Nicole: Hello and welcome back to another episode on Heal Out Loud. And today I'm going to be talking about why she gets chased and you get ignored and the qualities that she carries and you don't. And it's definitely not what you think. I see this happening all the time with literally every single woman I work with. And there's this pattern, this thing where you're everything right. You're available, you're showing up, you're giving your energy, your time, your heart. And he still doesn't chase you. He still doesn't infest and he still doesn't care. But then you see her, the girl who barely responds, the girl who doesn't beg, the girl who doesn't chase him, and suddenly he's obsessed. And you're there lying awake at 3am thinking, what does she have better than I do? She's not even as pretty as I am, she doesn't even put in the effort as I do, she doesn't even dress as nicely as I do, and it's not about physical appearance. It has nothing to do with that. The reason why he's obsessed, why he pushed his bedtime, he's planning his week around her, and he's trying to prove himself is not what you think. And I know you're sitting there thinking, what does she have that I don't? And I am going to tell you exactly what she has. It's not about being cold and available or playing games. It's about 10 qualities that she embodies that you know. And once you understand what they are, you are going to understand why she gets chased and why you get ignored. So let's start with the first three qualities. Number one, she puts herself first always. This is not selfish, this is not mean, this is survival. She knows that if she abandons herself for a man, she becomes desperate, she becomes small, she ends up chasing, so she doesn't do it. She has her goals, she has her life, and the man either fits into that life or he doesn't. She's not restructuring her entire life for a man who's not even sure about her. Number two, she is not afraid of saying no. She says no to dates when she's not feeling it. She says no to last minute plans. She says no to being treated like an option. And because she says no freely, when she says yes, it has weight. Because most probably you are saying yes to everything. You are so afraid that if you say no, he will leave. But he will end up leaving anyway. Because he will never respect the yes that didn't cost anything. Number three, she is not afraid of being high maintenance. High maintenance means she has standards. She knows her worth and she just fully communicates it. She doesn't dim her knees and she doesn't pretend that she's cool with less. And high maintenance women do not chase. They do not have to. Because men know that if they want her, they have to fully show up. So what standards do you have? What hygiene standards do you have? What going out standards do you have? What relationship standards do you have? Or are you saying yes to everything that he wants? and you let go of your standards completely. Because if you're going to let go of your standards completely, then this person is not going to deem you as worthy and he will not chase you and he will not show up fully for you because when someone doesn't have standards, when someone doesn't seem worthy, people are not going to want that thing. Think of a Ferrari and think of a broken car. Is anyone going to want a broken car? Is anyone going to chase after a broken car? Obviously not. And I'm not saying that you are broken. but you need to stick to your standards. Then there are four other qualities she has and these are her power moves. So number four, she receives help from a man. It is a man's natural instinct that he wants to help a woman. And when you're everything on your own and when you don't want to be a burden and when you don't want to bother him, then this man is not going to feel men enough around you. She doesn't do everything herself. She doesn't carry the relationship. She allows him to do things for her, she lets him help, she lets him provide and when you let a man provide, he feels like a man, he feels needed and obviously if he's feeling more like a man with you, he's gonna become more invested. You are so independent because that's how you had to be growing up that you accidentally reject a man's need to show up for you. You say you've got it when he offers to pay. You say it's fine when he asks what he can do or what he can help with. And what he hears, you don't need me. Number five, she knows she's the prize. She's not wondering whether he likes her or not. She's wondering whether she likes him enough. She is the one evaluating him and not waiting to see whether she passes the test or not. She knows that her time, her body, her energy are the most valuable things that she owns. And she doesn't just hand them out to anyone. She's very careful. with whom she shares all of these things with. Number 6, she knows she's worthy. She doesn't need him to prove that she is worthy, she knows it. She has inherent worth inside herself. Not because of what she does or what she achieves, but just because of who she is. Like kids and babies, they don't think that they are worthy because of what they're doing, they believe they are worthy because they are. And because she knows that she is worthy, she can't be shaken by his cold shoulder or his mixed signals and If he gives her the cold shoulder or the aramic signals, those things don't make her question herself. They start to make her question him and whether it's true that she wants him in her life or not. number seven, she does not put her partner on a pedestal. When you put someone on a pedestal, they're going to look down on you. So she doesn't do that. She loves him, but she doesn't worship him. She doesn't make him the center of her universe and she doesn't lose herself in his presence. She stays grounded and she stays herself and because she does that, He's constantly trying to win her over. And the next three qualities that she has that you don't are all about the lifestyle that she carries. Number eight, she has a life outside of him. She has friends, she has hobbies, she has goals that have nothing to do with him. She goes to the gym, she travels, she creates. And when she shows up with him, she's not desperate for connection because she already has it everywhere else in her life. He is just an addition to her life and not the center of her universe. Number nine, she knows that she adds alie to it. life. She's not asking and wondering does he like me or asking him do you like me but are you sure you're okay with me do you think I am enough for you or do you prefer this or that? No. She knows she really knows deep down that when he is around her his life is better just because she's there. She knows she makes his life better she brings joy lightness ease and she knows that she is a gift and not a burden. And the last one Because of all of these 9 qualities, whenever she's around him, she doesn't complain 24x7 about what he did or didn't do. She's not obsessing over his text response time, she's not bitter about his past mistakes, she's not keeping any scores, she's just present, she's desirable to be around and fully magnetic. And that magnetism makes him chase her even more, makes him want to be with her even more. So now I want you to check in with yourself. Do these 10 qualities resonate with you? Do they ring a bell? Or are you the complete opposite? Because if you're the complete opposite of these tank qualities, then what you're doing is you're abandoning yourself for love. And when you abandon yourself, you become unattractive. No matter how beautiful you are, no matter how nicely dressed up you get, you become highly unattractive. Not because there's anything wrong with you, but because you've made it very clear that he's more important than you. And energetically he can feel this. And he will start feeling more important and he will start attracting more women. in his life. And men do not chase women who do not value themselves. Think of it, in the past we used to all live in tribes. If there was a sick animal, men wouldn't hunt it. Men wanted to hunt moving targets because it's harder to catch, it's better for the family, it's better for their survival strategy. So even though we don't live in tribes anymore, we're still operating from the same human experience. So men are not going to chase someone. who is on the floor acting sick and not vanu-ing themselves. Think about your last relationship or the guy that you're interested in right now and think where am I abandoning myself? Where are you saying yes when you really mean no? And where are you making him a priority and yourself an afterthought? Most of us do this because we're afraid. We're afraid that if we don't give them everything we will lose him. But what you need to understand is that if you give him everything from the space of fearing abandonment, you're gonna lose him anyways. And you're going to lose yourself too. Because he never wanted the version of you that's desperate. He was not attracted to that version of you. He was attracted to you when you were magnetic, desirable, fun. He was attracted to the version of you that was whole. And that's who you need to remain in the relationship. So the way that you become her, the woman that is being chased, in a good way, starts with a decision that you are worth chasing. That your time, energy and boundaries matter. And then it's about taking small actions, saying no when you don't want to do something, putting your goals first, investing in you first. Because you need to remember that you came here on your own and you will live on your own. And yes, you desire a relationship, you desire to feel loved, to be in a really nice romantic relationship, but that is not the center of your universe. The only thing that's constant in your life is you. So you need to prioritize you. Not from a place of selfishness but from a place of survival. It's all about having a life so full, so rich, so interesting, that a man is lucky to be invited into it. It's about knowing that you're not begging for love, but you're offering him the opportunity to love you. And if he doesn't take it, that's his loss, not yours. You're gonna remain alive, you can hold yourself, you're gonna be fine with or without him. It's about respecting yourself so much that you do not tolerate less than you deserve. It's about having standards and keeping them. It's about being high maintenance, not as an insult but as a statement, as a statement that I know my worth. And the moment you truly really deeply believe that you're the prize, everything will change. Because you are the prize. Your energy shifts, your vibe shifts, and suddenly he'll be the one wondering whether he's enough for you. So here's what I want you to do this week. Pick just one of these 10 qualities, just one of them, and start embodying it. Maybe it's saying no to something that you'd normally say yes to. Maybe it's putting your goal first instead of his request. Maybe it's spending time with your friends instead of spending time next to your phone waiting for his text. Maybe it's dressing up for yourself and not for him. Pick one and watch what happens. Watch how his energy shifts. You are the prize. You have always been. You just forgot. As a collective, as women, we have really forgotten who we really are. A woman is the only gender that can. bring life on this planet. So own your word, go back to your roots and remember who you are. Thank you so much for being here with me. I hope that this landed for you. If it did, please share it with another woman who needs to hear this. So let's change this together and remember who we really are as women. And we are not each other's enemies. It's just we are our own enemy. Remember that you are the prize and that you are worthy. I wish you a really happy weekend and see you next week on Heal Out Loud.