speaker-0: Hello and welcome back to another episode on Heal Out Loud. And today we have a lovely guest with us. Hello, Anne.

speaker-1: Hey Nicole, so glad to be here.

speaker-0: Anne is a somatic reparenting practitioner who's going to be talking to us today about her journey and her work. And basically this episode is for you if you never want to feel alone again. Both Anne and I know exactly how that feels like. And Anne, you can go ahead and give us a bit of an introduction about you, your work. And once again, thank you for being here.

speaker-1: Yes, I'm so glad to be here and I'm so glad to get to talk about the work that I do every day, right? And just open people up more to what's possible for them when they work with their bodies. It's just right here the whole time. ⁓ I am a mother of two. I have been in the mental health field of children and families for the last two decades and I was a child therapist and did a lot of work with families with, you know, very overt, very extreme kind of abuse and neglect. And then as I was doing that job and as I became a mother and was understanding attachment and my nervous system for my job and then was watching what my attachment system and nervous system was doing in the context of my home where there was no overt like incident, I started to understand how my vanilla childhood as I call it or my, you know, just socially acceptable. you know, culturally sanctioned way of being raised and being in the world really was causing a lot of disruption and pain and disconnection in this relationship with my children that I cared so much about now that I was in the role of mother. And so I gradually for the last few years just started to in my own healing journey and my own quest to become myself and be attached to myself so I could be attached to my children, I really started working with my body. I really had this moment where I realized there is something in my body that my brain cannot touch. then I followed the little bread-cum-trail and followed these little nudges towards practitioners and experiences that gave my body new safety so that she could release and heal and rewire. And now that's what I do with adults. Actually, I'm so passionate about healing the child inside the adult body. And I see individuals, I do group work with women and mothers, and that's just so transformative. And I'm just really excited to share some things I've uncovered for your listeners.

speaker-0: Amazing. Thank you, Anne. Yes, exactly as you're saying. We have all the tools right here and we're always, at least on my own journey, I was always looking for things outside of me, either a partner or Prince Charming or, I don't know, maybe smoking and food. Food is a big one, at least for me it was. And I know also with my clients, there's lots of the restrict and binge and the all or nothing approach in every single thing and achieving. Because sometimes we tend to think that when there's like these attachment issues, people go for the, for like the bad decisions, but it's not true. Sometimes like, for example, for me, it was achieving a lot, like constantly studying, doing so much. So yes, I'm really excited to listen to what you have to share with us. And I want the you who's listening to really take what Anne is going to share today and Apply it to yourself so you will never feel alone again. obviously listening to this is going to tap into your 5 % conscious brain. So you need to do what Anne is going to share here with us today. So Anne, the floor is yours. I would really love to start by listening to your own journey of maybe how you stopped feeling alone and how that changed with your kids too.

speaker-1: completely and I love that prompt for the listener and I will add to that as well. just, all I want to do is be the ambassador, the reconnector back to the person living in the body and their body, right? And I use nervous system, body and inner child interchangeably, right? Because they're all essentially the same thing. And so as we're speaking, I invite the reader to notice, did they just have an involuntary exhale, right? Did their chest get tight? Did they feel tears come to their eyes? Does their throat start to feel anything, right? Like any sensation. I really do invite the listener to start to notice the communication from the body because she is listening. I'm assuming your primary listener is she, so I'll use that pronoun. But using pronouns for our body actually helps us be more relational towards our body. So whatever pronoun you use out in the world, I invite you to start using. that pronoun towards your body. She really didn't like that. She's really tired, right? She's, she's pissed off. So I invite the listener to start to notice as I speak, as you speak, Nicole, to just be curious and just allow the body to show you, allow her to show you what resonates with her. And yes, you know, I was thinking about this, Nicole. And for me, my marriage was the real pain point, as you said. I mean, I just completely, this culture did not help. my limerence, my fantasy that love would finally come in the context of romance, right? That I would be finally seen and rescued and I would feel not alone anymore. And all of my problems were just going to be fixed by this one person, know, fixing everything for me. And that's the magical thinking of the inner child. It makes so much sense that the child is meant to receive, the child is not meant to work and do and earn. And so we kind of, a lot of us, when we don't have those core relational needs met in our early developmental years, we progress into adulthood and we still have that fantasy that the perfect partner or like you said, the perfect, you know, job title or, you know, all these external factors will meet this ache inside of us of feeling like we're alone and we're unlovable and that there's something wrong with us, right? I met my perfect mirror in the father of my children. And I can truly say that without a nervous system response. And I can really mean it when I say that because he has pushed me into levels of healing that I never would have done without him. And so I can now say that I'm so grateful because we all need a catalyst, right? We all need something, whether it's an, it's usually from my experience, it's usually an illness, a partner, or a child that really will, that is so close and we can't escape it and that we'll just poke and prod and pick and just, it feels terrible until you understand what it's here for, right? You feel like a victim and still you start to understand enough like you do when you're listening to a podcast like this, that, ⁓ my God, the context, right? Like we're all here to heal. That's what I fully believe on this planet. We're here to heal. We're here to grow. and we're here to expand and we're all just bumping up against each other and instigating that or supporting that, right? And so I just, the first time I really reconnected with my body slash inner child was doing emotional release body work with actually a masseuse practitioner that was trained in this modality that was, I live on the East coast of the United States. This is more common on the West Coast of the United States and way more common in Europe. And she was the only one in the Southeast. And I just saw her little flyer. I walked into this market I go to every single day. And for some reason, I just turned my head and looked at the bulletin board, which I never looked at. And I just saw this flyer that said, you know, or do you need to heal your inner child? Do you feel like there's, you know, unprocessed stress in your nervous system and your body is not being touched by know, cognitive rewiring. Essentially, that's what I had just reached that point of my healing, that edge. And then I see this flyers. I believe in magic. That was a magical moment. And I called this woman and I drove to her house thinking, what the hell am I doing? I don't even know this person, but I did it anyway. And I laid on her table and the second I met this woman, and this is what I want to be for everyone that interacts with me. And I know you feel this too, Nicole, just I want to embody safety, right? Like I just want to exude safety. The nervous system needs that relational experience to open and heal and disarm. And Laura, just the second I met her, her face, her body language, her energy just communicated safety. And as I got on her table and we did a little bit of breath work and then she touched certain points on my body and girl, just some dormant cries, like some tears, this unprocessed emotion. That's what causes our nervous system. to be stuck in these chronic states of stress. That's not adulthood. That's not how we're supposed to be living. That is trauma, right? When we're stressed all the time, when we're hypervigilant all the time, when we're anxious all the time. And I just got out of my head and cried and released tears that I had registered in my parents' face that they weren't gonna stay with me if I cried to that level. And it just blew me away that I just, she just set up the right relational environment for my body to do what my body needed to do. And by the end, I felt so connected to my inner child. I just saw myself like rocking her like a baby. And the next day I sat on my porch and I'll never forget this, Nicole. I literally just felt my chest, like my window of tolerance, right? Like I literally just was like, I feel completely different. Like my nervous system is at a different set point forever. There's no going back. Like this is. Right? I see you nodding. It's wild.

speaker-0: Yeah, very, very true. Yeah. I tend to forget that sometimes people are going to just listen and not, they can't see me nodding, but it's amazing to listen to your first experience. I always tell my clients like after the first time they meet their inner child to go and journal on it because the first time is the first time. And I really relate to what you're saying so much because for me, my first time was literally I had been searching for my mom's love all along and I felt that she replaced me with crack. My dad chose another family and then you start becoming a teenager and I started searching for that love outside of me. And the first it was achievements and then I was in a very long term relationship and I thought, okay, I'm safe. But something still didn't feel, I still felt. empty if that makes sense. then there were some other short-term relationships where I realized like listen something is happening here like I need to go further and beyond that's where I got to know about childhood wounds, childhood trauma and our child's healing and the first time I did it, I was like wow this is the love that I've been searching for all along literally.

speaker-1: I know, and I, you know, we talk so bad about how social media, like everything has pros and cons and wherever we are, that's where you are. But I'll never forget one of my favorite content creators that ended up taking some training with James McCray. I remember seeing a little drawing he had of an alien and it said, do you know how you're looking everywhere for your car keys and you find them in your hand? That's what humans are doing with love.

speaker-0: Very true.

speaker-1: and these certain moments that you're ready to hear something. And I'll never forget that because that is essentially it. It's just we've been looking for love in all the wrong places and it makes sense because again, I love looking at the framework of the body and the nervous system and the biology because I don't know about you. I know the listener. Like I had so much shame about my behavior, my protective responses. I had shame for so long. And I was, I internalized that early when my parents ⁓ didn't, again, like, I just want to really normalize your story is so overt and so extreme in so many ways. And then mine was just, you know, I had a parent leave me for workaholism, right? And like a divorce, which is pretty common, but nothing, no, no, new family, no, no extreme affair, nothing really extreme, just like a civilized. dignified divorce, you know what I'm saying? And then, you know, my, had another parent who just couldn't connect with me because they weren't connected to themselves and they were people pleasing and managing and dissociated. And so my body just internalized, there's something wrong with me because they can't connect with me. That's what the egocentric child, you know, consciousness does is I'm too sensitive. I can't feel, I can't feel anger. I can't feel sadness. And then our inner working system kind of gets to these set points at a certain part of our development. And then we just look at the world that way and we don't have to anymore. Right. And so when we understand that we can really return to our biology and really start to begin a two way relationship with our biology. Right. And, you know, I really something shipped into me to all these little moments. But, you know, my body has been parenting me really because every time I dissociated, every time I froze, every time I fawned, every time I freaked out, that was my nervous system controlling me, shutting me down so I wouldn't cause any more problems, so could be as connected as possible. Every time that was the fawn and the freeze and the dissociation, that was protection. I'm the one receiving that. Or when I freak out, you know, when I would freak out at my husband, it was because my nervous system was reading the room for me like she had been doing my whole life and saying, ⁓ now she's in a place of power. Now all that ⁓ anger she swallowed, right, with her big scary parent that really intimidated her and hit her. She had to swallow all that response in her. She had to stuff it down. But now, ⁓ she can let it out. Now it's time for justice and revenge. And now it's time to say all the things she swallowed. Does that make sense?

speaker-0: Makes so much sense and I'm so glad you're mentioning this because I think every human that's listening here all carry shame. for me, shame and I used to be best friends. I felt so much shame. I couldn't even tell my friends the way I used to freak out at my partner and my long-term relationship. I felt like I used to, like I'd show a different me to everyone. I show a different me with my family, with my partner, with my siblings, and with my friends. anytime my friends tell me, you don't deserve this, I'm like, I think I do because you don't know what I actually do to this person. So I'm so glad you're mentioning this because people don't talk about the freaking out part. And it's true, it's our body protecting us. It's our nervous system protecting us to not experience what we experience as kids. However, then we carry a lot of shame, so it gets a bit conflicting. yeah. So, I used to... I remember when I was going through all of this and people used to tell me... I remember my mom telling me, Nick, you need to learn how to love yourself. Like my mom, although she was a crack addict, she was very emotionally intelligent. And she used to tell me, Nick, you need to learn how to love yourself. If you're gonna stay this way, you're never gonna be with someone. You're too much, your attitude is too much. And obviously there was so much anger towards my mom when she was saying this because I'm like, you're the one that created this. But I was still in my victim back then. Then I realized I am responsible to heal. But I couldn't understand when my friends, when my mom, when all these people used to tell me, you need to love yourself first. Okay, what do want me to do? I go to the gym, I go to yoga, I read, I journal, I meditate, I travel, I work, I study, what else? How can I love myself a bubble bath? What is loving yourself really and if you had to explain it from this body, from the she part.

speaker-1: Totally. That's such a great question. And my God, what a tricky combo of your mother being a crack, an emotionally intelligent crack addict. Like, wow, we really get the curriculum we need. And that is, that is really, really tricky. Amazing that you pushed through that. Talk about just, just my goodness. So I love that you mentioned this exactly. We hear self-help, you know, when I hear self-help categories, I'm like, can we just call it help? Like, hello, like we have to do it all. And it's just, we've overused these terms like love yourself, love yourself, right? And when I, again, like I was just so unique that I became a mother, but I also was learning, I was really on the forefront of learning about the nervous system and trauma and interpersonal neurobiology and polyvagal theory because of my job. And so I was really understanding the inner workings of the nervous system. And that gave me enough, again, I talk about the biology because the biology is impersonal and I am not my nervous system. I don't digest my food. I don't pump my blood. And I also am not my nervous system, right? And so I had blended my identity, my selfhood with my behaviors in a way. But then when you really start to understand, okay, I have a nervous system. And my nervous system is something I'm in relationship with and just for science, the beginning of self-love for me was just for science. How can I start to communicate as the one like riding in my nervous system? How can I start to communicate to my nervous system? Hey girl, we are literally safe right now. Let me show you the living room. Let me tell you, you know, the mantra that I began with because I was raising two toddlers. I had just a completely hijacked nervous system and it was COVID. And I just needed to get so basic at first with we are safe, we are loved, we have everything we need. That was my mantra. But I just had to tell my nervous system, hey girl, let me just show you we're safe. Let me just show you this. And I think that we, the love start, the love just like with any person, it's built. through bids of connection. It's a relationship that gets deeper and stronger and more intimate the more we go towards, the more we think about the person, the more we have curiosity and respect and interest, right? And so that's the relationship we can actually build with our bodies and our nervous systems of, wow, how are you doing? And why are you doing that? And let me tell you, you don't have to do that right now. Right? Let me show you that that's no longer needed. Let me forgive you for, you know, misreading the situation and going from zero to 60 when literally right here, right now, that's not necessary. So that relationship with the nervous system starts to get deeper into love. The more that we start to kind of inch around it and start to communicate and really It's just practical, you know what saying? And I think too, hear, it's so wild because we live in this culture and I know you're in Europe, but Western culture is Western culture, right? And I think that also I have a beef with the way we talk about the nervous system, because just like you're saying, you're talking about actions. Like I study, I take care of myself, I exercise, I eat right. That's so impersonal. Like we are relational beings. And we, our nervous system is deeply relational because guess what? Yes, it freaks out when you almost get hit by a car, but it absolutely freaks out when your partner is in a bad mood and that is correlated with, you know, the parent that hit you or, you know, does that make sense? Like our nervous system is deeply relational, especially nowadays, like we're pretty safe most of the time logistically, but it's reading relational cues because to the developing nervous system, connection to another being means safety. Right? And so we can start to really have reverence for the nervous system and really start to understand that it's just practical at the beginning. The love comes kind of later, the felt deeper sense of love. But at the beginning, it's just, hey, girl, slash nervous system, let me tell you what you don't have to do anymore. And I always tell my people I work with, you don't have to feel it. Like you don't have to even feel, you probably won't feel better in the beginning. It's like we're showing a feral cat, like I'm just gonna sit on the couch and move slowly and let you slowly start to trust me and then you'll get a little closer and then we'll go from there. But the nervous system is very wise. I always say, slash the inner child, I always say I deeply respect and trust your nervous system. She knows exactly how much time and how many deposits of attention and soothing, right, that she needs to start to disarm because she cares that much about keeping you safe and she ain't gonna just let go that fast.

speaker-0: Very, very true, very true. And exactly what you said, like connecting with a person is we're relational human beings. So that's what makes us safe. If when we were younger, we never felt fully safe, connections are not going to feel safe immediately. So I agree 100 % with what you're saying that give it time. And I say this to my clients too, like, listen, do this, connect to your inner child, let her know that she's safe, that you're there, she's not gonna be abandoned. However, it doesn't mean that you're going to magically feel better immediately. It's just you're training it the same way when you would go to the gym. Like you can't expect this because you go one time to the gym or because you have a good meal that your body's gonna magically change. And this morning on my walk, I thought about like, so for me it was always hard to stay consistent with my physical activities. So at start, I always had the all or nothing approach and I know that that comes from childhood wounding. However, it was always like, either go on this really strict yo-yo diet thing, like to lose weight, or then I'm just eating like I could eat everyone that's in the house. So basically, this morning I noticed that ⁓ I've stayed consistent this time around and I've been seeing results and it's reminded me that consistency is always, always, always bigger and better than perfection. So I agree exactly with what you're saying. In the beginning, it's practicality. It's not about love. It's about like slowly, slowly letting this feral cat exactly as you said. trust you and get used to you. So I agree 100 % and amazing.

speaker-1: Yeah. And I want to further that too, because there's that. But then also the way I work with people too is to start to, again, I wonder how the reader, or sorry, excuse me. I've been working on my book, so I'm thinking about the... I wonder how the listener noticed what they felt when I talked about being the one receiving protection. Because also would we start to identify

speaker-0: I can tell.

speaker-1: with the one, the innocent one. I always say we are innocent and impacted, right? We are underneath the nervous system and having relational experiences where we feel that core need met of being seen and understood and not judged. Another aspect of my healing that was essential, Nicole, was my departed grandmother. So let's get witchy about it, okay? Like, let's go. This is not just... you know, soup to nut science here. That's too boring. Like I always say mental health without magic is making us mad. M-A-D-D. Like it's making us crazy. We got to bring back the magic. And I tell you what, I had a huge spiritual, you know, transformative experience around this time that I was healing. Because when you answer the call to healing, I fully believe the unconscious field and all of our spirit guides and all of our ancestors. They're like, ⁓ boy, let's go. Let's nudge her along. Let's give her little breadcrumbs. Let's support this process, right? And I just have 10,000 stories and I watch that in the women I work with and the women I know doing this to give us proof. But I had this experience with a loved one and it felt so real to me in my emotional system. And I was starting to trust the wisdom of my body. I followed that. And I didn't get co-regulated as a child around my emotions, like most of us, like we needed, right? Like someone to make us feel safe, seen and soothed. Those are the three S's of security. And really when I talk about healing, it's about becoming securely attached to ourselves, right? It's becoming secure. And I didn't get enough of that experience. I definitely wasn't getting it from my partner and from my toddlers or from my friends who were all just surviving. And so during this time that I was really healing, I started to feel connected to my grandmother who had died about 20 years ago. And from my relational perspective with her, she just delighted in me and loved me. And she didn't feel responsible for training and raising and punishing me. She just loved me. And so my whole nervous system has really internalized that pure, simple love from her, right? And so I did this, I just, I had a meltdown in front of my kids and I freaked out. And then I put on a show, I put on Bluey, I was like, and I gave him a show and then I went upstairs and Nicole, I sat on my bed and I just called forward. I closed my eyes and I just imagined her looking at me. I saw her, I don't even know if I imagined it, I just received it. I saw her looking at me with love. And then my nervous system felt her companionship, her co-regulation, her complete patience. and faith in me and love. And even as I'm talking, I can feel my body recognizing and responding to that. And I started to cry and release and feel lovable while I was doing it and not alone while I was doing it. And so as I work with my clients and as I work with women and in my groups, we can absolutely do that. We can just, there's usually grandparents, but some people don't even have that. They have internalized attachment figures that they felt. so safe with, like Mr. Rogers. I have a client who has done such beautiful relational work with Mr. Rogers' spirit. And so we can imagine them looking at us and we have all these experiences in our nervous system that can just bring that image forward and it feels real to the nervous system because the nervous system doesn't care about time and doesn't care about whether it's like touchable and tangible. It just cares about the experience. And so I started to really like

speaker-0: here.

speaker-1: turbocharged my healing and it started to feel nourishing. That love started to grow, but I had to feel love inside of my body because I needed to receive it. Does that make sense? absolutely can.

speaker-0: Yeah, a hundred percent. It's so true. Thank you for sharing that because with my clients, when we're doing the inner child healing sessions, I'm remembering of one client who every time we did it, she brings, when I ask her where does little, her one to go, she used to tell me to my nanna's house, to her nanna's house. Then right now I have an active client who's still with me right now and she goes to her auntie's house. So we all have maybe a realistic, healthy attachment figure, or maybe a created one when we see, like sometimes we hear kids talking to this imaginary friend, it's creating safety for them. So that's so, true. And another thing you mentioned was we all want to feel seen, safe, understood, not judged. And that's what all this inner child. nervous system and all this bodywork is doing. It's helping us because I want to see, I want to be seen, understood, not judged, but do I give that to myself or am I constantly judging myself? Because when I go in front of the mirror and I'm judging me, I'm judging my inner child. When I'm constantly going and I do something wrong and I'm like, ⁓ I'm so stupid. I'm constantly judging my inner child and our inner child have been judged growing up. So I truly agree with. all that you're saying and 100 % like it's such a good conversation. And also what you mentioned about the nervous system doesn't care about time, whether it's real or not. It's so true. that is, this is the missing link to manifestation then, because my journey started, all this inner child started because I had stumbled across how to manifest your dream life, something like that, or maybe how to manifest an ex back in the day. Maybe, I'm not sure if it was the dream I had for the ex. And I got so into manifestation. And then I knew everything that I should be doing and I felt even worse because I couldn't do it. And then I was aware that I am creating my own shitty reality. So I was like, what do I do? So this is the missing link, this work that you're mentioning.

speaker-1: Truly and honestly same. I think that it's so unfair that we have to do all this healing in the middle of our lives. It's so unfair. We have to do the job and take care of these bodies or parent these children or do all this adult stuff. And it's so unfair that we have to clean up all this mess and we have to do all this work. And I think that healing just so we can be a better parent or a better partner or a better performer or we can have better health, it doesn't move the needle because the child in us is rightfully so resistant to working even more. The child in us has been working their whole lives to shape shift and to be as attached as possible and has been, yes, like abandoned, bullied, right, judged. And I want to name like we unconsciously treat our inner child the way she was treated. And so, manifestation and magic was the perfect little carrot that I needed to have skin in the game. Right? Like, okay, if I can, and I started with the health of my family, but also like, I wanna be able to go to Australia. I wanna be able to have my dream career. I wanna be able to move to this neighborhood. wanna be able, like, you know, like some kind of, you know, egocentric, not super deep, like flashy things. Like it takes what it takes, whatever it is, but manifestation, 100 % was what got me invested. And that is a, whatever it takes. But I just, I got really excited. I kind of got loud for a second cause I'm like, yes, we're talking about manifestation because it puts you in the role of power instead of role of victim. I think that's essentially what it does, right? is we have to see to believe, we have to have these people say, ⁓ listen to this, listen to what I did. They're these expanders for us. Look at, hear this story. I did this and then this happened. We need inspiration. We need to know it's possible. And then we need to give our own selves the permission to say, let's try, let's see how powerful we are. Then healing the inner child as your companion, your co-pilot, your best buddy.

speaker-0: Yeah.

speaker-1: Right? Like they hold all the gold. You know I'm saying? Like, yes, they hold all the unexpressed emotions and the beginning of healing is brave as hell because it's so uncomfortable to finally like labor and release and allow the unprocessed grief and anger and feelings of hopelessness. I don't think we talked about that enough. Like that has to come through the system of even, you know, we've been living on hope and we've been manifesting. And then we kind of reached this point where Okay, her body is safe enough to really feel it, to heal it. Let's feel hopelessness. That context is so important for us to understand that physiologically, these meat suits have got to unleash and release these unprocessed emotions. And I love the intergenerational trauma work. I'm having Mark Wallen on my podcast next week and Galeet Atlas, she wrote, emotional inheritance. We're understanding that there's also stuff in our bodies that our parents didn't put there. It's leftover from the generations. It's leftover trauma responses. Some of us have wars and very tangible cultural events, historical events that we can point to. Some of us, you know, I come from, you know, the white wealthy population of the American South. And I honestly now feel that, you know, we fawned. And we dissociated to participate in slavery and the culture that I grew up in, we don't talk about anything deep or tender or hard ever, even in our own homes, even with each other, never, everything's fine, everything's fine, everything's fine. And that in my view is a trauma response from my lineage of we're gonna just set the table and sit here and profit off of this. like abuse, and we're going to pretend it's not happening. And that did a number on my nervous system. I'm not saying it's worse or better, of course, than any of the other traumas and atrocities that have happened. But it does a number on your body, and each one of us is responsible. I think especially the time we live in now, the consciousness we have and the availability we have to information and support, it's up to each one of us to really release the body from what she's been holding. from what she thought she wasn't able to do. We create the relational environment because the body knows how to heal trauma. She just needs enough registered relational safety to do it. And so can we show her, hey babe, there's no one in this house right now and I'm safe. You know what I'm saying?

speaker-0: Yeah, yeah, amazing, because it's so, so true. And until you embark on this journey, like you actually walk this journey, we're explaining it in words as much as possible. And again, we're tapping into the listener's 5 % conscious brain. And this is why the self-help books, sometimes people say they don't work. It's not because they're not working. It's because you're gaining the knowledge, like the same that you're doing with this episode. You're getting all the knowledge that you need, what you need to do the work. And doing the work, as you said earlier, it's not doing more, it's becoming more. Because for me, like this morning was one of those mornings where I woke up from a bad dream. It wasn't actually bad, it was very confusing. And I was like, okay, thank you, subconscious, for showing me how confusing you are right now, how confused you are. But it took me, I woke up at 5 a.m. and it took me until 12 p.m. to ground myself and from 5am till 12pm all I was doing was asking little Nicole like what do you need from me right now and she kept on asking for safety and I was like okay how does that what what is safe right now maybe it's calling a friend maybe it's having a bath maybe it's making some nice porridge or something and I kept from 5am till 12pm literally Anne trying to make her feel safe I needed to work so I had to work but I took the time, it's literally like you're parenting a little kid. And sometimes from 5am to 12pm I was like, at one point I was like, ⁓ my god, what time am I going to feel better today? Am I just going to keep on feeling like this? And then I was like, yes, if need be, if that's what I need to feel, then let it be. Yes, so it's not always, I want the listener to know here that you've got to walk the walk to know actually what type of flowers you're going to see, if it's going to rain or not. However, at the same time, it's for me, for my personal story, personal experience, it's the best thing that I could ever do to myself, honestly, because in the past, I always needed someone from outside of me to make me feel good and... In my last breakup, and not because I valued the person less, actually when you're getting older, I think you value people even more because you're thinking of a direction of life goals together. So it wasn't about that. It was more that, okay, I am sad, but I am not drowning in the sadness because I am holding little Nicole. I'm holding my body. And apart from that, I think this is the first time in my life where I don't need any or validation or any texts from a man to feel good about myself. So I think I do desire a connection. I do desire it. I think that's a normal human thing. We're all interdependent. We all want one another. So I desire that, but I am not dying without it. And I'm not feeling alone because I don't have it.

speaker-1: It truly is that, I was thinking about this yesterday, Nicole, that panic that I used to feel of this external thing might not work or it's been taken away or I haven't gotten validation from this person that told me last night they love me, but they haven't texted me yet today. And it's 1 p.m. That is the insecurity of the nervous system, right? That like life or death. And so exactly what you're saying, that security of your, when I hear do the work, I just want to cross that out. and like throw into the bottom of the ocean. It's new relational experiences really is the work. It's relational experiences. Exactly what you're talking about of I'm noticing how you're doing, you know, little child inside of me. You're not doing okay. How can I make you better? It is a two way relationship and what's so beautiful and I don't think it's said enough. And, but once you experience it, it builds on itself. Like you are the child and the adult this morning. You were both right. Like you are receiving care. and giving care, right? Like we are both, we are the rescuer and the rescued. We are the parent and the child. And it feels so good. And it sounds so wild, but it really is. It feels so good finally for the little child in us to feel wanted. And there's curiosity. Is it a bath? Is it porous? What do you need to feel? And what will make you feel better? And as a parent myself, and I work primarily with parents, and I used to do para coaching, and I used to see parents and children and do all this teaching, and I'm like, we don't need to learn how to be a parent. All these instincts are inside of us, and we reclaim them throughout the process of healing. And you will be an incredible parent, Nicole, if you want to be one, because you know exactly how to attune and notice. You seem a little off or you seem distracted or disconnected. What do you need right now? And as a parent too, babe, like exactly that. It's not, the objective is not to push you further along in the process of feeling better. You know, it really is, I'm with you while you don't feel good. Right? Like you will know when you're done. You will know when enough time has passed. Your body will let us know when you're done with this feeling. And the more I push, and that was the beginning of my process too, you we hear about in the parenting space co-regulation. Well, it was just another form of me trying to control and shorten the duration and intensity of these emotional outbursts or emotional feelings because my body was like, danger, danger, bad, bad, this is bad. Just because I got those wires crossed, they got like associated. When this happens, this means this. And so that's not reality, it's our conditioning. And so the work is new relational experiences gradually. don't expect yourself to go from, know, avoidant and annoyed and outcome-based relational, you know, tending to, you know, the wise, grounded, take as much time as you need, my heart is open.

speaker-0: Hmm.

speaker-1: You know, that's a slow walk, right? We all have the capacity and the ability inside of us to get there. We just need enough experiences. Unlock that.

speaker-0: Yeah. Yeah, so true. So true. This is what I tell my clients. You sit with your inner child, with your body, your nervous system, the same way you would with a friend who just broke her leg. You're not telling your friend or your kid like, I hope that your leg heals soon because I want to go to the beach. No, you're just there. You're getting them desserts and you're just watching a movie with them. And that's the same with your inner child with your body because you need to... You will never find what, in my opinion, you will never find what you're looking for from outside of you if you can't give that to yourself even once you find it. Like in my last relationship, I was happy. So in the beginning, and then all of a sudden there was this, like I tend to call it like this tank that I have inside of me that was filled by this person. But then all of a sudden I'm like, mmm, it started leaking again because there was a problem in the tank. The leak was there. So no matter how much this other person was going to pour into that tank, it kept on leaking, leaking and leaking until I sit with myself and just literally with my inner child and letting her know like, even if this person leaves, even if everyone leaves, I'm here and I'm going to hold you. You told yourself you wouldn't check his phone again, yet you checked it. You promised yourself that you're not going to chase someone again that's going to make you feel unworthy. You told yourself you were done chasing someone who makes you feel like an option. But you're still waiting for a text back at 11pm, wondering what you did wrong. You've read every book, you know what anxious attachment is. You probably sent that voice note to your best friend and it starts with, I know I'm being crazy but... And nothing has actually changed. But here's what nobody tells you. This pattern isn't a mindset problem, it's older than any relationship that you've ever been in. It was wired in your nervous system before you even knew what love was supposed to feel like. And you cannot think your way out of something that lives that deep. Break the Pattern is a one day workshop where we go back to where it all started. The real route, not the version that you've already processed, and we interrupt it. One day to finally understand why this keeps happening and what it actually takes to stop it. Link is in the show notes. See you there.

speaker-1: Girl, I know, and like literally everything, romantic relationships, job experiences, friends, health, everything. We can use everything as material for our healing percent. And I had this moment too where, I don't know if you know the song, my Starship from the eighties, I you're younger than me, but. can build this dream together, standing strong forever. Music is one of my favorite relational sources. Right? Of comfort and inspiration. And that song is my anthem to my inner child. And I really had a moment with that song. And two months later, I had the bandwidth to finally separate from my husband, which was the most healing thing for him, for me, for the children. But yes, exactly that. And everything can be a vehicle for us to heal. I mean, you know, when I remember getting sick, mean, dating, could we please? I've just kind of started. to eating a little and good. Wild. I mean, the turnaround for me is so fast where I'm like, okay, I feel I need to heal here. Like most people don't have the capacity to meet us to the level that we've met ourselves. And that doesn't mean that there isn't one person out there, but like it is just such an opportunity for self discovery and to still like dip into old patterns and be like, wait, no, I don't want to do that anymore. What am I doing? Like I'm not doing that. But I just even like using examples of, you know,

speaker-0: Yeah.

speaker-1: getting sick and being sick, especially as a mother and most of us are like, know, hyper, especially as women, we're hyper performers, we're perfectionists, we're hyper vigilant. We do, do, do, do, do. It just, it puts me in direct contact with my, my original wound, which is I'm only worthy when I'm helpful. I'm only worthy when I'm productive. I'm only worthy. And so, you know, I got sick a couple of times in the last year and it just, it was like, okay, girl, here we go again. And I didn't have to feel into my worthiness every minute of that process. First, I got really mad and down on myself and I felt all those old feelings again of like, God, I'm just such a mess. I feel behind. feel like I'm never. And then I had to love myself and be like, girl, we just need to rest. We got time. And I knew I was healing a wound. So I just want to invite everyone to use everything for your healing because essentially it is. And I love the word catalyst. Like this guy, is a catalyst. Like look at you realizing something. Look at you getting wiser and smarter and stronger and more devoted to your relationship with your inner child, right? Of girl, we don't have to do that anymore. We're not pouring into an empty bucket, right? That bucket's got holes in it. We're going to waste our own energy and then we're going to feel rejected. Like, ⁓ we don't have to do that anymore. You come with me. I got you.

speaker-0: 100%. 100%. And I love that you mentioned that first you got mad when you were sick. Because yes, I want the listener to know that I get mad. I do things that are after I'd say, maybe I shouldn't have done that. The difference is that I don't shame and blame myself so much anymore. I do, but I shift that to kindness and compassion. And they're like, okay, my inner child needs me. And you're going to get frustrated sometimes like you do with kids at the end of the day. And that's okay. Forgive yourself. Be aware that maybe next time you want to show up one person better, but consistency over perfection every single time.

speaker-1: Yeah, yes. And yeah, the process is wonky and it is so much about stepping into the mud again, but for shorter amount of time. And I like to think too about being curious. again, my nervous system has gotten activated and it has affected my thoughts and feelings and behaviors, right? And so what is going on here with curiosity, like our little detective hat, right? I'm like, I don't want to keep doing this and the only way out is me and you know what I'm saying? So it's about manifesting too. It's like, okay, this pattern's coming back around with different clothes on. Like, okay, here we go. I noticed the theme happening here. I don't want to have this experience keep happening to me. So it's about power to an agency because I swear to God, and you know this too, right? Like when you alchemize the wound in you and when you no longer are operating from this you know, false self, negative self belief that you picked up as a kid from your caretakers and your culture or your ancestors, who knows, but it's in there. The theme stops coming at you to be worked on. So we're like, we're hacking the system because I just want to be free and increasingly unbothered and in my purpose and able to love and be loved. So that's the shiitake I've been on. And I swear it really, and you get rewarded and you get supported and it's just a place of agency, I think too. Like our body, our nervous system really responds to, hey, we're in power here. We're not a victim. We're not wounded. We're not broken. This experience even, I encourage my clients to think in these terms too, like, okay, I'm getting sick again for a reason because I didn't really learn the lesson last time. What is this here to teach me? Right? What's coming around? Or am I supposed to experience sadness with more compassion and neutrality? Because when we find neutrality and acceptance around these experiences and what they bring up in us, then they release and they don't need to keep being worked on. And we raise our consciousness that way too. I'm building a feeling to be felt, not just a lesson to be learned. What is this here to teach me and what is this here to promote feeling is this here to promote in me. The last few years, I had this whole theme with like basements flooding. It was insane. And it just worked so much out of me. You know what I'm saying? Like it worked on me so much. And ⁓ yeah, I just found increasing neutrality. This doesn't mean anything about me. This is just something I'm experiencing. This is something I'm learning and that's the secure child. The secure child I'm raising to you right now. They don't overly blend and identify and internalize shame around learning and living and feeling. Their identity is secure and they're having experiences. Does that make sense? And really that's what enlightenment is. You know, when we hear about it, like no one can be enlightened. It's like, it's actually just being secure. You're just having experiences. They don't mean anything about who you are. They're just something you're experiencing.

speaker-0: Cure. Yeah, so true. I wish to add something onto this. It sparked something. I remember from my own journey, the time where every single thing that used to happen outside of me, if it's an argument with a family member, if it's someone not waving to me on the street, maybe they were busy, but at the time, I used to make everything mean something negative about me. And that drove me into a space. Even my body's doing this now. It drove me into a space of nobody loves me, nobody cares about me. And these were all limiting beliefs I carried from my childhood. So this work, what this work did to me, it's every single morning I used to wake up as soon as I used to open my eyes, I'm like, I'm still alive. I really didn't want to be in pain anymore, but I had to take care of my sister. And nowadays I'm like, ⁓ my god, life will end one day. I have no idea when life will end for me. Hopefully I'll have as many years as possible. And now I'm like, I want to be alive. So this is what this work has done for me. And of course there are days where I cry, where I'm sad, where I feel experienced heartbreak, grief, where I think, what is this all about? Because life makes us question these things, but it's so different. So, so different. And yeah.

speaker-1: Well, Nicole, my God, I what I know about your story. There's nothing more of a testament to like where you started. And I can only imagine the relational environment that you, you know, swam in as a developing child. And the fact that you've come this far is unbelievable. Unbelievable. Really, I'm so proud of you and I admire you so

speaker-0: Thank you.

speaker-1: so much because my God, I mean, I'm not here to minimize, like, I just want to normalize that, like, that felt sense that most people feel, which is everything is confirming that there's something wrong with me and I'm alone and all those core feelings. That can also come from these vanilla childhoods where we were emotionally neglected and abandoned, right? Food on the table. What do you got to cry about? There's no problems. That's a very socially normalized way to be raised. And I think that the the person without such an overt trauma history thinks there even more so there's just something wrong with me. And I felt that way so long and I never could have healed without understanding how trauma affects the body and that not having your emotions attuned to and accepted at least 40 % of the time creates is a trauma to the body. But I just want to really acknowledge you and how far you've come and how just strong and devoted and loving you've been to go this far.

speaker-0: Thank you so much. Thank you. As I said, my mom was very emotionally intelligent and that's how she ended up taking crack for sure to numb the pain. But I'm so glad you also mentioned this vanilla childhood you had because all my clients come to me, they're like, Nick, I relate to what you're feeling so much from what you share on your socials. But my mom was with me at home and she loved me so much. She never left me at home alone like your mom did. My dad was at home. Then we start unpacking. The dad was always working. The mom was always trying to clean. The mom didn't have time to draw on the drawing book with the kid. So it doesn't need to be huge trauma or this like drug addict's parent or I don't know, all the other things that could be true to people with huge traumas, but it could also be little t. ⁓

speaker-1: Right. And I think people like you and me, I you know, your experience, my experience, you know, as a, you know, working with trauma professionally and then turning it around and being like, why am having trauma responses in my perfectly safe home? You know, it just, I'm so glad we're in the age of information where we can have just such intimacy and depth and with people like us that can tell the truth about how we're feeling and people can relate because that's all they need is to know. oh, that just tips away at the shame. Like, I feel that way too. I'm not the only one. Shame can't stay in the sunlight, right? know, really, shame really needs a loving witness to dissolve and we can use, I always say we can use so many sources and I have used every single one I possibly could and we don't need more time or a perfect schedule. like, sometimes I feel the trees, you know, the trees co-regulate me, right? I just point my eyeballs at those trees and I see the gentle movement and the green and the color and I feel the aliveness from the tree and looking out the window right now and my nervous system takes all that information in and starts to regulate. Right? Because we're looking at a tree for a prolonged moment, which is what? 15 seconds. She's not about to get murdered by a tiger. Okay. ⁓ we can kind of reparent the body, right? Or, you know, put on a song, like, I don't got it this morning, you know, like, I mean, I remember the song gratitude. We had a big old hurricane in my community. And that was like after right after my divorce. And I just I just did not have a lot of bandwidth for that kind of trauma. And I would just put on these songs that just made me listen to what I wanted to internalize. I didn't have it in my body. Okay, body, we're just gonna we're gonna just get you exposed to these words and this repeated rhythm and this consistency of the song over and over again. And that regulates the body because the predictability, right? The rhythm that co-regulated me. So we don't have to do it all the time. We just need to like point our face and our eyeballs to the tree sometimes, or we need to put on the song or we need to just put our hand on our heart and be like, I got you girl. There's so many ways. Does that make sense to show the body slash the inner child slash the nervous system and notice how you're doing. I want you to do better and maybe this will help.

speaker-0: Yeah, yeah. And everyone has to practice their own, their own methods. And that's why you need to start getting like what you explained about the feral cats and to start getting used to allowing the cat to get used to you. Because for example, when I was severely wounded, severely like depressed and spiraling, I used to go out in nature and I'd feel a little bit okay. But then I was like, nature is not doing it for me. Like I'm just like, okay, I'm sitting on the grass, but I still feel like I. want to vanish from this world. music, nature, everyone can find their, like, what brings them back to safety. I think if we had to summarize, like, you started with this and it was amazing what you said. It's all about feeling safe. That's what it's all about. And I've heard you say you've mentioned Reader a couple of times in the beginning too, and are you writing a book right now?

speaker-1: I I'm working on my book. And I am trying to do exactly what you mentioned, the edge of books, which is provide a relational experience through the page. So that's what I'm really intending to do and trying to get over. And we just keep getting these new opportunities to ⁓ be truly ourselves. I'm just really intending, I'm getting closer to enjoying this process and

speaker-0: Wow. ⁓ Why is

speaker-1: allowing what needs to come out, out. ⁓

speaker-0: of me.

speaker-1: And I'm curious too, Nicole, real quick. I know you're trying to wrap up in like segue. I'm assuming you saw a therapist during your healing process as well, or did you?

speaker-0: All good. So when I was, since my mom was very emotionally intelligent, she knew that she was traumatizing me with her addiction and with the fact that I didn't have a dad. From the age of seven, I think, we started with, I used to go to a psychologist and then I had a play therapist and all of that. And it did help for a little while. felt I had a safe relationship where this person, where he used to, it was a male because I didn't have a dad. So my mom thought it should be a male to have a male presence in my life. And he helped me a lot in terms of making me feel seen, heard, understood, giving me some tips and tricks on how to deal with the abuse I was going through at the time. However, growing up after my mom passed away and I got back into therapy and all of that, I felt even worse because I was like, okay, I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing. I'm going to the therapy sessions and all of that. So why am I not feeling okay? That's when I then had to, after my mom passed away, I started, the doctor gave me antidepressants and I said I'm going to take them, but because I couldn't get out of bed, but only to work on myself. And I started my own research of childhood wounding, childhood trauma. That's how I found Inner Child Healing. And that's when I started my own journey with an Inner Child Healing coach. So she guided me through the Inner Child Healing sessions. We created a secure relationship. It was coaching, so it was different than therapy. So it was, we met once every week or two weeks, depending on what I needed at the time, but she would be available to speak to me throughout the week. So that created a lot of safety. And that's what I'm doing now with my clients too.

speaker-1: Yeah, I just want to name too that I fully believe that therapy is an important aspect of the healing process. for most of us with this deep disconnection and insecure attachment to our inner child and therefore ourselves, it's not everything. And I think back to what you said originally, just like we've overly put all the power in the external. I just think that we can use therapy and those relational healing partners at times and for a season, but not completely outsource our entire healing to that hour that we're spending with them. I just want to say that because I'm practicing saying that because in my book, I never want to be anti-therapy, but I also want to really name its limits and how it's another relational place. all that we can get, like we need as many as we can get, but the relationship we build with ourselves through, you know, some of these sources and through the leg up that we might get with the therapist, I just want to name, right? I don't want to be selling snake oil here and be like, we've got the, like, this is an essential piece of the healing process. It's a linchpin, it's essential. But I don't want anyone to get the message of like, this is, I don't know, does that make sense? Like, I'm really careful about that, especially as a, like,

speaker-0: I feel the same as you Anne and obviously I come from a very tiny island so you hear what people are saying. However, then I think of Nicole of five years ago, the Nicole who felt so sad in my bed not wanting to wake up to another day and if I didn't have my sister Yana who I she became my responsibility I think if it wasn't to that little girl I would not be here today genuinely and I don't say this make this dark, heavy, it's the truth. No, I believe So when I share this, because that's Nicole of five years ago, I was like, listen, I'm taking the antidepressants, I'm going to the therapy and still nothing is working. I still think I'm a psycho. I still think that there's something wrong with me. So when I pass on this message, like exactly as you said, therapy is so valued for certain things in life and it's another relationship experience. So go for it, go to the therapy. But if you keep on feeling that something is not working, then you need to go to the root cause and that is to your inner child, to your body. So I don't, I used to feel fear sharing this because I didn't want people to think that I'm trying to piss on other types of healing. the truth is that person who felt like I did, like you did, they need to know that, listen, it's not because there's anything wrong with you. It's because there's this type of healing that you haven't tapped into yet.

speaker-1: That's right.

speaker-0: can do it alongside therapy. They can complement each other so well.

speaker-1: need to do it alongside therapy. You know, as a former child therapist and I understood attachment, I would always say to the, like, your child has an attachment to you that I will never ever, ever, ever be able to contend with, especially in an hour, you know, a week, I will go away, right? Like, and I see them one hour a week and you live with them every other hour. And so I started to work more directly with parents because I wanted them to understand and feel supported and how they can foster that attachment. and all the hours outside of the one hour a week their child saw me. And it's interesting, Nicole, I haven't been able to say this yet and thank you for giving me the space and going over a minute because that's essentially us and our inner child. Like we're the one living with her every minute of every... You're the one waking up with her and being like, ⁓ my God, how are you doing? And if we're like putting a therapist on a pedestal, we're missing out on our own agency. And also sometimes a therapist helps or a medication, you know, helps raise our own baseline and gets us to a place where we can actually do that.

speaker-0: Yeah. Exactly.

speaker-1: ⁓ I just want to say that. just really want that to be named. don't want to... I have all the answers. Work with me. You have all the answers. Work with you. It's like, no, no, no. We're just here to support your process of reconnecting with the love of your life, which is that little girl inside of you. ⁓ Use whatever you can to help you get there.

speaker-0: Exactly. Spreading the word about like inner child healing, bodywork, somatic work. That's all it is because when I was doing my own research, it wasn't as easily accessible at the time. I didn't, I experienced like my mom would wake up in the middle of the night and leave me at home. And this is not to shame my mom because I loved my mom. I still do more than anything in the world. But even though I had that huge trauma, I didn't understand that the way I was showing up in my relationships, in my people pleasing, in my hyper-vision ways and in my perfectionism, hyper-achiever, I had no idea that all of that came from my childhood. So if someone like me who went through all of that had no idea of the correlation and the connection between the childhood and my adult life, so let alone someone who thinks that their mom and dad were like, they had the same childhood as you, loving childhood. So for me, it would be like, ⁓ okay, makes sense. For that person, it would be more like, why am I so ungrateful? My parents gave me everything. They gave you maybe money and food, but maybe they couldn't give you the emotional availability you needed. So I think, I think this is, this is how I see it. I'm just spreading the word on inner child healing and this work. because some people don't even know about this connection.

speaker-1: It's everything. I know. I'm so grateful to connect with you on this. It's just, gives us life, right? It gives us ourselves and ⁓ it really is unbelievable what life experiences we can have. And I've had some really challenging ones in my adult life too. My childhood was vanilla, but adulthood, you know, ⁓ not so much. it's just amazing what we can transcend and alchemize and, you know, be increasingly unbothered by because like I got you girl it's you and me like we can leave rooms we can end phone calls we can drive away like you're the title of my book is is never alone again because the ache of aloneness is so terrible and even when my body's alone I used to feel alone in rooms filled with people I used to feel alone I was very popular very social I felt alone all the time Because like you said, I was away from myself. I was changing and shape shifting for what do need me to be? Who do you need? What do you need? What do you need? I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I was away from myself. And so being connected to ourselves is just what we, you know, it's just so generous too. Like you can, I people feel just our generosity. It's just like, it just, just, you just want that for people. Like my God.

speaker-0: Yeah, because you know what it feels like to not have it. And you know how painful that is. And I am so glad we had this conversation. Really, really. I am so happy. And I'm pretty sure that this is going to help a lot of people out there because two people from very different backgrounds and on the same mission and we've gone through the same process of trying to never feel alone again. And it's amazing. thank you, Anne, for being here, for sharing your knowledge, your expertise. Thank you so, so much. And Anne, if people want to find you, where can they find you?

speaker-1: Yes, I know I've loved connecting with you. It's just, it's healed the professional me of, right? Like I can feel safe and really speak and thank you for giving me honestly. But yes, I have an Instagram account where I teach and empathize and dance and try to make it light and fun and felt, you know, and that's kind of the hub of everything, the reprogrammed parent. because we're just reprogramming our nervous system. And I used to identify as there to support parents, but now I'm like, anyone that was parented?

speaker-0: Come here. Humans, just come.

speaker-1: If you get parented ever, you know, but I'm not kidding actually. But yeah, so there's that. And then yeah, I'm doing all the things. I've got a sub stack. What I really care about the most and for your listener, they're, you know, if they're really feeling resonant with this too, or want to spread with someone, you know, I do this really great group work with women all over the world. I mean, we've had people in France and Portugal, it's a six week. program called Safe Inside and it's somatic experiences with me weekly but then it's a Marco Polo group of like video sharing with women and connecting and it's like an attachment laboratory because they just get to practice being honest and seen and there's enough distance because we're all like in separate lives and you don't know my husband that I'm actually telling you the truth about how I feel about him or you know like it just it's just really powerful to watch the women. you know, practice relational security with each other. And then that is open ended. Once the six weeks is over, the women just continue and create whatever they want. And so I really love that format and I'm watching it really do a lot. then there's also my Becoming Besties is a 30 day like passive program where you can just start to have these daily kind of new relational experiences with the body because for the inner child comes later, but let's just keep it real biological and practical. so there's I feel like you asked where to find me and I told you what I'm selling.

speaker-0: No, that's... I was gonna ask anyways, because then I'm gonna... For anyone who's listening and you want to connect with Anne, I'm gonna add her links down below and in the description. So I guess Anne, you've been amazing and it's so nice to listen to all of this and to be able to speak with someone that shares like similar ways of healing and maybe not... Maybe that was not the word I wanted to use, but... similar ways of going back in the body and the inner child and in our subconscious, the 95 % subconscious, that's what it's all about. This is what I want to maybe end this with. From my end, 95 % versus 5 % conscious is much stronger. Guys, what me and Anne are talking about here is very, very valid, even mathematically proven.

speaker-1: Yes, exactly. unconscious underworld, it ain't boring, I tell you that. know what saying? And for those of us that have been living in a trauma body, boredom feels really bad. And I also have ADHD like all of us because emotional neglect. Right. Hello. But it's just, I just say it ain't boring. Like, you know, when you wake up and you're like, what was that about that dream or? Yeah.

speaker-0: is

speaker-1: It's it's just an uncovering. Yeah, let's our energy there and let the brain just sit back and watch and take cues from the body, right?

speaker-0: That's true. We can't keep talking forever because now that you mentioned the boredom, it's true. I used to think about, by heel, I'm going to become this plain vanilla girl because I like my energy, I like the fact that I feel so much, that I'm all over the place. But no, it doesn't get boring. It gets more mystical, more fun, more magical.

speaker-1: it really does. And I know we have to stop ourselves because you and I are. But I honestly, yeah, that was also like, if I heal my trauma body, I can become more magical. want to see how and right. mean, literally the other day, I'll just end with this. Like, what am I like the field of love is so real. And I feel like more than ever, the unconscious field of love is just like so open. And literally last week, I was thinking about one of my best friends from college who is, you know, I don't see her that often and I just, I like forgot about her and then I remembered her and I was like, Taylor, I love her so much. I just sat for a moment of like, God, I love that woman. Okay. Literally the next day I get a voice note from her and she said, Anne, I woke up and heard your laughter.

speaker-0: Wow, and I believe this.

speaker-1: laughing. And I just wanted to tell you I love you and I'm thinking about you and I miss you. Taylor, you received my like love from, I mean...

speaker-0: We're all one. We're created by the same higher power, so we're all connected. That's why. Anne, thank you so, so much. Thank you, babe. Thank you so much. Thank you. And I'm so happy that you are with us today. So join us next week. We're going to have all the links to Anne's stuff down below and we'll see you again next Friday. Bye, Anne.