Nicole: Hello and welcome back to another episode on Heal Out Loud. And today I want to talk about something that literally every woman that's listening today has been through. That feeling where you can't stop thinking about him, you're checking your phone constantly to see whether he messaged, you're rereading his texts, analyzing everything he said, everything you said, and you feel like you're going out of your mind. And I know how painful and frustrating this is. I've been there and I remember it so clearly. And what I am going to share with you today is how I managed to stop obsessing over someone that I really liked. And it's not just about s how to stop obsessing, it's also about how to take your power back. Because the obsession is not about him, it's about something way, way deeper. It's not because he's the one, it's not because he's out of this world. It's not because he's amazing. No, it's because of something deep inside you. And everything is going to change once you understand this and once you have the tools. To use to take all of your power back. So I want you to do something now in this moment. And I want you to close your eyes. If you're driving, don't close your eyes. But I want you to close your eyes and ask yourself, when was it the first time that I felt this way? That I felt that I needed someone from outside of me to feel worthy, to feel good about myself. Ask yourself that question. And when you have your answer, maybe now, maybe later on, maybe you can pause this. I want you to sit with that. Do not push it away. And when the image comes, and it will come, so give it some time if need be, go to your younger self. Because all that's happening right now is not about this man, I promise you. In fact, you've obsessed over other men in the past. So it's not about this being the one. It's about a wound, a wound that says I need someone from outside of me to make me feel worthy, to make me feel like I am enough. So I want you to go to your younger self and I want you to let her know I am here now. You're not alone. I'm with you and you're more than enough. Because here's what I learned the hard way. If you're constantly waiting for external validation or waiting for someone from outside of you to feel that you matter, to feel that you're enough, to feel that you are worthy, you are signing yourself up for a really toxic emotional roller coaster. And I know how it feels, how it feels like to get the attention from him and you feel like you're on top of the world. And then maybe when he's busy or he's in a bad mood or he's quiet or he's withdrawing. and he's not speaking to you as much, then that's it. It's like your whole reality collapses. You're in a bad mood, you're sad, you don't feel like working, you don't feel like joking around with your friends, nothing. And that is not love. That is a wound wearing a love costume. And what happens is even if you do get the attention from him, even if you do manage to go out with him and start dating him, if he is going to be your only source of how you're going to fill your left hand and your power tank, when you're gonna start dating this person Whenever this person is not around or they can't be there for you the way you need them to, you're still going to feel really sad. So it's best that we catch this pattern now before you actually start dating this person. Because girl, you're so magnetic and desirable that most probably you will end up dating this person. However, we need to stop the obsession. And here's what I want you to remember. Think back of all the good things that happened in your life. All those good things happened in your life when you are at peace, when you are having fun, when you are focusing on yourself, not when you are crying in bed, constantly refreshing your phone, constantly checking, constantly monitoring, acting like a detective. When you're in that energy, you're not gonna receive what you truly want. So to receive what you truly want, you need to go back to a level of neutrality, a level of where you're taking care of yourself and you're filling up your own love tank and your own power tank. And I know it's not easy to get out of that vibe, to get out of the obsession loop. It's really hard, I know it. However, you need to remember that you are divinely protected. You are not brought on this planet to suffer. The universe created you for you to have a beautiful, loving life and to live and honor the universe through you. I need you to believe that what's meant for you is already on its way. The universe is taking care of you. It's already happening, and you do not need to chase it. Whatever you chase, you will push away. And I want you to remember that what is for you will never pass you by. So say it, what is for me will never pass me by. It's yours. It's already yours. You just need to live on a frequency that can attract it. And instead of obsessing over someone, you need to ask yourself, what is the spirit trying to teach me? Maybe it's patience to learn how to fill your own love tang and power tang and not rely on someone else because the last time you did that. You know how that ended and you know how bad you felt. So how do you take your power back? I want you to ask a question to yourself. What do I want from this person? Maybe you want love, you want to feel beautiful, you want to laugh with this person. What is it that you want from this person? And then ask yourself, and how can I give it to myself in this moment? And of course I know that it's on the same thing. I am living this with you and I am going through this with you. So if you want attention from someone And you're gonna give it to yourself. It is not the same thing, I know, but it's going to help you a real, real lot. Until eventually you will not need his attention to survive. And that's how you actually get the attention that you're craving. Ironic, isn't it? And when you ask yourself, what is it that I want from him and how can I give it to myself? Maybe it's to feel desirable. How can I make myself feel desirable now in the moment? When you're asking yourself these questions and you're acting on them, you're gonna take all of your power back. And when you're powerful, you can attract anything that you truly want into your life. So maybe for this period focus on your mental health, on your physical health, eat whole foods, sleep eight hours or how many hours you'd like. Go out, do your hobbies, make sure you have a clean space, a clean car, a clean phone, a clean calendar, start planning things you enjoy and stop saying yes to things that you don't like. Prepare that outfit for that event that you have coming up. Go on a retreat. Book a solo trip and stay in a hostel and that's how you will meet people. Clear out your makeup, clean out your wardrobe. Remove old things so new things can come into your life. Go get a tank, go swim, go move your body. Build the best physique you can. Read that love story you've been wanting to read. Create that Spotify playlist and go and start that passion that you always wanted but you always feared. Because a woman in her power is extremely powerful. And never stop living from the desirable, magnetic, beautiful, amazing woman that you are. You are magnetic, but you cannot be magnetic when you are in a state of desperation, when you are in a state of chasing, when you are making someone else the center of your whole world. Stop making yourself small, stop dimming your light just because others forgot to wear their sunglasses. You deserve the world, so act like it and you shall receive the world. I promise you, take all this energy that you're using to check whether he messaged you, to check whether he was active, to check whether he posted a story and Take all that energy and pour it back into yourself. And watch what happens. Watch how things shift when you stop chasing and you start becoming. So if this episode spoke to you, I want you to share it with one woman who needs to hear this today. And if you want to go deeper into this work, into inner child healing, into reclaiming your power, into becoming the woman you are always meant to be, you can contact me on Nicole at evolvingstar dot com or on my Instagram at evolving with Nicole. I will be very happy to go through this with you. Thank you for being here and I will see you again for the next one. And for this weekend, go and focus on you. Stop focusing on him. Stop putting him on a pedestal. He's not that special. Promise.