and encourages me and offers advice. ⁓ which is superb. And it's so powerful to have someone in your life like that. Not as a sort of guardian angel, but more in the a reminder actually of of how good you can be and how the confidence you can take in yourself and sometimes it takes having someone in your life to to just remind you of that. ⁓ and am I correct in thinking he even managed to get you into a cold plunge in the end, which is impressive. Yeah. He did so much that I thought, wow, that was amazing. And I booked myself into a treat the following weekends and done it again. ⁓ and now I turned the cold water on at the end of my shower. So yeah, that that also continued in its own little way. And when I took myself away for the weekends, you know, I swam in the sea, which is something I do anyway. I can't resist. But it was just how much I wanted to do that. How much I, you know, I I love nature. Absolutely love nature. So, you know, things have changed in many areas of my life. I walk around my garden barefooted in the morning. I've been on a retreat since being with Reset, which was only about three months ago. And I've been away for the solstice weekend. I've been on a speed boat. going on a boat is not something I thought I would ever do. Especially, you know, I didn't know it was going to be a speed boat, but I thought it was just going to be a little boat. ⁓ when I booked it 'cause I booked it on the app and So so that but that was I loved absolutely loved it. so I've overcome that now and I'm planning to go on a jet squ jet ski this coming weekend. boats are getting faster and faster. Yeah. ⁓ self-care is really my sweet spot now. You know? And I climbed what they call the solstice, ⁓ mountain but it's not really a mountain, it's a it's a big hill. But it goes up in a spiral and you know, it's high up and I could see out into the ocean and ⁓ and that's something else I've overcome and you know I'm feeling a little bit like a thrill seeker. I'm really enjoying doing the things that I'm doing and I'd injured my back a few weeks ago and this was something I was thinking about and I couldn't train and I realised how important exercise had become to me. ⁓ I felt genuinely sad at the thought of losing it. But I worked through it, recovered and got back to it. you know, the feeling of growing, pushing through doubt and discovering what you're capable of. That is something I carry with me now. in all areas of my life. And I'm in my fifties now and I've never done the things that I'm doing now. So the power of reset is phenomenal. And it's such a brilliant reminder for for carers that caring isn't isn't the end of your life. And we have to be honest about the ⁓ difficulty when you can't see an end point. A lot of the carers feel very isolated, we feel very stuck. ⁓ and actually what your experience on research shows is that you are able to reconnect with the things you love and and that's such a powerful thing. Do you talk a little bit about your business and and how well that's doing as a as a sort of result of being able to focus on yourself. Do you want to expand on that a little bit more? Why why it's you feel as though that's happened? My business is booming. I'm doing group therapy, one-to-one therapy. online and I've got really busy. I do have some ideas of where my life's going to be moving. I have some thoughts around it and yeah, those thoughts and ideas are growing. so I'm just gonna say, watch this space. ⁓ brilliant. And it it's so powerful to see see you growing yourself and I can see visibly how sort of confident you feel and how passionate about the future you feel, which which is something which real credit to the reset program, but also to yourself to being able to take that support and and really make the most of it to be able to to grow yourself and and focus on on what really matters in life. For other carers who might be in a similar position to you now, they might be in a similar position to you three months ago. What would you say to them about accessing support? So my advice would be Don't wait until you feel completely overwhelmed. You matter just as much as the person you're caring for. And and reaching out for support can feel like a big step, but it can truly change your w life in ways that you don't expect. Fantastic, yeah. It's such a such a powerful thing for for carriers across the UK. ⁓ to hear I think it I'll pick up again on on you said don't wait for crisis. I think that's such a big thing. It can help yourself how you're feeling, physically, whatever it is. Doesn't have to reach that crisis point. So go and speak to people early. Go and find that support as early as possible. Don't wait for it to build up. ⁓ and it can be tricky, be really tricky to but I think that's such a powerful thing. So so thank you for sharing. Very welcome. It's now time for Inspiration Corner, the segment of a show where we get our guests to share something which motivates them. It could be something to do with their caring role, or it might be unrelated. Something which they find inspiring and helps them through every day. Let's hear what Jen had to say. What has inspired me is my own journey with the gym. You know, I went from imagining I would never step into a gym and to now lifting weights I never thought possible. ⁓ yeah, just just that feeling of the the growing and pushing through you know, any doubt and just discovering what you're capable of, each and every one of us. We can act our way into a new way of thinking. But we can't think our way into a new way of acting. And that's what I'd been doing for a long time. It's so powerful. Thank you so much, Jen. ⁓ and it has been an absolute pleasure talking to you. ⁓ you clearly so inspired by your experience and it the way you've reconnected with with your passions in life and reconnected with yourself. It's just an absolute joy to you. So thank you so much for joining, Jen. Thank you, Alex. It's been a pleasure. Well, we've heard a lot about him and now we're joined by him. Alex Broadbent, thank you so much for coming along. How are you? Hi, Alex. Yeah, I'm good. Thanks, Buddha. Sounds weird. Talking to another Alex, calling somebody else Alex. There's a bit of competitive energy here. I can sense it. Nah, that lo that left me long ago on my competitive side, mate. You can win you can win now. I'm happy for that. I can feed already early doors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. ⁓ brilliant. So got You to come on. Tell us a little bit about the Reset Programme. So what is the main idea behind the Reset Program? ⁓ I'll try and keep it as short as I can. I won't give you like the company history, but the programme itself actually sta it's an acronym, actually, Alex, and it's sta it's the longest maybe therapy name ever. But it's ⁓ reprocessing emotions through somatic and environment therapy. So The whole idea of it is ⁓ we don't believe as a as a company and the people who work in the organisation that talking therapy alone is enough to to achieve like sustainable change. the the deep type of everlasting change that we want to be a part of. So what we have devised between us over several years now, it it started off as a concept and it's evolved as we've worked with more people, is that We we blend basically talking therapy. It's still important talking therapy, that's that's for certain. And it's still got its place. ⁓ but with a lot of somatic interventions. But so by that I mean like body movement practices, which I'm sure we're gonna get onto a bit later. Yeah, fabulous. I'm really interested as well in Matt's sort of idea of everlasting change and actually focusing on what's gonna have that long term help to care as I know Jen, especially her journey with the gym was really powerful. ⁓ is that sort of link between physical and mental well being? Is is that something which you put quite a lot of emphasis on? Yeah, I mean we can't because we've been doing it for a a long time now. We were like quite mental health is talked about a lot. We were kind of there like right at the start, maybe a little bit before that. And I think one of the things we don't like so much is it seems to be like people talk about the two things as separate, like physical well being and mental well being. Really we should just talk about health and well being as a as a whole entity. You know, we know that say for instance a physical ⁓ illness, like a long term physical illness, could or can affect people's mental health. It can increase the risk of ⁓ anxiety and depression, for instance. And and vi there's loads of examples of this, but vice versa, obviously having much stress can affect blood pressure and things like that. But we really want to encourage people to think about the whole of their health and well being rather than just concentrating on one one part of it. Yeah, fantastic, a really sort of holistic approach to it. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And you could definitely tell when we were speaking to Jen, but that really shone through and and one of the things with ⁓ improving her physical health and and that link with mental well being was actually how good she felt in herself and the confident she felt in herself. And she spoke a lot about being able to finally shift some perspective towards her. Is that some See quite a lot with with unpaid carers y you might work with and and other participants you might work with? Yeah, that's a really common theme, Alex that you so a lot of carers, if not all, I maybe even be able to say all to be honest with you, we've worked with over a hundred now. Put by by the nature of by the nature of their ⁓ of what they're doing, they put themselves second or third or or last. You know, there's a whole when we speak to them, there's a whole raft of people that come before them frequently. So, ⁓ yeah, that that's def that's a definite thing for us. And then we encourage them. consciousness of I think kind of when they're doing the program, it kind of happens. S like something shifts for them in it. ⁓ but we we we we encourage them to be quite selfish with the time on the programme and just like you've carved out this time for yourself, you've turned up here. Probably hasn't been the easiest thing to get someone to look after maybe the person you're caring for or travel here or or whatever. So let's make the most of it and let's be quite selfish with your time here and and and don't feel bad about that 'cause we do find a lot I feel quite awkward when we say that first and ⁓ no, I don't deserve it or I this yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I mean it can become so ingrained in your your attitude kinda as an unpaid carer to to put yourself as you say, second, third, fourth, whatever it is, that it can take a little bit of time to shift out of that. You can start to see the difference in people. Like when they turn up 'cause I 'cause I only see them once a week while they're on the programme, the for people who don't know the programmes for ten weeks. So some of them as things start shifting for them and a weight comes off, ⁓ and by that I mean, you know, ⁓ in an emotional weight I'm talking about there, they they just start to look different. Maybe their eyes are a bit brighter, they just, you know, they're s probably sleeping better, maybe their digestion's better, and they just start to look a bit more ⁓ like themselves if I if I can say that. ⁓ you know, we say to we say to these these men and women in the in the program, it's okay to be selfish with your own well being, because if you're looking after somebody, if you're not in the best possible place yourself, you can't look after that person to the best of your abilities either. ⁓ so that's a really nice reason to put yourself first and not feel guilty about it, because actually it's gonna make you a better a better carer. One hundred percent. And it it's so brilliant when you see people who who've gone through journeys like this and as you say, that sort of brightness comes back and you feel like you're reclaiming the joy from life. So I think like their their identity becomes a carer and it and we're like, that is something that you do, but that that's ⁓ maybe not your purpose. We know that a lot of people slip into caring, don't we? You know it you know better than than I do. But they take on you know, w who are you? You know, what are you I'm a carer straight away. Yeah, but what else do you are you doing? You know? And and we find that a lot of them have lost a lot of the things that they they love to do. and caring is their identity. Yeah. D does that mean you you face quite a lot of resistance early on? Is that something which you have to work through? I don't know over egg that, Alex. I wouldn't say we have a lot of resistance. We have some people saying, ⁓ I'm not too sure how I can how I can do that. They they question whether they can do it. You know, or I've been a carer for the last X amount of years, and I've never even thought about that. So I'm not too sure how it can it's been hard enough to get these free hours for ten weeks. How the hell am I supposed to do it over along the rest of my life? ⁓ but like I said, as we do the work, ⁓ and we and we take them through it. There's these like really subtle small shifts where things just start changing for them. ⁓ sometimes we can't as as practitioners, we can't actually put our finger on what we've said or done. And I I think a lot of it is not just for us, it's from being in the group with other carers as well. And the whole the whole thing just comes together for them. It's really good to to see, to be honest. Totally. And I and I love that ⁓ idea of the group growing. And and you work with quite small groups, am I right in thinking? Yeah. Is that some quite rewarding seeing that group? Yeah, and the groups are always good fun. ⁓ 'cause we're you know, we're in Birmingham, we get a very diverse range of people across those groups. So all ethnicities, you know, genders, age, the age rate range can be quite quite big in those groups. so it's really nice to get everyone together 'cause you get so many different perspectives as well. Obviously they've all got care in it in common. But some of them are just like you know, they haven't got anything else in common, really. And it's just interesting to watch how everyone binds together over time. And you know, as I'm sure you've done group work before, the people you never put together sometimes at the start they end up being absolute best pals by the end of it. It's it's really interesting to to see how that works. And is there is there quite a difference in the unique experiences of each carer? I'd say when when people first start the like we usually start with a round about maybe fifteen people in a group, somewhere twelve to fifteen people. When you get that many people in a group for the first week, it's like usually quite a shy environment in that first in that first week. We set the tone in the first couple of weeks of the program to try and bring the group together so we don't ask any ⁓ probing questions, I'd say. But obviously, further down the line, they're gonna start opening up to each other by the nature of the programme. So there's that definitely that cautious start to it. Some people lean into it a bit faster than others, that's that's fine. We're we're all different. but eventually I'd say that everybody comes out of their shell ⁓ by the end of the the ten weeks it's a it's a much different environment. I'd say common themes and common outcomes are by the end of it they feel more comfortable putting themselves first. They they say they think that's okay on the whole and they don't seem to have any negative views on on the on themselves doing that. ⁓ a lot of them actually start realising they're capable of a lot more than they thought and that can be whatever age they come onto the programme at. You know, when we I'm not too sure I can do this, you know, my health's ⁓ eck because I don't think I can have a go at this. Well let's just see what we can do and then that tends to happen. I'd say quite a few of them, not all of them, are surprised at how much actual what they're holding inside their body. Probably emotionally is the right word to say that. they've come on the programme for a reason. ⁓ it's quite clear what the program is there for in the marketing. But I think some people don't think that they are carrying as much as as as they are. So they've got a lot of stuff built up in them probably af over years and years and it and and it comes out and particularly in the somatic work that we do. They're amazed, they make can make the time for it. I think when they first come to say like three, you know, thirty hours of the time over the next ten ten weeks. They they really doubt that they can do that. But actually when they start, they seem to make the time. And people help them out as well. You know, they they get help. obviously an amazing place like, you know, forward carers. We signpost them to other places that can help them out. they find friends and family that can all that can help them out. It it's really good for them because they realise that actually there's a big support network there with them. And it and it's not it's not just them by themselves. A lot of them feel like that, that it is it is a they're by themselves in their caring role, it's like it's quite isolating and and a lonely place to be. I mean, if they complete the programme, if they do the whole ten weeks or the vast majority of the ten weeks, obviously carers, by the nature of it, sometimes things happen and they have to miss a week. I'd say if they complete the program, then the vast majority of people will feel some of those things that we've just spoke about. Yeah, I'm confident of that. Yeah, definitely. And and I think you made a a little point about it at the start that starting it is the hardest thing. You know, just it's really complimentary about all the people on on reset, including yourself. ⁓ but she's also aware that a lot of it has come from her and and her ability to actually give herself that time. But having someone to to tell you that is okay, that you deserve this, that can be really powerful, can't it? Yeah, it it it definitely can. And I think people are just inherently good, aren't they? People are We hear a lot of negative stuff in the press, but you know what, I I don't see that in these groups. So if we have people who maybe don't have their own car or they have to rely on public transport to get there, so often there'll be someone in there who drives who will go and pick them up before the session and take them back. I mean, that happens all once they start talking and they realise where people live, that happens all the time and they start coming together, you know. But I do believe that people are inherently good and and want to help each other out. I love that, Matt. So affirming, isn't it? And it and it must be so rewarding for you to see that and and see the good work. But fantastic work from you as well. And you're clearly making a real difference to carers across Birmingham. ⁓ and there'll be carers across the UK which can can learn from this and find sport around them. ⁓ whether it's support like reset program or whether it's slightly different, just reaching out and finding that sport is so powerful. So so thank you for sharing that. and thank you so much for joining us. It's been an absolute pleasure. I don't think you'll get me in a a cold plunge anytime soon, but you certainly convinced me of We didn't we didn't talk about the cold, did we? You ⁓ you managed to skirt around that professionally. ⁓ and are there any dates coming up for the reset programme which people in Birmingham might look out for? Y y yes. So the the next programme will start programmes. There's two of them. So there's the reset programme and there's the bean programme. They're going start the last week in September or the first week in October. So we do that just to get the summer holidays out the way, because obviously a lot of people's ⁓ calendars change through that with school kids, et cetera, and and so forth. But then we if we start around then we get to finish just before Christmas as well. So we don't have that period, yeah, over there where people might forget everything we've told them. Come back in January. So what did we do before before Christmas? So yeah, I'm I'm I'm I'm gonna send out the I'm just waiting to confirm the dates with the venue once I have end of September, start of October next programme. Absolute fabulous. Well, Alex, thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for having me. It's been really good.