Maryam: Welcome to the Zero Comfort Zone, where we explore work, leadership, friendship, and all the ways we navigate what life throws at us without killing our dreams, our sanity, or others in the process. Hi everybody, welcome to the Zero Comfort Zone. I'm Mariam Darwish, and with me is my colleague Shirley Rodriguez Pereira. Today's episode is called Protect the Engine. Because let's be honest, sometimes it's not our work, it's not our colleagues, it's not our clients that are the problem. Sometimes the engine is just tired. You're constantly firefighting. Maybe you're putting in the effort. And you're just not necessarily seeing that progress. And things can blur to the point that maybe you notice that quality, speed, and even the joy that usually comes with the work that you're doing is just slowly eroding. So I think this is something that Shirley and I have learned. And Shirley, we can talk about this a little bit more, I'm sure we will talk about this a little bit more during this episode, but the importance of boundaries. And that boundaries are not going, they don't actually slow you down. The right kind of boundaries can actually create the right kind of momentum. And as people who've who love building, we've learned that you can't really run anything serious, whether it's an organization, a project, or a mission, when you're exhausted. You need focus, you need support. You need non-negotiables. You need to identify and implement these non-negotiables. You need habits that protect you. The person doing the work, not the work itself. So today, Shelley and I we're talking about how to stop confusing being busy with progress, how to protect your energy without losing your momentum. Welcome to the Zero Comfort Zone. This is episode protect the engine. Shelley, is there anything I missed out? Anything you'd like to add? Sjierly Pereira: I think that was pretty comprehensive, so let's just jump into it. Today's episode is called Protect Your Engine. So maybe you can explain a little bit why we chose this as the final topic to our unapologetic theme. Maryam: Okay, great. So I think our previous topics have been about pressure. The concept of pressure has come up in our last couple of episodes. and more centrally in the last one about the pressure to compromise ethics. We we started talking about boundaries within it, if our listeners remember, and non negotiables. We started really thinking about standards that we maintain that are driven by values. So to me, protecting the engine is a reason why we do all of that. It's about what drives you, it's about what keeps you going. You need to know what fuels, what drives, what drains, what affects your engine in a way so that you stay in control. Going back to what I just said in the introduction earlier, you need the energy to drive, to move forward. So it's key that you understand how to get the best out of you. And to support others, right? To make sure you perform, those around you perform. And you cannot do that if you're not taking care of yourself. So you need to be unapologetic about that. Because when you take care of you, you're able to get the best out of you. And in turn, get the best out of those around you. And actually achieve what it is that you get out of bed every day to work on. So The theme of our first three episodes of this podcast have been unapologetic. and I think we need to end this by really thinking about what does unapologetically taking care of myself really look like? so I guess you're getting an idea, Shirley, of my thinking, where I've started and the direction of this protect the engine idea. what in your opinion is your engine and and why is it important to think about it in light of this conversation? Sjierly Pereira: I agree with what you said. It's really about what drives you, It's about what gives you that ability to get up every day and think clearly and decide and like make the right decisions, perform and mainly just show up, right? Be the best version of yourself. Like that's what you need your engine for. And that's why you need to make sure that it keeps being fueled with things that actually give you that energy to keep showing up as your best self. and to be able to do that, you need to know what actually fuels you, And this is not the same for everybody. So we're gonna be talking about some things that fuel you, some things that fuel me. And then obviously there are things that fuel everybody because it is how our brains work. So I will get to that a little bit later, but in essence, all our brains sort of work the same. Maryam: Mm. Sjierly Pereira: And yeah, there's a caveat there, but in essence they all work Maryam: Ha ha ha. Sjierly Pereira: the same. and Maryam: I had so much to say after that sentence. Sjierly Pereira: Feel free. Maryam: No, no, no, we'll leave that for another episode on on the unfiltered theme. Sjierly Pereira: Okay. so that is what your that's what your engine is that and that's why you need to know what fuels that engine, like I said. So you want to make sure that you have the energy to get through the rough times, that you have the energy to get that you persist when things get you know, difficult. and th for that you need to know what your boundaries are, like you said. So that's why we also linked it to the previous to the previous episodes within our autopologetic theme, because you cannot know how to protect yourself if you don't know where your boundaries are, if you don't know what is non negotiable for yourself, because If you don't know that, you're gonna constantly go over your own boundaries, right? And you're gonna allow other people to constantly deplete your engine, basically, maybe even while you while you don't know that that's happening. So this is also about really understanding yourself. understanding what fuels your engine is very much about, and I feel like I keep coming back to the same Maryam: Mm-hmm. Sjierly Pereira: things that I'm saying, but it's very much about understanding who you are, about reflection, self-reflection, allowing yourself that time to really understand who you are and what your goals are and how you can get to those goals. Maryam: I think that's if I can just come in briefly, I think for Sjierly Pereira: Yes, of course. Maryam: me the the self reflection part is has been constant from our first episode. and it it it's important. I always appreciate you bringing it up and reminding us of it because I I think this idea of showing up and being the best version of yourself can only under s can only be done if you reflect and understand that trajectory. what what is the best version of myself. and I know we always have this in our discussions, but this is something that I also say a lot. It's not about competing with somebody else. It's about competing with your current self. Where am I now Sjierly Pereira: Absolutely. Maryam: and where do I wanna be and how do I get there? and you know, when you said boundaries, I for me, sometimes we don't know our boundaries, but we know what triggers us. So we need to take a again reflect, take a couple of steps back and what triggered me on this occasion, what was crossed, what line made me act that way. Sorry, what line was crossed that made me act that way? And then in a way when you do sort of a reverse analysis, you figure out actually this this is my boundary. This is my breaking point in a way. This is where my strategic side goes out the window and my emotional side comes flying in. so I just want to echo what you're saying. I want our listeners to really hear that part around it's about showing up and being the best version of yourself every time you're showing up and how we do that something that I think Sjierly Pereira: Exactly. Maryam: we could we could all reflect on constantly. Sjierly Pereira: So how do you do that? That'd be interesting to know. How do you protect your engine? Maryam: Huh? I think my engine has been going through its own growth journey. Sjierly Pereira: Has it become bigger or smaller? Maryam: The good thing is it hasn't become rusty. but the the Sjierly Pereira: One step forward. Maryam: the I guess what I'm trying to say is for me I've I've been learning more and more about what I need to take, what steps I need to take to protect my engine. For me, one one core part of my engine is my energy levels. I'm I'm quite a high energy person and I know when I don't come into a space with that level of energy, I'm not bringing the best out of myself, nor am I able to bring the best out of those around me because my work is all around that. so I try to protect these energy levels by being very intentional about what I say yes to, both on a professional and a personal level. Because I'm also very driven by by the joy of doing the work that I do. so if you take me into a space where I'm not enjoying it, where I'm not I'm not feeling it, you see a very different person than that high energy person that that others would see in my in my right kind of environment. In in that environment that enhances my performance. So with that saying yes and no, both on a personal and on a professional level, I'm then also able to have very clear boundaries around my time. There's a time of the day that I give to my team, my clients, there's a time of the day that I give to my family. There's the time of the day that I need to give myself. and I've started being very intentional about scheduling even my most personal of things to make sure that I get them done. I think As a mother and as a person who runs her own business. we can sometimes or I can sometimes question my decisions and feel guilt seeping in around but should I really be doing this when I've got to make sure that is done or shouldn't I be giving that time to I don't know this aspect of my personal life, maybe my family, my friends but there's a part of me that just, you know, wants to do something for me Sjierly Pereira: Okay. Maryam: as an individual. So It's it's been a long journey, I would say. When Sjierly Pereira: Mm. Maryam: the kids were younger it was even more difficult as they got older and as I also started understanding what we said from the beginning of this episode that I need to take care of me, to get the best out of me, to give the best to those around me. I started knowing that if I wanted to go to the gym three times a week, first thing in the morning before anybody wakes up, before the world starts, I should do it. nothing is gonna break down. My clients are not gonna say I haven't performed. My family are gonna say mummy's gone missing. Like nothing actually happens. If anything, people when you come back, you come back with that energy and that excitement and that posity. People automatically get the best out of you. another thing is that that's really helped me is Pausing when I'm feeling like I'm on a treadmill of life. and and I think it's important to be honest in that, with all the strategies that we can share, there are moments, at least that I can openly say, I've slept still, right? I felt my engine depleting. I felt like I was running at a pace on my treadmill that was faster than the pace I wanted to set for it. so it's important when that happens to then take a step back and and avoid approaching things with that constant urgency and speed and like express, you know what, I need a moment to pause. Whether that's in candid communication with a client, and we mentioned this in our last episode, and in terms of saying, I need extra time, I'm not able to do this in the way that I wanted to now, I wanna be able to look at it with fresh lens, people Ninety nine times out of a hundred are understanding when you show that openness in time, that vulnerability for the best outputs for both them and you, right? You're not you're not leaving it last minute and then failing them, but you're communicating it in a way that that helps you approach things without urgency but with clarity, without speed, but with quality. And sometimes you need to flag that as I need to do a bit more on that. And then the final part which I love bringing into Some of the leadership trainings that I do is strategies like ways that you can actually focus. What are the habits that you can be consistent in doing that helps you focus? What are the habits that build healthy boundaries? Whether it's getting to sleep at a certain time, waking at a certain time, blocking calendar for certain activities. and you know do the things that you love. These are all things that that are both focus and boundary habits. I'm sure there's a lot of things that I've missed in the wonderful world of ⁓ boundaries and protecting your engine. ⁓ but Sjierly are there any specific strategies that maybe you've used that you feel have fixed your own energy levels? Sjierly Pereira: I love that you start started by saying I'm a high energy person. I think that's also where we find each other. now I'm also a very high energy person. I can also be very calm. So it really also depends on the person that I'm with, but overall I'm I'm quite energetic. in my work I like to be very structured. So there are different situations where I use sort of different strategies to make sure that I hold on to my energy. and for me, so I will let me just talk about the work situation first. So for me in work, there are a few things that are really important. First is what I've really learned over the years. is to plan my time properly. So what I find really important is that when I have meetings that I have some time in between to make sure that I can write my notes, that I can reflect on what was said, that I can also do whatever I need to do to get into the right headspace for the next meeting. Because a lot of people just go from meeting to meeting and then they think that they will know by the end of the day what was said in what meeting. And I don't know if you ever did interviews and you think that after five interviews you still know what was said. You don't know who said what anymore. And basically the same thing is for meetings at work. So I've learned over the years to make sure that when I do have a lot of meetings, That is actually like really a boundary for myself. I will not schedule meeting with less than ten minutes in between. So I will always make sure, like I don't know like I don't care if I'm in a time crunch or whatever. I will rather just have a longer day than less time in between. Because I think that really that reflection in between and just processing what was what was said and making sure that you make your notes is is really important for after, right? It's not Maryam: Yeah. Sjierly Pereira: just about the conversation, it's about the work that you need to do after with the work that comes out of the meeting. So if you don't wrap it up properly, yeah, it's you know, you just lose a lot of the good content. So that is one thing. The other thing that I've really learned over the years is that autonomy is really important to me. what I mean by that is being able to decide for myself how much work I do, how fast I can go in my work, how many things I can do at the same time. this is not about multitasking. I won't go into the concept of multitasking, but let's just say there's no such thing for nobody in the world, because that's not Maryam: You Sjierly Pereira: how our brain works. So this autonomy, this ability to choose my own pace for me is really important. We also know Brainwise, that autonomy is one of the elements that is actually really important in like when you don't have autonomy in triggering a threat response in your brain. So there's a couple of elements like certainty, fairness, Status. So there's different elements that will trigger if it's not there, it will trigger a threat response in your brain. And this is also something really interesting for managers, for leaders to know, because it will also help you to create a safe space for people, it works the other way around. So in my case, if I have autonomy, it will give me a more calm feeling. It gives me a sense of safety because it as goes for everybody, autonomy is about deciding over your own work, about deciding over the things that affect you directly. And being able to decide over things that direct you that affect you directly, sorry, creates a sense of safety and a sense of control over over yourself. And for me that's like one of the most important things in work. Socially, for me, it's more about So I've I like I said I'm a very energetic person at the same time that energy needs to go somewhere, right? So I've always worked out a lot. For me, like running is a really good way to clear my head, doing yoga, meditating, also very good way to like gre regain my energy, but also to recenter. I think like regaining your energy needs to go together. with sort of recentering yourself if that if that makes sense. for me the way that works is like I need to regain my sort of inner peace. And that works by meditating, by sitting on a couch and reading a book. And I think that's also to come into what you said before. It's about being comfortable and here we go back to the boundaries and the non-negotiables about being comfortable with saying no thank you I don't go like I don't want to go to that party. No, you know, tonight I'm just sitting on the couch with my book or I'm watching Netflix or whatever it is that you need to do to get that me time to get that recentering time and for me this is really really important to get that energy back and to actually go out the next day and and do all the social things. For me, being social and being by myself is really a balance. And this is also something that I've really learned over the years how much me time I actually need. And there's a lot of people who will not understand that, who will ask me questions and who will say, but you need to have like friends and you need to go do this and you need to go do that. And why are you by yourself all the time and don't you feel lonely? And I'm just like, no, I really don't. Maryam: I love me, myself and I. ha ha. Sjierly Pereira: I give myself a lot of good advice. Maryam: you Sjierly Pereira: I'm Maryam: Okay. Sjierly Pereira: completely comfortable being by myself and even if you're alone doesn't mean you're lonely, right? There's so many discussions about that. but yeah, for me on a social or more personal level, that is very much how I replenish my my engine, so to say. I think for me also it helps that I understand more about how my brain works, We have like all these hormones and and neurotransmitters in our brain. I can explain a little bit about it if you yeah. Maryam: Yeah, please. Sjierly Pereira: let me just go to my notes because you know I just wanna put in the disclaimer before I start this. I'm not a neuroscientist, I'm not a neurobiologist. all the information that I'm giving on neuroscience, neurobiology from ⁓ now on, let's put it that way, ⁓ Maryam: You Sjierly Pereira: disclaimer, is what I've learned, what I've read, did a specialisation in neuroscience of leadership, listen to a lot of podcasts about neuroscience. Dr. Andrew Huberman, one of my favorites, where I get a lot of information, as you know. ⁓ Maryam: Mm-hmm. Sjierly Pereira: so just want to make sure that Whomever is listening, and if you want to do anything with this information, always please make sure that you look up the information, that you don't just start using it, that you find the right sources, credible sources to to utilize information about your body, about how your brain works before you start actually implementing things. So, having said that. there are like four feel-good hormones as they're called. we have serotonin, endorphins, oxytocin, and I think one of the most well-known ones is dopamine. So I will explain them shortly and also how you can replenish them because obviously that's what we want, right? We want that really good feeling. So serotonin is a natural mood booster. It's this is what gives you like your happy feeling. And it affects your memory, your fear, your stress, which is logical, right? Feeling good. The downside of feeling not feeling good, it also affects your digestion, your sleep and your body temperature. So it's like your whole internal regulation. and low serotonin has also been linked to depression, which I guess also makes sense. if you want to increase your serotonin, you work out. So you will hear that a lot throughout these different hormones and neurotransmitters that working out is a very good way to release these different feel-good hormones, like for example, cycling, lifting weights. but also which is really important is exposure to sunlight. So making sure that your and this is not like sitting in your house behind windows, but actually going outside and getting some sunlight. and laughing. So you will hear that a lot more as well that laughing is a very good way to release mood boosters so to say. The other one is endorphins. So endorphins are actually natural painkillers. I looked it up and Maryam: you Sjierly Pereira: endorphins is actually a combination of two words, is and I hope I say this correctly. Endogenous morphine. So it is morphine, a painkiller, which is inside yourself. And you can release this by creating a runner's high, as they call it. So this is like really high-intensity workout. again by laughing, also by falling in love. I hope Maryam: Okay. Sjierly Pereira: that people you know who are listening know this feeling when you're falling in love and you get like this really like happy feeling. this is like your endorphins coming out and by meditating, so deep breath, brain focus. This is also what releases your your internal painkillers, and also by playing music and dancing. So then we have oxytocin, and oxytocin mainly functions its mainly function is in Women having children. So it's a really important hormone for childbirth. And this is also why it's called a love drug. So it's a love hormone. It's really important for bonding. So also when we're older, this is a hormone that's really important in deciding who you trust. it's sort of the who's part of my tribe hormone, It's about feeling connected to people. And having high oxytocin also decreases your stress and anxiety, which obviously in childbirth I wouldn't know, but I would imagine is quite important. and related to social behavior, it gives you relaxation. Like I said, it's important for trust and overall psychological stability. how to boost your oxytocin is again exercise. music, so singing and cuddling. the mother the mother baby bonding. hugging, cuddling is really important in creating this connection. And this is not just for your children, but this is also moving on later in life when you hug someone. Maybe you felt it, you know, when you hug a friend or someone you really care about, it gives you a good feeling. and then the last one is dopamine. Like I said, this is probably the most well-known one. It's your reward hormone, so this is part of your reward system. Dopamine is really important when we think, for example, about addiction. So your dopamine is actually the highest when you anticipate a reward. for example, when you think about children. And you tell them that you're going to the beach, or you tell them that you're going to a theme park or their birthday is tomorrow, they're actually much more excited in the anticipatory period than they are when they're actually doing it. And this goes for everybody. So what they have found, this is scientifically proven, is that your dopamine levels actually are much higher when you anticipate something coming and then it goes down. when you're doing whatever it is that you are anticipating and then it actually goes below the threshold when it's over and this is where the where the addiction part comes in because this is when we actually want to get that high feeling again, So this is how dopamine works So it will give you that really good feeling, but it's also going to make you want more. And this is also, for example, how addiction to computer games work or how they utilize all these algorithms to keep you hooked on TikTok or on Instagram Maryam: Night. Sjierly Pereira: to keep you wanting to see more and more and more. That's how they actually utilize you having dopamine in your brain. so yeah, I just wanted to explain that. I hope it wasn't too complicated and I hope it was short enough. Maryam: No, not at all. I think what's been really nice about this explanation is taking us from the tangibles of the professional. Right? Like this is at work. These are the boundaries, either the focus habits that you can put in to the personal on a social level. This is what I do to in a way the biological, Like this is what your body needs. This is what it craves. This is how you can fuel it. And I guess this is what you meant at the beginning by in a way our brains are all similar. Obviously what feeds into Sjierly Pereira: Yeah, exactly. Maryam: these for different hormones may be different for other people. Yes, there are similarities, as you've mentioned, but there's also probably a lot of other additions that go into making that. Sjierly Pereira: Yeah, absolutely. Maryam: And that's you understanding now that it's a combination of not only the results that you will tangibly see at work or what you need in your personal life, but also what your body actually needs to, so that you get the best out of your body. Sjierly Pereira: Yeah, and also if you don't feel good that you know how you can just replenish it by using how your brain works, That's what Maryam: Right. Sjierly Pereira: I find so amazing about understanding Maryam: Yeah. Sjierly Pereira: more about how your brain works Maryam: Yeah. And it goes the other way, right? That you could be feeding your brain what will continue to deplete it. Right? So in the same Sjierly Pereira: Exactly. Maryam: way that we've got the strategies to enhance and to feel happier and get that more motivation and more energy, you could be indirectly feeding everything that could pollute it and bring you down. So Sjierly Pereira: Exactly. Maryam: it's a very important reminder. mean, as you were speaking and I... I think a lot of people will be doing the same as they're listening to it, thinking about what is it that I do from what Sjierly's mentioned and maybe what is it that I do that maybe hasn't been mentioned that really feeds into that reset. I mean, I think you've called it re-centering and it is because I you need to re-center to reset. But we all ⁓ need mechanisms to help us reset on the long term, but also on the short term, because going back to your first statement, We need to show up. Sometimes we need to show up even when we don't want to show up. Right. And so the question Sjierly Pereira: Yes. Maryam: becomes is how can I bring the best version of myself at that moment irrespective of whatever it is that I feel. This is a conversation I was having recently with somebody when they asked me what is the difficult the most difficult thing about what you do. Sjierly Pereira: Okay. What did you say? Very curious. Maryam: Yeah, I said it's showing up and removing from the sight of those around me, whatever it is that may be bringing me down, that may be on my mind, that is of no relevance to them, that is not going to help them get the best out of themselves. It's not going to help me in that current situation. It's a bit like... becoming somebody else or wearing a mask. It's a very definitive reset to say, I'm going into this space and I need to go in this way to get the best out of the situation of me and the people around me. I don't, know, my mood is irrelevant to my work and nobody should really know what I am. If I'm really sad, for example, I shouldn't go into a training that is all about, I don't know, motivation or boosting team morale and bring in that energy. I need to bring in the right kind of energy to bring people up irrespective of how it is that I'm feeling. And that is difficult. That takes training. the reality is that's not easy. Even if it at times maybe looks to others. Like a lot of fun, oh, your job is a lot of fun. get to do it. I enjoy it. I love it. But I have to present myself in a certain way and I have to make sure I reset. I can handle whatever is personally affecting me or professionally affecting me at another time. But I need to be there to deliver on something. And that is the result that I need to focus on. And I need to bring that person into the space. So I would say that's most difficult part about what I do. Thank Sjierly Pereira: I think that's really interesting. a couple of things popped into my head when you were saying that. ⁓ and I love that you said my mood is irrelevant to my work. Because this is very mind over matter, It's very much about what am I trying to achieve here? And we're coming back to you're probably feeling already what I'm going to say, but we're coming back to Covey. Maryam: Yes. Sjierly Pereira: Where he says, you know, what is your goal? What is Maryam: Mm-hmm. Sjierly Pereira: it that you're trying to achieve here and how are you going to get it? and that's very mind over matter. And why I find that very interesting as well that you said that is that coming back to your brain, we actually have Parts of our brain, we have circuits in our brain that are wired to help you achieve your goals. So you have, for example, your basal ganglia, your prefrontal cortex, your dopamine reward system that I was talking about. They're all in tuned to actually help you achieve Maryam: All right. Sjierly Pereira: your goal. And the more you focus on your goal, the more your brain will help you to. Lock out things that will distract you from your goal. So the more you're tuned in, like you said, you know, I just need to focus on what I'm going, what I want to achieve, and that's exactly what you need to do. So that's I I thought it was amazing that you just said that because that is literally what you need to do to help your brain understand this is my focus. Because the thing Maryam: Yeah. Sjierly Pereira: is, your brain doesn't know the difference between reality and and what you tell it. Maryam: Mm-hmm. Yep. Sjierly Pereira: Your brain will believe what you're telling it. Maryam: No, it's so powerful. The reminder that your brain will believe what you tell it to part. I think Sjierly Pereira: Exactly. Maryam: that's why for me, I sometimes struggle with the people who bring in a negativity. That negativity without the clarity or the logic as to why you're bringing that negativity. Because I'm... driven by the fact that I believe everything is possible. So irrespective of the challenge that presents itself to me, I guess I tell my brain it's possible. I can do it. There's a way around it. I can Sjierly Pereira: Can do this. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Maryam: solve it. And so when you're with people, this again going back to protecting your engine, there are certain people that just through their mindset and their attitude deplete that. Yeah, what you're telling yourself, right? So it's like you're Sjierly Pereira: Yeah. Maryam: having a conversation with yourself internally, but then you're having to have it with those around you who may not be as ambitious, who may not be as driven, who may not be as opportunistic, who may not also be able to sometimes get their head out of the negativity that comes with uncertainty and see the opportunity that comes with uncertainty, right? So I've, as you're speaking, I realize that I also preserve my brain messaging by taking a step back from spaces of negativity. Sjierly Pereira: Yeah. Very good. Maryam: whether it's in my personal side or in my professional side. So even where I feel like within my team or within a client's team, I'm not having the right kinds of conversations that are going to help us achieve our collective vision. I take a step back and say, you know what, let's revisit this at a later point where everybody is able to reflect a little bit more on this. I may send sometimes questions in after that conversation to see if they can retweak a little bit or re-angle how they are approaching the same conversation. But it's difficult. because we talked about the difficulty of bringing yourself in sometimes with that positivity, that everything to drive and then you're surrounded by others that you cannot control. So you remember now I still can control myself by deciding when to be within that space, how to engage within that space, how to disengage within conversations that are not achieving anything and how to remain focused. And to be honest, I didn't know what you said about... parts of our brain that keep us going towards our goals. I've never Sjierly Pereira: Mm-hmm. Maryam: thought about it in that way. So it's nice to know that, as you've mentioned, you're not really alone at any point because you've Sjierly Pereira: It is really me, myself, and I. Maryam: got a team in there trying to really help you even see what you cannot see. Sjierly Pereira: Yeah, the Marion board, you know. Maryam: exactly. Yep. So no, really, really. powerful reflections and I hope some of our listeners can go away thinking about what that means to them, how they translate some of what we've discussed into their daily interactions to bring the best out of themselves. Sjierly Pereira: Yeah, and also like you mentioned, how to protect your own positive energy, There is a lot of people out there who dwell on negativity who also have to say there's a lot of negativity out there. And it doesn't Maryam: Absolutely. Sjierly Pereira: help that people are scrolling and scrolling and scrolling on their Instagram Maryam: down. Sjierly Pereira: and all the social media, not to diss Maryam: Yeah. Sjierly Pereira: social media, you know, there is very good reasons to use social media. but also you need to be very aware of the fact that you know you keep scrolling and the algorithms keep you in there and it all affects your brain, right? So it just keeps you sucked into all the things that do not help you get back to your energy. so having Maryam: Definitely. Sjierly Pereira: having said that, have you made any life choices based on What does or does not feed your energy and how did you come to those decisions? Maryam: I think me sitting where I am today, leading Africa, is probably the biggest life choice that I made. It wasn't solely related to protecting, I guess, my engine, but through the journey of setting it up, I realized it was the only way to protect what I valued as well. Because I think they go hand in hand. So I struggle with this concept that as business leaders or as people at work that we should be choosing between what we love on a personal level and what we love on a professional level. I don't feel like life should be a choice between success professionally or happiness personally. And Sjierly Pereira: Okay. Maryam: I think as a woman, I... I grew up seeing certain parts of society assume a certain role for women, a certain role for mothers, a certain expectation on how motherhood or marriage or changes in your personal life may affect your professional life, that I was blessed enough to have role models starting from my mother and moving out that didn't really conform to. So as I started my own professional journey, was very, I was probably exactly where I am now in my early years with less professional maturity, but certainly the same sort of adventurous spirit, that exploration, the desire to explore, the desire to dive deep into new and challenging environments. And when I found my future moving away from the UK, from traditional trajectory of getting a job and and growing through the ranks within a certain career pathway and found myself. I would say I found myself by chance, initially in the entrepreneurship world, but it was out of the intention of basically saying, especially as I got married and later on. after I was pregnant and then gave birth to my first child, my daughter, I realized that I shouldn't have to choose between the quality time of being part of that side of my personal growth and pausing my Sjierly Pereira: Mm-hmm. Maryam: career, right? Like, just because I'm about, for example, to give birth doesn't mean that I need to stop and take care of my daughter until she's a school going age. I respect those that do that as long as it's their decision and not... a situation out of circumstance where you feel pressured to do that. But for me, my business allowed me and I created a business to allow me, I guess, the space to be able to be a wife in whatever way I decided that would mean, to be a mother in whatever way I decided that would mean, to never be feeling that I had to choose between one or the other. and take a step Sjierly Pereira: Mm-hmm. Maryam: back and then catch up later. I don't see this as being necessarily for everybody, but I see that everybody needs to make sure that they have decided and intentionally approached Sjierly Pereira: Yes. Maryam: both their personal and professional life. with the intention of whatever it is that they want to achieve. Maybe it's a bit of a convoluted sentence. But I guess what I'm trying to say is our life is short. We don't know how long we've got on this Earth. I'm not gonna... Say I'm going to delay spending time with my friend, with my child, with my loved one, with my whatever because of this. And I'm not going to delay whatever success looks like on a professional basis because of that. want to, I want it all, Sjierly And I feel like I have the right to have it all. If I want to be a mother, if I want to lead a business, if I want Sjierly Pereira: Yeah. Maryam: to feel successful in both parts of my life, I don't have to justify or explain that to anybody. So I think for me, setting up the business in the way that I did. with the flexibility that I've maintained within my team is a very intentional way of saying, protect your engine, protect what you value, join this team. If you felt maybe in other spaces, you had to make a decision between one or the other. And I never expect off my team that they have to choose between work and their personal life. So I sometimes I can come across too lenient, What I mean by that is when it comes to like, let's say, parent-teacher meetings, Sometimes these are ad hoc. In certain places of work, people will say, but you didn't give us enough notice. Somebody else will have to attend on your behalf. I respond and say, go for it. As long as you've planned your time. Because I feel like I work with adults. So I feel like adults make the right decisions based on the situation. I shouldn't sit and say, no, you cannot do this. I'm not like you said earlier. I'm not interested in you sitting at a desk. nine Sjierly Pereira: Yeah. Maryam: to five to do something. I'm interested in the outputs. These outputs can be done in any way that you see fit in a way that makes you feel happy. Yes, we sometimes because of work have to give a bit more, but I don't like to see that as an expense to another area. If it feels like that, Sjierly Pereira: Mm-hmm. Maryam: I would expect my team members to articulate ⁓ it. Like, I'm missing something very valuable, Maryam with my family, if we're going to do this. Is there anybody that can cover? Is there anybody that can support us? And we have turned Sjierly Pereira: Mm-hmm. Maryam: work away as a company based on the time that our team takes a step back. So for example, we're very intentional that Christmas time Sjierly Pereira: Okay. Maryam: is a time ⁓ where not only does the office close during the holidays, but it closes for a longer period so we can make the most out of that joyful period. We've had work that clients, not all of our clients close. They've said, well, we need Sjierly Pereira: Yeah. Maryam: this on so-and-so day. And we're like, we need to reset. We need to rest so we're able to give you the best that we can. I do the same around the summertime when kids are off school. So that flexibility is what I'm saying in that I don't want anybody to ever, a word sacrifice annoys me. I don't want anybody to feel that they sacrifice something for Afriqia or for working with me. I don't. I want you to be enjoying what you're doing, intentional about the time that you've decided to dedicate to this company. So I think that to me is probably one of like the biggest journeys milestones in terms of protecting what I value and in turn protecting my engine. But I would go forward even more by saying life choices around being a lot more intentional about exercise has been one. I've grown up. always active, but never intentionally exercising, if that makes sense. I've always Sjierly Pereira: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Maryam: been quite mobile. I like hikes. I've been adventurous again in my younger days with climbing dormant volcanoes, for example. I like sports, but not on a professional level, but I do like playing tennis and things like that. But as I got again into the cycle of motherhood and working, I realized I wasn't giving enough time to that because it no longer just happened as part of my life. It was something that I needed to make an intentional decision to bring into my life. And as we age, our body changes and how our body reacts to different things also changes. And that's a huge reality check that we can have a whole different episode on. But again, I realized, you know, I can't continue to enjoy whatever it is I want to enjoy and still feel healthy. I needed to make an intentional decision to bring. exercise into my life. And that comes with figuring out your schedule, putting in the right time, because if it's difficult, you're not going to do it. Yes, I'm a super disciplined person, but I also, again, want to enjoy what I'm doing. So I have to find a way of making it achievable, making it realistic. Sjierly Pereira: Can have a discussion about that, but yeah. Maryam: Yes. So I persisted through and now I've been, I think it's been more than two years of me consistently working out. with the same great coach three times a week. And finally, I think this is another thing that I've been very intentional about is understanding that it's a quality of the people around you in your support network, not the quantity of them that makes the difference. Again, growing up, I was... I guess I'm an introverted extrovert. Like you can put me anywhere and I'll get on with a lot of people. But the reality is I do love my me time. I had a large and a wide circle. Through the years, I really reduced that. And then I created spaces that you'll remember from your time in Sierra Leone, like speak your mind, where I was where I would be intentionally in spaces that were supportive on a mental level, like helping give you that brain gym, getting you exposed to new ideas, challenging the way that you think, but also out of these spaces grew a network of women that now are very close to me. You they are part of my support network when things are not as smooth as they could be. And, you know, we navigate a lot of these challenges here. So I think these three areas of Choosing the kind of work that makes me feel that I'm not sacrificing anything, but intentionally choosing. Creating a space where others hopefully feel the same way. Two, being intentional about movement and my body and what my body needs and how to feed it and how to give it what it needs. And three, understanding that supportive people, the right kind of people, the quality of the people are the ones that I need in my life. it's about feeling like I have community of advisors, of angels, whatever they may be that are always around me to support and protect. And there are certain takeaways, I guess, that I'd like to bring into this conversation for people to think about from a leadership perspective. Because what I find a lot of the time is some of these people that I speak to see leadership as availability, or they confuse availability with leadership. People feel, you know, everybody wants to say, have this really open door policy. I'm always reachable. People can come to me, whatever it is that they need anything, because maybe it feels a bit responsible. But what it does is it creates a culture within your team, which trains people to depend on you for everything. And this, over time, weakens you. It weakens your focus. It weakens your team's ownership. It weakens your ability to think strategically, which then contributes to you thinking, what am I doing here? What is the purpose Sjierly Pereira: Mm-hmm. Maryam: of me doing here? And it can escalate to, I don't enjoy this anymore. And I'm talking about even people that have set up their own businesses, right? Like this is not a job necessarily, but sometimes this is their business. This is what brought them joy and excitement. And they've drained it through this confusion, They also, again, part of this idea of holding on, right, supporting. Some people see leadership as support and they see support as carrying things that maybe should be delegated or even delayed or potentially even just dropped altogether. Being busy is not a good thing, I always say. I hate it when people say ask me are you busy because to me it sounds wrong like no I'm just focused on something at the moment do you need my attention for something because again when you are holding on to all of these things things can feel heavy it becomes a bit emotional you lose the quality control side of things you don't have enough time to problem solve What I mean by that is like you've mentioned, most of your calendar is filled with meetings, conversations, you're always responding to requests, but you don't have any time for decisions, how to improve Sjierly Pereira: Mm-hmm. Maryam: systems, how to actually support staff in a sustainable and long term way. I guess I'm bringing this in now because I want us to remind our listeners that is no one right or wrong way to lead. And I know there's a lot of literature that talks and espouses and pushes. This is better than that. Having female leaders is good because they bring these qualities into the team with, you know. I don't believe in any of that. I believe that as people we bring in certain qualities and we need to understand the impact of our actions more than we need to focus on the most effective style. So think really... yourself about what is it that helps you achieve the results that you want to achieve? What strategy will help you do that? Don't get bombarded or bogged down and thinking this is this leadership style is really effective because it makes my team trust me. No, your team will trust you when they feel that you're able to focus and drive this team forward. When you're able to build leaders around you by supporting and delegating, not by doing everything for them. Sjierly Pereira: as you just mentioned, right, it's about the way that you show up. It's about understanding how to move the company forward, how to move the team forward. But it's also about understanding that you don't always have to have an open door. You can have an open door policy, but that doesn't mean that you cannot just say sometimes, right now I need my focus time, Maryam: The door is closed. Sjierly Pereira: the door is closed. I think as a leader, as a manager, it is your job to think about. How you can show up as your best self for your people, for your company, for whatever it is that you need to achieve. So it's about what can I do to bring out the best in others. And for that, you do need boundaries sometimes. For that, you do need to be able to self-reflect. and you need to understand what your non negotiables are. understanding that sometimes you need to sell a no, you need to sell a boundary for the sake of your organization for the sake of your team because you understand the repercussions of not doing that. So what I think are some important things to take away from today is again self-reflection, understanding yourself, understanding what you need to re-strengthen, Maryam: Mm-hmm. Sjierly Pereira: to recuperate, to center yourself to recalibrate and to then again be able to show up as your best self and not to be afraid to protect that engine, to set your boundaries. So understand what charges you, what depletes you, what I think is very important, which is something that is being very distorted through social media, is and you mentioned it actually during this conversation, is you're competing with yourself and not with others, make sure that you try to be the best version of yourself and not your best version of someone else. And you cannot be your best self and be what other people need if you don't know what you need. that would be my My last two cents to the to this conversation. Do you have anything to add? Maryam: I think you've covered it all. I would just reiterate, ⁓ find out what helps you focus, find what boundaries work for you and help the best you show up, as Sjierly said. Find what makes you feel supported or who makes you feel supported. So feed your engine what it needs to move. And speak to yourself regularly. Back to the me, myself, and I, you're not alone. Even when you're physically alone, talk to yourself and understand what is it that you need to get the best out of you. And as you get the best out of you, you will get the best out of everybody around you and be in a much better position to achieve what it is that you want to achieve. I will listen to this episode again. more than once every time I feel like my engine needs a reset, a re-center and a reset. And this is what I love about what we do Sjierly ⁓ Thank you for being part of this journey for me because I feel like the more we discuss these issues, the more we remind ourselves as well of. how difficult it is to stay in track and how we need to have these conversations more often to keep ourselves moving in the right direction. Sjierly Pereira: Thank you. Maryam: This is Sjierly Pereira: Thank you for today. Thank you to whomever is listening out there. And yeah, I guess see you next time. Maryam: Stay tuned to hear more about what we've got in store for you, but we are starting a new theme. We are moving away from unapologetic to, again, a very different way of looking at how we approach things. Echoing Sjierly's comments, Sjierly Pereira: Perfect. Maryam: thank you all for listening and joining us today. Sjierly Pereira: Hi, thank you so much for listening to the Zero Comfort Zone podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please support us by liking and subscribing to our channel. This way, we can grow our community and you're notified when a new episode airs. And of course, feel free to share it with anyone you think would enjoy it too. We hope to see you in the next episode. Thanks so much and have a great day.