1 00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:04,560 So two episodes ago, I said something about inclusive marketing and surprise, 2 00:00:04,560 --> 00:00:08,200 surprise, the Internet did what the Internet does, which is the 3 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:11,920 trolls came out. And so in this right here podcast episode, I'm going 4 00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:15,720 to talk about what happened and kind of talk 5 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:19,360 you through what to do if this happens to you, because this ain't my first 6 00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:23,160 rodeo. But first, a word from our sponsor. Riverside 7 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:26,920 is the all in one podcast recording and editing tool that I use 8 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:30,440 for this right here show. I use it to edit not only the 9 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:34,060 audio and the video, it is like Chef's Kiss magical, making the 10 00:00:34,060 --> 00:00:37,660 entire process so, so easy. 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Welcome back to the Mindful Marketing 22 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:21,840 Podcast. Fran, so excited that you're here. I am 23 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:25,520 feeling all the feelings today because today is the day my 24 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:29,360 youngest daughter goes to daycare and I'm headed into this next chapter, next 25 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:33,050 phase of my life. And I'm very excited and 26 00:01:33,050 --> 00:01:36,450 also destroyed. Like distraught, like 27 00:01:36,770 --> 00:01:40,330 desperado, like, someone please come save me. What do I do with all this 28 00:01:40,330 --> 00:01:44,130 time? And also I may nap a little bit this week 29 00:01:44,130 --> 00:01:47,890 as I transition into being a working mom. 30 00:01:47,890 --> 00:01:51,730 Hello, I'm here. I'm excited about this episode because this feels 31 00:01:51,730 --> 00:01:55,490 like a response episode to something that happened. I had a totally 32 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:59,240 different thing planned, same as last week, but life happens. And so I 33 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:03,040 want to talk about this because it threw me for a whole loop. 34 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:06,760 So a little bit of backstory. Two or three episodes 35 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:10,600 ago I talked about inclusive marketing, specifically why I personally don't use 36 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:14,159 gendered language in my marketing. And I pulled a little 37 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:18,040 clip from that show and posted on social media. I used 38 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:21,440 our amazing sponsor. Riverside picked the clip where 39 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:25,600 I was talking about how sometimes as a black woman, I 40 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:29,430 don't feel like people are marketing to me specifically. It was a short 41 00:02:29,430 --> 00:02:33,190 example from a long episode about being inclusive in your marketing. 42 00:02:33,510 --> 00:02:37,350 I posted it everywhere on YouTube is where I got 43 00:02:37,590 --> 00:02:40,990 this comment. I'll read it for you. Why Would 44 00:02:40,990 --> 00:02:44,750 brands want to market to a consumer base that is just going 45 00:02:44,750 --> 00:02:48,230 to rob their stores, though? The absolute 46 00:02:48,230 --> 00:02:51,110 racism, the audacity of this person. 47 00:02:51,830 --> 00:02:55,510 I posted it everywhere because, honestly, this. This is not the 48 00:02:55,510 --> 00:02:59,230 first time, but this is one of those times where I felt the need, I 49 00:02:59,230 --> 00:03:03,070 felt called to use this as an example because this isn't something that 50 00:03:03,070 --> 00:03:06,750 happens all the time to everyone else. And so if this is your first 51 00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:10,070 time experiencing this, you may get the shock and awe and the. 52 00:03:10,310 --> 00:03:13,670 The actual, like, devastation that we feel when 53 00:03:13,830 --> 00:03:17,590 some rando on the Internet leaves a hurtful comment. And like 54 00:03:17,590 --> 00:03:21,390 I said before, unfortunately, this isn't the first time that I've had to deal with 55 00:03:21,390 --> 00:03:25,190 this. People come in on all sorts of things outside of my skin color, 56 00:03:25,190 --> 00:03:28,980 which hel. I cannot change. That's besides 57 00:03:28,980 --> 00:03:32,700 the point. People comment on my voice a lot. Some people hate 58 00:03:32,700 --> 00:03:36,180 it, like, hate it so much that they'll stalk me and leave comments 59 00:03:36,340 --> 00:03:39,780 from different accounts about how much they hate my voice. And I'm like, please, go 60 00:03:39,780 --> 00:03:43,580 bother someone else. I come from a YouTube background, so when I used 61 00:03:43,580 --> 00:03:47,380 to create YouTube videos, like, content about my life, people would literally comment 62 00:03:47,380 --> 00:03:50,420 and say, go unalive yourself, if you know what I mean. 63 00:03:50,900 --> 00:03:54,490 And none of that feels good. I, 64 00:03:54,570 --> 00:03:58,370 however, fortunately or unfortunately, have built up a little bit of tough 65 00:03:58,370 --> 00:04:01,930 skin around this. So I want to talk to you about, like, the 66 00:04:01,930 --> 00:04:05,770 mental process I go through when I get these kinds of comments and how 67 00:04:05,770 --> 00:04:09,570 you can mentally prepare yourself to get these comments. And then if anyone ever dms 68 00:04:09,570 --> 00:04:12,290 me and says, andrea, I got a mean comment, I can just send you this 69 00:04:12,290 --> 00:04:15,810 podcast episode, okay. Because it's part of a bigger 70 00:04:15,810 --> 00:04:18,810 conversation about being an individual online, 71 00:04:19,530 --> 00:04:23,320 showing up and putting yourself out there, saying, some people take that 72 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:27,120 to mean they can also comment however they want on you and your life, 73 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:31,400 and it drains your energy. So I want to talk about, like, protecting your energy 74 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:35,160 and not getting derailed by these messages. Okay? So first, I want 75 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:39,000 to normalize that this happens. This is not a personal thing to you. Even 76 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:42,800 though it does feel like a personal attack on you, I promise you, it's 77 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:46,600 not personal. This is like the underbelly, the seedy 78 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:50,360 underbelly of the Internet, which there are some very lonely, desperate people out 79 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:53,990 there seeking attention, and the Internet makes it very easy for them 80 00:04:53,990 --> 00:04:57,030 to access people. This person before 81 00:04:57,750 --> 00:05:01,470 would have been like, the loner on the outskirts of town that nobody talked to, 82 00:05:01,470 --> 00:05:04,630 but now they can post comments and get a reaction, 83 00:05:05,030 --> 00:05:08,830 which is what they want. So this happens to everyone, too, whether you have a 84 00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:12,350 hundred followers a Hundred thousand followers. Everyone is opening 85 00:05:12,350 --> 00:05:15,910 themselves up to these potential comments that come from people 86 00:05:15,990 --> 00:05:19,690 who are hurt. Okay, so it's not about you, it's about them. But I 87 00:05:19,690 --> 00:05:23,450 also want to say that when you get these comments, it really does sting 88 00:05:23,450 --> 00:05:27,130 because you're coming in from a very vulnerable place, sharing something 89 00:05:27,130 --> 00:05:30,890 online, no matter what it is you're sharing, it takes a 90 00:05:30,890 --> 00:05:34,570 lot of effort to put yourself out there in this way. So 91 00:05:34,570 --> 00:05:38,050 everyone who does this, you are opening yourself up for this. And it's a vulnerable 92 00:05:38,050 --> 00:05:41,170 place. It can feel like, what am I even doing here? Because 93 00:05:42,210 --> 00:05:45,850 I feel. It feels tainted now. The experience feels tainted because someone else 94 00:05:45,850 --> 00:05:47,830 decided to say something silly. Okay. 95 00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:53,030 Also find that comments like these make me second guess living my life 96 00:05:53,030 --> 00:05:56,270 online. And I go back and forth on this all the time. And this is 97 00:05:56,270 --> 00:05:59,510 where boundaries show up for me. Because boundaries, 98 00:06:00,550 --> 00:06:04,070 to me, I only know where a boundary is when it's crossed. Okay, there are 99 00:06:04,070 --> 00:06:07,910 some that, like, I know right off the bat, but a lot of 100 00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:11,310 boundaries, I don't know it's a boundary till it's crossed. For 101 00:06:11,310 --> 00:06:14,910 example, when I have notifications on my phone, I 102 00:06:14,910 --> 00:06:18,430 go, I had them all turned on the apps automatically, like, do you want 103 00:06:18,430 --> 00:06:22,130 notifications? Yes. And they send you everything. It took me a couple years of that 104 00:06:22,130 --> 00:06:25,970 to realize, not for me. I close down everything, and then I slowly 105 00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:29,010 add back in the ones where I'm like, yeah, this app, I would love notifications. 106 00:06:29,010 --> 00:06:32,650 This one, not so much. Okay, that's an example of a boundary being 107 00:06:32,650 --> 00:06:36,490 crossed. Same happens with these comments. To me, it's like, oh, this is 108 00:06:36,490 --> 00:06:40,250 a boundary that someone crossed. I need to have a solution in place 109 00:06:40,250 --> 00:06:43,970 because I don't want to have this boundary crossed again. So 110 00:06:44,610 --> 00:06:48,290 check in with yourself first. For me, personally, I 111 00:06:48,290 --> 00:06:51,910 know that these people, they're not talking about me. It's not personal about me. 112 00:06:51,910 --> 00:06:55,710 This is them going off on whatever's happening in their lives. So, generally 113 00:06:55,710 --> 00:06:59,190 speaking, I delete the comments, I block the person, and then I take a mental 114 00:06:59,190 --> 00:07:03,030 health break. Okay, I'm not saying this doesn't affect me. It sure does. The 115 00:07:03,030 --> 00:07:06,710 day that I got this comment, I was actually supposed to record this very podcast, 116 00:07:06,710 --> 00:07:10,390 and I said, whoop, no podcast recording happening today. Because 117 00:07:10,390 --> 00:07:13,790 I don't feel good about any of this. This feel. I feel 118 00:07:13,790 --> 00:07:17,430 vulnerable and naked. Like I'm standing out in front of a giant auditorium of people 119 00:07:17,430 --> 00:07:21,080 with ain't a thing on it. Doesn't feel good. Right? And so I 120 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:24,440 personally step away, shut it down, turn my. Put my phone, and do not disturb. 121 00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:27,960 I Read some books. I touched grass, literally went outside, took my dog for a 122 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:31,800 little bit of longer walk. Gibson loved it. It was great. Okay. It takes a 123 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:35,000 lot of energy to do that. So the more that you grow as a business 124 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:37,600 owner, the more that you're opening yourself up to that. So the more you need 125 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:41,440 to build in these mental health breaks. Okay? Mental health checks. 126 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:44,520 A great example of another one for me is I don't generally work on the 127 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:48,130 weekends. It case by case basis. Okay? 128 00:07:48,210 --> 00:07:51,650 Sometimes work sneaks in there. Sometimes I'm really excited about something and I work. 129 00:07:51,810 --> 00:07:55,570 But for me, it's an optional work weekend. Okay? So that is a mental 130 00:07:55,570 --> 00:07:58,490 health break for me. Even when I do work on the weekends, I'm not checking 131 00:07:58,490 --> 00:08:02,290 social media. I may post, but I post and goes like I 132 00:08:02,290 --> 00:08:05,770 don't do during the week. Okay? So that's another way that I build in my 133 00:08:05,770 --> 00:08:09,570 mental health checks. My phone goes automatically on do not disturb after 134 00:08:09,570 --> 00:08:13,250 a certain time at night. So there's other little things that I 135 00:08:13,540 --> 00:08:17,340 build into my life because I've noticed over time, hey, I'm putting 136 00:08:17,340 --> 00:08:20,700 a lot of energy into this. And then I get this comment and it totally 137 00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:24,500 drains me. So I'd rather protect myself from 138 00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:28,260 even seeing a comment like that all the time so that I can really, 139 00:08:28,260 --> 00:08:31,940 like, live my life. And this is a concept that I'm building into our new 140 00:08:31,940 --> 00:08:35,540 framework in the mindful marketing lab called energy budgeting. 141 00:08:35,540 --> 00:08:39,260 Okay. Energy budgeting. And I think it's something that as business owners who manage their 142 00:08:39,260 --> 00:08:43,039 own social media accounts, or even if you're a social media manager for other people, 143 00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:47,239 we have to notice this about ourselves because this is where 144 00:08:47,239 --> 00:08:50,959 we can really get ourselves into trouble, into burnout. If we're looking 145 00:08:50,959 --> 00:08:54,759 at comments like these all of the time. Okay? And I think 146 00:08:54,759 --> 00:08:58,239 energy budgeting is something that goes up and down. 147 00:08:58,319 --> 00:09:01,839 It's not a sort of budget where you're like, I have $100 148 00:09:01,999 --> 00:09:04,479 a week and this is it. It doesn't matter if I make 149 00:09:05,039 --> 00:09:08,679 $10,000 a month or $1,000 a month. I have a hundred dollars a week as 150 00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:12,390 my budget. We know that's not how budget works. Like, when we have more money, 151 00:09:12,390 --> 00:09:15,870 our budgets increase. When we have less money, our budgets decrease. So the same goes 152 00:09:15,870 --> 00:09:19,670 for your energy. When you have more energy, your energy budget can increase, 153 00:09:19,750 --> 00:09:23,510 you can create more, you can be more present. When you don't have the energy, 154 00:09:23,510 --> 00:09:27,350 your energy budget needs to decrease. And I think where burnout happens is we 155 00:09:27,350 --> 00:09:31,070 don't have more energy, we're overspending our Energy. Our energy accounts 156 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:34,790 overdrafted, okay? And so then we feel burnt out. We get a comment like 157 00:09:34,790 --> 00:09:37,390 this, we delete all of our social media and go, I'm done. I'm never doing 158 00:09:37,390 --> 00:09:41,170 this again. So I want you to be practiced in 159 00:09:42,050 --> 00:09:45,730 noticing your energy budget so that when the comments like these come in, 160 00:09:45,970 --> 00:09:49,410 you can respond appropriately. So for me, right now, I have a lot of energy 161 00:09:49,410 --> 00:09:53,210 budget. I'm excited about work. My daughter is going to daycare, Both the girls 162 00:09:53,210 --> 00:09:56,970 will be in school. Now I have a lot of energy for this, hence I 163 00:09:56,970 --> 00:10:00,730 talk about it a lot. I didn't just block and delete this comment like I 164 00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:03,450 usually do. I said, you know what? I've got tough skin. We're going to keep 165 00:10:03,450 --> 00:10:07,170 talking about it for a week after because I want the people to hear and 166 00:10:07,170 --> 00:10:10,930 know this because I got the time, okay? Any other time, 167 00:10:10,930 --> 00:10:13,770 like, if you asked me this a year ago, I probably would have cried for 168 00:10:13,770 --> 00:10:17,610 three days, okay? I was like six months postpartum, right? I probably would have cried 169 00:10:17,610 --> 00:10:20,970 for three days and then never spoken of it again and erased it from my 170 00:10:20,970 --> 00:10:24,810 memory. So again, energy budgets different. So 171 00:10:24,810 --> 00:10:28,490 I want you to think about what this could look like for you, and 172 00:10:28,490 --> 00:10:32,170 you get to decide what this looks like for you. Some of you are on 173 00:10:32,170 --> 00:10:35,970 the block and delete, step away, train. Some of you actually want to call out 174 00:10:35,970 --> 00:10:39,070 this person like I have. Use them as an example. 175 00:10:39,550 --> 00:10:42,910 Some of you want to do something in between where you maybe don't block 176 00:10:42,990 --> 00:10:46,710 delete, but you don't respond. Or maybe you just delete 177 00:10:46,710 --> 00:10:50,510 the comment and you don't block or whatever the case may be, maybe 178 00:10:50,510 --> 00:10:54,070 you leave a little response comment and you move on with your day. Like, you 179 00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:57,910 get to decide what this looks like for you. I want to remind 180 00:10:57,910 --> 00:11:01,710 you though, that these comments, again, are not about you and I 181 00:11:01,710 --> 00:11:04,670 don't want them to derail you from the work that you're doing in the world. 182 00:11:04,990 --> 00:11:08,510 Like the reason that we're business owners and we don't, like, go get 183 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:13,040 a traditional job. A lot of us are doing this because we found something that 184 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:16,560 we're excited about and we want to do this work. So I don't want you 185 00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:20,320 to have this random ass comment stop you from doing the work that you 186 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:23,080 set out to do, okay? I think that 187 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:27,760 building in consistency in your business, which again, it's the 188 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:31,200 frequency that you go out after, it's not any frequency that anyone else 189 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:34,960 sets, is something that can be a really good strategy for you. And I 190 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:38,680 don't want the comments like these to shake that consistency 191 00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:42,360 up, okay? I want you to have built in, like, clarity 192 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:46,000 and confidence in what you're doing. So much so that comments like these, you kind 193 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:49,440 of laugh it up like I do, where I'm like, this is silliness. And now 194 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:53,120 I'm going to talk about you even more. You wanted attention, you got the attention. 195 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:56,960 Okay? It takes a lot of work to get to this space 196 00:11:57,120 --> 00:12:00,960 and I want you to be able to acknowledge that as well. So 197 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:04,640 this is your permission slip. When you get belligerent, 198 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:08,270 nasty, silly, over the top comments on your social 199 00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:12,110 media block and delete and move on. Protect 200 00:12:12,110 --> 00:12:15,590 your energy. You're allowed to still keep going. Don't let one 201 00:12:15,670 --> 00:12:19,430 bad apple ruin the bunch. I'm not stopping and 202 00:12:19,430 --> 00:12:23,270 neither should you. And hey, if you want more conversations like these, 203 00:12:23,270 --> 00:12:26,230 we talk about this all the time in my program in the Mindful Marketing Lab. 204 00:12:26,470 --> 00:12:30,230 Come on in and join us. We have community. 205 00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:33,600 You don't have to do this alone. I'll be back at you next week with 206 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,800 a new episode. That's all for this week. Bye for now.